Love By Any Other Name, ML AU
by Max and Liz believer
Summary: Max Evans has been married for two years. He and his wife are blissfully happy and have a beautiful twoyearold, but this all changes one fateful night. Liz Parker has a serious heart condition and without an immediate heart transplant she will die...
1. Chapter 1

**Title: Love By Any Other Name ****  
Author:** Josephin   
**Category:** AU M/L   
**Rating:** R   
**Disclaimer:** The characters of Roswell belong to Melinda Metz, the WB, and the UPN.   
**Summary:** Max Evans has been married for two years. He and his wife are blissfully happy and have a beautiful two-year-old, but this all changes one fateful night. Liz Parker has a serious heart condition and without an immediate heart transplant she will die. Max and Liz's lives are about to change irreversibly by the actions of one drunk driver.   
**Author's note:** This story is based on a fantastic challenge by the even more fantastic Deejonaise. I'll have to warn you that this story takes on a very sad start, but I'm a sucker for happy endings and this will not be an exception (Actually, a happy ending is one of the conditions to be fulfilled in the challenge). So just hold on to that when it gets really difficult, okay?   
**A special thank you** to Elizabeth (Gigo) for beta-reading. Thank you!!  
**Feedback:** No objections there.  
 

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**Chapter 1**   
  
  
Mrs. Evans gave her daughter-in-law a light hug. "You sure you don't want to stay any longer?"   
  


"Yes, I need to get this little one in bed."   
  


Mrs. Evans smiled lovingly at the little boy dozing in her arms.   
Max stepped up to his wife, handing her the coat and Josh's jacket.   
  


"Thank you, honey," she said softly.   
  


He bent down and gave her a warm light kiss. "Drive safely, okay?"   
  


She gave him one of those easy smiles. One of those smiles that told him that everything was going to be all right. "I always do."   
  
Max nodded and moved around his wife to say goodnight to his son. His head was resting against her bare shoulder, his eyes half-open. Max brushed the blond bangs away from the forehead to gently mark it with a kiss. "Good night, little guy."   
  


"Nite, daddy," the boy whispered, his mind already immersed in the world of talking animals and singing teddy bears.   
  


"I'll just stay for another hour," Max said, "I think I can catch a ride with Isabel."   
Isabel put an arm around Max's shoulder. "Of course you can, little brother." She turned to her sister-in-law. "You'll call me about our little project, okay?" She said in a conspiratorial tone.   
  
"What project?" Max asked suspiciously.   
  


"Oh, nothing you should worry your mind with," his wife taunted him.   
  


"Yeah, Max. Let the missus have some secrets of her own," Isabel grinned. The smile lingered on her face as Max glared at her and she lightly wrapped her arms around her best friend, careful not to crush the little two-year-old. "Bye, girlfriend."   
  


"Bye, Iz." Pulling out of Isabel's embrace, the young mother cast a quick glance at the clock beside the mirror. "We should probably get going. Mom, Dad, thank you for a wonderful dinner."   
  
"Our pleasure, honey," Mr. Evans answered, "It's always nice to have you here."   
  


"Ditto," she grinned, and reached for the doorknob, "Bye everyone!"   
  


"Bye," four different voices answered her in unison. The front door was opened, cool air flowing in for a few seconds before the door closed behind her. 

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The small room was filled with the nauseous sounds of sickness. There was a faint rhythmic beeping sound mixed with the sound of air being compressed and then released. The air was heavy, clogged with impending death.   
  
The activity was focused on the single steel bed, but the person lying there remained in a state of inactivity. The constant sounds of the heart and lung machines were occasionally surpassed by the soft whispers of the people standing in the room.   
  


"I'm going to be honest with you, Mr. Parker. Her chances are not good. I think you should consider a LVAD. It's the next best thing after a transplant."   
  


"What would a LVAD be?"   
  


"It's a mechanical heart pump that would assist her hearting in pumping the blood around her body."   
  


"Is this really going to help her?"   
  


The doctor looked down for a brief second before looking up again. "Essentially, it's only going to buy her some time." He sighed, casting a glance at the pale person lying on the bed. 

"Mr. Parker, I hate to tell you this, but she might not last the week."   
  
Mr. Parker dropped his eyes, tears burning his eyes. He and his wife had been preparing for this moment for ten years, but a large part of them had still clung to the hope that it would never happen. Countless heart specialists had been telling them of their daughter's heart condition. They had been by her side through two heart attacks. They had spent hours in the waiting rooms of hospitals and endless hours in the Intensive Care Unit, and still their hope had not dwindled. Even when the doctors had told them that she probably wouldn't live to see her 24th birthday without a heart transplant they had hoped. Hope was all they had.   
  
He could feel the tears starting to spill down his cheeks as he looked down at what was left of his daughter. His baby girl was going to die. It didn't matter that she had been stumbling on the brink between life and death for half of her life, he would never get used to seeing her like this. It wasn't natural for parents to watch their child die, to whither away in a hospital bed with only the machines around her keeping her alive. It wasn't natural for parents to have to arrange a funeral for their 23-year-old daughter.   
  
He hadn't noticed that the doctor had left the room. He couldn't feel anything any longer. He was crying, his lip was trembling, and his shoulders were shaking with restrained sobs, but inside of him was an ever-growing black void. He sank down on the chair beside her bed and took her cold damp hand between his.   
  


"Lizzie, baby," he whispered.   
  


She would never get married, she would never have children, and she would never grow old. She would die while her dreams were still fresh and unexplored.   
  


"Lizzie..."   
  
She was so strong. Before they had put her on the respirator that prevented her from speaking, she had tried so hard to stay happy, to not let her illness drag her down. Her mother and he were so proud of her. She was such a remarkable person.   
  


"Sweetie?"   
  


She slowly opened her bruised eyelids and looked at him.   
  


"Hey," he said softly and gave her a tender smile. She lightly squeezed his hand.   
  


"You know how much I love you right?"   
  


She gave him a slow nod and he could see in her eyes that she was concerned about his tears, about his upset appearance.   
  


"I love you so much," he whispered brokenly.   
  


Too tired to keep her eyes open any longer, she let her eyelids drift closed as she slowly squeezed his hand again. Mr. Parker slowly pushed some stray hairs from her forehead. 

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The shrill ringing of the telephone reached Max's ears as he started to ascend the stairs in front of his house. As the phone kept on ringing he quickened his steps while searching his pants for the house key. He swiftly unlocked the door and the door closed by its own force behind him as he hurried into the kitchen.   
  


"Honey?" he said into the darkness. Only silence answered him. She had probably fallen asleep. Before he reached for the phone a worrying thought flew through his mind.   
  
_Who was calling him at 2 in the morning?_   
  
The annoying sound echoing through the dark house was cut off as Max lifted the receiver and put it to his ear. "Hello?"   
  


"Max Evans?"   
  


He didn't recognize the female voice and he could feel dread starting to seep into him. "Yes..."   
  


"You need to come to the hospital. Your wife and child have been in an accident..."   
  


And with just those few simple words, his whole world was ripped away from him.   
  
  
TBC?


	2. Chapter 2

Thank you everyone soo much for the feedback!! 

**Christine** (Lolita Behr) – I recognize you from RF =). I just wanted to tell you that I **love** your fanart, all your art actually =).

Someone mentioned the movie "Return to Me". This fic is actually semi-based on that movie. If this site would allow me to post links, I would post a link to the challenge, but I can't. And I don't want to write the challenge here in case some of you don't want to know what's going to happen... I haven't seen the movie myself. I hadn't even heard of it before. So this fic is only based on the things I found out from Dee's challenge. Although, I'm definitely planning on renting the movie _after_ I've finished this fic! 

And who might Max's wife be... Well, read on to find out.. Just..um..keep an open mind, okay? 

**Chapter 2**   
  
Max Evans pushed the doors open in front of him and ran into the emergency room.   
  


"Where's my wife?"   
  


The woman behind the desk looked up at him with an expression mixed with sympathy and the lack of interest years within the same job had left her with. She looked up into the young man's terrified eyes. It wasn't the first time she had seen that expression in someone's eyes, and she was sure that it wouldn't be the last one either.   
  


"What's your wife's name, sir?" she asked.   
  


Max raked his hand through his hair, emphasizing his ragged appearance. "Tess."   
  


His attention was constantly drawn to the busy hallway to his left. The hallway where doctors in white coats, and nurses in green clothes swam, moving from one emergency bed to the next. In which one was Tess? And where was Josh?   
  


"Last name?" the woman in the reception asked him patiently.   
  


"Evans. Tess Evans." He watched the woman type in the information on the keyboard. "And Josh Evans."   
  
Max waited as the woman finished typing and clicking at the computer, feeling his former life slip further and further away from him with every innocent clicking sound. He shouldn't be standing here. He should be with his wife and his son.   
  


The woman looked up. "They're in surgery, sir. Please take a seat."   
  


Max barely heard the woman's last words. They were buffered by the words that started crying in his head. This was bad. This was really bad. They were in surgery.   
  


The woman watched the color drain from the man's face. "Sir, there's nothing you can do. Just sit down and a doctor will be with you as soon as there is any news."   
  
Max stared at her and then nodded mutely. He started to walk towards the waiting area, casting fugitive glances towards the hallway. There, somewhere among all of the crying children and irritated teenagers, was his family, and he could do nothing but wait. He had never felt so helpless in his entire life. He wanted to cry, but he couldn't. The suffocating beating of his heart and the rushing sound in his ears prevented him from relishing in any such relief.   
  
He sank down on one of the blue-coated plastic chairs and looked at the people around him. An infant was screaming at the top of its lungs, trying to crawl out of its mother's worried arms. An old man with a washcloth against his head, it's whiteness soaked with the dark red color of blood, looked at him with tired eyes. Max quickly continued on to the woman sitting beside him. Her eyes were downcast and she was wringing her hands in her lap, an occasional sobs escaping her lips. With an aching devoid of emotions, Max's head turned in the direction of the entrance as ambulance men rushed inside with a man on a stretcher, his shirt soaked with blood. Medical personnel immediately rushed to the side of the stretcher making names of different medications and declarations of the blood pressure and the oxygen level adding to the noises in the room.   
  
Max turned his head back to the people waiting with him and gradually tuned out the noises around him. The contours of the hurting individuals were erased and eventually all he could see was one bleeding, hurt mass. He didn't belong here. What was he doing here? He was supposed to be with his wife and his son. How could this happen? He didn't even know what had happened yet. This was the first time since the phone call that he had sat down and reality rushed to him with such intensity that he physically gasped. His wife and son had been in a car accident and they were in surgery. His wife and son had been in a car accident and they were in surgery.   
  
Max head feel forward in his hands. "Oh my God," he croaked as everything kept hitting him at once. And it didn't stop. 

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Isabel Whitman quickly marched into the emergency room, her eyes frantically scanning the place. At the sight of the reception desk, she quickly made her way up to it without any hesitation.   
  


"Could you tell me where Tess and Josh Evans are?" she demanded.   
  
The woman behind the counter looked up into the flashing eyes of the beautiful woman in front of her. "Evans..." the receptionist repeated slowly. That sounded familiar. "Yes. They are in surgery. Take a-"   
  


"Isabel!" Isabel turned around at her husband's voice and her heart lurched in her chest at the sight of her brother.   
  
"Max..." she whispered. She was at his side within a fraction of a second. His head was buried in his hands, his elbows propped up on his knees. She lowered herself on her knees in front of him and gently threaded her fingers through his dark hair.   
  


"Max?" she asked carefully. She wasn't even sure he had heard her. Her heart broke as she heard a restrained sob escaping the confines of his hands.   
  


"Max, what happened?"   
  
Isabel had received a phone call from her parents saying that someone had called from the hospital and that Tess and Josh had been in an accident. But she didn't know any more than that. It all seemed to have happened so quickly. They had just gotten home and were preparing to go to bed when the phone rang. Since then everything had been chaos. She hadn't been able to think one coherent thought since that phone call. She wouldn't allow herself to think because she knew that if she let herself think about what really had happened she would break down. And then she would be of no use to her brother. She would be there for her brother and put her own feelings to the side.   
  


"Izzy?"   
  
Her heart broke at his voice. She had never seen him like this and it scared her. He was the calm, composed and stable one. He came out of every situation levelheaded and it wasn't often that he lost his cool. Seeing him this beaten terrified her to the core.   
  


"Yes, it's me, Max. I'm here. I'm here."   
  


"They're in surgery," Max whispered and looked up. Isabel swallowed down her own tears as she was met with his red and watery eyes. He looked so utterly lost that Isabel didn't know what to do other than throw her arms around his neck and pull him into a tight hug.   
  


"They're going to be okay," she whispered as she felt his arms tighten around her waist, 

"We'll get through this. They're gonna be okay." 

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Max felt utterly numb inside. Empty. Like the living dead. He felt like the only thing that kept him sane was the small hand he clasped in his. The small and fragile hand of his beautiful wife, the other half of his soul. He swallowed back the tears as his eyes fell on the wedding band on her ring finger.   
  
_She laughed as he pulled her down in the green grass. __  
  
_

_"Stop that! You're gonna ruin my dress." __  
  
_

_He wrapped his arms around her waist as she tried to get up and pulled her down flush against him. "I don't really care about your dress," he mumbled as he started to nip her earlobe. __  
  
_

_"Hey! This dress cost me ten dollars!" __  
  
_

_"Exactly," Max grinned, stopping as he caught her eyes which automatically wandered to his lips as he leaned in to seal their feelings. __  
  
_

_"I love you," he said quietly before his lips melted with hers. __  
  
_

_She wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him closer. "I...love...you..." she said between heated kisses. He grumbled as he reluctantly pulled away from her. __  
  
_

_"Aww," she moaned disappointedly, "Why are you stopping?" __  
  
_

_"I need to talk to you about something." __  
  
She caught the serious tone in his voice and propped herself up on her elbows, looking at him as he moved his body to rest his weight on his heels.   
  
_

_"What is it?" she asked, a soft smile adorning her beautiful features. __  
  
_

_"I need to ask you something," Max repeated, feeling his heart pump wildly in his chest. He had never been more nervous in his entire life. He could feel a cold sweat breaking out all over his body. The only thing that could calm him was the reassuring look in his girlfriend's eyes. A look that once more convinced his heart that this was the most important decision he had made in his whole life. __  
  
_

_"Tess. I love you so much-" __  
  
_

_He could see her relax and she cradled his cheek against her hand. "I love you too." __  
  
He slowly shook his head and gently removed her hand from his cheek without letting go of it. "Did you know that when we first started dating everyone warned me about you?" She grinned at him, still somewhat unsure about how to react to his sudden seriousness. "They said you would break my heart and leave me without a second look over your shoulder. Isabel always said that if I fell for you everything would change. Everything _did_ change, but not as they anticipated." His left hand started to dig in his pocket after the valuable token while his right hand held onto the physical link between them. "They never saw you as you deserve to be seen. They never saw _you_. But ever since you let me see you, Tess, I was hooked." __  
Tess smiled at his choice of words. "I realized that you are what makes me whole, Tess. You are what makes my life worth living and all the hardships worth enduring. You are what keeps me alive. Tess..." he brought forward the small black velvet box and watched her eyes widen as her free hand moved to cover her mouth, "Will you marry me?"   
  
Her expression of astonished shock turned into a sobbing smile, tears spilling down her cheeks. Wordlessly, she nodded.   
  
_

_"Yes?" Max asked, the loud pounding of his heart almost drowning out his own voice. __  
  
_

_"Yes...Yes!" she cried and threw herself into his arms. With laughter, their lips and hands caressed each other, trying to convey their immense happiness._   
  
Max returned to cold reality. To the sounds of the machines that he now had to entrust his wife's life to. His vision blurred as his eyes traveled over her torn body. As his eyes landed on her stomach his breath left him and a pain deeper than he ever thought bearable consumed him.   
  


  
_"Honey? Come here for a sec, would ya?" __  
  
_

_Max closed the oven door and moved out into the living room. "What is it?" he asked, drying his hands on a towel. He froze as he saw her sitting on the sofa. _Their sofa._ Would he ever stop being amazed by the fact that he was married to the girl of his dreams and that they were about to share their future together? She was just so beautiful. The setting sun shone in through the window, illuminating her blond hair and making her glow like an angel. His angel. __  
  
_

_"God, you're beautiful," he murmured. __  
  
_

_Her smile widened. "You said something?" she asked innocently. But Max knew she had heard him. __  
  
_

_"You wanted something?" he retorted. __  
  
_

_She nodded, and patted the place beside her on the sofa. "Come here. I've got the pictures developed from our honeymoon." __  
  
_

_"Now?" Max asked, grimacing. "Can't it wait a few minutes? Dinner's all about ready." __  
  
_

_"No, it can't wait," Tess said sternly, but her smile gave her away. Max narrowed his eyes suspiciously at her huge grin. What had she done? Had she taken pictures of him naked or something? She seemed utterly pleased with herself. __  
  
_

_"Okay..." he said slowly and sank down beside her. __  
  
Tess happily put the stack of photos in his lap and Max gave her one last suspicious glance before picking up the photos and starting to slowly sift through them. He could feel Tess' eyes on him the whole time and his body unconsciously tensed in excited anticipation of whatever she was up to. His hand froze in the already familiar movement of putting the uppermost photo at the bottom of the stack when a black and white photo stared back at him. He could not see the contours of the photo and it wasn't clear what it was supposed to be, and yet he knew.   
  
_

_"Tess?" he breathed tentatively, "What's this?" __  
  
_

_"That, daddy," Tess said softly, "is your child." __  
  
_

_"What?" he whispered, his voice breaking. His eyes were fixed on the photo in front of him. __  
  
_

_"You're gonna be a daddy, Max. I'm pregnant."_   
  


  
His hand hovered over the blanket that hid her stomach. How was he going to tell her? How was he going to tell her that their child was dead?   
  
_"Maxwell Evans. Meet Joshua Christopher Evans." __  
  
_

_Max looked down at the little baby in his wife's arms. __  
  
_

_"Is he supposed to be so small?" he asked. __  
  
_

_His glowing wife smiled. "Yes." __  
  
_

_"Oh my God," Max whispered. He timidly stretched out his hand to touch the tiny fingers and his heart swelled with love when the fingers curled around his own so tightly._   
  
"Mr. Evans?"   
  


He was torn from his memories and found a dark-haired man standing beside him. Dr. Young.   
  


"Yes," he answered. His voice sounded strange, foreign to his ears.   
  


"I'm really sorry about your loss," Dr. Young said sympathetically.   
  


"Thank you," Max whispered. He hadn't dared to think about the fact that his two-year-old was dead. Not yet. He couldn't deal with it yet. His eyes returned to his wife's battered face. She was all he had left to cling to now.   
  


"I'm really sorry to have to bring this up now, Mr. Evans, but I need to speak to you about something."   
  
Max looked up at the doctor and nodded, squeezing his wife's hand more tightly as his body tensed in anticipation of what was to come.   
  


"Did you know that your wife has signed papers stating that she didn't want to be kept on life support?   
  


Max felt sick to his stomach. He wasn't sure what that meant, but he was sure that it couldn't be good.   
  


"No…we never really discussed...those things." Every word was a struggle. He didn't want to talk about this now. He wanted to grieve with his wife. He wanted to feel her hand return his squeeze.   
  


"Your wife is...brain dead," the doctor said slowly.   
  


Max felt like someone had just pushed him hard in the chest and all of the air rushed out of his lungs.   
  
"What...what does that mean?" he asked. But he knew. He knew. Brain dead. Her brain was dead. _Dead_. Her beautiful thoughts didn't exist any longer.   
  


"She will not be able to live without these machines. She can't breathe on her own, but her heart is still beating. During operation she suffered cardiac arrest and she was...dead for eleven minutes. Her brain wasn't receiving enough oxygen and...."   
  


Why was he giving him all this scientific mumble? He could feel the anger inside of him ignite, being fueled with the helplessness and unfairness of the situation. Why was this happening to him? What had he done? What had _she_ done? Nothing. Nothing!!   
  


"What are you saying, doctor?" Max cut him off.   
  


The doctor took a deep breath. "She will never wake up, Max."   
  
Max turned his eyes on his wife as the words began to sink in. She would never wake up. She would never wake up. She would never smile at him. She would never laugh again. She would never giggle as he tickled that special spot under her armpit. She would never twirl their child around in the air. She would never cry in front of the TV. She would never tease him about his over-excessive care of his teeth. She would never kiss his lips. She would never fall asleep in his arms after they've made love. She would never think again. She would never wake up. She would never wake up ever again.   
  
"She's dead?" Max whispered, his voice cold, yet emotional.   
  


"Her heart is still beating, but she isn't there anymore," the doctor answered, "Max, her heart is still perfectly fine."   
  


So? What did that matter? She was dead. What did it matter to them that her heart was still intact?   
  


"I can't do this right now."   
  


"Max, I'm very sorry to have to weigh you down with this right now, but time is an important factor right now."   
  
Under other circumstances Max would have snorted at the absurdity of the doctor's statement. Time didn't mean anything. Time hadn't meant anything to them when his wife had lain dying on her operation table. But he didn't have the strength to argue. He just wanted to be alone with Tess. Why couldn't anyone understand that?   
  


"There are many people waiting for heart transplants..."   
  


Max head shot up at his statement. "Wait? Are you going to cut my wife open and take her heart?"   
  


"Max, please. Just listen to me. Your wife has a rare blood type that matches a person who will die without a transplant. If she survives the transplant she will be able to lead a normal life. Think about this, Max. You will give another person a chance to live. Think about it."   
  
Max stared at the doctor for a few seconds before he nodded and turned his eyes back to his wife. "I'll think about it."   
  


"Thank you, Max."   
  


Max slowly pushed away one blonde strand of hair from Tess's forehead before leaning forward and placing a soft kiss on her forehead, one of his hot tears dripping down onto her cool, lifeless skin.

TBC...


	3. Chapter 3

You guys are just soo sweet!! Thank you so much for the feedback!!!

**Cristine** – Thank you for the offer about making me a banner. I was truly honored and I would've loved to have one made by you. But I actually already have one. Talena made me one, but I cannot show it here. This site doesn't allow that. Thank you anyway!! =D

Just to make something clear. This fic is AU (Alternate Universe). For those of you who doesn't know, it means that this story does not follow the show. When it's AU, either the whole background story is different or just some bits and pieces. In this, everything is different. There are no aliens. There was no shooting. Max and Liz don't know each other. They are completely human. All of them. I hope that cleared it up for those of you who might've been confused.

Thank you for reading!!

**Chapter 3**   
  


  
When water evaporates off the face of the Earth, it ascends into the troposphere where it condenses back to water droplets. If the temperature is cold enough water droplets are formed and return to the Earth as rain.   
  
Where there is rain, there are also clouds, which clutter the sky. The sun is covered and grayness spreads over the Earth, subduing life but bringing forward fragrances. The rain washes over the ground, ridding it of twigs, dirt and leaves. It wipes the surface clean.   
  
It makes a clean slate.   
  
On the day of the funeral the sun was shining brightly. The sky was bright blue and the birds were chirping. The world was full of life, taunting death. The sun was glaring at him, mocking his grieving. He wanted it to rain. He wanted to feel the rain pelt down around him, subduing his emotions. Subduing his thoughts. He wanted to feel the rain pelt down around him, the earth wailing in sorrow.   
  
He could feel the weight of the others' eyes on him. The grayness of rain would've been able to protect him from the intensity of their pity. It would have been able to shield him from their sorrow. But the sun was still shining. The birds were still singing. Life hadn't stopped yet. It was continuing and he vaguely felt it pass him by.   
  
_Tess Kayla Evans __  
July 5, 1978   
August 15, 2001_   
  
How could he stand here out in the sunshine while she was being lowered down in the damp and decayed soil? She had been making plans to take Josh to Disneyland. They had been planning to leave Josh at Isabel's and spend some time alone. Now she no longer existed.   
  
_Joshua Christopher Evans __  
February 10, 1999   
August 14, 2001_   
  
He felt numb. His heart had been ripped from his chest. He wasn't really there anymore. He had stopped breathing the second his son had stopped breathing. His heart had stopped beating the second Tess' heart had stopped. Except it really never had. A part of Tess now lived on in another person. Her heart was still living and beating. But it wasn't beating for her son. It wasn't beating for him. It wasn't even beating for her. It was beating for a stranger.   
  
He had tried to find peace with the fact that Tess' death gave someone else life, but he couldn't. How could he? Tess was still dead. She was still gone. Her breath was still gone. Her skin was still cold. Her body was still being lowered into the soil.   
  
"Max, are you coming?"   
  
He knew he was supposed to answer, but he couldn't. Nothing mattered to him anymore. He wanted the sun to stop shining and the rain to fall. He wanted to hold his wife and son in his arms. But he couldn't. Nothing mattered anymore.   
  
"Take your time, honey."   
  
He slowly closed his eyes. The sun was burning his eyelids and all he could do was stand there. Wait for the rain to begin falling. Wait for something that would drown his feelings. Wait for something that would make it worth taking his next breath. 

------------------------------------------

  
  
_A week earlier_   
  
The first thing she heard as she started to wake up was the beating of her heart. She could feel it working inside of her. She could feel it living. She slowly opened her eyes.   
  
"Liz?"   
  
The second thing she noticed was the air that flowed into her lungs. It came so easily, so smoothly. As if it were no effort to breathe. No effort at all to pull oxygen into her air sacs.   
  
"Nancy? I think she's awake."   
  
"Lizzie, honey?"   
  
Everything was muffled. It was like she had been lowered in a can of cotton, muffling all of the sounds around her. But even the bright light couldn't stop her from keeping her eyes open and let it rest on all the smiling faces around her.   
  
"Hi honey."   
  
Her mother came to stand beside her bed and she felt her take her hand. The anesthesia was slowly wearing off and feelings were beginning to spring to life within her.   
  
Euphoria.   
  
That was what she felt. A happiness greater than anything she'd ever felt before. She was still alive and she was breathing. She was thinking.   
  
She squeezed her mother's hand in response.   
  
"How are you feeling?"   
  
Her best friend came into view and she wanted to smile. She wanted to laugh. She wanted to jump up and hug everyone. But she knew that she would have a lot of time for that later. A whole lifetime. Something she had never been able to promise herself before.   
  
She tried to lift her arm to reach out for her, but something was keeping it on the bed.   
  
"Those are the wrist restraints, baby," her father's voice told her, "You remember those, right?"   
  
She remembered. Maria stepped up beside her mother and stroked a strand of hair away from Liz's forehead.   
  
"You look beautiful, girlfriend," she smiled gently.   
  
Liz could feel the drugs pulling on her again, prompting her to continue resting her body.   
  
"Go back to sleep, pumpkin," she heard her mother say as her eyelids grew heavier, "We'll be here when you wake up."   
  
Before she drifted back to a peaceful sleep she heard Maria's voice,   
  
"Welcome back, Liz."   
  
And they were the most beautiful words she'd ever heard.   
  
  
  
TBC...


	4. Chapter 4

Hi everyone!!

Thank you soo much for the feedback!! *waves to all new readers* 

**Sezza43** – I'm very honored that you, as a die-hard candy girl, decided to read this. Thank you!!

Here's the next part...

**Chapter 4**   
  
_1983 – 18 years prior to the accident_   
  
"The wheels on the bus go round and round, round and round, round and round. The wheels on the bus go round and round..."   
  
The world was spinning, the air playing seek and hide in her long dark hair. Her warm laughter filled the air as she watched her surroundings fade into a blur. She bit down the nausea. She wasn't going to get nauseous. She was going to prove to Maria that she could ride this carousel without getting nauseous. She didn't like it when Maria teased her for being a coward. She giggled as Maria stepped up to the carousel and she saw her flash by in a blur of colors.   
  
The pressure over her chest took her by surprise and her eyes drifted closed as she leaned forward in pain.   
  
"Lizzie? Are you okay?"   
  
She heard Maria's voice, but she couldn't answer. Her chest was hurting, as were her left arm and her shoulders. She started to feel lightheaded and it didn't stop even though Maria stopped the carousel from spinning.   
  
"Mia...my chest hurts..."   
  


"I'm getting Mrs. Parker. Okay, Lizzie? Stay here."   
  


But the little five-year old was already fighting to just stay conscious. She faintly heard her mother's voice, but she just sounded so far away. So far away. 

--------------------------------------------------

  
  
_Present time - two years after the accident_   
  
"Hey sweetie. Are you hungry? You are hungry, right?"   
  


She got a loud satisfied purr in response.   
  


"Honey, what are you doing up here? You know what Kevin thinks about that. He doesn't like that."   
  


She gently pushed the cat away from the can she was in the middle of opening. The cat meowed and looked up at her expectantly.   
  


"Yes, you're getting the food," Liz smiled.   
  


As she pulled out the drawer to get a spoon, she heard the front door open.   
  


"Honey, I'm home!"   
  


"In the kitchen!"   
  


Kevin walked into the kitchen with a big smile on his face.   
"Hi honey," he pecked her on the cheek.   
  


"Hey," Liz answered, "How's work?"   
  


"Good, good," his eyes drifted to the cat stroking against Liz shoulder, "Liz, you really shouldn't let the cat walk on the counter. You don't know what germs she could be carrying around. We have food on this counter-"   
  
"Kevin," Liz sighed, "I know, she's an indoor cat. Whatever she's carrying can't be that bad."   
Kevin watched her as she loaded cat food on the cat's plate. "I'm just...looking out for you, you know?"   
  


Liz forced herself to smile. "I know."   
  


She sighed inwardly as Kevin took a hold of the cat and put her on the floor.   
  


"So, how has your day been?" Kevin asked.   
  


"Fine. I've been taking it easy and gotten pretty much everything done."   
  


"Have you taken your pills today?"   
  


Liz grimaced. She had the sudden urge to pull off her arm and start chewing on it in frustration. That would've been more pleasant than for the umpteenth time hear that question move over her boyfriend's lips. Like she would ever forget to take the pills that could mean the difference between life and death. But no matter how much she wanted to yell at him for being so overprotective it was almost suffocating her, she knew that he was only doing it because he was worried about her. He was looking out for her. But his "looking out for her" was slowly driving her mad.   
  
"Yes," she answered, her tone a little shorter than she intended it to be.   
  


"Did you call Dr. Stevens and make that appointment?"   
  


"Yes," Liz answered and moved away from him to put the plate on the floor. Kevin, though, seemed oblivious to her distant and cool tone.   
  


"Good."   
  


Liz straightened up and put the spoon in the dishwasher. "There's dinner in the fridge for you."   
  


"Oh, thank you," Kevin said, "I'm gonna go and change."   
  


"Mmm." Liz put the can in the fridge.   
  


Kevin stopped in the doorway. "Are you feeling okay?"   
  


Liz looked up at him and immediately felt guilty for acting as she did. Softly, she answered, "Yes, Kevin. I'm fine, thank you."   
  


"You look tired. What have you been up to today? You haven't exerted yourself too much, I hope."   
  


"No, Kevin. I've been working."   
  


"You've been working?" The surprise was clear and Liz sighed despite herself.   
  


"Writing," she answered.   
  
Kevin didn't consider her writing to be work. When she had been sick it had been the only thing she had been able to do and it had saved her mind on more than one occasion. Early in life, she had decided that she wanted to write. It was her dream. Her passion. But Kevin had never understood that. At first, he had accepted it because it had brought Liz some sense of peace and he had more or less considered it to be a hobby. He often asked her if she was going to start looking for a job soon. He couldn't accept that her job was to write. That all she ever wanted to do was to write. His inability to understand that it was such a big part of her soul was getting on her nerves.   
  
"Oh, that," Kevin said. "You know, I talked to Jennifer today and she told me that they were looking for a waitress at _Sunset_. I know that waiting tables is not much, but at least it's a start."   
  


Liz had to bit her lower lip to stop herself from telling him what really was on her mind. "No, I don't think waiting tables is my thing."   
  


"Okay then," Kevin smiled and disappeared into the bedroom.   
  


Liz closed her eyes and tried to relax herself by taking deep breaths. It wasn't working. She needed to get out of there.   
  


"I'm going out!" she yelled towards the bedroom as she grabbed her coat.   
  


"Where are you going?" Kevin asked.   
  


"Maria's," Liz answered shortly and the door slammed shut behind her. 

---------------------------------------

  
  
"Hi girlfriend," Maria said as she opened the door and found Liz standing there, fiddling with her car keys.   
  


"Hey Maria," Liz said, still not meeting Maria's eyes.   
  


"So, what's up?" Maria asked casually.   
  


"May I?" Liz motioned towards the living room.   
  


"Oh, sure, sure," Maria stepped aside to let Liz enter the apartment. She frowned as she watched Liz's fidgety behavior. She knew Liz well enough to know that she was upset. And it wasn't really a difficult science to figure out what had made her so upset.   
  


"Are you okay?"   
  


"Yeah," Liz looked up and gave her something that was probably intended to be a smile, but the attempt failed miserably. "I'm great."   
  


"So... what are you doing here?" Maria asked suspiciously.   
  


"I just wanted to...you know, hang out," Liz said, "Do I need a specific reason?"   
  


"Did you and Kevin have a fight?"   
  
"No," Liz answered lightly and moved into the kitchen. Maria folded her arms over her chest and watched Liz as she opened the refrigerator door and started to rummage through its contents.   
  


"That's right. You and Kevin don't fight. You quasi-fight."   
  


"Huh?" Liz opened the freeze and asked distractedly, "Do you have any ice cream?"   
  


"Oh yeah, you had a fight."   
  


Liz picked out the ice cream box and sighed. "No, Maria. We didn't have a fight."   
  


"That's the problem! You don't fight!"   
  


Liz frowned. "What's that supposed to mean?"   
  


"You know exactly what I mean," Maria said, but decided to spell it out for her anyway, "Don't you think it would be good for you if you cleared the air sometimes?"   
  


"We clear the air," Liz objected, opening the drawer in the search of a spoon and held up a spoon for Maria in question. "You want some?"   
  
"Sure," Maria answered, taking a deep breath. "Liz, you're, like, the queen of avoiding arguments."   
  


Liz laughed nervously. "I am not. So, how did that lecture go today?"   
  


"See, there you go."   
  


"What?" Liz asked innocently.   
  


"Avoiding an argument," Maria said. "If you can't tell _him_ what's bothering you, at least tell me."   
  


Liz sighed. "There's nothing to tell. Let's just talk about something else. I need to talk about something else, Maria."   
  


Maria shook her head at Liz's pleading eyes. "Nu-uh, you need to get this off your chest, 

Liz," She raised her eye-brows suggestively, "We have ice cream..." 

--------------------------------------------------

  
  
"So, spill," Maria said, plunging her spoon in the ice cream box.   
  


They were seated on Maria's bed, the ice cream positioned between them.   
  


"Umm...there's really nothing special going on," Liz said evasively.   
  


"Okay, I'll go," Maria said, "Have you told Kevin what you feel?"   
  


"Yes, I've told him," Liz said.   
  


"Then tell him again and make him understand this time."   
  


Liz sighed. "I can't do that."   
  


"Why not?"   
  


"He's only concerned about me, Maria. He's concerned about my health."   
  


"But you're fine now, Liz. He doesn't need to be watching you every second any longer. And even if he's doing it out of the goodness of his heart, it's still tearing you apart. You need to tell him."   
  


"I'm gonna hurt him."   
  
"Liz," Maria put down the spoon and looked Liz directly into the eyes. "You are like the kindest and gentlest person I know and you have the biggest heart. But you can't keep doing this to yourself. You can't be so nice to other people that it comes at the expense of your own happiness. You have to do something for yourself once in a while. And let's face it. You not telling him what you're really feeling probably hurts him more than you telling him would."   
  


"You don't understand, Maria. He doesn't know anything else. We met when I was sick. He fell in love with me when I was sick. He lived with me for two years while I was sick. It's all he knows."   
  


"Yes, I get that. But you've been healthy for _two years_. Shouldn't he start to accustom himself to that instead?"   
  


"He's just worried about me."   
  


Maria sighed. "Liz, don't try to convince me that he isn't making you feel trapped. That he doesn't make you feel guilty about doing something outside of the normal borders of your life. I know you, Liz. You are so afraid that you will hurt the people around you and so afraid that they are going to abandon you, that you settle for second best."   
  
"Kevin's not second best," Liz objected weakly, but there was no longer any determination behind her words.   
  


Maria looked at her best friend compassionately. "If you are not willing to yell at him to try to fix your relationship, is there really anything left to fight for?"   
  


"What are you saying, Maria?"   
  


"I'm not saying anything, Liz. This is your life, your decision. But I'm here for you. Supporting you in whatever you decide to do."   
  


"You think I should break up with Kevin, right?"   
  


"I didn't say that."   
  


"No, Maria. But you've been implying it for the last...um...three years," Liz said, putting down the spoon on the table.   
  


"You want the truth?" Maria asked.   
  
"Please."   
  


"I don't think Kevin's the one. I don't see sparks flying everywhere when you're together," she set up her hand to quiet Liz as she opened her mouth to object, "and I'm not saying that there even have to be sparks. It's just... When I look at you, I see two very good friends. Not lovers. Maybe even siblings."   
  


Liz scrunched her face in disgust. "Ew Maria, that's disgusting."   
  


Maria couldn't help but giggle. "Sorry. I guess what I'm trying to say is that maybe you should start living again. For real. Break free of everything that has any relation to your old life. Well, me excluded."   
  


Liz smiled faintly. She knew what Maria was telling her. She had even thought about it once or twice herself. Kevin was stuck in the past. Or more precisely, he was stuck in the old Liz. But, as she had told Maria, she couldn't blame him for it. It was the Liz he knew. He didn't know anything else. But the fact that she was desperately trying to ignore was that he wasn't even trying to get to know the new her. He wasn't even trying to see beyond her condition.   
  


"I'm scared, Maria."   
  
Maria gave her a comforting smile and put the ice cream on the nightstand. "I know you are, Liz. But you're not alone in this. I'll never abandon you and if you tell Kevin what you really think," she took Liz's hand and emphasized, "what you really think, I don't think that Kevin will hate you or think any less of you. He might be hurt to start with, but he'll get over it."   
  


"What if I end up alone for the rest of my life? Who wants a girl with a bad heart? I'm damaged goods, Maria."   
  


"No, you're not," Maria said adamantly. "Don't ever think that about yourself. You are as good as anyone else, maybe even better. And any guy would be lucky to have you!"   
  


A lonesome tear trickled down Liz's cheek. Kevin wasn't just her boyfriend. He was her first boyfriend ever. He had been her first kiss and her first lover. But he was also a security blanket. If she held on to him she wouldn't have to worry about whether someone else would love her more, because at least she knew for a fact that Kevin loved her. It was safe. It wasn't passionate. It wasn't the love of her dreams. But at least it was safe.   
  
Maria put her arms around her best friend and pulled her into a hug. "Liz, I'm not saying that you should scream and throw things at him, even though it might be good to vent your repressed emotions some... What I'm saying is just this. Talk to him, Liz. At least he deserves your honesty."   
  


Maria felt Liz nod against her shoulder. "Okay..."

TBC...


	5. Chapter 5

Thank you so much for the feedback!! I love to hear your opinions!!

**Thank you!**

**Chapter 5**   
  


  
_2003 – Two years after the accident_   
  
At the ringing of the bell, Max clapped his hands together.   
  


"Okay, guys. That's it for today."   
  


He was met with cheers and the loud sound of chairs being pushed away from their desks.   
  


"I'll see you all on Monday. Have a nice weekend."   
  


"You too, Mr. Evans," the children answered in unison before they slipped out of the classroom to embrace the waiting weekend. It didn't take long for the classroom to become empty of the laughing and talking voices of twenty little seven-year-olds.   
  


"Mr. Evans?"   
  


Max looked up in surprise from the notes he had sat down to go through and found the shy little Hannah standing in front of the desk, shyly looking up at him through her dark bangs.   
  


"Yes, Hannah?" he asked softly.   
  


"I picked this for you during recess," Hannah answered and handed him a flower.   
  


"Th-thank you," Max stuttered as the flower was placed in his outstretched hand. With a tentative smile, the little girl quickly skittered out of the classroom and the silence enveloped him.   
  
Daisy.   
  
It was a daisy.   
  
She had loved daisies.   
  
"It's that for me?"   
  


He looked up, not surprised to hear her voice. She was sitting on one of the desks at the back of the classroom. She wore the same dress as she had worn every time she had visited him. It was a long white thin dress that softly hugged her form and billowed out around her shapely legs. Those legs were now dangling over the edge of the desk. The soft curls of her honey colored hair were framing her face.   
  


"A little girl gave it to me."   
  


"Hannah, right?" She smiled.   
  


Sometimes he wondered if she was just a figure of his imagination or if she was really there.   
  


"Yes."   
  


"They are beautiful. You know how much I love daisies, right?"   
  


"I remember."   
  


Mesmerized, he watched her hop down from the desk and slowly make his way up to her desk. She was glowing.   
  


"You look like an angel," he whispered.   
  


She smiled.   
  


The daisy had fallen out of his hand and her delicate smooth hand was now reaching for it. He wanted to reach out and touch her, to feel her skin under his fingers.   
  


"Max?"   
  


His head jerked up in the direction of the sound.   
  
Madison.   
  
His head quickly turned back towards her, but she was gone. Vanished.   
  


"Max? Are you okay?"   
  


He could feel the tears burning behind his closed eyelids. Taking a deep breath he nodded.   
  


"Yes, I'm fine. Thank you, Madison."   
  


There was a pause and then he heard her move into the classroom. "If you ever need to talk, I'm here."   
  


Max swallowed. "Thank you. I appreciate it."   
  


Sometimes he wished they would all go away. All the people with their caring eyes and pitiful looks. Sometimes he wished that he could just close himself up in a room and not have to deal with reality. That he could live in his own world with her and his son.   
  


"Um...I'm gonna go now."   
  


There was a pause. She was probably waiting for him to answer, but he didn't have any words to give her.   
  


"You have my number, right?"   
  


Max nodded.   
  


"Right," Madison said. "I'll see you on Monday then."   
  


Max nodded again.   
  


"Bye Max."   
  


She was standing in the doorway, soundlessly watching him for a couple of seconds before walking away. He could feel her eyes on him. And he hated it. He knew what they thought about him. At first, right after the accident, everyone had given him time to grieve and had given him space. His loss had been accepted and respected.   
  
But it had been two years.   
  
Now his grieving wasn't considered healthy anymore. So, he had started to hide it to bury it deep down inside of him, where not even he dared to access it. He had started going to work. He had started living again, but then she had started to appear and his whole foundation had shook. He could clearly remember the first time he had seen her. It was on the day exactly one year after her death. He had finally decided to start cleaning out her clothes and he had seen her in the wall mirror. When he turned around she had been gone. He didn't know why she was visiting him. Was he going crazy? Was he seeing ghosts? Or was she just a figure his lonesome grieving existence was conjuring up? He had never removed her clothes from the closet. They were still there. Hanging next to his.   
  
She had been everything to him. He didn't know how he was supposed to go on without her. She had been his other half and they had just started their life together. They had just become parents and had started their own little family. And that drunk driver had taken it all away just by getting into the car with alcohol in his body. A single decision on that man's part had changed Max's life irreversibly.   
  
Max had spent months trying to find scapegoats. At first it had been the drunk driver. Then it had been the doctor for not being able to save her during the operation, but most of the blame he had put on himself. Maybe he could've prevented it if he had gone with her that night, if he hadn't decided to stay with Isabel and his parents. If he had convinced Tess that Josh could sleep in his old room and they could all stay a little longer. If he had just not given Tess Josh's jacket, somehow pausing her in her departure. If she had left a little sooner, maybe she wouldn't have been on the road at the same time as the driver. Maybe she would still be here with him today. Alive.   
  
His son would have been four years old in two weeks. His son had never been given a chance to explore life. It wasn't fair. It just wasn't fair. And time couldn't do anything to heal all the wounds inside of him. He was torn, destroyed inside. He felt hollow. He had died that day with her. Ever since then he had been a walking shell. Nothing inside. And the emptiness hurt. It hurt so much that sometimes he just wanted to lie down and go to sleep and hope that he never wake up again.   
  
And yet, here he was, two years after the accident. He was filling his days with the laughter and entertaining questions of seven-year-olds. In the evenings, he corrected homework and planned for the next lesson. He kept himself busy. Anything to make himself believe that he could do this. That he could live again.   
  
The dreams had disturbed him in the beginning, but then he had discovered the wonder of sleeping pills. They were like a switch to his brain. With them he could switch off his thinking and go to sleep and wake up the next day and go on pretending that nothing was wrong.   
  
His eyes drifted to the daisy and then back to the door, which Madison had left slightly ajar. He really liked Madison. She had become one of his friends when he had gotten the work as a teacher at the elementary school, but it was the time after Tess's death that she had become a really close friend. She had been there to comfort him a lot of times when he had been prepared to let the sorrow drag him down, and she had pulled him back up again. The majority of his old friends he had shared with Tess and after the accident their sorrow was drowning him. Madison was like a new start, someone that didn't know Tess, but whom he could introduce to her through his memories. She had been there when he had wanted to cry, comforting him.   
  
But no one really knew the depth of his sorrow. How he was barely able to get up every morning. How the simple act of putting on clothes in the morning had turned into a decision between wanting to move on or not.   
  
Some people went through their whole lives looking for that special someone who loved you unconditionally. Who shared everything with you. Who gave you everything, intellectually, mentally, and physically. That special someone. Your soulmate. But what if you already found that special someone? What if you found that person in someone everyone at first just had believed was a high school crush? What if this person made all your dreams come true? What if this person agreed to spend the rest of their life with you? What if this person was ripped away from you... What was there left to live for? Should you go on searching and hope that, against all odds, there was another soulmate out there for you? Should you settle for another person, one who didn't make all your dreams come true but was a good second best?   
  
Max could torture himself for hours about whether life was worth living without Tess. She had been his everything and when your everything is stolen from you. What do you have left?   
  
Nothing.   
  
  
  
TBC...

Thank you for reading!


	6. Chapter 6

Hi!

Thank you soooo much for the feedback, you guys!! And a big "Hi" ::waves:: to all new readers!

On with the next chapter...

**Chapter 6**   
  
  
"Hi Max," Isabel said with a warm smile and pulled her brother into a hug, "Where's Madison?"   
  


"Uhm... She couldn't come," Max answered.   
  


Isabel pulled back and looked him into the eyes. "You didn't ask her?"   
  


It was more of a statement than a question. Max dropped his eyes. Isabel sighed, despite herself.   
  


"Max, I like Madison. _You_ like Madison. Just because she's not, like, the love of your life doesn't mean that she can't tag along."   
  


"She's just a friend, Isabel," Max said.   
  


Isabel ruffled his hair. "I know, little brother. But even though she's just a friend, she does _eat_, right?"   
  


"Uncle Max, Uncle Max, Uncle Max!!!"   
  


A big smile spread over Max's face as his niece came running towards him. "Oh! Who's that?"   
The little blonde girl giggled at her uncle's tactics. "It's me, silly. Michelle!"   
  
Max squinted his eyes and tapped his finger lightly against his chin as he seemed to ponder whether he knew this girl or not. Then his eyes widened in surprise and recognition. "Right... Now I remember. You're _Michelle_!"   
  


Michelle rolled her eyes. "That's what I said!"   
  


Isabel just shook her head with a bright smile caressing her delicate features.   
  


Max smiled and went down on his knees, opening his arms invitingly. Michelle easily slipped into his arms and he hugged her to him tightly. Isabel had to choke back a sob at the sight. The connection her daughter shared with Max was just amazing and every time she saw it she was reminded of everything that Max had been deprived of; not only his wife, but also his own son.   
  


"Please, invite her next time, okay?" Isabel said.   
  


Max rose, with Michelle in his arms and he nodded obediently. "Your wish is my command, sis."   
  
Michelle scrunched her nose in confusion. "What's a 'domand'?"   
  


"I do anything you tell me too," Max clarified seriously.   
  


Michelle brightened and her forehead creased in deep thought. "Could you bark like a dog?"   
  


"Uhm…well..."   
  


Isabel winked at Max as his expression revealed that perhaps he shouldn't have made such a promise. "Dinner's ready soon, you guys."   
  


"Max!"   
  


Isabel's husband entered the hallway, saving Max from a rather embarrassing experience of ending up barking like a dog. He had a serious problem resisting fulfilling Michelle's every whim.   
  


"Alex." Max couldn't hide the relief in his voice.   
  


"How are you, man?" Max moved Michelle to rest against his hip and took Alex's hand.   
  


"Good, and might I just say, Alex, that you better keep an eye on this young lady," Max turned towards Michelle and kissed her on the tip of her nose which elicited a giggle from the little girl, "because soon she'll have all the boys running after her."   
  
Michelle scrunched her nose. "I don't want boys runnin' after me. They'w mean… and gross!"   
Her father ruffled her hair, "Yeah, stick to that belief, honey. Let's go into the dining room, Max."   
  


"You wanna know what I did today?" Michelle asked.   
  


"What did you do today?" Max asked.   
  


"I painted three pictures," Michelle proudly held up two fingers and Max smiled, "I made one special for you."   
  


Max's eyes widened in surprise, "Special for me?"   
  


"MmmHmmm," Michelle nodded proudly, "I'll get it now."   
  


"Okay." Max put Michelle on the ground and watched her run towards the stairs.   
  


"Everything's going okay at work?" Alex asked.   
  


Max nodded. "Yeah, the kids are great. How's the advertisement coming along?"   
  


"It's going really well," Alex said, "I think we'll be able to finish it by the end of the week."   
  


"Here it is!"   
  
Max and Alex turned to see Michelle running towards them as fast as her short legs would allow. Max pulled out a chair and sat down. Michelle immediately climbed up into his lap.   
A little out of breath, but with a big smile on her face she gave him her drawing. It was a big round circle with a lot of different colors. Some had ended up inside the circle, others hadn't been that lucky.   
  


"Wow," Max said, trying desperately to figure out what she had painted.   
  


"That's a reino...ren..rino.." Michelle sighed exasperatedly and turned to her father. "Daddy, what's the word?"   
  


"A rhinoceros," Alex smiled and turned to Max, "They've been reading about them in school."   
  


"Yeah, a rinosos," Michelle said, and proceeded with pointing out a sun, a flower and a sea on the picture.   
  


"That's beautiful, Michelle," Max said.   
  


"And it's a pwesent for you," Michelle said happily.   
  


Max chuckled. "Thank you, sweetheart." His gaze flickered over the dining table. "Are we expecting more people?"   
  


"Oh," Alex brightened up, "Yeah, Michael's coming too."   
  
"He is? I thought he was out of town this week," Max said, surprised.   
  


"Yeah, well he was, but there was a change of plans," Alex said cryptically. Max squinted his eyes at him. "What are you implying?"   
  


"He's bringing a date," Alex said, at which Max almost fell off his chair.   
  


"Michael?" he asked incredulously. "Michael _Guerin_?"   
  


"Yep," Alex answered.   
  


"As in he…" Max abruptly cut himself off and glanced down at the blonde bundle of innocence sitting in his lap, "heck-will-freeze-over-before-I-resort-to-something-as-unnecessary-as-dating Michael Guerin?"   
  


"That would be him," Isabel answered as she walked into the dining room, putting down the bowl of salad on the table.   
  


"You're kidding me," Max said.   
  


"No kidding," Michelle chirped in.   
  


The doorbell rang.   
  


"I got it!!" Michelle slipped off Max lap and ran towards the door, her hair flying wildly in the air.   
  
"That would be them now," Alex announced and started to walk out towards the front door.   
  


"I told you to bring Madison," Isabel told him as she walked past him.   
  


Max watched Isabel disappear out of the room, a myriad of emotions speeding through him. Michael had, up until now, been a safe card. He was something Max could always count on to be more or less single. Max knew that he was being ridiculous and selfish. It was only one date, but the whole thing had awoken a deep fear within Max. A fear of being the only one left, of spending his whole life alone. Despite the fact that he sometimes thought that he was only entitled to the memories of his life and the dreams of what his life might have been, he didn't want to end up alone. He wanted to live on, with someone by his side. But he was scared. Scared of taking that step again. Michael's inability to make a commitment to anyone had always offered him some sort of comfort. As long as Michael couldn't do it, Max didn't need to do it either. And now Isabel was afraid that he would feel like the third wheel, which wasn't entirely untrue.   
  
He took a deep breath and walked out towards the happy voices that reached him from the hallway.   
  


"...no, that's fine. Thank you."   
  


"Long time no see, huh?" he heard Alex say as he rounded the corner. Michael just pulled Isabel into a hug, but Max's eyes drifted to the person standing beside Michael.   
  


"Max, hey man. She managed to drag you here too?"   
  


Max turned his head towards the voice of his best friend. "Hi Michael. I didn't know you were in town."   
  


Michael shrugged. "I wasn't really, but Maria wanted to meet the infamous gang. Max, this is Maria."   
  


"Hi, Max," the blonde girl said with a smile and offered him her hand.   
  


"It's nice to meet you," Max said while shaking her hand.   
  


"Well, let's move into the dining area, shall we?" Isabel, ever the good hostess, said, "You must all be starving." 

---------------------------------

  
  
"So, Maria. What do you do for a living?"   
  


"I'm in the service oriented business," Maria smiled.   
  


"She's a waitress," Michael filled in.   
  


Maria cast something towards Michael very similar to a glare. Max exchanged an amused look with Isabel. "Um... I'm actually not a waitress. I was when I was younger. My mom owned a restaurant. She still does, actually. But now we are partners, so I'm taking care of the money. I would consider myself an accountant."   
  


"And she waits on people," Michael filled in.   
  


"I do not," Maria glared at Michael and then turned to the others with an apologetic smile. "I do not."   
  


Isabel laughed lightly. "Well, it sounds like an interesting job. Where are you from?"   
  


"Roswell. Born and raised."   
  


"How did you guys meet?" Alex asked. "Roswell's pretty far from here."   
  


"Michael was in Albuquerque in business, as was I. And we sort of ran into each other," Maria explained.   
  
"She took my suitcase," Michael clarified.   
  


"What?" Isabel laughed.   
  


Maria smiled broadly. "We had the same suitcases, so I mistakenly took his. Somehow, he managed to spot me before I left the airport, or more exactly the suitcase. I was happy that he did. I wouldn't want to come home and find a lot of men's clothes in my suitcase instead of my usual clothes."   
  


Alex chuckled. "Especially not _Michael's_ dirty ones." He scrunched his nose to emphasise the statement and his daughter scrunched her nose beside him.   
  


"Thank you so much Alex for sharing that piece of information," Michael said sarcastically.   
  


"I don't really know how, but somehow we ended up in a restaurant and then…well, here I am," Maria filled in.   
  


"Typical you, Michael, to hook up with someone at an airport," Alex said with an amused grin.   
  


"So, Max. What are you up to?" Maria asked.   
  
The dark-haired man intrigued her. He hadn't said more than five words to her during the whole dinner. His silence interested her. The person he had shared most words with was the three-year-old Michelle. They seemed to have an understanding that went past words and if Maria had read Max correctly this far, she would've guessed that he was a man of few words and that he often conveyed his message in other ways. It was difficult to see where he fitted in the group. Isabel, his sister, was outgoing and talkative. Alex was pulling jokes every second minute and Michael... Well, Michael was Michael. Maybe Michael wasn't the most social guy she'd ever dated, but he talked more than Max did.   
  


"I'm a teacher," Max answered.   
  


"Oh," Maria smiled, "which grade are you teaching?"   
  


"First," Max answered. Maria could see him lighten up. Something in his eyes came to life and it hit Maria how much emotion Max's eyes could express. Maria's forehead momentarily frowned in contemplation as she studied Max's face. What had put that blank expression in his eyes? That look devoid of emotions.   
  
Maria's gaze on him was making Max uncomfortable. For a year after the death of his wife, he had been forced to deal with lots of looks and patronizing whispers. People had started to accept that he wasn't going to go back to the Max Evans he had been before. They had been forced to accept this new solemn and quiet and washed out version of his former self. However, he hadn't experienced the deeply scrutinizing looks in a year, until now from a girl he had only just met. She was looking at him as if he were a puzzle she was trying to figure out. And it was unnerving him.   
  
He dropped his eyes and unconsciously started to fidget with the edge of his napkin.   
  


"I love children," Maria said, breaking the silence. She was obviously making him uncomfortable. That was not what she intended to do, "And especially at that age. The questions they ask and the things they say… they're just hilarious sometimes."   
Max looked up at her, his eyes softening. "They're great. They see so much of the world that we don't see."   
  


Maria smiled, her fascination with this man growing by the second. "Yes, I agree. We could probably learn a lot from them."   
  


Max nodded.   
  
  
The rest of dinner continued with more comfortable topics of conversation. It didn't go unnoticed by anyone how eager Maria seemed to be to pull Max out of his shell. The others silently applauded her for having the patience. Max had always been closed off. Even before the accident. Isabel had caught herself smiling several times during the dinner. Maria reminded her of Tess in some ways, especially in her interactions with Max. She wasn't afraid to speak her mind and she more or less discreetly forced Max to take part in her conversations with her honesty. It was fascinating to see. 

---------------------------------------------------

  
  
"Are you ready to go?" Michael asked.   
  


"Yes," Maria answered, "I just want to say good-bye to Max first. You know where he is?"   
Michael chuckled. "Upstairs, second room to the left. If I know him correctly."   
Maria shot him a look of confusion before walking up the stairs. Before she had reached the top of the stairs she could hear his voice. It was floating out of the door that was slightly ajar to her left. She stepped up to the door and silently pushed the door open a little. The inhabitants of the room were so engrossed in what they were doing that they didn't notice her presence.   
  


"The angry Captain Crook was skillful with the sword," Max voice was soft and low, but at the next sentence his voice became more forceful, "But Peter Pan was quicker and up on the rig Crook slipped and fell."   
  


A smile started to spread over Maria's face as the little girl covered her eyes as if she already knew what Max was going to read next. Max's voice grew softer, but still held a tone of anticipation.   
  
"The hungry crocodile was waiting for the captain, who, with a splash," Max added a splashing sound, "fell into the water just in time for the crocodile's dinner."   
  


"Will the cwokodile eat Cwook?" Michelle asked in a small voice.   
  


"Nah," Max said reassuringly, "I don't think he tastes good."   
  


Michelle scrunched her nose. "I don't phink so either."   
  


Max smiled lovingly at the girl and pressed a kiss to the top of her head before his gaze fell on the book in his lap and he continued reading.   
  


"'Help! Save me!' Crook cried and swam as fast as he could towards the distant shore..."   
  


Coming to the decision that the scene in front of her was too beautiful to destroy, Maria silently closed the door and walked down the stairs.

TBC...


	7. Chapter 7

_Thank you so much for the feedback, you guys!!_

**Chapter 7**   
  
  
"Alex, I don't know if this is such a good idea."   
  


Alex sighed. "C'mon Max! You need to get out of that house!"   
  


Max absent-mindedly scratched his eyebrow. "Actually, I have tons of homework to correct."   
  


"They are seven years old. How much homework have you been giving them?"   
  


"I was planning on mowing the lawn," Max said evasively.   
  


Alex chuckled. "You're unbelievable. Well, I don't want to be the one telling the little girl over here that you are not coming. Either you come along, or you're the one who'll have to deal with her tears."   
  


Max closed his eyes and sighed. "Alex, why do you tell her that I'm gonna come before asking me?"   
  


"Because I know that it's the only way to get you to agree to come."   
  


"That's not fair play."   
  


"It's for your own good, Maxie-boy. Come on now! It's only one day at the mall. How bad could it be?"   
  
"Oh, excuse me, maybe I misunderstood you," Max said with a hint of sarcasm in his voice, "Isabel _isn't_ coming along?"   
  


"She isn't that bad," Alex protested.   
  


"Alex," Max said dead-seriously, "Take it from someone who grew up with her. She is _that_ bad!"   
  


"Then we can split up at the mall or whatever. I can go with Isabel, and you and Michelle can storm all the toy stores, because you are the only reason she's going with us anyway. She has gotten this bizarre notion in her little head that her mother spends way too much time in shoe stores."   
  


Max face split up in a grin. "That's my girl," he said proudly.   
  


"Is that a yes?" Alex inquired.   
  


Max sighed in defeat. "I'm only coming along because I want to save Michelle from her own mother."   
  


Alex grinned triumphantly. "We'll come by and pick you up at four."   
  


"Fine," Max grumbled, trying to come off as irritated, but truthfully he was happy to have found a reason to get out of the house. The house Tess and he had bought four years earlier. 

-------------------------------------------------------

  
  
"...and den mommy tol' me dat I can get a happy wheel-"   
  


"A happy wheel?"   
  


"At matdonalds," Michelle clarified with a duh-look.   
  


Max smacked himself over his forehead in an oh-stupid-me gesture. "Right, right. So, you want that mermaid in the happy meal?"   
  


Michelle nodded fervently. "Yup. And den mommy tol' me dat you would take me to Toys a us..."   
  


"What are you getting at Toys 'R' us, honey?" Max asked.   
  


"Michelle? Michelle? Are you going to say good-bye to your daddy?"   
  


Michelle grinned at her father and gave him a wet kiss on the cheek as he kneeled down in front of her. "Bye daddy."   
  


Alex rolled his eyes. "See ya later alligator..."   
  


"After 'while cwocodile," Michelle added.   
  


"Is that what you are teaching our daughter?" Isabel asked behind her husband.   
  


"Vital information," Alex answered.   
  
Isabel shook her head with a smile and picked Michelle up to give her a hug.   
  


"Whoa, honey," she groaned, "You're getting way too big for me to carry."   
  


"I'm a biiig girl," Michelle said proudly.   
  


"You sure are," Isabel said and nuzzled her nose. "Now, you have to promise me that you do everything uncle Max tells you, okay?"   
  


"I pomise," Michelle said seriously.   
  


"Okay, pumpkin," Isabel said, putting her daughter back down on the ground. She linked arms with her husband and looked at her brother. "Okay, little brother. We'll meet here again in three hours."   
Max arched an eyebrow. "Are you sure you'll be able to go through all stores in just three hours?"   
  


"Haha, very funny," Isabel quipped, "You guys have fun."   
  


"We will," Max said and took Michelle's hand. "Won't we, Michelle?"   
  


"Yup," Michelle answered, already tugging on Max's hand to get him moving towards the first toy store in line. "C'moooon Max."   
  
"I guess I'd better get going," Max said hurriedly as he stumbled after Michelle. "Whoa, Michelle. Have you been working out?"   
  


Isabel smiled as her brother and her daughter disappeared inside the mall.   
  


"So, Mrs. Whitman, what is first on the list today?" Alex asked.   
  


"Shoes, definitely shoes," Isabel mused and took a forceful grip on her husband's arm and pulled him across the mall. Alex started to understand where some of Michelle's maneuvers came from. 

----------------------------------------------------

  
  
"Wow, this place is big!" Liz exclaimed.   
  


"I told you so," Maria said cheerfully.   
  


"Maybe they should make a map for this place, because I'm a little worried I'll get lost," Liz said.   
Maria scrunched her nose. "Yeah, with your sense of direction, I guess a map would be very beneficial."   
  


Liz punched her lightly on the arm. "Thank you, Maria."   
  


Maria laughed. "Well, you have to admit that forgetting how to drive back from my place is pretty sad."   
  


Liz rolled her eyes, "Yeah, whatever Maria." What she was about to say was interrupted as Maria took a firm grip on her elbow and pulled at her so quickly that Liz almost lost her balance. "Maria, wha-"   
  


"Oh, look look look!!" Maria said ecstatically, "There are those new flavored ice-creams. We just gotta taste those!"   
  


Liz grinned at the sight of her best friend bouncing up and down, with the face of a child on Christmas Day plastered on her face. 

"Maria, relax. It's just ice-cream," Liz chuckled.   
  


"C'mon now, Liz. Let's get some," Maria giggled, pulling on Liz.   
  


Liz smiled and gestured towards one of the few benches in the mall. "I think I'm just gonna sit down for a while."   
  


Maria instantly turned serious and asked concerned, "Are you okay?"   
  


Liz waved her concern off. "Yes, I'm fine. I just need to sit down for a while. You go and get the ice-cream and I'll just wait here."   
  


"You sure?" Maria asked.   
  


Liz smiled. "Perfectly."   
  


Maria gave her one last look and what she saw probably confirmed that Liz was okay, because the smile crept back on her face. "I'll be right back."   
  


"Okay," Liz nodded. 

--------------------------------------------------------

  
  
The rays of the sun floating through the windowpanes lining the ceiling spilled over her honey-colored hair, making it almost glow. His legs had stopped moving, his lungs had stopped pulling in air. His whole body had been placed in a position of tranquility but his heart was completely alive in his chest. It beat with an energy that it hadn't in years. His eyes didn't even indulge in the relief of blinking, because then he might lose sight of her. Then she might disappear from him as easily as she had the last time. He wouldn't make the same mistake again. He wouldn't let her go. Some part of his mind, the rational part of his mind, was trying to tell him that it was only an illusion. That it wasn't her. It wasn't a possibility. She was dead. He had seen her still body in the hospital bed and had spent hours by her side, hoping that she would wake up and smile up at him. That she would call him silly for thinking that she would ever leave him. But she never had.   
  
It was the deep longing to see her again. To talk to her, to hear her laughter, to see her smile. To touch her, to taste her. It was a longing for all those things that had been taken away from him that was clouding his brain. That was making him believe the unbelievable. It was the small hope inside of him that just never had died that flared to life, like dying embers waiting for the right wood to be fed with. She had her back turned against him, but she looked just the same. Her hair was billowing down her back. It was longer now, straighter. He watched as she tucked an elusive strand of hand behind her ear. She was adjusting the strap on her sandal.   
  
He was so entranced with the image of her that he didn't notice as the small hand left his, or the little voice excitedly telling him about a Teletubbie. The woman straightened up and flipped her hair over her shoulder, making it cascade down her back and turned around. Reality hit Max like a cold and hard slap in the face as his eyes roamed over her face. No, not _her_ face, but the face of a stranger.   
  
His head whipped around as he felt the absence of her hand safely tucked in his. "Michelle?"   
His heart started to beat violently in his chest and panic crept up along his spine. "Michelle?" She wasn't there. He turned around, his voice getting louder, "Michelle?!"   
People walking past turned their heads and looked at him. Some curious and some irritated. But he didn't notice. Suddenly he was flung back to the emergency room, where people were crying and searching after a loved one.   
  


"Michelle!!" he yelled.   
  


He spun around on his heels, but nowhere did he see the little fair-haired three-year-old. There were people everywhere. Their laughter melted into buzzing. Their mindless chatter increased and he started moving. His eyes frantically darted from one side to the other. He had lost her. He had promised himself to never lose sight of anyone he loved again and he had lost her. 

--------------------------------------------------

  
  
A faint smile graced her lips as she watched Maria disappear in the crowd. She had been having this headache all day. On some days the effects of the medication she took to prevent her body from rejecting her new heart were worse than on others.   
  
The ringing of her cell phone tore her attention away from Maria and she started to search through her bag after the phone. She sighed as she saw the familiar number on the display.   
  


"Hi," she answered.   
  


"Liz? Where are you?"   
  


"I'm at the mall," Liz answered, already anticipating where this conversation would be going.   
  


"The mall?"   
  


"Yeah, with Maria. In Santa Fe. I told you about that last night."   
  


"You didn't tell me that," her boyfriend said.   
  


"Kevin. If you are so concerned about my whereabouts, maybe you should listen to me when I'm talking to you. I told you yesterday that Maria and I would be spending the day in Santa Fe."   
  


"Isn't that a little stupid?" Kevin asked.   
  


"Excuse me?" Liz questioned incredulously. "What's so stupid about shopping?"   
  


"Think about your condition, Liz," Kevin pointed out.   
  
Liz rose from the bench, closing her eyes as she tried to will herself to stay calm. He was only concerned. He was only concerned. He didn't mean it like that.   
  


"Why don't you trust me enough to think that I can take care of myself? I'm an adult, for Christ's Sake!"   
  


"But sometimes you aren't careful enough," Kevin said.   
  


"I am careful," Liz bit out, "I'm so careful I'm suffocating!"   
  


"Liz," Kevin lowered his voice to the one he used when talking to stubborn children, which only served to infuriate Liz even more, "You don't have as much energy as others do, you can't exert yourself to the same degree-"   
  


"No, that's where you're wrong," Liz said, "I'm like anyone else! I'm just as normal! The person you are talking about is the person I was _before_ the transplant."   
  


"Why are you getting like this?" Kevin asked.   
  


Liz sighed. "Like what?"   
  


"I'm just looking out for you," Kevin said. Liz could hear in his voice that he was getting irritated as well. She took a deep breath and opened her eyes, her eyes slowly wandering over the mass of people without really seeing anything.   
  
"Let's talk about this when I get home," Liz said.   
  


"When _will_ you get home?" Kevin asked.   
  


Liz opened her mouth to answer, but someone bumping into her stopped her. She turned around and found herself face to face with the most beautiful man she had ever seen. But what caught her attention were his eyes. They were moving frantically from side to side, as if he were searching for something. The panic streaming out from him was so tangible she could almost feel it ripping through her body.   
  


"Kevin, I'll have to call you back," she said quickly in the phone. She heard the beginning of a 'but' on the other end before she pressed the disconnect button.   
  


The man was already walking away from her as she reached out with her hand and stopped him.   
  
"Hey, are you okay?" she asked softly, her hand on his arm making him turn his head and look straight at her. She mentally gasped as his panic-stricken eyes bore into hers.   
  


"I-I'm sorry," he mumbled.   
  


Something was very wrong here. "What happened?"   
  


She didn't know why she was standing here in the middle of a mall, talking to a complete stranger. But it was something about him. Her instincts were telling her that he would break down if he wasn't helped quickly.   
  


"I lost her," he said and turned to walk away again. Liz snatched her bag from the bench and started to walk behind him.   
  


"Who have you lost?" she asked.   
  


The man stopped and turned around, his mesmerizing eyes meeting hers again. "Please. Help me find her."   
  


"Okay," Liz said without hesitation, "What does she look like?"   
  


"Huh?" he asked, his eyes returning to the never-ending task of scanning the mall with his fearful eyes.   
  


"The one you've lost," Liz clarified, "What does she look like?"   
  
"She's... She's blonde and has brown eyes. She's three," the man answered.   
  


Liz frowned. There were just too many fitting in on that picture. "What did she wear?"   
  


"I have to find her," he mumbled, starting to walk away from her again. Her hand on his arm stopped him once again.   
  


"Look at me," she said and as he continued looking around himself, she put her hand against his cheek and pulled his face towards hers. Her concern doubled as he practically jumped at her touch. What had happened that had made this man go so out of his mind?   
  


"I need you to listen to me," she said slowly. His eyes were now on her face, looking into her eyes. To be in the center of his undivided attention like this was almost more than she could bear. His eyes were so intense and the way he was looking at her just made her even surer that she had to help him. He was looking at her like she was his last thread of hope and it made her heart shatter. She wanted to pull him into a hug and tell him that everything was okay. She faintly shook her head to clear it from those thoughts. What was she thinking? She had never met this man before. How could he have such big impact on her?   
  


"You have to pull it together," she said, "You aren't going to find her if you are in this state. You have to calm down, okay? And I will help you look."   
  
"Okay," he whispered.   
  


Liz took a deep relieved breath. "Okay. What clothes did the little girl wear?"   
  


His eyes closed for a second and Liz watched the erratic lowering and raising of his chest. She had never seen anyone as upset before. "   
  


"A pink sweater and a checked skirt," he answered.   
  


"Is her hair short or long?" Liz asked as calmly as she could.   
  


"Long, but she wears it in a ponytail," he answered.   
  


"Have you talked to the security yet?"   
  


A haunted look crossed over his face to quickly be replaced by one of guilt. "No," he whispered with agony in his voice.   
  


"Okay, this is what we're gonna do," Liz said, "I'll go and talk to the security guards. And you should go through all the toy stores. Was there any place she specifically wanted to visit?"   
  


His eyes were still holding on to hers strongly as he answered, "MacDonalds. She wanted a happy meal." Liz could hint the smallest hint of hope in his voice and it warmed her worried heart.   
  
"You should look at MacDonalds. Let's say we meet here again in half an hour, okay?"   
  


He nodded weakly and she gave him a reassuring half-smile. "We'll find her."   
  


She turned around to walk towards one of the security guards when she felt a strong warm hand against the skin of her upper arm. She turned around, with question in her eyes.   
  


"Thank you," he said softly. So soft that she barely heard him. She removed his hand from her arm and gave it a squeeze. "Let's find that little girl."   
  


"Michelle," he said.   
  


"Michelle," Liz smiled, "Let's find Michelle."   
  
Twenty-five minutes later, she had informed the security guards of the situation. They had put out a message in the loudspeakers and had promised to keep a watch for her. And she had been through half the stores of the mall. She had started to wonder if she was ever going to find that little girl and if she was even going to find her way back to the bench. She hoped that the man had found his daughter by now. Maria had called five minutes after she had left the bench and she had informed her what had happened. Maria had promised to help looking too and had started on the second floor of the mall. Liz had just asked one of the security guards for directions for the way back when she caught a little girl coming out from one of the stores. Her heart leapt in her chest as she took in her blond hair, neatly pulled into a pony-tail and her pink sweater and skirt. That was Michelle. It had to be.   
  
"Michelle!" she shouted, making several people turn their heads and the little girl as well. Her eyes went big as she saw the strange woman quickly walking towards her. Liz could see that she had been crying. She was probably very scared by now.   
  


"Are you Michelle?" she asked as she got closer.   
  


The girl nodded, dumbfounded. "I'm Liz. Your daddy is looking for you," Liz said. It just hit her that she had forgotten to ask for the man's name.   
  


"Daddy?" Michelle whispered tearfully.   
  


"Yes," Liz nodded, "He's really worried about you."   
She reached out her hand for Michelle and smiled at her comfortingly. "Come here and I'll take you to him."   
  
"My mommy has tol' me dat I can't go with stwangers," Michelle said, her eyes large with fear and mistrust. But also a small hope that the woman would be able to take her to her father.   
  


"And your mommy is perfectly right," Liz agreed, "So this is what we are going to do. You see that guard over there?" Liz pointed towards one of the security guards and Michelle nodded. "I'm gonna take you to him and you can wait there while I get your dad. Is that okay?"   
Michelle frowned in deep concentration as she thought about what the woman had said. "K," she agreed.   
  


Liz smiled. "Good. Let's go."   
  


They started to walk. They had only taken a few steps when Liz felt a little trembling hand touch hers. Her heart warmed as she opened her hand and squeezed the little hand. 

--------------------------------------------------

  
  
Their eyes met and Liz couldn't contain a smile to spread over her face when she thought about the fact that she would be able to soothe him. Emotion flared in his eyes, so strongly that she could see it even at this distance. He started to walk towards her, never letting her go with his eyes. Her heart fluttered as he came closer.   
  


"Did you find her?" he asked breathlessly.   
  


Her smile broadened and she nodded. His eyes drifted close as he inhaled deeply, his whole body sagging with the unloading of an invisible weight on his shoulders. She automatically reached out with her hand to steady him. Her smile slipped off her face. He looked as if he was about to faint. Before she had the chance to ask him if he was okay, his eyes opened and he was once again looking straight at her, straight _into_ her.   
  


"Where is she?" he asked.   
  
Liz smiled at the memory of the little girl. "She's over at FAO Schwarz with a security guard. She informed me that she wasn't allowed to go with strangers, so we compromised."   
  


A lop-sided smile broke out on his face, which made Liz's breath caught in her throat. "She's the most intelligent three-year-old around."   
  


There was such pride in his voice that the warm smile easily slipped back on Liz's face. "That's the impression I got too."   
  


He nodded, looking beside her in the direction of Michelle's location, before looking back at her. "I don't know how I'm ever going to be able to thank you, to repay you-"   
  


She smilingly shook her head. "You don't need to thank me. You needed help and..." Her voice trailed off as he took her hand. A jolt of electricity spread up her arm at the touch and her eyes swiftly rose from their now clasped hands back to his face.   
  
"Thank you," he said with emphasis and his warm hand was so securely holding hers, like it was meant to be there.   
  


She swallowed and smiled weakly. "You're welcome."   
  


"Is there anything I can do to..."   
  


She shook her head again. "Really, there's no need. You should go to her. I think she's scared."   
  


He nodded quickly. "Yes, you're right."   
  


He let go off her hand and she felt the loss of the warmth immediately, making her wrap her arms around her waist to stop the chill from spreading in her body.   
  


"Thank you," he said softly. And then he was gone. Liz realized too late that she didn't even know his name and that the chance of meeting him again was minuscule. The weirdest aspect of it all, though, was the deep sorrow floating through her the instant she realized that she would probably never see him again. Like she had lost something she had never really had to begin with.   
  
  


TBC...


	8. Chapter 8

Hi! 

Sorry for disappearing on you. I'm really busy at the moment (trying to work as much as possible so that I can finance my studies), but just know that I haven't forgotten about you!

I just have one thing to say. It might seem like I'm really smothering you with the love between Max and Tess, and some of you are growing a bit worried that Liz will become secondary to Tess. Keep that faith in our beloved dreamer couple and everything's gonna be okay. Tess was the love of Max's life... up until now... You can probably figured the rest out *wink*  
  
Thank you so much for reading and for leaving feedback!! I love every word you write!!****

**Chapter 8**   
  
  
"What the hell were you thinking, Max?!!" a distraught mother cried.   
  


"Isabel, calm-" the husband tried.   
  


"Don't tell me to calm down," Isabel snapped, crushing her daughter to her chest. "I trusted you to take care of her! My God! You work with children! I would've thought that you would be better with children because of that. How difficult can it be to look after a three-year-old?!"   
  


"Mommy, pwease stop yelling," a crying Michelle begged.   
  


"Isabel, you're scaring Michelle," Alex said.   
  


But Isabel wasn't listening. Her brother had lost her little girl and it was only a miracle that she hadn't been abducted.   
  


"What if someone had taken her?! Taken her to the woods somewhere and cut her up?!"   
  


"_Isabel_!" Alex hissed as Michelle's crying grew worse.   
  


"I didn't… I saw... I never meant to..."   
  
Concerned, Alex glanced at his brother-in-law. Anyone could see that Max was close to a breakdown and Isabel bringing up every fear and feeling of guilt that Max had probably been beating himself up with since Michelle's disappearance anyway didn't ease the situation one bit.   
  


"What did you see, Max?" Alex asked, cutting through her wife's ramble.   
  


Max averted his eyes. Isabel's eyes widened and she stared at him, her chin dropping, as realization hit her, "It was her. You think you saw _her_!"   
"Who?" Alex asked, confused.   
  


Isabel sank down on the bench behind her, barely noticing how Michelle crawled out of her arms and into her father's.   
  


"This is it, Max. You need to go and see a therapist! You are sick!"   
  


"They don't help me," Max said, his voice stronger. He had been at a grief counselor right after their death, but it hadn't helped him one bit. The counselor had only tried to pull out all the things he wanted to forget.   
  
"Don't you understand?!" Isabel bit out between clenched teeth, tears of anger and fear running down her cheeks, leaving black streaks of her mascara in their wake. "You could've gotten Michelle killed, just because you thought you saw _her_!!"   
  


Alex watched in horror as Max closed down in front of him. "Isabel, stop this! Let's talk about this when we get home."   
  


"No, Alex," Isabel said without moving her eyes from Max's face. "He needs to hear this. He wasn't the only one who lost someone. I lost her too, Max! She was _my_ best friend. But _I_ moved on!! You have to let this go, Max! You almost sacrificed Michelle today, just because you can't let go of her!!"   
  


Isabel's words were hitting him like thousand knives, cutting into his flesh, scraping against his bones. Ripping his heart and the walls he had started to build around himself apart. Her words hurt, because she was right. He could have gotten Michelle killed today just because he couldn't let go of his dead wife.   
  
"Isabel! Stop this now!!" Alex yelled, making Isabel jump with the intensity of his voice. He had never raised his voice at her before. "Can't you see what you are doing to him?"   
Isabel bit her lips together. "What _I'm_ doing to _him_?! What about what he almost did to our daughter?!"   
  


"I think you should have a little more understanding for Max's situation after today. Now you know how it feels to be terrified for the life of your child. Max has felt that too. Max's son _died_, Isabel! Michelle is still alive! Do you really think that Max intentionally tried to hurt Michelle? He loves her, Isabel. He would never hurt her!"   
  


Isabel could feel her anger dissolve and her tear-filled eyes floated to Max's face. While the distorting clouds of anger dissipated, her eyes moved over her brother. His eyes were downcast, but she could read the defeated stance of his body like her own. Isabel's heart stabbed with guilt. What had she done?   
  


"Max..." she said, her voice barely above whisper. He looked up. She could see that he was already trying to rebuild the withering walls around his hardening heart, but his eyes were always the last ones to hide his emotions. Some part of Isabel found the emotions she could now see in his eyes hopeful. They were the first real emotions she had seen in them since... since the day she had found him in the emergency room after they had heard that Tess and Josh had been in a car accident. He looked so lost and shattered. When she realized that, it that made the sudden, but ever-present feelings of guilt beneath the surface rise up and almost suffocate her.   
  
"I'm so sorry..." Isabel said, her anger being wiped out of her system and replaced with regret for putting that expression on his face.   
  


Max just shook his head.   
  


"Uncle Max?" Michelle piped up. Her voice was filled with tears as she looked at her uncle from her position in her father's arms.   
  


"Yes, Michelle?" Max said softly, his entire attention shifting to the little girl.   
  


"I wuv you," she said.   
  


Max felt the guilt crash into him again and he momentarily closed his eyes against the emotion before he reached out and took Michelle from Alex's arms, holding onto her tightly while he was fighting the tears in his eyes.   
  


"Let's go home," he said, his voice short as he turned around with Michelle in his arms and began walking towards their car. The second his back turned against his sister and his brother-in-law, tears started to roll down his cheeks. He angrily brushed them away with the back of his hand.   
  
"Why you sad?" Michelle asked.   
  


Max looked down at her tear-stained face and forced himself to give her a reassuring smile. "I was just so afraid that I lost you today. Don't ever walk away like that from me again, okay?" 

His voice was soft, pleading, defeated. Michelle pressed a wet warm kiss on his cheek and said with great seriousness. "I pwomise." 

------------------------------------------------------------

  
  
"...and then he pulled out this really sick newspaper and tried to tell me that what he had seen had actually been published in the newspaper... Liz, are you listening to me?"   
Liz's hand stilled while she was absent-mindedly moving her fork in her food and she looked up at her boyfriend, sitting across the table with a concerned look on his face.   
  


"I'm sorry, Kevin," she said regretfully. "What were you saying?"   
  


Kevin searched her face. "Is that headache still bothering you?"   
  


"No," Liz answered, taking a sip from her water glass, "I'm just tired."   
  


Kevin sighed. "I told you it would've been better if you hadn't spent so much time at the mall."   
  


Liz resisted the urge to roll her eyes. "Yeah, you're probably right. Now, you were saying?"   
  


Kevin studied her face a few seconds before placing a hand over hers on the table. "Liz, I'm sorry. I guess my ramble would bore anyone to death-"   
  


Liz smiled. "No, Kev. Continue. I want to hear about your day."   
  
"It's not that interesting anyway," Kevin said, "I want to hear about your day instead."   
  


Liz quizzically raised one eyebrow. "You're serious?" she taunted.   
  


"Hey, I _always_ want to hear what you're up to," he said, offended.   
  


Liz raised the other eyebrow.   
  


"Okay, most of the time I want to hear what you've been up to," Kevin corrected himself.   
  


"Really?" Liz asked.   
  


Kevin searched her face and then grimaced. "Am I really that bad? Don't I ever listen to you?"   
  


Liz smiled. "Of course you do, honey."   
  


"I'm sorry," Kevin said with regret.   
  


Liz rolled her eyes. "Okay, you want to know about my day?"   
  


"Of course," Kevin answered.   
  
Liz momentarily spaced out as her thoughts took a one-eighty towards a certain dark and handsome man she had met at the mall. The _nameless_ stranger whom she would probably never meet again. But that didn't stop her from thinking about him. He and his little girl had been on her mind ever since they had met at the mall. During the couple of hours trip back home to Roswell, while Maria chattered happily beside her about some new boyfriend, Liz's thoughts had continuously been drawn back to the man and a small girl named Michelle. She had assumed that Michelle was his daughter. Was he married? Divorced? She hadn't thought about looking for a wedding band. Maybe it wasn't his child at all. Maybe it had been a child of a friend or just a relative. But why had he been so upset? Sure, terrible things could happen to a child on their own in a mall, but his behavior hadn't been that of just a worried parent.   
  
He had been utterly destroyed. As though he would die or even kill himself if he didn't find the little girl. Then there were his eyes. There was something about them. She could read almost everything about him in those eyes. Every emotion. Like she knew him by just looking into his eyes. There had been so many feelings flickering in the depth of his amber eyes that she had almost felt smothered by the intensity. She got the deep instinctive feeling that he had lost someone dear to him. That he had lost a part of his soul, his reason for living. And it was as though Michelle had been one of the things that actually kept him moving forward. If that was the case, then his intense and overwhelming fear was more understandable.   
  
He had fascinated her. Intrigued her. And the more she thought about it, she had to admit to herself that he had awoken something inside of her that had been buried for a while, something that might never have been alive. With just one touch of his hand and one look of his intense eyes, her legs had turned weak and she had felt more than when she had been the most intimate with Kevin. And that scared her. If the feelings Kevin stirred in her were that weak in comparison to the touch of a stranger, how strongly did she truly feel for Kevin? Should she really be with Kevin at all?   
  
She had thought a lot about their relationship. She was a true romantic. A dreamer at heart. She wanted the passion she had read about in the books she had consumed when she was in the hospital. She wanted the soulmate kind of love. But reality had been hitting her over the head lately. Ever since she had gotten the transplant and her life had started for real, she had lost all reasons and justification for living in a dream world. It was time to get out in the real world and make a life of her own, outside the hospital walls. But was what she had with Kevin true love? How could she know?   
  
She had nothing to compare it with. He had been her only boyfriend. There had never been anyone else with her. No one else had given her more than a second glance when she had told them about her heart condition. It had scared them off and, frankly, she wasn't that disappointed at the time because she was too afraid to let anyone in. She didn't want to be pitied or have them take care of her when she got worse. But Kevin had been there. He had stuck through. He had not given up and he had eased into her heart with his persistence and his loyalty.   
  
But was it true love?   
  
"Honey? Are you still with me?"   
  


"Huh?" She looked up at him in confusion.   
  


He smiled at her. "You kind of spaced out on me there for a second. Did you buy anything today?"   
  


Liz took a deep breath and forced all of her confusing thoughts to the back of her head.   
  


"_I_ didn't, but Maria..." 

-------------------------------------------

  
  
The VCR whizzed with the familiar sound of a tape being started. The TV screen was filled with various images, replacing each other in a slow tempo. The unprofessional shaking of the camera memorizing the events told that it was a home video. The volume was turned on, the sound level gradually increasing until the poorly-lit room was filled with the laughter, chatter and clinking of glasses and silver wears against plates.   
  


"Isabel! Isabel, say something!"   
  


The bright and laughing face of the stunning Isabel came into view.   
  


"Tess, girlfriend," she giggled as she caught sight of her brother moving towards her, "I don't know what possessed you to marry my annoying little brother..."   
  


"Hey, Max! Go away! This is a private movie shooting, man!" the cameraman shouted.   
  


"What are you saying about me?" Max asked, walking up behind his sister. Isabel turned around and grabbed a hold of her brother and with an arm wrapped around his waist, she turned back to the camera, her expression now serious.   
  
"Tess, I can't tell you in words how happy I am to see you marrying Max. I know that you will be happy together. Max adores you, just look at him now," she pulled Max closer to the camera, his happy and smiling face becoming clearer to the viewer, "I've never seen him any happier. You know, he has had a secret crush on you since the first day he laid eyes on you."   
  


"Isabel..." Max said softly. The camera caught the tears glittering in her eyes and her warm, though teary, smile.   
  


"Just continue doing what you do best - love each other. And everything will work out."   
  


She put her arms around her brother and pulled him into a tight hug.   
  


"I love you, little brother," she whispered, but loud enough for it to get recorded.   
  


"Okay, enough with the mushy stuff," the cameraman said, but intense emotions cracked even his casual voice.   
  
The scene changed to display a beautiful girl dressed all in white. Her cream-colored shoulders were left naked as the simply embellished dress clung beautifully to her soft feminine curves. Her otherwise wild and natural blonde soft curls were pinned to the back of her head, with soft curls escaping and falling down on the sides of her face. Softening her face. There were flowers in her hair. Daisies. They had always been her favorite.   
  


"Oh, Michael," she smiled into the camera, her smile glowing, "You clean up pretty well."   
  


"You don't look so bad either," came the reply from the person filming, the voice a little louder, yet muffled behind the camera.   
  


"He always did have his way with compliments," the woman said, trying to sound sarcastic, but she was just too happy. Her eyes were tinkling with happiness and laughter.   
  


"Yeah, well what can I say," he replied, "Do you have something to say to the camera, Tessie? Any last remarks as a free woman?"   
  


Heartfelt laughter floated over her lips before she stepped closer to the camera and looked directly at whoever would be seeing the tape in the future, but directing herself to one person in particular.   
  
"Baby, I'm planning on making you just as happy as you're making me," she said, "I will make all your dreams come true. I will spend my days loving you."   
  


"Why, thank you, Tess. I would really love to pursue this but it's my duty as Best Man and everything to remind you that you'll be married to Max in about thirty minutes. But we could always work around it somehow of course. What are your opinions on an affair?"   
  


Her laughter could thaw any frozen soul. "In your dreams, Michael!"   
  


Her laughing face froze along with the activity in the background as he pressed pause on the VCR.   
  
His eyes were glued to her smiling face, his angel. So happy. So excited about their future. And it would have been a great future. If they had been given the chance to live it. Max picked up the remote control and pressed forward. The faces flashed before him. Every good wish, every happy tear. His mother's happy face, his father's laughing face. Tess' proud parents. Alex goofy grin. He pressed play again. The wind was blowing in the loose tendrils of her honey colored hair. The air played with the white fabric of her wedding dress. On the screen, she was looking up at him, awe and love in her eyes. His hand lifted to her cheek. As he sat there in the darkness of their house, he could still remember how he could barely keep himself from touching her. How his hands had throbbed during the ceremony with the need and longing to touch her. How his eyes kept drifting to her lips, wanting to taste the sweet nectar of them. How waves of intense euphoric happiness had coursed through him every time the thought entered his mind that he was going to marry the girl of his dreams. The only girl he had ever loved. The only girl he wanted to spend his life with.   
  


"You may now kiss the bride," the priest said in the background, a knowing smile on his lips as he watched the feathery touches of Max's hand across Tess' cheek. Max bent down to taste her lips and in that simple act sealing their promise to each other. The second Max's lips were to touch hers, Max pressed the remote control and turned off the TV.   
  
Tess Harding was the only girl he had ever loved. The only girl he would ever love. And now he had to let her go. Now he was forced to move on. The phone started to ring as he walked towards his bedroom. But he didn't notice. With the incessant ringing in the background, Max took two sleeping pills to keep the haunting dreams at bay and went to sleep. On the other end of the unanswered line, Isabel put down the phone with a sigh.

TBC...


	9. Chapter 9

Hi!

Umm... I just wanted to say that even though the gist of this story is based on the movie "Return to Me", I have not seen the movie and I have no clue at all to what's happening in that movie other than the basic premises I was given when I took the challenge to write this fic. So, this story will not resemble the movie, because I have no idea how the movie dealt with the problems that Liz and Max are dealing with here. I'm doing it my way and I'm not going to watch "Return to Me" before I finish this fic. But it will certainly be interesting to watch it afterwards... 

**Chrisse **– Thank you!!

**Charisma4 **– Hi girl! I'm so happy that you have decided to give this fic a go. I'm on my knees thanking you for the beautiful feedback!!

**Chapter 9**   
  
  
Alex rubbed his eyes as he slowly walked out into the poorly lit kitchen. He could see the profile of his wife sitting in the darkness. She was slumped over the kitchen table, defeated, her tired head resting in her hands. The soft light of the full moon outside the large kitchen window illuminated her skin, making her blond hair appear silverish. However, an image that would have otherwise been beautiful and enthralling was made mournful by her sad composure.   
"Still no answer?" Alex asked softly.   
Without looking up, his wife answered dully, "No."   
Alex scratched behind his ear before walking further into the kitchen. He knew his wife well by now and he knew that there was an emotional outburst to expect of some kind. Either she would explode in anger or she would break down in tears. Either way, there was going to be some strong reaction judging by the vibes she was giving off.   
"You know," Isabel began, lifting her head from her hands but not looking at him. Instead she turned her eyes towards the window. Alex watched the moonlight dance over her face and he saw the tears glittering on her cheeks. "He could at least pick up the phone. Would it be so damn hard to just pick up a stupid phone?!" Her voice was gradually picking up strength and Alex automatically winced against the impending outburst. Oh boy, here it comes.   
  
"He just wants to be alone, Isabel. You got to give him space..."   
"Space?" Isabel asked calmly and turned to look at him. Alex swallowed audibly. Bad move. "You think I should give him space?" Her voice was incredulous but very calm as she stared at him with one eyebrow partly raised.   
"Max needs his space. He can deal with it. He just..."   
"What?" Isabel demanded as his voice trailed off.   
"He needs time," Alex answered.   
Isabel frowned suspiciously. "That was not what you were going to say."   
Alex sighed. "He misses her, Iz."   
Isabel took a deep shuddering frustrated breath. She opened her mouth and Alex mentally prepared for the onslaught. But it didn't come.   
  
"Have you noticed that there is no answering machine at Max's anymore?" Isabel asked, her voice softer.   
Alex furrowed his forehead. "What are you talking ab-"   
"Have you?" Isabel interrupted, her voice sharper.   
"Of course I have," Alex answered.   
"And you don't find that weird?" Isabel asked.   
Alex shrugged. "Why would that be weird? He probably just got sick and tired of it and decided to throw it away or something."   
Isabel looked at him as silence draped itself over the kitchen. Alex desperately searched her face. Her calmness was making him nervous. He could deal with an angry Isabel. He could deal with a crying Isabel. But this... He had no clue what to do. This wasn't Isabel behavior.   
"Iz, I don't understand what you are trying to say. What does Max's answering machine have to do with him not picking up the phone tonight?"   
"Do you remember the message on his answering machine?" Isabel inquired further.   
Alex sighed and frustrated raked his hand through his hair. Why was she sidestepping the point of this conversation? "He made a mistake, Iz. He lost Michelle. But she is fine-"   
  
"No," Isabel said sharply and rose from the chair. She stepped closer to him and answered her own question, "Max was going to record the message and when he came to 'not home right now' Josh jumps up on his lap and starts tickle him. Next you hear Tess trying to remove Josh. They all end up laughing and gasping out the message together during fits of laughter. They decided to keep it. I called Max a lot in the days after Tess and Josh's deaths and whenever he wasn't around to answer my call I would get that message. It always made me cry..."   
"I remember," Alex said softly, putting a supporting hand on Isabel's shoulder.   
Isabel took a deep breath and Alex witnessed the struggle she was having with keeping her emotions in check.   
"Then, the day after the funeral it was gone. But he didn't just erase the message and put up another one. The answering machine was just gone."   
"I'm sorry honey," Alex said gently, "but I don't understand what you are trying to tell me. It seems natural to me that Max would remove the message because it would be too painful..."   
"That's just it," Isabel said. "That's the whole point. As a said, he didn't just remove the message, but the whole machine. The thing is, he still has it."   
"Has what?" Alex asked confused.   
  
"The answering machine," Isabel clarified, "It's up in her closet with all her clothes that are still hanging there." Isabel fought back a sob as she continued. "I was there one day last week to ask Max for that photo of Michelle as a baby that he and Tess borrowed ages ago. He wasn't home so I let myself in. I knew that before they had kept their photos in shoeboxes on the top shelf in their wardrobe. I didn't know, Alex." Isabel's voice cracked and she swallowed hard, her eyes shining bright with unshed tears. "I didn't know that he still had her clothes. I thought he'd removed them. But it was as if she was still living there. Still _living_. Like she would suddenly stand in the doorway, smile at me and ask if I was about to steal one of her skirts again. And they still smell like her. Two years. It's been _two years_ and they still have her smell. I found the answering machine beside the photos on the shelf."   
  
Isabel angrily brushed away a tear from her cheek and walked away from Alex, moving to the kitchen window and stopping there with her back towards Alex.   
"I'm so scared, Alex. I'm so afraid that I'm going to lose him forever. I miss her so much." Her voice broke with the tears that were probably running down her hidden face at the moment. "But I can't bring her back. I know that. Max doesn't."   
"He knows that," Alex said softly.   
Isabel slowly shook her head. "But he's trying to keep her alive. Trying to keep the image of her alive. It's okay to remember someone. I will never forget Tess, but..."   
"Max's way of dealing is wrong," Alex filled in.   
"Yes," Isabel said without hesitation.   
Alex sighed. "Maybe it isn't completely healthy, but we all have different ways of dealing with sorrow. of mourning. You know Max. He so..." Alex raked his mind for the right word, "...intense. He's calm on the outside but he feels so much. And when he loves, he loves completely. There's no halfway for him. It's all or nothing. That's the way he loves you. That's the way he loves Michelle. And that's the way he loved Tess - all the way. And she died. He needs time, Isabel. To process it all."   
  
"But he isn't processing at all," Isabel said turning around, "This is making him sick. He is losing his mind. I can hardly recognize him anymore. Only...only when he's with Michelle can I see some semblance to the warm brother I once knew. He isn't dealing, Alex. He's treating the problem like with the answering machine. He puts it away and still keeps it, but he doesn't touch it anymore. He doesn't process it. Her clothes are still in the wardrobe. He sees them every time he get dressed. Every time he opens that damn door to the wardrobe he is reminded of Tess. What she meant to him and how much he loved her. And that she is dead. Or, maybe he is just fooling himself. You know, living in denial. Trying to make himself believe that she is just...just on a business...trip...or..."   
  
With a painful sob Isabel slumped to the floor. Alex was by her side in an instant, brushing away the hair from her face, putting his arms around her and soothing her.   
"Isabel, sweetheart, maybe he would be better off if he wasn't pressured by everyone to let go. Maybe he feels pressured by the time frame everyone sets for him. There is no specific time set for how long a person is allowed to grieve."   
"But...he's dying Alex. I can't sit by any longer and just...passively watch him die."   
"Shh," Alex placed a gentle kiss against her hair, "You are helping him everyday. Making him a part of Michelle's life as much as is possible. Inviting him over for dinner. Being there for him whenever he needs, not only a sister but, most importantly, a friend."   
"He has to let go," Isabel whispered. "He has to let go. Before it kills him."   
"Well...Maybe the incident today with Michelle scared him."   
Isabel sank into his arms and looked up at him. "It was his eyes today, Alex. It was the Max I knew. Do you know what I mean?"   
"I know," Alex answered quietly, "I saw it too."   
Isabel covered her face against his chest, the familiar sense of safety wrapping around her as his arms held her tightly against him.   
"Even if it was horrible emotions, it was Max. And it gave me hope. That somewhere inside of that...shell he has become, my Max is waiting to come out."   
"Then we just have to find something to bring him out," Alex said quietly.   
They stayed quiet for almost twenty minutes. Sitting on the floor in the moonlight, wrapped up in each other's arms, before heading off to bed. 

---------------------------------------------------------------

  
  
Max pushed the door open. His hands were shaking, making the keys rattle in his hand. Stepping into the kitchen, he threw the keys on the counter. He could feel the strong shivers of coldness and warmth coursing through him. He had exerted himself. He had pushed himself too hard. He pulled the sweaty shirt over his head and threw it over the back of one of the chairs. Retrieving a glass from one of the cabinets, he moved to the sink and filled it with cold water. He closed his eyes as he struggled to get down the soft fluid against the suffocating nausea and the violent and erratic inhales and exhales his lungs were trying to perform.   
  
Running had always been his refuge. While running, he could sift through all his thoughts undisturbed and he could either deal with them or push them away. But whatever the case, he would always feel better after a run.   
  
It hadn't worked today.   
  
For once, the sleeping pills hadn't helped. The pills that usually blessed him with a dreamless sleep had not been able to give him any relief tonight. His sleep had been plagued with all kind of dreams. But they hadn't been about Tess. That was the main reason he was so upset right now. Why he went out running for an hour and a half in the middle of the night.   
  
Tess had played a passive role in his dreams. She had been in the background, silently watching. The hair color of the person who had been in the focus of hi s dreams hadn't been blonde, but dark brown. The eyes hadn't been blue but dark brown.   
  
His throat burned and a metallic taste in his mouth made the nausea rise in his throat. But shakily raking his hand through his dark hair didn't remove her face from his mind. The guilt haunted him. Because it wasn't her face that made him upset, it was that he didn't want to forget her. For some strange reason a strong part of him wanted to nourish the memory of her face, of those comforting and consoling eyes.   
  
He had promised himself that he would never love another woman - ever. Tess was the love of his life and no one would take her place. No one would be allowed entry to that part of his heart again. It was a sacred place for Tess, a place where he would cherish the memory of his wife.   
  
He had been extremely distraught when he had lost Michelle. If something had happened to her he probably would have killed himself. She was the dearest person in his life. The light in his world and he couldn't bear losing her too. He couldn't lose another one. He wouldn't live through it. But although he had been panicking, the comfort and warmth he had felt from the woman who had helped him at the mall had not gone unnoticed. It had just been pushed back in the turmoil of other emotions churning through him. But fact remained that she had helped him. They didn't know each other and still she had promised him to help him find Michelle.   
  
She had comforted him. Her words, even though the logical part of him knew that they had only been words of comfort and that she couldn't have been certain that they were going to find Michelle either, had calmed him down. He had _believed_ her. He had trusted that she would make everything right.   
  
And that frightened him.   
  
He didn't even know this woman. He didn't know her name and he would probably never meet her again. Still, she had, in the time span of a few seconds, managed to nestle her way into his warded heart. No one had ever done that before.   
  
With a hard slam he put the glass down. The truth was staring him in the face. But the betrayal to Tess by admitting it was smothering. No one had nestled their way into his heart so quickly before. Not even Tess...   
  
He raked his tired and still trembling hands through his damp hair and headed for the shower. He needed to forget this woman. He would never meet her again, so why obsess about her? Besides, he couldn't risk forgetting about Tess. No one should replace Tess. Not even the dark-haired beauty that would continue to haunt him when he went back to bed after his shower.   
  
  


TBC...


	10. Chapter 10

Hi!

I am truly forever indebted to you for your wonderful feedback! Thank you!!

Before I post the next part I would like to say something. Parts of the discussion in this part were inspired by a documentary I saw recently on premature births and the lives of the ones that did survive. It was a very upsetting documentary and it left me with many conflicted thoughts. As my beta pointed out, the discussion in this part might anger some, so I just wanted to ask you to not listen too much to the words, but more to what is behind the words of what Liz is saying. She's trying to deal with her own situation and it really hasn't got much to do with the question of abortion. This might sound confusing before you've even read the chapter. I just wanted to point that out.   
  
   
  
  
  
**Chapter 10**   
  
  
"'If you are looking for a new love, this is the right week to do so. The love gods are shining on you.' You hear that, Liz? Love is on my side this week."   
Liz plopped a piece of popcorn in her mouth, her eyes never leaving the TV-screen as she answered, "Do you actually believe everything they write in those horoscopes?"   
Maria raised an eyebrow in warning towards Liz before dropping her eyes back to the magazine resting in her lap. "It's written in the stars. Don't mess with the stars."   
"Stars, huh? Journalists, I would call them. They must have a blast making up all these things."   
Maria frowned in disapproval, sneaking out a hand and taking a handful of popcorn and plopping them into her mouth while her eyes traveled along the letters on the pages in front of her.   
  
"Oh, listen to this," Maria said, folding her legs under her, "This is your horoscope; 'You will receive an invitation to an exciting party and why not accept the invitation? If you listen to your heart, you might find the love of your life-'"   
Liz snorted. "Have you even noticed that they use the same words over and over again? They must say that you'll meet 'the love of your life' every week. By doing that, the odds of the horoscope actually predicting you meeting the love of your life must be pretty high. They can't lose if they are being that vague."   
"You are so pessimistic. Have a little faith."   
Liz rolled her eyes and cast Maria a glance. "I'm not pessimistic. I'm realistic."   
"Whatever," Maria shrugged, continuing to skim through the text.   
  
Liz returned her eyes to the documentary on the TV, a soft smile on her face. Maria had always been into astrology and everything else that was somehow connected to New Age. She attended séances where she talked to the spirits of people that had, as Maria would call it, "passed onto another plane of existence". She visited numerous different people working with alternative medicine. She once went to someone who could interpret all her physical weaknesses by looking into her eyes. This person informed Maria that she suffered from pollen allergy and that she had an iron deficiency. Maria started eating pills with iron and her health was actually improved. She had a person measuring energy waves in the ground come to her house when she was having trouble sleeping. This person found a center of energy where her bed was located. She was informed that the bed was not to be placed on top of such a center, so she rearranged the furniture and her insomnia disappeared.   
  
It was not that Liz didn't believe her. Maria had dragged Liz along on many of her adventures during her experimentation periods because she was adamant in finding a cure to Liz's heart condition. But fixing a heart was a little more extensive problem than insomnia and iron deficiency. In fact, Maria's fascination for the hidden and not so acknowledged and scientific things in life was one of the things Liz loved most about Maria because it connected with Maria's spirit: wild, free, passionate, and alive. Maria was not afraid to speak her mind and not afraid to test different things which was quite the opposite of Liz. Liz often chastised herself for being so fearful, so careful and for not being able to live life as carefree, bold, and with as little abandon as Maria. While Maria loved to explore the unknown, Liz treasured the safe paths where she knew what to expect and where she could predict every move.   
  
But even though the two friends might appear very different, their hearts were the same. They understood each other. There had been a silent understanding between them ever since Maria had defended Liz to two older boys on the playground when they had been just four years old. As all other of Liz's friends sooner or later had turned their backs on her as she had spent most time being hospitalized, Maria had never left her side. She had been running all over town to get Liz her favorite book or a CD she wanted. She had been there through thick and thin, and the situation had not made their relationship any worse. On the contrary, it had strengthened it. Made it permanent.   
  
"What are we watching anyway?" Maria asked, staring at the TV-screen in confusion.   
"Premature," Liz answered.   
Maria scrunched up her face in a combination of disgust and disbelief when she involuntarily had to witness a child being taken out of a uterus by Cesarean Section, completely covered in a whitish thick substance.   
"Um...why?" Maria watched the small baby, who was barely bigger than a packet of butter, being carried to a respirator.   
"It's interesting," Liz answered, her eyes fixed on the TV.   
Maria looked at Liz with a dubious expression on her face. "Uh-huh?" She didn't get it. What was so interesting with that? It was only depressing. There were parents crying and talking about their babies not surviving. And if they did survive they could suffer all sorts of diseases and handicaps.   
  
"Did you know that they are able to save infants who were born in their 25th week, which is the same week that is the last week you are allowed to have an abortion?" Liz asked, leaning back into the sofa.   
"Really? That's really...twisted," Maria said.   
"Isn't it?" Liz shook her head with an expression of awe on her face, as she pointed on the screen where a small infant, barely looking human was trying to breath in a respirator, the workings of the heart showing through the thin skin and the not yet hardened ribcage. "It's just amazing that they can save those teeny tiny babies."   
"It is," Maria agreed, taking another look at Liz's awed facial expression.   
Liz turned and met Maria's eyes. "If you gave birth to a premature baby, Maria, would you want to save it, with the risks of it having handicaps for the rest of its life, or would you stop fighting for it?"   
"I don't know," Maria answered slowly, as she wondered to herself what was really on Liz's mind.   
  
"I'm not so sure I would want them to fight for my baby," Liz said quietly, lost in thoughts. Maria's hand stopped in mid-air in the motion of plopping yet another popcorn into her mouth. She hadn't expected that. Good, idealistic, create-peace-in-the-world Liz Parker didn't say things like that.   
"You wouldn't?" Maria asked.   
Liz slowly shook her head. "Is it really worth it? Think about it. The risks of this child being impaired in some way are so large they outweigh the good outcomes by far."   
Maria's mind was working fervently. Something was not right here. Liz was trying to tell her something, even if she wasn't doing it consciously.   
"Okay," Maria said, her voice shifting from confusion to determination. Putting down the bowl of popcorn on the floor she turned in her seat so that she was facing Liz. "Let's forget about premature babies. If you were pregnant and you found out that your child was going to be born with Down's Syndrome. Would you abort it?"   
Liz dropped her eyes a few seconds, before raising them and without hesitation answered, "Yes."   
  
Maria bit her lower lip. Everything Liz was saying was working against everything Maria knew about Liz. This didn't sound like Liz at all. She had always been the one to defend the sick and defenseless. That everyone had a right to live.   
"If you found out that your child was going to be born with only one lung and be having difficulties breathing his or her entire life, would you abort it?"   
Liz nodded, which deepened the frown on Maria's forehead. "And if you found out that your child was going to be born with a fatal heart disease...?"   
"I would abort it," Liz filled in.   
Maria's heart missed a beat as she looked into her best friend's sorrow-filled eyes, and whispered the echo in her mind, "Why?"   
Liz averted her eyes and looked at some point beside Maria's face before sighing and rising from her seat. Maria watched Liz move up to the TV and shut it off.   
  
"Maybe I'm being ungrateful, I probably am," Liz said as she picked up the bowl of popcorn from the floor. "I mean, I was lucky: I got a new heart. I'm alive. For the first time in my life I can climb a flight of stairs without getting palpitations and burning lungs from the lack of oxygen. I can laugh without immediately starting to cough. God," she raked her hands through her hair, putting the bowl down on the small table by the far end of the room, "there are so many things I am able to do now that I haven't been able to do before, so many things that I only dreamt of. Every day is a wonder to me. It's like I'm living in a dream... Sometimes I find myself holding my breath, just waiting for someone to yell in my ear and start shaking me. And I will wake up in a hospital bed. I will hear the beeps of the EKG and the sucking sound of the respirator. And I will once again be fighting for my life. I _am_ grateful. Every day. Every second. Every breath."   
  
"I know you are," Maria whispered, watching Liz's nervous movements. This was Liz's way of dealing. Cleaning. Whenever she got upset and emotional she started to organize and clean up just so that she had something in her hands. Maria silently watched her fluff the pillows on the sofa and then move onto picking up a book Kevin had left on the small table beside the sofa. The deep inhalation echoed in the room as Liz tried to calm herself down. Her emotions were running amok and she didn't even know why. Something about watching those tiny infants fighting for their lives had hit her. Hard.   
  
"But what about my parents? They have spent 23 years of their lives taking care of me. Being there for me 24/7. They canceled dinner invitations. They lost contact with their friends. My relatives never came to visit. I don't even know my cousins. It was as if I had leprosy and they would get infected with something lethal just by being around me. The parents of those premature babies just don't know. When that tiny baby is pulled out of her, the mother will fight with everything in her for it to live. It's her baby and she will not abandon it. But she just doesn't know. They don't know what it means to be a parent to a damaged child. They will never get a life of their own. I've destroyed my parents' lives. I've destroyed Kevin's life and I've destroyed yours-"   
  
"Whoa," Maria exclaimed, shooting up from her seat. She wasn't going to listen to this anymore. "What are you talking about, Liz? You are so contradicting yourself! How can you insinuate that your parents wouldn't want you if they had known how much work it would mean one second, and the next describe how a mother would fight with everything in her body to keep her baby alive?"   
Maria walked up to Liz, who was energetically trying to look everywhere but at her best friend.   
"Have you asked your parents what they think? Do they think you are a mistake? That raising you was a mistake? Because that's what you're saying, isn't it, Liz? That you would be better off if they had let nature take it's course and let you die when you had your first heart attack?"   
Liz raised her glimmering eyes to Maria's eyes, her look pleading with her to understand her. "I hurt everyone around me. I scare everyone away. Even if I'm alive now, I'm not really alive, Maria. I'm still damaged. My heart is still damaged, even though it is, in flesh, someone else's."   
  
"This is about Kevin, isn't it?"   
Liz sighed and aversively turned away from Maria, and answered with a tired voice, "No, this isn't about Kevin."   
But her body language said it all. This was about Kevin.   
"Don't even try to hide it from me, Liz," Maria warned, "Tell me."   
"It's nothing," Liz answered, moving into the kitchen with the popcorn bowl. "You want some more popcorn?" she asked offering Maria the bowl.   
"Have you talked to him yet?" Maria asked, totally ignoring the bowl.   
"I talk to him all the time," Liz said casually, throwing the popcorn into the garbage, before putting the bowl in the sink.   
  
"I'm not talking 'How was your day, honey?' here, Liz," Maria said, "Have you told him about how you feel? That you aren't too fond of him pampering you and treating you like a baby?"   
"He must feel chained to me," Liz mumbled, putting a plug in the sink and turning the tap to fill the sink with water, "He deserves so much better. He deserves a normal relationship with a normal woman."   
Frustrated, Maria pulled the sponge from Liz's hands, which caused Liz to look up at her in surprise.   
"Don't play that game with me, Liz! This isn't about him and what _he_ needs. You haven't forced him into this relationship. He is free to leave by his own will, whenever he wants to. You aren't keeping him her and neither is he. You can leave too. A relationship is a two-way agreement. You give and you take. If that isn't working then you either try to work it out or you leave. It's as simple as that."   
  
"No, it isn't," Liz said, her voice taking on a little force as she snapped the sponge back from Maria and started to clean the bowl. "It's not as simple as that. I may not be openly forcing him to stay here, but I'm emotionally forcing him. He feels responsible for me like he can't leave me just because I have a heart condition."   
"That's BS," Maria cried, "He's a grown man. I think he can decide when he wants out. He knows that you are better now and some part of his brain must know that you wouldn't die if he left you. Or he's just very self-centered."   
"Why doesn't he see that something is wrong?" Liz asked, the hasty movements of the sponge in the bowl making the water splatter up on the walls of the sink, betraying her calm voice to the turbulent feelings on the inside.   
"Because you don't tell him!" Maria said, throwing up her hands in the air in resignation. "He can't know if something is wrong if you don't tell him!"   
"No, Maria," Liz said, taking up the bowl from the water and putting it down on the counter with a slam before turning to face Maria. "If he knew me at all he would know that something was wrong. He would notice that something was wrong when his girlfriend barely listens to him anymore. When his girlfriend doesn't initiate kisses anymore! But he doesn't even react!"   
  
"That's what's bothering you, isn't it?" Maria asked.   
"What?" Liz asked with a tired sigh as she sank down on one of the kitchen chairs behind her.   
"That you are practically screaming for him to see that you are not all right and he doesn't see it," Maria said.   
Liz went silent. That was it. If he really knew her, if he really knew her at all, he would know that something was wrong. Maria could just take one look at her and tell when something was wrong. Kevin had never done that. Maybe it hadn't interested him enough, or he just didn't notice. He might not even be paying any attention to it.   
"But even if something is really off when your boyfriend of four years back can't see when his girlfriend isn't feeling okay, you can't just put all the blame on him," Maria said, her voice softening as she took in Liz's defeated expression and sat down on a chair opposite to her.   
  
"You are both to blame. He might not listen, but you aren't talking. And the perfect boyfriend should probably be able to read the vibes you are sending, but no one is perfect Liz, and maybe you are just so out of balance with each other that it's not odd at all that he can't read you anymore. You are closing up, Liz. I can see you pulling further away with every passing day. Something inside of you is dying."   
"What are you talking about, Maria?" Liz asked, fear bubbling up inside of her.   
"I remember the day when you first woke up after the transplant. You were so happy. You were glowing, so vibrant and alive. And you were like that for maybe a year afterwards. But then I could see it fading. It was like something was sucking the energy out of you again. Like the bad heart had done to you earlier. What was it, Liz? What changed?"   
Liz looked at Maria for a few long seconds, before answering, quietly, "I don't know." What Maria said scared her. Was she really pulling away? She didn't want that. The first day she had woken up in the hospital, the first that day she could remember clearly, she had promised herself that she was going to live her life to the fullest, doing all the things she had missed out on and then some. And at the time it had not been a difficult promise to make. There had been so much life inside of her, so much energy just waiting to get out.   
  
But real life hadn't been easy. It was still the same world that surrounded her while she was sick. It was still the same harsh reality even though her heart had been replaced with a healthy one. Life still contained the problems and confrontations of everyday life. And she had been restrained. She had to swallow that energy that had so desperately wanted to get out. It had almost been somewhat disappointing to be going back to normal life. Life was going to be a party later. Well, not really a party. She wasn't that unrealistic. But it was going to be easier. Physically, it had been. And a lot of worries had been removed. But the replacement of her old heart didn't replace her old feelings.   
  
Liz could feel her friend's eyes on her as she stared at her hands on fingering on the edge of the table.   
"Okay," Maria said, the determination in her voice making Liz tear her eyes away from the wooden table to Maria's face, "I have a plan."   
Liz raised her eyebrows with an expression of confusion and curiosity, but remained quiet.   
"I think you should meet my new boyfriend," Maria said with a smile tugging at the corners of her mouth.   
"Michael, was it?" Liz asked, interest flaring in her eyes. Maria had talked about this Michael non-stop for a week and he certainly had Liz's interest peaked. Maria was, as she called herself, a Teflon girl. If some guy hurt her, she cried and yelled and cursed for a couple of days to get the guy out of her system and then she just brushed it off because it just wasn't worth the trouble. Life was about so much more and it was easier just to move on. But hearing Maria talk about Michael, Liz wasn't so sure Maria would be able to brush Michael off so easily and Liz really wanted to meet the man who seemed to have pulled Maria in and had managed to keep her interest for more than a week.   
"Yes," Maria answered. "His friends for dinner once a week and Michael isn't able to attend them very often, but he's going there this week and he asked me if I wanted to come. Would you like to tag along?"   
  
Liz suddenly got a little doubtful. "Wouldn't I be like the third wheel?"   
Maria smiled. It was a smile that made Liz a little suspicious. "Oh no, Lizzie. You will not feel like a third wheel. Trust the horoscope."   
And with a wink, Maria got up from the chair and disappeared into the living room.   
"When does Kevin get back?" Maria yelled over her shoulder.   
Liz rose to follow Maria. She knew that she had to talk to Kevin. But for now, it could wait. She would talk to him tomorrow.   
  
Tomorrow.   
  
  
TBC...


	11. Chapter 11

_Hi all!_

_I'm really really sorry for the lack of updates on this story. I'm drowning in work and I have close to no time at all to write. I barely have time to sleep :wink:. I'm still able to update "Lethal Whispers" and "Solar Eclipse" so frequently because I already have so many chapters written of those stories. _

_I'm very sorry. I hope you'll have patient with me… _

_Okay, it might seem as if you have missed a chapter when you start reading this one, but alas you have not__ :wink:. You will soon understand what's going on :-D._  
  
  
  
**Chapter 11**   
  
_Highway 25, 5 miles south of Santa Fe __  
1:13 a.m._   
  
The large raindrops struck her the second she left the safe haven of the warm and dry car. Keeping her head slightly downcast to prevent the raindrops from running into her eyes, she quickly scurried over the drenched ground, where water was flowing in wide rivulets in the cracks of the asphalt.   
"Are you okay?!" she yelled, trying to be heard over the loud sound of the howling and clattering of the wind and the rain.   
His wet face turned towards hers, his face contorted in pain. His hand was rubbing his head, where it had hit the hood.   
"Yes," he answered, his voice cracking from the pain.   
"You're not," she argued, stepping closer to him. The water was already sinking through the protective layers of clothing. Goosebumps were spreading over her skin and shivers were coursing through her body.   
"You should get back inside. You are getting all wet."   
"What's wrong?" she asked, nodding towards the hood, skillfully ignoring his statement.   
"It looks like a tube to the radiator is busted."   
"Oh," Liz said slowly and he gave her a soft smile for her confusion.   
"Basically, the radiator was put out of order and the car was unable to cool off and became overheated. We need to call for a tow truck."   
  
He took her hand and led her back to the car, as the words floated over his lips, "You really shouldn't be out here. You could catch a cold."   
His words transported her back to another world. Where caution and fear was an integrated part of everyday life. Where just a simple cold could lead to a serious infection, which could mean a risk to the heart beating inside of her. Pushing the fear back, she let herself be led to the passenger's side of the car. He opened the door and with a grateful smile she jumped inside. Closing the door, he hurried back to the driver's seat. She followed his movements with her eyes all the way. He barely got the door closed behind him before he turned in his seat towards her with a worried expression on his face that erased the shivers in her body.   
"Are you cold?" he asked.   
"A little," she whispered, watching the soft light that the headlights of the car created dance over his face. Her breath caught in her throat as he leaned closer. So close that she could smell his unique scent. She swallowed and closed her eyes at the sensations rumbling through her body.   
"Here," he said softly and she opened her eyes to see him pull out a blanket from the back seat. Feeling a bit ridiculous for thinking what she had, she dropped her eyes and smiled, a faint blush rising on her wet cheeks.   
  
"Thanks," she mumbled. She took the blanket from him, feeling his intense eyes on her the entire time.   
"Maybe you should take your jacket off," he said.   
She nodded and pulled off her wet jacket. It felt good to wrap the dry warm blanket around her.   
"Better?" he asked.   
She nodded. "Much." The word barely left her lips, before her attention tuned in on him again. "What about your head?"   
"Oh, it's nothing," he answered, absent-mindedly running his hand lightly over the top of his dark head.   
"Let me see," she said.   
His eyes trapped hers and seemed to pull her in. Sounds around them were modified, shifting in their role. The loud clattering of the raindrops against the car roof diminished to a soft tapping. The wind whisking outside turned into a whisper as her senses zoomed in on him. The water glittering in his dark hair, clinging to the boyish layout of his bangs against his forehead, which her fingers were itching to touch and brush away from his forehead. Their breathing echoed in the confines of the car, bumping off the walls and softening between them, heating up the air around them. Hearts beating faster. Inhalation and exhalation getting more energetic. Cheeks growing hotter. Hands trembling. And in compliance to her request, he bowed his head and leaned in closer.   
  
She took a deep breath, letting the scent of him and the smell of fresh summer rain fill her before hesitantly moving her fingers to his wet hair.   
"Here?" she asked, wondrous that she sounded so calm with the loud thumping of her heart in her ears. Her fingers softly threaded through the wet black strands, the water clinging to her fingers. She slightly jumped as his fingers touched hers. Lightly, like the soft touch of the wing of a butterfly. His head rose and he looked up at her from under his bangs, the dark pools captivating her. Holding her gaze, she felt his fingers capture her hand and move it across his head and gently put it down.   
"Here," he said.   
Dazed, she nodded and her fingers almost tentatively touched his scalp.   
"Does it hurt?" she asked.   
He shook his head, but by the shifting in his dark eyes, she could see that it was pride talking. Her fingers moved over the slight bump already forming on his head.   
  
"You're gonna have a bump," she said. Taking a deep breath, she pulled her fingers away and thoughtfully bit her lower lip as she leaned back in her seat, pulling the blanket around her again. She could see him nod from the corner of her eye, but didn't turn around. She could feel his eyes on her. Watching her. Observing her. Traveling over her curled up body.   
"So, what do we do now?" she asked.   
He took a deep breath, as if he had forgotten to breathe and his body just hit him with the painful reminder of the importance of oxygen. He leaned back in his seat, his fingers absent-mindedly tapping against the steering wheel.   
"We have to call for a tow truck. But until then, I guess we're stuck," he answered.   
She nodded and silence lowered itself over them. But it wasn't heavy or clogged. It was comfortable. Peaceful even.   
  
Some time later, a giggle escaped her and he turned his head towards her with curiosity and a smile on his face.   
"What?" he asked amused.   
"I was just thinking... Maria's gonna freak," she said, smiling at the mental image of her friend as she told her what had happened.   
  
"Really?"   
"Yeah," she answered, smiling broadly, "I think she had this whole plan about... getting us together."   
"I think so too," he said, to her surprise. She turned to face him, with surprise written all over her face.   
"You do?"   
"She didn't really make a secret out of it," he said, his eyes twinkling with laughter.   
She rolled her eyes and laughed lightly. "She really didn't... And you don't mind?"   
"What? Being paired up with a beautiful woman," she felt her cheeks grow warm and her eyes dropped shyly to her hands clutching the blanket to her body, "No, I really didn't have too much of a problem with that."   
She smiled which caused a half-smile to touch his lips too.   
"Maybe it's fortunate that you don't know Maria like I do, then you would be afraid right now. When she gets something in her mind, she'll do it - at all costs."   
"Sounds dangerous."   
"It is. Very. Especially when it comes to matchmaking. Since she isn't that good at it. She's pretty bad. She sucks, actually."   
  
He laughed softly and she turned to look at him. Amazed by him and what he stirred inside of her. How a simple laugh could begin something so amazing inside of her. Pull at strings that had been tightened too hard. Painfully hard.   
"When Maria invited me on this trip, I never would've believed I would end up in a broken down vehicle in pouring rain out in the middle of nowhere with a complete stranger." And even as she said it, her tone was light and causal. Without any trace of fear or mistrust. Maybe she should be concerned about being so isolated with a man she barely knew. But she had seen a side of him that had made her trust him from the beginning. She was certain that there was no one she would be any safer with than him.   
"Ditto," he answered, "Well, except for the Maria part."   
She grinned and he grinned back. Time stopped again and she wasn't sure how long they stayed like that. Gazing into each other's eyes. Unaware of everything around them. But after that eternal time period he broke the contact and hauled up his cell phone.   
"Let's call that tow truck then." 

-----------------------------------------------

  
  
_Seven hours earlier __  
6.05 p.m._   
  
After some incessant knocking on the door, Maria decided to let herself in.   
"Hello? Anybody home?"   
She peaked inside the house behind the slightly ajar door, before pushing it open and stepping inside as she heard a muffled reply from the direction of the bedroom. Something that sounded something akin to "I'll be right there."   
"Maria's here, Liz!"   
Maria grinned as she mentally pictured Liz's groan as Kevin, once again, pointed out the obvious. His ashen blonde hair poked out from the kitchen, smiling at Maria.   
"Hi, Maria. How are you?"   
"Just wonderful," Maria glowed.   
Kevin stepped out into the hallway, raising an eyebrow in interest at Maria. "I would say," he remarked, "So, what's his name?"   
  
"Whose?" Maria asked innocently.   
"The new man in your life," Kevin said.   
"Oooh, _him_," Maria said, as if Michael wasn't the person who had put that glow in her face, "Michael."   
"Michael, huh?" Kevin asked, tapping his finger against his chin.   
Maria had to bit her lower lip to stop herself from laughing out loud. Sometimes Kevin reminded her so much of her dad that he appeared funny. However, when her mood wasn't as cheerful the resemblance was actually a little creepy, because that would in some twisted way mean that Liz was with someone - romantically - who was like Maria's dad...   
Maria grimaced and quickly shook her head to clear it from such thoughts. The grin on her face broadened when Liz stumbled out in the hallway, trying to put one shoe on while walking. Simultaneously, she was trying to put a hairpin in her hair.   
  
"Babe," Maria laughed, quickly walking up to her friend, "You seem a little stressed."   
Liz audibly sighed and finally succeeded in putting on the shoe and started to try to pull back her very lively dark curls with the hairpins.   
"Dwoes dis wook okway, Mwaia?" Liz asked with one hairpin between her teeth.   
"You need some help?" Maria asked.   
Liz let her arms drop down her sides and sank down on the nearest chair, the hairpin still between her teeth. Maria couldn't help but laugh at the image of complete resignation she made.   
"Pwease," Liz begged.   
"First thing; no hairpins in your mouth," Maria instructed and Liz obediently removed the hairpin.   
"Secondly," Maria continued, moving up behind Liz, "I don't really think this is a hairpin occasion."   
  
"What kind of occasion is this?" Liz asked tiredly. "You haven't really told me anything about this 'dinner'. I didn't really know if I was dressing up for something casual, something more evening gown-ish, or for a meeting with a queen."   
"You look perfect," Maria said, with a secret smile. She wouldn't be the only one who would think that tonight. Her hopes were on a certain dark-haired man.   
Liz buried her face in her hands and moaned, "I look horrible."   
"Keep your head up, or you want me to mess up your hair completely?"   
Liz grumpily straightened her head again.   
"Maybe I shouldn't come," Liz murmured.   
"What are you talking about?" Maria asked indignantly. "Of course you are gonna come!"   
"I'll just be in the way," Liz said.   
"Now you are going to that dinner with me, end of conversation!" Maria said, her voice leaving no room for any objections. "There, your hair's done. Let's go."   
  
"Do you have your pills with you?" Kevin asked from the kitchen.   
Liz moaned and stood up.   
"What did you say, honey?" Kevin voice asked.   
"Nothing," Liz said cheerily. Suspiciously cheerily, Maria noted.   
"You have the pills?" Kevin asked again, since he hadn't gotten an answer to his question.   
Liz snapped her coat from the wardrobe by the front door and took a hold of Maria's arm, more or less dragging her towards the door.   
"Get me out of here," Liz whispered, before yelling over her shoulder, "I'll be late. Don't stay up."   
"Liz, your cell ph-"   
Liz closed the door behind her, cutting off her boyfriend's annoying voice.   
"What was that all about?" Maria asked, amused. Liz was rarely this cranky, but Maria actually found it pretty refreshing and entertaining when she was.   
Liz tensed her fingers in front of her as if she was strangling an invisible person in front of her. She took a deep breath and then jerkily pulled the lose strands of her hair behind her ears. Maria observed this whole spectacle with a mixture of amusement and trepidation.   
"Liz? Are you okay?"   
Liz took a deep breath. "Let's just go."   
"Oh-kay," Maria breathed, unlocking the car. 

---------------------------------------------------------

  
  
_The Whitman's residence __  
7:32 p.m. - five hours prior to car breakdown_   
  
Max suspiciously eyed the crystal glasses Isabel was putting on the table.   
"Uhm, Iz?"   
"Yes?" Isabel asked breathlessly. Her hands moved swiftly with the task of setting the table. There was a nervousness in the air, which didn't go Max unnoticed. Neither did the fact that suddenly his sister's meticulous streak shone through very strongly. And the fact that Isabel was making room for two more people around the table only strengthen Max's suspicions that something was definitely different with this Friday night.   
"Who's coming tonight?" Max asked slowly.   
Spending dinner at his sister on Fridays had become something of a tradition. It had happened on occasion when Tess had been alive, but it had become more regular after her death. Isabel had been very adamant on having Max over on every Friday. In the beginning, when the grieving was the most suffocating, Max had fought her with everything he had not to go and socialize when all he really wanted to do was lie down and just sleep for the rest of his life. Now he was grateful that Isabel hadn't given up. That she had fought for this small thing, which in the end had meant so much. It had become a sort of security to Max. A relief. One evening of the week that he felt normal and could joke around, and spend time with his niece. It had always only been Isabel, Alex, Michelle, with some occasional visits from Michael and the Evans.   
  
"Maria," Isabel answered, "You know, Michael's new girlfriend."   
But last week the pattern had changed with Michael inviting his new girlfriend. At first it had disturbed Max. This was his sanctuary, where he didn't need to act and pretend to be something he wasn't. Here people knew who he was and he could just be himself and relax. But having Maria over hadn't been so bad. She was really easy-going and made him feel very comfortable.   
"I remember," Max answered, and nodded towards the seventh seat, "But that only makes six persons. Is mom coming?"   
"No," Isabel answered evasively and disappeared into the kitchen.   
Max frowned and followed her into the kitchen.   
Throwing a nod over her shoulder, Isabel asked, "Could you cut the lettuce, Max?"   
"Sure."   
Max picked up the knife, his mind swirling with questions and apprehension growing in his chest.   
"Then who?" he asked.   
"Huh?" Isabel asked, taking out the warm dish from the oven.   
"Who's coming beside Maria?" Max clarified, even though he was pretty certain Isabel knew exactly whom he was talking about.   
Isabel put the hot dish on the counter and pulled the potholders off her hands. With a light shrug, she answered casually, "Uhm... A friend of Maria's, I think."   
"A friend?" Max asked.   
  
"Yes," Isabel answered, checking the timer, before turning towards him. "Maybe I should've asked you first..."   
"No, no, it's okay," Max answered quickly. It was still a bit tentative around them since the event at the mall. Isabel was feeling guilty for her outburst and Max was feeling guilty about losing Michelle. They were still tiptoeing around each other very carefully.   
"I'm sure she's okay," Isabel said, "Maria said that she had a friend that needed to get out of the house. Since it sounded like somebody else I know," Isabel gave her brother a pointed look, "I couldn't refuse."   
"Sure, Iz. It's okay. Really." Max gave her a light smile, pretending to concentrate on chopping the lettuce.   
Isabel insecurely bit her lower lip and then nodded to herself. "Okay then." She really hoped that she hadn't started something that would lead to a disaster by inviting yet another person. Max needed to meet new people and start living again. But she didn't want to push him too hard and too fast either. Taking the basket with bread in her hands, she almost tripped over her daughter as she suddenly appeared in the doorway.   
  
"Mommy, mommy, when is Mawia gonna come?" she asked, her eyes shining with excitement.   
Isabel smiled. She was glad that Michelle seemed to like Maria. If she had been reading the vibes between Michael and Maria correctly, Maria was here to stay for some time.   
"She will co-"   
Her voice was interrupted by the doorbell. Michelle's face shone up like a child opening her present on Christmas Day and discovering that it was the doll she had always wanted.   
"I guess that's them. Go and open the door, Michelle," Isabel said.   
"Yay!!" Michelle cried, bouncing out towards the front door. Isabel put down the bread on the table and shot Max a look. He was standing by the kitchen window, a far-away expression on his face, which Isabel had seen far too many times. There was only one person he was thinking about then. With a sigh, she turned to greet her guests, whose cheerful voices could be heard into the kitchen.   
  
  
Liz stared at the little girl running towards her. Was it her? Was it the little girl from the mall?   
"Liz!!" the little girl cried and before Liz knew what had happened she had a pair of small arms wrapped tightly around her waist and a head buried into her stomach.   
"Eh...hi," Liz stuttered, completely at a loss of words.   
She heard a chuckle and the girl was removed. She looked up to see a tall, dark-haired man with an easy smile. "I'm going to have to teach my daughter to not attack helpless women," he said.   
Liz gave him a weak smile, her mind still tilting with questions. Unconsciously, she was already scanning her surroundings. Looking. For him. Was he here? He must be.   
  
Wait. Daughter?   
  
"This is Michelle," the man introduced, lifting up the girl in his arms, who was energetically fighting to get back down on the ground.   
"Daddy, daddy," she said breathlessly, squirming in his arms, "Dis is Liz. I know her."   
The man laughed again and looked at his daughter. "You know her?" He gave Liz an apologetic smile.   
"You have a beautiful daughter," Liz said with a smile, finding her tongue. "And we have actually already met."   
The man looked at her in surprise. "Really?"   
"Daddy? You know when I's lost," Michelle asked her father, talking to him with very matter-of-factly, "Liz finded me."   
  
The man's head snapped up from his daughter's face to Liz's.   
Liz smiled and offered her hand, "I'm Elizabeth, but you can call me Liz. I helped to look for Michelle at the mall."   
Michelle finally succeeded in getting out of her father's arms and slid down his leg. When her feet reached the floor, her sweater was all the way up to her ears.   
"Michelle," a tall blonde woman scolded gently, kneeling in front of Michelle and pulling down her sweater before raising and looking at Liz.   
  
"Alex," Michelle's father said and took Liz's hand. "Thank you so much. I don't know how I can ever...Thank you."   
Liz blushed and ducked her head shyly at his open compliments.   
"Hi," the blonde woman said, looking at the exchange interested, "I'm Isabel."   
Liz took her hand, "Liz."   
"Honey, did you know that our daughter already know Liz?" Alex asked.   
"She does?" Isabel asked with surprise.   
"She helped to search for Michelle that day at the mall."   
Isabel's eyes quickly turned to Liz, widening with surprise. "Are you serious? You helped to find my little girl?"   
Liz nodded mutely.   
"He never told me that," Isabel said slowly, mostly to herself.   
  
Him.   
  
"Thank you! Thank you so much," Isabel said warmly. "I'll always be in debt to you."   
"Really, it was no problem. I was happy to help," Liz said.   
Isabel shook her head. "No, _thank you_!"   
Liz smiled.   
"Then you have probably already met my brother," Isabel said.   
Brother. So that was the connection to Michelle. The man she had met hadn't been Michelle's father, but her uncle.   
Isabel took Liz's hand, a gesture that made Liz feel like she had been friends with this woman for eternity. It was a very comfortable feeling and she let herself be lead out of the hallway into a big room where a large table was set. She was met with a mixture of wonderful smells and she realized how hungry she was. But her stomach wasn't reacting just to the smells of newly-made food, but was churning with nervousness. Was she going to see him again?   
"Max, I want you to meet someone," she heard Isabel say in front of her. She took a deep breath and stepped into the doorway. She saw his back the fraction of a second before he turned around.   
  
Something moved within her and she was hit with a warm wave. All she could see was his eyes flashing in recognition.   
"Liz, this is my brother Max. Max, meet Liz."   
Max... That was his name.   
  
  
And it's TBC... 


	12. Chapter 12

_Hey! Thank you so much for the wonderful feedback!!_

_I'm posting the end of chapter 11 as a small reminder. Thank you for reading!_

**_End of Chapter 11_**   
  
  
"Then you have probably already met my brother," Isabel said.   
Brother. So that was the connection to Michelle. The man she had met hadn't been Michelle's father, but her uncle.   
Isabel took Liz's hand, a gesture that made Liz feel like she had been friends with this woman for eternity. It was a very comfortable feeling and she let herself be lead out of the hallway into a big room where a large table was set. She was met with a mixture of wonderful smells and she realized how hungry she was. But her stomach wasn't reacting just to the smells of newly-made food, but was churning with nervousness. Was she going to see him again?   
"Max, I want you to meet someone," she heard Isabel say in front of her. She took a deep breath and stepped into the doorway. She saw his back the fraction of a second before he turned around.   
  
Something moved within her and she was hit with a warm wave. All she could see was his eyes flashing in recognition.   
"Liz, this is my brother Max. Max, meet Liz."   
Max... That was his name.   
  
  
  
  
**Chapter 12**   
  
  
"Max, I want you to meet someone."   
Isabel's voice pulled him out of his reverie and he shook the image of Tess' face out of his mind. Taking a deep breath, he turned around.   
  
And the air got caught in his airways.   
  
"Liz, this is my brother Max. Max, meet Liz."   
  
It was her, the woman who he had met just briefly, but who had left an eternal impression on him. The woman he had been unable to forget since the day at the mall, which was both a good and bad thing.   
"Hi," she said softly as he became entranced with her face.   
God, she was beautiful. How could he have missed that the last time? But then, he had been more or less panicking about his missing niece.   
"Max."   
  
She was wearing her hair down, with some strands pulled up at the back of her head. The soft light in the kitchen made her hair appear almost black and her big dark-brown eyes take on an enchanting glow. And her lips were-   
"Hey, Max!"   
He forced himself to tear his eyes away from her face to his sister's glaring eyes. She gave him a look of warning, but it didn't have any effect on him. His eyes automatically traveled back to Liz's face and he noticed the reddish blush coloring her cheeks and realized that he had probably embarrassed her. Nice work there, Evans. Stare at her like a psycho.   
"Hi," he answered softly.   
  
Isabel looked back and forth between Liz and Max, trying to figure out what she was witnessing. They weren't saying a word, but Isabel couldn't decide if she should help them talk with each other or if they were comfortable continuing what they were doing. Whatever it was...   
"So, Liz. If I understood my daughter correctly, you have already met?" Isabel asked.   
  
Liz was biting her lower lip in contemplation, trying to read the emotions in his eyes. He really had beautiful eyes. But even though he seemed genuine happy to meet her, there was this sadness still lingering in the background. She had noticed the same sadness when she had met him at the mall, but under the circumstances she hadn't really thought about it. But if the sadness had only been correlated to having lost his niece, why was it still there? What had happened to cause him to harbor that aura of loss?   
"Liz?"   
Liz turned her head towards Isabel. "Excuse me?"   
"You two," Isabel clarified, gesturing between Liz and Max, "have you met before?"   
"Yes," Liz said, capturing Max's eyes again, "Max was looking for Michelle and... I helped him."   
  
Isabel nodded. Of course Max had met her. He had probably asked her to help him search for Michelle. Isabel frowned as she once again felt like she was merely a bystander. Like she was just a passive observer. Isabel watched as Max gave a start, as if he was awoken from a deep sleep and he stepped up to Liz, offering her his hand.   
"It's nice meeting you again," he said.   
She smiled warmly and took his hand. Max jerked slightly at the contact and his eyes automatically snapped up to meet hers where he saw the amazement he was feeling reflected in her eyes.   
"Likewise," she said.   
Next to them, Isabel cleared her throat. "Well, dinner's ready. We should eat."   
Liz slowly let go of Max's hand and then forced herself to return to reality. "It smells just wonderful," she said, turning towards Isabel, "What is it?"   
Isabel smiled and moved to take the dish from the counter. "It's one of my specialties," she said proudly, walking into the dining room.   
  
Liz followed, all the time very much aware of Max's eyes on her.   
"I hope everyone is hungry," Isabel said to her guests, putting the dish in the center of the table.   
"I'm starving," Alex announced, plopping down on one of the chairs.   
"I could eat a whole cow," Michael said, "and some camels."   
Everybody laughed and sat down around the table. 

---------------------------------------------------

  
  
_Five hours later_   
  
Liz felt the familiar tingle in her nose and she sharply inhaled, before sneezing.   
"Bless you," Max said.   
"Thank you," Liz smiled, pulling the blanket higher up.   
Max watched her with a twinge of worry. "You sure you're not cold?"   
She smiled at him reassuringly. "I'm perfectly fine."   
And she was. Her clothes were still wet under the blanket, the cool fabric sticking to her skin. But she had never been better. She had never felt more free. More at ease.   
"You want me to turn up the heater?" Max asked, moving his hand towards the controls.   
Without thinking, Liz reached out with her hand and took Max's hand, with the purpose of removing it. They both paused in their movements as skin touched skin. Liz stared at their hands. She could feel a tingle in her stomach and an indescribable feeling of not wanting to let go. She let her eyes travel to his. Her breath caught in her throat as she was floored with the emotion in his eyes. She quickly looked away and removed her hand from his.   
  
"That's-that's really not necessary," she stuttered, "The temperature is just right."   
There was a pause before he answered.   
"Okay," he said softly.   
Silence wrapped itself around them again, only the soft clattering of the rain against the ceiling broke through the silence.   
"You know," Max said after a while, "this actually happened to me once before."   
She turned to look at him. "Getting trapped in a car out in the rain with a woman?"   
He chuckled. "I wish!"   
She smiled. "No rain?"   
"No beautiful woman," he corrected.   
"Ah," she said playfully.   
"I think I was about...nine and my parents decided that we should go on this camping trip."   
He turned in his seat so that he was more fully facing her. "Believe me, the Evans family was not made to go camping."   
  
Liz giggled. "No?"   
Max winced. "Definitely not. My mom is really...homey. And she is great - at home."   
Liz bit her lip in amusement.   
"Isabel's...well, she's not really into sleeping in tents and she can get really cranky without running water."   
"Your dad?" Liz asked hopefully.   
Max grimaced. "Not that much better. I mean, he _tried_, but unfortunately that wasn't enough."   
Liz laughed softly at Max's expression.   
"The plan was to start off early. Mom had prepared sandwiches to eat during the ride the night before and all we had to do was wake up and get dressed. Well, Isabel spent about one hour in the bathroom. The other family members had no chance to get in there. She guarded that bathroom better than the National Guard."   
Liz laughed softly and turned in her seat, so that she was now sitting with her side leaning into the seat and her legs tucked in under her.   
  
"When the next person was supposed to take a shower - which happened to be me, the unknowing participant – they discovered that my big sister had taken all the hot water. _Not_ a pleasant experience."   
Liz laughed. "Poor Max."   
Max grinned at her, despite himself, and continued, "Well, we were supposed to leave the house at five in the morning. We were out of the house at nine. _And_ not only did we forget the sandwiches, but also one of the tents."   
"Sounds like a good start," Liz said, a twinkle in her eyes.   
"To make a long story short, we ended up in a motel. Believe me, we tried to put up that one tent, but my dad kept blaming the producers for not sending along a more elaborate manual and we ended up in the motel, after eating at MacDonalds."   
"Sounds like a regular camping trip," Liz mused.   
"At least Isabel was satisfied."   
"I guess she was."   
  
"So, after two nights in that hotel, we were to return home. The plan was to start off early, to avoid the morning rush."   
"Of course," Liz agreed, already knowing where this was going.   
"We checked out at 2 p.m.," Max rolled his eyes as if saying 'surprise', "and halfway home the car broke down. It was a very old car. And it was raining. Stuck out in nowhere with Isabel. I wouldn't wish that even on my worst enemy."   
Liz laughed. "She's really that bad?"   
Max nodded with a tortured grimace, as if just the thought of that memory caused him pain. "The first hour she went on about this guy she had a crush on. The next hour she talked about what her friend Karen had done when she had dyed her hair green instead of blonde and what a catastrophe that was. The subsequent two hours she was whining about how the moisture in the air was going to make her hair all frizzy."   
Liz looked at him with sympathy. "How long were you out there?"   
Max face took on a contemplative expression. "Uhm... four hours... yeah... four hours. But that was enough."   
"I can imagine," Liz smiled. "They are really great though. Isabel, Alex, Michelle and Michael. They really made me feel welcome. It was a wonderful dinner."   
  
"It was nice to have you there," Max said. Liz looked at him. It seemed as if he wanted to say something else, but he remained silent.   
"What were the chances that we would meet again, huh?" Liz asked casually, silently thanking the stars for having them meet again.   
"Yeah, that was weird," Max said, giving her a half-smile.   
"I never would have imagined in a million years that we would meet again."   
"I guess someone wanted it otherwise," Max said slowly.   
Liz smiled softly and nodded, "Yeah."   
Max looked forward again, but still looked at Liz out of the corner of his eye.   
"Do you have any siblings?" Max asked.   
A hint of something passed over Liz's face, something that didn't go Max unnoticed, and he turned to look at her again. She ducked her head and began fingering with the edge of the blanket.   
"No," she answered.   
"You've probably not missed out on so much," Max said, trying to put her at ease. Something about his question had made her uncomfortable.   
  
She gave him a weak smile, but kept her eyes on her hands in her lap. Max watched her.   
"Liz, I'm sorry. If I- I didn't mean to..."   
Liz shook her head at his apologizes, "No, Max. It's okay. I just... I..."   
Why couldn't she just tell him? That her parents didn't have any more children because she had been sick. For some reason she didn't want Max to know that. She didn't want him to know that she felt responsible for her parents not getting a normal healthy child. She didn't want Max to know those things. This whole night had been so relaxed and so much fun. And much of that was probably because he didn't know about her condition.   
"It's okay," Max said.   
"My parents wanted other children, but they were unable to," Liz said. That wasn't the whole truth, but it wasn't a lie either.   
Max nodded, silently wondering about the seemingly strong reaction she seemed to have towards the subject.   
"You wanted siblings?" Max asked.   
Liz smiled softly. "I always wanted to have siblings. Once, when I was five, I asked for a sister for my Christmas present."   
"You did?" Max grinned.   
Liz nodded. "But then, after hearing about Isabel, maybe I should be grateful that I'm an only child."   
Max chuckled. "Uh-huh."   
  
"Oh no!" Liz exclaimed.   
Max frowned at her sudden change of mood. "What's wrong?"   
Liz bent forward and hauled up her purse. "I can't believe I forgot..."   
Max watched her hasty search through her purse. She looked up at him with an expression of annoyance. Annoyance with herself.   
"I can't find my phone. Could I borrow yours?"   
"Sure," Max answered and gave her his cell.   
"Thank you," Liz smiled and pressed in the number. The silence lowered itself over the car again as Liz waited for someone on the other end of the line to pick up the phone.   
"No answer?" Max asked as Liz pressed the disconnect button.   
Liz shook her head in negative.   
"Do you think it will take long before the truck gets here?"   
"It should be here any minute," Max said.   
"It's just... No one knows where I am," Liz tried to explain. It wasn't that she wasn't enjoying Max's company, but she knew that Kevin would freak if she wasn't home.   
Max nodded. "I understand. Maybe you should try to call Maria."   
"Yeah..." Liz dialed Maria's number. But she only got a busy tone.   
"Busy," she said as she disconnected the call.   
Max looked up in the rearview mirror as lights reflected into the car. "I think that's the tow truck now."   
"Okay," Liz said with a deep breath. She really didn't want to go home, but she didn't want to worry Kevin any more. Because he would be worried by now, that was for sure. 

---------------------------------------------

  
  
_2.30 a.m. __  
In the backseat of a cab_   
  
Max glanced over at the sleeping form beside him. She was still wrapped up in the blanket Max had given her earlier. His eyes traced her face. When she was asleep like this he could revel in her beauty without restraint. Not for the first time this evening, he was struck by how different she was from Tess. They were each other's polar opposites. Tess had been fair with her light curly hair and sparkling blue eyes. Liz was dark, like an Egyptian queen, with her dark and warm eyes and dark straight hair. Yet Tess and Liz had so much in common. He barely knew Liz and he had known Tess for years, but there was something about Liz that was familiar. Something that made him compare her with Tess. No one had ever made him think these thoughts since Tess' death. No woman had ever interested him. No woman since Tess had attracted him. Until now.   
  
And that frightened him. The small petite woman sleeping beside him had managed to awaken feelings within him that he thought he had buried two years ago, and she had done it without even lifting a finger.   
  
He tore his eyes away from her curled up body, trying to force the image of her head resting against the door out of his mind. He squeezed his eyes shut tight and tried to take deep breaths to force her presence out of that part of his mind and heart that belonged to Tess. He had made a promise to Tess to never forget her. He was not interested in letting anyone in. He was not interested in loving anyone else.   
  
The guilt was eating him up. He felt like he was cheating on his wife by feeling things for another woman. Feelings that he had reserved for her. Maybe he was being irrational, but he couldn't get rid of the feelings of betrayal. He _shouldn't_ think these things about someone else.   
  
He glanced over at her again. God, she was beautiful. In the last couple of hours he had spent in her company, he had felt more alive than he had in two years. Something about her made him want to continue living. Because truth was, lately life hadn't been that enjoyable.   
  
A large shudder went through here body and he worriedly let his eyes move over the blanket to see if it was tucked properly around her. Noticing that the blanket had begun to slip off, he reached over with the purpose of correcting it. Something made him pause in his movements. Maybe it was the soft and feminine scent surrounding her. Maybe it was how peaceful her face looked when she slept. Maybe it was the sight of the dark lashes resting on her slightly flushed cheeks or her full, red lips. He took a deep shuddering breath and brought his focus back to the mission at hand. Taking a hold of the blanket, he brought it further up her body, gently tucking it around her the best he could.   
  
With another deep breath he pulled away and rubbed his hands over his face in frustration. His mind felt torn into pieces. The guilt was eating him up, but he couldn't deny everything Liz's presence had stirred in him. He couldn't put a finger on any of those feelings yet. He only knew that for the first time in a long time he felt alive. 

-----------------------------------------------------

  
  
_40 minutes later_   
  
Max opened the passenger door for Liz.   
"Thank you so much for the ride," Liz said.   
Max scratched behind his ear with his hand, with a guilty expression on his face. "Well, sorry about the..."   
Liz laughed. "It was fun. It was an experience."   
Max grinned. "I hope I didn't ruin your night."   
Liz glanced at the house in the background. "No, no. Of course not. I had a great time. Thank you."   
  
"Thank _you_," Max said, looking intently into her eyes. Liz felt herself being pulled in by his flaming eyes and the world stopped spinning for a enchanting moment. With a deep breath she reluctantly pulled herself free.   
"I have to go," she said apologetically and gestured towards the house in the background.   
"Yeah, okay," Max said.   
"See you another time?" Liz asked, before she could stop herself.   
"I'd like that," Max said honestly.   
"Well, I should go then," Liz said.   
"Yeah," Max said.   
"Oh," Liz said, pulling off the blanket that was still wrapped around her shoulders. "Maybe you want..." Max held up his hand when he saw what she was doing, stopping her in her movements.   
  
"That's okay, you can return it the next time we meet," Max said. There was something in his eyes that made Liz's cheeks turn hot and she ducked her head shyly.   
"Yeah," she agreed with a nod.   
"You should probably..." Max said, pointing at the house.   
"Yeah," Liz answered. And then she laughed. Max let her laughter wash over her, her happiness filling him with happiness and a half smile formed on his face.   
"What?" he asked smiling.   
"We could keep doing this all night," Liz said.   
Max looked at her slightly confused, wondering about the hidden meanings of her sentence.   
"I mean, saying goodnight," Liz clarified.   
Max chuckled. "Yes, well goodnight, Liz Parker."   
Liz smiled. "Goodnight, Max Evans."   
  
She had to take a deep breath to make herself stop falling into his eyes and turned towards the house. She could feel him watching her as she walked across the lawn. The thought that he made sure she was safely inside before leaving made her feel immensely secure, but it couldn't guard against the feeling of unease that had suddenly fallen over her.   
  
She barely had the chance to put the key in the lock when the door was ripped open and she was crushed against a hard chest.   
"Thank God you're okay!"   
The next second she was abruptly pushed away from her boyfriend's body and her eyes met his aggravated ones.   
"Where the hell have you been? Do you know how worried I've been?"   
Liz felt the guilt crash over her.   
"I'm sorry," she said regretfully. But he wasn't hearing her.   
"I called the police and all hospitals. Why didn't you have your cell phone with you?"   
"I must've forgotten-" Liz tried to interject, but Kevin cut her off.   
"Haven't you learned by now that you should always have your cell with you?"   
"I tried calling you, but there was no answ-"   
  
"I've called your parents..."   
Liz stared at him with disbelief. "You called my parents?!""   
"And Maria had no clue to where you were, even though you were supposed to be with her!"   
She could feel the irritation grow and she snapped, "She isn't my keeper-"   
"I didn't know if you had forgotten your pills or..." Kevin interrupted. She could just as well not be there.   
Her whole body sighed with frustration and fatigue. "I always remember my pills, Kevin."   
Kevin opened his mouth to continue his questions, when he noticed the disheveled state of her hair. It was wet, having begun to dry. His eyes traveled down the length of her body, for the first time noticing that she was wrapped in a blanket and that her clothes were wet underneath. His eyes shifted back to her face, his temper being fueled with her obvious carelessness to her own health. "Why are you wet? You might catch a cold. Do you know how dangerous a cold is to you?"   
That was it. "Damnit Kevin! Would you just listen to me?!" Liz cried.   
Kevin grew quiet, looking at her, his look demanding an explanation. Liz hated that look. It made her feel like a child caught with her hand in the cookie jar.   
"Kevin, I'm really sorry. I forgot the cell phone and I was given a ride home, but the car broke down. I tried to reach you, but there was no answer. I tried to call Maria, but all I got was a busy tone."   
  
Kevin's mouth was pulled into a thin bitter line. "I thought you had a heart attack. I was afraid that you were _dead_!"   
"I'm sorry," Liz said, guilt evident in her voice.   
Kevin shook his head. "No, that's not good enough."   
Liz frowned. "Excuse me?"   
"How am I supposed to watch out for you, Elizabeth, if you are not meeting me half-way?"   
Liz stared at him. "I don't need you to watch out for me."   
"Do you really think that I could've gone through every hospital visit with you, that heart attack and you almost _dying_ without looking out for you?!" Kevin asked indignantly.   
"You're smothering me, Kevin!" Liz accused, regretting it the same moment the words left her lips.   
"What?! I _care_ about you, Elizabeth!"   
"You're treating me like a child!"   
Kevin raised his eyebrows and looked at her like she had just announced to the world that she had discovered the solution to world starvation. "I am _not_ treating you like a child. If I am, it's only because you've brought it on yourself by acting so irresponsibly, as you did today."   
  
Liz bit her lower lip to prevent herself from saying what she really wanted to say. "I'm sorry, Kevin." She sighed resignedly. "What more can I say?"   
"Why are you wet?"   
"It's raining outside," her voice was filled with acid now. She really didn't have the energy for this. It was in the middle of the night and she could feel the protest her heart was making at her ever increasing upset condition.   
"Whose the blanket?" Kevin continued.   
"I got a ride and he was kind enough to offer me a blanket," Liz answered.   
"_He_?" Unmistakable jealousy flashed in his eyes and Liz immediately knew where this was going.   
  
"Yes, _he_. Maria wanted to stay with Michael and he offered me a ride home."   
"How long have you known him?" Kevin asked, his eyes dark with suspicion.   
"I'm not having this conversation!"   
"I think I have the right to know if you are catching rides with complete strangers!"   
Liz's hand unconsciously moved up to press against her painfully pounding heart. "Why can't you trust me?"   
"This isn't about trust, Elizabeth."   
"Yes, it is. When you can't have enough faith in me that I'm capable of making my own decisions, it _is_ about trust."   
Liz felt exhaustion course through her body so strongly that she swayed on her feet.   
"What's wrong?" Kevin asked concerned, but still with a tinge to his voice.   
Liz fumbled behind her with her hand to find a chair or something to sit on.   
"I just... I just need to sit down for a second."   
Her heart was beating erratically in her chest, missing some beats and adding others.   
But she never got to the point of actually sitting down before her legs gave out under her. The last thing she heard before darkness devoured her was Kevin frantically calling out her name.   
  
  
TBC...


	13. Chapter 13

Hi! Merry Christmas!! Even though it's a little late perhaps ;) I hope that you had a nice one and that you got to share it with your loved ones.

Thank you so much for the feedback! I truly need it! Maybe more on this story than on my others, because this one is harder to write. So, thank you!

Here's the next chapter…

**_Atrial fibrillation/flutter_**_ is a disorder of heart rhythm (arrthymia) usually with rapid heart rate in which the upper heart chambers (atria) are stimulated to contract in a very disorganized and abnormal manner._   
  
  
**Chapter 13**   
  
  
The birds were just beginning to leave their nests after a night's sleep as the first rays of the red morning sun slowly crept up over the horizon. The light stubbornly tried to squeeze itself through the blinds, causing thin beams of light to play over the wooden floor. A drowsy fly made a random flight about three inches above the floor. It came to a halt above one of the cardboard boxes on the floor, the cold smell from a once newly baked pizza tempting it to investigate the box further.   
  
The shrill sound of a telephone cut through the peaceful silence, putting a momentary stop to the birds' happy morning song and the fly's investigation. When nothing further happened, the fly undisturbed continued its way inside the box. The second ring didn't disturb him much either. Food was close and nothing was going to stop him. Well, except maybe the sudden movement of the box on which he was currently treading.   
  
  
Her hand flew up from the ground at the sudden intrusive noise, hitting the pizza box in the process. Groaning, she moved her stiff neck, slowly becoming familiar with her surroundings. The phone rang again.   
"Michael..." she murmured tiredly.   
"What?" another tired voice, if not even more tired, answered.   
"Phone...phone's ringing." She tried to change position, but slowly it dawned on her that she was on lying on a sofa, with Michael's body weighing down on her. And she couldn't move one millimeter even if she wanted to.   
"Michael..." She started to push him away and, barely awake, he rose into a seated position. Maria flung her arm over her face as the phone rang again. Michael reached out and grabbed the phone on the small table next to the couch.   
"Hello?" he murmured into the receiver, rubbing his eyes with the back of his hand, trying to wake himself up.   
  
The telephone kept on ringing though, and it took the dumbfounded Michael a couple of seconds to realize that he had answered the wrong phone.   
"Maria," he groaned.   
Maria peeked out from under her arm and yawned. "What..?"   
"It's your phone." Michael took a hold of her arm and moved it so that he could have eye contact.   
Maria squinted in the sudden bright morning light. "What? Why aren't you answering the phone?"   
Michael bent forward and picked a cell phone up from the floor.   
"Phone," he said gruffly and put the phone in her hand before closing his eyes and heavily leaning his head back against the sofa.   
Maria sighed and placed the phone to her ear.   
"Hello... Yes... Aha... _What?_" Maria bolted up from the sofa, rousing Michael from his newly found slumber. He looked at her, confused, when she suddenly started pacing the floor, threading her fingers through her morning hair with absent and agitated movements.   
"Oh my God... Is she okay? What was she... Yeah, okay... No, no... Yes... I'm on my way... I'll be there as soon as possible... Yes... Tell her I love her, okay? I'll be right there... Bye."   
  
Michael was staring at her as she turned around, his frown of irritation over being awakened gradually being replaced with one of concerned apprehension as he had watched his girlfriend visibly pale during the conversation.   
"Who was that?"   
Maria didn't answer him. She was staring straight ahead, her eyes unseeing. Michael rose up and reached out to gentle touch her arm to get her attention. She actually jumped at the contact, which served only to confirm Michael's suspicions further that something bad had happened.   
"Maria? Who was that?"   
Her eyes were shining with unshed tears when she turned to meet his questioning eyes.   
"Kevin," she answered hoarsely. "Liz is... Liz... I need to go to Liz."   
"What's wrong with her?" Michael asked, afraid of what her agitated, yet numbed behavior meant.   
  
"She's... She's suffering from a heart condition," Maria said, her voice seemingly detached as if she weren't really concentrating on what she was saying. Her mind was miles away with her best friend. "She... Yesterday she suffered from atrial fibrillation." Maria turned to look at him, the blank look replaced with fear, and whispered, "I thought this was over. I thought everything would be okay now."   
Michael was still trying to figure out what atrial fibrillation was, but it was obvious that Maria was not up to dealing with his limited knowledge of medical terms right now.   
"What happened?"   
Maria's eyes started to tear up. "She fainted, but Kevin got her to the hospital very quickly. They live close to the hospital." Maria sniffed, "It's a good thing that they live close to the hospital. She is stable... I just never thought..." Her last words ended in a hoarse whimper as the first of many tears started fell down her cheeks.   
"Shh," Michael pulled Maria into his arms and tried to soothe her the best he could. This was the first time Maria had told him that Liz had a heart condition. He didn't have all the facts to be able to say the right things without upsetting her even more, but if she needed him to be there for her right now, he would be. 

----------------------------------------------------------

  
  
Max pushed the door open, exhaustion fueling his tired mind like he wanted it to.   
"One day that's gonna kill you."   
He nearly jumped out of his skin at her voice. His head jerked towards the kitchen where he found Isabel perched on a stool, regarding him with somber eyes.   
"Isabel! You scared me half to death. What are you doing here?"   
"How far are you running?" Isabel asked, ignoring his question.   
"I don't know," Max answered and brushed past her into the kitchen.   
Isabel followed Max's movements as he retrieved a glass from the cabinet. "Max, I've been here for forty minutes. So you must've been running for at least forty minutes."   
"I just want to stay in shape," Max answered. He moved the glass under the tap to fill it with some much-needed water.   
  
"God Max, you're trembling," Isabel exclaimed horrified as she noticed the violent tremors shaking Max's hand and thus the glass he was holding.   
Isabel took the glass from his hand as she ordered, "Sit down!"   
"Iz, I'm fine. I just need to have something to drink..."   
"Now you sit down, Max!" Isabel said firmly. There was really no use in arguing with her when she used that tone, so Max sank down on one of the chairs, his exhausted body thanking him. By the jerky movements Isabel had going about filling his glass with water, Max had a feeling that she was pretty angry with him.   
Isabel slammed the glass down in front of him.   
"Drink!" she snapped and sat down across from him. Max more than willingly did as she asked, but his hand was still trembling violently and Isabel's glares grew even hotter with anger. When he had emptied the glass and sat it down on the table, Isabel planked something on to the table.   
  
"You want to explain what these are?" she asked, daring him to do otherwise.   
"Are you going through my drawers?" Max asked incredulously.   
"What are they?" Isabel demanded.   
"You know what they are," Max answered.   
"How long have you been taking them?"   
"What is this? The third degree?"   
"I'm not kidding, Max."   
"Neither am I."   
"Why are you trying to destroy yourself, Max?"   
"I just have a hard time sleeping. A lot of people take sleeping pills."   
"What about this?" Isabel slammed another bottle up on the table. One that was empty.   
  
Isabel had had a key to Max's house for as long as they'd own the house. Tess had given it to Isabel so that she could use it if she was too early to drop Josh off or bringing Michelle over. She had always been welcome to let herself in.   
  
But she had never over-stated her welcome like this. Now she had violated his privacy. Going into his bedroom. Going through his drawers and his trash. Checking up on him. She really didn't have a valid excuse to justify doing that.   
  
Anger flared to life in Max and he stood up, pointing at the front door. "Get out!"   
"What?!" Isabel burst out, the shock on her face betraying that she wasn't used to this side of Max. But she quickly recuperated.   
"You can't run away from me, Max. I won't let you."   
"Isabel, I want you to leave me alone!"   
"Why can't you sleep?" Isabel asked.   
"Get out," Max said, his voice low and more detached than she had ever heard it before.   
"What's going on, Max?" she asked in a close whisper. "You're scaring me."   
Max tiredly rubbed his hands over his face, trying to calm himself down. "Nothing's going on, Iz. I just want to take a shower and…"   
Isabel worriedly watched him. Her brother was falling apart in front of her eyes. She didn't know what to do, but she had to do something. The only thing she did know was that she had to keep him in reality. She had to continue giving him reasons to want to keep on living.   
  
"What are you doing today?" Isabel interrupted.   
"I can't, Isabel, whatever it is, I can't, " Max said.   
"Michelle wants to be here so badly," Isabel said.   
Max met her eyes with a challenging glare. "And you want me to watch her even though you consider me a liability?"   
"She has so much fun here," Isabel said, avoiding his statement.   
Max rose from the table, tiredly raking his hand through his hair. He had done that a lot lately, Isabel reflected.   
"I'm serious, Iz. I need to be alone today. I have some work to do."   
"She won't disturb you," Isabel said. "She can play silently."   
She could be very quiet when she was playing, and Isabel knew that Max was aware of that.   
"But that isn't the problem, is it?" Isabel asked when Max didn't answer her.   
"I'm not unemployed, you know," Max said, his voice turning harder. "I _do_ have a work. A job that requires me to work on the weekends."   
"Come on, Max. Please?" Isabel pleaded.   
  
It was about more than just finding a babysitter for her daughter. This was about saving Max's sanity. Michelle's presence did things to Max. After a visit from her daughter, Max was more like himself. More like the Max before Tess' death. And now he seemed to need it even more than before. Something seemed to have happened to make him lose control over himself again, more now than ever.   
"What about the pills? You want your child to be watched by a drug addict?" Max asked, turning around to meet her eyes.   
He had hit home with his statement and she knew that he could see it on her face.   
"You would never do that to Michelle…"   
"An addict can't control his needs and just behave properly for a moment just because it's appropriate," Max said coldly.   
  
"Why are you like this?" Isabel whispered.   
"I'm no addict, Isabel," Max said calmly. "And I want to have Michelle here. But I don't know if I can take care of her…"   
"What are you talking about?" Isabel stared at him in disbelief. "Why wouldn't you be able to take care of her? You are so good with children, Max. That's not something that changes overnight. I don't want anyone else but you to watch Michelle. She is safest with you."   
Max stared at her. Isabel could see gratitude in his eyes. "Even after what happened?"   
"I'll admit. I haven't completely forgiven you about that, but I still entrust you with my daughter."   
  
Max swallowed and ducked his head.   
"Iz…"   
"Yes?"   
Max lifted his head and looked at her. "Thank you."   
Isabel felt relief squeeze her heart. There was an emotion in his eyes that she hadn't seen in a long time. She didn't know what it was, but it lessened the death grip worry had on her heart.   
"Just don't take her to any malls," Isabel said with a teasing smile.   
Max gave her a hint of a smile. "I won't." 

-------------------------------------------

  
  
Maria stumbled into the room, all out of breath. Her abrupt opening of the door made Kevin look up. Relief spread over his face when he saw her.   
"Maria..." he breathed.   
Maria took a deep breath, her eyes transfixed on the person confined to the hospital bed.   
"How is she?" she whispered, her worried eyes speaking volumes of what the last hours had been like for her.   
Kevin averted his eyes back to Liz, his hand holding Liz's tightly. "Better. Much better."   
Maria let out a breath of relief she hadn't even been aware that she had been holding.   
"The doctor says that she can go home in a day or two."   
Maria nodded, mostly to herself because all of Kevin's attention was on Liz. She stepped up to Kevin and put a hand on his shoulder.   
"You look tired, Kevin. Go and take a break. I'll stay here with Liz."   
Kevin looked hesitantly at Liz.   
"Just go and get some coffee or something."   
Kevin took a last look at Liz, before reluctantly letting go off her hand. "Okay."   
  
Maria waited until Kevin had left the room, before sitting down in the chair and taking Liz's hand in hers. The restraint she had been using to hold back her tears dissipated and hot tears started to roll down her cheeks.   
"Lizzie...?"   
She knew that she probably shouldn't try to wake Liz up, because she needed the sleep. But Maria needed to see for herself that her best friend was okay. The machines monitoring her heart next to the hospital bed didn't tell Maria anything she really wanted to know. It only told her that the heart Liz had been given was beating.   
"I love you, girlfriend," Maria sobbed. With her free hand she brushed the tears off her face. "Please don't scare me like that. You have to take care of yourself, Liz. I mean..." Maria took a deep breath to still her turbulent emotions, "The good things are to come. You just met some new people. Michelle, Isabel, Alex... Max. You remember Max, right? There was this connection between you two. Something just seemed right from the start. And I'm only an observer... You must've felt something, Liz." Maria rolled her eyes at herself. "I don't know why I'm saying this. You can't hear me anyway. You are sleeping. I should just stop talking all together and not disturb you. Just don't... Don't ever forget that there are people here who love you..."   
"I'm not dead yet."   
  
The weak whisper snapped Maria out of her teary monolog and she stared at Liz, who was looking at her with a weak smile lingering at the corners of her mouth.   
"Liz... How are you feeling?"   
"Like I've been run over by a truck. Otherwise I feel perfect." Her tone of voice was light, but her face told the truth of what she was really feeling. Dark circles haunted the skin under her watery eyes. The skin was pale, almost transparent.   
"Liz! I'm being very worried here. Could you just at least act the role of the sick patient for once?"   
That was just how it had always been during all the years Liz had been sick. Even how sick she had been, she had always handled it with an optimism and lightness. Always trying to muster up a smile. Not just once had it crossed Maria's mind that it might all been an act from Liz's side, an attempt to put the worried people around her at ease. Liz had never liked it when they worried about her, even though that was all she knew. She had always been sick, they had always been worried about her. Always being so careful around her. Tiptoeing.   
  
Liz had started to change during the last year, since she had gotten the transplant. At first it had been a positive change. Maria had seen how excited Liz was about life. To be able to do everything she had longed to do for so long. But her excitement had cooled off, and it wasn't hard for Maria to see that Liz was pulling further and further inside herself. Things hadn't turned out the way Liz had wanted them to. It was the worry that was the problem. Had always been the problem. Liz had told Maria so on several occasions. Everyone worrying about her all the time was suffocating her. She had hoped that it would disappear after the transplant, but a life-long pattern doesn't break that easily.   
  
"Maria," Liz whispered, turning serious, "Please don't cry. Don't cry for me."   
Maria's mouth fell open in disbelief. "Don't cr... Don't cry for you?!"   
"I'm fine, Maria. You don't have to worry. It was just some minor set back."   
"Some minor set back?!" Maria repeated incredulously. "You could've had a heart attack. You could've died!"   
With her eyes downcast, Liz answered quietly, "I know. I was just... I was cold and it was very emotional-"   
"Emotional? What could've been so emotional that you suffered artial fibrillation?"   
"Nothing," Liz answered evasively.   
"You really don't think that I'm gonna let you off the hook just because you try to pretend like it's raining, do you?"   
"Maria..."   
"Is it Max?"   
Liz looked at Maria questioningly. "Max?"   
  
"Did he do something? Oh my God," Maria said, her eyes going wide as a thought occurred to her, "I shouldn't have let him give you a ride..."   
"Maria..."   
"We don't know him well enough. We don't know him at all actually."   
"Maria..."   
"I only know what Michael has told me and there might be a lot that Michael doesn't know about Max."   
"Maria..."   
"Granted, they've known each other their entire lives, but Max could be keeping things-"   
"Maria!"   
Liz's attempt at silencing Maria sent her into a fit of coughing.   
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," Maria apologized regretfully, reaching for the glass of water on the bedside table.   
Liz was trying to wave her excuses off, simultaneously fighting the coughs. Gratefully, she accepted the glass from Maria.   
  
"If I had driven home with you last night, nothing of this would ever had happened..."   
"Don't do that, Maria," Liz said, her voice sounding stronger after the soothing effect the water had had on her throat.   
"It's no one's fault but my own."   
"Yours?" Maria shook her head, "Liz, no..."   
"I just have to learn to control my emotions." Maria's throat constricted at the sadness illuminating Liz's face.   
"What happened, Liz?" Maria asked quietly.   
Liz inconspicuously shook her head. "Everything just happened at once. I don't know what... I came home a little late. The car broke down and-"   
Maria's eyebrows rose in surprise. "The car broke down?"   
Liz nodded.   
"Max's car?"   
Another nod.   
"Um…okay..."   
"Yeah, well. So we were stuck out in the middle of nowhere. Since it was raining and everything, it was almost impossible to do anything else but sit in the car and wait."   
  
"Aha," Maria said, watching her friend closely. Now Maria was dying to know what Max and Liz had occupied themselves with while alone together in a car. But she could already see the fatigue on Liz's face. This wasn't the time for that discussion, but she was going to press Liz for some information later, she thought with an inward smile.   
"I came home really late and Kevin had been worrying to death..."   
The pieces were falling into place. That's what had happened. "You guys had a fight, right? And you fainted."   
"No, Maria. It wasn't like that..." Maria gave Liz a pointed look that very specifically said 'Don't even try pulling that crap on me'.   
Liz sighed. "All right. Yeah, that's probably why I fainted."   
Maria bit her lower lip to control the rising anger. Kevin, who was always so concerned about Liz's health, had sent her directly to the hospital bed.   
"Don't blame him," Liz said when she saw Maria's expression. "It's not his fault. He had every right to be angry with me. I should've call-"   
"But you did, didn't you?" Maria asked. Knowing Liz, she had tried to reach Kevin. "But you couldn't get through?"   
  
"He was calling the police, every hospital... I got the busy signal..."   
"Figures," Maria mumbled.   
"Stop that, Maria. It's not his fault, you hear me? Don't you go and tell him that. He's already beating himself up about this. Don't make it any worse."   
Liz's stubbornness to defend Kevin was annoying Maria even more.   
"Please," Liz begged, her eye lids heavy as her body wanted her to go back to sleep, "I can't handle any more... Everyone's so worried..."   
Maria felt the anger she had felt a second ago simmer down and she squeezed Liz's hand.   
"I won't accuse him of anything."   
With her eyes closed, already drifting off to sleep, Liz worded hopefully, "Promise?"   
"Cross my heart and hope to die," Maria answered with a smile.   
"I love you," Liz whispered.   
"I love you too, chica," Maria said, her eyes tearing up.   
  
"Don't tell Max..."   
Maria frowned. "What did you say?" But Liz was asleep. "Lizzie? What should I not tell Max?"   
No answer.   
Maria leaned back in the chair. Why had Liz mentioned Max? It was completely out of the blue.   
  
Don't tell Max.   
  
About her heart condition? Was that it? Liz didn't want Max to know what had happened. What had really happened between Max and Liz the few hours they'd spent together? Why was Liz suddenly so concerned about what Max knew and didn't know about her?   
  
Interesting, Maria thought.   
"You owe me some ice-cream, hun," Maria whispered to the sleeping Liz.

TBC…


	14. Chapter 14

_Hi!_

_I'm back with a new chapter :-)_

**_Tinz_**_ and **Charisma4** – Thank you so much for the feedback!!!_

_Charisma wrote: "__Now my only question is what your obsession with describing fly movement at the beginning of chapters?"_

_Lol! Well, I wouldn't call it an obsession with flies (maybe an obsession with animals…). I want to show what's happening from another person's perspective, and since other animals are too large to do that inconspicuously enough, insects is the best choice. But I'm open to suggestions *grins*_

_Let's move on to the new chapter…_

**Chapter 14**   
  
  
"Oh my God! Did you feel that?"   
She smiled and nodded, watching with warmth as his eyes danced with joy. His hand jerked and he laughed. "There. Did you feel that?"   
"Yes, Max," she laughed. "Believe me, I can feel that."   
"That's amazing," Max whispered, mostly to himself. His hand lightly traced around her bellybutton, when her stomach once again moved under his fingers.   
"He's gonna be something, isn't he?" Max said.   
She raised an amused eyebrow. "He?"   
He put his ear on her stomach to listen and her smile widened.   
"Why do you think it's a boy?" she asked.   
Max raised his head slightly from her stomach and looked at her, a look of awe and confusion on his face. "Huh?"   
She rolled her eyes at his complete inability to focus on anything else but the child growing inside of her.   
"You are so cute, you know that?"   
She smiled warmly as his ears turned a slight hint of red, and reached out with her hand to sift her hand through his dark hair.   
"You are going to be such a great dad."   
  
"Uncle Max! Uncle Max! Uncle Max! Uncle Maaaaax!"   
Tess' face dimmed in front of him, its form disintegrating into nothingness. He looked down into the brown eyes of his niece, slowly trying to return to reality.   
"Was you sleepin'?" Michelle asked, looking at him with the type of excited curiosity only a child could muster.   
"No, Michelle," Max answered, taking a deep breath to clear his mind.   
Michelle pulled her lips together in a thoughtful expression and her forehead furrowed as she squinted with her eyes. "But Uncle Max, can you sleep with your eyes open?"   
Max looked at Michelle, feeling the void and coldness in his heart slowly warming up. He reached out and picked her up, placing her in his lap.   
"No, you can't sleep with your eyes open, but sometimes you think so hard that it's almost like you are asleep."   
Michelle looked at him seriously, biting her bottom lip. "I's don't understand."   
"Okay," Max said, "Then let's do it like this. Think about your favorite thing."   
"My favowit fing?"   
  
"Yep," Max smiled at her excited facial expression.   
"'Kay," Michelle agreed and the small frown on her forehead reappeared. She started chewing on her upper lip as she stared off into the distance.   
"'Kay," she said then.   
"What are you thinking about?" Max asked.   
"Lucy," Michelle answered with a big smile stretching from ear to ear. Lucy was Michelle's beloved doll. It had been with her since she was one year old.   
"Okay, think really hard about Lucy now."   
Michelle giggled and nodded. Her face scrunched up into a thoughtful expression again. Then a puzzled frown fell over her. "What is she doing?"   
"Whatever you want," Max said.   
"'Kay," Michelle said and started to think again, now looking very determined. Max waited a couple of minutes, giving Michelle's livid imagination a chance to come to life.   
"Michelle…" he said gently.   
After a few seconds delay, she glanced up with him with a big smile on her face. "I's was sleepin'! Wif my eyes cwosed."   
Max grinned. "You sure were."   
  
"Uncle Max…" Michelle looked up at him expectantly.   
Max absently pushed a few of Michelle's blonde hair behind her ear. "What is it, honey?"   
"Will you tell me a stwory?"   
"Sure," Max smiled. "What do you want to hear?"   
Michelle cuddled closer to him, her small fingers fingering on the buttons of his shirt. "Cindella."   
"Cinderella it is."   
The thoughtful expression on Michelle's face returned and she bit her lip in deep concentration. "Can I's change Cindella's name?"   
Max looked at her surprised. "You want to change Cinderella's name?"   
Michelle turned serious. "Can I's do that?"   
Max looked at her and felt himself melt. A slow smile started to form on his lips and he leaned forward and placed a kiss on her forehead. "This is your story, pumpkin. You can do whatever you want with it."   
Michelle's face lightened up like a child on Christmas morning. "I's can?!"   
Max nodded seriously. "Absolutely."   
"Yay!!"   
"What do you want to call your Cinderella?" Max asked, wondering just what Michelle had in mind for this story time.   
"Liz."   
  
Max hand froze in the unconscious sifting through her hair and it took him a couple of seconds before he recuperated. "Liz?"   
"She was dis bootiful lady saving me in the big shopping store," Michelle explained, giving him a very explicit 'duh' look. "Don't you 'member?"   
Max's heart was beating faster and suddenly his mouth had gone dry. "The woman at the mall…" His eyes involuntarily drifted to the small note on the kitchen table. He had found it earlier in his pocket. Someone had slipped it to him, without him noticing. His best guess was Maria.   
"She come to my house," Michelle continued to explain, "She knowed my name! She liked Lucy!"   
"I remember," Max said quietly. "Why do you want your Cinderella to be called Liz instead?"   
"'Cause all pwincesses is bootiful and Liz is bootiful…" Max's face took on a distant expression as his thoughts turned to the one person he had tried so hard not to think about. The dark-haired petite woman, who had captured him and held him captive ever since he had first laid eyes on her. "And…and… Liz saved me and dat's what pwincesses do."   
Max did his best to turn back his focus to his niece. Smiling, he playfully rumbled her hair. "I thought that was the princes' job."   
  
Michelle thought about that for a couple of second before answering. "Pwincesses can save someone too. Someone's gotta save the pwince sometime, wight?"   
Max shook his head in wonder at the intelligent little girl in his arms. "You're right, sweetheart. Sometimes the prince needs to be saved too." 

--------------------------------------------------

  
  
Liz fingers finally found what they were looking for and she pressed the connection button.   
"Hello?" Her voice was quite breathless, having had to find the cell phone in the enormous bag Maria had packed for her, before it stopped ringing.   
"Liz?"   
The voice sounded familiar, but her mind was too fuzzy to put all the pieces together. "Yes?"   
"This is Max."   
Joy spread in her chest and she smiled. "Max…"   
"Yeah, you know, from the party and the-"   
Liz's smile deepened. "I remember you."   
"Oh…" came the somewhat embarrassed reply.   
Scooting further up against the head of the bed, she pulled the comforter closer around her and waited to hear his voice again. She hadn't realized it before, most obviously because too much had happened to her since Max had dropped her off at her house the night before, for her to have a clear thought, but she had missed his voice. She hadn't really thought about it before, but hearing it now, it was almost ridiculous that she hadn't noticed before the softness of his voice. The warmth in which he uttered every syllable. How he spoke her name.   
"How did you get my number?" Her answer was underlined with the smile on her lips and the amused surprise at having him call her.   
"I don't know actually," Max answered and Liz could easily picture his embarrassed lost boy expression.   
She raised an eyebrow. "You don't know?"   
"I found your number in my pocket. I guess someone gave it to me without me noticing. My first guess would be Mar-"   
"Maria."   
The shared a soft laugh as they simultaneously blurted out the name of the obvious organizer of the situation.   
  
"So, what are you up to?" Liz asked. She was dying to talk about something normal. Hear inane details about someone's _normal_ life. She had been craving to talk to someone who didn't fuss about her health and consequently barely talked about anything else than what she should and shouldn't do.   
"I'm sitting in this big black armchair right now, protected by an angel," Max answered cryptically. She could hear the smile in his voice and the special softness with which she had already recognized he used when he talked about the person who meant most to him.   
"You need protection?"   
"There was this big dragon outside, but she promised me that she would keep me safe."   
Liz bit her lower lip, the gentleness in his voice bringing tears to her eyes. "What's the angel's name?"   
"Liz…"   
The one-word syllable caused goose bumps to break out on her skin. She swallowed. "Liz?"   
"Yes," Max answered, "Liz is this really beautiful princess, who knows all the right tricks to lure a dragon away. She saves princes, too."   
Liz laughed softly. "She does?"   
"Uh-huh. Princes can need protection. Princes get scared, too, sometimes."   
She sobered at the hidden meanings behind his words. "But she saved her prince?"   
"She is doing a great job so far," Max answered.   
  
Liz closed her eyes, and there was a few seconds of silence, before Max spoke. "Liz? Are you there?"   
Liz nodded, before realizing that he couldn't see that. "Yes." Her voice was breaking. This was all too much for her. The things that she was feeling… She didn't know what to do. What she was feeling. What it meant… "Yes, I'm here."   
A breathless moment and then her eyes closed with guilt as his voice changed to worried. "Are you okay?"   
She didn't want this. She didn't want to pull another person into her misery. She didn't want to be pampered by one more. She wanted to be treated like a person. Not a patient. She ignored the fact that Max's concern didn't at all feel as wrong as Kevin's did. Max's concern made her want to cry. Made her want to confide in him, talk to him about everything between heaven and earth. She brushed some traitorous tears off her cheeks and answered stoically, "I'm fine, Max."   
"I hope that you didn't catch a cold," Max said and she could hear the guilt in his voice. Something she instinctively wanted to remove.   
"I'm perfectly fine, Max," Liz tried to assure him.   
There was some more seconds of silence and Liz spent the seconds wondering what was going through Max's head at the moment. Did he doubt her? Was he feeling guilty for giving her the best day in her life? Was he worried about her? Was he regretting that he called?   
"Okay," Max said, his voice much lighter. "I just wanted to…" He hesitated and Liz clung to the phone desperately, wondering what he was going to say. Would he cross the invisible line between them?   
"I just wanted to… to see how you were doing," Max said and somehow Liz knew that wasn't what he had intended to say. Not at all.   
  
"Thank you, Max," Liz said warmly. "Thank you for calling." She meant it even more than she could tell him. To hear his voice had lifted her spirits, given her new strength.   
"Liz…"   
"Yes?"   
"You wouldn't want to… um… Could I… Could I call you some other time?"   
Liz closed her eyes at the tears welling up in her eyes and immediately admonished herself for being so emotional. But she realized that Max wasn't really asking if he could call her some other time. There was so much more he was really asking, and they both knew it.   
"I'd love that," Liz whispered.   
"Okay," Max said softly. "We'll talk later then."   
"Yes," Liz agreed. "Yes, we'll do that."   
"Bye."   
Liz swallowed back the grief of hanging up and whispered a broken, "Bye."   
She didn't hang up immediately and she could still hear his presence at the other end of the line. It took a few seconds before he hung up and the call disconnected. 

---------------------------------------------------

  
  
Michael opened the door to find his girlfriend on the other side, looking up at him with a small smile. He immediately pulled her into a hug.   
"Hey."   
"Hey," she murmured against his chest.   
"Are you okay?"   
She nodded.   
"And Liz? How is she doing?"   
Maria took a deep breath and stepped out of his arms, absently fixing her hair. "She's doing fine. She will be going home today."   
Michael smiled. "That's great."   
Maria nodded and walked past him. Michael furrowed his forehead at her distant behavior. "Maria, is there something else?"   
  
She looked at him innocently. "Something else?"   
"Yeah, it seems like your mind is somewhere else."   
"Nah," she shook her head in denial and pulled out a glass from the cabinet in the kitchen, "This whole thing just scared me, you know? We had been lulled into this false sense of security. I guess I wasn't the only one who was surprised that Liz had a relapse." Maria sat down on one of the high stools at the counter, her fingers tracing the still empty glass. "When she had the transplant-"   
Michael stopped short. "She had a heart transplant?"   
Maria met his eyes. "She would've died without one."   
"Okay," Michael said and slowly lowered himself on the other stool beside her. He wasn't sure why he had such a strong reaction to that. It might be that it all sounded so serious, or it might just be that Tess' heart had been given to someone in the need of a new heart. It was just too close to home.   
"The doctors told us that she would be as healthy as anyone else after the transplant. As long as she took her pills to lessen the risk of her body rejecting the new heart."   
"Right," Michael nodded, "So what went wrong?"   
  
"Any infection is particularly dangerous to her. She got a cold, a very dangerous cold. According to the doctor, she was close to getting pneumonia. And she was upset right as the infection was beginning to root inside of her. It just became too much for her heart. But that's not the point. The point is that she is still acting as if everything is okay, and it's pissing me off."   
"Why?" Michael asked honestly.   
Maria frustrated threw her hands up in the air. "Because…because… I'm not sure that she is taking care of herself. It's like she doesn't care. She just laughs and tells everyone that she's okay, when I can clearly see that she isn't."   
"It's her life you are talking about," Michael said. "I'm sure she wouldn't be careless with her own life."   
  
His thoughts wandered to the woman he had met two days ago, at Isabel's. The picture he was getting from Maria now, a really sick woman, did not fit the picture he had built up at dinner. The woman he had met there had been independent, albeit a little shy. But she had been happy in a way that he never had seen anyone before. Her happiness hadn't been of the exuberant kind, but more of the calm kind. Still, it hadn't taken a scientist to understand that she wasn't only going through the motions of life, she was cherishing every breath, devouring every second. Now he knew why. She had been handed another chance in life and she was doing everything she had ever wanted to do. Maybe that was why Max had taken such an instant liking in her. She was the total opposite of what he had become. While Liz probably woke up with a smile every day because she was so excited about what the new day was going to bring her, Max woke up wanting to go back to sleep and never wake up again. Liz exhibited the qualities that Max craved.   
  
"I don't know…" Maria murmured. "I mean, of course she wouldn't be careless about her life. She has waited for this life for too long. I just… Something is wrong."   
"As I've understood it," Michael mused, "She was basically given a second chance to live. It's only natural that she would change."   
"But it's only lately that she has changed," Maria said.   
Michael looked at her for a few seconds in contemplation, before he decided to be very honest with her. "Maybe what irks you is that she has changed and you haven't."   
Maria stared at him and then snorted to show how ridiculous she thought that was. "What are you saying?"   
Michael took a deep breath, knowing that he might be threading thin ice, and raked his hand through his hair. "All I'm saying is… Do you treat Liz as the new Liz, or as the old Liz?"   
"What are you talking about?" Michael could hear the irritation in her voice and knew that he had stepped on some toes.   
"She still needs you to care _for_ her and support her, but she doesn't really need you to take care of her any longer. She doesn't need your help to the same degree any longer."   
Maria's mouth thinned out in anger. Michael's eyes glanced at the finger quickly tapping against the surface of the counter. "She's in the hospital, Michael. As far as I can see it, she still needs our help."   
  
"Why was she upset?"   
"What?"   
"That night when she had that…um…that artial fabril-thingy," Michael scratched his head. Medical terms had never been his strong side. "Why was she upset?"   
Maria hopped off the stool. "You know what, don't bother. Liz is my problem-"   
Michael grabbed a hold of her wrist, putting a stop to her escape. Looking her firmly in the eyes, he said gently, "Maria, I'm not trying to insult you or butt into a friendship you truly know more about than I. I just wanted to give you a new perspective-"   
"Whatever," Maria said and looked away.   
"Look at me," Michael said. With a sigh, Maria turned to look at him, "I want to be here for you, Maria. I want to listen to you. And I also want to be honest with you. When I think something, I want to be able to tell you that and I want you to feel that you can do the same."   
Maria swallowed at his honest admission. That had to be the most beautiful thing someone has ever said to her. But pride stopped her from admitting that to him.   
"To be honest," she looked at him surly, "You're pissing me off right now."   
He grinned at that, which made her snatch her arm out of his grip.   
"I'm leaving," she said curtly.   
"Maria," Michael begged, silent laughter in his voice. He hadn't meant to upset her like that. "Can we just…"   
  
Maria stopped by the door and whipped around to face him. "No, Michael. I need some fresh air." Before he was given the opportunity to protest, she had opened the door and slammed it shut behind her. He stared at the door in disbelief, wondering what just had happened. It didn't take many seconds until the door opened again and Maria poked her head in. "Thank you for, you know, for listening."   
It was obvious that it was hard for her to admit that she had appreciated him. Her expression was fighting to remain cool and nonchalant.   
"You're welcome," Michael smiled.   
"Okay," she said, "But I'm still angry with you."   
"Okay," Michael said calmly.   
"Okay."   
"Okay."   
"Okay, then I'm just gonna…" And with that she slammed the door again, leaving Michael behind with a big grin on his face.


	15. Chapter 15

Hi everyone!

Thank you *so much* for the feedback!! It's highly valued!

And **chosen-gurli; No, this story only resembles the movie "Return to Me" in the basic plot idea. Actually, I haven't even seen the movie, so it would be weird if I managed to make my story the same as the movie lol**

Finally, the inspiration on this story is flooding, so the updates will be a little more frequent. Enjoy! 

**Chapter 15**   
  
  
"I'll get that," Max said and Isabel watched him disappear into the bedroom.   
"Okay…" she said slowly. She continued to pick up Michelle's toys from the floor, her mind miles away.   
"Here," Max put down the Lucy doll on the kitchen table, "Something else?"   
Isabel's eyes narrowed as she took in Max fidgeting behavior, how he was practically jumping with restlessness.   
Isabel put the doll in the bag and zipped it up.   
"I'll get Michelle," Max volunteered.   
"Hang on for a sec," Isabel said.   
Max stopped and judging from his expression he knew that he had been caught.   
Isabel looked at him seriously. "What's going on?"   
Max's eyebrows rose in innocence. "Nothing's going on, Isabel. What makes you think that?"   
"Eh… Well, I guess that smile is a total give away," Isabel answered, watching the nervous half-smile that had formed on Max's lips slowly disappearing again. "Has something happened?"   
Max shook his head. "No, nothing has happened."   
"Everything went okay with Michelle?"   
"Yes, she was an angel. As always."   
"Okay," Isabel said slowly, looking at him more closely. There was something different about him.   
  
"You should get home. Michelle should be put to bed."   
Max was already turning towards the living room again to get the sleeping Michelle from the couch, when Isabel's question stopped him.   
"Why are you so eager to get us out of here? What are you going to do?"   
Max turned around slowly. "I'm not trying to get you out of here."   
Isabel's eyebrows rose in disbelief. "Really?"   
"Michelle should really go home to her own bed," Max tried.   
Isabel shook her head with a smile on her lips. They both knew that it didn't harm Michelle to sleep on a couch. Isabel tried another tactic. "What were you two up to today?"   
"Hide and seek, which is totally useless, because she is so small that she can hide anywhere," Max murmured.   
Isabel chuckled. Knowing her brother, he didn't like that game because he would get so worried every time he couldn't find Michelle.   
"Then she played on her own for a while and I told her a story."   
"Sounds like you had a great time," Isabel said, sitting down on the end of the couch, gently removing a blond strand of hair away from her daughter's cheek. "You know, she names all her princesses and Barbie dolls Liz now."   
Max froze. When he didn't say anything, Isabel looked up and saw the mixed emotions on her brother's face. Bingo.   
  
"Have you talked to her lately?" Isabel asked.   
"Who?" Max asked evasively.   
"Liz Parker," Isabel answered.   
"I just met her two days ago," Max answered.   
Isabel raised her eyebrow in question. As if Max meeting Liz two days ago was going to stop him from calling her again in that short time if he had the chance. Another woman wouldn't have interested him much, but there was something different about Liz. They had all seen it. How Max looked at her and the way Liz looked back.   
"Do you have her number?"   
"Maria gave it to me," Max answered.   
Isabel smiled. "Right, Maria. I knew that I could count on her."   
Max frowned. "What do you mean?"   
"Oh, nothing," Isabel answered with an innocent smile. She stroke a few strands away from Michelle's forehead, before leaning forward and placing a kiss there. She could feel Max's eyes on her. She could feel the questions hanging in the air. She knew that he wanted to talk to her about something. She just had to wait him out. She wasn't disappointed.   
"I called her this afternoon."   
Isabel looked at him, hiding her surprise. "You did?"   
Max sighed and sat down on the armrest of the armchair. "Yeah."   
Isabel was confused by his weary sigh. He didn't sound that happy at the memory. "So, what did she say?"   
  
The soft smile that she had expected on his face earlier started to take form. "Everything she said was great…"   
"But…?"   
"It's what she didn't say that concerns me."   
Isabel frowned. "What do you mean?"   
"When the car broke down, it was raining and she got wet-"   
Isabel held up her hands in a typical stopping motion. "Wait, wait. Your car broke down?"   
"Yeah," Max answered, "When I was driving her home the other night."   
Isabel nodded, but didn't say anything.   
"She tried to help me and she stepped out of the car, getting all wet. When we were in the taxi to her house, she fell asleep and I just… I just…"   
"You got worried," Isabel filled in for him.   
Max dropped his eyes. "I had this feeling…" He met Isabel's eyes. "It scared me. Just the thought of her getting something as small as a cold scared me."   
Isabel nodded in understanding, while she was both awed and frightened with what she was reading between the lines of what Max what telling her. The obvious attachment Max had already formed to Liz was so real in everything Max did when he talked about her.   
"I'm sure she's just fine," Isabel assured him.   
"That's what she told me," Max said.   
"Then there's nothing to-"   
"But it sounded like she had a cold. Her voice sounded different. She sounded tired."   
Isabel rose from her position on the couch and stepped up to Max, looking down at him with worry in her eyes and placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. "Max, I'm sure it was nothing. She probably just had a rough day."   
Max looked up at his sister, his eyes not really seeing her as his thoughts wandered aimlessly in his head. He shook his head to clear the cobwebs from his mind and took a deep breath. "You're right. I'm being ridiculous. I shouldn't worry that much."   
Isabel smiled. "No, you shouldn't. But it's who you are, Max, and you can't run away from that."   
Max looked at Michelle's sleeping form on the couch and nodded absently. "Maybe we should get that little lady in bed."   
Isabel's gaze lingered on him a moment before turning to look at her daughter. "Yes."   
But Isabel's thoughts would stay with Max for a long time afterwards. 

-----------------------------------------

  
  
_Three days later_   
  
"I get it! I get it!"   
Michelle's voice was gradually hushed as she disappeared into the kitchen to answer the phone. Isabel straightened the bed cover and turned to walk into the kitchen, wondering who was on the phone. "Who is it, baby?"   
Blonde pigtails twirled in the air as Michelle turned her head towards her mother's voice. "It's Michwael."   
Michelle handed over the receiver to Isabel. "Michael, hi."   
"Oh, hi Iz," came the surprised answer. "Where did Michelle go?"   
Isabel smiled and ruffled her daughter's hair lightly, careful not to destroy the hairdo. "She probably just forgot to say goodbye."   
She could hear the mutual smile in his voice as he answered, "Okay. Isabel, I need to talk to you about something."   
Isabel frowned at the sudden shift in tone in Michael's voice and sensing that it was something serious she turned to Michelle and told her to go to her room and play.   
"Michael, what is it? Is everything okay?"   
Michael laughed lightly. "You know, Iz, you always say that Max is worrying too much, but you are pretty good at it yourself."   
"Michael," Isabel warned, "I can hear that something is wrong. Has something happened? Is it Maria? Did you guys have a fight?"   
"Everything's okay," Michael assured.   
"How are things between you and Maria by the way?" It just struck her that she hadn't had the time to investigate further on the newly blossoming relationship between Michael and Maria. There had been so many other things happening. Max being at the top of that list. Him taking pills, becoming more like a stranger to her. Meeting Liz. It had been a rough couple of days.   
"Good, good," Michael said quickly. "But that's not what I wanted to talk to you about."   
Isabel suppressed a smile. It was so typical Michael not to give any details about his love life. He never had, and she wondered if he ever would.   
"What is it?"   
"Max."   
That one syllable caused her spine to straighten and her hand to tighten around the receiver. "What about Max?"   
"Well…"   
  
  
_"To be more precise, it's about Liz…"_   
  
"Liz? Is that you?"   
"Max? Hi!"   
Liz's face lightened up as she looked into those amber eyes, which had been visiting her nightly dreams.   
  
_"What's going on, Michael? Talk to me."   
"I'm not so sure I should tell you this, but I've been thinking about it a lot and I have to talk to someone about it…"   
"Michael, what is it?"_   
  
"What are you doing here?" they spoke in unison. A fresh tint of red spread over their cheeks and Liz ducked her head slightly, a smile teasing the corners of her mouth.   
"You go first."   
Her eyes lifted at his soft offer and got trapped in his eyes. The tingle in her chest intensified, she could feel her cheeks getting hotter, but her eyes never left his. She didn't want to.   
  
_"Liz has a heart condition."_   
  
"I…I…" And then reality sneaked back into her mind, making her look over her shoulder at the building towering up behind her. The hospital. The happiness at seeing him again was quickly being replaced with fear. Fear that he would realize why she was standing outside a hospital. Her mind was immediately put into high gear. She never analyzed about why she decided to lie to him. She just did.   
"I just got some pills for my mother. She has…uhm…migraine."   
  
_"What…"   
"She had a heart transplant, Izzie. She was really sick. According to Maria, she nearly died."   
"Oh my God…"   
  
"That's too bad."_ The concern flashed in his eyes and the truth about what it meant hit Liz hard. If he had the ability to be concerned about someone he hadn't even met, what would he feel if he found out the truth about her? It made her even more determined not to let him know. She didn't want to burden him with it. Rigidly, she denied the sting of pain she felt in her heart to have to lie to him about such a big part of her life. Something that had formed her into the person she was today.   
"Yeah," Liz nodded, feeling nausea rising in her throat. She forced herself to smile in an effort to suppress her bad conscious. "What are you doing here?"   
He was looking at her so intently that she could feel the heat rise in her cheeks. She throat was dry and she tried to swallow.   
  
_"It's just so bizarre. Tess' heart is in someone like Liz. Liz is a living proof of what Tess' heart meant for someone."   
"Michael, stop that please."   
"And now Max is seeing someone like-"   
"He isn't seeing her, Michael."   
"Didn't you see how they were acting around each other? If they aren't seeing each other yet, they will be soon."_   
  
"Max?"   
He jumped and his eyes regained focus. "Oh, so-sorry. What did you say?"   
She couldn't help but laugh at this. "What are you doing here?"   
"Teacher's conference," he gave her a goofy grin and she shook her head, the smile on her face getting wider and the bad feelings were pushed further away from her mind.   
She raised an eye-brow. "Really? Where's the rest of the group?"   
"Oh, they are in there," Max pointed at the café further down the street.   
"Shouldn't you be with them too?"   
Max answered her with a guilty half-smile. "I needed a break."   
  
_"We have to do something."   
"That's what I thought. What should we do?"   
"I don't know… We just… This isn't going to work out well, Michael. He can't be with someone unhealthy. What if she… God, Michael, what if she dies?"   
"No… I don't think so. After the transplant she is supposed to be able to lead the same life as a healthy person. At least that's what Maria told me."   
"He's gonna worry…"   
"But then there was on the other hand this thing with the…uhm…"   
"What thing?"_   
  
"Aha," Liz nodded in understanding, a twinkle of laughter in her eyes.   
She watched the sun play in the dark curls of his hair, casting playful shadows over his beautiful face, and watched the way he shifted restlessly from one foot to the other. As if he were nervous.   
"I was actually planning on getting something to eat," Max said, his eyes moving from a place over her head to a tree on his right. "You wanna…" He cleared his throat. "You want to join me?"   
Liz felt her heart jolt at this and she smiled. Her voice was soft, warmed by subdued joy, when she answered, "I'd like that."   
He looked surprised and she was transfixed by his eyes as they twinkled with something new, making his eyes shift into different shades of amber and dark gold. "Yeah?"   
"Yes," she confirmed.   
  
_"Atrial fib…"   
"Atrial fibrillation?"   
"That's it. She was in the hospital."   
"Oh my…When was this?"   
"Uhm… The day after she joined us at dinner."   
"Max was right."   
"What?"   
"He talked to Liz on the phone and he thought that she sounded tired. That something was off. Michael, we have to stop this. This will kill Max. He cannot survive this again. He is too weak."   
"Wait, Iz. Maybe…maybe we shouldn't butt in-"   
"Michael, you remember how he was the first months after Tess' death. He still hasn't recuperated. He is still suffering. I think he's even getting worse. He's taking pills, Michael."   
"What kind of pills?"   
"Sleeping pills."   
"A lot of people take sleeping pills."   
"He's taking too many."   
"Okay… So what you're saying is that we have to stop Max from ever meeting Liz again?"   
"Yes."   
"Preventing him from ever falling in love again?"   
"That's not what I'm saying. I want him to fall in love again. He shouldn't be doomed to spend the rest of his life alone."   
"Then what are you saying?"   
"I just don't want him to fall in love with Liz."   
"What if Liz is what he needs?"   
"Michael, I'm not doing this to be mean. I'm doing this for him. I miss my brother. I can't stand by and watch him die. He can still fall in love. Liz doesn't have to be his big love."   
There was hesitation in the silence before Michael spoke. Because he had seen Max and Liz together and what he had seen spoke a different truth than what Isabel was saying. He was certain that Isabel had seen it too. But it all came down to the sanity of his best friend. And complications were probably the last thing Max needed right now. It was, however, with some reluctance that Michael replied, "Okay._   
  
  
The young woman basked in the feeling of the warm sun on her face as she walked along the sidewalk. It was a beautiful day and her mind was already swimming with thoughts about how she should spend the day. Her eyes moved between the shopping windows, absent-mindedly drifting over the products being displayed. Her steps faltered when her eyes fell onto the couple at the other side of a window, sitting in the café she was just passing. A warm smile spread over her face and the feeling of joyful freedom deepened. She watched the woman laugh and fumble with the napkin on the table, her dark long hair spilling down her tanned shoulders. Her eyes fell on the handsome man sitting opposite the woman. Her pace slowed another degree when she watched how he was looking at her. With awe. She had never seen a man look at a woman like that before. Like he was feeling blessed just to be in her presence.   
  
The young woman pushed a red strand of hair out of her eye and smiled to herself as her pace quickened again. But the couple remained in her thoughts for some while. Ah, to be in love on a day like this.

TBC…


	16. Chapter 16

_Hi everyone!_

_So, my travel to Australia is getting closer by the second. And because of that I decided to update some chapters on this story, so you can read whenever you have the time. And we'll just "meet" again when I have fixed an internet connection "Down Under". _

**_Elementalmoon_**_ – That girl at the end of the previous chapter has no relevance. I only wanted to give the reader a view of Max and Liz from an outside observer. Thank you so much for the feedback!!! :-D :-D_

**_Jazzypunker_**_ – Yes, Liz's boyfriend is still in the picture. But I'm taking care of that, don't worry :-) Thank you so much for the feedback!!! :-D :-D_

_Take care__ everyone!!_

_*hugs*_

_Josephin___

**Chapter 16**   
  
  
"I promise you, that's what I think about."   
Liz laughed in response. "I say flower and you think about bread?"   
"Yes. I thought there was free speech in this game."   
Liz held up her hands in front of her in resignation. "Okay. Alright. Bread it is. Then I say cookies."   
"Milk."   
"Is there a story to why you think about bread when you hear flower?"   
This caused Max's face to break into a big grin and he answered with mock sternness, "No, there isn't."   
Liz pouted playfully, "You must be a stern teacher."   
"I try."   
"Okay… you said milk, then I say cow."   
"You know what? Your replies are so predictable."   
"I don't know if I should be offended or not," Liz said, traces of laughter still lighting parts of her face.   
"No, no, you shouldn't be offended," Max hurried to apologize. In his hurry he automatically placed his hand over Liz's, which was resting on the table. They both froze as his palm made contact with the back of her hand. Liz's breath caught in her throat and her whole body tensed, unable to do anything else as the sparks of attraction raced through her body. Max stared at their hands, feeling the warmth of her hand seep into his cold bones, thaw his frozen blood and put his heart into marathon. Afraid of what he was feeling, he pulled the hand away from hers.   
  
"Uhm…"   
Liz couldn't help but feel disappointed that he had pulled away. She thought that the insecurity thudding inside of her was the worst, until she saw the fear in his eyes.   
"Max?"   
She was quickly reminded of the day at the mall, of their first turbulent meeting. She had seen the same fear in his eyes then, only a thousand times more intense.   
"Wh-what I mean is… you say what is expected of you." Max forced himself to remain calm, feeling the beads of cold sweat on his forehead. He had to face his demons later. He could feel Liz's eyes searching his face. Her confusion and insecurity were so thick around him that he could have touched them. He kept his eyes cast downwards, intently watching the tablecloth. He could feel that she was fighting with herself. Should she investigate further why he had reacted the way he had or should she just pretend like nothing had happened?   
"What do you mean?"   
Relief flooded Max. She would let it pass. She wouldn't probe him, interrogate him like Isabel. He looked up and met her eyes. She was looking at him with earnest interest and it gave him the strength he needed to not get up and run away.   
"Have you ever lived outside the bounds of what is predictable?"   
"Well, sometimes I wear black instead of red," she teased.   
"Really?" Max asked, leaning forward with an exaggerated expression of surprise.   
"Yep," Liz answered proudly. She leaned back in the chair, never once breaking eye contact. "What about you? How unpredictable are you?"   
"Not very," Max confessed with a sheepish smile.   
  
"I figured."   
"But wouldn't it be fun to just not think sometime? Not plan ahead."   
Liz frowned and bit her lip in a general expression of disagreement. "Nah… I don't know. I like to have a plan."   
"How often can you say that you stick to your plan? Plans work with grocery shopping, but too much planning in real life never works."   
"Then tell me, Max Evans," Liz leaned forward in her chair, resting her chin in her hands as she challenged him with her eyes, "What is so bad about predictability? Isn't that what creates a feeling of safety? That you know what's going to happen."   
"But you can never really know that. The real world doesn't follow your planned list. You might want to control it through the list, but you can't."   
"You have to have a plan," Liz said, frowning at the resistance he was putting up.   
"Why?"   
"Because…because…" The subject was starting to unnerve her. It was the planning, the predictability that she based her whole existence on. It was planning about the future that had kept her alive all those years in the hospital bed. She had always associated unpredictability with something negative. Her heart disease was unpredictable. She never knew when it was going to stop beating. In an effort to win over her heart disease, win over the unpredictability, she had constructed a world where everything could be foreseen, where she could follow her plans and her routines. It was something she had longed for in the hospitals. It was something she correlated with a normal life.   
"How did we get away from the game?"   
  
He could see that the subject made her feel uneasy. He couldn't help but wonder why. Why did a subject of unpredictability make her fidget with her fingers and put a frown on the forehead of that beautiful face of hers?   
"Let's change the rules then," Max suggested.   
He could see the relief smooth out the frown and he relaxed.   
Liz picked up her cup of hot chocolate and took a sip. "What do you suggest?"   
"That you try very hard to be unpredictable in your answers."   
Liz rolled her eyes. "But that will destroy the whole purpose of the game. The funny thing about this game is that you say the first thing that comes to mind."   
"I don't think you are doing that anyway," Max said, his voice bearing a hint of tentativeness of maybe hurting her feelings. But she just put the cup down and looked at him, a fascinated smile playing at the corners of her mouth.   
"You don't?"   
  
Maria always said that. They had spent an endless amount of hours playing that game and Maria always accused Liz for censuring what came out of her mouth. But Maria had known Liz since they were small. To hear the same words that often came out of her long-time friend be spoken by someone she hardly knew caught her interest.   
"I think that you are too afraid to let people know what you really think." He didn't know why he was being so brutally honest with her. He never talked to someone like this. But there was something about her that made him want to get under those socially acceptable layers and get to know the real Liz Parker.   
She took a deep breath and made a decision. For once, she was going to try and remove the constant restrains she had on herself.   
"Okay, let's try it."   
The surprise on his face almost made her laugh. He hadn't predicted her to say that. "You want me to…?" She nodded and watched his eyes warm. "Okay. Uhm… Sunshine."   
"Life."   
"Death."   
"Hospitals."   
"Surgery."   
"Pain."   
"We are getting really dark here," Max teased, memorizing her every word.   
"You wanted honesty," Liz smiled. "It's your turn."   
"Sleep." ****

-----------------------------------------------------------

  
  
Max held the door open while he glanced at his watch.   
"Do you have to leave?"   
He turned to look at her, once again feeling blessed to be in her beauty. "Another ten minutes…"   
She smiled and he thought that it was genuine happiness in her eyes. "You want to go for a walk? The park is really beautiful."   
How could he resist? "Sure."   
  
They started walking down the street, immersed in a comfortable silence. It was Liz who decided to break it. "So…"   
"So…"   
"Which day of the week is your favorite?"   
He looked at her sideways. "Is this another game?"   
She ducked her head, a cute blush rising on her cheeks. "Sort of." She looked up at him, seeing the amused twinkle in his eyes. "Maria and I had a lot of time to kill when we were young."   
He thought that was an odd thing to say. "Why's that?"   
She paled slightly at his question as the magnitude of what she had implied had her hurling back to the reality she had so easily forgot in his presence. "Well, you know. Relatives coming over to visit and bad weather and stuff. You have to find something to do."   
"Right." He searched her profile. Why did he get the feeling that she was lying to him? But more importantly, why did that bother him? He barely knew her anyway.   
"It's Friday."   
She looked up at him. "Why?"   
"I don't know… Maybe it's because I'm at my sister's then…"   
"Michelle," Liz said knowingly.   
"Yes."   
"She really means a lot to you, doesn't she?"   
"She means the world to me," Max answered. There was a brutal honesty in his statement that made her eyes linger on his face. But he turned it to the other side, hiding his face from her. She swallowed and decided to let it drop.   
  
"It's Sundays for me."   
He turned to look at her again. "Why?"   
"Silence. No one else is home. It's only me and my cat and a good book."   
For not the first time, Max was reminded of how different she was from him. He hated to be alone. He hated the silence. The silence spoke of too many things that he didn't want to hear. But there were times when he needed to be alone too, times when he couldn't escape himself.   
"What's so great about silence?"   
"I don't know," she contemplated his question, "I've never really thought about it. I just… I don't have to…" listen to the beeping of heart machines, listen to an endless line of questions about her wellbeing, assure everyone that she was fine, "There is just so much noise in the world. Cell phones. Cars. Air conditioning. It's just nice to hear the silence sometimes."   
"Maybe…"   
"What's your worst day?"   
"Tuesdays."   
"Why?"   
"Because I'm alone."   
Liz looked at him, embarrassed that she had just preached about the holiness of being alone and it was what he hated the most. He gave her a lopsided smile, which eased away the sharp edges of the embarrassment.   
"Why don't you like it?"   
The answer to that question was easy. He didn't like himself.   
But he couldn't tell her that. "I guess I'm just a people person. I like being around people."   
Somehow, Liz had difficulty believing that. He didn't strike her as a people-oriented person at all. At dinner at his sister's, in a large group of people, he was quiet and introverted. He had talked a lot with her, but when they had gathered around the table he didn't often take part in the conversations. He was an observer. Just like her.   
  
"What's your worst day?" he asked, feeling that he needed to put a stop to something. Feeling like he had been caught.   
"Mondays."   
"Predictable," he teased.   
"Yeah, I know," Liz giggled. "But that's the truth. It's the first day after the weekends. It's just boring, you know."   
"Yeah, I know."   
Liz was thinking about all the questions she was being bombarded with on Monday morning. If she had eaten too much, eaten too little, exercised too much, exercised too little, slept too much, slept too little, taken her pills when she had been alone, what she had been doing… Max was thinking about what a relief Mondays were. When he was able to go back to work and escape his own thoughts. It was then that he could immerse himself into the children's questions and correcting their homework. The day he could hide from himself.   
"What is your favorite date?" Liz question broke him out of his reverie, but not far enough for him to collect himself before he answered.   
"The 20th of June."   
"Why?"   
"That's the day my son was born."   
  
Even though they didn't have any physical contact, they weren't touching in any way, he could feel her tense beside her. It was like the air molecules between them froze, creating an ice between them. He didn't dare to look at her. He didn't want to see the shock he knew he would find on her face.   
"I…I didn't know you had a son," she said, her voice barely a whisper.   
"He…" Max swallowed. "He died. He was killed in a car accident two years ago."   
He could feel the familiar tightness in his chest, the tears pricking the back of his throat and he was already fighting to regain control over himself. He didn't know why he had told her that. He didn't tell any strangers a thing like that. But Liz wasn't a stranger, not anymore.   
  
He jumped when he felt her hand brush against his. He turned his blurry vision to look down at his hand and felt, more than saw, her hand lace with his.   
"Max, I'm so sorry," she whispered.   
Her heart ached when she watched him fight to control his feelings and she squeezed his hand harder. She desperately wanted to remove that agony from his posture, and she was already kicking herself for starting this stupid game.   
He nodded and took a deep breath, his whole body shaking from the magnitude of it. He needed to get himself together. He couldn't break down here. He hadn't cried over Tess and his son since their funeral and he wasn't going to start now. Unconsciously, he squeezed Liz's hand harder to get the strength he needed to straighten his back and push the memories back to the hidden caverns of his mind.   
"This was a stupid game," Liz said.   
  
"No…" His voice sounded throaty to his ears and he cleared his throat. "You would've found out sooner or later…"   
Even though he could barely think beyond the pain the memories of his child's death had brought, he was glad that she knew. For some reason, he wanted her to know.   
"Are you okay?" she asked worriedly.   
He forced himself to smile. "I will be."   
"I'm sorry. I can't imagine what it would be like to lose a child…"   
"Can we please not talk about it?" he asked softly, his voice breaking with the emotions which were yet to be hushed inside of him.   
She bit her lip. "Of course."   
They started walking again, now in silence, but Max's grip on her hand didn't lessen and their fingers remained entwined. She didn't want to let go either.

TBC…


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17**   
  
  
Kevin heard the front door open and turned down the sound on the TV. "Hi honey, how did the-" His question came to a screeching halt as he turned his head and his eyes landed on the distraught face of his girlfriend. "What happened?"   
He had already risen from the couch and was now practically running towards her. Liz held up her hands in front of him in tired resignation. "Please Kevin. I just need to be alone."   
"What did the doctor say?"   
"Everything's fine."   
Kevin took in her upset appearance, her red eyes and ruffled hair. "Everything is not fine. What did he say?"   
Liz tried to step around him, but his body stopped her and her irritation flared to life. "Everything does not revolve around my heart condition, Kevin. Now, could you please leave me alone?!"   
"I can see that something is wrong."   
"Yes, Kevin," Liz snapped. "Something is wrong. You are standing in my way."   
"Is your body rejecting your hear-"   
Liz let out a cry of frustration and pushed pass Kevin to the bathroom, slamming the door shut behind her and locking it.   
  
"Liz…?" There was a rustle as Kevin tried to open the door. When he was met with resistance his voice raised. "Liz! Why have you locked the door?!" He pulled in the door, trying to get it to open, as Liz lowered herself on the bed, burying her face in her hands.   
"Open the door!!"   
She picked up the phone on the nightstand and dialed Maria's number.   
"Hi, this is Maria," Maria answered.   
"Hi Maria," Liz whispered.   
"Liz, what's wrong?" came the immediate worried response.   
"Open the door!!"   
"No!!" Liz cried.   
"What's going on? Was that Kevin?"   
"I really need to talk to you," Liz said, the first tear sliding down her cheek.   
"Babe, what is it? Has this something to do with the meeting with the doctor today?"   
"I need Max's phone number. Do you have it?"   
"What? Max Evans?"   
"Yes," Liz brushed a couple of tears of her cheek. "He's not listed in the phone book. Can you ask Michael for it?"   
  
"Liz, you are not making much sense. What happened?"   
The banging on the door ended and Kevin's voice eased into a coaxing tone. "Liz, honey. Please open the door. You are scaring me. Please open the door."   
"I met Max today."   
"You did?"   
"He was on a teachers' conference in Albuquerque. We had lunch together and then we-"   
"Whoa, whoa, wait. You met Max?"   
"Yes."   
"Okay, okay. So you had lunch together, then what?"   
"We were playing these stupid games-"   
"Liz!! Open the door!!"   
"God, that man just can't take a hint," Maria murmured.   
Liz closed her eyes and willed her frustration to remain in control.   
"You know when I say one word and the other person says the first thing that comes to mind and then I say-"   
"Yeah yeah, I know what game you mean," Maria said impatiently. "So what happened?"   
"Well, we had a really good time. I love talking to him. He is so interesting."   
"Uh huh," Maria said, trying to hide her impatience. Something had happened and Liz was dangerously close to sidestepping the most important detail.   
  
"It was like he could see straight through me. It was like he could tell that I was lying-"   
"Wait. You were lying? Why were you lying?"   
"But I had a sense he wasn't being completely honest either," Liz continued, not hearing a word of what Maria was saying.   
"What were you lying about?"   
"Liz!! Open this door! Now!!"   
"God, he is starting to freak me out," Maria cried out.   
"Try living with him," Liz said, tired sarcasm dripping from her voice.   
"Liz?" Maria had never heard Liz talk about Kevin like that. Talking about Kevin like that was Maria's job. Liz's role was to defend him. When did they change roles?   
"I just really need to talk to him. I blew it, Maria."   
"Who? Max? Liz, you are really confusing me here."   
"Sorry, I'm sorry," Liz sobbed, brushing the now freely flowing tears away from her cheeks.   
"Liz… please, calm down." Maria didn't want a repeat of what had happened the last time Liz had got upset.   
  
"He had a son, Maria," Liz sobbed.   
"He had…what?!" Maria exclaimed.   
"And he died. In a car accident. Two years ago."   
"He had a son?"   
"Everything just fell into place. Why he has this sadness around him. The despair I could see in his eyes…"   
"There was despair in his eyes?"   
"Even when he smiles, he isn't truly happy. And he was married. When I held his hand-"   
"You held his hand?!"   
"I could feel his wedding band. Where is his wife, Maria? Is she still alive? Have you met her? Have Michael said anything about it?"   
"Wife… No, no, Michael hasn't said a word. But I'm going to make him talk, I promise you, Liz."   
"What if she died in the same accident as his son? How does somebody survive that? He lost his wife and son at the same time…"   
"Maybe they just couldn't get over the death of their son. A thing like that can tear any relationship up. Maybe they just divorced."   
"Why is he still wearing his wedding ring?"   
  
"I don't know…"   
"He hasn't let go of her yet."   
"She might just be away on a business trip or something, that's why we haven't heard anything about her."   
"Shouldn't someone have mentioned her? Don't you find that a little odd?"   
"Liz!!"   
"Kevin, I'm fine! Leave me alone!!"   
"Maybe you should go out there and assure him that you are okay," Maria said.   
"I'm crying, Maria. He'll never leave me alone if he sees me like this."   
"No, no, you're right."   
"He was really upset, Ria. His son's death is still so raw to him."   
"And now you need to call him and make sure he's okay."   
"Yes."   
"Are you sure that's so wise? He probably wants to be left alone right now."   
"But I-"   
"It will only ease your mind to call. It will not help him-"   
"He needs to know that he's not alone."   
"Liz, calm down and think about this logically. Think about the man you have shut out of your bedroom. Max probably wants to be left alone right now, just like you want to stay away from questions from Kevin."   
  
Liz knew that Maria was right. Max needed to be alone right now. She really didn't want to make matters worse by calling him. But at the same time she needed to know that he was okay. She needed to know if there was something she could do. After all, it had been she who had brought the memories back to life again.   
"Could you get me his number anyway?"   
"Sure," Maria said, "Just don't call him right away."   
"I won't."   
"Have you told Kevin?"   
Liz frowned. "Told him what?"   
"About Max."   
"It's not like I'm cheating on him."   
"It isn't?"   
"What are you saying, Maria?"   
"I think you should think about this, Liz. Think about what Kevin really means to you. Isn't it more merciful to tell him the truth?"   
  
"What is the truth?" Liz didn't understand what Maria was hinting at.   
"That you don't love him anymore. You shouldn't be together with someone you don't love. Have you told Max about Kevin?"   
"I don't-"   
"Liz, I really think you should sort this out. This could get complicated quickly. You're playing with fire here. You know how jealous Kevin gets. After everything he's done for you it's only fair that he is told the truth."   
"I have to go," Liz said, her voice distant.   
"Okay," Maria said softly, "Take care of yourself."   
"I will," Liz replied. "Thanks Maria."   
"I'll call you later. Bye, hun."   
"Bye."   
  
Liz hung up the phone and curled up on the bed, pulling her knees up to her chest, and she let her tears have free reign. She was crying for him and everything he had lost. Her sobs echoed in the room and Kevin's worried voice drifted through the wooden door occasionally. But she didn't hear. She was lost in her own thoughts. She was so confused. So utterly confused. Wasn't life supposed to be easier after the transplant? 

----------------------------------------------------------

  
  
"He is over here..."   
His legs felt loaded with lead as he followed after the man. Voices echoed around him, melting into each other, filling his eardrums with suggestions, news, and information.   
"I need you to identify him."   
  
_"Your son is dead. He didn't suffer, he died immediately." __  
__"Did you know that your wife has signed papers stating that she didn't want to be kept on life support?" __  
__"You're gonna be a daddy, Max. I'm pregnant." __  
__"Your son is dead." __  
__"Your wife is...brain dead." __  
__"There are many people waiting for heart transplants..." __  
__"She will never wake up, Max." __  
__"We'll get through this. They're gonna be okay." __  
__"During operation, she suffered cardiac arrest, and she was...dead for eleven minutes." __  
__"She will never wake up." __  
__"Are you going to cut my wife open and take away her heart?" __  
__"Pregnant." __  
__"Your son is dead." __  
__"She will never wake up." __  
__"Never wake up." __  
__"Dead." __  
__"Brain dead." __  
__"Pregnant." __  
__"Dead." __  
__"Never wake up." __  
__"Never." __  
__"Never."_   
  
The man pulled away the cover. Max could feel the nausea rise in his throat.   
  
_"Never wake up." __  
__"Dead." __  
__"Dead."_   
  
"Is it your son?"   
  
It wasn't his son. It was, but still wasn't. It was only a body. A tarnished body, cleaned up, freed from blood at best ability. He reached out with his hand, wanting to touch him, but still hesitating.   
  
Then blue eyes stared into his and the breath froze in his throat. "Daddy…"   
  
  
Max bolted upwards in the bed, violently wrenched out of the dream. His heart was racing in his chest as he looked around himself frantically, trying to remove the image of his dead son's accusing eyes. His hand fumbled beside him on the night table to find the switch to the lamp.   
  
The light blinded him. His breathing was coming in short gasps and his T-shirt was clinging to his sweaty body. Tears were running down his cheeks as he reached for the phone. His first instinct was to call somebody. To talk to someone. He didn't think about the fact that it was three in the morning. He didn't think much about why he didn't dial the number to his sister that he knew by heart, but instead dialed the number on the piece of paper laying by the phone. Maybe his unconscious knew that what he needed right now was not to talk about what he had dreamt, but to forget it by talking about other things.   
"Hello?"   
  
He jumped at the foreign voice at the other end of the line, the voice catapulting him into a complete waking state.   
"Liz…" was all his voice managed to say. He could feel the dull thudding of a headache behind his skull bone. His hand, holding the receiver, was shaking violently.   
"Who are you?" The voice was hostile, but the need to speak to her won over the fear of hanging up.   
"Liz… is Liz there?"   
"Kevin, who is it?"   
"Liz…" he breathed at the sound of her voice in the background.   
"Listen. I don't know who you are, but it's three in the morning and some people are actually sleeping."   
"Please… It's Max. I need to speak to Liz."   
"Max. I know that name-"   
"Is it Max? Kevin, give me the phone."   
"What is he doing, calling you in the middle of the night?"   
"We'll talk about this later. I need to speak to him."   
"It's in the middle of the night, Liz."   
"I need to speak to him."   
There was a rustle and suddenly her voice was in his ear. Warm and concerned, but real and alive.   
  
"Max…"   
"Liz, I'm- I'm sorry to be calling you this late…"   
"No no, that's okay. Has something happened?"   
"I just needed to talk to someone. Can we talk?"   
"Of course. Hang on. I'm just gonna go into another room."   
"Thank you." He could already feel himself calming down, but the guilt his son's face had roused alive was still as raw as an open wound.   
"Okay, I'm out of the room."   
"I'm so sorry, Liz. I know that we don't know each other that well-"   
"Max, really, it's alright. You need someone to talk to. I'm glad you chose me."   
He closed his eyes and laid his head back on the pillow. "You are?"   
"Yes."   
"You wanna talk about it?"   
Her voice was so warm, so inviting and comforting. "I'm having troubles sleeping. Nightmares."   
"About your son?"   
  
He swallowed back the taste of bile in his mouth and nodded. She took his silence as an answer and continued.   
"Could you tell me about him?"   
"My son?"   
"Yes, what was his name?"   
"Joshua."   
"Joshua. That's beautiful. What was he like?"   
Max's hand relaxed around the receiver and his breathing began to return to normal as his thoughts started to turn from the dark place they had visited to bright memories.   
"He was a little shy, but you could see his mind working. He observed everything around him. Took it all in. He could be a real rug rat when he was at home, but he was an angel among others. He was two when Michelle was born. He was so excited to get a new playmate and he was a little disappointed when all she did was eat, sleep and cry. But he took care of her. He would protect her against anything."   
  
"What was his favorite thing to do?"   
"I don't know if it was his favorite thing, but I know that he loved it. On Sunday mornings we all had the day off. Josh always woke up early, and he would come into our bedroom and crawl down under the covers between Tess and me. We would lay there until noon. Just talking, reading stories, having breakfast in the bed."   
"That sounds perfect."   
"Yeah…"   
He could feel her hesitation at the other end of the line. "Liz…"   
"Yes?"   
"Could you tell me something? About you?"   
  
He could hear the smile in her voice when she answered, but he could also hear the nervousness. "Okay. There isn't really anything interesting to know about my life."   
"I don't believe that… Please, Liz. I need to hear something. I want to know more about you."   
"Well… When I was about five my mom and dad took Maria and I to Disney World in Florida. I had dreamt about it since I saw my first Disney movie at the age of three. It was like a dream come true. I was a very sick child, so I couldn't do everything there, but what I couldn't do, Maria did for me and then she told me about it. I made her describe every little detail, every feeling. It was the best day of my life."   
"I always wanted to go to Disney world when I was little. I never had the opportunity though."   
"Well, Max. Let's make a deal."   
A small smile tugged at his mouth at this. "What?"   
"Sometime I'll take you to Disney World. We'll go there together. Deal?"   
Max felt his heart fill with something. Something that had been missing for a long time. "Deal."   
  
"Great," she said softly and before she could stop herself she yawned.   
"I'm keeping you up," Max said.   
"That's okay," Liz said, but was instantly assailed with another yawn.   
"You should go back to sleep. Tell…uhm…Kevin that I'm sorry."   
"Yeah, about Kevin. He's…"   
"Don't say anything," Max said. "Let's take that another time."   
There was a pause filled with hesitation.   
"Okay."   
"Thank you, Liz."   
The words were filled with such meaning and emphasis that Liz's heart swelled and Max could hear the tears in her voice when she spoke, "I'm glad you called me."   
"So am I."   
"I hope you can go back to sleep."   
"I'll try…"   
"Good night, Max."   
"Good night, Liz."   
  
When Max hung up the phone he realized what that new feeling filling him was. Hope. Even though they had only talked about something as simple as Disney World, he believed that she was going to fulfill her promise. It gave him hope. But more importantly, it gave him a reason to wake up the next day. So, it wasn't with sleeping pills Max went to sleep that night. It was with Liz Parker's soft warm voice floating in his mind.

TBC…


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter 18**   
  
  
The first thing on her mind when she woke up was Max. Languidly, she stretched her tense limps and glanced at the clock on the nightstand. Ten a.m. She felt a weight on her legs and knew that she needed to get up. Kitty stretched her paws out in front of her and simultaneously yawned.   
"Morning Kitty. You hungry?"   
She smiled as she got a meow in response. Liz stifled a yawn and sat up in the bed. Looking to her right she noticed that Kevin's side of the bed was unmade. She frowned. That was unusual. Kevin was a habit-person. He had some very strict routines about everything and he close to never changed them. He always made his side of the bed, even if she was still sleeping at the other side.   
  
Liz left the warmth of the bed and stood up, pulling a robe over her body.   
"Come here, honey, let's find you something to eat."   
The cat was already out of the bedroom, strutting into the kitchen.   
Liz followed slowly, her mind filled with thoughts. Kevin must've been pretty upset about Max calling her in the middle of the night. She was already mentally preparing herself for hearing about it when he got back from work. But her main concern was about Max. She felt guilty, because it was probably because of her stupid question yesterday that he'd had that terrible nightmare about his son. She was still a little surprised that he had actually called her. There were so many else he could call. His sister, Michael, his parents… He probably had some other friends as well, or relatives. Why he had called her, someone he had only known for a couple of days, was beyond her.   
  
She took out a can of cat food from the refrigerator and lifted up Kitty's plate on the counter. She was just about to get a spoon when the phone rang. Kitty meowed in protest when Liz moved away to answer the phone.   
"Hang on just a sec, Kitty," Liz murmured, lifting the phone. "Hello?"   
"Hi, this is Isabel Whitman. Liz, is that you?"   
"Isabel, hi," Liz smiled. "This is a surprise."   
"How are you, Liz?"   
"I'm fine, thank you."   
"Good, good," Isabel said absently. "Liz, I need to talk to you about something."   
"Okay."   
"It's about my brother."   
Liz breath caught in her throat and she slowly lowered herself on one of the bar stools. "Has something happened?"   
"No, no, everything's fine," Isabel hurried to reassure. "It's just… There are some things you don't know about Max and his life."   
"You mean his son?"   
  
There was a pause and Liz realized that she had taken Isabel by surprise. "Yes… How did you… Has he told you?"   
"He told me about his son getting killed in a car accident two years ago."   
"He did?" The surprise in her voice couldn't be mistaken.   
"What happened to his wife, Isabel?"   
"She died in the same accident."   
"Oh my God," Liz closed her eyes at the sudden pang of pain in her heart for everything Max had gone through.   
"This is why I need you to stay away from him."   
Liz stopped breathing. Had Isabel just said what she thought she had? "What did you say?"   
"Michael told me about your heart condition."   
"He…How did he know that?"   
"I'm guessing from Maria. That's not the point. The point is that Max can't afford getting hurt again. He won't survive it."   
"Why do you think I will hurt him?"   
"Maybe not you personally, but you being sick will-"   
"I'm not sick anymore, Isabel. I had a transplant and now I'm fine…"   
"Michael told me you suffered artial fibrillation. That doesn't sound completely healthy to me."   
"I think you should let Max make his own decisions. He's a grown man. He can decide for himself if he wants to see me or not."   
  
"Have you told him? About your heart?"   
"There was never the right-"   
"You haven't."   
Liz swallowed. "No."   
"Then how do you expect him to make decisions on his own if he is not given all the information?"   
Liz sighed. "It's complicated…"   
"And Max really doesn't need any complications right now. He has a lot of problems. Problems he's not telling you about. He doesn't need someone to worry about right now. He needs to focus on getting himself better."   
"I'm gonna talk to him-"   
"No, Liz. I'll talk to him. If you really like my brother, then you leave him alone. I'm not saying that you should never see him again or that something isn't possible in the future, just not right now. Please, Liz. Stay away."   
"If I hadn't suffered from a bad heart, would you still have asked me to do this?" Liz asked.   
There was a pause and then came Isabel's honest answer, which pushed the knife inserted in Liz's heart even further in. "No, I probably wouldn't have."   
Liz closed her eyes and whispered, forcing the inner torture to stay out of her voice, "Okay. I'll stay away. But if he comes to me, I can't shut him out. I won't contact him, but I will not stop him from contacting me."   
"Liz…"   
Liz didn't want to hurt Max, that was the last thing she ever wanted to do, but she couldn't deny Max the right to contact her. Isabel might be able to make that decision for her brother, but Liz couldn't take that right away from him. She knew far too well how horrible it was to be taken away the ability to make your own decisions and she didn't wish that on even her worse enemy.   
  
Her voice was firm when she interrupted Isabel's plea. "Isabel, I understand that you only want to protect your brother, but this is as far as I will go. Maybe he needs someone who doesn't know his past to talk to when things get rough and I want to be there if he wants to talk."   
"You didn't see him when they died, Liz!" Isabel's voice rose with desperate frustration. "You didn't see what happened to him! I see it everyday. How he is slowly dying. His soul is deteriorating. I don't recognize my brother anymore. Since you have this condition, you are more likely to have something happening to you, and if he gets attached to you, I don't think he'll get through it again. He won't be able to go through a thing like that again."   
"I will meet you half-way, Isabel. But I can't just abandon him. I couldn't do that to him."   
There was a frustrated silence, which stretched so long that Liz began to wonder if Isabel had hung up.   
"Just don't contact him," Isabel finally said.   
"Okay," Liz agreed.   
"I'm sorry about this, Liz. I'm just looking out for my brother."   
Liz could feel tears stinging her eyes. "I know, Isabel. Goodbye."   
There was a hint of guilt in her voice when Isabel answered, "Goodbye."   
Liz hung up the phone and took a deep breath, trying to deny what she was feeling. She stroked Kitty's back and got a purr in response. Wiping a stray tear from her cheek, Liz rose and took the spoon with the intention to give Kitty some food.   
  
The spoon clattered against the counter as her hand dropped it and she sank down to her knees, sobs shaking her body. 

--------------------------------------------------------

  
  
Kevin unlocked the door and stepped inside. He frowned when he found all the lights turned off. "Liz?"   
His voice floated without response into the seemingly empty house. "Liz? Are you home?"   
The cat walked out of the room and he was close to trip over her. "Damn it, Kitty. Get out of the way!" He pushed the cat out of the way with his foot and switched on the light in the living room. "Liz?"   
Leaving the living room behind, he walked into the bedroom. Liz was sitting on the bed, the only light coming from the laptop perched on her lap.   
"Why don't you answer when I call for you?" Kevin asked. "And why are you sitting here in the dark? Is everything okay?"   
Liz turned to look at him for a few seconds, before returning her attention to the computer screen. "I like the darkness."   
"What kind of answer is that?" Kevin snorted and turned on the lamp. Liz bit her lower lip, to stop herself from saying anything and returned her attention to what she was writing.   
"I need to talk to you."   
Her eyes still focused on the screen, she asked, "What about?"   
"Max."   
  
She lifted her head and stared into the darkness. "I'm sorry about that, Kevin. He needed someone to talk to."   
"Doesn't he have any other 'friends'?" Kevin asked sarcastically.   
"He wanted to talk to me," Liz said evenly. "You don't have to bother about him anymore anyway."   
Kevin raised his eyebrows. "Really? Why's that?"   
Liz turned to look at him. "I guess we just don't fit together."   
"What does that mean?" Kevin looked at her angrily. "Did you kiss him?"   
Liz sighed. "No, Kevin. We didn't kiss. Do you really think I would cheat on you?"   
The silence that followed hurt more than any word ever could do. He raked his hand through his hair and walked up to the bed. When he spoke, Liz could hear that he wasn't completely sincere. "It's not that I don't trust you, Liz. It's _him_ I don't trust."   
Liz pressed the save-button on the computer and met his eyes. "You don't know him, Kevin. You haven't even met him. How can you just make an assumption about him like that? Besides, don't you trust me enough to keep him away? Don't you trust my judge of character? Do you really think that I would let him drive me home if I hadn't thought he was a good man? If I had suspected that he would in some way hurt me?"   
"That's not what I said," Kevin objected.   
"No, that's not what you said, Kevin. But that's what you meant."   
"Don't put words in my mouth, Liz."   
Liz sighed, closed the computer screen and put it away. "I'm so tired of this."   
"Of what, Liz?"   
"All we do is fight. All the time."   
  
"Maybe, if you wouldn't snap at me every time I ask you how you're feeling, we wouldn't always end up in a fight."   
"Oh, and you are just Mr. Perfect?"   
"You take everything so damn personally."   
"What?"   
"I'm trying to take care of you-"   
"That's the problem right there," Liz said through clenched teeth. "I don't need you to take care of me, Kevin. I have my parents for that. I'm so sick and tired of you trying to tell me what's best for me. I'm so tired of having to answer the question 'How are you?' three times a day. I'm tired of you telling me to take my pills. I don't want you to keep track of how much I eat or if I eat at all. Sometime, I just want to eat a bag of chips, without being scolded about it like a child. I'm fine, Kevin. I've been healthy for two years now. How many times do I have to tell you that?"   
"You can't blame me for wanting the best for you."   
"It's the same discussion all over again," Liz sighed. "I ask you not to fuss about me and you just tell me that you want to look out for me and you don't even try to change. I've changed, Kevin, and you can't understand that. I'm not the same person as I was before. I can do more things now. I don't need your help any longer. I need you to be there for me with your support and your presence. I don't need you to follow me around acting like a policeman and telling me every time I do something wrong. Do you know how exhausting that is?"   
  
Kevin looked at her sourly. "So, what are you saying?"   
Liz met his eyes, and without blinking she told him the truth. The truth she had denied him for several years, a truth she had even denied herself. "I don't love you anymore, Kevin. The person who once loved you is gone. I've changed and so have you. We have grown apart. I cannot go on living like this. I need space."   
Kevin looked at her in disbelief. "Are you breaking up with me?"   
Liz paused and reached out to take his hand. "Yes, Kev. I am. I don't care how we'll do this. We bought this house together, but if you want to live here, I'll leave. If you want to leave, I'll stay. It doesn't matter."   
"You can't be serious…"   
"I've been thinking about this for a while now, Kevin. It just isn't working."   
"You can't live alone," Kevin protested. "What if something happens-"   
"God!" Liz exclaimed and bolted up from the bed. "Kevin, I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself. But if it would give you some sense of peace, I'll ask Maria if I can move in with her-"   
"She has a new boyfriend, what if she wants to move in with hi-"   
"Kevin," Liz interrupted him. "That isn't your problem. I'll work it out."   
"You can't do this…"   
  
"Please don't make this any harder. This is the right thing to do. You might not see it now, but it is, Kevin. I don't love you. I don't want to continue with this pretend game any longer."   
"I love you, Liz. Please don't do this," Kevin pleaded. "I'll change. I promise."   
Liz closed her eyes, shaking her head slightly. "I know, Kevin. I just don't think it would make any difference. I want to continue to be your friend. I love you like a friend, Kevin, I'm just not in love with you anymore. And I don't think I'll ever fall in love with you again."   
"Did you have an affair with him?" Kevin asked, his eyes darkening with jealousy.   
"With Max? You got to be kidding me," Liz said tiredly. "This is just…" Liz lifted her hands in resignation and walked pass him.   
His hand on her arm stopped her. "Answer me, Liz!"   
Liz twirled around, irritation flaring in her eyes. "Of course I didn't have an affair with Max. This has nothing to do with Max. Don't try to push our problems over on someone I just met."   
"I want to meet him."   
"You're acting like a maniac, did you know that?"   
"I want to meet the man who talked you into doing this. He's gonna leave you, Liz. Your disease will scare him away. He can't take care of you."   
"I don't want him to," Liz said, wrenching open the door to the wardrobe and starting to pull out clothes.   
  
"No man wants a sick woman. He's gonna leave, mark my words!"   
"You don't know the first thing about him, and why do you assume that I will get together with him?"   
"It doesn't matter if it's him or someone else. Only I can take care of you the way you need to be taken care of."   
"Oh really," Liz said sarcastically. "Have you heard a word of what I've been saying?"   
"I… What are you doing?" Kevin watched Liz as she pulled out a suitcase and started to throw her clothes in it.   
"I'm staying over at Maria's tonight."   
"Liz, listen. This is ridiculous. Think about what you're doing. We have been together for five years. Doesn't that count for anything?"   
Liz snapped the locks closed on the suitcase and straightened up, meeting his eyes. "Of course it counts for something. You have helped me a lot, Kevin and you have meant a lot to me. You still do. This isn't the end, Kevin. I still want to be your friend. We just don't work as lovers anymore."   
"But Liz…" Kevin stared at her with a mixture of fear and confusion. Fear of losing her, confusion of what was happening right in front of him.   
"I'll see you tomorrow, Kevin." Liz put her arms around him and gave him a hug. "Goodbye."   
"Liz…"   
"We'll talk tomorrow," Liz promised and she was out of the door, leaving a stunned and confused ex-boyfriend behind.

TBC…


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter 19**   
  
  
Liz knocked on the door again, even though she by now had realized that there was nobody at home. She hauled up her cell phone from her pocket and dialed Maria's cell phone number. After a few signals, she heard Maria's voice. "Hi. This is Maria. I'm unable to take your call right now. Please leave a message after the beep and I'll get back to you."   
"Maria, this is Liz. I'm standing outside of your apartment right now. Where are you? Please call me when you get this message."   
Liz pressed the disconnect button and looked up at dark clouds. "Great," she mumbled to herself. She dialed the number to her parents. Two minutes later she hung up. No answer there either.   
"It's just typical that tonight when I need somewhere to stay, everybody has gone missing…"   
The cold wind got caught in her clothes and she shivered. If it was going to rain, it wouldn't be nice to be outside. Taking up her wallet and counting the humble amount of money, she only had one option. She wouldn't return to Kevin and she couldn't afford to rent a room. On top of that it just hit her that her parents were away on a second honeymoon. Her parents had been close to canceling the trip just because Liz had ended up in the hospital, but Liz had talked them out of it. They had planned that trip for too long.   
  
Seeing that she really didn't have any friends other than Maria, there was only one thing she could do. Call a taxi and go to Max and hope that he was home and would help her. She knew that she had promised Isabel not to contact Max in any way, but looking up at the menacing clouds, she didn't exactly want to stay out here when the rain drops started to fall. She still didn't have Max's number so she just had to take the chance that he was home. She waited another couple of minutes for Maria to call, but when she felt the first cold raindrops hit her forehead she called for a taxi. 

------------------------------------------------

  
  
Max was in the middle of correcting the last homework, when there was a knock at the door. He looked up at the clock on the wall. Noticing the late hour, he frowned. Who could that be? He put the pen down and rose from his chair, feeling the tension in his shoulders from the many hours spent sitting in the same position. He walked through the poorly lit house and looked out the window in the kitchen when he passed, where he could usually see when a person was standing on the doorstep. But it was too dark and the rain was pouring down, obscuring his vision.   
"Who is it?" he asked through the door.   
"It's Liz."   
To say that he was surprised would be an understatement. He quickly turned the key and opened the door. The rain was gushing down on her, her hair hanging in stripes around her pale face. "Liz?"   
"Hi..." she smiled in embarrassment. "I'm so sorry to come here like this at this hour-"   
"Come on inside," he interrupted. "You are all wet."   
She hesitated. "I don't know how to ask you this, but I got here in a taxi and I don't have enough money to pay for it. Could you…?"   
  
Max looked at her in confusion, wondering what had brought her here at ten p.m., without any money. "Of course. Come inside and I'll go and pay him."   
Max took his wallet and ran out into the rain. He was gone for a couple of seconds before he came running back.   
"We got to stop meeting like this," he said breathlessly, his hair already wet from the short trip.   
"Like what?" she wondered.   
Max looked up at the rain and raised a hinting eyebrow.   
Liz ducked her head in embarrassment and smiled softly. "Right. It hardly rains in New Mexico, but we really manage to meet the times it does…"   
"Let me get you a towel, you're freezing."   
"It's okay," Liz protested. She really didn't want to be of any trouble.   
"Maybe you want to change your clothes," Max glanced at her suitcase. It surely looked like she had planned on staying away for some time. What was she doing here? "Let me show you the bathroom."   
"Thanks. I'm really sorry for barging in here like this…"   
"That's okay," Max smiled. Even though her showing up was a little out of the blue, he was glad that she had shown up.   
Max stopped in front of one of the doors and pushed it open, switching on the lamp. "There you go."   
"Thank you," Liz said with gratitude, thanking him for so much more than just showing her the way to the bathroom.   
"You're welcome," Max smiled.   
Liz returned his smile and stepped into the bathroom, closing the door behind her.   
  
  
Five minutes later Liz stepped out of the bathroom. She followed the only light in the house into the kitchen. Max was standing by the oven. When he heard her steps behind him he turned around.   
"I hope you like hot chocolate."   
"You really didn't have to," Liz said, sitting down on a chair. She was exhausted. Max put down a cup in front of her with steaming hot chocolate and reading the fatigue on her face he said, "You look tired."   
She took up the cup with both her hands, letting the warmth warm her cold fingers.   
"It's been a long day," she answered.   
"What happened?" Max searched her face. She truly was beautiful. Even with her hair damp and tangled from the rain and her eyes slightly red, she was the most beautiful person he'd ever seen.   
She took a deep breath. "I didn't have anywhere else to go. I was at Maria's, but she wasn't there and she isn't answering her phone. My parents are out of town and… I'm really sorry for disturbing you; I just didn't know where to go. I had no money to rent a-"   
"Hey," Max said softly, putting his hand on her shaking arm. "It's okay. I don't mind having you here."   
She looked up at him hopefully, feeling the warmth of his hand spread up her arm. "It's stupid really. I broke up with my boyfriend."   
Max nodded understandingly, not quite comprehending the silent explosions of joy going off inside of him.   
  
"We had this fight and I didn't want to stay with him tonight. I was so angry with him that I didn't call Maria to see if she was home before I stormed out of the house. I had nowhere else to turn. I could go and stay at a hotel if you want, if you could…could lend me some money?" She looked utterly ashamed to ask him of such a thing and she hurried to add, "I will pay you back as soon as I can, I promise."   
Max shook his head. "No, please stay here. I have a guestroom you can borrow. You shouldn't have to go out in that rain anymore. If it's okay with you it's fine with me to have you here."   
"Are you sure?" There was disbelief written all over her face.   
"If you trust me enough to come to me in the middle of the night, someone you hardly know, I'd be honored to have you staying over," Max said, with a hint of tease in his voice.   
"I don't know how to thank you-"   
Max held up his hand to silence her. His soft, gentle and caring eyes made her warm inside. "Don't think about it." He rose from his place opposite her. "You want something to eat?"   
"I don't-"   
"Liz," Max admonished, "Are you hungry?"   
"Yes," she confessed.   
"Are sandwiches okay?"   
"Perfect," she smiled.   
"Sandwiches coming up," Max said and started to rummage around in the kitchen.   
Liz tucked her legs under her and sipped from her hot chocolate, occasionally asking if he wanted her to help. But her help was refused every time.   
  
Twenty minutes later Liz had eaten three sandwiches and was very contented. She couldn't believe what a great time she had with Max. They were talking and laughing with such ease as if they had known each other their whole lives. It was nearly midnight when they finally decided to go to bed. Max made the bed in the guestroom and took her on a quick tour of the second floor.   
  
"Here's a blanket if you get cold," Max said, pulling down a blanket from the top of the wardrobe.   
"Thanks," Liz smiled.   
"I'm just down the hall if you need anything." Max nervously shifted from one foot to the next and Liz just found him so cute standing there. Watching the soft light from the lamp on the night stand dance over his face, she was convinced that she had never seen a more beautiful man. His face was beautifully crafted, like a detailed sculpture. His features were strong and masculine, but the long, thick and dark lashes and the warm beautiful eyes gave softness to his face which caused butterflies to flutter in her stomach.   
"Thank you, Max," Liz said softly.   
"Good night, Liz," Max whispered.   
"Good night, Max," Liz answered and watched him soundlessly close the door behind him.   
  
She looked around the room and took a deep contented breath. What had looked like a catastrophe just a couple of hours ago had certainly turned out wonderfully. She looked around the room, finding it very hospitable. Old simple wooden furniture and white walls and curtains, and she couldn't help but wonder if it had been Max's wife who had decorated. It felt a little weird to be in Max's house. Not because it was Max's, but because he had lived here with his wife and child. They had been a family. Now the house was dark and there was a feeling of abandonment over it. Even though the guestroom was clean and there weren't layers and layers of dust everywhere, the atmosphere spoke of things unspoken. Max probably never walked in these rooms, except for cleaning. They were just there, not functional rooms, but just existing. A reminder of his old life, his old home. Liz found that horribly sad. It was like time was standing still here. Like it was neither moving forward or backwards, but not really waiting for something either. It had just stopped. And it felt like she was intruding.   
  
She pulled the comforter aside and curled down beneath the cold sheets. She thought about what Isabel had talked to her about. She wondered if Isabel had already told Max about her heart condition. Somehow, she didn't think so, because Max hadn't acted any different from how he used to act. She knew that she needed to tell him. Not because Isabel had told her so, but because she couldn't continue lying to Max. She had only known him a couple of days, but it felt like he was already a big part of her life. As if he would come to mean a lot to her in the future. She didn't know in which way yet, but she couldn't deny the attraction she felt towards him. She couldn't deny how her legs felt weak every time he looked at her with those amber eyes. She couldn't deny the flutters of her heart or the butterflies in her stomach. She had been in love with Kevin at the beginning, but it had never felt anything like this. With Kevin it had been more of a comforting feeling, more predictable. It was like the feeling had grown on her. She had been attracted to Kevin too, but she had certainly not felt like there had been stars exploding inside of her every time he just happened to touch her. She hadn't had any real feelings for Kevin until they had known each other a couple of months. She knew that he'd had feelings for her from the beginning, but that hadn't been the case for her. It was like she had grown into the role of being a girlfriend and then decided that she was in love. Not the other way around.   
  
Not like with Max.   
  
She felt free now. She had told Kevin the truth about what she felt and if he was just given some time to think about it, she hoped that he would come to the same conclusion that she had. They were better off apart. Today was really the first day of her new life and some part of her didn't want to start her new life by getting involved with someone new, but another part of her craved for real feelings. For true feelings. The ones she was sure Max could offer her if they just allowed it.   
  
What made her insecure was Max. What was he feeling? Maybe he didn't have the same feelings at all. He probably enjoyed her company, but it was a pretty vast distance from enjoying someone's company and being in love. Feeling the presence of his late wife and son around her, it was even clearer to her that she was intruding, and that Max wasn't ready to let go of the past just yet.   
  
And how would he react when she told him about her heart? 

------------------------------------------------------------

  
  
Agonized cries woke her up.   
  
It took her a couple of seconds to orient herself in the darkness, but gradually her memory returned to her and she remembered where she was. Suddenly awake she sat up in the bed, listening to hear if the cries had only been a part of her dream world or of the real world. Then she heard it again. Lonely, hollow, eerie screams of despair. She only hesitated the fraction of a second before swinging her legs over the side of the bed and crossing the floor to the door. Quietly, she opened the door and looked down the dark hall.   
  
His room was at the other end of the hall, but the door was left slightly ajar, letting the sounds of his tortured sleep drift out. She started to walk down the hall, coming to a stop outside his door. His cries had been reduced to whimpers, which felt like daggers through her heart. She hesitated, wondering if she should intrude and try to comfort him or just go back to her room and block him out. The decision was easy.   
  
Soundlessly, she slowly pushed the door open and walked inside. The light from a full moon cast its white light over the floor, illuminating his figure in the bed. She noticed the bottle on the night stand and two pills lying outside and she briefly wondered what medication he was on.   
"Max?" she whispered.   
There was no response. As she got closer she could see him shivering in the darkness. The comforter had been thrown to the side, revealing his bare chest. His head was thrown to the side and he was clutching a pillow with a tightly clenched fist. Quietly, she rounded the bed.   
"Max?" she repeated, a little louder.   
"No, no… dead, isn't dead," Max murmured.   
Liz bit her lip and her heart throbbed with sympathy. Her whole soul ached for the horrors he had been forced to go through. Carefully, she climbed onto the bed on her knees to get closer to him and tentatively reached out to touch him. When her hand contacted with his forehead, his upper body bolted upwards, almost knocking her over. She almost cried out in fright, but her cry was drowned when she met the haunted look in his eyes. He was staring straight at her for a second before his hands moved to cradle her face.   
"Tess," he whispered. His eyes were boring into hers. "Don't die. Please don't leave me."   
With tears streaming down her face, Liz fought to get any words out, "Max, it's me. Liz."   
There was a flash of recognition in his eyes, before they darkened with confusion. "Liz?"   
"Yes," she whispered.   
  
He took a deep shaky breath, his hands sliding down her cheeks, loosening their desperate hold. His unconscious touch sent shivers down her spine and caused goose bumps to spread over her skin. She pushed the feelings aside to concentrate on him.   
"Max…"   
He was taking deep breath with his head hanging low and his hands coming to a rest on her shoulders.   
He spoke as if he was trying to convince himself of something that was too unbelievable to comprehend. "She's dead… She's dead…"   
"Is there anything I can do?" Liz asked. She didn't know what to do. She didn't know what was happening. She wanted to help him, but she didn't know what would help and what would hurt.   
He looked up at her, with fresh tears rolling down his cheeks. Her breath hitched in her throat and she raised her hand to his face. There was a pause before her hand contacted with his cheek and she gently brushed his tears away with her thumb.   
"It's okay. I'm here," she whispered.   
He nodded, his eyes refusing to let go of hers, while the tears continued to fall down his cheeks.   
  
"I don't know what's happening," his voice broke and his head fell forward against her chest. She put her arms around him and cradled him close. Her hand ran soothingly through his hair, while his tears fell against the bare skin above the cleavage of her tank top. She whispered comforting words of nothing and everything, while his grip tightened around her waist and the damp surface of his cheek pressed against her collarbone. Holding him close, she rocked him, until he fell asleep. With her cheeks feeling dry and inelastic from her own tears she laid back on the bed, Max not loosening his grip on her even in his sleep. And with his head resting on her chest and his arm around her waist, Liz fell asleep.

TBC…


	20. Chapter 20

Hi!

Elementalmoon – Thank you so much for the feedback!!

**Chapter 20**   
  
Liz awoke to the sound of her cell phone ringing.   
Still groggy from sleep, she reached out to answer the phone. But instead of finding the familiar nightstand under her hand, her hand only contacted with softness. Slowly opening her eyes, she lifted her head slightly to look at the unfamiliar room. The cell rang again and she turned around to search for it. It was in her purse right by the bed, where she had put it last night. Her hand froze when it wrapped around the hard plastic.   
  
She was back in the guestroom. How did she end up here? She quite vividly remembered falling asleep in Max's bedroom, the experience of him breaking apart in her arms was hard too forget. She fumbled to find the connect button and put it to her ear. "Hello?"   
"Liz! Where are you? I called you the second I got your message, but I only get the busy tone on your home phone."   
"I'm…uhm…I'm at Max's."   
"You're what?!"   
Liz had to put some distance between the phone and her ear otherwise Maria would've caused some serious damage to her ear drum.   
"Maria-"   
"Did you spend the night there?"   
"Yes, but it's not what-"   
"Oh my God! Girl, when I said that you would break up with Kevin and just mildly insinuated that you would see some more of Max, I didn't mean that you would jump in the sack with-"   
"Maria, that's not what hap-"   
"What about Kevin, Liz? Are you really Liz? Because this doesn't sound at all like the Liz I know. She's should be at home right now, where she has been the last couple of years, just writing on her laptop, cuddling with Kitty the cat-"   
  
"Listen to me," Liz begged.   
"No Liz, you listen to me. This is serious. Are you having an affair with him? You are! You must be, since you can't have-"   
"I broke up with Kevin."   
"You did what?! Okay…" there was the sound of a loud exhalation "Okay, I think I need to sit down. This is all so… I can't believe this… What's happening to you, Liz? You know, I talked to Michael about this and he thought that you had changed. At first I didn't want to believe him. I was like, you don't even know what you're talking about, I've known this girl for ages and you've known her for like five minutes, but now…now he's actually starting to make some sense to me. And I'm not so sure that I like this change."   
Liz rubbed her forehead tiredly. She loved Maria of all her heart, but sometimes she was just too much. Especially this early in the morning. "You wanted me to break up with Kevin."   
"Yes, I did. But I didn't ask you to go and sleep with the first next thing that came along-"   
"Maria!" Liz cried, her upset tone putting an end to Maria's babble. Maria could rant all she wanted, but now she was going too far. "Don't you know me at all? I would never _ever_ do a thing like that."   
"I'm sorry, Liz. But if that's the case, what are you doing at Max's place? You barely know the guy."   
"I know enough to trust him."   
  
Maria sighed. "Yeah, yeah, whatever. Could you just tell me what you are doing there?"   
"I could've told you that ages ago if you just hadn't jumped to so many conclusions."   
"Well, you can't blame a girl for flipping out."   
Liz frowned. "Uhm…What?"   
"Yeah well, uhm, it doesn't matter anyway. So spill!"   
"Like I said, I broke up with Kevin, but he didn't get it-"   
"Typical," Maria murmured.   
Ignoring her comment, Liz continued, "So I wanted to give him some time alone to think. I thought it would be convenient to stay over at your place-"   
"But I wasn't home," Maria filled in, the mystery becoming clearer by the second.   
"I was already outside your door and it was starting to rain…"   
"And your parents are away this weekend."   
"Right."   
  
There was a rustle outside the door and Liz turned to see Max leaning against the doorframe. His was wearing soft pants and a T-shirt and his hair was wet.   
"Maria, hang on a second."   
"Is he there?"   
"Just hang on a sec." Liz put her hand over the speaker and smiled at Max.   
"Good morning," she said.   
"Good morning," he answered and nodded towards the cell phone. "Maria?"   
He looked really relaxed, Liz noted. Like he didn't have a worry in the world. As if he hadn't woken up screaming in the middle of the night. The light floated in from the bedroom window, outlining the contours of his upper body through the white thin shirt. The image from last night of his naked chest, the smooth skin and the well-defined muscles flashed through her mind and she blushed. He looked at her with amused confusion and she realized that he had asked her something. She looked at the phone in her hand like she had never seen it before and stuttered, "Yes. Yes."   
"There is some breakfast downstairs when you have…"   
"Thanks," Liz smiled and just as silently as he had appeared, he was gone.   
She stared at the empty doorway, her mind filling with unanswered questions, when the irritated voice of her best friend trying to re-establish contact reached her. She quickly put the phone to the ear, "Sorry Maria."   
  
"What happened? Did you just have a serious make-out session or something?"   
Liz sighed and rolled her eyes. "For the last time, Maria, there is nothing going on between Max and me."   
Maria snorted. "I'll believe that when I see it."   
Liz smiled despite herself.   
"So," Maria began, "That's how you ended up at Max's. And he just welcomed you with open arms?"   
"Pretty much," Liz said, not being able to stop herself from teasing Maria.   
"This is completely unbelievable. This is like so un-Liz like behavior it's scary. Has anything special happened? Didn't he wonder what you were doing there?"   
"He was a little surprised, you can say that."   
"I bet. What did you guys talk about? What happened? Tell me everything."   
"You don't want to hear anything about me breaking up with Kevin?" Liz mocked, even though she knew that Kevin was the furthest thing from Maria's brain right now.   
"Puhlease Liz," Maria said, "Don't get me wrong, I love Kevin like my brother, but he was starting to get on my nerves. I'm glad you dumped him. Now, 'nough said about that. Max. What happened?"   
Liz stifled a laugh. "We just talked."   
"Aha, aha," Maria said in her best I-know-that-you-are-really-insinuating-something-here tone. "What else, what else?"   
  
"Nothing, Maria," Liz said, exaggerating the innocence. It was fun to hear Maria squirm.   
"It was more than just 'nothing'. I can hear it in your voice, Liz!"   
"I'm getting really hungry," Liz said lightly, "I think I'll have to go and eat some breakfast."   
"What? No, Liz. You can't hang up now! You haven't told me all the details yet!"   
"There's nothing to tell," Liz smiled.   
"Don't do this to me!" Maria cried. "There's finally some drama in my best friend's love life and you are going to withhold the information?! That is just so mean!!"   
"Bye Maria."   
"No no no no," Maria begged.   
"I really have to go, Ria. But I promise that I'll call you the first thing something monumental happens."   
"Liz, as your best friend I'm entitled to hear about everything-"   
"I'll talk to you later."   
"Okay okay," Maria hurried. "Just call me later."   
"I promise," Liz said. "Bye."   
"Bye," Maria whined. "But Liz-"   
Liz laughed. "I'm hanging up. Thank you for calling."   
"Thank you for calling, what's that? Am I some kind of business acquaintance to you now?"   
"Bye," Liz said quickly and pressed the disconnect button before Maria could say another word.   
  
Liz pulled out a robe from her bag and put it on before heading down the stairs. Max was sitting at the table, writing on a piece of paper. Hearing her entrance, he looked up and their eyes met. Liz felt her cheeks get hot under his intense look and her legs grew weak.   
"Do you like pancakes?" Max asked, putting his pen down.   
"Sure," Liz smiled and shakily sat down on one of the chairs, wondering what was happening to her. What was Max doing to her with his mere presence?   
"You really don't have to do this," Liz said when he put a stack of pancakes on her plate.   
"I want to," he answered. "You are now my guest, Liz, and I always take care of my guests."   
This made her duck her head, focusing her gaze on cutting the pancakes with the side of her fork. They proceeded to eat in silence, until Liz couldn't stop herself from asking what had been on her mind since she had woken up.   
"Do you have them often? The nightmares?"   
Max looked up from his writing and when she saw his face pale, the guilt came crushing down and she hurried to undo the question, "No, forget it. You really don't have to answer. I have no right to pry-"   
"That's okay," Max said quietly. "After last night…"   
He looked away, staring out the window and Liz got a feeling that she had done something really wrong by bringing it up. Like it was something that should've been left unsaid and hidden in the darkness of the night.   
"Max, you really don't have to answer. Let's talk about something else..."   
Max looked back at her and she swallowed when the loneliness and sadness in his eyes hit her, causing the words to get stuck in her throat.   
  
"Every night," he whispered, his eyes not leaving hers. "Every night since they died."   
"Max…" she whispered, her voice breaking with the anguish of what her question had brought forward and the hell he had lived through, and still was going through. She reached across the table and her hand came to rest on top of his. His eyes moved from hers to their hands and he turned his hand so that their palms met, and slowly he laced their fingers together.   
He took a deep breath before looking up at her again. "I'm sorry about last night-"   
She silenced him by squeezing his hand. "Don't apologize, Max. You have nothing to apologize for."   
He nodded, but she could see the disbelief in his eyes. He didn't believe her. He saw himself as a burden, whilst Liz was wishing that there was something else she could do for him. If there were anything she could do to ease his pain.   
"How are you really feeling?"   
  
Max looked up at her at her question. Her eyes were pleading with him to tell the truth, pleading with him to let her see his pain so that she could help him. But he didn't want to put that load on her. He didn't want her too see the death inside of him. He didn't want her to see the darkness of his soul.   
"I'm getting by," he answered.   
Her grasp on his hand tightened and her eyes looked into his, so intently that he couldn't tear his eyes away. Her unspoken request for him to tell her hung heavily in the air.   
"I have to go," Max whispered.   
"Max…"   
Max vaguely gestured with his head towards the clock on the wall. "I have class. I have to go."   
His eyes landed on their entwined hands and with deep reluctance he started to pull his hand away from hers, feeling the warmth of her life power leave him. "I left some money for you on the living room table if you need money to get home…"   
"Max, I…"   
Slowly he looked up and saw the conflict in her eyes. She didn't know what to say.   
"I hope we'll meet again, Liz Parker," Max said, with a sad smile.   
Liz felt something tear in her heart and a dark feeling passed through her. She got the feeling that if she didn't say something right now, he would leave. Not just to go to work. He would disappear from her, mentally. His hand left her and with that something else left her. Her hand reached out and grasped his hand again. He looked down at her in surprise, stopping in the movement of rising from the chair.   
  
"No, Max."   
His expression of surprise changed into concern when he saw the veil of unshed tears shining in her eyes. "Liz?"   
"Could I… Could I stay here? Just for today. I need to speak to you."   
He turned his face away from her, afraid that what she wanted to talk to him about his dreams and his past. He didn't think he could do that.   
Liz saw the fear in his eyes before he turned away and her hand left his, her fingertips brushing electrically against the back of his hand before leaving it completely. "There's something I need to tell you."   
He looked at her, trying desperately to refuse her. Feeling that this was the last time he could refuse her. If he didn't do it now, she would break his resolve and that was something he feared. That would make him vulnerable and she would see what he really was: a withered, ugly shell covering a dead, dark soul.   
  
He swallowed. His mind was trying to form the negative response he knew he had to give her, but that wasn't what his lips formed. That wasn't what was voiced from his mouth. "Okay."   
She looked at him with hopeful eyes. "You sure?"   
He nodded and tried to swallow. "I'll be back around four. There is some food in the refrigerator and you can use the money I left for you if you want to. There is a spare key in the wardrobe beside the front door which you can use if you want to go outside."   
"Thank you," Liz spoke softly.   
He nodded, too emotional to speak and then he left the kitchen to go and change. Liz closed her eyes and let her head fall into her hands. What had she done? What had she done?   
  
TBC...


	21. Chapter 21

Hi!

I'm so sorry for leaving you hanging like this. It's just that if I don't get reminded (for instance by someone posting feedback ::hint:: ::hint::), I tend to forget… Sorry, my memory sucks sometimes. Well, most of the time actually…

Swetepi – I'm so happy to hear that you are able to find some of the joy of watching the show by reading my story! :D Welcome to this fic!!

Charisma4 – Girlfriend, you know I love your feedback. I won't ever be able to thank you enough for all the time you invest into leaving me such detailed feedback! Thank you!

Roswellgurlygirl15 – Thank you so much for the feedback!!!

Elementalmoon – Thank you so much for the feedback!!

Anyway, enough of me babbling.

Here's three new chapters…

**Chapter 21**   
  
  
"Hi Max."   
Max turned around towards the voice. "Oh, hi Madison."   
"How are you?"   
"I'm fine," Max answered guardedly. Everyone had asked him that today. Did he have a sign on his forehead saying that he needed their pity?   
The dark-haired woman bit her lip and looked at him worriedly. "Did something happen, Max?"   
"Why do you ask that?"   
"You seem different."   
He could always expect honesty from Madison. She didn't know the concept of sugar-coating.   
"I'm just a little tired," Max answered.   
She observed him through squinted eyes. "You look tired," she confirmed. "Why don't you skip the conference this afternoon and go home?"   
  
"I can't do that," Max objected. Then he would be home too early. Then he would have even less time to avoid confrontation with Liz. It was weird in a way, because he feared facing Liz again just as much as he wanted to see her. He longed to look into those dark eyes of hers and lose himself in the emotions there. But he also knew that when he met her again he could easily accidentally reveal something to her, something that could destroy her image of him and scare her away. The thought of her disappearing from his life terrified him.   
"I'll cover for you," Madison said. He jumped when she put a hand on his arm and she looked at him with surprise. "Max, you need to sleep. You cannot push yourself this hard. You have to rest."   
"I know," Max answered. "There is just so much I have to do."   
"Like what?" Madison inquired. He could tell from the tone of her voice that she knew just as well as he that there really wasn't that much he needed to do. When he didn't answer, Madison continued for him. "You have already done everything you need to do, Max. I know, because no one can work that hard without having finished everything."   
  
"I still have some planning to do," Max said, trying to sneak out of the trap Madison was setting up for him.   
"You have already planned everything six months ahead. Max, listen to me. This is serious. You're going to have a breakdown soon if you don't rest."   
Her compassionate eyes tried to capture his, but he looked away. Her compassion was smothering him and he felt the sudden need for air.   
"I'll think about it," he said. "I need to…"   
And before Madison had the chance to stop him, he had disappeared out through the door. She sighed and turned into the direction of her room, knowing that there wasn't anything else she could do for him right now. 

----------------------------------------------------

  
  
Max's steps were heavy when he walked up the graveled path to his front door. All day he had thought about what Liz wanted to tell him. Everything he could think about ended with the same ending. That she would say that she couldn't see him anymore and she would leave. His mind had tried to convince him that he should be relieved about her reaching that decision, so that he didn't have to, but his heart was being louder. He didn't want her to leave, which made it so much harder because he knew that he eventually needed to break the bonds.   
  
He hauled up his key from the pocket and unlocked the door. Slowly pushing the door open, the sound of the TV reached him. He untied his shoes and with a heavy heart walked towards the sound. He found her on the couch. Asleep.   
  
He stopped dead at the sight, his breath catching in his throat and his heart starting to beat erratically. The sight was disturbing but at the same time beautiful. She was curled up in one of the big armchairs, her knees resting against one side of the armrest and her head hanging resting loosely against the back of the armchair. He was immediately catapulted back to last night, when he had found her in his bed, with only a vague memory of what she was really doing there. The feeling of her soft skin under his cheek was forever imprinted in his mind as he had woken up with his head resting against her chest. Her arms had been wrapped around him and he had been filled with a strange feeling of safety. As if she would protect him against anything. It had been the image of his late wife flashing before his eyes, making him nauseous with guilt and shame, which had forced him to move her. She couldn't stay there, not in the same bed that he had shared with his wife. So he had cradled her in his arms and carried her back into the guestroom. In the two years he had slept alone in his bed, had he never felt as lonely as he did when he returned after moving her. The warmth of her still lingered in the bed and the soft fragrance of vanilla hung in the air.   
  
He shook the memories out of his mind by a shake of his head and quietly moved to pick up a blanket from the couch. He stopped in front of her, his eyes moving over her and the pain in him intensified. He didn't want to let go of Tess. He didn't want to forget. But when he looked at her, when he looked at Liz, he so desperately wanted to move on with his life. He unfolded the blanket and spread it out over her. Her sleepy voice startled him.   
"Max?"   
Her eyes blinked a couple of times before she opened them and lifted her head and focused on him. His heart skipped a beat and his breath got lost in his throat.   
"Hi."   
"You're home early."   
He swallowed. It sounded so right to hear her say 'home' like that. And that frightened him. "I skipped the conference."   
"Oh," she said and gave him a weak smile, which didn't meet her eyes. If he wasn't mistaken, she was just as nervous as he was. But what could she be nervous about? She was only going to tell him that she couldn't see him anymore, that she didn't want any strings attached to him and that she wished that she had never met him.   
  
Suddenly, the room felt suffocating and he looked away. He just realized that he couldn't do this. He couldn't hear what she was going to say. How had he ended up here, in the midst of the reality he had been so careful to avoid the last couple of years? He felt a sudden longing to return to the cocoon where he normally spent his life, separated from the rest of the world.   
"I didn't mean to wake you." His voice sounded deflated, even to his ears, and he could tell by the worried shift of emotions in Liz's eyes that she had noticed it too.   
"That's okay," she whispered and slowly straightened up into a sitting position.   
"Can I get you anything?" Max asked. For some reason, he felt the need to get out of there while he still had the chance. As if an impending disaster was waiting for one little false move to strike.   
She smiled softly. "You can sit down for a second."   
He could feel her eyes move over him as he was being torn between letting go and moving on.   
"Please."   
The soft plea was his undoing and he nodded, slowly lowering himself on the couch. He looked up to see Liz wet her lips. His heart was throbbing in his chest, the fear of what her fidgeting fingers meant. He met her eyes and forcefully willed every thought of resistance to the back of his head. He needed to listen to her now. She needed to tell him something and she had already helped him so much. He wanted to listen to her. He wanted to taste her words, feel them vibrate in the air against his lips. He wanted her soft velvet voice to grace his ears. He wanted the emotions in her voice to become absorbed by his body. He wanted them to drift into his system, into his blood. He wanted her every thought to nestle in every cell of his body. He wanted her essence to blossom in his heart.   
  
But his mind was strong. The memories of a life lived and killed in one heartbeat too vivid and too close. He wanted to push her away just as much as he wanted her closer.   
"Do you remember Disneyland?" Liz asked.   
Max could feel himself relaxing a little, but apprehension was still holding his mind and heart hostage, and he was still looking at how she was twirling the small ring around her pinkie with suspicion.   
  
Round and round. Back and forward.   
"Of course," Max answered, his voice betraying nothing of the mess of emotions inside of him. His mouth shifted into a half-smile as he thought about what the conversation about Disneyland truly had meant to him. "We went there sometimes."   
She smiled weakly, her fingers fidgeting nervously, and she let her eyes drop to the carpet. But not before Max was able to see the raw fear in her eyes.   
"Liz, what is it?"   
Suddenly he had this feeling that she wasn't about to tell him that she didn't want them to see each other ever again. That she wasn't nervous because she intended to tell him that she wasn't willing to invest anything with a man who was still living in the past. This was about something else.   
"Max," she looked up at him and her eyes met him one intense second, before she moved them to look at some point behind his head. "I need to tell you something."   
"Okay," his voice was barely a whisper when he answered her.   
"I want to be honest with you."   
  
He nodded mutely. She looked down at the ring she was turning around her pinkie, but she wasn't seeing the ring. She was seeing a past she hated as much as it was impossible for her to escape it.   
"I realize that this might be a little stupid, but I feel like…like… " she looked up to look him straight into his eyes, "We have only known each other for a couple of days. We have only met on three occasions before I came here. You should be a mere stranger to me." She paused and searched his face. He was waiting for what she was about to say. Would she confirm what his heart had already told him, or would she refute it all in a couple of words? "But you're not."   
Still, her reply surprised him. And he could do nothing but wordlessly stare at her when she continued to speak.   
"I feel things, Max. Things I've never felt before…" she rolled her eyes heavenwards "God, I sound ridiculous." But Max could see the veil of tears in her eyes, which strongly emphasized the sincerity of her words.   
Still too bruised with raw emotions to speak, Max speechlessly shook his head.   
"You have shared so much of yourself with me. About your wife and your child…"   
Max closed his eyes, feeling a blackness fall over him. This was it. This was when she would leave.   
"That's what makes this so much harder. The last thing I want to do is to cause you any harm. I already… I already care so much for you, Max. I don't want to lose you, but I have to tell you… I've been lying to you."   
Max nodded, still staring at her, memorizing her every word and putting it on replay over and over again in his head.   
"I told you that I couldn't go on any attractions when I was on Disneyland, because I was a sick child."   
Max nodded.   
"That's not the whole truth." Liz swallowed, not realizing that the sound of her heart beating erratically in her chest matched the throbbing of Max's.   
  
Liz took a deep breath, realizing that there was no turning back now. "I was born with a heart block. This basically means that I had a very sick heart." She inhaled shakily when she saw Max's face pale, but she just brushed a tear away from the corner of her eye before continuing. "Electrical impulses were unable to travel between the top and bottom chambers. I've had three heart attacks and had a pacemaker when I was twelve."   
She brushed another tear away. It was his expression that was making her cry. Somehow she knew that the shock and fear that was written all over his whitish face meant something really bad. He wasn't taking this well at all, which was confirming all the fears she'd had from the beginning about telling him.   
  
She didn't know what else to do but to continue talking. She needed to tell him everything now. The damage was already done. There was no way she could've known that the worst damage was still to be done.   
"The pacemaker worked perfectly, but I still needed to be careful and I didn't have the strength to do all the things others kids did. About four years ago, I started to feel sick when I ate and I started to lose weight. It took some time for the doctors to understand that it was connected with my heart, which they had believed they had solved with the pacemaker. My body was gradually shutting down. I couldn't walk, and doctors couldn't access my veins to give medication because the veins were narrowing."   
Max looked like he was about to be sick, but Liz couldn't stop. It was like a tidal wave of words had been released and there was nothing to stop it.   
"My boyfriend found me on the floor one day when he got home from work. I was unconscious. If he had arrived two minutes later I would've been dead. My heart, liver and kidney had failed. The clinical term was acute heart failure." Liz took a deep breath, her voice shaking some when she continued, "I was ready to die. I had been preparing for it all my life. Death has always walked beside me, so I was familiar with it. It didn't scare me. What hurt the most were all the things I would never be able to do. And then… Then the most amazing thing happened." She paused to search his face. But it wasn't telling him anything different than it had been from the second she'd told him that she had a sick heart.   
  
"I have a very rare composition of tissues and a rare blood type, which meant that finding me a heart transplant was considered close to impossible." She didn't notice how Max's hand tightened around the armrest of the couch, her face was locked on his face, which remained inscrutable.   
"Two years ago, when I was fighting for my life in the Intensive Care Unit, my doctor got the message that there was a heart that matched my heart tissues and had the same blood type."   
Max inhaled sharply, so sharply that an anguished whimper formed in his throat. Liz heart almost stopped as she witnessed tears pool in Max's eyes and the harsh sound of his erratic breathing filled her ears.   
"Max?" she whispered worriedly.   
He was still staring at her, tears slowly starting to roll down his deathly pale cheeks. Liz felt a chill go through her. It was like he wasn't looking at her, but through her.   
"Max?" her voice was broken by a sob.   
Max's breath was coming in short inhaled gasps and Liz, terrified, wondered if he was hyperventilating.   
"Max, please say something…. Are you okay? Are you alright?"   
His mouth opened, and his lips twitched and moved as if he was trying to form words, but the words were as lost as the look in his eyes. Liz rose from the armchair with the intention of calming him down, holding him, just anything to stop him from getting any worse.   
  
"Leave."   
His voice froze her legs to the spot. Before she had a chance to utter a single syllable, he spoke again, his voice a mixture of uncensored feelings. "Leave."   
"Max, please…"   
She didn't want to leave him alone. She didn't trust him to deal with himself on his own.   
"Leave." His voice was monotonous; still he was clearly ordering her.   
It felt as if time was standing still. If she hadn't been so focused on Max's reaction, she would have heard the harsh ticking of the old clock on the wall as it was slowly moving time forward, ticking off the seconds of the first real experience she had ever had. And it was slowly ticking towards the end. Barely controlling her feelings, she nodded and left.   
  
She turned in the hallway, and saw him slump back into the couch, burying his head in his hands. With tears streaming down her face, she left. But she only left the room, she couldn't leave the house. She couldn't leave him.   
  
  
  
TBC...


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter 22**   
  
  
Maria inserted the key into the lock, pushing the bag of groceries to her other arm, trying to balance it whilst opening the door.   
"Maria?"   
One of the bags fell to the floor when Maria jumped with a shriek. The familiar contours of her boyfriend materialized out of the shadows. He looked at the bag on the floor, abashed, with sorrow written all over his face. "Uhm…sorry."   
"God Michael! Are you trying to kill me?!"   
Before Michael could respond, Maria took a deep frustrated breath. "Well, don't just stand there. Pick up the bag."   
"Right, right," Michael said, crouching to pick up the bag.   
Maria stopped and looked at his hunched figure and frowned. "What are you doing sitting here in the dark?"   
Michael straightened up with the brown paper bag in his arms. Maria's irritation quickly changed into suspicion when certain aspects of Michael's behavior hit her. "Why are you like this?"   
Michael frowned. "Like what?"   
"All kind and stuff. Since when do you do something I tell you to do, like, immediately, without any argument?"   
Michael stared at her like she had just announced that she was the master of the universe. "I'm a nice guy."   
"Not like this," Maria said, unyielding.   
  
"What are you saying, Maria?" Michael asked defensively, his voice bearing a hint of irritation.   
Maria snatched the paper bag out of his arms and quickly walked into the kitchen, switching on the lamps as she entered. The canned goods in the bag slammed against the counter when she forcefully put down the groceries. She spun around, fire in her eyes.   
"What is it, Michael?"   
"Nothing," Michael answered. He was trying really hard to stubbornly hold her gaze when he answered, but his eyes had a will of their own. Maria didn't miss the betraying drifting of his eyes.   
"What did you do?"   
Michael's anger flared to life. "Why do you assume that I've done something?!"   
Maria's eye-brows rose challenging. "Then tell me why we're arguing right now?"   
"You started it!" Michael exclaimed.   
"Oh no. It was you who scared me half to death by sitting in the dark in my apartment instead of being at work, where you're _supposed_ to be right now. Something has happened, Michael. Don't you dare lie to me!"   
  
Michael stared at her hard, trying to come up with something to retaliate with. But the truth was that he _was_ here for a reason and something _had_ happened.   
Maria witnessed the guilt flash in his eyes and she felt how her stomach twisted. Suddenly the irritation was gone, quickly replaced by fear. "God, Michael. What did you do?"   
Michael looked at her for a long time, before slowly lowering himself on one of the wooden bar stools.   
"I think I've done something really…disastrous."   
Maria paled and let the weight of her body fell back against the counter. She had a bad feeling about this. She could already sense what this was about.   
"It's about Liz," she stated.   
He looked up at her and nodded mutely.   
"You told Max," Maria whispered.   
"No," Michael answered truthfully.   
Maria relaxed. Maybe it wasn't as bad as she feared. But Michael didn't her get too comfortable with the feeling of relief.   
"I told Isabel."   
  
"You what?" Maria whispered, too shocked to be able to find her voice.   
"I had to tell somebo-"   
Maria straightened up, her eyes burning. "You told Isabel?"   
"I wanted her to know. Max is her brother after all-"   
Maria forcefully shook her head. "How could you?! I told you that in confidence."   
Michael was automatically pushed back into defensive behavior. "You never said that you told me that in con-"   
"I shouldn't have to tell you, Michael! You should know! You knew that Liz hadn't told Max about her heart condition yet, so what gives you the right to spread the word to everyone around Max before he finds out-"   
"I have not spread it to everyone else-"   
"You told Isabel," Maria said coldly.   
"She's his sister. She has the right to know:"   
Maria's eyes narrowed. "The right? No, Michael. This is certainly not about what is fair and not. What _did_ you tell Isabel?"   
"That Liz had a heart condition."   
"And what did she say?"   
  
Michael's eyes dropped, but not before Maria could see the guilt haunting them.   
"Michael, what did she say?"   
With his eyes glued to his knees, he answered, "That we should prevent Liz from ever seeing Max again."   
Maria's chin dropped in disbelief. "You have _got_ to be kidding me! She said that?"   
Michael looked up at her defiantly. "Max has been through hell, okay? She's really worried that he's going to worry about Liz too much if he finds out. It's better if he doesn't have to be subjected to that problem."   
"Subjected to..:" Maria gasped, offended, "Problem? Liz is a problem?"   
Michael sighed. "I thought so too at the beginning, but when Isabel was voicing my thoughts, it just sounded wrong."   
Maria snorted. "Well, I'm relieved that you aren't as whacky as she is."   
"Don't beat down on her," Michael warned.   
"She is trying to keep my best friend-" Maria swallowed back tears of anger, "from ever feeling happiness. She is practically saying that Liz doesn't deserve to fall in love and have a normal life, just because the heart she was born with wasn't as good as others." Maria's fists clenched at her sides and she whispered through clenched teeth, "I actually liked her. But now… She's a manipulative bitc-"   
Michael shot up from his chair, grabbing her arm, "Hey! Stop that!"   
Maria's teary eyes stared into his, her eyes hard and her voice trembling with hurt when she spoke, "It's because of people like her that Liz isn't happy. Selfish people who-"   
"That's not fair," Michael said quietly. "You have to try to look at it from her perspective."   
"Oh really?" Maria said sarcastically. "So this is about her?"   
  
"Sit down, Maria," Michael said.   
Maria looked at him challenging. "Why should I?"   
Michael didn't answer, but looked at her steadily. After a staring contest that lasted a couple of seconds, Maria sat down with a resigned sigh.   
"Thank you," Michael said. "I need to tell you something, and then you might get a better understanding of why Isabel's reacting like she is."   
Maria just bit her lips together and mutely stared at some point at the wall behind Michael's head.   
"Max was married. He married five years ago. They had a son, and both his wife and son died in a car accident two years ago."   
"I know," Maria said, her voice trembling. Even though she was colorfully angry with Michael and Isabel right now, she couldn't stop the sympathy of what Max had been through to seep into her intended rejecting voice.   
Michael's eyes widened in surprise. "You know?"   
"Liz told me," Maria answered simply.   
"Where did she get that information?"   
"From Max," Maria answered matter-of-factly.   
"No…no… that can't be it," Michael shook his head in denial.   
Maria shifted her gaze to look at him, raising a questioning eyebrow. "No?"   
"Max wouldn't say that to someone that he just met. He is like Fort Knox. He doesn't let anyone know his secrets. He hasn't let anyone new in since the accident."   
  
"Doesn't that tell you something?"   
Michael met her eyes as she looked at him like she knew something he didn't.   
"Yes, it tells me that Isabel's right. Max is breaking down. He isn't caring about wh-"   
"_What?_" Maria shot up from the stool. "Isabel is as far from right as you can get! Don't you see it? Are you completely blind? You are so caught up in keeping Max 'safe' as you call it, that you're really fueling his insecurities and not encouraging him to live."   
"You don't know what you're talking about," Michael fumed.   
"Can it not be that Max told Liz because he cares about her? Because he wants something substantial with her? Something that lasts longer than just a few hours? A friendship, a partner, a lover, anything?"   
"I'm not saying that Isabel's right-"   
"Oh really? 'Cause it really sounds that way to me."   
"Max wouldn't be able to handle it if something happened to Liz-"   
"Maybe if you trusted in him to handle it and to make his own decisions about whether he wants to continue seeing Liz or not, it would be easier for him. As long as you, his closest friends, doubt his ability to recover and only want him to choose the safe choices in life, he isn't going to truly live any way. You could set him up with a 'safe' candidate. Someone who's been healthy all her life. Who only eats really nutritional stuff and always drives below the speed limit. But do you really think that this ensures that she won't step out onto the street one day and get hit by a car? And most importantly, does it really ensure that he will live happily ever after? Or should he take a chance and follow his heart? Maybe he will worry more because of Liz's heart, but at least he will feel alive."   
"Then why hasn't Liz told Max yet?"   
"Because she's scared. She's scared that he's going to push her away because of the same reasons that Isabel wants to push her away. She wants to be accepted for who she is, not who she was."   
  
"But you have to see it from Isabel's point of view. She's afraid that this will kill Max-"   
"This isn't about Isabel. It's not Isabel's life. Max is still her little brother, but he isn't four anymore. She can't be there and hold his hand every time he scrapes his knees. She should've let go a long time ago." Maria sighed. "She's suffocating him."   
"You don't even know her," Michael objected.   
"No, I don't," Maria said. "I can only draw conclusions from the little interaction between Max and her that I've seen during the Friday dinners, but it's loud and clear to me. Max isn't happy. And it's not because he is still grieving his wife. It's because he hasn't been given a reason yet to move on. Liz is that reason."   
  
Michael just stared at her. "Who are you and what have you done with my girlfriend?"   
"Huh?"   
"I'm always really careful when picking my girls. Blondes, long beautiful legs, and not much of a brain. I thought that I had made a wise choice, but now I'm wondering."   
Maria smiled despite herself. "Oh, I can assure you, Michael. I'm a natural blonde," she teased.   
Michael stepped up to her and wrapped his arms around her.   
"I'm mad at you for betraying my trust," Maria said against his ear.   
"I know," Michael murmured, feeling like a weight had been lifted from his heart. How had he been blessed with this woman? "How can I make it up to you?"   
Maria pulled out of his arms and looked at him seriously. "I want you to call Liz and tell her what you did and apologize." If it's not already too late…   
"Yes, mom," Michael saluted, which earned him a swat over the chest. This only made his grin even wider.   
"Don't think you'll get away that easily. Do you know my favorite food?"   
Michael groaned. "Don't make me cook!"   
"It's payback time," Maria winked.   
Michael moved towards the groceries bags with heavy legs.   
"And after dinner I expect dessert-"   
Michael groaned in protest.   
"-in the bedroom," Maria filled in.   
Michael's hands stopped mid-air and he stared at her, desire swiftly flashing into his eyes. "Seriously?" he asked hopefully.   
"If you are good," Maria answered.   
Let's just say that Michael had never cook that quickly before in his life.   
  
  
TBC...


	23. Chapter 23

**Chapter 23**   
  
  
Liz fell asleep to the sound of the TV, coming from the living room. She was sitting on the floor at the bottom of the stairs, her head resting heavily against the wall. She had sat down with the intention of waiting for him when he decided to come out.   
  
But he never did.   
  
She'd heard the TV being turned on and the volume being turned up. The sound had the broken sound of a home video recording and after a while she could hear Max's voice. It didn't take her long to figure out that he was watching a recording of his own wedding. Max and his bride's happy voices made Liz's heart cry out in sympathy. If the happiness she could sense by listening to the voices was any indication at all of the kind of marriage Max and Tess had, they had been very happy with each other.   
  
Liz fell asleep somewhere between the fifth and sixth replay. She woke up when she felt warmth surrounding her. Still half asleep she opened her eyes and saw him leaning over her.   
"You shouldn't sleep here," he whispered.   
She vaguely registered that the corridor was now dark and the sound from the TV was gone. The part of her brain that was somewhat awake was merely focused on his face, dimly noting the sorrow in his eyes and the haunting expression of numbness tracing his features.   
"I'm sorry," she mumbled.   
Her eyes closed again and she was fully asleep when she felt his arms tentatively move around her and she felt how she was lifted from the stair case. She heard him whisper close to her ear, his warm breath caressing her cheek, whispering that he was just going to put her in her bed. She snuggled up in his warm embrace with the vague feeling of being carried. She was asleep before Max had reached the top of the stairs.   
  
  
The next time she woke up, she was struck with two things which didn't make any sense to her. One; she was sleeping in a bed, even though she was very convinced that she hadn't gone to sleep in a bed, and two; it was still dark, so it couldn't be morning yet. She turned her head and buried her face in the pillow, trying to go back to sleep. But for some reason she was wide awake.   
  
So when she saw the contours of a man in the shadows she was the fraction of a second away from crying out. But then she saw who it was.   
"Max?" she whispered.   
She could see the contours moving as he lifted his hand towards her, but she couldn't see his face. It was hidden in the dark obscuring shadows.   
"Max? What…"   
"Her name was Tess."   
His voice was soft and quiet, but it could just as well have been shouted while shaking her; it had the same effect. The functions in her body momentarily stilled and she waited. Waited for him to continue, since she couldn't think of anything to say. Her brain had turned into mush.   
"I didn't even like her at first," Max continued. "She moved to our town when I was sixteen and at first I thought she was really annoying. She seemed nonchalant and dismissive. But it was only a façade. The vibrant fingerprint of her personality wasn't. She was always so full of life. She made everything seem so easy. She danced through life; every obstacle was handled with laughter." He paused and Liz realized that she had forgotten to breathe. "She could really infuriate me. I thought she was playing with people. But I was mistaken…"   
Liz swallowed and finally found her voice. "Max, you don't have to-"   
"Yes, I do," Max answered quietly.   
  
She became even more aware of her racing heart when he rose from the chair and stood up. It was a dark night. The moon wasn't showing its countenance tonight and there were no lamp posts outside the window to lessen the darkness. But her eyes were gradually getting used to the darkness and she had no problem to see him as he stopped by the window, his back turned against her.   
"I need to tell you," he said. "I need to tell you why I reacted the way I did. I shouldn't have done-"   
Liz started to shake her head, even though he couldn't see it, "No, Max. I shouldn't have intruded on you like this. I should've left. I never should've come here-"   
"You did nothing wrong," Max interrupted, his eyes still staring unseeingly out the window.   
"I lied to you," Liz said, scooting up into sitting position, pulling the comforter with her to protect her shivering body from the chilly air.   
"I can understand why," Max said.   
"But…" Liz voice trailed off in surprised confusion. Why wasn't he more upset? She had lied to him for days.   
"Why did you do it?" He turned towards her then and she could dimly see his eyes in the poor light.   
"I…I…" Liz stuttered.   
  
Max inhaled deeply and raked his fingers through his hair. He hesitated before sitting down on the side of the bed, two inches from her feet tucked under the comforter. She could see him clearly now. She could see the anguish on his face. She could see his loneliness, his desperation, his fear, his panic, his sorrow, his guilt; everything seamlessly mixed up in a painful mixture of emotions.   
"Why Liz?" he asked again, meeting her eyes.   
"I wanted you to see me for who I am, not my disease. For once, I wanted someone to see _me_. I wanted to be treated like anyone else. I needed to know if someone could love me for me. Not out of pity. I didn't want you to run away. I didn't want you to be concerned about me if you stayed."   
A helpless tear tumbled down her cheek, caught in his gaze. He nodded, while his eyes followed the downfall of the tear.   
"It was a drunk driver," Max whispered, watching Liz's hand brush the tear away before lifting his eyes to hers again. "Tess and Josh are gone, dead, because some idiot decided to drive drunk. They told me that…that Josh died immediately." He had to push the words out over his lips. Words that had never been spoken, thoughts that had never been voiced. They were buried so deep inside of his mind making it so much harder to find them. He could feel a bitter taste in his mouth, could feel the nausea overwhelm him when his thoughts went places, visited memories, where he never went in a conscious state.   
  
"Tess lived… But she wasn't the-," Max took a deep breath, struggling to remain in control, "She wasn't there. Brain dead. She was brain dead."   
Liz's heart hurt when she watched him struggle with the painful words and his emotions. She couldn't even imagine how it would be like to lose someone; to live with the pain that Max was living with every day since the accident. She had always been on the other side of the spectrum. She had been the one almost dying and she had been prepared to die. She had never been in the situation her parents had been when they had watched their baby girl languish away, knowing that she would die. Brushing away another tear she reached out and searched in the darkness for his hand. He jumped when her hand made tentative contact with his, but he quickly recuperated and he pulled her smaller hand into his, holding it tightly.   
"Just like you, she had a rare blood type," Max continued.   
Liz nodded, letting Max continue when he felt ready.   
"The doctor told me that there was someone waiting for her heart. Her heart was perfectly fine and she could give someone else life by donating it."   
"Oh my God…" Liz whispered, when the magnitude of the emotions her earlier words must have triggered became clear to her.   
"It was the hardest decision I've ever done. I wanted… I wanted…" Max lowered his head and started taking deep breaths.   
"It's okay, it's okay," Liz said, her tears flowing freely down her cheeks now, crying for Max's pain and every tear he hadn't cried since everything had been ripped away from him.   
  
Max's eyes looked up into hers and it took every last piece of control inside of her not to turn away and crawl up into a ball and cry her heart out at the look in his eyes.   
"I wanted her to live. I wanted her to come back. I couldn't let them…c-cut in her, because then she would never come back again. Never…"   
His head lowered again and she could see the internal battle he was having with himself in his every miniscule gesture. She hesitated only a few seconds, before reaching her decision. Scooting closer to him and pulling her legs to the side, making it possible for her upper body to come closer to his, she put her arms around him and pulled him close. He was stiff in her arms at first, but she only tightened her grip on him and her hand consolingly threaded through his hair. Gradually, he relaxed in her arms and his arms moved around her. When she felt the weight of his head on her shoulder and the warmth of his breath against her neck her eyes closed and her hold automatically tightened.   
  
"I agreed to donate her heart," Max whispered.   
Liz sniffled and nodded against his shoulder.   
"She died on Valentine's Day."   
Liz felt the air froze inside of her, freezing her blood. Valentine's Day.   
"Max, how long ago did Tess and Josh die?" She already knew the answer, because he had mentioned it before, but she had to be sure.   
"Two years ago," Max answered, his voice muffled in her shirt.   
She slowly released the grip on him and moved away. Max looked up at her with confusion at the sudden shift in the surroundings.   
"What?" he asked, his eyes searching hers. She was staring at him with a look that made a sinking feeling begin its process in his body.   
"I'm really sorry to have to ask you this," Liz said quietly, "But do you remember at what time they took her to operation and…removed her heart?"   
Max blinked. "Liz, what…?"   
"Do you remember the time?" Liz asked again, her voice more persistent.   
"About 2 p.m.," Max answered.   
Liz hand flew up to her mouth, only partly drowning the gasp which escaped her lips.   
"Liz?"   
There was insecurity in his eyes now. And concern. Confusion and fear.   
"I think… I think… that I was the recipient."   
  
  
And it's to be continued... ;-)  
  
Take care everyone!!   
  
*hugs*


	24. Chapter 24

Hi everyone!

I hope you're having a great weekend! Here's my contribution to it.

**Roswellgurlygirl15, Natz, jazzypunker, elementalmoon, Charisma**

Thank you _SO_ much for leaving feedback!!!

  
Here's two new parts…

_Though I've tried I've fallen __  
__I have sunk so low __  
__I messed up __  
__Better I should know __  
__So don't come round here and __  
__Tell me I told you so __  
  
__We all begin out with good intent __  
__When love is raw and young __  
__We believe that we can change ourselves __  
__The past can be undone __  
__But we carry on our back the burdens time always reveals __  
__In the lonely light of morning __  
__In the wound that would not heal __  
__It's the better taste of losing everything __  
__I've held so dear __  
  
__Excerpt from "Fallen" by Sarah McLachlan_   
  
  
  
**From Chapter 23…**   
  
"I'm really sorry to have to ask you this," Liz said quietly, "But do you remember at what time they took her to operation and…removed her heart?"   
Max blinked. "Liz, what…?"   
"Do you remember the time?" Liz asked again, her voice more persistent.   
"About 2 p.m.," Max answered.   
Liz hand flew up to her mouth, only partly drowning the gasp which escaped her lips.   
"Liz?"   
There was insecurity in his eyes now. And concern. Confusion and fear.   
"I think… I think… that I was the recipient."   
  
  
  
  
**Chapter 24**   
  
  
She had never thought silence could be so deafening, or that eyes could see so much, and yet clearly process nothing. His eyes bore into hers, digging their way into her mind and her heart. There was no escape now. There was still many things unspoken between them, the pregnant silence was only scratching the surface of what was left to say, but the most important things had been revealed. Now it was up to them, up to him, what to do with that information. Would he run? Would he deny it? Would he show understanding?   
  
"Are you sure?" he whispered, his voice so thin and light it was almost lost in the air between them.   
She swallowed. "No, I'm not sure. But not too many heart transplants are made…and she had a rare blood type too…. thus increasing the likeliness that I'm…that Tess…that your wife-"   
His quiet nod silenced her.   
"What…what are we going to do?" Liz couldn't think of anything else to ask. She was just as shocked as he was. There was a big possibility that it was Tess' heart beating inside of her. That she was alive because Tess had died. She had of course always been aware of the fact that someone had died in order to give her life, but this was just too…   
"This is just a little…bizarre," Max whispered.   
She smiled weakly. "Understatement."   
He shook his head in confusion, but the anguish in his face had eased, which calmed Liz some. "I don't know what to feel about this. I… I miss Tess and if there had been something that I could do to have her here beside me right now, I would've. But there was nothing I could do. She would be hooked up to a respirator, not able to breathe on her own and never…never waking up again." He looked up and met her eyes and swallowed. There was prominent guilt in his eyes and Liz had a feeling that his present feelings were making him feel guilty about something. "But…if I had waited. If I had told the doctors to keep her alive, you would've…you would've died…."   
The last word was barely audible and he dropped his eyes. He gave a startle when he felt her small hand under his chin, gently forcing his face upwards to look at her.   
  
"Thank you, Max," she whispered. "Thank you." She inhaled shakily and she was sobbing when she continued. "I'm so sorry that your wife died. I'm so sorry that you lost your little boy." The first tears in two years began to form in Max's tears as his eyes were transfixed on Liz's face.   
She fruitlessly brushed some tears away, but they kept running, "I'm so sorry you lost your family. But I can't help but be happy that you decided to let go of her that day. Even if I think that… I think that you're still holding onto her, you made the decision that day to give her heart to someone. And because of that I'm alive now. And for some reason we have met." She inhaled shakily and the tears came faster when she watched fresh tears spill down Max's cheeks. "I'm so happy that we met, Max. Because I…I…"   
A stone fell from Max's heart. Suddenly everything seemed lighter. The magnitude of what his decision had meant had never really hit him until now. Until he had the woman who was living because of it right in front of him.   
Max smiled through the tears, "Tess always did have to have the last word."   
Liz gave a teary laugh.   
"Don't cry," Max whispered, his hands moving up to brush her tears away.   
"I'm so sad and happy at the same time," Liz tried to explain.   
Max gave her a sad smile. "Me too." He pulled her close, wrapping her into his strong arms, feeling that his life had begun again as strongly as he could feel her warm body in his embrace.   
"Me too," he repeated.   
  
_To fall so deep into you __  
__Lose myself completely __  
__In your sweet embrace __  
__All my pain's erased __  
  
__Excerpt from "Train Wreck" by Sarah McLachlan_   
  


-----------------------------------------------------------

  
  
_The next day_   
  
  
"Michael just called," Alex sat down opposite his wife at the kitchen table.   
"Uh huh," Isabel said, trying her best to sound casual.   
"Iz, honey, when are you going to stop doing this?"   
Isabel looked up innocently, "Stop doing what?"   
"Treat Max like a child."   
Isabel's eyes darkened and her body went rigid with the sudden need to defend herself.   
"I'm _not_ treating him like a child. Don't be ridiculous, Alex."   
Alex lifted the coffee can and started to fill his cup. "Aha, so what's this about making his decisions for him?"   
"I don't know what you're talking about."   
"Liz. I'm talking about Liz Parker. The sweet woman who evidently caught Max's interest from the second he laid eyes on her. The same woman who helped us find Michelle that day at the mall, remember?"   
"Of course I remember." Isabel lowered her eyes to the newspaper on the table. "I don't forget a thing like that. Did Michael tell you that she is sick?"   
  
"So what? Why should that make any difference?"   
Isabel's eyes flew up to his, irritation flaring wildly, "It makes all the difference. Why can't anyone see it? Is everyone living in a romantic fairytale? Liz could die any day… What about the people she leaves behind? What about Max? It will destroy him. I know my brother, Alex. He can't go through that all over again. You said it yourself; Max loves completely. It's all or nothing. Doesn't anyone see what a disaster a relationship with a person suffering from a sick heart would mean?"   
"I understand your point-"   
"No, you don't," Isabel snapped.   
Alex reached out with his hand across the table and caught hers. "Yes, I do. But you cannot prevent bad things from happening. You cannot protect your brother from everything."   
Tears welled up in Isabel's eyes and she murmured, "It's my fault he's suffering now."   
"Excuse me?" Alex frowned. Had she really said what he thought she had?   
A tear tumbled down Isabel's cheek, quickly followed by another. "Tess was my friend. I introduced her to Max. I helped them get together. I pushed them together. If it hadn't been for me Max would have just continued to be annoyed by her."   
"They were in love, Isabel."   
"But if I hadn't pushed it, they might not have found each other and-"   
  
"Isabel, you're being completely irrational. Do you really think that you can stop someone from falling in love? If it's meant to be, it will happen, Iz, and you can't prevent it. Neither can you be responsible for what happens. Everything in life's a risk and if you don't take some your life isn't worth anything."   
The tears were now streaming down Isabel's cheeks and frustrated she whispered brokenly, "Why did she have to have a heart disease? I really liked her. I could even see her as a potential friend."   
"Does it have to be perfect to be right?" Alex asked.   
Isabel looked at him wordlessly and opened her mouth to answer, when her efforts were cut off by Michelle's small body, yet harboring a strong voice, stumbling into their surroundings.   
"Mommy! Mommy!"   
  
Isabel quickly brushed the tears off her cheeks and forced herself to smile at Michelle as she came running into the kitchen. Michelle reached out with her arms and Isabel took the hint and lifted her up on her lap.   
"Yes, pumpkin?"   
"Can I have a puppy?"   
Her innocent and sparkling eyes looked at her hopefully and Isabel looked over her daughter's head on Alex.   
Alex raised his eyebrows in amusement. "Well, it's better than the pony she wanted last week."   
"Alex!" Isabel scolded.   
"Mommy, pweeaasee!"   
"Honey, we've already had this conversation. You can't have an animal until you're old enough to take care of it on your own."   
Michelle's face fell   
"But I can make peanut buttew and jelly sandwhises for him."   
Isabel fought to bit back her laughter.   
"Well, puppies don't eat the same thing as we do. They like meat more than peanutbutter."   
"I's can give him my sosages," her nose scrunched up, "I's don' like sosages."   
Isabel smiled, tenderly smothering Michelle's morning hair.   
"Yes, dogs like sausages, but you have to take him out for walks and you have to spend a lot of time with him."   
  
Michelle's eyes brightened when she came up with an idea.   
"I's can put him in Michelle's doll carrich and he can come wif me to Sarah."   
Isabel gave Alex a scolding look when he chuckled. He wasn't making it any easier for her to remain serious.   
"Dogs have to walk on their own, pumpkin. They don't like to lie in a carriage."   
"But…" Michelle pouted, "I's want a puppy!"   
"Michelle, let's try again tomorrow, okay," Alex said, winking at Isabel when she gave him a deadly glare, "Maybe your mother will have gotten used to the idea then."   
Michelle's face brightened again and she hopped down from Isabel's lap. "'Kay!"   
Isabel was just about to make sure that Alex knew what he had coming when Michelle poked her head back into the kitchen.   
"How long is 'til 'morrow?"   
"You have to go and sleep one time before it's tomorrow," Alex answered.   
"Ohhh," Michelle groaned in impatience. Then she shone up again. "Den I's go to sleep now."   
"Oh no you don't," Isabel cried out.   
  
Michelle turned to her with an expression of disappointment and confusion.   
Isabel rose from the chair. "We are going to Uncle Max today. We have to get you ready."   
Alex smiled when he picked up the newspaper.   
"And don't think I'm finished with you," Isabel whispered to him when she passed him. Alex smile faltered. Oops, maybe he shouldn't have pushed that much. 

-----------------------------------------------------------

  
  
It wasn't the sun shining through the windows that woke her up. It wasn't an alarm clock or her cell phone ringing. It was a tapping sound, getting increasingly louder. With a quiet groan she opened her eyes. She felt the bed shift beside her and turned her head to the side. Spread out next to her was Max. They were both lying on the bed in Max's bedroom. Liz with her legs pulled up towards her chest and Max across the diagonal of the double bed.   
"Max..." she mumbled.   
He was slowly waking up as well, slowly becoming aware of the same tapping sound.   
"What is that sound?" Liz asked, squinting in the bright morning light.   
The tapping sound ended, to be replaced by another sound, slowly decreasing in sound.   
"Max, wake up," Liz tried.   
Max opened one eye and peeked at her. He frowned in the light and closed his eye again.   
"Max…"   
Liz pulled herself up into sitting position and her eyes snapped to the door when the sound was getting louder again.   
That's when Max snapped his eyes open and sat up quickly.   
"What time is it?" he asked.   
Confused, she looked at her arm-watch. "Nine."   
"Shit," Max breathed.   
"What is it?" Liz asked.   
"I was going to-"   
He didn't had the chance to say anymore when the door opened and the person responsible for making the quick tapping sounds with her small shoes revealed herself. The little girl frowned and bit her lower lip when her eyes took in the picture.   
"Michelle? Where did you go? Have you found…" Isabel showed up in the doorway, "…Max yet…"   
  
Max gave her a lopsided smile. "Hi Isabel."   
"Mommy, it's Liz!!" Michelle exclaimed excited, recuperating much quicker than her dumbfounded mother.   
"Hi Michelle," Max said.   
"Uncle Max," Michelle said, "What's Liz doin' here?"   
"Uhm…" Max began, scratching behind his ear.   
Liz smiled at him before returning her attention to Michelle. She tried to ignore the looks Isabel was giving her and instead patted the comforter under her.   
"Hi Michelle. Can I get a hug?"   
Michelle bit her lip shyly.   
"Please," Liz tried, holding back a smile.   
"'Kay," Michelle agreed and hopped up on the bed, crawling into Liz's arms.   
Liz closed her eyes when she felt Michelle's small arm around her waist. Everything seemed different now after what Max and she had talked about before. Josh had been Michelle's age when he had died. He had been just as small and just as innocent.   
Max's chest tightened when he watched Liz hug Michelle. Somehow he could imagine what she felt. For some reason he thought that she was seeing it through his eyes, feeling what he felt every time he hugged Michelle.   
"Max, can I speak to you." Isabel's resolute voice forced his eyes away from Liz and to his very displeased sister.   
"Uhm…sure," Max answered and looked at Liz to ask her if she was okay with them leaving.   
"We'll be fine," Liz answered and smiled at him, before he even had the chance to voice his question. "Won't we, Michelle?"   
Michelle crawled off Liz's lap and nodded with a big smile. "Yep."   
  
  
It was with great reluctance that Max left the bed and followed his sister out in the corridor. Isabel shut the door behind them and turned towards Max, her face red with anger.   
Pointing at the closed door, she hissed, "What the hell is she doing here?"   
"Isabel, it's not what you think. She only spent the night-"   
"Well, then it's exactly what I think," Isabel said, her fists clenching tighter at the sides of her body.   
"She had nowhere to go. She needed some place to stay," Max continued.   
"Oh," Isabel exclaimed sarcastically, "And you just took her in out of the goodness of your heart?"   
"Yes," Max answered simply. "Don't you know me at all, Iz? I wouldn't sl… I wouldn't…"   
"And you actually believed what she was telling you? What exactly _was_ she telling you?"   
"She broke up with her boyfriend and was planning to go to Maria's, but Maria wasn't home and her parents are away on a second honeymoon. She didn't have that much money with her."   
"How convenient," Isabel snorted.   
"Why are you like this?" Max said irritated.   
"Why am I- Max! She's still a stranger! You don't invite strange people into your home."   
"She's not a stranger, Isabel," Max said seriously.   
Isabel blinked and a feeling of complete helplessness started to spread inside of her when she saw the look in his eyes.   
  
"Oh my God… You're falling in love with her."   
To her surprise, Max paled and took a step back. "No, I'm not. But we are friends and friends help each other out."   
"Then why were you sleeping in the same bed if you are just friends?"   
Max bit his lip to control the anger quickly ignited in him. "I don't have to defend myself. This is my house, Isabel, I'm an adult and I can do whatever I want."   
"Stop acting like a stupid baby," Isabel hissed. "I know that you are still hurting, but please don't bury that pain with sex."   
Max groaned and lowered his voice, "We did not have sex, Isabel. We are both fully clothed. We were up late talking last night and we feel asleep."   
"Uh huh," Isabel said, not believing him. "Max, there's something I have to tell you."   
Max sighed and leaned back against the wall. "What is it, Iz?" He just wanted to go back into the guestroom and spend time in the presence of Liz and Michelle.   
  
Isabel lowered her voice, careful not to let anything sip through the cracks in the door to the bedroom. "Liz has a heart disease, Max."   
Max's only response was to slightly lift his eye-brows.   
Isabel frowned at his reaction. "She almost died. She had a transplant, Max."   
Isabel searched Max's face. It was as blank as a window plane.   
"She's sick, Max," she emphasized.   
"Okay," Max answered evenly.   
"Okay?" Isabel's teeth clenched in anger. "That's all you have to say? 'Okay'?!"   
Max took three steps closer to Isabel, so that he was looking her directly in the eyes. "Isabel, Liz is the most incredible person I've met in a long time and I'm not willing to let her go. She already told me about her condition, but she also told me that she isn't sick anymore. Her new heart is as good as mine or yours. The only difference between you and her is that she has to take medicine to prevent her body from rejecting the heart. If her past matters so much, then what does that make me? If my past mattered, I would never find someone again. Liz doesn't care about that." Max swallowed at the emotions starting to bubble inside of him at the thought of how Liz had unconditionally helped him, supported him, from the second they first met in the mall. "I want to be there for her like she has been there for me the last couple of days."   
Isabel stared at him, her mouth hanging open in shock.   
"Max…" she whispered, her voice hoarse, "She can still die."   
"So can anyone," Max answered. "If there's one thing Tess and Joshua's death taught me, it is that we have to live right now. Because everything can change so quickly."   
"You are not ready for this," Isabel tried. She had to convince him. He was blind. She had to make him see what a big mistake he was making. "You are still grieving."   
"Maybe I need someone to help me stop grieving," Max said, "A large empty dark house can be terrifying when you are in pain, Iz."   
  
"Don't settle for Liz just because she has stayed this long," Isabel whispered, "She is trouble."   
"I'm not having this conversation," Max said, "Not if you're going to be that way."   
Isabel reached out and stopped him with her hand on his arm as he started to walk away.   
"I love you, Max. I'm only trying to help you."   
"Iz, I love you too, but maybe, just maybe, Liz wants to stick around and then I'm not going to be the one to stop her."   
  
  
  
TBC...


	25. Chapter 25

**Chapter 25**   
  
  
Liz looked at Max when Isabel closed the door behind her, after giving Michelle a good-bye kiss.   
"Is everything okay?"   
Max just put his arms around Michelle when she crawled up into his lap, snuggling with her nose in his shirt.   
"It's fine," he answered evasively.   
"She seemed upset," Liz said quietly. She had a strong feeling that it had something to do with her.   
"She's just…being Isabel," Max answered and smiled weakly. But the smile never reached his eyes and he shifted uncomfortably.   
"Are _you_ okay?" Liz whispered.   
"Uncle Max is sad," Michelle answered in his place.   
Liz and Max turned their heads in unison towards the little girl.   
"Why is he sad, Michelle?" Liz asked.   
Max looked at Liz when Michelle answered, "He don't like to fight. He don't like when mommy is angry."   
Max dropped his eyes when Liz shifted her eyes to him and then placed a tender kiss on the top of Michelle's blonde head.   
"You're right, Michelle," he whispered, "I don't like to fight. But mommy isn't angry, she is just a little upset right now."   
  
Big brown innocent eyes looked up into his. "Why?"   
"She wants me to do something I don't want to do," Max answered quietly.   
"Oh," Michelle said, biting her lower lip. "Is it like when mommy wants me to sleep and I's don't wanna?"   
Max smiled. "Exactly, sweetie."   
"Can me show Liz my room?" Michelle asked, her eyes suddenly sparking with anticipation and excitement.   
Max raised his eye-brows in silent question to Liz. She smiled and answered his question out loud, "I would love to see your room. I didn't know you had a room here."   
"Uncle Max gave me one," Michelle answered and began to inch her way out of Max's lap.   
They all rose from the bed, with Michelle bouncing away towards the door the second her small feet connected with the floor.   
"Hurry, hurry." Michelle's voice held the same bouncy as her feet as she was jumping on her place next to the door.   
Liz laughed. "Okay, okay."   
Max followed close behind, but was stopped by Michelle's determined hands on the front of his legs.   
"Only girls," she announced in her best educational voice.   
"Oh," Max scratched his ear, "Okay."   
Liz sent him an apologetic smile when she was being dragged away by Michelle's small hand.   
"I'll just make us something to eat then," Max said.   
With mixed feelings he watched them disappear down the corridor, before turning towards the stairs.   
  
  
"There's Josh's room," Michelle pointed towards one of the doors.   
"It is?" Liz looked at the closed door, a twinge of sadness twitching in her chest.   
"He doesn't live there anymore. He lives in heaven now. With the cows and the angels."   
"Oh," Liz couldn't think of anything else to say.   
"But Uncle Max has let me bworrow Josh's teddybears. But not all. Just some."   
"Do you remember Josh?" Liz asked.   
"No," Michelle answered. "But he lived here. Before. When Michelle was a little baby. He didn't only visit, like me, he stayed here all the time."   
Michelle's eyes grew wide with the unbelievable aspects of that.   
"Have you ever been in his room?" Liz asked, when Michelle opened the door to another room.   
"No," Michelle answered, "It's locked. I's can't go in."   
Liz nodded, her gaze lingering at the closed door.   
"C'mere." Michelle tugged on their joined hands and Liz stepped into the small room. It was a typical girl room and if Liz hadn't known better she could actually have believed that Michelle always lived there. It didn't have the sense of being only a "guestroom". It was completely furnished with a small bed and a small table with four small chairs, where four different teddy bears were sitting. There were pink curtains in the window and the wallpapers were white with small pink flowers.   
  
Michelle gave her the grand tour, introducing her to her blue teddy rabbit, a teddy bear without an ear, her doll Lucy, one red and one green mouse. Everyone had their own name, even the plants in the window.   
"That's Thornman," Michelle pointed at the cactus in the window, before quickly moving on to point at the small dog in porcelain, "And that's Blacky. He is guawding Thornman. Because Thornman is magic."   
"Really?" Liz asked interested. "What can he do?"   
"He pwotects the pwincess," Michelle answered matter-of-factly.   
Liz smiled. "Aha, the princess."   
"Dose," Michelle pointed at the thorns, "is magic, and bad men wants them."   
"What can you do if you have one of those thorns?" Liz questioned.   
"You get three wishes and you can decide a lot of fings," Michelle explained carefully.   
"Oh okay, I see," Liz whispered, her eyes going wide with wonder.   
Michelle giggled. "You funny!"   
  
There was a knock behind them and they turned around, finding Max leaning against the doorframe. Liz could feel her heart speeding up at the sight and she dropped her head to hide the colorful blush that was rising on her cheeks.   
"Have you shown her everything, Michelle?" he asked.   
"Yep," Michelle said and nodded proudly. "Eeeeevifing!"   
"I bet you are really hungry now then," Max said, stealing a glance in Liz's direction. His heart fluttered in reaction to the sight of her and he had to tear his eyes away to refocus on Michelle.   
"Can't we play first?" Michelle pleaded.   
"We can play after we've eaten," Max said.   
Michelle pouted and looked at Liz for assistance. Holding up her index finger Michelle said seriously, "Just one hour."   
Liz laughed softly and brushed some errand strands of blonde hair back from Michelle's forehead. "An hour is a really long time."   
"A minute then," Michelle negotiated.   
"We can play much longer if we go and eat first," Liz tried.   
"It's only a minute," Max said, beginning to cave.   
"Yay!!" Michelle exclaimed, starting to bounce up and down, since she knew that she had already won the argument.   
  
Liz just smiled and shook her head. Max gave her a helpless what-can-I-do shrug and started to walk into the room. When he passed Liz, she whispered to him, so close that he could feel the warmth of her breath against his ear. "Sucker!"   
"It's only for a minute," Max tried to defend himself.   
"Right," Liz smiled. She might not have been around children that much, but she just had to rely on common sense to know that they wouldn't only play for a minute.   
  
"Let's play house," Michelle dictated, starting to rearrange among the teddy bears. Some ended up on the floor and others on the bed.   
"You can sit there," Michelle pointed out the seats for Liz and Max.   
Liz laughed quietly when Max gave her an uncomfortable look before doing his best to sit down on the miniscule wooden chairs. Liz was a little bit smaller so it didn't prove to be as problematic to her as it was for Max.   
"You are mommy and you are daddy," Michelle said.   
Liz could feel Max's eyes on her when she smiled at the little girl. "And what are you going to be?"   
"Pwincess," Michelle answered, like it was the most well-known fact in the world.   
"But then we should be king and queen instead," Max said.   
"You'd like that, wouldn't you," Liz teased.   
Max looked at her, surprised by the flirtatious tone of her voice.   
"'Kay," Michelle agreed, ignorant to the exchange going on between Max and Liz. She started to arrange cups and plates on the table.   
"We's having tea," Michelle explained, pouring imaginary tea into Liz and Max's cups. Liz had to bit her lips to prevent the bubbling laughter inside of her from erupting. The mixture of Max's slightly embarrassed shifting and Michelle's bossy attitude was just too funny.   
Liz pushed her cup closer to Michelle to help the little girl hit the cup with the invisible liquid. "Thank you," she said with British accent, easily getting into the role.   
  
Michelle giggled and barely had time to put down the pot before she was off, running to the other side of the room. Max and Liz watched her amused as she searched through the drawers in the bookstand. Picking out a piece of scissors she pulled out a drawing paper and started to cut the paper into small pieces. Max asked her to be careful at least four times during the minute she was cutting the paper. In a swirl of air she ran back to the table and placed small pieces of paper on Liz and Max's plates.   
"Cookies," she said.   
"Thank you," Max and Liz said in unison and shared a private smile.   
  
"And now the king is gonna work," Michelle said after they had spent a couple of seconds "eating" the cookies. Eating constituted in holding the paper against their lips, hiding it in their hands and pretending to chew, and then place the pieces under the plates.   
"Okay," Max said and started to rise from the chair.   
"And you have to kiss," Michelle said.   
Max froze, the air in his lungs stopped to flow. His eyes fell on Liz and quickly traveled to her partly parted lips. He could see the surprise that he knew was matching his on her face.   
"Wh-what do you mean, Michelle?" Max stuttered.   
Michelle sighed dramatically at Max's obvious ignorance. "You's mawied. Daddy kisses mommy aaaaalll the time. And they's mawied."   
"Okay," Max said, not quite knowing what else to say. He shifted his eyes to slowly look at Liz. She was looking down at the table and he smiled mentally when he noticed how she was once again turning the ring around her pinkie, a typical sign that she was nervous.   
"Hurry," Michelle said. "The king has a lot to do twoday. He has to start early."   
Max's heart sped up when he watched Liz lick her lips before she lifted her head to look him directly in the eyes. Taking a deep breath, she said, "Well, let's give the girl what she wants."   
  
She gave him a nervous smile, a smile that made his heart soar with wonder and excitement.   
"Yes, we probably should," he said, looking pretty nervous himself.   
Michelle was looking at them in impatience. For her it was a simple game, for Max and Liz it was anything but.   
Max swallowed and then leaned over the table. Liz smiled self-consciously before rising. Her eyes were focused on his lips and she didn't think she had ever been this nervous before. A chill of pleasure ran down her spine when one of Max's hands softly cradled her cheek. She could feel the racing of her heart in her chest and she was having difficulties to breathe. But it was a wonderful feeling; a feeling of excitement and anticipation. Her suddenly highly sensitive skin could feel every millimeter of the small circles Max's thumb was making against her cheek, unconsciously calming her down. Then he leaned closer, his fingers moving further back around her head, burying them into her hair and gently pushing her head closer.   
  
It felt like time stood still, but after what seemed like an eternity, his lips softly touched hers. Her body trembled at the contact. His lips were soft and his touch gentle. If she had been able to think the kiss probably would've reminded her of her very first kiss when she had been six. The tentativeness was the same, but certainty of the kiss was very different. Compared to the six-year-old on the playground Max knew what he was doing.   
  
She pressed her lips harder against his, opening her mouth slightly, the taste of him intoxicating her. By its own free will her hand moved into his hair, trying to make him come closer. Closer than possible.   
"Hello? Hello? Heeeelllloooo? King must go to work!"   
Partly, Michelle's voice, in true Isabel spirit, drifted through the cocoon they had formed around them. Max pulled back, his eyes slowly opening, his breath ragged, the softness of her lips forever imprinted in his mind. His eyes met her warm and dark eyes. She was looking at him in awe, her chest heaving up and down with the inability to breathe properly after the sensory overload. His hand slowly left her cheek, his fingers lingering along her skin as he pulled back, the feathery touch sending sparkles of electricity into her.   
"You should go," Liz said breathlessly, looking into his eyes intently. She couldn't stop looking at him.   
"Yes," Max breathed.   
"Now Liz is gonna pway with Michelle," Michelle announced.   
Liz took a deep breath and self-consciously brushed her hair away from her face. "Uhm, maybe we should go and eat now, Michelle."   
Michelle's expression fell and the familiar pout settled over her rosy lips. "Do we have to?"   
Liz looked up at Max, who had stopped by the door. He was looking at her intently and the look he was giving her was enough to make her legs go weak. She didn't think she would be able to stand up.   
  
Clearing her throat, she said, "Max and I haven't eaten anything yet. We are hungry."   
She looked up at Max to have him confirm it and the air once again hitched in her throat, but this time for a completely different reason than when he had been leaning forward towards her only a minute ago. There was a difference in his eyes. When her eyes met his, he looked away, avoiding her gaze. Her lips were still tingling from his touch, but she knew with a painful certainty, just by watching him now, that something had gone terribly wrong.   
"Uncle Max?" Michelle asked next to her, when Liz found herself without her voice. Liz couldn't stop looking at him. The sudden coldness now surrounding his body was so tangible that goose bumps were forming on her bare arms.   
Max looked up then and looked straight at Liz. But he could as well have been keeping his eyes closed. There really was no one looking. Max wasn't there anymore. His eyes were dead. He turned his eyes to Michelle and smiled, but even though he could fool a five-year-old there was nothing real about that smile.   
  
"Liz is right, Michelle. We should get something to eat."   
For some reason, Michelle didn't object. It has often been claimed that children, as well as animals, have some kind of sixth sense, enabling them to feel emotions in another way. Something stopped Michelle from protesting, like she felt that it would be a really bad idea.   
"Okay," she mumbled and started for the door.   
Liz slowly started to walk towards the door, her eyes traveling over Max's tense form as he was waiting in the door frame, his eyes locked on Michelle. He ruffled Michelle's hair when she passed, eliciting a giggle from her.   
"Max?" Her voice couldn't hide the trembles coursing through her. Fear.   
Max looked up at her, his face blank and emotionless. "Yeah?"   
"What just-"   
Max dropped his eyes and shook his head, forcing himself to smile, as he interrupted her, "Michelle sure has some weird ideas sometimes."   
Liz looked at him closely, feeling her heart dropping further and further down in her stomach. "I'm sorry if-"   
Max looked up at her again and she swallowed. She was standing so close that she could feel his breath on her face, but it felt as if he was miles away, on the other side of the world. "Let's get something to eat."   
Her hand moved, without her being able to stop it, and dropped on his arm. He froze at the touch, fixing his eyes on the point where her hand was touching the bare skin of his arm. His eyes drifted close and he tried to fight the feelings her touch stirred inside of him.   
"I just want you to know that…that I don't expect anything from you, Max. I won't…" He didn't hear her deep intake of air to calm herself down. His attention was still focused on the part of his arm where they were physically linked. "I won't pressure you."   
  
"It was just a game," Max whispered and looked up. Her eyes were big and concerned, the emotions he saw there, emotions for him, were so real that he had to avert his eyes again. "We were just playing," he emphasized. "We were just playing."   
Something broke inside of Liz. She could feel it in her chest, like a sharp pain. It was like nothing she had ever felt before. But she knew what it was. Hope. Her hope was falling apart, one big part just plummeting down her stomach. Hope about a new chance of life. She felt nauseous. She wanted to get out of there. She felt the instinctive need to protect herself from getting hurt.   
"Yeah," she whispered, swallowing back hot tears, "It was just a game." The kiss didn't mean anything. It didn't mean anything to Max. To her, it had been the most powerful moment of her life. She would never forget it.   
"I think…" She swallowed. "I think that I have to go. I shouldn't disturb you anymore."   
She needed to get out of here. Maybe she was being ridiculous. It _had_ only been a game. But she couldn't stop the suffocating feelings from drowning her. She needed air.   
"Okay," Max said softly. One part of him wanted to prevent her from leaving, but the other part was stronger. He couldn't have her here any longer. He couldn't control himself around her.   
Liz tried to get past him. "I'm just gonna…"   
He stepped away from the doorway to give her room. "Sure."   
He watched her as she disappeared down the hall, towards the guestroom, and he took a deep breath. But it didn't help. It didn't help him to get the air more easily into his lungs. The solution to the pain spreading inside of him was easy and automatic, after years of practicing it. With a final look down the hall, watching her disappear into the room, he turned his head towards the stairs and pushed it all to the back of his head. He mentally started to bury his heart again. The sand of denial quickly covered the feelings Liz Parker had started to dig up.   
  
  
  
TBC...


	26. Chapter 26

Oh gosh...

Thank you all so much for the feedback!! You are the best readers one could ask for!!! Thank you!!!

For those of you wondering about "Solar Eclipse" and "Lethal Whispers"…. My muse (dark-haired, mysterious, quiet. Goes by the name of Max) has left me on those stories. Anyone wouldn't know where to find him? ;-) And school has started – as has studying… As soon as I have a new part I'll post it for you though :-D

Again, thank you!!

**End of chapter 25...**   
  
  
"I think…" She swallowed. "I think that I have to go. I shouldn't disturb you anymore."   
She needed to get out of here. Maybe she was being ridiculous. It _had_ only been a game. But she couldn't stop the suffocating feelings from drowning her. She needed air.   
"Okay," Max said softly. One part of him wanted to prevent her from leaving, but the other part was stronger. He couldn't have her here any longer. He couldn't control himself around her.   
Liz tried to get past him. "I'm just gonna…"   
He stepped away from the doorway to give her room. "Sure."   
He watched her as she disappeared down the hall, towards the guestroom, and he took a deep breath. But it didn't help. It didn't help him to get the air more easily into his lungs. The solution to the pain spreading inside of him was easy and automatic, after years of practicing it. With a final look down the hall, watching her disappear into the room, he turned his head towards the stairs and pushed it all to the back of his head. He mentally started to bury his heart again. The sand of denial quickly covered the feelings Liz Parker had started to dig up.   
  
  
  
  
  
**Chapter 26**   
  
  
When he reached the first floor, there was nothing inside of him. Just a big aching black hole. As it had been for the last two years. Detached, he moved towards the kitchen, his body coming to an abrupt halt when his downward eyes spotted the white substance on the kitchen floor. His eyes slowly followed the trail of white to the small shoe, occupied by a white-stocking clad foot. His eyes traveled further over the little girl sitting on the floor and he took a step further into the room, slowly taking it all in.   
  
Michelle was sitting in the middle of the kitchen floor, flour covering both her and a large part of the floor. In front of her, between her outstretched legs in the shape of a V, floated a mixture of something. His eyes took in the broken egg shells next to Michelle and the yellowish tinge of the floating goo.   
"Michelle," Max said slowly, getting her attention. "What are you doing?"   
"Baking," Michelle answered, like it was the most natural thing in the world to bake on the floor, without a bowl and with a big wooden spoon.   
"Really? And what are you baking?"   
"A cake," Michelle said, beaming with self-pride.   
Max rubbed his forehead tiredly. "Aha, that's what you're doing."   
A soft sound to his left made him turn his head, finding Liz walking towards him.   
She looked at him with uncertainty. "Uhm… I…" Her eyes absently flickered to her left and widened when she saw the mess. She looked up at Max in question, not knowing quite how to react.   
"Michelle is baking," Max explained.   
Liz tried to read his reaction, but it would've been easier to figure out what a wall was thinking. "Oh."   
"Uncle Max is having a guest, we need cake," Michelle said.   
Liz focused on Michelle and smiled a little guiltily. "That's so sweet of you, Michelle. But I have to go."   
The lost expression on Michelle's face was heartbreaking to see and confused she looked at her uncle.   
"Liz not staying?"   
"I'm afraid not," Max said, "We'll just have to spend the day without her today."   
"She's leaving?" Michelle asked again, her face crumbling. The little girl was trying to fight her tears. She wanted so badly to be a big girl and not cry. But she really wanted Liz to stay. She had thought that Liz would stay.   
  
Liz had never felt as guilty as she felt right then, but she felt that Max didn't want her there any longer. Maybe not even Michelle should be there. On another thought, maybe she should because Liz was afraid what would happen if Max was alone. There was something very unsettling about him. For as long, or brief, as she had known him, he had never treated Michelle with the tiredness he was treating her with now. He had always been incredibly patient. Looking at him now, his eyes moving over the mess on his kitchen floor, she thought he might just fall apart right there.   
Liz got down on her knees in the doorway and motioned for Michelle to come over. "Come here, sweetie."   
Michelle bit her lip thoughtfully, before fumbling to her feet and walking towards Liz. The little girl was completely white on the front, the flour mixed up with some egg white and yolk, but Liz didn't care about that. She put her arms out for the little girl. The least she could do was to give the girl a hug. Michelle crawled into Liz's lap and put her small hands around Liz's waist, as far as they would go.   
"I just have some other things to do today, okay?" Liz said, stroking Michelle's blonde hair.   
Michelle nodded reluctantly. "Gown up dings?"   
Liz smiled sadly. "Yeah, grown up things."   
"'K," Michelle agreed and lifted her head from Liz's chest.   
Liz gave her a comforting smile and smoothed away the hair from her face. "I'll see you later, okay?"   
Michelle nodded with a somber expression on her face.   
Liz inhaled deeply, lifting Michelle off her lap, and started to rise. "Okay."   
She glanced at Max briefly, registering his closed off expression, before dropping her eyes to a safer target. Michelle.   
"I'm just gonna… go then," she said slowly, feeling Max's eyes burning into her, even though she pretended that she didn't notice.   
"Yeah," Max answered. "Bye, Liz."   
The way he said her name made her heart sting. Her name rolled over his lips with such bittersweet ambrosia that it ached inside of her with confusion and grief.   
With one final look his way, and a weak smile in Michelle's direction, Liz turned around and started to walk towards the front door, feeling like something had been taken away from her. Something that was never really hers to begin with. 

------------------------------------------------------------

  
  
"Liz!"   
Maria's surprise to see her best friend outside her door couldn't be mistaken. But the main shock came from the look on Liz's face.   
"Hi Maria," Liz said weakly, "Can I come in?"   
Maria frowned. "What happened?"   
Liz brushed past Maria, inviting herself in, and started to take off her jacket. "Nothing. Nothing."   
"Okay," Maria said slowly, "You really have to start working on getting better at lying, girlfriend, because this really isn't working."   
Ignoring Maria's reply, Liz started to take off her boots. "Is Michael home?"   
"And the pretending-that-it's-raining attitude is a total giveaway, Liz," Maria said. She spotted the small suitcase behind Liz. "Moving in?"   
"Yeah." Liz straightened up and brushed an errand strand of dark hair out of her eyes. "Is that okay? Could I stay here for a while? I promise I'll start looking for an apartment first thing tomorrow."   
"Deal," Maria agreed and Liz smiled gratefully. "But…"   
Maria watched the smile starting to slip off Liz's face as she continued, "Only on one condition. You have to tell me what happened. You look like…your best friend just died."   
"That's not too far away from the truth," Liz mumbled. She took a hold of the suitcase and started to drag it over the floor, pass Maria.   
  
Maria watched Liz sink down in the sofa and put her hands on her hips, looking at her friend sternly. "So what did he do?"   
"Nothing, nothing," Liz said, her whole being sighing with bone deep fatigue.   
"There it was again. Liz, you got to know by now that you won't fool me at all by saying 'Nothing, nothing' over and over again. Something obviously happened. I thought you and Max were getting really cozy over at his place. So what's with the long face?"   
Liz opened her mouth to protest, but nothing came out. Instead she took a deep breath, trying to stop what she knew would happen from actually happening. But the feelings were too intense. Her dreams were shattered, hanging on with burning, stinging strings.   
She could feel the familiar burning in her eyes. Her eyes felt hot and the back of her throat burned. The first, lonesome tear slowly left the safety of the eye and started its slow descent down her cheek.   
"Liz?" Maria asked worriedly. She hadn't seen Liz cry in ages. She had talked with Liz over the phone while she was crying, but that was not the same thing. Liz was strong and she rarely let anyone actually _see_ her cry.   
Liz's face crumbled and she buried her face in her hands. Maria stared at her for a fraction of a second, momentarily frozen to the spot, before reacting. Quickly, she sat down next to Liz and put her arms around her. Liz turned in her arms, letting her tired head drop on Maria's shoulder.   
"Shh… Shh… It's okay, Lizzie," Maria soothed, stroking Liz's hair. "Whatever he did, we'll work it out."   
"He didn't… he didn't…do any…anything," Liz sobbed.   
"Honey, you wouldn't be in tears if he hadn't done something. He must have done _something_."   
Liz sniffled and lifted her head from Maria's shoulder, brushing the tears away from her cheeks with frustrated movements.   
  
"Michelle was there," Liz said, sniffling.   
"Oh."   
"And she wanted us to play this game."   
"Aha."   
"Just…just normal playing."   
"Mhmm."   
"House."   
"Aha. And you were…?"   
"The queen."   
"Aha. I thought it was mom, dad and child."   
"Max was the king."   
"Right."   
"Michelle the princess."   
"Okay."   
"The king was apparently leaving for work and Michelle wanted us to kiss goodbye."   
"Kiss goodbye…? Like on the cheek…right?"   
"Uhm…not really."   
"Aha."   
"I think this is where it went totally wrong."   
"So, okay, you just skipped the kiss. What happened? So he kissed you right? Or you kissed him? You kissed each other. Well, something like that."   
"We kissed."   
"Aaaand…?"   
Liz's head fell back against the sofa, a sigh passing over her lips. Maria wasn't sure if it was a sigh of pleasure or regret.   
"It was… I've never felt anything like it before, Ria."   
"That's a good thing right?"   
Liz smiled sadly at the ceiling. "Yeah, that's a very good thing."   
"And he didn't think so?"   
Liz swallowed deeply. "I thought he did, but I guess…"   
  
"So details, babe. What happened?"   
"There's really not much to tell," Liz said evasively. "We kissed and it was…great. And then he just… closed off."   
"How do you mean?" Maria asked, looking at Liz's compassionately.   
"I don't know if he realized what had happened and that's why-"   
"But why did he close off at all?" It didn't make any sense to Maria. She had seen the sparks between Max and Liz. Isabel had seen them. Even Michael had seen them. Why wouldn't it work?   
"His wife…"   
"She's dead, Liz," Maria said, pointing out the obvious.   
"Not to him," Liz answered. "It's almost like I can feel her looking over his shoulder. I almost feel like I'm doing something wrong."   
"This is bad," Maria mumbled.   
Liz grimaced. The story of her life. "Yeah."   
"Did you guys talk about it?"   
Liz looked at her like she had gone insane. "What was I supposed to say? That I felt like I was tempting him to cheat on his dead wife?"   
Maria scrunched her nose. "Maybe a little more discreet than that…"   
Liz let out a frustrated groan and raked her hands over her face. "God! Why can't life just give me a break sometime? Why do I have to fell in love with the most complicated guy out…"   
Her voice trailed off as she saw Maria's smile.   
"What?"   
  
Maria silently raised one eye-brow and gave Liz a pointed look. Liz opened her mouth to ask again, when she backpedaled what she had just said. Maria's grin widened when Liz closed her eyes and her head fell back against the couch.   
"So, love, huh?" Maria asked. It was taking all of her strength to control herself. What she really wanted to do was to squeal and drag Liz up from the floor and dance around.   
"Did I really say that?" Liz mumbled behind the hands now covering her face.   
"You've never said that before," Maria said.   
Liz inhaled deeply. "What should I do?"   
"Don't sound so miserable. You're in love, Liz. For the first time in your life. You should be happy."   
"I should. But it's so hard. It doesn't help the situation any that I just realized that I'm… that I'm… That I have certain feelings for him. He still told me to get out of there."   
Maria's eyes widened in appalled disbelief. "He said that?"   
"No, not really. He just… I couldn't stay there anymore. I could just feel the mood changing and it was suffocating me. I had to get out of there. And he didn't stop me."   
"Oh-kay. This really is difficult."   
Liz rose from the couch. "I think I'm going to deal with this later."   
Maria stared at her. "Don't push it away. You have to deal with this, Liz. You have to talk to him. You can't just end it like this."   
"I know. Believe me; I don't want it to end this way." If it was up to her, she didn't want it to end at all. "I just can't think straight now. I need to… do something else."   
Maria rose from the couch and pulled Liz into a hug. "Okay, girlfriend. Just don't bury it. You have to deal with it."   
"Later," Liz promised.   
"Yeah. I'll be here if you need me."   
Liz pulled out of the hug and smiled weakly. "Thanks."

To be continued…


	27. Chapter 27

**Elizabeth****, kiki, Charisma** (Oh! You got your Roswell DVD? I'm still waiting for mine. It hasn't been released in Europe yet…), **Elementalmoon**, and **Bacio83** – Thank you so much for the feedback!!

**Chapter 27**   
  
  
"She's beautiful."   
He turned around towards the voice and his heart started to pound wildly in his chest at the sight of her leaning against the doorframe. What scared him, though, wasn't that he was able to see his dead wife, but that he didn't rejoice over the fact like he used to. Her sudden presence just made the guilt intensify.   
"Who is?" he asked tentatively.   
Tess walked into the bedroom and sat down on the edge of the bed. "Liz Parker."   
Max didn't answer. A part of him was trying really hard to make the image of Tess disappear. Before, he cherished those moments, but today he knew with a sudden clarity that he shouldn't be able to see her and that it wasn't healthy.   
Tess raised one eyebrow. "You want me to leave?"   
"You're not real," Max murmured.   
"Oh," Tess said, fingering on the quilt of the bed. "So… I'm not that important anymore? You are just going to forget me now?"   
"You're dead," Max whispered, his heart aching just to pronounce the word that held such finality.   
"Not as long as you keep me alive," Tess answered.   
"You're only inside my head," Max mumbled. "You're only inside my head."   
"You can't escape your own mind, Max. Either you let me go or I'll stay. You can't have it both ways."   
  
Max looked up at her and stared at her face. That face was so familiar to him. He still remembered how the blonde curls felt against his fingers. He could still remember what her lips tasted like, the taste of her skin, how she smelled… But that was all just memories. He couldn't touch her now. He couldn't kiss her. He couldn't pull her into his arms and bury his nose into her hair. He couldn't even smell that familiar scent surrounding her.   
"Do you know what day it is tomorrow?" Tess asked.   
How could he forget? He had tried so hard to ignore it. But in his line of profession, being a teacher, it was inevitable not to keep track of dates.   
"Yes," he whispered.   
"He's a big boy now," Tess smiled. "Four years old."   
Max nodded slowly, bending his head. He couldn't look at her. The guilt was driving him crazy. He could feel her eyes on him and he closed his eyes and tried to force the image of her out of his mind.   
"You're in love with her," Tess said.   
Max eyes opened wide and his head snapped up to look at Tess. She had the same calm appearance as she'd had for the last two years.   
"No," he said.   
She smiled. "You're in denial, Max. You always did wear your heart on your sleeve and I know you. I know your heart, Max. Even if _you_ don't recognize it anymore, it's still a part of you."   
Max didn't answer. He knew that she was telling the truth.   
"Time's running out, Max. It's her or me. You have to make a decision. Soon."   
Tess rose from the bed and walked up to Max, standing so close to him that he should've been able to feel her breath against his face. But he didn't. She didn't have a breath.   
"Just remember who your soul mate is. No one can ever love you like I love you."   
And with that she slowly disappeared.   
  
He had to make a choice. If he chose Liz, he chose life. If he chose Tess, he chose death. The problem was, he might have already scared Liz away for good.   
  
The musical score of a cell phone cut through the silence and confused he turned his head towards the sound. His cell phone didn't sound like that. Frowning, he walked out of the bedroom and started to walk down the hall in search of the source to the sound. 

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

  
  
"How are you feeling?"   
Liz lowered her head under Maria's sympathetic eyes. She couldn't stand them. "Better."   
She took out a box of juice from the fridge and searched for a glass in the cabinet.   
"You sure?"   
Liz poured juice into the glass and answered lightly, "Mhmm."   
"Have you gotten over the shock yet?"   
Liz looked up and met Maria's eyes with confusion. "What shock?"   
Maria put down her tea cup and raised an eyebrow suggestively. "Of figuring out that you are in love with him. It took you long enough, if I might say so. I saw the potential right from the beginning, at that dinner at Isabel's.   
At the mention of Isabel, Liz's eyes darkened and she soundlessly lowered her eyes again and started to sip on her juice.   
"What?"   
"What?" Liz countered, nonchalantly picking up the morning paper, pretending to be instantly captivated by the headlines displayed there.   
"What's with the look?"   
Liz sifted through the papers, with a face like stone. "What look?"   
"The look you just had."   
"I didn't have a look."   
"Would you look at me when I'm talking to you?" Maria demanded, with a touch of anger in her voice.   
  
Liz sighed and looked up, giving Maria a clear okay-what-do-you-want look.   
"Did something else happen?"   
"What would that be?" Liz retorted.   
"You tell me."   
Maria was staring her down and it was starting to make Liz uncomfortable. She wasn't used to lying and to suddenly have to lie this much was making her really uneasy.   
With a frustrated moan, Maria covered her face with her hands and mumbled through her fingers. "God, this is like a bad soap opera. How much has happened that I don't know about?"   
"You don't need to know everything about my life," Liz said, with the touch of a smile in her voice. "A girl needs to keep some secrets to herself."   
Maria removed her hands, revealing stern eyes. "Liz! This is serious! I want to be able to help you, to support you, but how am I going to do that if-"   
Her voice was cut of by the ringing of the phone.   
"Uhm…" Maria hesitated. She really wanted to talk to Liz about this. She felt as if she was onto something here. Pointing a warning finger at her, she rose from her seat. "I'm not through with you."   
Liz just rolled her eyes in reply and picked up the paper again.   
Maria shook her head in near resignation and picked up the phone.   
"Hello? Max? What…"   
  
Liz's interest was peaked when she heard that name. His name. She tried to pretend that she was really reading but it was difficult to concentrate on keeping up a charade when she was trying to figure out what Max was saying at the other end of the line.   
"Well, Max. I have a question for you. What the hell did you do to Liz?!"   
Liz groaned and placed her head on the table surface. So much for being subtle.   
"No…okay…yeah… But only for this time. You just… Max, just know that this isn't just about you. You're hurting Liz in the process. Right… Fine… Okay… Yeah, I'll tell her. Right. Sure. Bye."   
Liz looked up at Maria as she turned towards her after hanging up the phone.   
"Max," Maria said simply.   
"Yeah, I got that."   
"Apparently, you forgot your cell phone at his place and he said that you could come by and pick it up. If you wanted to."   
Liz opened her mouth to answer, but Maria beat her to it. "But I really think that I should get it instead, since I don't think that he is that good for-"   
"It sounded completely different yesterday," Liz said, "Then you wanted me to talk to him."   
"I still think you should talk to him, but maybe it's too soon."   
"There's no better time than the present," Liz said with a weak smile.   
Maria sighed. "Right. But I still think…"   
"I really need to talk to him," Liz interrupted. "And this is as good of an opportunity as any."   
"Uhm…yeah," Maria said.   
  
Liz rose from the chair and put the glass in the sink. "I guess I should go then."   
"Already?" Maria asked surprised.   
"Mhmm."   
"Okay…" 

-------------------------------------------------------------

  
  
"…are warning about extremely strong winds. It is recommended that people stay inside…"   
Max didn't register what was being said on the TV as he walked into the kitchen to, once again, rummage through the refrigerator. He felt jumpy and restless. Liz might not be coming over until later that night or not even today, which would mean that he would be going around being nervous all that time. He didn't even know why he was being this jumpy. He wasn't sure what had changed, but it felt like something had changed, changed on the inside.   
  
"…has already caused a number of serious accidents…"   
Max closed the door to the refrigerator, once again reaching the conclusion that there was nothing in there that would still his confusing emotions. He exited the kitchen area and walked into his office and switched on the laptop, hoping that some schoolwork could get his mind off Liz. 

------------------------------------------------------------

  
  
"Maria! I'm leaving now!"   
Liz bent down to put on her shoes and straightened up, picking up her purse in the process.   
"Okay!" Maria's muffled reply was coming from the other side of the house. "Drive safely! There's a storm coming."   
But Liz didn't hear those last words. She was already out the door. 

------------------------------------------------------------

  
  
Max went back into the living room, passing the TV on his way. He finally noticed that it was on. The woman's voice on the news reached his ears and he walked up to the TV table, picking up the remote control and turning up the volume.   
"…already mentioned, there have been several accidents. Some were caused by trees falling over the road, but the majority are car accidents and elderly people falling in the strong wind. Residents are advised to shut all windows."   
The TV-hostess quieted and she put her hand against her ear, listening to something being said in the ear-shell.   
"Okay. This just came in. There has been a serious collision between a car and a bus."   
Max slowly sat down on the end of the couch, his eyes fixed on the TV-screen, as images of the car crash was being displayed on the TV.   
"The collision was so violent that the car went straight off the road, spinning around several times before landing upside down. There was only one passenger in the car, a young woman, and according to our knowledge, she is alive, but unconscious. Rescue teams are trying to free her from the car."   
Max wasn't really listening anymore. He was staring at the images. They didn't show much, and they were already back to filming the TV-hostess, but Max had seen enough in those short snaps of images to have a strong fear spread inside of him. His hands were shaking as he rose from the couch, picking up the phone. With trembling fingers he dialed Maria's number. The car in the news had been red, the same color as Maria's. It had been a Toyota, the same as Maria's. The camera had quickly swept over a road sign, showing that the accident had happened on the road Liz would take to get to him. Liz would borrow Maria's car. The short glimpse of the girl hanging upside down in the car in her seatbelt was enough to have Liz's face flash in front of his eyes.   
  
With shaking hands he picked up the telephone and hit the re-dial button.   
"Hello?"   
"Is Liz there?" His voice was trembling, barely able to get the words out.   
"Who is this?"   
"Did she leave already?"   
"Max? Is that you?"   
Just then there was a knock on the door. Without really knowing what he was doing, Max put the receiver down, his eyes fixed on the front door, disconnecting the call.   
He quickly started to walk towards the front door, so quickly that he stumbled over the end of the carpet. But he didn't notice. With the sound of his heart violently thudding in his ears he swung the door open.   
"Max-"   
That was all she got out before Max pulled her into the house. Before she could understand what was happening, Max was running his hands over the sides of her face, down her body, his eyes frantic and concerned. Frightened.   
  
"Max?"   
She could feel how her own heart was increasing in speed with every upset movement he was making. She could feel the fear and panic radiate from the tips of his fingers as they moved over her.   
"Are you okay?" he asked breathlessly, his voice trembling.   
"Yes," Liz answered, confused.   
Max's eyes finally met hers and she involuntarily swallowed. She had never seen such raw emotions in anyone's eyes before, as the ones she saw in his in that moment. His grip on her upper arms was tight, almost painful.   
"You sure?"   
"Max, what…"   
"Nothing happened?" Max interrupted, his hands now cradling her face, his eyes flicking over her face as if he was trying to prove to himself that she was there.   
"Nothing has happened," Liz answered, trying to keep her voice calm. Whatever had happened, the last thing Max needed now was for her to freak out as well, even though it was tempting.   
Max took a deep breath and stepped back, his hands reluctantly lingering against her skin before pulling back. "Okay…okay…"   
"Max? What's wrong?"   
His lowered his head and slowly rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand. "Nothing. Nothing's wrong. I just…"   
He looked up again. "Are you sure that you are okay?"   
Liz nodded. "Yes."   
"Okay," he said again. "I think… I think I need to sit down."   
  
He staggered backwards into the kitchen. Liz quickly scrambled out of her jacket and followed him, putting a supportive hand on his arm, afraid that he would fall before he had the chance to sit down.   
"Max?" Something had obviously happened to put that haunted look in his eyes. "You want to talk about it?"   
He shook his head as he lowered himself on one of the kitchen chairs.   
"Okay…" She looked at him for a while, but as the seconds passed, she could feel him getting uncomfortable under the scrutiny of her looks, so she took a deep breath. "Uhm…maybe I should just take my cell phone and go ba-"   
"No!"   
His outburst was so sudden that she actually jumped, startled by the intensity of his voice.   
"I mean," Max's voice lowered, noticing how he had scared her, "It's… there's a storm coming."   
Liz nodded absently, her whole attention caught by his eyes as they looked at her worriedly.   
"You shouldn't be out driving now. There's…Something can happen."   
"Max… I can make it home. It can't be that bad. Besides I can't stay here anymore. It wouldn't be-"   
"I wouldn't mind," Max interrupted.   
Liz looked at him in surprise. "You wouldn't?"   
  
Shakily, he rose from the chair, his height towering up over her. But it didn't intimidate her. She felt protected in his presence. Like he could protect her against anything.   
"No," he answered. After some hesitation, he put his hand on her arm, a touch that made her eyes drift close and she swallowed to hide how her whole body reacted to the contact. "I don't want you driving in that storm, Liz. It can be dangerous."   
As his words sunk in, she heard another voice behind her. The voice from the TV, summarizing the headlines. She looked over her shoulder at the TV, seeing quick images of what the storm had already caused in its wake. She recognized the road she had just drove on and the car lying upside down in the ditch after a collision with a bus. Suddenly it all made perfect sense to her. She turned her head back to Max. His eyes hadn't left her face that whole time and her breath hitched in her throat when she looked into his eyes. How was he able to do that to her? How was he able to cause all of these emotions inside of her?   
"You thought… The accident… You thought," Liz stammered.   
Max looked at her for a long time, before his hand came up to rest against her cheek. She instinctively leaned into his touch. He nodded in reply to her unspoken question, his eyes drawn to the smooth, perfect skin he could feel under his fingertips. The implication of what he must've gone through the last minutes hit her and she could do no other thing than wrap her arms around his neck and pull him towards her.   
"I'm so sorry, Max," she whispered.   
  
At first, he was surprised by her movement. But then her scent surrounded her and the warmth of her body pressed up against his grazed the surface of his dying heart. He didn't have the same control over his feelings whenever Liz was near and having her this close, feeling her small fingers threading through the hair at the back of his head, it was nearly impossible not to feel. His arms moved around her small waist, feeling the fragility of her body. She was so small, and he felt a newly awakened fierce need to protect her. The feeling was so strong it almost overwhelmed him. He didn't know where these feelings came from, but they were so familiar, as big a part of him as his love for his parents. There was something about Liz that was so natural that he was starting to feel like he couldn't exist without breathing in her scent and feeling her calming presence. He was getting increasingly dependent upon her and that made him conflicted. His heart was soaring, trying to take a hold of this opportunity to come to life again, yet at the same time it was trying to shield itself from getting hurt again.   
  
He buried his nose in her hair, the scent of her strawberry shampoo filling his nostrils.   
"You have nothing to be sorry about," he said quietly.   
"You thought it was me, didn't you?" Liz asked. "The woman in the car accident. You thought it was me."   
She could feel him nod against her throat and his arms tighten around her.   
Max's defenses were falling apart, destroyed by the same thing that had put them up there to start with. Love. Her scent was filling him up, moving into the pores of his skin, and slowly making him addicted to her. A need was rising inside of him. A need to not only smell her, but also taste her. It was like a dehydrated man after being in the desert for days without any water. He needed her. He felt it in every part of his body. An ache so strong that it almost immobilized him.   
  
Liz closed her eyes and let herself sink into the warmth of his embrace. She had never felt so protected before. She had never felt so safe. And there was something else there. She couldn't define it. She didn't have the courage to define it. But it was filling her. Filling up the voids inside of her. Making her come to life. So when she felt Max's lips brush against the side of her neck, her heart almost stopped. She fell completely still, waiting to see what he would do next.


	28. Chapter 28

_Thank you so much, everyone, for the feedback!!!_

**Chapter 28**   
  
  
"Max…?"   
  
His lips rested against the smooth skin of her neck. His eyes were closed as he tried to push all the feelings from the past behind him. But he would soon realize the impossibility in that task, since all the feelings that he was trying to push away, that he was feeling for Liz, were the same as those he had felt for Tess, and the feelings for Tess was too big a part of him. He was trying so hard not to think about Tess, but he couldn't. He had only kissed one other girl before Tess and that kiss had only been experimental. He and a girl made a deal to try it out. It had meant nothing. Every real feeling he had ever had was in some way linked to Tess. Feelings that he had long tried to push away were now trying to crawl back at a fervent pace.   
  
"I'm sorry," he whispered against her throat. He wasn't sure what he was sorry about. He swallowed back some of the feelings when he felt her fingers thread through his hair. He knew that he probably should let her go, but he couldn't.   
"You okay?"   
"I just… I just need to hold you for a second."   
She could feel the tremors haunting his body and the need to make him feel better was so strong that she didn't want to let him go, even if he had wanted her to.   
  
They stood like that for several minutes; Max trying to regain control over his feelings before facing her again and Liz trying to comfort him the best she could. Her whole body sighed with disappointment when she felt him move away from her, his arms slowly unwrapping themselves from around her, brushing against the sides of her body as he pulled back. She looked up at him when he returned to her field of vision.   
"I'm sorry," he said, his eyes downcast.   
Liz looked at him, her forehead wrinkled with concern. Hesitating only for the fraction of a second before moving, she gently placed her hand against his cheek and coaxed him to look into her eyes.   
"Don't apologize, Max," she whispered softly.   
He looked at her, his eyes dark in the poorly lit room.   
"Don't apologize," Liz repeated.   
"I must have… I didn't mean to…"   
"It's okay, Max," Liz said, giving him a weak smile for comfort. "I can never completely understand what you went through two years ago and what kind of life you have been forced to lead with those memories, but you have every right to feel what you are feeling. You shouldn't apologize for your feelings, Max."   
Max looked at her, almost like he was trying to deduce if she was for real or not. Apologizing for his feelings had been integrated into his life for such a long time. At first those around him had accepted his grieving, but as time passed and he was expected to stop mourning, he felt forced to apologize for the fact that he hadn't forgotten yet. Instead he had just stopped hiding his feelings altogether. It was easier that way. But it didn't really work that well with Liz. No one had affected him the way Liz did. No one.   
  
"I can't…" His voice trailed off and he took a step backwards, the edge of the sofa hitting his calves and resigned he slumped into the sofa. His eyes were tracing the patterns of the carpet as his voice continued, weak and uncertain. "I can't get…get involved with you."   
She ignored the twinge of hurt in her chest and nodded, even though he couldn't see her. "I know."   
Her soft statement surprised him and he looked up at her. He looked so surprised that she couldn't help but smile. "What? Did you think that I would force myself on you?"   
He dropped his eyes, his face sad, and slowly shook his head. "No…"   
The smile vanished from her face like flour in a storm and she fell to her knees in front of Max, looking up into his down-turned face.   
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean it to come out that way," she said.   
Max shook his head, the lamp in the room catching the golden sparkles in his amber eyes. "It's not you."   
  
Swallowing, a fruitless attempt to add moisture to her dry throat, and hesitating before slowly voicing her fears. "Do you want me to leave?"   
His eyes sprang to life and his negative head movements intensified. "No, no…"   
Liz caught his eyes and firmly holding his gaze she asked again, "Are you sure, Max? Because I can't be here if I feel like I'm only hurting you."   
She held his eyes even when he put his hand against her cheek and she felt the familiar warmth at the pit of her stomach.   
"You are not hurting me, Liz," he said seriously.   
The intensity of his eyes and his statement made the air thicken around her and she automatically smiled to ease the intensity. "Okay."   
"I'm just not…" he paused trying to find the right word, "ready."   
She nodded. "Thank you. For being that honest with me."   
His hand gently left her cheek, floating back to his side.   
"I think we should like…talk," Liz said.   
Max frowned, tilting his head slightly to the side with an amused smile playing in the corners of his mouth. "Isn't that what we are doing right now?"   
Liz blushed. "Right. Right." Suddenly she was nervous. Her hands were sweaty and there was the nervous warmth spreading inside her body.   
"Uhm… About the heart…thing."   
His expression turned somber again and he nodded. "Yeah… We probably should."   
"Since it's, like," she brushed a free wisp of hair behind her ear, staring at some spot on his shirt, "really weird that I'm, like…" She took a deep breath and met his eyes with a self-conscious smile. "Sorry. I'm babbling."   
"Could you tell me what it was like?"   
With the self-conscious smile turning slightly confused, she asked, "What what was like?"   
"Your life. Could you tell me something about how it was like… to live with a heart disease?"   
"Really?"   
"Please."   
  
There was something about the seriousness in his plea that told her that it was very important to him to hear this. She brushed a strand of hair behind her ear, suddenly very nervous with the prospect of baring her life to him. She was suddenly very aware of what it would mean if she told him about her life. It would automatically move them to another level of intimacy and considering how he had reacted the last time they had started to get close – dangerously close – she wasn't so sure she wanted him to know. Maybe it would be for the best if they just didn't cross that last barrier. Giving him the facts of her life would make her even more vulnerable and it would give him more reasons to stay away, to end this, whatever it was, once and for all.   
"Uhm…" She took a deep breath and Max noticed the hesitation in her eyes.   
"If you don't want to tell me you don't have to."   
Liz started to shake her head. "No no. That's not it. I want to tell you. It's just…"   
He nodded slowly, understanding yet not really understanding.   
"It's just that I don't want you to… I mean, I don't want to…"   
Max's hand over hers made her voice trail off and she looked up at him tentatively. The warmth from his hand was blazing into her skin, but still it had a calming effect on her.   
"It's just that…there's really not much to tell."   
"Have you…told anyone about it?"   
"About me possibly having…" Her voice trailed off, uncertain about actually saying her name. His wife's name.   
He nodded, oddly grateful that she hadn't said more, but had let it stay hidden in the silence.   
Liz shook her head. "No. I haven't told anyone. I'm still having difficulties believing it myself. I mean… What are the odds really that we were to meet?"   
Her last words were drowned in the loud howling of the wind swishing by the house.   
  
The storm was coming.   
  
"I guess I'm not returning now, am I?" Liz asked, hinting towards the noise. A flash of fear and raw panic flickered over Max's face as he was reminded of the terror he had felt when he had thought she had been hurt. There was a brief, but burningly sharp, sting in his heart when he also remembered another accident, when his loved ones hadn't returned.   
"Max?"   
Her concerned voice brought him back to the present.   
"No, I guess not," he answered, his voice weak and unsteady.   
"Max…" she breathed, fear and worry naked in her voice as her eyes were transfixed on his hands. "You're shaking."   
The answer was automatic, as natural to him as his next breath. "I'm fine."   
He could almost see the cog-wheels spinning in her head and with a deep-rooted fear of what her next question might be, and he hurried to guard himself. "Please don't, Liz. I can't talk about it."   
"I wasn't expecting you to," Liz answered, but even though he hadn't known her for very long, he could sense the lie in her words. She _had_ wanted him to talk. She wanted to 'help' him, like his sister had tried to for years. But no one could help him. He didn't want to return. He didn't want their help. He didn't want their sympathy or their compassion.   
  
She could sense his withdrawal even before he started to rise from the couch. Her hands automatically fell away from his thighs and she was thrown straight into a battle between her heart and mind. She felt the unrelenting need to stop him. To say something. But she couldn't come up with anything to say.   
"You shouldn't go back now," Max said, swaying slightly on still shaky legs.   
"Okay," Liz whispered and she felt tears sting her eyes, something that surprised her. There was a loneliness surrounding Max as he walked unsteadily into the kitchen. She found herself still on her knees in front of the couch, watching his retreating back. She didn't know what to do to reach out to him. He was pulling away. Every time she was on the border of having him say something significant, he pulled away.   
She rose, her now sore knees protesting against suddenly having to unfold, and moved towards the telephone. Picking up the receiver, which for some reason was laying outside the cradle of the phone, she dialed Maria's number. Not many signals later, Maria picked up.   
"Liz?! Oh my God! Are you okay?"   
"Yeah," Liz answered, a little taken aback by Maria's reaction.   
"God, couldn't you have called me earlier? I was freaking out here. I've even called Kevin, but he didn't know where you were-"   
"You know where I was," Liz said, confused.   
But Maria just continued talking, not having noticed Liz's statement. "-and after Max's phone call-"   
  
"Max called you?"   
"Yes, he's the one who got me all riled up. He didn't actually say that something had happened to you, but it was just the way he was speaking- God Liz! What happened? Are you okay?"   
"I'm okay," Liz said softly, her eyes wandering to Max's hunched figure slowly moving around in the kitchen, "There was this accident on the news and Max thought it was me. That was why he was…"   
"Calling me," Maria filled in, understanding in her voice. "God Liz, he scared the crap out of me. I've never heard anyone that afraid before. Is he okay?"   
Her eyes resting on Max as he opened the refrigerator door for the third time, without picking something out, and then closing it again, she whispered in response. "I don't know. I don't know, Maria."   
  
  
"You can never escape getting hurt, you know."   
Max swirled around towards the voice, the sound of Liz's voice fading into the background. Tess was sitting on the edge of the kitchen table, her legs dangling over the edge, her eyes cool and indifferent. She wasn't the same angel she used to be to him. Her appearance had changed since her last "visit". The usually perfect blonde curls were tangled together and her usually spotless white dress had streaks of black dirt.   
Taking a deep breath, Max walked up to the refrigerator and opened the door, deciding to ignore her. If he ignored her she would disappear. Right?   
"You can try to forget me, but you won't."   
His eyes drifted close against her voice and he closed the door to the refrigerator.   
"She shouldn't be here, Max. What is she doing here? This is our home. You can't invite her here."   
Max glanced over at Liz, painful longing coursing through him as his eyes drifted over her frame.   
"She doesn't belong here."   
Max took a deep breath, his hand rubbing his forehead. "Go away," he mumbled.   
"She will only hurt you. You know that. That's what you are afraid of. You are afraid that if you trust her with your heart, she's going to destroy it. You're afraid that something is going to happen to her. Am I right?"   
Max looked up at Tess. His mind was being torn between wanting her to stay and wanting her to leave. But maybe the first was just automatic, after two years of wanting her to come back so much that his mind had started to conjure up the image of her, and it was easier to not let go. It was safer that way.   
Tess' beautiful features darkened with the suspicious frown on her forehead. "You are thinking about letting her in, aren't you? Max. You can't."   
"I know," Max whispered.   
"She might die."   
His voice was merely a croak as he whispered his agreement. "I know."   
"It's easier to just stay here. With me… and Josh. No one can hurt you here. You're safe here."   
Max's eyes searched out Liz again and, with desperation, longing and fear mixed up in one glance, he nodded.   
"Max? Stop that."   
The warning tone in her voice made him turn his head back to her. She hopped down from the table and started to walk towards him. His breath was starting to strain painfully in his chest as she got closer and he felt the smallest hint of repulsion. Something that he had never felt before.   
"You love me," Tess said, her face close to his. "Don't ever forget that."   
  
"Max?"   
His breath caught in his throat and he turned around, finding Liz looking at him, bewildered. He turned around quickly, but Tess was gone. Before he turned to look at Liz again, he tried to get his breathing under control and to force himself back to reality. The reality where Tess was dead and Liz was very much alive.   
"Max?"   
The fear in her voice made him turn back to her.   
"Are you okay?" she asked, her fearful and worried eyes searching his face.   
He nodded mutely, transfixed by her face. She was so beautiful. He could smell the soft fragrance of the soap she used, surrounding her. Without really thinking about what he was doing, his hand moved out to graze the skin of her cheek. He needed to feel the warmth of her skin. His hand drifted down her neck, to the pulse he could feel beating there. Feeling the life in her.   
"Max?"   
His eyes wandered back to her eyes, her beautiful dark eyes. He was unaware of the tears running down his cheeks, the tears that had frightened Liz. He was oblivious to the desperation and fear in his eyes, which made Liz's heart beat faster with worry. His hand traveled back to her cheek, his other hand simultaneously moving up to her other cheek, gently capturing her face between his strong hands. Instinctively, he stepped closer to her, feeling the warmth of her body brushing against his own body. She was looking up at him wordlessly, the concern still stark and raw in her eyes. His thumbs brushed against her cheeks, causing goose bumps to spread over her skin. With one final look into her eyes, one final attempt to resist what his whole being was crying out for, he relinquished and his lips touched hers. His body sighed in relief while also tensing in guilt. Her lips were so soft, so warm, so inviting. He could feel her responding to his kiss. He felt her arms move around his waist and his body gasped with something powerful moving inside of his body and slowly starting to break holes in the hard crust around his heart. His hands tightened around her face, bringing her closer to him, his kiss growing more urgent as he tried to shut out the darkness and coldness inside of him.   
"Max…" Her soft moan made his heart jerk violently in his chest and he could feel the touch of her lips over his whole body. As if she wasn't just kissing his lips, but his entire soul. Slowly, her touch was coaxing the ashes of his insides back into solid embers.   
"Max…" Her whisper was different this time, begging and worried. But he didn't notice. His lips had left hers and were traveling down her jaw line, caressing, sucking; kissing his way over her skin.   
  
"Max…"   
He pushed the feelings of anxiety to the back of his head and ignored her attempts to bring him back from the physical pleasures. The tears, which he was denying, were falling on her shoulder when he pushed her sweater to the side in the search of more bare skin.   
"Please, Max…"   
It was the teary quality of her voice that finally reached him, but it didn't stop his assault on her body. It didn't remove the fear of breaking down. It spurted a response in the opposite direction. Almost roughly, his lips returned to her s, trying to crawl inside of her. Maybe it was warmer there. He wanted to move into the warmth of her soul and sleep. He just wanted to sleep. He denied her arms as they tried to push him away. At first, they were gentle, trying to guide him to take the step away on his own, but when he didn't respond, she pushed harder.   
  
And he lost contact.   
  
The coldness washing over him was so deafening and smothering that he couldn't resist it any longer. With a heart-wrenching wail his body crashed into hers, his head falling onto her shoulders, his arms forming a tight hold around her waist, his body sagging against her. Liz stumbled back against the wall; trying to support Max's shaking body. His devastated and lonely sobs cut through her heart and she stopped trying to fight him. Her body sagged under his and they both sunk to the floor. She held him, trying to soothe the demons haunting him, without really understanding the extent of his destroyed mind. All she could do was to be there for him and maybe be able to prevent the guilt and sorrow from devouring him.   
  
  
TBC...


	29. Chapter 29

_Hey everyone!_

_I'm so sorry for the wait and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for your patience. Here, finally, are some new chapters…_

_hugs_

_Jo_

**Chapter 29**  
  
Liz looked over at Max's sleeping form, her eyes lingering on the lines on his face that not even sleep were able to smooth out, before moving out of the bedroom. She had managed to help him to his bed. He had been exhausted. She had been forced to pry his hands away from her because, even in his sleep, he wouldn't let go of her. She really didn't want to leave him, but she needed to make this phone call. She found a phone book on the shelf under the phone in the living room. It was not difficult to find Isabel's phone number. Balancing the receiver on her shoulder, she dialed the number, waiting for someone to pick up.  
  
"Whitman's residence."  
"Alex?"  
"This is he."  
"Hi, this is Liz Parker."  
"Oh, hi Liz. To what do I owe the pleasure of this phonecall?"  
"Uhm… Actually, could I speak to Isabel? Is she there?"  
"Sure. Hang on a sec and I'll get her."  
"Thanks."  
She heard the receiver being put down and Alex's muffled voice in the background as he called for his wife. When she heard someone approaching the phone, Liz took a deep breath, trying to prepare herself for what was to come.  
"Hello?"  
"Isabel, hi. This is Liz."  
There was a pause before Isabel answered, "Oh. Hi Liz."  
"How are you?"  
"What do you want, Liz?" Isabel was obviously not interested in chit chatting.  
"It's about Max."  
"Right. I explicitly told you to stay away and then I find you sleeping together-"  
"We weren't 'sleeping together', Isabel."  
"Well, you looked very cozy."  
"I need to speak to you about something, Isabel. Could you just put your opinions about me to the side and just listen to me?"  
  
A strained pause echoed between them before Isabel answered. "What is it?"  
"Max needs help-"  
"If you're going to say that he needs _your_ help, I'm-"  
"He needs professional help, Isabel," Liz interrupted. "Has he ever been to therapy after his wife and son's deaths?"  
"This is really none of your business, Liz. We can take care of Max. We've been there for him for several years."  
"Please Isabel. Has he ever seen a therapist?"  
The stubborn silence told of Isabel trying to swallow her pride. Liz took the silence as Isabel not wanting to answer and thus continued, "Don't you see that he needs help? He's falling apart. I definitely don't know him as well as you do, but even I can see that he isn't well."  
"We found a therapist for him just after the accident," Isabel said, her voice weaker. "After three times he stopped going. We couldn't make him go."  
"And he's had no therapy after that?"  
Isabel's voice was filled with guilt as she answered, "No."   
"Have you talked to him about the accident at all?"  
Isabel quickly changed from being guilty to defensive. "He doesn't let us talk to him. He doesn't let anyone in."  
"That's why he should seek professional help."  
"He won't go!" Isabel practically screamed. Who was this woman, who was trying to teach her how to take care of her own brother?  
  
"Liz?"  
Liz looked up, seeing Max standing in the doorway, looking at her with confusion, signs of sleep still evident not only in the wrinkles of his clothes but also his hair and tired eyes. Liz looked at him, wondering how much he had heard.  
"Uhm… Isabel? I need to go."  
"Is Max there?" Isabel immediately asked. "Put him on."  
"I don't think that such a good idea," Liz said looking up at Max. He was watching her in a way that made chills run down her spine. And it wasn't the good kind of chills. The momentary confusion had run off him and Liz could gradually see understanding dawning on his face.  
"What? No, he's my brother, Liz. I need to speak to him."  
"I'll talk to you later," Liz said absently and hung up, cutting off Isabel's hurried protests.  
"What are you doing?" Max asked as soon as the receiver was in the cradle.  
"Just making a phone call," Liz answered vaguely.  
"To whom?" Max asked, his tone light but his eyes suspicious.  
"No one, no one important," Liz said, her voice being hushed to nearly a whisper, withering under Max's penetrating look.  
Max inhaled deeply. "I know that you were talking to my sister, Liz. I could _hear_ her."  
Liz's eyes dropped, studying the floor, before taking a deep breath and looking up at him. Squaring her shoulders, she calmly said, "Yes. It was your sister."  
"Why are you talking to my sister?"  
"I needed to talk to her about something."  
"What?"  
"It's private," Liz said weakly.  
Max's eyes narrowed and his tone grew harsher. "What, Liz?"   
"You."  
  
There was no change in his expression and for a second Liz wondered if he had heard her or not. But she didn't have to wonder for long.  
"I don't need any help."  
"How did you-"  
"I can't stand more people tiptoeing around me and trying to make me feel better," Max said, his voice cold.  
"Those 'people' are only trying to help you, Max."  
"Well, they aren't. And I don't want you to start as well. I don't want you helping me, Liz."  
His words hurt her tremendously. He was refusing her help, refusing her support and her care, and it hurt beyond words that he didn't trust her enough to do that.  
"God, Max!" Liz exclaimed. "Why won't you let us help you? You are falling apart."  
"Now you sound just like Isabel."  
"Why?" Liz demanded.  
Max turned away and started for the kitchen. Liz frowned and followed him. "Why Max?"  
"She's always trying to dictate my life. Thinks she knows best."  
"She's only looking out for you."  
Max spun around, making Liz's breath catch in her throat as his face appeared very close to hers, hisburning eyes digging into hers. "She treats me like a two-year-old for God's sake!"  
"Maybe that's because you act like a two-year-old," Liz snapped and instantly regretted what she said.  
Hurt flashed through his eyes and he shook his head, disappointed disbelief lingering in his every movement. Liz took a deep breath and decided to continue. At least she had coaxed a reaction from him.  
  
"Maybe you should stop being so focused on yourself and start to see all the people around you. You don't know what you have, Max. You don't see how much everyone cares for you, because you're too busy pushing everyone away."  
"You don't know a thing about me," Max whispered through clenched teeth, his face so close to hers that she could feel his warm breath against her face.  
"I know that you are letting your demons devour you. You don't even fight against it. You just let it happen. One day you're going to wake up and realize that everyone is gone. That is, if you haven't fallen apart before that."  
"I don't have to listen to this," Max said, stepping away from her.  
"Yes, you do," Liz said forcefully. "You can't just run away."  
"I don't want to listen to you," Max said.  
"It might have worked with Isabel, but I'm not letting you go," Liz said, her voice more hushed, but the determination comes out loud and clear. "You can't push me away, Max. Because I won't let you."  
Max snorted and looked at her like she had just announced that she is leading a double life as a turtle. When he was met with the seriousness in her face, he slowly sat down on one of the chairs.  
"Why are you doing this, Liz?" he croaked. "You are destroying it."  
Liz swallowed at the loneliness in his voice and took a step closer to the chair he was occupying. "What am I destroying, Max?"  
He looked up at her with sadness. "Us."   
A sad smile made some lifeless twitching attempts in the corners of her mouth. "I thought you said that there was no 'us'."  
His eyes dropped at that and his gaze focused on the floor he whispered, so softly that she had to strain to hear him. "I died inside…"  
She could almost feel the blood freeze in her body and she slowly lowered herself to her knees in front of him and looked up at him, willing him to open his eyes with her presence. "No, _Tess_ died. Maybe a part of you died, but you are still alive."  
  
He looked at her, into her, his eyes searching their way into the very core of her being. It was really just a simple thing that she had said, but it changed something inside of him. His perspective changed and before he could stop himself, the words were out of his mouth. "I see her."  
Liz frowned in confusion. "See who?"  
"Tess. I see Tess."   
"What do you mean you 'see Tess'." Her concern for his mental health skyrocketed when she was slowly putting the pieces together of the hidden meaning of what he was saying.  
"I…" He lost track of what he was saying when he saw the understanding dawn in her eyes and he just realized that this wasn't exactly the best thing to reveal to her when he didn't want her to think he was crazy. "I… forget it."  
"No," Liz said, trapping his skittering eyes. "What do you mean?"  
"You'll think I'm crazy," he said.  
"I won't," she promised softly, even though the sound of her heart was throbbing in her ears, emphasizing the fear of what his next words would confirm.  
Max hesitated, but realizing that it was probably too late now, he started talking. "She just appears sometimes. Talking to me."  
Liz nodded slowly, trying not to let the fear show itself on her face. "And you talk to her?"  
Max answered with a nod and turned his face away, suddenly feeling mentally insane under the scrutiny of her eyes. He could feel the worry and fear in her eyes even though he knew she was trying to hide it from him.  
"I know that she isn't real," he whispered.  
"Okay," she breathed, his words giving her some relief, but not easing the fear.  
"But I can't…" his breath wheezed in his air pipes and his head fell back as he agonized looked up at the ceiling, "I can't stop her. I can't make her go away."  
Liz looked at him in silence for a long while, before capturing his face in her hands and forcing him to look at her. "Yes, you can." Every word was emphasized, trying to give him the strength that he was lacking.   
  
"How?" he whispered desperately. Her heart ached with the lost look in his eyes. It was the look of a man who had tried everything and failed, the look of a man who was about to give up completely.  
"Tell her to go away-"  
"I have. It doesn't work-"  
"No, tell her to go away," Liz repeated, putting more weight on her words. He opened his mouth to speak against her, when her words started to sink in.  
"You have to mean it," Liz said and her hand moved down his cheeks, his throat, to come to rest over his heart. "You have to mean it in here. She won't let go of you until you've let go of her. She's a part of you, Max, and you are the only one that can stop her from taking over your life."  
"Maybe she already has," Max said, looking down in Liz's face, watching the light play over her features. It was as if he was seeing her from the first time. She wasn't rejecting him. She wasn't pushing him away. But most importantly, she wasn't letting _him_ push her away.  
"I don't think so," she answered him softly. "Because then you wouldn't be telling me this."  
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry about before. And everything I've done since the moment we met."  
Liz looked into his regretful eyes and shook her head. "Don't. Don't be sorry. Just let me help."  
His eyes dropped at this and she could feel her heart waver at the movement. The fear that he was going to push her away again was so raw that it frightened her. When had she started to care so much about him that she was clinging to his every word like was her lifeline? When had it changed?  
"I'm…" he took a deep breath and searched for the right word to describe what was tumbling up to the surface in her presence, everything that was released when she was around. "…scared."  
"I'm scared too," Liz whispered. "I'm really scared that I won't be able to help you."  
"So you called Isabel?"  
"Yeah," Liz said softly. "I called Isabel. I wanted to ask her if you've ever sought professional help. You know; therapy."  
  
He couldn't help but be hurt by her statement. She had called his sister instead of asking him directly. "Am I really that closed off?"  
Liz met his tortured expression and shook her head, trying to ease his worry. "No."  
"Liz… I need you to be completely honest with me."   
"You want to know my most holy secrets?" Liz asked, with the hint of a smile crossing her face.  
"If you want to tell me, you have my permission," Max said, teasing in his voice and Liz relaxed. She froze when she realized that her hands were still resting on him; one cradling his cheek, the other pressing against his chest. Slowly, regretfully, she removed her hands. She didn't miss the disappointment in his eyes, but it could also have been her imagination playing tricks on her.  
Her truth was soft and quiet. "I don't want to hurt you…"  
He nodded, understanding her fears because it was such a big part of himself. Her next words trapped the air inside his lungs. "I'm so afraid of being compared to… Tess."   
He stared at her, knowing that that was exactly what he had been doing, not realizing it until then. He _had_ been comparing Liz to Tess. Trying to find out if his feelings for Liz were strong enough to replace his love for Tess. Trying to find out if he would be able to give up Tess for Liz and why. He hadn't been aware of all the comparisons he had made, but now he realized that he had made many. All the time. He had compared how Liz had been fiddling with her ring to how Tess used to fiddle with her hair. He had compared how Tess would always sit properly on a chair and how Liz always curled up, with one leg against her chest or dangling over the armrest. He had even compared how they smelled, how they tasted, what their skin felt like under his fingers.  
  
He could feel the bile rise in his throat with the realization. He felt sick with himself. He quickly rose from the chair, stumbling backwards. Liz looked up at him, recognizable fear in her eyes.  
"Don't walk away from me. Max? Please don't."  
"I need to…" Max stuttered, gesturing towards the door. He continued out to the front door and Liz scrambled up from her chair to follow him, to stop him. Quickly, he put on his running shoes, ignoring her hand as she placed it on his arm. Shaking it off, he opened the door, even before he was completely finished with tying his shoes.  
"Max? Where are you going?"  
He ignored the fear in her voice that made his heart constrict painfully. He denied the impulse to bury himself in her arms and seek comfort there.  
"Out."  
With Liz's last pleading words echoing in his head he left.   
  
TBC...


	30. Chapter 30

**Chapter 30**  
  
"Liz," came Isabel's gentle response. "He doesn't want to talk to you."  
She had been given the same reply for three weeks now, but it didn't lessen the pang of hurt every time Isabel would answer her. Liz wasn't sure why she kept asking, why she didn't just give up. Why couldn't she just let Max go and move on with her life?  
  
The answer was always the same. She didn't want to. She didn't want to give up on him. He needed someone to believe in him and even though it hurt her that he didn't want to talk to her, that he hadn't spoken to her since he ran out of his house three weeks ago, she would continue to try and make contact with him. Sometime he had to answer her.  
  
Right?  
  
There was another reason to it as well, that she wasn't that eager on acknowledging, because that mere acknowledgement would make her too vulnerable.  
  
Liz swallowed, hearing the empathy in Isabel's voice. She and Isabel had developed something of a friendship during the last couple of weeks. Isabel had after a while been forced to realize that Liz wouldn't give up on Max and she had become the messenger, the link between Max and Liz. There were some things that Isabel didn't tell Liz; some things about Max's condition that was not only too difficult to voice, but too hard to think about. She suspected that Liz knew that she was withholding some information, but Liz never pushed. She always respected Isabel's answers and never pushed for information that wasn't hers to have.  
  
"How's therapy going?" Liz asked, biting her lower lip.  
"It's fine," Isabel answered, her chest tightening. Therapy wasn't fine. Isabel had visited the therapist numerous times to find out just what he was doing to Max. The therapeutic sessions seem to do more harm than good, considering the destroyed state Max was in when he came home. But Isabel always received the same reply. It was only natural for Max to get worse before he got better. He was finally facing all of his demons and getting better wouldn't be a walk in the park.  
  
Max had taken a leave from his work and moved in with Isabel, Alex and Michelle. It had been with much reluctance though, since he knew that Isabel would be watching over him like an overprotective mother hen. But after a week of going to therapy he had stopped eating and barely slept. He and Isabel had gotten into a big fight and Isabel had pulled away, angry with her brother because he was so stubborn. It had required a call from Liz to make Isabel swallow her pride and go back to Max and force him to move in with her. At least he was eating now, but Isabel knew that he still wasn't sleeping very well. She could hear him wandering around the house in the middle of the night. He was moody all the time, barely speaking to anyone. He spent most of his time in his room, with the door locked.  
  
"How is he really doing, Isabel?"  
The seriousness in Liz's voice put Isabel's distracted train of thought to a drastic halt. Liz had never actually asked the question before and Isabel could hear from the tone in her voice that Liz knew that something was wrong. That she had known for some while.  
"He's fine, Liz. He's doing a lot better."  
There was a pause at the other end of the line, before Liz answered. "Isabel, I know that he is not okay. Please, I need to know the truth."  
"Liz…" Isabel sighed. "You don't want to know-"  
"Yes, I do, Isabel," Liz said adamantly. "I'm so…" She swallowed back the sudden mess of emotions clogging her throat, "I'm so afraid that he won't be able to sort this out."  
Isabel sank down on the chair behind her. Her mind was in conflict about what to do. Should she confide in Liz about Max's condition? She hadn't even been able to talk to Alex about her fears, but she guessed that he already knew. Anyone with eyes could see that Max wasn't doing any better.  
"Me too," Isabel whispered.  
"Then tell me, Isabel. Please."  
"I'm…" She took a deep breath and just decided to give Liz the truth. "He isn't Max anymore. At least before he was talking to me. Now he's just…not here."  
"But it has to be better than when he was in denial," Liz said.  
Isabel sighed, rubbing her forehead tiredly. "I'm not so sure anymore, Liz."  
  
"Have you talked to the therapist?"  
"He won't give me any information. Client confidentiality."   
"Right," Liz sighed, mimicking Isabel's movements on the other end of the line, sitting down and rubbing her hand over her forehead. "Does he talk to you at all?"  
"Max?"  
"Yeah."  
"No… He barely says three words a day."  
"But… He has to be getting better."  
"I don't know why he isn't improving. He's always locked up in his room. He won't let anyone in. It feels like I… like I don't even know him anymore. It's like I have a stranger in my home instead of my brother."  
"I'm coming over," Liz said without hesitation.  
"What? No, Liz. You can't. He's not ready to deal with you now."  
"Isabel, if it continues like this he won't be ready to ever deal with me. I'm coming over."  
She left no room for protest; still Isabel tried her best to get Liz onto other thoughts.  
"You haven't seen Max. You don't know the state he's in."  
"I want to see him, Isabel. I've tried to stay away, but I can't. Not anymore."  
"Why, Liz? Why can't you just leave him alone? He's not your responsibility. We never asked for your help."  
"_He_ did," Liz said quietly.  
Isabel answered with silence.  
"He was afraid that I would leave him. He told me some things, Isabel, and he was afraid that I would think he was crazy and that I would leave him. Now he's… He's is probably thinking that's what I've done. That I've abandoned him."  
The pain in Liz's voice struck something inside of Isabel and even though she was afraid for her brother, something told her that Liz might be the only one to help him out of whatever darkness he had fallen into.  
  
"Okay, come over. He's not home right now, but try in an hour."  
Liz felt her heart quickening at Isabel's permission. She had been thinking about paying Max a visit for a while now, but the magnitude of what that would mean just hit her and it left her shaking in the aftermath. By some miracle, she managed to keep her voice stable and calm when she answered, "Okay. I'll see you then-"  
"Uhm… No," Isabel said. "I have a PTA meeting to attend, so I won't be there."  
"Oh," Liz said, feeling her chest constrict and for the first time in three weeks she wondered if it was such a good idea to go to Max.   
"Liz? You okay?"  
"Yeah, uhm… I'll be there. Just don't tell Max that I'm coming."  
"Okay," Isabel agreed, understanding Liz's reasons for withholding that piece of information from her brother. Max would probably run away and hide if he knew that Liz would come, just like he always did.  
  
"I'll leave the key under the pot next to the front door," Isabel said. "Let yourself in, because I doubt that Max will answer the door."  
Liz swallowed. What condition was Max really in?  
"Okay," she agreed weakly.

-----------------------------------------------

"Having fun yet?"  
Max did not move. He did not acknowledge the voice at all. On some level, he knew that Tess was not sitting on the bed just then, looking at him with a sarcastic smile lingering on her lips, twirling one of her blonde curls between her fingers. During the tedious weekly therapeutic hour, he had no problem understanding what the therapist was telling him. It actually sounded logical. Tess was a figure of his imagination. He was still seeing her because he wasn't ready to let her go so he conjured up the image of her for comfort and as a way to escape reality. Dr. Liggins made it sounds so easy. All Max had to do to get healthy again was to let go.  
  
He had to let go.  
  
That was all. But it was the hardest thing he ever had to do. He wanted to, but he wasn't prepared to. He wasn't prepared to deal with the silence and the loneliness that he would be left with. He wasn't prepared to be alone with himself and his thoughts. He had been in that place, after the funeral, and he never wanted to return there again. It was better this way, in the company of his wife.  
  
He glanced over his shoulder at her, before turning back to the magazine in front of him that he wasn't reading anyway. Slowly, his eyes drifted closed. If he just listened to her voice, he could pretend that she was really there. That she wasn't just something his mourning mind was making up. Then he could smell the soft scent of cinnamon surrounding her and feel the presence of her warm body next to him. Then he could pretend that he wasn't pretending and he could ignore what the logical part of his mind was desperately trying to warn him of.  
  
Dr. Liggins said it was self-destructive.  
  
According to the therapist, Tess was personifying Max's conscience and the fact that she was gradually becoming less like the person she had been in real life was Max's way of punishing himself. It was his conscience that was letting him know that to stop grieving Tess and Josh was wrong. And it was destroying his mind. Devouring him from the inside out. At least, that was what it felt like.  
  
So he didn't push her away. He spent days locked up in his room, talking to someone who didn't even exist so that he wouldn't go insane. What would Dr. Liggins say about that logic if he knew? But Dr. Liggins didn't know. Max was scared that if the therapist knew, he would help him to remove Tess, and that was the last thing Max wanted.  
  
"Are you thinking about her?"  
Sighing, Max shook his head.  
"I know you are."  
He involuntarily shivered as her voice grew colder. He couldn't recognize her anymore, something that he tried very hard to deny. Lately, her eyes had turned dark and lifeless, and she was tainted with a nauseating smell of decay. She didn't laugh and her remarks were spiteful. But he had to hold on to the belief that it was going to return to the way it was before. That he would see her smile again and hear her laughter. That hope was the only thing keeping him going. That and-  
"Liz. What is so special about her, Max? She left you. She abandoned you when you needed her the most."  
Max buried his head in his hands at her words. He understood why Liz had stayed away. He was the one to run away. He was the one that pushed her away. But it hurt that she hadn't even tried to make him listen. She hadn't even tried to convince him that she would help him.  
"I don't want to talk about it," Max mumbled.  
He'd had the same conversations for days now and it was slowly driving him insane. He missed her. He missed her so much that it hurt. The problem was that it wasn't Tess he was missing. It was Liz. His whole being was aching for her, but he knew that he couldn't contact her. She would never come near him. He was damaged. He didn't recognize himself any longer and he didn't trust himself in the company of others. He had lost count of how many times he had yelled at Isabel. He wanted to be left alone. He wanted to crawl away from reality, far away where no one could find him.  
  
But his heart was telling him different. And Tess knew it. That was the main reason why she was plaguing him with it, over and over again. Playing on his insecurities, his guilt and his fear. Slowly driving him to the brink of insanity.  
  
"She doesn't care about you. She only pitied you. Let's face it, Max. No one wants you now."  
He knew it was true. He had stopped looking at himself in the mirror two weeks ago, because the stranger looking back at him scared him. That wasn't who he was. That wasn't who he had been. He'd had his whole life ahead of him. He had found his dream girl. He had married her and they'd had a beautiful son. It wasn't supposed to happen this way. His heart felt like a hollow void. He didn't even feel the aching anymore. He didn't care if he lived or died. To be honest, death seemed very tempting at the moment.  
  
Looking over at Tess, he wondered, not for the first time, if he would meet her in a better place if he gave up on this life. Would she return to the girl he fell in love with? He was ripped out of his dark thoughts by the sound of a door closing downstairs. He vaguely glanced at the clock, his muffled mind registering that Isabel was home early.  
"You are pathetic," Tess whispered, suddenly standing next to him. The stench of death crawled up his nostrils and he could feel the familiar stale taste of bile in his mouth. He wanted to run away, while simultaneously longing for her touch.  
"Everyone can see what a mess you are," Tess continued, "You should know what they are saying behind your back. What they really think about you. Do you really think that your sister likes to take care of you as if you were her child instead of her brother?"  
  
The next second, Tess was gone, replaced by the creaking sound of the door to his bedroom opening. It took his desensitized mind a couple of seconds before he realized that Isabel had changed her hair color and that she was smaller than usual. It took him a couple of seconds before he realized that it was not his sister but Liz Parker standing in the doorway.  
  
TBC... 


	31. Chapter 31

**Chapter 31**  
  
Nothing could have prepared her for the sight of the shell of a human being standing before her. Even in the almost complete darkness coating the room she could see the sickly grayish pallor of his skin and the haunted look in his eyes. She could see how the skin stretched over his cheekbones and the absence of fat underneath. If he hadn't been standing up, his hand grasping the side of the desk behind him convulsively, she would've thought he was dead.  
"My God… Max," she breathed. Tears were seeking themselves out of her eyes, escaping the suffocating guilt being lowered over her chest.  
His eyes were moving over her, but there was something disconcerting in his eyes, making her very uncomfortable. It made her want to take a step back. Suddenly the dark person in front of her seemed haunted and frightening. Threatening.  
  
But she didn't move. She willed her trembling legs to remain rooted to the floor, neither moving forward or backwards.  
"What are you doing here?"  
The first thing that struck her about that question wasn't the coldness of how it was delivered, but his voice. It was when she heard his voice that she knew that she wasn't talking to the same Max Evans that had frantically been searching after his little niece in a shopping mall. It wasn't the Max Evans who had so gently hold Michelle and kissed her on the forehead. It wasn't the same Max Evans who had hold on to Liz so tightly, afraid that if he didn't he would drown in his own guilt. The Max Evans standing before her had already drowned.  
  
"I…I…" Fear was coursing through her body. She was standing in front of a stranger and she didn't know at all how he would react. She'd had a feeling that Max was in a bad place from the sporadic conversations with Isabel, but she had never been able to foresee this.  
"You don't belong here."  
Liz blinked, making tears cascade down her cheeks. "Max, please…"  
"Leave, Liz." He turned his back towards her, and she had to strain to hear his next words. "I don't want you here."  
"I want to be here," she whispered.  
She could see his back tensing and there was a moment of shivering silence before he answered. "No, you don't. You don't want to be here, Liz."  
Liz forced her fear back and took a step forward. "Isabel is worried about you, Max. I…I'm worried about you."  
"I'm fine. I'm doing perfectly fine. You can report that back to Isabel."  
"Don't do this," Liz pleaded, taking another step further into the room.  
"Don't come any closer." His whispered plea put an abrupt halt to her progress. The change in his voice made hope flare to life inside of her. Maybe he was still in there. Maybe it wasn't too late.  
  
"Why?" she asked softly.  
She could see his hands moving over the desk, but his back was shielding his actions from her.  
"I can't do this," Max said. "Leave me alone. I don't want your sympathy or your pity."  
"I'm not-"  
"I don't want to see you ever again," Max snapped.  
Liz shrunk back, the sound of her heart thundering in her ears. Every part of her mind wanted to run away from there, to protect herself. But she wouldn't let herself do that.  
"Stop shutting me out," she said, trying to remain calm, even though she could feel a frightening tightening in her chest.  
"I just want to be left alone!" Max yelled. He spun around on his heels and pinned Liz with his eyes, which were very different from the listless eyes she had seen earlier. These were filled with rage. She stumbled backwards when he advanced on her, like a lion hunting down its prey. "Why can't you leave me alone?!"  
He grabbed her harshly by the upper arms and pushed her up against the wall. She could feel his hot breath in her face, her body being immobilized by him pinning her arms against the wall.  
"Max, you're scaring me," she sobbed, feeling the haltering beat of her heart as fear of what he might do numbed her.  
"I want you to disappear from my life, you hear me?" his voice was low and menacing, his eyes driving into hers. "I don't need your help or your support. I don't need anyone."  
She tried to shake the dizziness away. "Let me go, Max."  
"Do you hear me? I want you to leave. And tell Isabel that I don't appreciate her sending spies."  
Nausea was building up in her throat and she found herself gasping for oxygen. "What has happened to you, Max? You don't mean what you're saying."  
The emotion passed so quickly in his eyes, that she would've missed it if he hadn't been so close. Fear.  
  
"Just leave," he said and she could feel his grip on her arms lessening. But when he wasn't there to hold up her body any longer, her legs gave away under her. She caught a glimpse of the intense fear in his eyes, before her eyes drifted closed.  
"Liz!" She felt his grip on her arms again, but it was different this time. Gentler. She grabbed onto consciousness with all her might, while experiencing the strong protests of her heart.  
"P…p…pills," she gasped.  
She knew exactly where they were. Maria knew exactly where in her purse they were. The same place they had always been. Even Kevin knew. But Max didn't. Max didn't even know what was happening.  
His hand against her cheek and his frightening voice, bordering on panic, floating around her, she could feel herself being lowered to the floor.  
"P…pur...se:"  
She could feel the prickling pain in her right arm and she knew that she would pass out any second. Then she felt someone opening her mouth and something being placed on her tongue. Reflectively she swallowed, feeling the dryness scrape against her throat, her saliva not being enough to wash it down smoothly. She danced between silence and the sound of Max's voice for what seemed like an eternity, but in reality it was just a couple of minutes, before she opened her eyes and looked up into Max's brown eyes.  
  
"Liz," he whispered. She could feel his fingers pressing at the back of her head and she noticed how tears were glistering on his cheeks. She took a deep breath, her body still shaking.  
"Are you okay?" he choked. She nodded slowly, still returning to reality.  
"Your pulse is still too fast. It's beating irregularly."  
That's when she felt his fingers being pressed against the side of her throat, feeling her pulse.  
"Do you need some water?"  
His eyes were moving quickly over her, the words tumbling out of him with a speed that matched the intensity of worry his whole demeanor was emitting.  
She nodded again and without leaving her, he reached behind him and soon thereafter a glass was pressed gently against her lips. He added some pressure to the back of her head to help her tilt her head upwards. The water flowed soothingly down her throat, helping to calm her body. When he removed the glass, she tried to push herself up in sitting position. Max moved backwards, his arms helping her.  
"Are you okay?" Max asked again.  
"I'm…I'm getting there," Liz whispered, her voice very weak.  
  
"My God, Liz, I'm so sorry;" Max said. "I… God…" She could see all the emotions flickering over his face and all she could think about was that she wasn't strong enough to stop him from thinking everything he was obviously thinking right then. She didn't have the strength to stop him from blaming himself.  
"I don't know why I yelled at you like that. I've never done anything like that before. I don't know why I-"  
"Max," Liz whispered, shaking her head in an attempt to make him stop.  
"This is exactly why you can't be around me, Liz. Everything I touch is destroyed." He paused, the silence speaking volumes of whose lives he considered having destroyed.  
"It wasn't your fault, Max," Liz said gently, her statement holding double connotations.  
"I almost…" He choked on the word, an expression of utter disgust flickering over his features, "You could've died, Liz."  
"It's okay, Max-"  
"No, it's not," Max interrupted softly. "Your life is better without me in it complicating it."  
"I want you in my life, Max."  
Max opened his mouth to protest, but it was left hanging open when her words sunk in.  
"No, Liz. You don't want anything to do with-"  
"I know what I want," Liz whispered.  
  
_"Don't listen to her, Max."_  
  
Liz frowned as Max's head whirled around. She looked over his shoulder to see if there was someone there. There wasn't.  
  
_"She's the one that started all of this. If she hadn't arrived you and I would still be doing okay and you wouldn't be reduced to this pitiable human."_  
  
"Stop it!"  
Shivers ran down Liz's spine as Max shouted into the darkness. She lifted her hand to his chin and forced him to look at her. She inhaled sharply as she once again was met by the haunted look in his eyes.  
"Max? Who are you talking to?"  
He blinked and there was a second of confusion before his gaze cleared and he shook his head. "No one."  
  
_"Do you want to kill her too?"_  
  
Liz saw him tense and even though he didn't say anything, the way his head angled slightly over his shoulder made Liz frown with worry.  
  
_"She _is_ going to die, you know that don't you? If you stay with her, something is going to happen."_  
  
Liz watched with a ball of dread growing every bigger how Max started to close himself off. Her grip tightened on his chin and she once again forced him to meet her eyes.  
"Don't listen to her," Liz demanded. "Max? Do you hear me? Don't listen to a word she's saying."  
But she could see that she wasn't successful in breaking through the thick shield forming around him. Without a second thought, her hand reached behind his neck and she pulled him towards her, crashing her lips against his. His lips were cold and he felt numb and stiff against her. But she slowly moved her lips over his, coaxing him to respond to her. Silently in her mind, she begged him to stop thinking and just feeling. To let go. She didn't know what Tess was telling him right then, but she had a feeling that Tess was still present, because Max's resistance was high. He pulled away from her, shaking his head, but before he got a word out, Liz melted her lips with his again. Her heart skipped a beat when she could feel him respond to her and he leaned into her. His hands traveled into her hair, softly angling her head to gain greater access.  
  
The kiss was different from anything Liz had ever experienced. The few kisses Max and she had shared had all contained a twinge of desperation. There was no desperation in the way Max was kissing her now. He was slowly nibbling on her bottom lip, as if he was tasting her; familiarizing himself with the texture of her lips. It was slow and tender, and for the first time she got a taste of how it felt to have Max Evans' undivided attention.  
  
It was overwhelming.  
  
She could feel his attention and focus on her in her whole body. Then his tongue brushed against hers and her whole world seemed to implode. Her hands moved around his back, bringing him closer to her. She couldn't get enough of him. It wasn't until they broke apart due to lack of air that she realized that he was crying. Licking her swollen lips, she could taste the saltiness of his sorrow.  
"You okay?" she whispered, cupping his cheek with her small hand. He nodded, encircling her hand with his own before capturing her lips with his again.  
  
She wasn't really aware of how she got from the floor to the bed. She was lost in the sensations Max's touches were creating. His hands and fingers skimmed over her body, affecting her in a way that no one had ever done. Only one person had touched her like this before, and Kevin had never awoken the same feelings with the mere brush of a finger over her skin. Somewhere at the back of her head she knew that they shouldn't be doing this. She knew that this wouldn't help the situation and Max was in no condition to make this kind of commitment yet. But she couldn't stop herself. She had longed for his touch for so long. She had fantasized about him loving her, about him touching her in the way he was now, for months. He slowly pushed the bra straps of her shoulders, placing feathery kisses along her collarbone.  
"Max, we shouldn't-"  
But his lips on hers silenced her and all thoughts of reason flew out her mind as Max's hand cupped her breast, skin to skin. He moaned in her throat, his warm body pressing against her side. Her own fingers started to work on getting his shirt out of the way, the need to feel his skin under her fingers so strong it was almost suffocating. Their lips broke contact just long enough for her to get his shirt over his head. Her hands moved over his chest, exploring blindly as Max suckled on her throat.  
"God…" Max murmured. "God… Tess…"   
  
Liz stopped cold. Before Max understood what was happening Liz had scrambled out of his arms, pressing her half open shirt to her chest to shield her partial nudity. Max looked at her confused. "Liz, what..? Are you okay? Is it your heart?"  
"You…" She took a deep breath, her heart hurting from the fact that he had called her Tess, even though it seemed as if he wasn't aware of the mistake he had made. It didn't hurt any less that she knew that they had moved too quickly and she should've anticipated something like this to happen. "We can't do this, Max."  
She watched as the haze of passion lifted from his eyes and the fear returned to those amber eyes. There was realization in his eyes, before he asked grimly, "What did I say?"  
Liz pulled away, reaching behind her back to clasp her bra back into place, suddenly feeling very uncomfortable. "Nothing."  
"Liz, what happened?" Max asked again, pleading with her to answer.  
"We made a mistake," Liz whispered, biting back the hurt. "I… I should go."  
Max reached out with his hand and stopped her in the movement of getting off the bed. "Liz, I'm sorry if I… I guess I moved too fast. I just… I have-"  
Liz placed a finger against his lips to prevent him from saying anything more. "Let's take that another day, okay? I should go…"  
Max nodded. His somber expression stopped Liz and she turned to him concerned. "Are you okay?"  
His cheeks definitely had more color now than before, but he still looked like he was about to drop dead any second.   
"What did I do, Liz?" Max whispered, his eyes begging her for an answer.  
Liz looked at him in silence for a long time. "You have to heal, Max-"  
In just the fraction of a second, Max's face turned into stone. "You're leaving," he stated woodenly.  
"No," Liz said calmly. "I think I have to go home now, but I'm coming back."  
She couldn't really interpret his facial expression, but he nodded his answer and his hand reached out, taking hers and giving it a grateful light squeeze.  
  
The wisest decision might have been to stay with him and talk through what had happened. But she couldn't do it. She was too confused and it felt like she was about to start crying at any second if she didn't get out of there. She leaned forward and softly brushed her lips over his before buttoning up her shirt while simultaneously rising from the bed. She bent down to pick up the pills that had fallen out of the bottle when Max had hurried to get pills out, and put them back in her purse.  
  
She had only been there for no more than twenty minutes and yet so much had happened. She realized that much was still the same and even more than that would never be the same. It was with a heavy heart that she left Max to his dark, lonely existence.  
  
TBC...


	32. Chapter 32

_**Heya!**_

_**I'm so sorry for not updating for so long. Life has really been hectic and even if I really want to write the whole time, there's just not enough time for it. I do have, however, two new chapters for you. Thank you for being here!**_

_**Hugs,**_

_**Jo**_

**Chapter 32**

Maria quickly stepped out of the way when Liz stormed past her.  
"Hi Liz," she said casually, her eyes following her best friend's agitated entrance into her apartment. "What's up?"  
"I need to talk to you," Liz said quickly, her hands trembling as she sifted her fingers through her hair.  
"What happened?" Maria asked, concern starting to seep forward at the bad vibes she was getting from Liz.  
"I just…" Liz sighed and sank down on the couch, only to stand up again five seconds later. "I…"  
"It's about Max, isn't it?"  
Liz stilled in her movements and nodded.  
"You went to him," Maria stated.  
Liz nodded again.  
"Liz," Maria sighed.  
Liz exhaled loudly and sank down in one of the chairs. "I know. I just couldn't stay away any longer. I knew that I shouldn't go there, that I would only complicate things and that he needs to deal with the things from his past before… I knew that I would only make things worse. And I did."

The way her voice cracked with guilt and resignation made Maria sit down next to Liz and grab her hand in concern. Liz turned to look at her, tears building up in her eyes. "I can't stay away, Maria. I can't stay away. I want to help so much. If you had seen him, Maria… He's in so much pain and I cannot just stand by and not do anything. When Isabel told me that the therapy wasn't helping I couldn't sit around and wait for a miracle to happen anymore. I needed to go to him. He's…" Liz sniffled gratefully as Maria handed her a Kleenex. "He's so lost. So lost. And I don't know if he can… if he's ever gonna live again."  
"It can't be that bad," Maria whispered. Liz's behavior was scaring her. Liz was the eternal optimist. She always found a way to look at everything in a positive light. To see her so broken down and resigned sent chills down Maria's spine.  
"It was like I was his enemy," Liz whispered. "He scared me. But I couldn't leave, because I knew that it wasn't really him. The Max I've gotten glimpses of could never do that."  
"What did he do?" Maria asked fearfully.  
"It's not important," Liz answered, turning her head away. "What's important is that I just left. I just left him there. He needed someone to talk to, someone that would listen to him and I just left."

Maria's somber voice prompted Liz to look at her. "Liz, listen to me. You have to take care of yourself as well. You can't sacrifice yourself for his happiness. I believe you when you say that Max is lost. I've heard Michael talk about him and as you might have noticed Michael isn't very…uhm… talkative, but lately he's just been talking and talking. All about Max. He's worried about him. I believe that something is really wrong with him. Which is why I think that you should stay away, Liz. You just got out of a relationship and not to mention, you were just in the hospital."  
Liz lowered her eyes guiltily at this, thinking back to the episode she'd had earlier at Max's place. She used to be able to tell Maria everything, but that she didn't want Maria to know what had happened. She didn't want to give Maria any more reasons to convince her to stay away from Max.  
"You are not the one to heal him, Liz. He has to heal himself."  
The conversation was interrupted by Liz's cell phone going off. When Liz didn't answer, Maria frowned and gave her a pointed look. "Why aren't you answering?"  
Liz just shook her head. She really didn't feel like answering.  
"It might be important," Maria said.  
Liz's eyes closed at this. It might be Max.  
Her hand closed around the cell phone and after a couple of seconds of hesitation, she answered.  
"Liz, oh my God. Why didn't you answer?"  
Liz's back straightened and she pressed the cell phone closer to her ear. "Isabel? What's wrong?"  
"What happened when you were here?" Liz didn't miss the hint of accusation in Isabel's voice. "He won't open his door. He locked himself in there and I don't…" Isabel's sobs broke through and Liz was barely able to make out her last words. "I don't know if he's alive or not."

"Oh my-" Liz whispered.  
"What did you say to him, Liz?"  
"I'm-"   
"He won't even answer when I'm knocking on the door. Alex is considering breaking down the door."  
"You think he's…hurt himself?"  
"He's always answered me before, even if he locked the door. God, Liz. Why did you have to come here? He was doing just fine without you."   
Liz's heart sank and her head fell back against the chair.  
"He wasn't fine, Isabel," but her voice was shaking even as she was voicing it. Isabel was fueling Liz's self-blame and it was working like a charm.  
Liz jerked as Maria's cell phone went off. Liz tried to concentrate on the accusations Isabel was firing in her direction over the phone, but Maria's ever increasing voice level was a major distraction.   
"Just stay away, Liz. Okay? Just leave my brother alone!"  
And with that Isabel hung up, leaving Liz feeling hollow and cold. Isabel was right of course. Max didn't need another complication to his life. And Liz probably didn't need someone with so much emotional baggage as Max in her life either. She needed to start fresh, not with someone that couldn't separate the past from the present. But even as her mind was working furiously to bombard her with all the arguments for her to stay away, her soul was pulling in the other direction, making her feel like she was being ripped into two. 

"Michael isn't coming home." Maria's voice pulled Liz away from her dark thoughts.  
"What?" she asked, a little dazed.  
"Michael. He called me. Apparently he just got off the phone with Alex, who was asking Michael to get his butt over at Alex's place, because they needed to break down Max's door- Liz, what the hell happened when you were there?"  
But Liz was already on her feet. She had a really bad feeling about this. Really bad. Maria quickly rose as Liz short of run towards the front door.  
"Where're you going?"  
"To Max."

------------------------------------------------

"Do you remember our first anniversary?"  
Max nodded slowly and watched with amazement as Tess went through a transformation in front of him. The tangled curls straightened out and the hair turned more golden. Fresher. Suddenly it was as if the sun was shining on her, spilling down her light blue dress which was accentuating her blue sparkling eyes. She smiled at him. That smile that he had missed. Then he felt her touch his hand and he was pulled upwards from the bed. Although, it wasn't a bed anymore, because when he looked behind him, he saw the car that he sold two months after their first anniversary. He looked back at her, his hand reaching out to tentatively touch her hair to see if it was as soft as he remembered it to be.  
"You are so beautiful," he whispered.  
Her smile got brighter and he became aware of the texture of the ground changing beneath his shoes. Turning from wooden floor into grass in a couple of diffused seconds.

She pulled him with her, just like she had done that day and he could feel how his heart was struggling to come alive again. But it felt frighteningly cold and he was afraid that he wouldn't feel her again. He reached out with his hand to pull her closer. To feel her skin beneath his fingers and feel the warmth of her lips against his, but she fled away from his hand, pulling harder on the one that she was holding in hers.  
"Come on," she coaxed softly. Her voice was so warm, like music to his ears. He could see the end of the cliff ahead of them and when he looked up he could see all the stars shining. He knew what would happen. He knew that they would be sitting at the front of the cliff and talk and laugh. He knew that they would make love under the stars. For some reason that thought stopped him cold. Something felt wrong with that. He couldn't quite put his finger on it, but something about the whole thing was wrong.

"Come on, Max," Tess laughed, pulling harder to drag him out of his hesitation.  
He fell down next to her, feeling a fleeting feeling of happiness pass through him. But it was like the feeling didn't belong to him anymore. That it was merely a…memory. His back straightened and he looked around him. He looked at the trees and the leaves moving in the warm summer breeze and he could see it changing. Moving in and out of another environment. Something behind this one. He squinted with his eyes and could see a bed moving through the trees, but when he blinked it disappeared. Apprehension grabbed him. What was going on?  
"Max?"   
He looked down into his wife's blue eyes and took a deep breath when her eyes didn't look like they usually do. They were slightly red and the sparkling warm blue had turned cold. Ice cold.  
"Max, are you okay?"  
Her hand against his cheek made him fall backwards and he scrambled to get his legs untangled and to stand up. Tess looked at him with a frown. "Max? What's wrong?"  
"What's going on, Tess?" Max whispered, looking around him frantically. "What's happening?"  
"Nothing's happening," Tess answered calmly. "Just relax. It's just the two of us here." Before Max's eyes her dress shifted from blue into white. "Just like it's suppose to be."  
"What…?" he stuttered. He felt like he had been hit with a sledgehammer in his stomach and he crouched forward, reflexively hugging his stomach to try and stop himself from throwing up.

"You're not here," he whispered, closing his eyes so tight his forehead started to hurt.  
"Don't be silly," he heard Tess laugh lightly. "Come over here. I have something for you."  
His fingers pressed into the soft of his palm, his nails being buried so deep in that the skin broke and blood started to seep out.  
"You are not real. Get out of my head! You are not real!!"  
"Max!"   
Her voice was colder and he had to fight to not give in to her. To not give her what she wanted, just because he wanted her to be as warm as she had been just a minute ago.  
"You _do_ remember what you told me that day, don't you?"  
"No no no no! Get out of my head! Get out of MY HEAD!!"  
His hands wrapped around his head and his bloodied hands dug into his skull, trying to somehow force her out.  
"You told me that you would never love anyone else. You told me that I was the one. You told me that I was going to be the one until you died. You told me that I was all you ever wanted. Does it ring a bell, huh, Max?"  
"I'm not listening to you," Max murmured. "You are not real." In his mind he was trying to visualize what the room at Isabel's place looked like. He needed to get back. But he had no idea how to. 

"Help me, please somebody help me," he whimpered. He wasn't sure if anyone was hearing him. When he felt hands on his face he shrank away, yelling to Tess to get away. But it wasn't Tess. Surprisingly, it didn't take him long to recognize Liz's warm touch.  
"Liz," he sobbed, relief racking his body. He didn't dare to open his eyes, out of fear that he would only be imagining Liz and instead see Tess standing there.  
"Shhh, I'm here. It's okay. I'm here. Open your eyes, Max."  
"Is she there? Is she still there?"  
There was a moment of silence before her voice drifted to him, making his legs fold under his weight. "No. No, Max. She's not here."  
He fell into her arms, and with his eyes still closed he breathed in the smell of her shampoo and felt the texture of her hair as he buried his face in crook of her neck.  
"You're okay now, Max. I've got you."  
He sobbed in her hair, barely being aware of her hand moving up and down his back soothingly. All he was aware of was her scent and the realness of her body holding him steady, grounding him and bringing him further away from the hell in his mind.  
He could hear other voices around him, but he automatically blocked them out. The only voice clear in his mind was Liz.  
"I'm staying here with him. It's okay." Pause. "Yeah, I'm okay." Her voice lowered and softer as she spoke against his ear. "We're okay."

TBC...


	33. Chapter 33

**Chapter 33**

"Daddy?"   
Barely conscious, Max turned his head towards the sound of the child voice.   
"Mhmm…"   
"Daddy?" The voice got clearer. Closer.  
"I'm right here," Max mumbled, sleep weighing down on him.  
"I can't see you, daddy. Where are you?"  
His eyes sprung open as fear hit him and he looked in the direction of the doorway. The empty doorway.  
"Josh? Joshua?"  
The sound of his heart was hammering in his ears as his eyes searched the darkness for the silhouette of his son.  
"Max?"   
He practically jumped when he heard her voice behind him and it sent him flying back to reality.  
"Max? Are you okay?"  
Her hand tentatively moved up his back to come to rest on his shoulder.   
He took a deep breath, trying to calm himself down. But his eyes were still fixed on the doorway and his body was still trembling.  
"Max?"   
"I'm fine," he croaked, wincing at the lack of life in his voice.

A couple of seconds passed before she whispered, "Was it a bad dream? Was it Tess?"  
He swallowed deeply, trying to drown the sadness that came with the realization that his son would never stand in the doorway ever again, asking for him. Never ever again. His four-year-old son would never have a bad dream again. His son would never dream again. He didn't know he was crying before her arms encircled him from the back, her soothing voice whispering close to his ear, but his mind wouldn't let him rest.  
"Why did they have to die? Why? Why did they have to die? They hadn't done anything wrong. They were not bad people." His crying voice echoed off the walls, not the least humbled by the surrounding darkness. "Josh wanted to go to Disneyland. He was supposed to meet Mick-Mickey Mouse."  
"Shhh," Liz whispered.  
"Why didn't I stop them? Why didn't I stop her from leaving earlier? Why didn't I go with them? I could've… I could've..:"   
"Max, it's not your fault. Don't blame yourself. There was nothing you could've done-"  
"Yes, there was!" He pulled away from her abruptly, sitting up in the bed. He looked down at her and his trail of thought was momentarily halted when he saw the tears shining on her cheeks.

"Yes, there was," he repeated quietly. "There were so many things I could have done differently. But I didn't… I didn't."  
She crawled closer to him, closing the distance he had created between them.  
"You blaming yourself won't bring them back, Max," she said slowly.   
He stared at her, his whole body going cold. It was true. He knew it was true, but still to hear it so honestly and straightforward hurt. The pain was close and so real.  
"I know," he whispered, but he could see the truth reflected in her eyes. He didn't know. His mind might know it was true, but his heart didn't. In his heart he was responsible for their death. He should have done something to prevent it. There were a lot of things that he could have done to prevent it and it was his fault that he hadn't done them. He shivered, his feelings mixed, as she put her hand against his cheek. He looked up, but the intensity of her gaze made him drop his eyes again.  
"Sweetie," she whispered, "There was nothing you could have done. You hear me? Max, look at me."  
With his eyes still fixed on the bed, he murmured, almost inaudibly, "Do you know what I wanted to do after the accident?"  
She shook her head, but he went on even though he couldn't see her response. He was in his own mind, where nothing existed but painful memories. "I tried to find him. I wanted to kill him. I wanted him to suffer. I wanted him to die."  
His voice was shaking, but so detached that it made a shill run down Liz's spine. She knew who he was talking about, even though he had never talked about that person before. The drunk driver. The person who indirectly killed his family.

"The police wouldn't let me anywhere near him. The hatred was consuming. I couldn't think of anything else but how much I wanted him to suffer. I wanted to stand over him and look into his eyes when he realized what he had done." He looked up and met her eyes and she swallowed. Hard. His look was firm, determined and cold, but if she looked closer she could see the fear. Fear for himself and what he was thinking.  
"I wanted him dead, Liz. I wanted to be the one to take his life as he had taken Tess and Josh's lives."  
"It's okay," Liz whispered, not knowing what to say.  
Max shook his head slowly, "It's not okay. It's never gonna be okay ever again. Because they are gone."  
"Max, you…" she swallowed again, not sure what to say and what to not say. "You have to realize that…that they wouldn't want you to continue living your life holding onto old memories and never moving forward."  
Max thoughts shifted to all his encounters with his wife and how determined she had been about him continuing to love her, even though she had left him. As if Liz could see what road his thoughts had started to travel down on, she took his hand, raised it to her lips and placed a soft kiss on the knuckles.  
"The Tess who has been visiting you, Max, is just in your mind. Do you really think that your Tess would ever behave like that? Would she want you to never live again? Would she want you to blame yourself and feel hatred every day? Is that the girl you married?"  
Heavy tears rolling down his moist cheeks, he slowly shook his head.  
"I… I don't think that the therapist you are seeing right now is helping you, Max. Just like the first therapist couldn't help you."   
"You haven't talked to him. You wouldn't kn-"  
"I have a feeling," Liz whispered, even though it was more than a feeling. It was the slow degradation of the person sitting in tears in front of her, with the end of the world weighing down on his shoulders, telling her that the therapist was doing something wrong. "If you let me help you, Max, I promise that I will stick around. I would probably stick around anyway."

Max sighed sadly, his eyes dropping to her hand, which was resting on top of his. "I'm so scared, Liz. I'm so scared to let you…in, because… because…"  
"Because of my heart," Liz said softly.  
Max's eyes snapped up to meet hers and he started to shake his head fervently in denial, "No, no, that's not what I meant-"  
"But that's what you thought," Liz said, a small comforting smile on her lips that never truly reached her eyes. It was the smile of a person who knows that her destiny will always be doomed because of one thing. Her heart. "I'm sure Isabel has told you so as well. There is always the chance of me dying, and that chance is bigger because of my heart condition."  
"But you said that your heart was fine now," Max protested, her words planting insecurity in his heart that he hadn't allowed himself to consider before.  
"It is," Liz smiled, "Because I got another one." She had to avert her eyes from him at this, because her thoughts automatically traveled to whom she had received the heart from, a subject they had not truly address yet. She didn't want to address it now either, because it was more important that Max got better before adding her and her problems to the equation. But she could see in his eyes that he had been thinking the same thing. They just could not get past the weird fact that Liz was alive because Tess was dead.  
"I'm tired," Max said softly, and with that Liz could feel him pulling away and closing up. But she didn't want to do anything about it. It was in the middle of the night and Max looked like death warmed over. He needed to sleep – for months.  
"Okay," Liz nodded. "Do you want me to leave?"  
His hand took a hold of her hand, the sudden pressure almost painful. "No, please don't."  
Relief spread through her body and she nodded. "I won't. I'll stay right here. I'm not going anywhere."  
She curled up next to him, her body spooning around him, while his body naturally came to rest close to hers.  
"Sweet dreams," she whispered in his ears. He took a hold of the hand she had put on his side and pulled it around his waist, bringing her even closer.  
"I think I will," he murmured so softly that it got lost in the silence of the house.

-----------------------------------------

Liz woke up a couple of hours later by the sound of arguing voices. She slowly started to move, careful not to wake Max. His grip on her had weakened during the night, as unconsciousness had claimed him, but every time she moved it would tighten, which it did now as she tried to free her hand from his. He mumbled restlessly in his sleep when her warm body moved away from his. She pressed a soft kiss on the side of his neck and he settled down some. It was with regret that she left his side.

"He needs to be put in a mental institution!"  
"What the hell are you talking about, Michael?! He's your friend! How can you abandon him like that?! No, this is a family matter and it should be resolved in the family-"  
"Listen to yourself! How well has this family matter been resolved this far? How have we helped if Max has turned into a nutcase? He should have gotten help earlier and I regret not pushing harder when he stopped seeing the first therapist. For some stupid reason I thought that he would know best what to do. But he doesn't, okay Isabel? He doesn't know at all what to do. He needs our hel- Where are you going?"  
"I refuse to listen to you accusing me of not taking care of my brother. What do you think I've done the last two years?! I haven't had one peaceful night for two years, Michael!"  
"This isn't about you, Isabel!"  
"That's not what she said-"  
"Stay out of this, Alex."  
"No, this ends right here. You have to see beyond your own egos and see what would be best for Max."  
"That's what we are doing!" Isabel and Michael cried out in unison.   
"What's going on?"  
Michel, Isabel and Alex turned their heads towards the stairs, where they saw Liz.  
"Great," Isabel mumbled. "Another person who thinks she has a say in this..:"  
"Shut up, Is," Michael said.

Isabel took a deep breath, about to say something and then stopped herself, her inhalation collapsing in a swallowed sigh behind tightly closed lips.  
"Why does everyone think they are entitled to give their opinion on this? Max is my responsibility-"  
"For Christ's sake," Michael cried out.  
"Here we go again," Alex said.  
Liz stepped up to Alex, figuring that he was probably the only person she would be able to get any information from. Without her even having to open her mouth, Alex answered her unspoken question, "Michael wants to put Max in a mental institution, because he feels that Max is too far gone to be treated by a therapist since his meetings with the therapist haven't been successful. Isabel wants to go on treating him at home and she feels that he is doing okay, that he is getting better."  
Liz nodded, her eyes fixed on the angry posture of Michael and Isabel's defensive posture.  
"Well, at least put him on some medication," Michael said.  
"Medication?! He doesn't need medication, Michael! He is fine! Okay? He. Is. Fine."  
Michael's whole body was shaking with repressed anger, and it was visible to Liz that he was seconds away from exploding. She inhaled deeply when he turned his attention on her.  
"What do you think, Liz?"  
"She doesn't have a say in this," Isabel interrupted, but Michael just ignored her.  
"Max seems to trust you and you've been in his room during the night, what do you think? Do you think he is healthy? Do you think that his behavior is normal?"  
"I don't think he's healthy," Liz answered.  
"Hah!" Michael said triumphantly in the general direction of where Isabel was standing.  
"But," Liz hurried to say, "I don't think that he should be locked up in an institution or that he needs any medication."

"What?!" Michael cried out, baffled.  
Isabel's eyebrows rose with sudden awakened interest.  
"I think we should take him to another therapist. He could evaluate the situation and we should take it from there. Personally, I don't think he needs to be put in a mental institution. He is finally starting to realize what is going on with him and that is a big step towards recovery, which tells me that there is still hope."  
"Why should we change therapist? That is just ridiculous. This therapist knows Max now and has all the facts. If we change the therapist, Max has to go through the process of talking about all those horrible things all over again."  
Isabel looked at her husband for support but she could quickly see that he wasn't to support her in this. He had been standing behind her for too long and now it was starting to go against his own beliefs.  
"I think she's right," Alex whispered.  
"Yeah, the therapist Max has right now sucks," Michael agreed.  
Isabel took a deep breath, trying to control her feelings. "What the hell is wrong with everyone?! I thought you wanted what was best for Max!"   
"Please, Isabel," Liz said calmly, "Can't we just try this and if the new therapist isn't good we can go back to the old one?"  
Isabel stepped away, shaking her head, resignation making her head heavy. "Fine, just do whatever you like."  
"Isabel…" Alex reached out with his hand towards her, but she slapped it away.   
"No, Alex, if you want to be on their side, then be on their side. But don't expect me to support you."  
With that Isabel walked away, slamming the door to her bedroom close behind her.  
"I'm sorry," Liz said, "I didn't mean to-"  
"That's okay, Liz," Michael said, sinking down on one of the stools behind him, his hands tiredly rubbing over his face.  
"Yeah, she's just throwing one of her tantrums," Alex said with a reassuring smile, "She'll get over it."  
For some reason, Liz wasn't so sure about that. It felt like she would be fighting Isabel on this thing for a long time. A very long time. 

TBC...


	34. Chapter 34

_Hi everyone!_

_Good news. I've been able to write some on this story lately, so I will be updating a little more frequently the next couple of days/weeks. For you who showed your concern about my hip condition. Thank you so much for caring. I've just visited a specialist and he's told me that I probably have something called hip dysplasia, which means that the head of femur (the bone in the thigh) slides up on the edge of the hip socket and then back in again. The only thing that is preventing my hip from dislocating completely is the muscles around the hip. To fix this, I will need to go through a major operation where they move my whole pelvis. After that I basically have to learn to walk again because I'm going to be in a cask for several months afterwards. But I'm relieved to finally know what is wrong with me._

_Enough about me. Let's get back to the story…_

**_Elementalmoon, roswellmaxandliz, spikes-storm_**_ and **RoswellGurl1505 **– Thank you so much for the feedback! It's really really appreciated!_

**Chapter 34**

Alex slowly pressed down the handle and winced as the door screeched slightly when he pushed it inwards. The room, which he stepped into as slowly and quietly as he could, was dark, but by the light that was shining in from the hallway, the streak of light reaching the end of the bed and brushing up against the covers, he could see the contours of her figure in the bed.  
"Isabel? Honey?"  
"Go away," came the mumbled reply.  
"Don't be like this, Is. You know that Liz is only trying to hel-"  
"I don't want to hear about Liz. I don't want to hear how nice she is and how caring she is! Leave me alone, Alex!"  
"Now you're just being ridiculous, Is. Just listen to yourself." Carefully, Alex stepped further into the room and got closer to the bed. As the shadow of his long lean body fell over her bundled up body, she pulled the comforter even further up to her ears, turning her back fully against him.  
"I don't want to hear it, Alex. Just leave."  
There was a twinge of sadness in her voice, of resignation, that could've stopped anyone else but Alex from pushing any further. But Alex knew his wife by now. At the beginning of their marriage, he had stopped by now; afraid that he would hurt her if he pushed any further. But he knew by now, after three years of marriage, that this was the point at when he needed to dig deeper because it was now that Isabel was open enough for anyone to talk some reason into her.

He slowly sat down on the edge of the bed and heard her tired sigh follow.  
"Everyone is so grateful for what you've done, Isabel. But you have to realize that you can't take care of Max on your own, you need help."  
When she didn't respond, he knew that he had hit the right nerve and he leaned over her, brushing a strand of her blonde hair away from her forehead. Stubbornly, she slightly pulled away from his touch, but he knew her too well to take her movement seriously. She was just doing it to preserve her pride.  
"Liz cares just as much as you about Max. She's just trying to help as well. She's doing what she thinks is the right thing to do. She's only human, Isabel. Just like you. You can't possibly know what to do in a situation like this, Is; no one can."  
"She hasn't been by his side for two years," Isabel whispered, pain in her voice. "She hasn't seen him. She hasn't seen how badly he has felt, how he has struggled. She doesn't know how much I've struggled to help him."  
"No, she hasn't," Alex said softly, lying down next to her and snaking his arm around her waist. Quietly, he placed a kiss at the back of her head. "You're so strong, Is. I get more impressed with you everyday. I don't know anyone that is stronger than you, sweetie."  
Her sobs broke through the darkness and his arm tightened protectively around her waist.  
"But you can't handle this on your own. No person is that strong. You wouldn't let Max handle this on his own, would you? That's why he could always count on you to be there. But maybe you have to leave some of the responsibility to someone else."  
"Another therapist?" she asked, broken.  
"If that's what it takes, yes," Alex answered. "Both you and I know that Max is not feeling good and you know that it's not Liz's fault. He was not feeling well even before Liz stepped into his world; he was just better at hiding it back then. You knew it, I knew it, even Michael knew it. Max still needs you, Is. He needs your support and he needs you to be there by his side as his sister, not as his caretaker. He's probably going to get worse before he gets better and maybe this is it. Maybe his breakdown is a good thing, _if_ he gets your support now and not your fear and worry, Is. Let him go, for him."

Silence lowered itself over the bed after Alex's words and for a while he feared that he had not only crossed the line, but destroyed the line altogether.  
"When did you become so wise?" Isabel whispered and he felt himself relax.  
A relieved smile spread itself over his lips and he kissed her cheek as he crawled closer to her. Her body turned in his arms and her tearstained face turned to him, with red-brimmed eyes looking into his.  
He gave her an encouraging smile while the pads of his fingers removed the moisture from her cheeks.  
"Why me?"  
He frowned in his smile and laughed softly. "What?"  
"Why me? Why did you choose me?"  
"Because you're you. Because you entranced me from the moment I saw you."  
She smiled through the new tears and slightly shook her head, as if she couldn't believe herself that he had chosen her out of all the girls he could've fallen for. She buried her face in his chest.  
"I love you, Alex. I love you so much."  
"I love you too. You're my very own ice queen."  
She smacked him lightly in the chest and her voice came out muffled in Alex's shirt. "Don't push your luck, mister."  
Alex grinned in her hair. "Me? Never."

-

Liz knocked softly on the wooden door. "Max?"  
Her tentative voice drifted through the wood, into the room on the other side. It drifted through the air towards the bed and brushed up against his cheek to reach his ear. He stirred slightly, the dream world blending with reality; the dream world which was refusing to let go off its hold on him. But it was something about that voice that called him. Like a bright beacon shining in the darkness. It was something about that voice that made him want to wake up. And continue to stay awake.

"Max?"  
He forced himself through the heavy mists of unconsciousness and took a hold of the slippery threads hanging from the elusive consciousness, pulling himself upwards just as Liz slowly opened the door and the light from the outside sneaked into the room.  
"Max? Are you awake?"  
Her voice was soft and quiet, barely stirring the silence.  
"I'm awake," he mumbled and his arm automatically reached out in the air towards her.  
Liz took his hand, ignoring the chills of pleasure running up her arm that the contact of his skin against hers brought, and sat down on the edge of the bed. She swallowed deeply as her eyes met his. His eyes were dark and partly glazed over, as if he was struggling to stay with her. He looked so lost that Liz's grasp on his hand automatically tightened.  
"How are you feeling?"  
He attempted a smile, but it quickly turned into the shadow of a grimace. "Better."  
Her own smile felt strained on her lips as she gave his hand a squeeze. "I'm glad."  
Her eyes were drawn to their entwined hands and as her thoughts started to travel with her sudden nervousness, her other hand began to unconsciously stroke the back of his hand.  
"I need to talk to you about something, Max."  
He nodded, somewhat wearily. "Sure."  
"You have the final word, Max. We are not forcing you. But…" She cleared her throat and met his eyes. "I don't think that the therapist you have now is helping you. You don't seem to be feeling any better."  
He nodded again. She searched his eyes, trying to figure out what was going on behind those once so emotional deep eyes of his. When he didn't respond in any other way than with his tired nod, she put her other hand on top of his and enveloped his hand in the warmth between her two palms.  
"Max?"

"Sure," he repeated again and a chill went through her. The strongest feeling that she couldn't reach him slammed into her.  
"Maybe someone else can help you, Max."  
She knew that it would take a lot from him to change therapist. He would have to tell his story all over again to another therapist, but Liz couldn't see any other choice. Judging from how Max's eyes were absently skittering around the room, without stopping at one point more than a second, the therapist he had now wasn't helping him. He might even be making it worse for Max.  
The heavy cold thick blanket of silence lowered itself on them again and Liz could feel the tears burning her eyes. But she wouldn't cry. She needed to be strong for both of them. Then he looked straight at her, straight into her heart, and the air got caught in her throat.  
"I just need you," he whispered.  
His whisper shook like an electrical current into her heart but still her first rational thought concerned insecurity. Was the statement directed at her or the former wife that was haunting his mind?  
"I can't help you alone," she answered softly.  
"I just need you," he repeated. "Please Liz…" A tear of relief escaped the strict control she had held on her tears as her name rolled off his lips.  
"I want her out of my head and she's only gone when you're here."  
She could see him now. She could see the Max she had met at the shopping mall that day when he had lost Michelle. She could see the desperation in his eyes but also the hope…and love.  
She swallowed hard and on instinct she let go off his hand and instead brought her arms around him, pulling him towards her.  
"I'll be with you the entire time," she whispered in his ear.  
"You will?"  
Her response stuck in her throat at the mixture of abandonment and hope characterizing his voice and she merely nodded her reply. She pulled back a little and placed a kiss on the side of his neck. She could feel his hands forming fists around her shirt and she sighed against his shoulder. She would do anything to be here for him, if only Isabel would let her.

-

_One week later_

"Oh it's you," Isabel mumbled as Liz opened the door for her.  
Liz mustered up the last bit of patience in her body and forced herself to smile. "Hi Isabel."  
Isabel just gave her a short nod and brushed past Liz into the house. Liz rolled her eyes. "Why don't you come in, Isabel?"  
"Where's Max?" Isabel asked putting the bags that were hanging from her hands on the counter by the sink.  
Liz closed the door behind Isabel and slowly walked towards Isabel. "He's actually at the therapist."  
Isabel spun around, a frown settling on her smooth forehead. She brushed a blonde tendril of hair out of her eye and captured Liz with her cold eyes. "You found a new one?"  
Liz nodded cautiously. She could see how Isabel's body tensed and she had learnt from the short period of time that she had known Isabel that the motion was usually followed by barely restrained anger.  
"Why haven't you told me?"  
"We just found one. I was just about to call you, but then I realized that you would probably come over anyway," she couldn't help the acid that sneaked into her voice as she gave Max's sister a sarcastic smile, "and right I was."  
Isabel's brown eyes grew darker. "Don't try to be smart with me, Elizabeth. He's my brother and I should know what's happening with him. Just because he for some reason wants you here, doesn't mean that _I_ enjoy having you here. Got it?"  
Liz sighed, deciding it was no use arguing with Isabel. The situation with Isabel was tiresome and she never seemed to come to terms with the fact that Liz was going to stay. Liz had decided a long time ago that she would shut up and let Isabel throw her tantrums and order everyone around, if it meant less worries for Max. Max didn't need to think about that Liz and his sister weren't getting along, not on top of everything else.

"Of course, Isabel," Liz answered, loosely holding up her hands in front of her in a sign of resignation.  
Isabel's eyes narrowed, but she didn't say anything. She turned around towards the bags and started unpacking.  
"I shopped some groceries for Max," she said, placing the products on the counter.  
Liz had to bit her lip to stop herself from crying out in frustration and she was glad that Isabel was standing with her back towards her. There didn't seem to be an end to how far Isabel would go to show Liz that she wasn't a part of Max's life and never would be.  
"You don't have to do that, Isabel. I shopped yesterday."  
"I know," Isabel said, her voice still cold and her back still turned towards Liz. "But I don't think you know what he likes yet. I'm just helping you out a little, Liz."  
Liz's fist tightened at the side of her body and she took a deep breath and she had to struggle to get the next sentence out. "Thank you, Isabel."  
"That's nothing, Liz. You obviously need a little help."  
Liz shut her eyes and pressed them tightly shut for a couple of seconds before she without another word walked out of the kitchen.  
"I'll just put the pasta in the other cabinet, Liz! I think you've put the pasta in the wrong cabinet before!"

Liz hurried up the stairs and quickly closed the door behind her as she reached the bedroom.  
"Gaaaaaaah!" she screamed at the empty room. She picked up the phone.  
"She's driving me insane. She's driving me insane." Her mumbles were repeated until Maria answered on the other side of the phone.  
"Thank God!" Liz exclaimed.  
"Liz? What's wrong?" Maria's concern-radar instantly shot through the roof.  
"A sane person," Liz said with relief.  
"Yes, yes, I'm a sane person," Maria said confused, "It's not what people usually call me, but I personally think so-"  
"I don't know what to do about her. She's- she's-"  
"Ahh…Isabel?" Maria guessed.  
"She's starting to get on my nerves, Ria," Liz said, her frustration barely restrained any longer.  
"I'm actually surprised she hadn't gotten on your nerves already," Maria said. "I've been annoyed with her just through what you've told me about her."  
"I don't know what to do anymore, Maria. I don't know what to do. The last thing Max needs right now is for me to be fighting with his sister. He needs both of our support."  
"Yes, he does, but Liz, listen to me; you can't go on like this. Don't you think that Max can feel the tension? He's no child. Even though he seems closed off most of the time, I can assure you that he notices what's going on."  
Liz sank down on the bed and tiredly rubbed her face. "I know, Maria. I've seen it. If both Isabel and I are in the room, he walks out. He can't deal with it and that's what I don't want. I don't want him to have to feel that he can't stand being in the same room as Isabel and I. I don't want that."

"Of course you don't," Maria said. "You have to talk to Isabel, Liz. Isn't Max with that therapist right now?"  
"Uh-huh", Liz nodded even though Maria couldn't see her.  
"Then take this opportunity to talk to Isabel. You need to do it. Isabel needs to understand what she is doing to Max."  
"But she must know that Max can feel the tension," Liz murmured.  
"Would she really keep doing this if she knew?" Maria pointed out.  
"I think she's just trying to confirm her position here. She doesn't want me here, Ria."  
"She just has to realize that you are not leaving, Lizzie. And you have to tell her that. Give her an ultimatum or whatever, just get her to listen to you."  
"Okay," Liz took a deep breath. "Okay… You're right. I have to talk to her. Max needs us more now than ever and we can't keep doing this."  
"Exactly. It can't be good for your hea-"  
"Don't say it, Ria," Liz said with a warning tone. "This is not about me anymore, this is about Max."  
She could hear Maria's silent protest on the other end. Of course Maria was worried about what all this tension was doing to Liz's heart, but Liz just couldn't start thinking about that as well. She had to focus on getting Max well now.  
"You're right," Maria said, swallowing her words of concern for her best friend. "Just promise to take care of yourself as well, Lizzie. I can't lose you."  
"I will, I promise," Liz smiled. "Thank you, sweetie. Love you."  
"I love you too, Liz," Maria said warmly and then added with a teasing voice, "Oh, and tell Isabel I said hi."  
Liz's smile grew. "I probably won't. Bye."  
"Bye-bye, babe."

TBC…


	35. Chapter 35

I can't believe how long it's been since my last update. I completely forgot about this place and I'm so sorry. It was not my intention at all to leave you hanging. I've kept writing though, which means that there are a lot of updates waiting for you. Sorry again…

**Chapter 35**

"Isabel, we need to talk."  
Isabel slammed the door to one of the cabinet close and turned around towards Liz. With cold disinterest she raised one eyebrow. "Really?"  
"Yeah," Liz said, suddenly feeling slightly nervous about having this conversation.  
"Okay," Isabel said, her voice lacking any emotion at all. "But it has to be quick. I have to pick up Michelle from kindergarten."  
Liz nodded. "Sure."  
She cleared her throat and sank down on one of the stools at the kitchen counter, her eyes wearily following Isabel's movements as she continued to repack most of the things that Liz had arranged in the cabinets during the one week she had lived at Max's place.  
"It's about us," Liz said, not really sure how to begin.  
"Us?" Isabel frowned in her direction, before continuing in her cabinets.   
"Yeah, can you sit down for a sec and listen to me?"  
Isabel stopped and looked over at her. She looked at the petite woman, with her delicate features and her shiny dark hair. She noticed how Liz was turning her ring restlessly around her finger and she hesitated a brief moment just to let Liz know that she didn't really want to talk to her, before she sighed deeply and sat down opposite Liz; leaving one stool between them.  
"Thank you," Liz said softly. 

"What is it, Liz?" Isabel asked, her voice suspicious. She really wasn't up to this. She was so tired of having the same discussions with this woman over and over again, and she suspected that this was going to be yet another one of those discussions. About how she didn't have to come over everyday because Liz would call her if she needed her help. Maybe she was a little too much, she didn't completely lack the ability to reflect over her own actions, but she just couldn't get herself to leave over the responsibility that had been hers ever since the accident.  
"I don't know how to say this… So I'm just gonna say it, okay?"  
Isabel nodded and braced herself for what she knew would come.  
"I need you to take a step back, Isabel."  
"Liz," Isabel sighed tiredly. "We've been through this already."  
"I'm serious, Isabel. You're…Honestly, Isabel, you're driving me insane. I've tried to stay out of your way and let you do whatever you wanted, but my patience is wearing out. I've never allowed anyone to boss me around and I won't start now. Max invited me here; he wanted me to be here. I understand that you feel that you have a responsibility to take care of Max and I'm not asking you to not be there for him anymore. I'm just asking you to at least accept that I'm going be here for awhile and that you take a step back. I think that Max would appreciate your help much more if you didn't try to…push me around."  
Isabel stared at her, but even though Isabel's stare could turn anything to ice Liz stubbornly held her gaze. Isabel wouldn't succeed in scaring her away.  
"What makes you think that you know what Max thinks and what he wants? How long have you've known him again? That's right – not even two months! I've known him for all his life! I babysat him when he was little. I was there when he learned to ride a bike. I was there when he went on his first date. I was there when he got married and when… I was there to see how he was before the accident. You don't even know how Max was before! How can you possibly help him become him again?"

"He will never become the same person as he was again," Liz said quietly. Was that what Isabel was trying to do? Was she hoping that Max would be just as he was before the accident?  
"What Max has been through has put scars in his mind and he has experienced things that have changed him forever," Liz continued.  
"Don't even talk about what Max has been through! You don't even know the start of it! You came around when he was doing better and suddenly…" tears of anger and frustration started to run down her cheeks "…suddenly he started getting worse. I can't help but thinking that it was all your fault. Whatever balance he had found, he lost, because you came into the picture."  
"Do you really think that he was okay if just the appearance of a new person in his life would make such a big change to his whole existence?" Liz asked, surprised.  
"Something changed when he met you!" Isabel yelled; the streak of accusation in her tone very evident.  
It was getting too personal at this point and Liz snapped. "Maybe because he wanted to start living again!"  
Isabel looked at the small woman that she deep down knew had stolen Max's heart a long time ago and was pretty sure that she had never seen her that angry before. Liz's cheeks were flustered and her hands were clenching and unclenching.  
Isabel swallowed and looked at Liz. For once, really looked at her. "Do you really think so?"  
Liz had to stop for a minute, the sound of her beating heart echoing in her ears and the shallow breathing quickly floating over her lips. She wasn't expecting this total transformation that Isabel suddenly went through.

"Yes," Liz whispered.  
"I knew that something wasn't right. I knew all along, but I didn't want to see it. I didn't talk to anyone about it, because on the outside he seemed fine. No one else was talking about it, so I didn't want to make a fuss about something that might just have been in my mind. But he wasn't the same. I didn't recognize him. I tried talking to him, but he just wouldn't listen. Alex knew that I was worried and he tried talking to me, but most of the time I shut him out."  
Liz couldn't help but stare as the former ice queen in front of her started to melt and the waterfall of words spilled out of her mouth.   
"I've been horrible, Liz, but I was trying to protect him. I didn't want you to be one of those who would just leave him when it got too difficult. He really cares about you and I don't think he could handle you leaving him."  
Liz looked at her, stunned. "Then why did you tell me to leave him alone a month ago?"  
"I didn't want to see how much you meant to him. It was easier if I could take care of him on my own. You didn't know him-"  
"I know him quite well by now," Liz said softly.  
An insecure smile settled on Isabel's lips. "I just realized how similar you are to Max before the accident. You are just as stubborn and just as big hearted. A part of me hates to admit it, but if there's anyone that can take care of Max, it's you."  
Tears spilled over Liz's eyes as she could nothing but stare at Isabel. Where had this woman come from?  
"I did a complete U-turn, didn't I?" Isabel asked, her voice warmer than Liz had ever heard it being addressed to her.  
Liz nodded dumbfounded. "I can't say that I expected this. I was preparing to fight with you for a long time, and even after that I would have to be forced to drag you out of here."   
Isabel raised a perfectly shaped eyebrow. "Would you really try and drag me out of here?"  
"If that's what it would take to give Max some piece of mind."  
Isabel actually laughed and Liz could only shake her head in amazement. "I never thought I would say this to you, Liz. But I like you. You passed the Isabel test and that's not an easy test to pass. Just ask Alex."  
This cracked Liz up as well and through tears they laughed for a good ten minutes, all their common worries and anxieties about Max turning into laughter. Finally, they could meet in their common love and care for Max and support each other.

-----------------------------------------------------

Liz rose as she heard the key in the door and walked quickly towards the front door.  
Her heart skipped a beat or two when she saw Max. He glanced at her quickly before averting his eyes and turned his focus on closing the door. But that quick glance was all it took for her to read what hell he had been through the last hour.  
"Hey," she said softly with a small smile.  
"Hey," he answered, still not looking at her. He turned his back towards her and slowly removed his jacket.  
"You okay?"  
It took a couple of seconds before he answered, but then his soft reply reached her ears. "Yeah."  
"Do you want something to eat?" Liz asked. She didn't want to invade his privacy too much. She knew that she never wanted to be asked a lot of questions when she had returned from a visit with the cardio therapist, but she felt as if she needed to pull him back to some kind of normalcy.  
"No, I think I'm just gonna go and get some sleep," he said, his whole body slumping in defeat. She looked at him closely, trying to decide how bad it was. His gaze was still fixed on the floor and he stuffed his hands into his pockets looking even more lost.  
"Okay," she said and then pulled him into a hug. At first he was stiff in her arms, but then his arms enveloped her and his arms took a tight hold on her. He held her so tightly that she could barely breathe, but she let him. A couple of seconds later he pulled away and still not meeting her eyes he nodded towards the stairs.  
"I'm gonna…" His voice was thicker, cracking with emotion and she read in his body language that he was struggling to stay on top of the emotions that were trying to break him down.   
"Okay," she said again and gave his hand a final squeeze before letting him go.

She listened to the sound of his feet moving up the stairs and the soft clicking sound as he closed the door to his bedroom. She stood rooted to the same place for another minute before she took a deep breath and moved into the TV-room and turned on the TV. She knew that she probably wouldn't be able to watch anything, but she needed the noise to accompany her thoughts.

-------------------------------------------------------

His room still oozed silence as she moved past the closed door and it was with a heavy heart that she walked to the bathroom. She was still debating whether or not she should check on him or leave him alone when she heard a door open. Her hand froze in the movement of going back and forth over her teeth with the toothbrush and her eyes fell on the doorway that was reflected in the mirror.

His hair was standing in all possible directions and he was tiredly rubbing his face as he stepped into the bathroom, unaware of everything around him. The toothbrush rested on her bottom lip as she looked at him. He was still rubbing his eyes, now yawning, and thus hadn't spotted her yet, which presented her with the opportunity to uninterrupted let her eyes wander down his naked chest. He was only wearing black pajamas pants and his feet were bare as they were shuffled across the black tiled floor. Her eyes came to rest on his chest and it was with mixed feelings her eyes traveled across every muscle. He had lost weight, a lot of weight. She had known it before, but this was the first time she had seen him without his shirt. She had only felt the gradual difference under her hands before when she had held him through one of his ever constant returning nightmare. On the other hand, she had only seen him once before everything started to go really bad and that had been that night when Max's car had broke down and it had been raining. His shirt had gotten rather drenched and the sight of how the shirt had plastered against his chest would forever remain in her memory. She had to admit though, as she was standing there watching him out of the corner of her eye, that he was still beautiful.

Max yawned again and slowly opened his eyes, and he gave a start at the sight of her. "Oh, Liz."  
Liz quickly resumed brushing her teeth as if that had been what she had been doing the whole time. "Hey."  
Max gave her a half-smile. "I didn't know you were in here."  
Obviously not, Liz thought smiling to herself.  
"That's okay," Liz answered around a mouthful of toothpaste. Frowning at her own unattractiveness she leaned forward over the sink and spit out the toothpaste.  
"I was just getting… just getting a glass of water," Max said, avoiding to look straight at her.  
"Okay," Liz said softly and moved away to allow him to fill the glass.  
His rather nervous behavior confused her some, until she looked down at herself and noticed her quite unclad state. She was only wearing a T-shirt and panties. The T-shirt was big enough to reach below her panties, but it wasn't much bigger than that.  
Suddenly being very self-conscious she took another step away from the sink, giving Max more space.

Max turned off the tap and straightened up. His eyes were firmly posed at her feet.  
"How are you feeling?" Liz asked, trying her best to keep the tremor out of her voice.  
At her question, his eyes slowly started to travel up her body to reach her eyes. However, they were moving very slowly and Liz felt her cheeks heat under his gaze. Was Max Evans giving her a once over? Even though her whole body was being attacked by small shivers, she couldn't help but thinking about what this meant. The Max that she had lived with for about a month would never had allowed himself to do that.  
"Better," Max answered and with that tore Liz out of her reveries.  
Liz cleared her throat and picked up her own glass of water to rinse her mouth from the toothpaste.  
"Have you been able to get any sleep?"  
She could feel his eyes following her every movement as she took the water in her mouth, rinsed and spit it out in the sink. As soon as she straightened up again and looked at him, he averted his eyes.  
Looking down at his fingers, Max answered. "Not really. I've just been doing some thinking."   
Liz nodded. "Okay."

He looked up at her and her breath froze on her lips at the intensity of his eyes. "How are you feeling?"  
She swallowed and felt the strangest urge to cry. It wasn't the question itself; it was the fact that he was directing his attention on her. He hadn't done so before and Liz had suspected that he hadn't been able to because of the emotions that he was fighting with inside that were strong enough to drown him if he left them unattended for just a second.  
She managed to muster up a smile and she wasn't sure how she managed to get any sound out of her throat, but she did. "I'm fine, Max."  
"What about the…" He nodded towards her chest and her smile grew reassuring.   
"Don't worry, Max. I'm fine. The heart's fine too."   
She couldn't help but rejoice inside that he had asked her. She hadn't realized how much she had missed that question until he had voiced it. She had been so sick and tired of that question when she had been living with Kevin and she hadn't thought she would ever miss it. But to hear it pass Max's lips with the concern and care shining in his amber eyes did things to her. She was filled with the deepest sense of hope. The first feeling in a long time that everything might be okay.  
Liz met his eyes and easily read his silent questions. "I'm going to my cardio therapist tomorrow and he's going to check out my heart."  
She could see him relax and she couldn't help but be slightly confused by his reactions. The session he'd had with his therapist today must've been important to have caused this changed in Max.

"Do you like him?" Liz asked, without realizing that she had asked him a question that had followed her silent trail of thoughts.  
"Who?"   
"Oh, sorry. The therapist."  
Max's eyes fell to the floor again and his discomfort at the subject vibrated in the air around them.  
"He's good."  
He turned around and for a split second Liz thought that he was just going to walk out on her, until he put the lid down on the toilet and sat down.  
"I'll have to tell him everything again," Max murmured.  
Liz's heart cried out at the anguished look in his eyes that he was trying to hide from her and she walked up to him and sat down on her knees in front of him.  
She searched out his eyes and asked him the question that the existence of her hope was partly depending on. "Do you think he'll be able to help you?"  
Max looked at her for a long time. Liz didn't realize she had stopped breathing during those long seconds until he answered her question. "Yes. Yes, Liz, I really think so."  
She tried to contain the exploding happiness inside of her. She didn't want to put any extra pressure or expectations on him. When she really wanted to scream of happiness and dance all around the room, she contained it to a big smile.   
"That's really good."  
His eyes were drawn to her lips and she knew that it was probably only because of her smile, but she couldn't help the flutter of desire inside of her.  
"Thank you, Liz," he whispered.  
"What for?"  
"For being here with me. I don't think I've ever thanked you for putting up with me."  
Her smile warmed an additional five degrees. "Max, I want to be here."  
His responding smile was tentative as if he didn't quite believe her.

Their eyes were suddenly locked and she could feel him burrowing into her heart, into her soul. There was something in his eyes that she had never seen before and she only knew two things about it. That it made her feel like the rarest person on the face of the earth and that she hoped that it would never disappear.  
Then his head turned to something behind him and coldness washed over her with such intensity that she got lost in the rhythm of her steady breathing. By the tension that suddenly stiffened his body she knew why he had turned away.  
"She's here, isn't she?"  
He nodded, without looking at her.  
They had gotten too close, so Max's conscience had brought forward Tess. Maybe she should take a step back. Maybe that would make her disappear.  
"Do you want me to leave?"  
His head turned around so suddenly that she jumped. His hands took a hold of her right hand and held it tightly.  
"Please don't leave," he whispered brokenly.  
"Okay," Liz agreed, her whole body shaking from the fear that was now such an evident presence in the room. "Do you want me to stay with you tonight?"  
She couldn't have been more right on. She could visibly see him relax and consequently she inhaled a deep breath of relief.  
"Could you?"   
She smiled and squeezed his hands with her free left hand. "You don't even have to ask."

TBC...


	36. Chapter 36

**Chapter 36**

_Six weeks later_

She heard the front door close and his warm voice filled the house. "Liz? Liz?"  
She frowned at the urgency she could hear in his voice and quickly removed the laptop from her lap and rose from the armchair.  
"I'm here," she announced, her voice carrying her message to him before she had reached the hallway. The sight that greeted her froze her to the spot. Max was standing there, a big smile on his lips and bouquet of flowers in his hand.  
"Hey beautiful," he said softly.  
Liz couldn't get her mouth to react. She knew that she was looking rather stupid with her mouth hanging open in complete bewilderment, but she couldn't help it. "Max?"  
Max kicked off his shoes and stepped up to her, handing her the bouquet.  
"For you my lady," he said.  
Liz looked back and forth between the beautiful white roses and Max's proud face.  
"Thank you."  
"And I know that you are not allowed to eat too many of these," Max continued as he produced a box of chocolate from behind his back, "but I think that even you should sin sometimes."

"Max…" Liz sighed. She was now looking behind him towards the door, prepared to see a cameraman come in and announced that she was on "Candid Camera".  
"Aaand…" Max started as he shrugged out of his jacket, "I'm going to cook tonight."  
Liz frowned, the beginning of laughter playing on her lips. "Who are you?"  
Max smiled at her, bent forward and gave her a soft, albeit lingering, kiss on her cheek. "I am your personal chef for the evening, mademoiselle."  
Her eyes automatically fell on the floor as the blush rose on her cheeks. Max moved into the kitchen and started looking through the refrigerator to see what he had to work with.   
"Is this all we have?" he murmured to himself, his head buried in the refrigerator.  
"I was going to go shopping for groceries today," Liz said, breathing in the smell of the roses.   
Max scratched behind his ear, a motion that brought the butterflies in Liz's stomach back to life with warm intensity. "Oh, well then. I'll go shopping."  
Liz started shaking her head. "You don't have to do-"  
"You," Max interrupted and stepped up to her, and took the flowers and chocolate from her. He put the flowers on the counter behind her, stepping dangerously close to her as he reached over to the counter, and quickly proceeded to take the chocolate in one hand while taking her small hand with his other.

His gaze captured hers and she looked up at him with an anticipation she never thought she had felt before. "You, my angel, are going to sit down here-" He guided her into the living room, to the armchair she had just been occupying and gestured for her to sit down, "eat the chocolate and relax." He put the chocolate box on her lap and smiled at her.  
"Are you okay?" Liz asked suspiciously. What if something had gone so terribly wrong at the therapy session today that he was now in complete denial about the whole thing?  
The intensity of his smile lessened but grew softer instead and he fell to his knees in front of her, lifted both of her hands to his mouth and slowly grazed the back of both hands with his lips in a soft kiss.  
"I want to talk to you about something," he said.  
Liz took a deep breath and automatically braced herself. It just had to be too good to be true.  
"Okay," she said.  
"After dinner," Max said.  
Liz looked at him in surprise. "Are you sure?"  
Max nodded. "Let's eat first."   
Liz followed him with her eyes as he rose up on his feet. "If that's what you want…"  
He smiled at her again. He had been smiling more in the last five minutes than what he had in all the weeks they had known each other. "That's what I want."

--------------------------------------------------------

The musty fragrances from the food filled up the air. The spicy touches excited her senses while the softness of orange and lemon made her stomach growl in anticipation. The view wasn't too bad either. Max had put on a black apron that he with blushing cheeks had explained that Isabel had given him. The white text across the apron spelled very simply: "Best in Test" and from where Liz was sitting she had to agree. He had turned from a caterpillar into a butterfly in the matter of only a day. Granted, she had to admit that he had seemed more easygoing the last couple of days and there were more smiles, but nothing like today. Looking at him now, he totally blew her away. Just when she thought she had figured him out, he does something like this.  
"What does my lady wish to drink?"

Liz blinked and was happy that he hadn't turned around, because he would've, without a doubt, caught her staring.  
"Uhm…"  
He turned around, his eyes traveling over her face and she couldn't help but smile. There was happiness bursting inside of her and it wanted out – in one form or the other.  
Max lifted a suggestive eyebrow. "Water? Juice? Milk perhaps?"  
It was at times like these that she wished that she could drink alcohol, just because of the social thing it brought. She could share a glass of wine with him. But mixing alcohol with the strong immune system depressants she was on wasn't such a good idea.  
"I think I'll have some juice," she answered.  
Max put down the spatula and wiped his hands on the apron and started to walk towards the refrigerator. "Juice it is."  
"Could I at least set the table?" Liz asked, her ears not really paying any attention to what her mouth was saying, because Max had just bent forward, his head buried inside the refrigerator and she had a great view of his-  
"Orange or apple?"  
Liz frowned. "Huh?"   
Max straightened up and the spell was broken. Ah well, partly anyway. Max looked at her and repeated his question. "Orange or apple?"  
"Uhm… apple," Liz decided quickly. She didn't really care. At this stage she would probably drink anything he told her to drink.  
"Allrighteo, apple it shall be."  
He took the juice cartoon from the refrigerator and turned around, closing the refrigerator door behind him with his foot. Liz smiled to herself just because of the lightness about that movement. He had seemed more carefree the last couple of days but she could never have hoped for it to turn into this. She could feel her heart fluttering inside of her. She had known for a long time that her feelings for him were extremely strong, something even stronger than she had ever felt about anyone before. To see him this happy made the feelings that she usually hid come closer to the surface. She tried to push them away, as she always did, but it was difficult at that moment because of the magnitude of the feelings.

She observed him as he filled a wineglass with the apple juice.  
"So have you been able to write anything today?" Max asked as he turned around.  
He reached out the glass for her and she took it, her fingertips brushing against his and a tingle went through her hand. She self-consciously licked her lips, her eyes downcast and nodded in answer to his question.   
"Yes, I've got a lot done today actually."  
That's just another thing that made Max stand out in comparison with Kevin. Kevin always thought that her writing was ridiculous and he always tried to get her to search for a "real" job instead. Kevin had never read a single word she had written. Granted, Max hadn't done so either, but the difference was that she wanted Max to read it when she was finished. She had never been encouraged to share it with Kevin; he had always said that she couldn't survive on a hobby. Max had never uttered those words. He had never claimed that she was ridiculous because she was trying to write a book. He had always supported her with it and thinking about it now made a smile spread over her face.  
"What?"  
She blinked and looked up in Max's amused face.  
"Oh, nothing," she smiled.  
Max's just nodded and turned his attention back to the stove.  
"What are you making really?"  
"It's a secret," Max answered and even though he had his back turned towards her she could see the playful smile on his lips.  
"Oh, okay," Liz said, softly gliding her finger along the edge of the wineglass.  
"It is finished soon," Max promised.

That evening Liz realized that Max was an excellent cook. He blended the spicy ingredients with the sweet in a smoothness that was greatly appreciated by her greedy taste buds. She learnt that Max had wanted to be a chef when he was little, but as he had grown older he had come to realize that he would rather teach people about cooking. The teaching part had stuck, but the food element had disappeared and he had ended up teaching children in English, mathematics, geography, etc. This was the first time he had cooked since the accident. The first time he had made a proper meal in two years. He told her that his cooking had been too entwined with his life with Joshua and Tess. Too many memories. 

They had talked about everything that night, but not that much about Tess or Josh. Liz had carefully avoided the subject because she didn't want him to feel that he had to repeat everything that he spent a lot of time talking about in his therapy sessions. If he wanted to tell her, she would be there for him. But if he didn't tell her, she wouldn't force him. She was right now keeping her fingers crossed that he would open up to her. That this whole night was the beginning of a real life; of the life that she had been avoiding to dream about since she had been told the truth about what had happened to Max's soft soul.

When both of the hands on the clock in the kitchen started to approach twelve, they cleared the table and left the dishes in the sink for tomorrow – at Max's request. He told her to go into the living room, while he went to get something. For some reason she was nervous as she waited for him to come back. Her fingers were moving restlessly along the seam of her shirt and she repeatedly straightened her shirt and uncrossed and crossed her legs. By the time he came down the stairs she was almost crawling out of her skin. She had a feeling this was supposed to be something significant. Max wanted her to know something that he had kept hidden. She knew it in the core of her being. Max walked into the living room with a black rectangular object in his right hand. Liz frowned when trying to figure out what it was in the dim light of the wall lamp. Without a word, he put it in her lap and she found herself looking at a videotape.  
"What's this?" she wondered, looking up at Max's apprehensive face.  
"The reason why I haven't been able live," Max answered.  
Liz felt her heart speeding up with a strong mixture of anticipation and fear. She looked down at the videotape in her lap and she could almost feel its importance burning into her thighs. She looked up at his serious face and asked worriedly, "Are you sure?"  
Max nodded. "Never been so sure about anything in my life."  
Liz held his gaze for some long seconds before nodding. "Okay, I'll watch it."  
She had a suspicion about what it might be and if it was what she thought it was then she wasn't so sure she wanted to watch it. But when Max turned around and started to walk towards the stairs, an inexplicable feeling settled at the pit of her stomach.  
"You're not staying?"  
He stopped, but he didn't turn around, and she felt the air grow heavier around her as the stability of his mood started to waver.  
"I want you to watch it alone," he whispered.  
Liz observed the tenseness in his shoulder and swallowed hard. "Okay."   
He stood still for another couple of seconds before he continued towards the stairs and Liz's gaze turned anew to the videotape that was burning her skin.

She must've been sitting there for at least five minutes before she stood up and walked up to the VCR and pushed the tape inside. Time stood still and she could already feel tears burning the retinas of her eyes. Her hands were shaking as she pressed the power button on the TV and her whole body was trembling as her finger pressed the play-button on the VCR and voices of the past that wouldn't let itself be forgotten filled the room.

A blonde girl was standing by the stove, her protruding stomach pressed up against the oven door. She turned towards the camera and smiled, shaking her head.  
"Max, what are you doing?"  
"Nothing," came the voice from behind the camera and Liz's heart jolted. She had never heard that lightness in his voice before. Even though he had been more carefree tonight than she had ever seen him, his voice still held that small twinge of worry, of fear and sadness. But this voice didn't. This was the voice of a man that hadn't suffered. This was the voice of a man that was content and happy. Deliriously happy.  
The girl, who Liz assumed was Tess, laughed at his innocent answer and reached for a capsicum.  
"How about I take the camera and you cook? We both know you're better at it than me."   
"Nah-uh," Max answered. "You are definitely more photogen- I mean cameragenic than me."  
"Coward," Tess murmured but Liz could see the smile she was trying to hide.  
Max then started to zoom in, getting closer to Tess' stomach.  
"Hello there baby, this is daddy."  
Liz's heart constricted with sadness as Max's cooing soft voice accompanied the blue that now covered the whole picture. The blue that was Tess' shirt but up close didn't look like anything else but a blue wall.  
"Sweetie, I'm trying to cook here," Tess' voice echoed in the camera.  
The camera moved up to Tess' face, still zoomed in and all that could be seen was fifty percent of Tess' mouth, her eyes and her nose.  
"This better?" Max teased and Liz swallowed.  
"Read my lips," Tess said and Max automatically filmed her lips as she slowly and very clearly articulated every word, "Stop bugging me."  
Max laughed and the first tears ran down Liz's cheeks. The scene changed into another and it didn't take Liz many seconds to realize that they were now in the hospital. Joshua's birth.

Liz had to struggle not to shut the TV off the next three hours that she watched the life of Max's family unfold itself. Her feelings were all over the place without really being able to tell one feeling apart from the next. She had never cried so much in her whole life. She cried for Max's loss. She cried for the long life that had been stolen from the little boy that was bouncing around on the TV-screen. She cried for the beautiful woman that on several occasions tried to rip the camera away from Max as Max's laughter filled the air. She cried for the family that had been tarnished and had disappeared. She cried for the painful death of Max's ability to laugh with such happiness. But she also felt the deepest sadness about her own role in Max's life. The reasons why he had chosen to let her see the tape were many and it was the ones that said that Max wanted to show her that she could never take Tess' place that stuck. Max could've showed her to let her in; to make her see why he had such troubles to let go, but Liz's fearful mind wouldn't let herself accept that. She was scared that he was on some level telling her to leave. That he would never be able to love anyone else but Tess; that the special place in his damaged heart was reserved for Tess and would always be. 

The screen turned black, but the joyful screaming of Joshua as he imitated an airplane with his arms stretched out and running around the living room remained in her mind.

Two days.

The white numbers in the bottom right corner of the clip dated it to be two days before the accident. Two days before the accident the blond boy with his big brown eyes were running around like any other two-year-old and had his whole life in front of him. Then he was just dead. He had seized to exist. It had become as quiet as it was now, with the black screen staring in her face. It was then that she realized with deeper understanding and intensity than before what Max had gone through. The transition from life to death had been just as sudden as when the camera had been shut off and the screen had gone black. She reached for the remote control and shut off the TV. 

TBC...


	37. Chapter 37

**Chapter 37**

He wasn't in his room when she went to look for him. It was almost four in the morning and she thought that he would be asleep by now. It was with growing apprehension that she walked down the corridor in the search for him. Her mouth went dry and her feet moved slower as she saw the soft light stream out from the door that had been left ajar further down the hallway. She knew, even though she hadn't walked this far down this hallway on more than two occasions, which room it was. It was the room that, according to Michelle, had been locked for the last two years. 

Joshua's room.

Liz took a deep breath and willed her feet, which suddenly felt like they were filled with lead, to move. She came up to the door and froze. Should she go in or should she just go back to her room and let it be? Was he waiting for her to come in, was he _expecting_ her to come in or did he want to be left alone? She hesitated for a second or two before gently pushing the door open.

Her breath got caught in her throat as the room gradually revealed itself to her. The walls were white, but Disney characters had been painted on top of the white, making the room look like she had stepped straight into a fantasy world. But what caught her eyes were the toys covering the floor. It was not difficult, even from where she was standing, to see the layer of dust coating the trucks, the dinosaurs, the cars and the puzzles. Max hadn't moved or touched anything in here in two years. He had just locked the room and left it as it had been. Liz brushed a warm tear away from her cheek and her eyes traveled over to the small bed, where Max was laying curled up. His body was angled so that his feet were hanging over the edge of the wooden bed and his upper body was taking up most of the surface of the bed.

He was asleep. 

Her breathing was trembling as she moved across the floor, being very careful not to move any of the toys. As she came closer to him, she saw that he was hugging something in his arms. She fell to her knees next to the bed and slowly reached out and brushed a strand of his dark hair away from his forehead.  
"Max?" she whispered.  
"Liz," he sighed without opening his eyes and something warmed inside of her. It was the way he said her name and the fact that he had said it when he was still asleep that told her that she had become a more important part of his life than she had dared to hope.  
"Max," she repeated, moving her hand with a featherlike touch down his cheek, feeling the tickle of the five o'clock shadow against her fingertips.  
"I wanted you to see," he mumbled, moving slightly beneath her touch.  
Her heart ache and she had to force herself to not pull her hand away. She didn't know why she was reacting so strongly to his request, but to watch that movie had affected her in ways that she probably wouldn't be able to figure out in a long time. Nausea was rising in her throat and suddenly all she wanted to do was to get out of there. She couldn't be around him any longer. She couldn't stand to watch how broken he was now when she had just seen how happy he used to be.

Max chose this moment to open his eyes and he was instantly bombarded with the conflicting emotions clearly visible in her tearstained eyes. Without letting go off her eyes he rose up in sitting position and the stuffed cow that he had hugged in his arms fell to the side. He slowly brought his hand to her cheek.  
"Do you want to leave?" he asked.  
Liz's heart skipped a beat and she stared at him. She hadn't really expected him to be that brutally honest. Despite the fact that she had just been wishing to get out of there, the mere simplicity of his question and the raw concern in his eyes got her heart to react differently. Mutely, she shook her head in negative and watched him relax.  
"I saw myself in another light yesterday," Max said.  
Liz straightened up at the shift in topic of conversation.  
"Or the day before yesterday," he smiled, remembering that it was well past midnight.  
"What happened?" Liz asked.  
Max cleared his throat and removed his hand from her cheek. Liz felt the loss of his touch immediately.  
"When the…the accident happened," Max started and turned his gaze downwards to his hands, "all I could think about was all the good times that I'd had with Tess and Josh and I got stuck in that line of thinking. What I've been playing over and over again in my mind the last two years is what you just saw in that videotape. All the happy moments. But nothing real is really revealed in front of the camera and it was the real details that I chose to forget."  
Liz was holding her breath. This was the breakthrough. This was why he had been so different last night. This was why he had started to come to life in front of her very eyes.

"And I couldn't let go. I didn't want to see that I would never experience any new happy moments with Tess and Josh again, and if I couldn't be happy with Tess and Joshua then I couldn't be happy at all."  
Liz nodded. It all made sense. Why he wouldn't allow himself to smile more often. Why he wouldn't allow himself to enjoy good things that happened to him. Why he would always get guilty when he kissed her…   
"What changed?" she asked tentatively.  
Max swallowed. "I was telling Dr. Logan about this one time when Tess and I had been cooking out in the kitchen. I think that is the first clip on the tape."  
Liz nodded. He had been filming Tess' stomach and she had been trying to get him to shut off the camera.  
"I think it was particularly stuck in my mind because I had filmed it and I watched that tape a lot the first months after their… their death. But when Dr. Logan asked me what happened afterwards I first couldn't remember what had happened after I turned off the camera. We talked about what I could remember for awhile and then the rest came to me."   
He took a deep breath and looked up, looking straight into her eyes. "During dinner, we started to talk about the baby and that lead us into talking about childhood memories. I was very quiet and shy as a boy and I got bullied for it."  
Wordlessly, Liz reached out and took his hand in sympathy. An act that made him halt in his telling and he swallowed down the tears of relief that flowed to the surface with sudden strength.  
"I told her about this, because we didn't know each other when we were smaller. She wasn't very…supportive. At first she was joking around about it, but when I told her that it wasn't funny she got very defensive and told me that I should get over it because it was in the past and I shouldn't obsess about something that happened ages ago."  
Liz had to admit that she was surprised to hear those words come out of Max's mouth. All she'd ever heard about Tess was good things. It was as if she had been this pure fairy that couldn't do anything wrong. It was not only Max that had kept up with that charade but also Isabel. Judging from what they had told her, Tess was perfect.

"This made me realized that this had happened on several occasions and somehow Dr. Logan pulled it out of me." He tried to smile at the slight humor of it, but there wasn't much humor in that smile. "Every single moment. I was rather surprised actually that the memories were there. They had been there the whole time, but I just didn't want to see them. It was much easier to just think of Tess as the love of my life who I didn't know how I could ever live without. I couldn't think about everything that was wrong in our relationship because then I wouldn't do her memory justice. She needed to be remembered for all the happy times she brought me and I never realized that when I focused on that it hurt me in the process and I couldn't go on with my life."  
"Wow," Liz breathed. "You must've had one aha-experience there."  
Max smiled weakly. "It really hurts to change how I've viewed her the last years, but then I just think of you."  
"Me?" Liz asked surprised.  
"Yes, you," Max answered honestly. "I'm not so sure anymore if Tess and I would've made it for long. We were too different. It might've been the difference that brought us together at the beginning, but it might just be the difference that would've separated us."  
"Max, you don't have to do this just to make me feel better or anything," Liz protested. She didn't want him to taint his memory of Tess just so that she wouldn't feel that she was worth any less than Tess.  
"I'm not doing this for you, Liz," Max answered truthfully. "I'm doing this for me. I need to see the truth and you help me see it. I never wanted to compare you to her, but I did. I did it over and over again, and I guess I'm gonna do it again now. But that's the only way I can deal with this. I think that we always compare people to each other. We compare friends to each other to try to weigh how much they mean to us. I don't need to compare you to Tess any longer to realize what you are to me, because my heart tells me just how much you mean to me. But I need to compare you to her to explain to you why I feel like I can start living again."

Liz was hanging on to his every word, barely breathing.  
"You've been here for me since the day I met you, Liz. You saw me when everyone else had stopped seeing me." He grasped her hands in his and looked down at how her small hands almost completely vanished in his large ones. He felt the softness of her skin against his palm and he took a deep breath, drawing the strength from her silent support, before looking up at her again.  
"I loved Tess. I loved her so much that it hurt. And she loved me. We worked well together and even though everyone at the beginning said that we were wrong for each other, we proved to them over and over again that we were meant to be. Maybe we tried too hard. Maybe we tried so hard that we were too stubborn to see that we didn't fit very well together. She was a remarkable person and we were best friends, but I think that she would've made a better friend than a lover."  
Max's hands tightened around hers and he could feel the tremors shaking her body. "Tess and I were good together, but she didn't heal me. You heal me, Liz. You haven't given up on me once and you've remained by my side. There were times when I was really upset or sad and when Tess would see my tears she would just walk away. She couldn't be there for me when I needed her the most. She lived in another world where everything had to be happy and life was easy. It became such a common occurrence that I hid my feelings from her, that I never realized that I had been hiding them. That's probably why it was so easy to forget that part of our relationship when she died."  
"Do you miss her?" Liz whispered, her voice barely strong enough to speak.  
Max nodded. "I miss her. I miss her so much. She wasn't a bad person and I still love her. I'll always love her, but I know now that we would never have lasted. She wasn't the one I was supposed to be with. I didn't feel what I feel with you with her. The feelings were there, but with you…" He took a deep breath and it was as if just talking about it made the intensity of what he was feeling even more prominent and he looked down at the entwined hands.  
"I knew you from the second I met you. I knew what had been missing this whole time. You."

Liz nodded. This almost sounded too good to be true and it was with a certain uncertainty that she forced him to meet her eyes again.  
"Max, I need to know if this is just something you force yourself to say to make it easier for you to move on or if you really feel like this."  
Max held her eyes and then stated slowly, "I've never been more serious or honest in my whole life. You are listening to my heart, Liz. You helped me find my heart again and I don't want to miss out on you just to continue living in a memory that isn't even really true. I love you, Liz, more than you'll ever know. More than I ever thought I could love anyone."  
The first tears silently rolled down her cheeks and she nodded. "I love you too, Max. So much. I was so afraid that you wouldn't see me. I was so afraid that I would have to compete with Tess."  
"Tess will always be a part of me. I will always love her and she will always be a part of my memory. But I won't compare you anymore. You mean something else to me than what she did. I would never compare you to Isabel, because you mean different things to me. It's the same thing with Tess and you."  
Liz sniffled and nodded. Max smiled softly, slight concern lingering in his eyes, and slowly brushed away her tears with the pads of her fingers. But new tears kept falling over his fingers and he tried to swallow back the feelings that threatened to overwhelm him.  
"Tess complemented me. You make me whole," Max whispered.

Liz nodded, angling her head slightly upwards and blinking with her eyes as if trying to stop the flood of tears from streaming down her cheeks.  
"Joshua?" she whispered brokenly. What about Joshua? It worried her that he hadn't mentioned Josh and come to think of it, he didn't mentioned Josh very often. Not at all actually.  
"I'm still…" Max's voice cracked and Liz looked at him. When she saw his resolve break and the tears form in his eyes, she pulled her hand away from his and brushed her own tears away, before bringing her arms around him and pulling him towards her.  
"It's okay, you don't have to talk about him," Liz mumbled. It was different with a child. You love a child in another way. Unconditionally.  
"Let's go to bed," she whispered, tightening her arms around him.  
He nodded against her shoulder and she squeezed him tightly one more time before loosening her grip and standing up. He looked up at her, his eyes red and miserable.  
"Thank you," he murmured.  
Her smile broke through her sniffles. "You don't have to thank me."   
"Yes, I do," he insisted and stood up. "Thank you for being in that shopping mall that day."  
Her smile grew bigger and without another word she took his hand in hers.

TBC...


	38. Chapter 38

**Chapter 38**

_One month later_

"Uncle Maaaaaax!"   
Liz's smile brightened as Michelle jumped out of her hug and ran into the house.  
"Believe me; she's getting wilder every day."  
Liz laughed softly and hugged Isabel. "It's nice to see you again, Isabel. How was Hawaii?"  
A dreamy smile sprung up on Isabel's face. "Like a second honeymoon. The word marriage might be tainted these days with all the divorces, but I'm telling you; marriage is so worth it just because of the honeymoon."  
Liz laughed. "Okay, I take it that the trip was good then?"   
"Wonderful," Isabel smiled. "Didn't wake up until noon and then spent the rest of the day on the beach. Michelle loved it there. That girl loves the ocean."  
"Who does this rascal belong to?"  
Liz read the surprise on Isabel's face when Liz heard the male voice behind her. Isabel did obviously also notice the change in Max.  
Liz turned around and watched Max carrying a giggling Michelle upside down, her long blonde curls billowing around Max's knees.  
"For the next few hours, she's not mine," Isabel answered, her voice still bearing the slight tone of awe.   
"Aha," Max smiled and spun Michelle around to put her feet on the ground.  
"All my bwood is in my head," Michelle explained, excitement written all over her face.  
"Then you should probably stay like that for a while so that the blood goes back down again," Isabel said before being pulled into Max's bear hug.  
"Hey sis," he said in her ear and gave her kiss on the cheek.  
"Hi," Isabel smiled and she looked at Liz with bewilderment. Had Liz done this? What had happened during the three weeks they've been gone? She had been afraid that she would return to a crying Max that wouldn't let her into his room. She was actually expecting it. But the Max standing in front of her with amusement playing in his eyes was as far away from the person that had replaced her brother since the accident as he could ever be.  
"I guess you had nice weather," Max said, referring to the brown golden tone of Isabel's skin.

"It was great," Isabel said, still dazed.  
"Are you okay?" Max asked, concern spreading into his eyes.  
Isabel nodded mutely and stuttered. "I'm…I'm just fine. I'm great."  
"Okay," Max said, starting to get a little confused himself.  
Liz watched the whole interaction with joy spreading in her chest. It was no mystery to her what was going on and she was watching Isabel rediscover her long lost brother with the deepest sense of rightness overwhelming her. She sat down on her heels before Michelle and ruffled the little girl's hair.  
"How about you come and help me make cookies in the kitchen, Michelle."   
Michelle's face shone up as if the sun had been let into a dark room. "YAY! Mom? Can I? Can I make cwookies? Can I? Pwease? Purty pwease?"  
Isabel laughed and nodded. "Sure hun, go and help Liz."  
Michelle clapped her hands together and started jumping up and down."Yay!"  
Liz laughed as she was being dragged into the kitchen by Michelle, leaving Max and Isabel alone to talk.  
"So how have you been?" Isabel asked.  
"Fine," Max answered, self-consciously scratching himself behind his ear.  
"I've missed you," Isabel said softly.  
Max met her clear eyes and smiled. "I've missed you too, Is."  
"I've missed the old Max."  
Max dropped his eyes at this and became extremely occupied with straightening out the edge of the carpet with his foot.   
"Who should I thank?"  
Max looked up at his sister and frowned in confusion. "What do you mean?"  
"Who should I thank for bringing you back? Liz?"  
His face brightened by itself, even though he tried to hide it. What he was feeling for Liz was so strong and real that it almost felt too personal to share with anyone else.

"What did she do to you?" Isabel asked with awe, an amazed smile controlling her lips.  
"I guess… I guess she found me," Max smiled. "She wouldn't stop looking and she found me. She helped me find myself. Of course, the therapist has helped me a lot as well, but Liz has been here when I've come back from the therapy sessions and she has done nothing short of supporting me the whole time."  
A tear rolled unrestricted down Isabel's cheek, but she didn't even notice. With every breath she took she could see more of what Liz had done for her brother, in his face, in the way he moved, in his gestures. They were all coming back. Everything that before had been so typical her brother, but that had died with Tess and Joshua. All the small movements and smiles were back.  
"Oh my God," Isabel whispered.  
Max smiled brightened until it didn't only lighten his lips but also shone out from his eyes. "I know."  
Isabel swallowed as the realization of what damage she almost had done slammed into her. She had tried so hard to get Liz to stay away from Max. If she had actually succeeded Max would've been going under by now.  
Max saw the self-blame and guilt infest itself in her eyes and he slowly shook his head. "No, Is. Don't blame yourself. You did what you thought was right."  
Isabel brushed another tear away from her cheek, her hand trembling. "I almost ruined you, Max. I shouldn't have butted in-"  
"Is, you only did what you thought was right. You tried to look out for me. You did everything a good sister and friend is supposed to do. You tried to protect me from everything bad and you thought that it meant Liz."  
"But Max, I almost took her away. If she hadn't been so damn stubborn I would've succeeded."  
"It's because she's so damn stubborn that I love her so much," Max smiled.  
"Oh Max," Isabel sniffled. "You really do love her, don't you?"

Max nodded, trying to control the urge to look into the direction of the kitchen, where Liz was. Just talking about her made him want to be with her. To touch her in some way and remind himself that she was with him.   
Isabel looked at him, perplexed. "I've never seen you like this before. Not even with Tess."  
His eyes dropped at this. "I've never felt like this before."  
Isabel didn't even care that Tess had been her friend and that she was perhaps expected to defend what Tess and Max had had together. She was just so relieved that Max was back and so grateful about the fact that Liz was in his life.  
"Have you told her?"  
Max looked up and nodded. "She knows."  
That was it for Isabel. Her resolve broke and she nodded in response to his answer, automatically hiding her crying behind her hand.  
"Don't cry," Max whispered and pulled her into his arms. He was afraid that it might've hurt her that he felt more about Liz than he had for her best friend. She proved the opposite was true when she stuttered out her explanation through the sniffles, "I'm so happy for you, Max. I'm just so happy."  
He felt the warmth of tears trying to get through in his own eyes at this and he hugged her harder.  
"So when is the big day?" Isabel sobbed, with slight teasing in her voice as she pulled out of his arms.  
Max frowned, wiping his now tearstained eyes. "What big day?"  
"You are going to marry her, aren't you?" Isabel said, giving him a stern pointed look.  
Max's heart stopped. He hadn't even thought about marriage. He didn't want anything else than marrying Liz and spending his whole life with her, but for some reason the thought of marrying her was very firmly mixed with the fear of losing her.  
"I haven't really…"   
Isabel read the emotions in his eyes and afraid that she would upset him, she squeezed his hand reassuringly. "Okay, just let me know if you need any help."  
Max rolled his eyes at this, remembering how Isabel had "helped" him and Tess getting married. He loved his sister, but he had learnt the hard way that she should only be a guest at weddings, not the wedding planner. The nickname "The Christmas Nazi" that Michael had given Isabel a long time ago because of the frightening orders coming out of her mouth during Christmas should've given him a clue about what she was like when planning a wedding.

"What?" Isabel asked, wiping her tears.  
Max bit his bottom lip to stop himself from laughing. "Nothing. Thank you, Isabel, I'll let you know if I need anything." Maybe he should elope with Liz to Las Vegas and get married there instead or something.  
"Okay then," Isabel smiled and couldn't stop herself from giving him another hug. "I love you."  
"I love you too, Is," Max whispered.

--------------------------------------------------------------

Max closed the door to the room Michelle had in his house and started to walk down the hallway. His pace lost some of its speed outside Joshua's room. He hadn't been in there since the day Liz had watched the videotape. He was still trying to deal with the grief of losing his son, but it was so much more difficult than dealing with Tess. Dr. Logan had told him that it was because he had focused so much on Tess, because in comparison the sorrow of losing Tess had not been as deep as losing Josh, that he was having more difficulties dealing with the absence of Josh. He had pushed that grief far back to the deep black recesses of his mind, where the memories wouldn't hurt him and he could go on pretending that he was doing okay. It was extremely difficult to dig forward those memories because he hadn't allowed himself to touch them at all before. The memories of Tess had been turned over again and again in his mind, but not the ones of Josh. Joshua was a raw wound that every memory he had to call forward was a grain of salt burning in the open wound. It was painful and he needed a lot more time to process it. But he was seeing the world through different eyes now. It suddenly didn't seem as impossible anymore to go on with his life. Liz was here now and she didn't push him, but she didn't let him give up pushing himself either.

His fingers brushed against the doorknob before he continued down the hallway and down the stairs to the bottom floor. It was awfully quiet in the house. Only the toys, pieces of papers and pens spread all over the place confirmed that there had actually been a lot of activity there earlier. He came down the stairs and the sight that greeted him stopped him and his legs grew weak. A mixture of emotions washed over him and he had to lean against the wall to stop himself from falling. He took a couple of deep breaths to will his heart to slow down and then he forced his heavy feet to move into the living room. There was nothing really strange about the scene displayed in front of him, but for some reason it touched that raw wound in his heart.

Liz was lying on the couch, asleep. Michelle was sleeping next to her, curled up like a little ball in front of Liz's stomach, her thumb in her mouth and the other hand entangled into Liz's dark hair. Liz's knees were brought up towards the small body, encircling Michelle with her body and her hand was positioned over Michelle's waist, firmly preventing the little girl from falling off the couch. As he moved closer, memories of a past that he had tried to push away, flashed through his mind. All of them were of Josh. His breath hitched in his throat as he was overwhelmed with the deepest feelings of grief that he had ever let himself feel. He missed Josh, so much. He stumbled down on the floor next to the couch and was barely aware of the tears covering his face. The pain was in his heart and it felt as if he was going to disintegrate. As if the grief was going to pull him apart. He wanted it to go away. He wanted it all to get better again. He wanted Josh to return. His trembling hand brushed through Michelle's hair and his breathing became worse. He leaned forward and grazed the baby soft skin of Michelle's cheek with his lips. Slowly, his hand drifted through her blonde tresses. He tried to calm himself down, but he didn't know what to do. He didn't know what he wanted anymore. It felt like his heart was going to implode. He could feel the loneliness in his whole body like small needles piercing his body from the inside, all the way out in his fingers. 

"Max?"  
Max jumped at the sleepy question and he turned his eyes away from Michelle and looked up, meeting Liz's warm concerned brown eyes. He could see the alarm in her eyes when she saw his destroyed appearance, but he couldn't do anything else but look at her. If he would let go off her he would fall.  
"What's wrong?" she whispered, feeling immobilized with Michelle bundled up so close. Panic started to overtake the worry now. Max was only looking at her, tears running down his cheeks. She couldn't even see any separate tearstains on his cheeks, because he had been crying so much that the majority of his cheeks were wet. His eyes were red and his lips were trembling with barely restrained crying. He was trying not to wake up Michelle and that made her want to take him away from there even more. The strong unhidden raw emotions in his eyes scared her. What had happened?  
"What's wrong?" she asked again, her voice louder now. She couldn't help herself.   
Michelle stirred beside her, but Liz barely noticed. Michelle's movements didn't stop Max from looking at Liz either, but it brought him back. It brought him back from wherever he had been. He took a deep breath, but then his breathing escalated and became shallow.  
"Max," Liz whispered. He was hyperventilating. "Max, calm down."  
She could feel something dropping on her arm, but she didn't have to look down to know that it was her own tears.  
He kept staring at her, his breathing getting worse and Liz could feel her heart aching at the intensity of her own worry. She quickly, but as carefully as she could, untangled Michelle's hand from her hair and moved away from Michelle. She jumped off the couch, her legs protesting at the sudden weight after being arranged in a horizontal position for awhile. She ran into the kitchen and pulled a paper bag out from one of the cabinets. Her feet were warm against the cold floor as she ran up to him, falling to her knees next to him and bringing the paper bag to his mouth. He took it, taking a hold of her eyes again, and breathed into the bag.  
"Slowly, Max. Try to breathe slowly."  
After about thirty seconds his breathing calmed down.  
"Okay, that's good, that's good," Liz sobbed, the relief engulfing her.

Max removed the bag and took a deep breath. "I'm sorry," he whispered.  
"Max, don't," Liz sniffled.  
"I'm sorry for making you cry," Max wept. "I never meant to make you cry."  
"Stop apologizing, doofus," Liz said quietly, using the sleeve of her shirt to remove the tears from his cheeks. "Do you want to talk about it?"  
"I want that," Max whispered.  
Liz tried really hard to figure out what he meant before she asked. "What, Max?"  
"I want you to carry my child," Max sobbed, new tears flowing down his cheeks. "I want our child to fall asleep in your arms, like Michelle did tonight."  
"Baby," Liz murmured and moved up into his lap. She brushed his hair away from his face and looked him deeply into his eyes. "I want nothing else than to give you a child, Max. But are you ready? I don't think I will be able to deal with you comparing our child to Joshua. You can't replace Joshua with another child, Max. I don't want you to do that. If you feel that you might do that, then I won't give you a child."  
"I don't know," Max sobbed miserably. "I don't know what I want. I just want the pain to go away."  
"Then you need to listen to the pain, Max, and go through it so that you can give peace to the memory of your child. You need to accept the loss of Joshua before you can love another child because of that child and not because _you_ need a child to help you deal with your grief."  
"I know," Max whispered. "I know."  
Liz nodded and smiled softly at him. "I love you, Max. Don't you ever forget that! Whenever you're ready, I'm here, okay?"  
"God I love you," Max sobbed and brought his lips to hers. She could taste the saltiness of their tears mixing on their lips and she let herself sink into that kiss. She let him feel everything she was feeling through that kiss. It was the first time they've kissed in about two and half months. The last time their lips had met had been when she had been trying to contact Max and was trying to force Tess to disappear from his consciousness. She had to admit that she had missed it. She had missed feeling him this close. She had missed the taste of him and to be able to feel his heart beat against hers as he pulled her closer. They did have a strange relationship, because they were living together and lately Max had been talking about their future together, but they hadn't kissed. Liz didn't want to push him to cross a border that he wasn't ready to cross yet, so she had waited for him to make a move. But he never did. Her confidence had faltered on more than one occasion. She had wondered a lot of times if he really wanted them to be together when he didn't move their relationship to what normally constitutes a girlfriend/boyfriend relationship. 

But he certainly was now. His hands were moving underneath her shirt, his palms contacting with her bare skin and she felt goose bumps break out all over her body. She moved even closer to him, needing to be a part of him just as much as she needed him to be a part of her.  
"Liz…" he mumbled.  
"Uh-hum," she mumbled in response, thinking that she could never get tired of the taste of him. She didn't know how she had survived this long without him kissing her. At that moment she was amazed at the willpower she must possess to have forced herself to keep her hands off him all this time. She had even slept in his bed this whole time, with his arms around her waist and his lips resting against the bare skin of her neck, but she hadn't asked for more.  
"Michelle," Max murmured, before slowly running his tongue over her bottom lip.   
Her whole body trembled with the sudden warmth invading her senses and she had to really concentrate to figure out what he had just said.  
"What?"  
It was with a reluctant moan that Max pulled away from her. "Michelle."  
Liz stared at him, dazed, and blinked slowly. Then she turned to look at what Max was looking at. Ah, Michelle.  
"We should get her in bed," Liz said.   
"Good idea," Max said, his breathing shallow.  
For the first time, Max wished that Michelle wasn't spending the night. He took a couple of deep breaths to will his body to calm down and then he stood up on wobbly legs and moved to carefully lift up Michelle. She mumbled something incomprehensible and moved her arms around Max's neck. Max held her strongly around the waist and with one hand supporting her head he bent forward towards Liz that was now standing up as well.  
"I love you," he whispered and softly grazed her lips. The kiss lingered, since they were both trying to make it longer than it should've been.  
"Love you too," Liz smiled.

TBC...


	39. Chapter 39

**Chapter 39**

"Are you ready?"  
Liz listened outside the door, but when she didn't get a reply she softly knocked on the door. "Max?"  
Still no reply. Liz hesitated a second before pushing the door, which had been slightly ajar, completely open. Merely an empty room greeted her and she frowned before turning towards the hallway. She walked towards the b¬athroom in the search of Max. The bathroom door was closed and she raised her hand to knock on it. Before her hand had the chance to contact with the closed door, it opened inwards and she found herself staring into a chest; the water droplets covering the skin making it shine in warm bronze.  
Her mouth went dry and she knew that she was supposed to say something, but suddenly neither her mouth nor her head were working.  
"Liz."  
She swallowed deeply, her hand frozen in the air in a typical just-about-to-knock-on-the-door position and looked up.  
"Max," she croaked and tried to discreetly clear her throat. If possible it was even more dangerous to look at his face. His hair was wet, making water droplets hug each strand of hair in his bangs tightly. His eyes were dark, bordering on pitch black, in the modest lightning of the hallway. The silence was deafening, but she didn't notice, as her eyes took on their own will and traveled over his face. They came to rest on his lips. Those full, coral colored lips which were glistening with moisture from the shower. Unconsciously, she licked her lips, her heart taking the chance when unattended to speed up with anticipation.  
"You okay?"

As in a daze, she raised her gaze and looked into his eyes.  
"Fine-I'm fine. I'm just fine," she said.   
There was amusement in his eyes, but she could see something else there as well. Something that made her force herself to take a step back, because of the intensity of it. She could hear the deep breath he took and she dropped her eyes, feeling the heat rising on her cheeks.  
"I think…," Max said slowly with exaggerated puzzlement, "that I might be running late."  
"Uh-huh," Liz nodded, her eyes locked on the floor. She couldn't possibly look at him ever again. She had been staring at him! Could she have been any more obvious?  
"Maybe I should get dressed then," Max mused.   
"Sure. Yes. Definitely. You should…do that," Liz said.  
At his soft laughter, she looked up – and had to swallow deeply again. She was certain that her heart stopped beating when Max leaned closer. Her eyes automatically drifted closed, not being able to look at him, afraid and excited about what could happen all mixed up in one delightful feeling. His lips brushed her cheek and she was certain that she could feel the temperature in her body increasing by ten degrees. Then his soft voice whispered in her ear, barely drowning out the beating of her heart that was throbbing in her head.   
"You are kinda standing in the way."  
It took a couple of seconds, his freshly shorn cheek brushing against hers, before she got her mind back into operating position. He slowly pulled back and all she could do was smile when embarrassment decorated with raw desire made her hands tremble and her cheeks turn red.  
"I'm…I'm sorry," she stuttered, wincing at her own obviousness.  
She could feel his eyes on her and all she could think about was that she wouldn't survive if he didn't touch her again. But if he touched her, she would want to have more. She wouldn't be able to stop. 

"Sweetie," Max said softly, the intimate timbre of his voice making shivers chase each other down her spine. "You have yet to move."  
She smiled at this, the color on her cheeks turning an even darker crimson. Her hand went up to her face, trying to shield her embarrassment from him.  
"Oh God, I'm so sorry," she mumbled, her eyes stubbornly fixed on the floor. "This is so embarrassing."  
A tremor shook her body when his finger contacted the bottom of her chin. Soft pressure was added and he angled her head up to meet his eyes. Those eyes that she had fallen in love with at the first look.  
"It's my fault," he said quietly.  
It was as if he had put a spell on her. She was transfixed by the motions of his face features, mesmerized by every single emotion in his eyes.  
"Now, would you care to tell me what that folder on my bed is?"  
The start of a smile tickled the corners of her mouth as she self-consciously hid her eyes behind her eye-lashes.  
"It's my book. I've finished it."   
Silence was his answer and as the seconds slowly ticked by she realized how nervous she was. How much she wanted him to accept her writing and read what she had written. Not being able to look at him, she hurried to continue, to stop the silence from scaring her courage away.  
"I wanted you to read it before I try to get it published. I was planning on mailing it to several publishers after you've read it, but if you don't want to read it… I mean, if you don't feel that you have the tim-"  
"I would be honored."  
Her words cut short she looked up at him, seeing his words being confirmed by his eyes.  
"You would read it?"  
She never thought that it would mean that much to her, but to not hear him tell her that her writing was ridiculous had hope lighten her heart and shine out through her eyes.  
"Try stopping me." 

The brightest smile blossomed on her lips and she barely stopped herself from throwing her arms around him. He was half-naked after all. Only a towel separating-  
"I'll do it first thing when we get home," Max promised.  
Liz nodded, feeling that familiar warmth in her cheeks again, thanking whatever force was at work that Max could not see into her mind and see what she had just been thinking about. She took a step back and he smiled at her.   
"Thank you."  
"My pleasure," Liz said softly and watched him walk down the corridor, her eyes traveling further and further down…  
"Liz, stop it!" she ordered herself in a low voice.  
"Did you say anything?"  
She quickly looked up at him, his hand on the doorknob to his bedroom and quickly shook her head from side to side.  
"Nah-uh."  
Max looked at her somewhat oddly, before shrugging it off.  
"Okay then. I'll be out in a sec."  
"Sure thing," Liz said.  
Max disappeared into his bedroom. The second the door closed, Liz made a beeline for the sink in the bathroom and splashed cold water in her face. She looked up at her reflection, the water running down her cheeks.   
"Elizabeth Parker. Get a grip!"

-----------------------------------------------------------

"What took you so long?"  
Max glanced at Liz, before unconsciously scratching behind his ear. He knew that he should probably say something before Maria started to jump to her own conclusions. Catching the wink Maria sent Liz's way, Max was very certain that she was the kind of person that would easily make her own interpretations of a situation and then not let anyone else tell her anything else.  
"Max had a meeting at school and it took longer than we had thought that it would," Max heard Liz answer next to him.  
"Right. Sure. Meeting at school. So that's what they call it nowadays."  
"Maria!" Liz exclaimed and Max didn't even have to look at Liz to see the red color of embarrassment on her cheeks.  
Maria turned to Max as if she hadn't said anything inappropriate at all. "So how are you, Max?"  
He hesitated before answering. He could see the honest concern lurking in Maria's eyes even though she was being very skilled at putting up a playful exterior, and he felt that he owed her more than the standard "I'm fine" reply. Still, he had difficulty getting it past his lips. He hadn't really talked to anyone except his sister and Liz about his current state of mind. Liz was probably the one who knew more about him than anyone else at this point. She had been there with him when he had woken up screaming in anguish in the middle of the night. She had been there to comfort him when tears had burned his cheeks as the nightmare wouldn't loosen its grip on him. She had seen parts of his mind that he never intended for anyone to see. That was something he wouldn't share with just anyone, and probably not Michael's girlfriend.  
"I'm getting there," he answered quietly.  
Her shining face lost some of its electricity and her former dazzling smile dimmed. There was now concern but also warmth in her eyes and it truly became clear to Max why Maria was Liz's best friend. Max had been fooled by Maria's energy and her good-humored nature, and it had been something of a mystery to him why Maria and Liz would go well together. They were like day and night.

But the honesty in Maria's face at that point, the same honesty that he saw in Liz, explained it to him. During all those years that Liz had been sick, she had needed Maria's energy to fuel her, but she had also needed a friend that would listen and take her seriously. Liz needed someone that she could trust and confide in without being made a fool of. Max could see it so perfectly now.

But there were a lot of things that had become easier to decipher lately.

When thinking about it, he had always thought that it sounded corny when someone in some movie had said that their life was different now and they saw things through new eyes. Now he understood what they meant though. It was as if a filter had been taken away from his eyes. The net that usually filtered out what he couldn't deal with was slowly, albeit steadily, disintegrating and he was forced to look at the world again. The weirdest thing was that he hadn't experienced the change as sudden. He had been sitting with the therapist, talking about that day in the kitchen with Tess, and the memories he hadn't let through that filter in his mind started to slip through and that was it. It was as if those memories worked like acid, corroding the net and making everything clear. He had walked around in something of a daze the consecutive days following that experience. It had been the clearest daze he had ever been in; he had been dazzled by everything going around him. Everything that was living that he hadn't paid attention to before. The world was moving around him. Birds were making music, children were laughing, the sun was shining and the wind was remarkably refreshing against his face.

He had seen Liz that day. Really seen her. Seen the amazing woman who had stolen his heart without him being the slightest aware of it. He had known that she had been there for him for a long time, but he couldn't deal with thinking about her and what her presence in his life meant. Thoughts that concerned anything that was touching on the future in anyway was sure to be followed by rough feelings of shame and guilt, and that probably would have drowned him at that point.

But that day he couldn't look away.

She had been standing in the bathroom, brushing her teeth and he thought that he had never seen anything that beautiful. He almost laughed at his thoughts when thinking back on that incident. Almost. He had been thinking that she had looked like an angle. He could've sworn that he could see a white glow surround her.

He looked at her now. She was in a deep conversation with Maria, her melodious laughter enriching their discussion. He was amazed by her ability to adapt even though he had been putting her through so much. In retrospect, he couldn't understand why she was still around after everything he had said about Tess. She must have always felt like she was second best every time he compared her to Tess. Liz turned and gave him a private smile before returning her attention to Maria, who was really talking for both of them. Max could only hope for a miracle that he would be able to prove to her that she would never be second best.

"…ax. You there? Hey Max!"  
He physically tore his eyes away from Liz, realizing just the second before turning his head that Liz was now looking at him instead, amusement twinkling in her eyes.  
"Huh?"   
"God Liz. He's down deep, girl."  
In confusion he looked back and forth between the girls, but something told him that the self-conscious smile forming on Liz's lips meant that Maria had not insinuated anything about his mental condition. Before he had time to reply, an arm is draped around his shoulder and with relief he turns to see Michael standing at his side.  
"Hey man. The women giving you grief?"  
Michael's hair was standing in all directions in organized disarray, as it typically did, but there was something different about his friend. Max's eyes narrowed and he tried to figure it out as the conversation continued around him. He couldn't pinpoint the change until Michael turned to him and said quietly, so that only Max would hear: "Glad to have you back, man." 

Maturity. Somewhere along the line Michael had grown up. He was still bickering with everyone, especially Maria, but there was a newfound sensitivity about it now. Michael was not joking to hide his insecurities about his place in the world any longer, but was now joking because he was happy. Max gave a startled jump as he felt a soft hand against his bare arm.  
"You okay?"  
He nodded, his eyes still trained on Michael as he kept having some "conversation" with Maria about the grossness of borrowing bowling shoes.  
"They've all changed," Max said quietly.   
Liz didn't say anything next to him. She only took his hand in hers and waited. He shook himself out of it and looked down at her with a tentative smile.  
"Are you ready to kick their asses?"   
He intentionally winked at her and his heart skipped a beat when her face shone up.  
"I never said I was any good at bowling," Liz warned.  
"Faith, Liz. Faith."  
She rolled her eyes and he laughed. Her palm felt warm around his hand and he felt something tingle deep in his soul. She tugged on his hand and he followed, contentment overflowing his senses. This was exactly how it should be.

TBC...


	40. Chapter 40

**Chapter 40**

She couldn't stop looking at him. He was beautiful. His emotions had been so raw, so visible to her, as he had, almost apprehensively, reached out and touched her. She knew that it was wrong. Her mind was constantly reminding her that they had moved too quickly, but it couldn't dim the smile of her heart nor lessen the shine in her eyes.

His naked skin was warm underneath her body and the gentle steady movement of his chest ignited a sense of security inside of her. It was a feeling that had been foreign to her a few hours earlier. She had felt many new, strong, passionate, intense, draining emotions tonight and at times she hadn't been sure if she was deliriously happy about it or just wanted it to disappear.

Her index finger gently traced the curves of his well-defined chest, feeling the desire spreading through her fingers at the softness of his skin. He had been so open to her; frighteningly vulnerable. Her leg moved by its own force to cover his and her heart started to beat faster as she brought her body closer to his; fitting every corner of his body with hers. 

"Can't sleep?"  
His voice made her jump and her eyes moved up to his face. "I didn't know you were awake."  
He opened his eyes and looked at her. It was the first look in his eyes that made her heart leap with fear, but it was quickly replaced by a newfound warmness and the corners of his mouth slowly moved upwards.   
"I'm afraid to go to sleep," he answered softly.  
"Why?" she asked, alarm threading through her mind, afraid that he was worried about possible nightmares.  
His smile dimmed and a look of admiration and awe softened his features. Her intake of breath whispered through the calmness of the room when his hand came into contact with her back and ever so slowly moved upwards, following the curvature of her spine. His hand was barely touching her, but she had to struggle to remain in control to stop herself from kissing him. Her breathing quickened as his hand moved over the curve of her shoulder and as his hand stopped for a second her eyes drifted close. He was looking at her; she could feel the intensity of his eyes like a heat lamp on her face. The heat was caressing her skin, running over her nose, brushing against her eyelashes, kissing her lips, stroking her cheeks, and the ghost of an impatient sigh softly drifted over her lips.

She shivered with relief and anticipation when he brushed his fingers over her collarbone to travel from there up her throat. He gently pressed his thumb against the skin of her cheek while the rest of his hand encircled the side of her neck, tempting her to open her eyes.  
"I'm afraid that you will go away if I do," he answered.  
The guilt that hit her was so unexpected that she didn't have time to shield him from the expression in her eyes. She could practically feel how the air changed around them. There was a moment of silence and she could hear her heart beating in her ear, feel his heart beating under her fingertips resting on his chest.  
"What are you thinking about?"   
His request was barely a whisper, drowning in the cracking texture of fear soaking his voice. She didn't want to tell him, but there was something in her heart that let the words spread over her lips before she could stop them.  
"Were you thinking about her?"   
She had expected to be met by silence, but still it felt as if it would suffocate her as it draped itself over them and she looked up to meet his eyes. Her breath hitched in her throat as she saw the expression on his face.

"You healed me tonight. I never thought that I would be able to be happy again. I never thought that I would be able to love again or have someone loving me, but you've proven to me over and over again that I was wrong. You're amazing, Elizabeth Parker. You were what kept me alive until I found the will to live again. I couldn't have done it without you."  
Warm tears slowly ran down her cheeks and she nodded slowly, trying to show him that she knew what he meant.  
"There was no room for anyone else but you in my heart tonight, Liz."  
She sniffled, nodding, and the only word she could get over her lips was: "Okay."   
He smiled at her, brushing her tears away with the pad of his thumb. "Okay?"  
She laughed softly, her smile shining through the veil of tears. "Okay."  
"Are you happy?"  
The insecurity of his question painfully squeezed her heart and she felt like pulling him inside her soul and protect him from the harsh reality. She slowly moved her upper body over his chest and gently captured his lips with hers. His hand moved from her cheek into her thick hair pulling her closer. His lips were warm and inviting and her eyes drifted close as he responded to her kiss.  
"Is that a 'yes'?" he whispered against her lips.  
She smiled and started kissing down his throat. His satisfied sigh disappeared in her hair as he kissed the crown of her head.

_Ten hours earlier_

Lately it felt as though it always came down to her. Liz. It came down to her smile, her shining warm eyes, her sparkling laughter, the way her head would turn slightly towards his voice when he said something behind her. But he didn't really say much. He let the world speak around him, and he watched and listened. He felt his eyes being drawn to her on more than one occasion but he lacked the complete control not to let his eyes breathe in her soft essence. He wasn't completely unaware of the others around him. He could feel their eyes on him, observing his every move, partly afraid that he would break down again while partly anticipating what would happen next.

"Uncle Maaaax!"  
It took a while, but he finally forced himself to look away from her and looked down at the small angle standing in front of him. Michelle's hair was standing in all different directions and if he wasn't mistaking she had dirt on her cheek.  
Max smiled and ruffled her hair. "Hello princess."  
A line of annoyance came to taint her smooth forehead and her hands moved down to her hips, and for a moment there Max had to reassure himself that he was talking to his niece and not Isabel herself.  
"Uncle Max! You mess up my hair!"  
Max resisted the temptation of telling her that her hair was already very messed up and that he might've actually put it more back into order by ruffling it.  
"Oh, sorry darling. I remember now that you girls need to have perfect hair."  
"And don't you foget it!"   
Max laughed softly. "What's up, beautiful?"  
Michelle's eyes grew big and round as she was reminded of what she wanted to show Max. Excited, with certain bounce in her small body, she grabbed his hand and pulled him towards one of the bowling lanes.  
"Sit!" she commanded, pointing at one of the blue plastic chairs.  
Max remained serious until the little girl turned her back towards him and his face cracked into a smile and he softly laughed under his breath. God, he loved that girl.

Small nets, about ten centimeters high, had been placed on each sides of the lane, to prevent the bowling ball from rolling down into the gutter. An arrangement that was usually made for kids. Michelle bent down to lift one of the bowling balls up and Max automatically started to rise as she started to struggle, afraid that she would drop it on her toes, but a hand pushed him down. He looked up to find Liz standing there, giving him a pointed look.  
Max felt the immediate need to defend himself. "I was just going to stand up to get a better view."  
Liz smiled at him. "Of course you were." She sat down next to him and Max had to fight the urge to continue looking at her as her natural scent enveloped him and her thigh brushed against his.  
"Look at me! Look at me!" Michelle called from the bowling lane.  
"I'm looking," Max answered, trying to keep his concentration on what his niece was doing.  
As Michelle proceeded to position herself in front of the lane, bend her legs and with both her hands on the ball swing it back between her legs and then forward to let it hit the lane with a dull thud, Max felt Liz take his hand in his. He felt his heart speeding up, but his eyes remained trained on the bowling ball that Michelle had let loose on the lane. It was rolling from one side to the next, bouncing off one net only to go in a sixty degrees angle to meet up with the net on the other side of the lane. It finally ended in the middle of the lane, perfectly timed to hit the pins in the center. How the ball was able to make all the ten pins fall with the minor speed it was going at remained a mystery for everyone who was observing. The ball itself only made three pins fall, the rest kind of fell over each other due to something of a domino effect.

"Yay! Yay! Look at me!" Michelle exclaimed, jumping with her arms up over her head.  
"Honey, that was excellent!" Isabel burst out from the left, making Max turn his head towards his sister, surprise spreading over his face. He hadn't noticed her arrival.  
"Did you see did you see did you see!"  
Max laughed and caught the excited little body as she flung herself at him.  
"That was absolutely beautiful, spunk," Max whispered in her ear.  
Michelle's face lightened up even more and she turned to Liz.  
"Did you see me?"  
Liz bent forward and gave Michelle a peck on the cheek. "You're a natural."  
Michelle's smile got, if possible, even wider and before Max knew what was happening she had hopped off his lap and was on her way over to her parents.

_Present time_

She was asleep. She was lying on her stomach with her elbows tucked under her body. Worried that she was feeling cold, he pulled the sheet further up her body, regretfully covering her fair skin. He still remembered with sharp clarity how afraid he had been that she would be having problems with her heart, because his thoughts had often wandered to that subject lately as their relationship had progressed and they've gotten closer. Could her heart manage making love? He had been blushing when he had asked her earlier that evening, but she hadn't laughed at him, just told him calmly that he had to be a mighty good lover to put her heart in danger during lovemaking, which had made him laugh.

He was still worried about her and would probably always worry about her. It had always been part of his nature and it had probably gotten worse after Tess and Joshua's death. His eyes closed at that thought and he rolled onto his back, trying to force the dark thoughts from entering his mind. He tried to concentrate on the soft sound of Liz's breaths, but the memories were strong and the darkness was acidic, spreading through his mind with the dangerous intent on making him regret what they had just done. Wanting to make him feel like he was betraying Tess, or at least the memory of her.

_Nine hours earlier_

"… so he moved the whole refrigerator to block the front door."  
Liz was laughing so hard that she could hardly walk through the front door. "What!"  
"Well, she would be able to open the door if there was only a chair in front of it and the refrigerator was the closest object."  
Liz tried to dry her tears at the same time as she removed her jacket. "Didn't he think about locking the door?"   
Max looked at her incredulously. "What's the fun in that?"   
Liz managed to roll her eyes before starting to giggle again. "What happened next?"  
Max took her jacket and hung it up and walked in front of her into the kitchen, switching on the lights as he continued talking. "So Jo comes up to the door and tries to open it. She manages to open about two inches, before the door won't give anymore. At this point she realizes that someone is messing with her and it's not difficult to figure out who it is. So she asks him to open the door to which he only grins at her through the crack. Then this other guy that lived with us opens the refrigerator door and puts some milk into the shelf in the door, as if nothing is different. Mind you, these sorts of things happened on a regular basis."  
"I'm starting to realize that."  
"Jo sees the white door as it opens up in front of the little opening she managed to get when trying to open the door and realizes that it is the refrigerator, which makes her start laughing and so he just shakes his head and moves the refrigerator back."  
Liz looked at Max in disbelief. "And you lived with this guy?"  
"Well, yeah."

"Oh my God." Liz frantically tried to picture Max, calm quiet Max, with a guy that went to the extent of moving a refrigerator to stop someone from entering an apartment and hanging their curtains in the tree outside the building.  
"We got along really well, actually," Max said, easily seeing what Liz was trying to picture. "I think we kinda complimented each other. He needed a calm person around that got him to calm down and I needed to have someone that forced me to take risks and do things I normally wouldn't even think of doing."  
Liz nodded, taking out two wineglasses from the cabinet. "Do you still keep in touch?"  
A shadow passed over Max's face and he turned his back towards her, opening the refrigerator door to retrieve a wine bottle and juice. "We kept in contact for a long time, but after…" He cleared his throat and placed the wine and juice on the counter. "I couldn't talk to anyone anymore. All of my previous friends disappeared. It wasn't really their fault. Some I probably lost forever, but some really tried to get in contact with me, I just wouldn't let them."   
"You should call him someday," Liz suggested after some hesitation. She wasn't sure if it was her place to make suggestions like that, but Max only nodded.  
"Yeah, I should. Someday."   
She gave him an encouraging smile. "So… Do we have any cheese?"  
Max seemed relieved for the change of topic and nodded. "Yep, bought some today."

_Present time_

"Max?"  
He broke out of his train of thought and looked down to meet her big doe eyes looking straight into his soul.   
"Mmm?"  
"Are you okay?"  
His nod was contemplative and her eyes narrowed, knowing instinctively that something was not right.  
"Are you regretting it?"  
"Regretting what?" His voice was inquisitive, but she was certain he knew what she meant.  
"I've been thinking."  
"Uh-uh, that can't be good," Max said, trying to lighten the suddenly very heavy mood.   
Liz made a poor attempt at rolling her eyes, but the act was quickly erased when she soon thereafter moved away from his body. She felt the cold hit her immediately at the loss of contact with his body, but she knew that the true depth of the coldness came from the fear of not being wanted.  
"Maybe this wasn't right."

The lack of an instant response made the coldness close even tighter around her heart and it was not the words, but the lack of conviction in his answer that awoke the feeling that the walls were closing in on her.  
"Don't say that. You know that's not true."  
"Do I?" Liz asked, fighting to prevent any emotion from showing through.  
"Liz, please don't-"  
She moved even further away from him, putting only coldness and sheets between them. "Don't lie to me, Max. If you think that this wasn't right, then tell me. Just tell me what's in your heart."  
"I don't want to hurt you."  
"You can't prevent that from happening. You're hurting me right now by not being honest."  
"I…I…"  
Liz looked at him with apprehension when he sat up and turned to sit on the edge of the bed, with his back turned towards her.  
"I can't do this. I can't…"  
"Max, we made love tonight. It's a major step and maybe we took it too soon. Please talk to me."  
"I can't do this. Don't make me do this."

Liz watched him reach for his boxers and her heart sank as seconds of silence ticked by when he pulled on his boxers and stood up. Without being able to meet her eyes he threaded his fingers through his hair, his hand shaking.  
"Can we talk about this later?"  
She was fighting with herself to not cry or scream at him in frustration. "Why?"   
"It was not a mistake. It was not a mistake." He was looking straight into her eyes now, his voice firm and unyielding. "Don't ever think it was a mistake, Liz. I just can't talk about this right now, but it was not a mistake."  
Liz wasn't sure how she should feel about that. Should she be relieved, happy, sad, disappointed? All she felt was guilt mixed with confusion. _She_ should have stopped this from happening. _She_ should've known this was going to be the consequence of it all. But she didn't. She didn't stop it. For once, she followed her heart to see where it brought her.

_Eight hours earlier_

They had just naturally aligned themselves in that position. It wasn't planned or intentional; they had just curled up together. Liz was acutely aware of his arm around her waist; of the warmth radiating from his palm against the naked skin of her stomach. It hadn't taken long before his hand around her waist had crept underneath her shirt to feel the texture of her skin as if it would bring him more comfort and security than just holding her did. She could feel his hipbone against her bottom and their feet were entangled in the most intimate way possible. His breathing was steady and rhythmic against her ear but she knew that he was still awake. She wondered if he was concentrating as little on the TV as she was. She wondered if he was as aware of the feeling of her body pressed up against his as she was of him. Was he also thinking about them and where they should go from there? Were they still only friends, with a twist, or was there something else there?

No sooner had the thought flown through her mind before she felt his lips against the side her neck. Her breathing quickened, but since she wasn't sure how to respond she didn't move a muscle, waiting to see what he would do next. His lips slowly left her neck again and just as she thought that it had just been a small innocent kiss, he placed another kiss further up and continued to slowly kiss up her neck.  
"Max?" she whispered.  
"Mhmm," he answered, slightly halting in his gentle assault of her skin.  
"What are you doing?"  
"I just… I couldn't _not_ kiss you any longer. I needed to."   
She smiled into the empty room and a shiver of anticipation trailed down her spine when his hand under her shirt moved further north, towards the edge of her bra. Somewhere at the back of her mind something was trying to get her attention, warning her that this might escalate beyond their control. But she didn't want to listen to her mind right now. She had been waiting for him to touch her for too long. Waiting for him to touch her in any other way than just to receive comfort from bad dreams.

He slowly pushed her hair away and kissed the skin behind her ear, eliciting a mixture of a tickling sensation and sensuality. She wanted to give him space to do what he wanted at his own pace. She didn't want to stress him or unconsciously force him to do something he wasn't ready for yet, but it was really difficult not to turn around and kiss him right then. Instead, she moved her hand under her own shirt to touch his hand. Their fingers entwined and she slowly moved their linked hands upwards over her lace-covered breast. The sound of his breathing got stronger and faster in her ear, which made her even warmer. She was heating up from the inside and she felt as if she would catch fire if she couldn't touch him.

His hand gently squeezed her breast and Liz couldn't stand it any longer. She turned in his arms and captured his lips with hers. Her kiss was heated and demanding, being the result of weeks of built up waiting and wantonness.  
"God Liz," Max murmured, before running his tongue over her bottom lip, tasting all of her. She rolled on top of him, straddling his waist, with his hands buried in her hair as it fell down around him like a curtain, all the while making love to his mouth.  
His hands moved quickly from her hair, his movements picking up more impatience with the exponential increase of his desire, and moved underneath her sweater bringing it upwards as he moved his hands upwards. Liz automatically lifted her arms above her head to facilitate the removal of her sweater.

The sight of more exposed skin made him halt in his movements and he just stared at her for a couple of seconds, his mouth going dry, before he cradled the back of her neck in his hand and brought her mouth back to his. Her hands crept underneath his shirt and the heat of his skin radiated into the surface of her palms.  
"Too many clothes," she murmured, pushing his shirt upwards. Max reluctantly let go of her lips to get the shirt over his head, but went back to adoring her mouth as soon as possible. The shirt fell forgotten to the floor.  
"Wait, wait," Max murmured, struggling to get what he needed to say through the mist of desire clouding his mind.  
"What…what's wrong?" Liz looked at him, worry penetrating the dazed look in her eyes.  
"Uhm… This is probably a very stupid question…"  
As his voice trailed off into silence, she reassuringly pressed her hand over his heart. "What is it, Max?"  
"Do you… does us… does this…"  
His cheeks took on a deeper crimson quality than just the consequence of the induced prior desire and the color of embarrassment sneaked up to the tips of his ears.  
"Does us making love hurt your heart? I mean, can your heart handle this?"   
She wanted to smile at him and kiss him senseless for the adorable expression on his face at that moment, but she knew the rawness of the worry behind the question and she knew exactly the way to tackle it.  
Looking at him with a completely straight face, she calmly stated, "Sweetie, you have to be a mighty darn good lover to put my heart in any medical danger."  
The worry drained off his face like water and his soft laughter was decorated with relief.  
"I love you," he said simply.  
The happiness shone through her eyes and it was that expression on her face that told his heart the same truth, even though she didn't say it out loud. Her response was filled with pure joy. "I know." And she let her soul sink into his.

_Present time_

She could still taste his skin on her lips. She could still feel the heat that had been simmering between their moving bodies. She could remember with clear intensity what it felt like to be embraced by him, body and soul, to be in the center of his focus. To have him fall apart in her arms, crying out her name in ecstasy.

She could still remember what it felt like to have Max Evans loving her. Caressing every millimeter of her body; kissing, adoring, admiring, loving it. She could still remember the waves of love that repeatedly floated through her during their lovemaking. She loved him so much that it almost hurt. She didn't know where to go or how to dampen it. It was overwhelming. Everything he made her feel was filling up her heart to the brink of its destruction.

And now it had crossed the border and the pieces of her heart were floating around in her circulation, piercing through every organ of her body as she watched him walk away from her. However, it wasn't that much due to the fact that he was walking away from her. It was that he couldn't share his fears with her. She didn't want to push him. She didn't want to suffocate him and force him to tell her everything. She didn't want to expect too much of him. She was so afraid of scaring him away because she was afraid that she wouldn't be able to live without him now that she had finally got him.

But it hurt nevertheless.

With fresh tears running down her cheeks, she turned on her side and pulled the sheet up to her ears, covering her quickly cooling naked body. When was it supposed to get easier?

TBC...


	41. Chapter 41

**Chapter 41**

Liz had always liked the sound of rain clattering against the roof. It had always given her a sense of comfort and calmness. But when the rain came that morning she didn't want to hear it. It made her want to cry. She didn't want to cry anymore. She didn't want to feel weak any longer. Was this what life was about? Was this what real love was about? To live with the constant knowledge that your world might fall apart in front of your eyes at any moment, without being able to stop it from happening? The rational part of her brain had always known that the happy Hollywood ending was a rarity, but she had still hoped deep inside of her that maybe, just maybe, someone would convince her of otherwise.

Her heart had been convinced when she had met him.

She had known immediately that he was something different and that he would make a major impact on her life. She never could have known that this was the kind of impact he would have; shattering her heart until she didn't have the energy to go back and ask for more.

The rain clouds had turned the oncoming day into night, which was one detail she was grateful for. She could hide in the night and maybe forget what had happened. Maybe she could close her eyes and pretend that yesterday hadn't happen. Maybe she could go back in time and enjoy those moments of sweetness and innocent flirting with Max. 

She pressed her eyes together as if she was trying to squeeze the memories in her brain out through her eyes to be washed away by her tears. But she wouldn't let herself cry. She wouldn't cry anymore. As the mantra went through her head she was fighting with everything she had to fulfill it and not let those tears wash down her cheeks.

Taking a deep shuddering breath, she curled up more tightly, unconsciously hugging his pillow to her chest while trying to block everything out. Her thoughts were haunting her. What should she do? Should she go out and try to talk to him again or should she wait for him to come to her? Did she even want to talk to him right now? Should she move out? But even though her own thoughts were causing her a lump of anxiety in the pit of her stomach, there was one thought that kept haunting her to the brink of exhaustion. 

Was he still thinking about Tess?

She quickly pushed the thought to the side because she hated to think of herself as being jealous of a woman who was dead and, ironically, was the reason she was alive right now. Nevertheless, she couldn't refute the fact that she was scared. She was frightened to death that he was still comparing her to Tess, that she was competing every day with a dead woman. If it had been someone alive, she might have been able to handle it, but she couldn't touch Tess. She couldn't speak to her and she couldn't stop Max from having those memories of Tess.

She didn't want to stop him either.

Tess had been his wife. Of course he had loved her. Liz just hoped that he had started to view his memories in a more realistic way, which he had told her earlier that he had. Maybe he was going backwards again. Maybe them taking this huge step had caused him to backpedal and he was now, yet again, going through every happy memory he had of Tess.

The thought made her shudder. She hated this. She hated being so helpless and just waiting for Max to make a decision. She hated that she knew deep down that she wasn't completely helpless and that she had a choice, because she couldn't choose.

Should she stay or should she leave?

With a deep sigh, she rose from the bed, feeling as if she needed to get away. Find refuge somewhere. One of the best places to be left alone and cry was the shower. The water would drown the sound and wash away your tears, cleansing you. So she stood up, picked up the closest shirt, not realizing until it was on that it was one of Max's T-shirts, swallowed deeply and walked out of the room towards the bathroom, hoping that she wouldn't bump into him.

--------------------------------------

He had done something terribly wrong. He knew that. He hadn't been able to handle all the emotions flooding him at the same time and so he had run, and he had given her the signal that he had been regretting last night. He buried his face in his hands, taking another deep breath, one among thousands already taken that early morning. He hadn't thought about Tess for at least two weeks and then suddenly she was just there in his head, trying to put doubts into his mind about what Liz and he had just experienced. But she couldn't. The memory of her might not be fading, but the feelings and emotions he had hung on to so tightly were. There had only been one person in his head last night and her brown eyes had warmed the deepest coldest parts of his soul, where no one had been able to reach since the accident.

He had felt so many things last night. Too many feelings to be put into words or even to be put into separate feelings. They all mixed together and formed this hot wave that filled up his body from the inside. He had actually needed to check several times if his skin was glowing, but the light in his inside wasn't breaking through his skin. Nevertheless, he had seen it reflecting in her eyes.

He loved her so much. More than he could understand himself.

So when he had laid there, thanking whatever force had put this amazing woman in his proximity, watching her sleep, he had been surprised when thoughts of Tess had started sipping through to his consciousness.

And he freaked out.

Tess hadn't been there for so long and he had started to feel normal again. He could put his energy on Liz and trying to deal with his feelings of losing Joshua instead of watching his every step in order to avoid anxiety and remorse. Liz and he had taken a big step tonight, but even though Liz had insinuated that it might've been too soon he had been absolutely certain that he wanted it. That he wanted Liz in every way possible.

So why had this happened? How could they have gone from eternal bliss to acidic emotional pain in the matter of just a few hours?

A tortured moan passed over his lips as his head fell into his hands. He wanted it all to go away. He wished that he could just snap his fingers and make everything perfect. If he had that power he would be back in his bed right now, with Liz by his side. He would be floating in contentment and happiness. He would be the happiest person alive.

But it was dark all around him. The wind was howling outside, getting caught in the corners of the house, and the rain was beating heavily against the roof. It could have been sunny outside with a blue sky and birds creating beautiful music, but it would be the same darkness for him. It was like standing on the edge of a cliff, feeling like you were about to fall, but feeling sad about falling. He felt like he needed to fall, he needed the complete rest of sinking into himself, but the thought of leaving Liz and the life he had tried to rebuild the last couple of weeks, clenched painfully around his heart and he began to struggle with what to do.

Should he stay or should he leave?

Then he heard a door opening upstairs and his eyes flew in the direction of the stairs in anticipation. But he was left hanging when the stairs remained deserted. He heard another door open and close and then a couple of seconds later he heard the water running. He leaned back in the couch, closing his eyes and drinking in the sound. He couldn't leave. He couldn't. She was a part of him now and leaving her would be like cutting off his arm or his leg.

He made a decision that night, a decision that would change his whole view on life, his life in particular. He wouldn't let Tess destroy him anymore. He would cherish the memory of Tess and keep her safe in his mind, but she would only exist as a memory of someone that had meant a lot to him once. She quietly moved away from the dominant part of his mind to settle in her new role. She wouldn't decide anything for him anymore. She wouldn't interfere with his thoughts. It was all left up to him.

--------------------------------------------------------

At first she didn't hear the knocks. The water falling down around her was drowning everything, making reality fade away. Reality pushed through the curtain of warm denial, rubbing roughly against her naked skin as the sound of the knocking was carried through the room.  
"I can't do this, I can't do this," she mumbled to herself. She wanted him to go away. She couldn't deal with him right now. Her heart was still aching and she felt like she would possibly throw up if she were to lay her eyes on him right now. She felt like an old towel being thrown to the side, being used over and over again until finally it was disposed in the bin.  
"Liz?"  
She squeezed her closed eyes even tighter together, willing the world to stop spinning around her.  
"We need to talk."  
Why wouldn't her body let her be rational about this? Why was it, that even after the pain he had caused her she still felt the very strong urge to run out of the shower and open the door for him? Sometimes love is cruel. It takes away your choices. Her fists and jaw tightened in a futile attempt to stop herself from crying.  
"Can I just, please, can I just talk to you? Liz?"  
His voice was begging now, with a tinge of desperation, making her legs go weak. Sometimes she hated her sense of compassion and empathy. Sometimes she hated to be able to see another person's point of view. Because on some level she could understand why he had been acting the way he had, and since she could understand it she felt sympathy. But that didn't mean that she wasn't hurt.  
"Go away," she cried, her weak sobbing voice being drowned in the rushing sound of the water.

But he heard her. There was silence for so long that she thought he had left until his voice one last time drifted through the door.  
"She's gone, Liz. She's gone."  
Ten minutes later she was still standing in the same position, her mouth half-open with the water washing over her bottom lip and her eyes staring at the wall with the water weighing down her eyelashes, with his words ringing in her ears. Had he meant what she thought he meant?

So she moved out of the shower, grabbed the closest towel and wrapped it tightly around her to fight off the chill of the surrounding air. Her hands were shaking when she turned the key in the door, but the trembles were not due to the coldness of the air. The soles of her feet were still slightly wet as she stepped out of the bathroom, looking to the right and left as if she was about to cross a busy road. The hallway was dark and the silence rudely invaded her every limb, crawling into the core of her body. She quickly ducked for the guestroom, where all her clothes still were, and she closed the door behind her. Her eyes made a rapid scan of the room before rushing over to the wardrobe to pull out some warm clothes. The coldness was seeping into her bones and she was pretty sure the hard edge to the chilliness was not only due to the outside environment.

After pulling on some clothes, she crept under the comforter and closed her eyes, feeling how her wet hair had already gone cold and was transferring the water to the pillow. She told herself that she should sleep. She tried to sink into the oblivion of unconsciousness. But of course, that was easier said than done. Her overactive imagination wouldn't let her brain rest for anything. She was torturing herself with everything that had happened and everything that might happen – both good and bad – if she stayed. The darkness closed around her. She could feel it pressing against her eyelids and she took a deep breath and turned her head to the other side, as if that would shake the thoughts out of her mind.

_Three hours later_

She opened her eyes with a sigh, realizing that yet another hour had gone by since she checked the time last, and she still hadn't been able to fall asleep. Her mind was trying to tell her something. Or she just loved to torture herself. Either way, she pulled the comforter away from her body and rose from the bed. She needed to find Max. 

TBC...


	42. Chapter 42

**Chapter 42**

_well there was a time when you let me know   
what's really going on below  
but now you never show that to me, do you  
but remember when I moved in you  
and the holy dove was moving too  
and every breath we drew was hallelujah_

well, maybe there's a god above  
but all I've ever learned from love   
was how to shoot somebody who outdrew you  
it's not a cry that you hear at night  
it's not somebody who's seen the light  
it's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah

Excerpt from "Hallelujah" by Jeff Buckley 

She wasn't surprised to find him in Joshua's room. Still it sent a shiver through her body. He had needed to talk to her and she had shut him out and left him alone with his sorrow. But she had to stop beating herself up. She had to start thinking about her own feelings as well, otherwise his sorrow would start to gnaw on her soul too. At first it looked as if he was asleep, but the second her bare feet crossed the threshold he turned his head towards her. Her sharp intake of air was buffered by the vulnerability in his eyes.  
"Liz…" he whispered. "I didn't think you would come."  
"I couldn't sleep," she answered, trying to make it sound as if that was the main reason why she was there.  
He nodded quietly, his gaze fixed on her face. She bit her lower lip and slowly moved into the room. The air was heavy and silent around her. It felt as if she was walking into a church. A sense of deep respect reached into her and commanded her to listen.   
He must've sense the hint of discomfort in her movements. "Do you want to go somewhere else?"  
She met his eyes, trying to decide what he wanted. From where she was standing, he seemed genuine about moving somewhere else if she wanted to. "If you are okay with it…"  
He nodded and stood up, "Okay."

It hit her as he slowly and carefully closed the door behind him, as if Joshua was taking a nap inside and shouldn't be disturbed, that if she would remain in Max's life Joshua and Tess would remain a constant part of their life. Was she really ready for that?  
"You okay?"   
She looked up at him and realized that they were already downstairs and Max was looking at her worriedly.  
"Max," she couldn't meet his eyes, "we need to be honest with each other."   
He nodded and sank down in the couch behind him.  
"What did you mean with that 'she's gone'?" Liz asked.  
He looked straight at her then, forcing her to meet his eyes. "This might sound strange but in a way I told her to leave and now she's gone. The part of my life that she once filled is not hers anymore. It's yours."  
She couldn't stop his words from giving her new hope. Yet again. But she quickly swallowed it. She wouldn't let him do this to her once more.  
"Yes, you keep saying that, Max, and then everything is okay for awhile. But as soon as something important happens between us you pull away."  
Max stared at her. "I… I…"  
"I need to know. Are you absolutely sure that she's gone?"

Max looked down for a couple of seconds before he rose from the sofa, positioning himself very close to her. She had to fight not to close her eyes at the sensation of him softly cradling her cheek, his thumb lightly brushing over her cheekbone.   
"Listen to me. I was lost before, I admit that. Even though you have helped me more than you'll ever understand you also complicated everything."  
He saw the hurt explode in her eyes along with fresh tears, and he hurried to continue. He had caused her too much harm already. "In the beginning, your presence here made me feel worse-"  
She tried to pull away from him, but he caught her arm and held on tightly. "Just listen, Liz."  
"Why?" she cried, tears running down her cheeks, her body trembling with pain.  
"You wanted honesty, I'm giving you honesty."  
She sniffled and swallowed. He could see in her eyes that she still wanted to run away, but still she stopped fighting him – physically.  
"It made it worse because you forced me to see life again. You were trying to force something out of my life that I had been holding onto for so long that I had forgotten how to let go and it hurt. It really hurt, Liz. But I think that a part of me was begging you to continue because I knew that I didn't want to live out the rest of my life trapped in a fantasy world with my dead wife and son."  
She let him put his arms around her and pull her towards him, hugging her close. He could feel the trembles going through her body and at this point he wasn't sure if it was because of her crying or if it was due to something else.

"Last night was the most amazing night." His voice was low in her ear, caressing the broken pieces of her heart and gently pushing her insecurities away. "I love you so much. I can understand if you can't see it, because I'm acting so strangely, but I love you so much I don't know what to do. I just know that I can't survive if you're not here."  
"I know," she whispered.  
She softly moved out of his embrace and looked up at him. She never stopped to take his breath away. He had never seen her any more beautiful. Everything she was feeling, everything she was thinking at that exact moment was displayed for him to see. She was so open it made him want to cry for all the pain he'd caused her over the last weeks.  
"I could see it. I could see how much you loved me when we were making love. That's why it hurt so much when you left me. I couldn't understand why you would pull back because I had seen you that night, Max. For the first time I really saw _you_."  
He brushed a futile tear off her cheek with the pad of his thumb. "I'm so sorry for leaving you. I'm so sorry."  
"I don't think I can handle you doing that. I love you too much. I can't deal with you pushing me away whenever it becomes too much for you."  
"I'm sorry." He didn't know what else to say. How could he prove to her that he pulled away to get perspective and that it was now clear to him.  
As if answering his silent question, she said quietly, "I can see that you're sorry, Max. Please just… just tell me instead why you left. Why couldn't you talk to me about it?"

"This is still very new for me, Liz."  
"What is?"  
"This talking thingy. Isabel always used to call me Mr. Emotionally Unavailable, and I don't think she grabbed that concept out of thin air. It's still really difficult to talk about what I'm feeling, because half of the time _I_ don't even know what I'm feeling. It's very scary at times."  
She offered him a weak smile, trying to show that she was there for him, but she was too shaky to be able to muster up too much compassion. "You could've just told me that. That you were scared and didn't know what you felt. That would've helped."  
Max smiled at her with a hint of disbelief. "Are you really sure that you would've wanted to hear that before? That I was scared? You might feel now that it would've been better if I had told you something instead of just walking out of the bedroom, but I think that everything I could've said then would've hurt you. It had nothing to do with you, Liz. I needed to sort it out by myself. I think that us…" his voice lowered to a soft intimate timber, "…making love was the best thing that could happen. It set me straight. It made me see clearly and I just had to literally move Tess out of my head. Do you understand what I mean?"   
"I think so," Liz whispered.

Silence fell over them with such suddenness that all they could do was to look at each other.  
"Are we okay?" Max asked a couple of minutes later.   
"We'll have to work on it, but yeah… I think we're okay," Liz sniffled, brushing the remaining tears away from her eyes. "But if you do this again, if you pull away, I'm getting Maria."  
Max laughed, removing the last strings of despair out of Liz's heart. "I don't think either of us wants that to happen."  
He looked at her closely, trying to decide for himself if she was really okay.  
"I'm getting there," she answered quietly.  
He shook his head lightly. How was it that she already could read him so well when he felt like he still had so much left to learn about her? His eyes drifted to her lips and he leaned forward, capturing her soft lips in a featherlike kiss.  
"Thank you," he whispered simply.

-------------------------------------------------

"How do you know that it's all sunshine and fluffy pink clouds from now on?"  
Liz looked at Maria in incomprehension. "Huh? What are you talking about?"   
"You know exactly what I'm talking about, babe. How do you know that he won't hurt you again in another one of his dark phases, which seems to be hitting him every time you are happy?"   
"I guess I don't," Liz answered, avoiding Maria's eyes.   
Of course she was scared of that. She knew that she was yet again putting her heart in jeopardy, but she couldn't help it. She had to give it another chance, even if it was the last one.  
"I can't let him go. He's too important to me now."  
Maria looked at her for a long time in a silence that seemed almost inhuman coming from Maria. Then she scooted closer to Liz on the couch and put an arm around her shoulders.  
"I know that he is, sweetie," Maria said softly. "I realized very early that he was something special. But special or not, he's still human, he's still a man, and we still don't understand them."  
Liz laughed lightly. "So, how _is_ Michael doing?"  
"Nah-uh, don't try to change the subject," Maria said quickly, the small blush raising on her cheeks the only sign that Liz had hit the mark. She cleared her throat and pulled Liz into a hug. "He might be worth your effort in the end but not if he keeps hurting you like this. If he does it again you have to leave him alone and let him heal on his own, because if he keeps hurting you he's certainly not ready for you yet."  
Liz's arms tightened around her best friend. "Thank you, Maria, for looking after me."  
Maria pulled away, trying to be as discreet as possible as she brushed some tears away from her cheeks. "Hey, that's what I'm here for."  
"Hey Maria."

The two girls both jumped at the voice.  
"God, Max, you scared the crap out of me," Maria hissed, looking back at Liz for support. But Liz was staring at Max and Maria stilled, observing her friend. Liz really was terribly in love with that man.  
"Girl, you're so obvious," Maria whispered to Liz.  
Liz turned her head towards Maria and looked at her slightly confused. But Maria just raised one pointed eyebrow and then turned to Max.  
"The only reason that I haven't killed you yet is because my friend here seems to think that you are worth saving."  
"Maria," Liz groaned.  
Max knew Maria well enough by now to be able to separate the truth from the fiction in her message and he remained serious. "I don't know what I've done to deserve her."  
His eyes automatically drifted to Liz who was looking at him with a soft secret smile adoring her lips.  
"Beats me," Maria answered. "But seriously Max," Max tore his eyes away from Liz and looked at Maria, "if you ever feel the need to do something again that you think might hurt Liz, let her go first. She might not know it yet, but as a friend, I know that she can't handle anymore."  
"You have my word," Max answered.  
"Good. Now, not to be rude or anything but you kinda interrupted best friend quality time here, so could you just…" Maria nodded her head in the direction of the stairs, hinting that he should go somewhere else.  
"Maria," Liz warned.  
"No, that's okay," Max said. "I completely understand. I have some work to do anyway." He stepped closer to the sofa and bent down and gave Liz a gentle kiss. Pulling back so that his face was a mere inch away from hers, their eyes locked, he added quietly; "I'll see you later, beautiful."  
With that he straightened up and smiled at Maria. "It was nice to see you again, Maria."  
"You too, Max," Maria said genuinely.

As soon as Max was out of earshot Maria leaned closer to Liz. "Did something else happen? It feels like there's something I'm missing here. You said that you had a talk about him getting rid of Tess, was that all?"  
Liz's eyes dropped to her hands and as the Liz's cheeks warmed, Maria's mouth fell open.  
"You didn't!"  
"What do you mean?" Liz mumbled, forcing herself to meet Maria's eyes. Which probably was a bad choice because Maria could read everything she needed to know in Liz's eyes.  
"You did!" Maria exclaimed, pointing at Liz triumphantly.  
"Maria, sshhh," Liz hushed, glancing at the stairs.  
But Maria was oblivious to everything except her new revelation.  
"You had sex!"  
"Shhhh, Maria!" Liz hushed, mortified. Being such close friends with someone had its advantages, but also its disadvantages. This would be one of those disadvantages. Not even her sex-life would remain secret.  
"When?"   
"Yesterday."  
"Oh my God! I guess he really convinced you that Tess was gone, didn't he?"  
"Uhm… that was afterwards."

If possible, Maria's jaw dropped even further.  
"Okay, I want to know everything!"  
Liz frowned, "That's private, Maria."  
"Not the sex-part," Maria corrected with an eye roll, "Although I'm expecting an evaluation about that later." Liz just shook her head in amusement. "How was it that you sorted things out _after_ you had sex?"  
So Liz told her everything that had happened that night. How they had gone to the bowling alley and how they had both been feeling really good and normal that night. She told her about how they had ended up on the couch watching TV and later how that had changed into kissing and continued on from there, getting even more intimate. She told Maria about Max pulling away in the morning and leaving her alone, and lastly Maria found out most of the details of the conversation they'd had afterwards.  
"God, Liz. You two do it all, don't you?" Maria said slowly. "How did we end up here? _I_ used to be the one everything happened to and I had all these complicated relationships, but you… gosh Liz… how did everything get turned upside down?"  
"We fell in love," Liz answered.  
Maria answered with a smile, her thoughts directly going to her own man, who had bought her a puppy yesterday, which she had yet to tell Liz. "We sure did."

TBC...


	43. Chapter 43

**Chapter 43**

_A week later_

She grabbed the edge of the counter as another dizzy spell made the surroundings dance around her. What was wrong with her? She opened her eyes to find Max looking at her.  
"Are you okay?"  
She swallowed back the nausea and nodded. "I'm fine."  
The concern was still present in his eyes but she could almost hear him forcing it out of his system, trying not to let it hold his attention for too long. He came around up behind her and put his arms around her waist, resting his chin on her shoulder.  
"So, what are you up to today?" he murmured.   
"I'm going shopping with Maria."  
"Okay," he kissed her throat lightly. "How about I cook dinner for us tonight?"   
"Wonderful," she smiled. "I'll get some videos and we can have a hardcore movie night."  
He laughed and gave her a peck on the cheek before moving away. "It's a date."

--------------------------------------------------

"Okay, sit down," Maria ordered, pointing at one of the chairs outside a café they were just about to pass.  
"I'm fine," Liz protested.  
"Don't even try pulling that crap on me, Liz," Maria said, looking offended that Liz would even attempt lying to her. "You look as if you're about to throw up any second."  
Liz sank down on one of the chairs, grateful that Maria had given her a reason to sit down.  
"I'm fine," Liz repeated, but her short breath got caught in her throat betraying her of the disguise that everything was okay.  
Maria narrowed her eyes and for a second Liz thought that Maria was going to slap her.  
"How many years have we been friends, Liz?"  
Liz looked at her best friend confused. "Uhm… since we were like five or something."  
"Do you really think that you can fool me that everything is okay when, one, you are suffering from a heart condition, second, I know your facial expressions like the back of my hand, and third, that I know that you always try to put up a façade that everything is okay even though it's not?"  
Liz lowered her eyes and took a deep breath. When she spoke, her voice was quiet and trembling. "Don't worry, Maria. I called Dr. Stevens earlier today."  
Liz could feel the heaviness of Maria's concern slamming into her and she had to struggle to fight back her own tears of fear.  
"What's wrong?" Maria whispered and Liz felt the guilt come creeping for once again being the reason of Maria's concern.  
A single tear escaped Liz's eye and she answered softly. "I don't know. I've been feeling nauseous for about two days but this morning was the first time I felt dizzy."  
"Have you been taking your pills?" Maria asked.  
Liz nodded, removing another tear from her cheek. She was scared to death. She knew that a heart transplant could mean that she could live anywhere from one day to ten years. Time after those ten years became outside of the ordinary; the chance of surviving for more than ten years was slim. Her body might at the moment be rejecting the heart that was keeping her alive and she knew, from bitter meetings with doctors, that she could be dead tomorrow. The future was never certain.

She felt Maria's arms around her and gratefully succumbed to the warmth and comfort of her friend's embrace.  
"Have you talked to Max yet?"  
"I don't want him to know. I want to see if there's something wrong first and then when I have the answers I can handle a discussion with him. I don't want to worry him if this is something that is going to blow over."  
"He will know that something is wrong."  
"He already knows," Liz answered, pulling back from Maria's hug. "I can see that he's trying to not be too overprotective. I can see that he's fighting to not be like Kevin; to not suffocate me with concern. But it's part of his personality."  
"I don't think it's a personality issue," Maria answered. "He loves you and you have a heart condition. He's worried that something is going to happen to you. It's just part of him caring for you. He needs to know, Liz."  
"I _will_ tell him. As soon as I've spoken with Dr. Stevens."  
"When is your appointment?"  
"At three."  
Maria gave her a weak smile. "Okay, sweetie. Let's push it to the side and enjoy our day. I'm sure everything's fine."  
Liz could easily pick out the insecurity in Maria's reassurance, but as they always would, they pretended that everything was perfectly alright.

-----------------------------------------------------------

"Elizabeth, please take a seat."  
Liz took a deep breath and sat down on the examination table. She knew that the test results probably weren't very good if she was asked to sit down.  
Dr. Stevens cleared his throat, skimmed through his notes for about twenty seconds which had Liz fidgeting, and then looked up to meet Liz's large fearful eyes.   
"Elizabeth, you are pregnant."  
"What?" Liz breathed. Suddenly she wasn't sure if she should cry or laugh, but tears of relief revealed themselves at their own will, and stunned she just stared at the doctor. She had expected to hear that she was going to die, but instead she gets the message that she's created life.   
"Are you sure?" she whispered, trying to put dates and circumstances together in her head. "Because I always use protection." With a frown, she added, "We used a condom."   
"Condoms have a 2 failure rate," Dr. Stevens said.  
"Oh my God," Liz murmured. "Are you sure? Are you absolutely sure that I'm pregnant?"  
"Yes," Dr. Stevens answered.   
Sighing, he pulled his chair up close to the examination table, sat down and looked at Liz with grave seriousness.  
"If you were a healthy woman, a pregnancy wouldn't cause much trouble. But you are a heart transplant recipient, Liz."  
"What do you suggest?" Liz asked monotonously. But she already knew the answer. She'd always known that becoming a mother was something she would never accomplish.  
"That you terminate the pregnancy. Both for the sake of your wellbeing and your baby's."  
Liz swallowed back her tears. Her baby. How could the possible killing of a couple of cells that had barely formed a fetus yet already create a black void of sorrow in her heart?  
"Is there any change at all for me to be able to go through this pregnancy?" Liz asked.  
Dr. Stevens looked at her in silence for a long time before answering. He could read the hope in the young woman, the longing to become a mother, but he wouldn't sugarcoat any of the information. He needed Liz to understand that continuing her pregnancy could kill her.

-----------------------------------------------------

Liz slightly jumped when Max placed his hand over hers.  
"Liz, are you okay?"  
She avoided his concerned look and put her energy in placing the dining knife exactly parallel to the fork on her plate.  
"You've been somewhere else all evening," Max continued.  
She looked over at the wall and nodded absent-mindedly. "Mmm."  
"Liz?" The persistence in his voice translated into him squeezing her hand to get her attention. "What happened?"  
Liz closed her eyes, wondering for the millionth time how she should break it to him. Because she had to tell him. She couldn't hide something like this from him. She unconsciously started to fidget with the ring on her finger, avoiding meeting his eyes. His need to know what was happening was pressing down on her and it felt like the air around her was running out of oxygen.  
She took a deep breath and looked up at him. "I guess I should just tell you."  
His grip on her hand tightened and she could see on his face that he was trying his best to remain neutral in spite of the tension in his body.  
She looked away from him, smiled nervously and said, "I'm pregnant."  
She could feel the slight jump of confusion in the hand that was grabbing hers. Then there was silence and he pulled his hand away. She forced herself to look at him, but he was staring down in the table. 

"Max?" She didn't recognize the ghost of her own voice as it insecurely fluttered across the table.  
"You can't be," Max whispered, his eyes flickering across the surface of the table, unseeing and panicking.  
"I had them run the test three times. I'm pregnant."  
"But we used… We used protection." He looked up and the fear in his eyes cut through her heart like a knife cutting through butter. Even though his reaction was understandable, even predictable, she had wished that he had been happily surprised instead.  
"The protection obviously didn't work," Liz said softly.  
He stared at her, his mouth half-open, his eyes showing the fervent workings of his brain. Then his eyes regained focus and his gaze changed to look straight into her.  
"What about you? Are you okay? Is your heart okay?"  
She couldn't help but smile, even though the smile was bittersweet.  
She knew that he could see past the lie, yet she still tried. "I'm fine. Just a little tired."  
His eyes moved over her face, trying to see past her words. When he stood up, Liz followed his movements with rising sense of dread. Was he just going to leave? He moved around the table, stopped right next to her and put his hand out in inviting gesture.  
She swallowed and placed her hand in his. He pulled her up by the hand and enveloped her in his arms. Tremors went through their embrace, but she didn't know if it was her or him that was trembling.  
His breath was warm against her neck, comforting. "I'm sorry."  
She felt like crying, but she couldn't. "It takes two, Max."  
A shudder of pleasure went through her when he softly and slowly placed a kiss on the side of her neck. A wave of love moved through her and she stepped even closer to him, trying to drown herself in his warmth and smell.  
"I'm so sorry you have to go through this, but I'll be by your side through the whole procedure."

Liz tensed up, suspecting what he was hinting at wasn't what she wanted. "What do you mean?"  
"The abortion," Max answered. "You're getting an abortion, right?"   
She stepped away from him, suddenly feeling nauseous. Of course, she had expected him to say it. It was what the doctor had recommended, even pushed for her to do. On some level she even knew that he was only looking out for her, but it still hurt that he wanted them to remove their child, something they had created together.  
"I'm not feeling too good," she mumbled, her eyes stuck to the floor. "I'm gonna take a nap."  
Before she had a chance to move out of his way, his hand grabbed around her upper arm, stopping her in her flight.  
"No, Liz. We have to talk about this. You are not actually considering going through with this pregnancy?"  
She knew that she was being stupid. She knew it. Still she couldn't stop herself from wanting to have this child. She might be selfish and irrational, but she had never even thought that she would become pregnant. She had always abolished the thought as impossible, but the knowledge that she would never be able to have a child had at the same time grown to an insatiable need inside of her.

She felt ashamed. She knew that she would get everyone against her, but this was her life and her body. She wanted a child.   
"Other people in my position have had children."  
There was a few seconds of dead silence and then she heard Max spoke through clenched jaw, telling her without having to look at him that he was getting angry. "What did Dr. Stevens say? Or maybe you didn't tell him about your plans?"  
"He told me to terminate the pregnancy."  
"And why did he tell you that, Liz? Is there maybe a reason why a doctor with a medical degree and years of experience will tell you to abort your child?"  
"Don't speak to me like that," Liz looked up at him, feeling hurt and alone.   
"Just listen to yourself, Liz. You are putting your own life in jeopardy."  
She didn't want to cry. She wanted to remain strong and level-headed, but her heart had a will of its own.  
With a single frustrated tear running down her cheek, she said slowly, "You don't even know how it's like not to be able to have children. You had a child. You went through pregnancy with your wife, the birth of your son. You saw him grow up. You had someone to love."   
"He died, Liz!"  
She took a step away from him at the coldness of his voice and the fire in his dark eyes.  
"Believe me, you don't want to see someone grow up and love him so much, to later bury him."

"Not everyone dies, Max. I mean, everyone dies, but you… they just had… they were just at the wrong place at the wrong time."  
"Damnit, Liz." He spit the words out, disbelief in his eyes. "Wrong place at the wrong time? What the hell is that? A fucking drunk killed them. It can happen to anyone, but it happened to Josh and Tess."  
"I know, Max, and I'm sorry, but that doesn't mean that you should never love again. If you would use that reasoning about everything, you should throw me out as well."  
"This is not about me, Liz. This is about you and you putting your life in danger. The reason why I don't want you to do this is _because_ I love you so much. I don't want to lose you. I can't lose you."  
He angrily brushed some tears of his cheek. "Don't do this, Liz. I would love to have a child with you, but you have to be realistic."  
"I want to have a child with you, Max. I want to give you a child."  
"Don't Liz…"  
"I want to have a family with you. I want to be normal."  
"You can be normal without having a child."  
"No, I can't."  
Max looked away, trying to stop himself from saying the wrong things in the heat of the moment. Instead he reached out and pulled her close. She struggled at first, but he held on.  
"Then think about Maria. Think about your parents. Think about me. You don't know how much you mean to all of us. We don't want anything else from you but you. You don't have to prove anything. Do you want to put us through the risk of losing you, and maybe even an anticipated child, in childbirth? Or even during the pregnancy. Your body can barely work for you alone, how is it going to be able to work for another person inside of you? You know that you're talking nonsense."

"I know," Liz sobbed. "I know that it would mean a big risk, but there's nothing I want more than to have this child. Please let me do it."  
He took a deep breath and she sensed from the tension in his body that it took a lot of him to say, "I'm gonna stand by you whatever you choose to do, but you should know that I'm gonna do everything in my power to stop you from making the wrong choice."  
His words didn't really make her feel better. They were still divided. But right now, she wouldn't change her mind and she had a feeling he wouldn't change his either.  
"I talked about it with Dr. Stevens and he said that it was possible but that there were risks involved."  
"I love you so much," Max whispered, hugging her close as if he was trying to remove this whole bad thing.  
"I'm not gonna die," Liz said, not really sure why she said it, because it didn't really help the situation at all.  
"We'll talk about this later, okay?" 

TBC...


	44. Chapter 44

**Chapter 44**

Her crying echoed through the room, creeping into the tendrils of his unconsciousness, pulling him back towards consciousness. He was met by darkness when he opened his eyes and his arm automatically went out to the side, feeling her warm body under his palm. Her crying stilled, his conscious presence taking her by surprise. He turned on his side and crept closer to her, putting one arm around her waist and pulling her close, nestling her body against his. He moved some tendrils of her hair away from her neck and brushed his lips against her skin.  
"I'm scared," she whispered, her voice sounding misplaced in the stillness of the night.  
He curled closer to her, moving his hand up under her shirt and melding his palm to her flat stomach.  
"I want to have this baby so badly, but I know that I can die and I don't want to hurt you. I don't want to leave you alone."  
"Me neither," Max said quietly, slowly kissing her throat.  
"I don't know what to do."  
"Let's give it some time," Max said. "We have to get used to the thought and let our feelings cool down a little bit. It's a big decision – a huge decision – and we have to be sure that we are making the right one."  
"Okay," Liz sniffed, feeling herself warming up, the feeling of having Max so close moving away from comforting and moving into a state of arousal. But she quickly tried to push it away. This was not the time.

She turned around to face him, her movement causing his hand to brush over her breast, making her suck her breath in a little bit too sharply. She couldn't really see his face in the darkness and the fact that her eyes were swollen and her gaze blurry from the crying didn't make it any clearer. But at least she could pretend that he hadn't noticed her reaction.  
"What about you? How are you feeling? Are you okay?"  
He turned on his back and she laid her head on his chest, angling her head to look up at him. His hand started to randomly and lightly move over her back. She was trying not to think about it too much, but she couldn't stop the feelings his movement stirred.  
"I'm still in shock, I guess," he said, gazing down at her through his long dark eye-lashes.  
"I love you," Liz said softly.  
He smiled lightly. "Ditto."   
She crawled up his body and brushed her lips against his. He lightly ran his tongue over her bottom lip and she sighed in his mouth. He captured her upper lip between his lips as his hand ran under her shirt, lightly wandering up the stairs of her vertebrae.   
She slid her right thigh across his legs so that she was now straddling him. His hands moved up to frame her face. They were too engrossed with the sensations of each other to notice the tremors going through both of their bodies. Their breathing was becoming heavier by the second and their bodies were heating up where they were in contact with each other. Her hands were enjoying the continent of his chest, following every crevice, every contour of every muscle, while her mouth adored his soft lips.  
"You're such a good kisser," she mumbled, with a twinge of disbelief flattering her voice.  
He laughed softly. "You are" kiss "very" kiss "kissable."  
"Why, thank you," she whispered, her hand snaking under the waistband of his boxers. Slightly distracted, Max's kissing slowed down a bit, his hands moving down from her face, down her shoulders, down her waist and then made a 180 to turn upwards, bringing her top along with him. She raised her arms and their lips separated in order to remove that article of clothing.

"God, you're beautiful," Max mumbled, his eyes caressing her naked upper body. Liz had to fight the instinctive urge to cover herself with her arms. The immodest way Max was looking at her made her feel naked on more levels than one. He pushed himself into sitting position, making her slide down his abdomen to rest on his lap and then slowly moved closer to her. She shivered when his lips made contact with the bare skin between her breasts. Her eyes closed and she relished in the sensation of his moist lips kissing a trail down her chest. It didn't take her long to realize that his lips were following the scar from the heart surgery that was running down the middle of her chest. It made her breath quicken. It made her momentarily think about Kevin and how he always wanted to have the lights off when they made love and how he would always avoid looking at her chest – as if the scar itself disgusted him. Then Max's lips closed over her nipple and the sound of her sharp gasp echoed against the walls. His tongue softly circled around the dark areole and her body arched against him.  
"So beautiful," Max mumbled, the sound waves sending ripples across her sensitive skin making her moan in pleasure and impatience.  
"Don't… Please, don't, Max," Liz breathed, her voice coming in almost staccato.  
"Don't what?" Max asked just before his lips surrounded her other nipple.  
"Oh God," she whispered, resting her forehead on the top of his head.  
"Don't what?" Max repeated huskily and she shivered beneath him.  
"Don't…stop," she mumbled, her breath hot against the top of his head.  
"Okay," Max whispered and raised his head up to taste her lips again. Slowly, he rolled them to the side and suddenly she was on her back staring up in his dark desire-filled eyes.

He looked at the woman lying beneath him, how her hair flared out around her head and her lips swollen and red from the kissing, and he smiled.  
"Hi."   
She smiled back. "Hi."  
"How are you doing?"  
She laughed softly. "Better now."  
He raised one eyebrow and Liz felt a wave of strong desire course through her. God, the things he did to her with just one movement. "That's good to hear. Are you up for more?"  
She bit her lower lip to stop herself from smiling and nodded.  
"Is that a 'yes'?"  
She paused and looked at him. Next she rose up on her elbows so that her face was just two centimeters from his face. "Mmm-hmm." She attacked his lips and encircled his back with her arms, pulling him down on her. She smiled against his mouth at the sensation of his naked chest against her breasts. She didn't think she would ever get over how gorgeous that felt.  
"Max?" Liz said softly when he started to kiss down her neck.  
"Mmmm." His tongue teased over her nipple, making her thoughts screech to a halt. Next stop was her bellybutton which he adored with his tongue. The things he could do with that tongue.  
"Don't… God, Max," she gasped.  
"Mmmm," he said again, licking the border between her stomach and her panties.  
"Don't ever stop loving me."  
He stopped and looked up at her. She was looking down at him, with a hint of fear in her eyes. "I won't."  
"You promise?"  
His fingers looped in the panties over her hipbones and he started to pull them downwards. "I promise."

Liz was holding her breath in anticipation as he slowly pulled the panties down her legs, his index fingers trailing lightly against the sensitive skin of her inner thighs. Her body was aching all over. She wanted him so badly she wasn't thinking clearly any longer.  
"Do you trust me?"  
She tried to focus on his voice, but his skin was brushing all over her skin as he moved up over her body.  
"Of…course," she breathed.  
"Then trust that you'll have to put up with me-" he looked straight into her eyes and tenderly brushed the pad of this thumb over her cheekbone "-for a long time."  
"I want you, Max, please, just…"  
"I love you," Max breathed and with one thrush he joined them.  
"Thank God," Liz smiled.  
"You can call me Max," Max said.  
"Stop talking," Liz half laughed, half groaned. She grabbed a hold of his elbows that were holding him up on both sides of her face, feeling the warmth of his body rushing into her palms and fingers.  
"Oh Liz," Max mumbled, quickening the pace. It was the sexiest, most desirable and at the same time, most comforting feeling to be moving inside of her.   
"Don't stop," Liz said, kissing his shoulder.  
"Believe me… Nothing… can stop me…right now."  
Liz couldn't help but laugh at the stubbornness in his voice, but her laughter came to an abrupt halt when she realized something. "Max."  
He looked down at her at the fear in her voice, his hands under her body, to lift her upper body up.  
"We forgot the condom."

He stopped momentarily in his movements and frowned. "Are you serious? Liz, we don't need protection any longer."  
She looked at him for awhile, her mind becoming hazy as he started to move within her again. "Right… Right… I forgot."  
He lifted her body off the pillow and crashed their lips together. That was his only mission for tonight, to make her forget.

--------------------------------------------------------------

"I want to come with you to see the doctor."  
Liz opened her eyes and looked at him. They were lying on their sides, facing each other, Max moving his fingers in circles over her naked back. Before she had time to answer, Max added, "I want to know exactly what risks this pregnancy would involve."   
"Okay," she answered, hope twinkling in her eyes.  
Max looked at her in contemplation and then reached forward to brush a kiss against her forehead, which was still slightly damp from their love making.  
"I just want you to be happy."  
She smiled at him softly. "I _am_ happy. Just being with you makes me happy."  
"I didn't know that you wanted a child so badly."   
"I just never thought it was possible, so it's been like this unreachable dream all my life. Now I discover it can come true, I want to give it a shot."  
"We have to do research. A lot of research. We have to know what we're getting ourselves into."   
Liz frowned. "Wait, you almost sound like you're willing to give this a try."

Max's finger played with the hair resting against the side of her ear. "I never said that I didn't want to have a child with you. It would be a big leap for me. I don't know if it would bring forward feelings of Josh – probably will. The question is how it will make me feel. I don't want it to alienate me from you."  
"You would have nine months to get used to the idea and deal with ghosts."  
"I know. But then there's the obvious question of your life being in jeopardy. I won't have a child if it means that you might die."  
"I think that risk will always exist. It doesn't mean that it will happen."  
"Then why do it. Why can't we just enjoy what we have now?"  
"You don't understand. A child…" She shook her head in amazement. As if she couldn't quite fathom the idea herself that she could become a mother. "It would mean everything to me."  
"Then what if you miscarriage? Do you know how devastated you would be? Isn't it better to abort now when you don't have those strong feelings of attachment yet?"  
She brushed some tears of her cheek, whispering 'damnit' under her breath. She had told herself to stop crying, but it didn't seem to work.  
"I can't explain it, Max. I know I'm being irrational. But I love you so much and for once I want to have a taste of perfection. Perfection would mean to have a child with you."   
"Sweetie…" Max said softly, kissing her shoulder. "I understand. Let's talk to the doctor first, okay?"  
"Okay." 

TBC...


	45. Chapter 45

**Chapter 45**

"No, Maria, I'm fine. I'm feeling better."   
Max leaned in and kissed her cheek, taking the cup of coffee she had poured for him. She looked up at him and smiled.  
"The doctor said that everything looked fine… No, I'm not lying. Why would I lie to you, Maria?"  
Max moved behind her to get a donut, his finger following the part of her back that had been exposed when her top had ridden up while she was trying to reach the cups in the upper cabinet. She had to hold back a gasp and tried to regain focus on Maria's ramble on the other side of the phone.  
"He said that my blood pressure was a bit low, that's all. He put me on a sugar diet."  
Max smiled secretly next to her, shuffling the donut into his mouth. He moved behind her again to grab his coffee, but was distracted by how her hand was kneading the side of her neck. He lightly pushed her hand away and let his fingers creep under the seam of her shirt and started kneading her flesh.  
"Oh," Liz moaned and Max smiled broadly when he heard Maria exclaiming 'What!" in shock on the other end.  
"Nothing, my…uhm…my shoulders are just hurting and I tried to relieve it and I pressed a really sore point."

Max continued to work on her sore muscles and added some extra care to her neck by raining small kisses against her skin.  
"No, we're not doing anything special. We're just going shopping."  
He could hear the strain in her voice and he smiled inwardly. He was making it difficult for her to concentrate and he was enjoying every second of it.  
"Uhm… no… I don't think that's such a good idea. We need some time alone. But we can do something together tomorrow, Maria."  
Max's hands moved down Liz's back and came to stop over the bare skin of her stomach. His bottom lip was sliding up the side of her neck leaving a trail of wetness that made a shiver run through her body as the air came into contact with the area.  
"Yep, no, I'll tell him. Yes. Okay. Bye, Maria. Bye."  
Liz hung up, turning around to face Max. "What are you doing?" She tried to look stern but she could feel the laughter playing with the corners of her mouth.  
"I'm having breakfast," Max said innocently.  
Her eyes glittered with laughter, but her smile took on a contemplative quality and she said, "You're so gorgeous when you're happy."  
His facial expression turned somber and he answered by kissing her. "Are you ready to leave?"  
"I'm just gonna finish my tea."  
"Okay," he kissed her again, "I'll go and shave because if I stay around here for any longer, I'm not sure I will be able to control myself."  
She smiled brightly. "Thank you, Max."  
He paused. "For what?"  
She shrugged. "Just thank you."   
"Okay… You're welcome?"  
She gave him a peck on the cheek. "You're so cute when you're confused."  
"That's my cue to leave," Max said, his fingers lingering on her bare back until the last second.

--------------------------------------------------------

"Dr. Stevens, this is Max Evans."  
Max shook hands with the doctor, "Pleasure to meet you."  
"Please, have a seat." He turned his attention to the petite brunette, who was clasping her hand together with Max. He had to admit, they were a beautiful couple. "How are you feeling today, Elizabeth?"  
"Today is a good day," she answered and sneaked a glance in Max's direction.  
Dr. Stevens pretended he didn't see anything and nodded. "That's good. And have your opinion about your pregnancy changed?"  
"We wanted to know all the risks involved, Dr. Stevens, before we make a decision," Max spoke.  
"That's very wise."  
"We want you to be as honest as possible," Liz said.  
"Let me first say that there have been many successful pregnancies for post-transplant women. About 70 don't suffer any problems except premature delivery."  
"And the other 30?" Max asked.  
Liz squeezed his hand, knowing that he wanted to know everything that could put her in danger.  
"Elizabeth will have to stay on her immunosuppressive drugs during the whole pregnancy. Fortunately, the cyclosporine that she's taking has had pretty good success rates relating to pregnancy. There is always a small risk of that the drugs might affect the child."  
"How?" Max asked. To someone who didn't know him, he sounded calm and collected, but Liz could hear the vibration of dread in his voice.  
"Slow development of the fetus, which will result in low birth weights, abnormal heads and mental retardedness. You should know, however, that this is just a small percentage. The main issue is that Elizabeth's body might reject her heart when she has given birth. Carrying the child will in a way mess with the balance in her body, to put it simply. After that child is gone, the body might not be able to regain balance." 

"Oh…" Liz whispered, knowing that this would become the main argument why Max would stop her from having the child.   
"However, it is not for certain that she will even carry the child the whole gestation period. A very high percentage miscarries before the third month."  
Liz looked down at her stomach, feeling the unfairness of the situation weighing down on her.  
"What is your personal opinion, doctor?" Max said, noticing how Liz was struggling next to him to maintain composure. "What do you think, judging from your medical experience, that we should do?"  
Dr. Stevens looked at them for a long time and both Max and Liz felt their hearts speeding up awaiting his verdict.  
"As a specialist in transplantation, I'm advised to recommend you to terminate the pregnancy. The outcome is still too unclear. The risks are too many. On the other hand, the success rate is increasing every year and in women that have made it past third month without miscarrying, there has hardly been any problem. One woman gave birth to twins in 2001 and several have had more than one pregnancy. There is much hope here, but you can't forget about the risks."  
"But what is your opinion, doctor?" Liz asked.  
"I can't make that choice for you, Liz. I can just inform you of the risks and the possibilities. This is your life. You were given another chance. _You_ make the best of it and _you_ decide what to do with it. If you go through with this you might have a beautiful, healthy child in the end, starting a family with Max. But you might also lose the child early in pregnancy, the drugs that you have to be on might negatively affect the child's development, or you might even die. It's all up to you, Liz. I know it's not an easy decision. Abortions can be made fairly late so you have some time to think. But the longer you wait, the more difficult it's going to be to abort."

Liz nodded, the lump in her throat preventing her from speaking.  
"Thank you, doctor," Max said.  
"If you need to know more, I can give you some internet addresses and some references for books and you can research. Would you like that?"  
"Yes, very much," Max answered. "Thank you."  
"That's no problem."  
Liz and Max stood up and Dr. Stevens took a hold of Liz's hand, squeezing it in a comforting gesture. "If there's anything you need to know, just ask me, Elizabeth. We here at the unit will all support you in whatever you decide to do."  
"Thank you," Liz whispered, her eyes tearing up.  
Dr. Stevens turned towards Max. "It was nice meeting you, Max. Take care of Elizabeth. She really needs your support right now."  
"I know. I will." He put his arm around Liz's shoulder and shook Dr. Stevens hand with the other.  
"Bye for now," Dr. Stevens said.

When the automatic sliding doors closed behind her, she broke apart. He caught her as her knees gave away.  
"I just wanted a normal life," Liz sobbed. "I wanted a normal life with you."  
"I know, sweetie," Max said, stroking her hair and kissing her forehead. "But we haven't even talked this through yet."  
"I know what…what you're gonna say," she sniffled. "Whatever the circumstances of my pregnancy I can still die afterwards. There's always a risk of rejection."  
"Okay, let's get home first. Get you a cup of tea and we'll talk this through."

----------------------------------------------------------

They had talked it through. Over and over again. It was impossible to reach a sensible decision. Talking to Liz had made Max ponder of the idea of having a child and talking to Max had made Liz more fearful of dying. It was a no win situation. Whatever they did they might lose something or they might win something.

Liz stepped out from the bathroom, her undressed state – wearing only a bra and panties, distracting Max from trying to find the right shirt in the closet.   
"Tell me again why I suggested this?"  
He smiled gently at her. "Because sometimes your mouth is just faster than your rational mind."  
"Max," Liz half-whined, slightly pushing him away to get to her dress in the closet.  
"Because you have a death wish?" Max guessed.  
"That is really not helping, Max," Liz sighed, pulling a black and white dress out of the closet.  
Max stepped closer to her and gave her slow kiss. "Calm down. It's gonna be alright."  
"You don't know them the way I do," Liz whispered. "This was a bad idea. Let's cancel. We can just tell them that we…uhm… both got food poisoning and-"  
"Liz, they are going to find out sooner or later."  
Liz sighed in frustration. "I know. I know I know I know."  
He put his arms around her waist, hugging her from behind. "You can do it. _We_ can do it. The moment it becomes too much, give me a signal and I'll get them all out of here, okay?"  
"You don't know them," Liz repeated. "It's very difficult to get rid of them."

"I can do it, trust me."  
"And what about Isabel? She already hates m-"  
"Don't say it. She doesn't hate you. She's just scared."  
"But this kind of news is just what's going to push her over the edge and freak her out. It's going to freak Maria out. God, Maria." She sighed. "Maybe I should talk to Maria alone. Why am I doing this again?"  
"Relax," Max said slowly. "You don't only have yourself to think about any longer. You have to remain calm. The second things spin out of control, I'm pushing them out. They can hate me forever, but I'll use any method to get them out."  
"Promise?"  
"Cross my heart and hope to die."  
"Okay," she took a deep breath. "Could you tell them?"  
He hesitated. Would it make the situation worse if he said it instead of her? "Sure."  
"Thank you," Liz said.   
"No need to thank me."

----------------------------------------------------

"Liz, this is delicious. Did you use a recipe?"  
"Yeah, I'm not a cook," Liz smiled.  
"I want it," Maria chirped in, devouring the food as if it was her last meal.  
Max met Michael's gaze and had to contain a smile when Michael rolled his eyes at his girlfriend.  
"How's work, Max?" Nancy Parker asked.  
"It's going okay, the kids are wonderful."  
"I don't understand how you put up with all of those kids at the same time," Philip Evans said.  
The table chimed in with agreeing laughter.  
"They're all nice to me," Max answered.  
"That's because you're their hero," Isabel said, ruffling Michelle's hair.  
"Moooom, my hair!"  
"Oh, sorry," Isabel said with a knowing smile.  
"So, is there a special occasion for all of this?" Alex asked.  
"Can't we just invite you all for dinner?" Max asked, feeling Liz's hand squeeze his hand under the table. He gave her a sideway look, noticing the stiffness of her polite smile. Glancing over at Maria, he knew that she had noticed as well.  
"It just doesn't happen very often," Alex said. "Actually, I think I've _never_ been invited to your home, Max."  
Max took a deep breath and entwined his fingers with Liz's. "Well, there was something we needed to tell you all.  
In unison, everyone stopped eating and Max had their full attention. Knowing the problems both families and friends had gone through the last couple of years, they all expected the worse.  
"Uhm…" Max swallowed again. This was harder than he had anticipated it to be. "We're…uhm… We are pregnant." 

Nancy dropped the fork which clattered against the plate, but no one noticed the sound. Everyone was now staring at Liz, who was withering away under their scrutiny.  
Diane Evans was the first one to speak. "That's wonderful, Max."  
Her comment woke everyone else up, everyone else who actually knew the truth about Liz and her condition.  
"You can't have a child?" Nancy whispered. "What are you thinking?"  
"Are you thinking?" Jeff Parker asked, worry mixed with fear in his eyes. "You can't go through with it, you know that right?"  
"What's going on?" Philip asked. "Why can't she have a child? Isn't this good news?"  
But everyone ignored him.  
"This can kill you," Nancy said. "It can harm the child. It's not worth the risk."  
"We've been discussing the risks for several days now and we've decided to keep it," Max said.  
"Oh my God, you are on her side in this?" Isabel whispered.  
"What's going on?" Diane asked.  
"I don't know much about this, but it can kill her, right? You can't handle her dying, Max. You're not strong enough, and we are not strong enough to pick up the pieces of you afterwards."  
Max stared at her sister. "This is not your decision. This is mine and Liz's. Mostly Liz's."  
"She won't have the child. I forbid it."  
Liz's eyes glazed over with tears and her bottom lip started trembling at her mother's words.  
"With your love and support," Max said through clenched jaws, "she can do this."  
"Maria?" Liz whispered. 

Everyone stopped at the tearful plea from Liz. Maria hadn't said a word. She was usually filled with opinions. Maria was crying.   
"Why weren't you more careful? I can't lose you, Liz. I can't lose you. This is selfish. What about the child? The drugs must be harmful to the child. Nothing good can come out of this."   
"But Maria…"  
Maria turned her head away.  
"What are the reasons for you keeping this child?" Jeff asked.  
"We want this child-" Max answered.  
"You _want_ this child?" Nancy said coldly. "A child is not something you possess. It's not something you get to meet a need. A child is alive. The child is going to be around for a long time, needing _you_. What if Liz dies, would you take care of this child? Alone?"  
Max's voice rose at the accusation, "Of course I would."  
"Max was a wonderful father," Isabel said forcefully, her eyes hard as she looked at Nancy.  
"Was? Did he have children? What happened to them?" Jeff asked.  
Liz's fingers digging into the palm of his hand, pulled Max's attention away from the table. He looked down at her, the paleness of her face making his heart starting to gallop in panic.  
"Liz?"  
"I don't feel too good."  
He looked at her worriedly for another two seconds, before he rose from the chair.  
"Okay, everyone out!" he said forcefully.   
Michelle started sobbing out of fright. She had never seen Uncle Max angry. Isabel stared at him. "What!"  
"We are not talking to you when you're behaving like this. Come back to us when you can have a conversation without yelling at Liz."  
"We need to talk about this," Nancy protested.  
"We will. Later. Now, leave."

Maybe it was his tone of voice or maybe the coldness in his eyes, but they all stood up and started to move towards the hallway. Max's parents stepped up to him, confused and shaken up by the whole display.  
"Max? What was that about?"   
"I'm sorry I didn't tell you before," Max said quietly. "Maybe I should have." He hugged his father. "I'll call you later." He hugged his mother and gave her a peck on the cheek.  
"Is the poor girl okay?" Diane wondered, nodding in Liz's direction.   
"I hope so," Max whispered, not letting the fear take a hold of him. He was supposed to have stopped it before it went out of control, but it went out of control too quickly.  
Within thirty seconds, they were all out the door, the sound of starting cars in the driveway filling the empty house.

Before everyone was even out of the house, Max was carrying Liz up the stairs.  
"Max, I can walk," she protested, but her voice sounded strained and it really scared Max.  
"Should I call Dr. Stevens?" Max wondered, carefully putting her down on the bed.  
"There's nothing he can do," Liz said, turning to her side with her back towards him.   
"Baby," Max whispered as her sobs filled the air.  
He lay down next to her, spooning his body against hers.  
"They're right. They're right."  
"Everything they mentioned, we've already been discussing and knowing more than they know we reached the decision to have this child. They're scared of losing you. Just like I am. They'll come around. They love you too much not to."   
"I hate disappointing them. It was almost as if they were accusing me of becoming pregnant intentionally."  
"They weren't," Max tried to protest, even though he had gotten the same message. "They'll calm down and they'll come around."   
"I hope so. I can't live with them being angry with me. What if I die with them being angry with me?"  
To hear her mentioning her own death always chilled him to the core. "You're not going to die. We will be just fine. We'll read every 'Expecting Mother'-book there is and we'll make sure that everything we have control over and can make for the better we'll do. What you should eat, what you shouldn't, massage, meditation, yoga, lots and lots of sex-" she laughed "- we'll do it. We're going prove to the world that you can do it. You're strong, Liz. I've always known you're strong and if you have moments of doubt, I'll be by your side the whole way and I'll try to burden as much as possible."   
"What did I ever do to deserve you?" Liz whispered.  
"You were you."

TBC...


	46. Chapter 46

_I'm so sorry for the long wait, but I keep forgetting to update on this page (I normally update on a Roswell-specific site). So sorry! But at least you get a couple of chapters to read at once instead._

_Thank you for the feedback!_

**Chapter 46**

Slamming the closet door closed, the mass of frustration and nervous energy, formerly known as Isabel, pulled out her jewelry box and almost ripped the earrings out of her earlobes.   
Alex, who was watching from the doorway, inhaled deeply, "Honey?"   
No reply. His wife removed the pins from her hair in a systematic fashion, her movements shaking with the emotions of someone deeply upset.  
"We should talk about this," Alex tried.  
Her answer was spoken through lips tightly pulled together in an attempt of preventing her face from breaking apart. "I'm alright, Alex. I'm just tired."  
"We've been married for four years; don't even try to fool me."  
Isabel put the hairbrush down so violently that the sound of it hitting the mahogany surface echoed in the whole room. "He's an idiot. I actually never thought I would say it, but my brother's an idiot."  
"It's his life, Isabel. He can do whatever he wants."  
From where Alex was standing he could see how she tightened her lips even further and he waited patiently for the explosion that was sure to come.  
Isabel's voice was barely controlled; eerie in the absence of the accomplice of noise. "She has a heart problem. She will most likely die. I have barely agreed to him seeing her at all…and then what? He sniffs on her and she falls pregnant? For how long have they known each other? What about dating first? And they live together? For Christ's sake!"

Her rant was bouncing of the walls and Alex was not surprised when he felt a small hand slide into his. He gave the hand a consoling squeeze before interrupting his wife. Sifting through everything that Isabel had thrown in his direction, he addressed what was really making her upset. "I'm sure that Max knows the risks involved. Liz especially knows the-"  
"If Liz knows, how can she put herself in that situation? What about protection? Are they living in the Stone Age? It is fairly easy to protect yourself."  
"Daddy, why is mommy so angwy?"  
Isabel froze, directing her eyes downwards and realized for the first time that they were not alone. The surprise was quickly replaced by irritation.  
"Alex," her voice still barely controlled, "why didn't you tell me that Michelle was here?"  
"I was just about to. I think her mommy is scaring her."  
Isabel glared at him, before turning to look into the small crack left between the doorway and her husband's leg, where she could see the indistinct features of the eye and nose of her daughter.  
"Michelle, honey, go back to bed."  
"You woke me up," Michelle protested.  
"I know, baby, but I'm going to be quiet from now on."  
"I doesn't want to go bed alone."  
Isabel looked up and met Alex's eyes. He gave his wife a faint smile, bent down and picked up the small blonde. Her eyes were large and round, as awake as ever, when she pushed her thumb into her mouth, squeezing the toy rabbit dangling from the crook of her arm against her chest.  
"We'll continue this later," Alex said with a look that said a thousand words.

Isabel followed Alex and her daughter with her eyes as they walked out of the room and then heavily sank down on the bed. How could Max do this to her? Did he not know how much she was already worrying about him? Did he not know how many hours of sleep she had missed out on because she was busy thinking about how she should go about cheering him up the next day every day since he had lost Tess and Josh and the will to live? Now he wanted to go through it all again; he was doing it voluntarily. There was no way this story would end happily. The gods had not smiled on Max yet and would probably never do so. The odds were clearly all against him on this. Liz _could_ die because of her heart condition, but Isabel knew enough biology to know that Liz _would_ die if she continued this pregnancy. Max would not survive that. There was no way Max would survive that. He had almost disappeared completely when Tess and Josh died. It was too soon. He had barely returned and now Liz was going to get herself, their child, and most probably Max killed. She had to prevent it from happening. She had to.

---------------------------------------------

The phone had been ringing all night after that. None of the calls had been from someone congratulating Max and Liz on the pregnancy. All of them had been regretful, yet still insisting on that they were right about how they had reacted but still wondering how Liz was feeling. Each and every one of them had accepted Max's statement that Liz was asleep and that she shouldn't be disturbed. Everyone except Maria.   
"No, now you listen to me, Max," Maria said firmly, her voice oozing with barely restrained anger, "I _need_ to talk to Liz personally. I think she wants to talk to me too."  
"She needs her sleep," Max insisted. Both just as stubborn. They had been playing this game for almost five minutes.  
"Max," Maria warned. "Either you give the phone to Liz or I'll come over and bang on your door. How's that?"  
Max sighed. He didn't really want to have Maria here; she was more likely to kill someone here. "Okay."  
"Thank you," Maria said sarcastically.  
Max walked into the bedroom, where the moonlight was casting shadows over the sleeping body. He put the phone down on the pillow next to Liz and crawled up next to Liz.  
"Beautiful, you have a phone call," he said softly in her ear.  
"Mmmm," Liz mumbled. "Who is it?"  
"Maria."  
It sounded very much like Liz stopped breathing and then she turned to face Max, her eyes big and wide-awake. "Okay."  
Max reached out behind him, took the phone, placed a kiss on her lips, and handed the phone to her. When Liz put the phone to her ear, Max left the room to give her some privacy.

"Hey Maria," Liz said softly.  
"Liz, thank God. I was so worried. How are you feeling?"  
Liz didn't really know how she should react to the caring, comforting, soft voice at the other end of the line.  
"Uhm…a little tired."   
"I'm so sorry for reacting that way," Maria said. "I just… I was shocked. The thought that I would ever hear that you were pregnant never entered my mind. Kevin didn't want any children and I thought that after what happened to Max's family, Max wouldn't want any children either."  
"It wasn't planned," Liz said.  
"You forgot protection?" Maria gasped.  
"No. No, we used protection. It just didn't work."  
There was a couple of seconds of silence, before Maria said, "I still think it's a bad idea. You're risking your life here. I would say the same thing if you were about to swim across crocodile infested water."  
"I'm sorry, Maria. But Max and I have talked this through. Don't blame Max, he reacted just like all of you in the beginning and I think he still thinks to some degree that it's a bad idea."  
"I suspected it was you that was pushing this. I've seen the way you look at babies and how you are with Michelle. There's this longing in you."  
"I just never thought that it would be possible for me," Liz said.  
"Could you promise me one thing though?" Maria asked. "Could you think it through again? Please. I know that you probably been through it pretty thoroughly, knowing you, but you are putting a lot on the line here."   
"Okay, I'll do that."  
"Thank you. It's just… I would love for you to have a child. A beautiful combination of you two running around. But I don't want to lose you."  
"I know, Maria. I'm going to be as careful as possible."  
"Oh, I wish this wasn't happening," Maria said more to herself than to Liz and Liz felt a stab in her heart. She so desperately needed to hear someone say that they were happy for her, but that was probably not going to happen in a long time.  
Not knowing what else to say, Liz said quietly, "I'll talk to you later, Maria."

-------------------------------------------------------

She turned the shower knob and pulled the shower drapes to the side. She took a hold of a towel and moved it over her skin, removing the water droplets. Her reflection in the full size mirror caught her eye and her movements slowed down, her eyes focusing on her stomach.

_I know that you probably been through it pretty thoroughly, knowing you, but you are putting a lot on the line here_

Her hands moved over the flat surface, amazed that there could actually be life in there. That she was actually carrying another little person inside of her. How could she ever remove that life? It was as much part of her now as the transplanted heart beating in her chest. She was not really afraid of putting her life on the line; she had been living with death just one step behind her most of her life. What she was afraid of was that she might leave Max alone, and she wasn't sure he would be able to handle that. There was even the possibility that she would make it through the pregnancy and the delivery, but die afterwards, not only leaving Max behind but also a little baby. Could she really go through with this?

_This is not your decision. This is mine and Liz's. Mostly Liz's_

With Max's voice ringing in her memory, she took a deep breath, her hand coming to a stop on top of her stomach. It seemed as if Max was now more open to keeping the child. They had, after all, decided to keep it. But she was still not sure he was really convinced. What if he was just agreeing with her because he was afraid that it would upset her if he held onto the opinion that they should get an abortion? Everything was falling apart. This was supposed to be a happy time, but it had just turned into grief and loneliness. She had always had the support of her family and her friends in everything she had done. It was horribly cold without them. It was now that she needed them the most and they had abandoned her.

The difficult part was that she could not make herself be angry with them because she could understand their reaction. She could understand that they were afraid because, after all, this pregnancy could kill her and it was a danger that could be avoided. She just did not think that she could give up on this child, even if they would turn their backs on her during the entire gestation period. Things were finally looking up. Max and her were starting to work things out and Max was dealing really well with the grief of the death of his son and wife. Was this really the time to jeopardize it all?

Her hand spread over her flat stomach. 

_I would love for you to have a child. A beautiful combination of you two running around. But I don't want to lose you_

A tear slowly trickled down her cheek. What was she going to do?

-------------------------------------------------

He knew this place. He had been here before. Several times.  
"I need you to identify him."  
He turned his head and looked in the direction of the voice. But the face that met his gaze was blurry, lacking in specific features. He knew that he was shaking. He could feel himself going cold. His eyes flickered over the bare concrete walls and the ice seeped into his bones.

He didn't want the man to lift the sheet, but he knew with certainty that he would. He had done it before. He watched the man reach over the ice blue sheet, watched how the shadow of the man followed ominously, draping over the blue sheet. The man without a face grabbed the edge of the sheet and started to pull downwards and Max felt his heart plummet. His heart lost its grip on its surrounding muscles, dropping down to hit his diaphragm and preventing the air inside his lungs from being expelled. But the man did not care, did not see his distress. His hand was moving, dragging the sheet along with it.

Max was expecting the blond curls, the small head, the small fingers. But the hair was not blond and he could feel himself reaching behind him for support, only to be met with nothingness. Liz stared back at him, her eyes still open, but lifeless and covered in the opaque sheet of death. The man continued to pull the sheet back, exposing her naked chest, the long scar between her breasts and he could taste the bile in his mouth when he saw the protruding state of her stomach.

It was at this point that he forced himself out of the nightmare realm and re-entered the world of the living with a cry of anguish.

The real world was just as dark as his dream, the darkness creeping around him as his heart was thudding painfully against his ribs. His hand automatically reached out next to him, only to find the coldness of an empty sheet against his palm. His breath got caught in his throat and he slowly turned his head to look next to him only to have his fears confirmed. 

She was not there.

He took a deep breath, willing himself to calm down, knowing that he was being ridiculous. She had probably just gone to the toilet. But unable to push his feelings of impending danger away, he rose from the bed, his feet barely touching the cold wooden floor as his rapid steps lead him to the hallway. He stepped up to the bedroom door, seeing the light seeping through the cracks around the door. Stepping up to the door, he let his knuckles gently rap against the wood while he pressed his ear close to the door.

"Liz?"

The silence that answered made his heart beat that much faster as anguish took a hold of his heart. 

"Lizzie? You're in there?"

He tried to will himself to relax. Maybe she wasn't in there. Maybe she had forgotten to turn off the lights. Maybe she had fallen asleep on the toilet.

He tried the doorknob, noticing that it wasn't locked and slowly pushed the door open. His eyes traveled along the white tiles making up the floor, wanting to look further but at the same time fearing what he would see. He froze when his eyes landed on the still person on the floor.

Skin. Pale, almost white skin. 

He could feel the world crashing around him, dragging him down with it. With a sense of drowning, he fell to his knees next to her lifeless body. Her knees were curled up to her abdomen, her hand resting against the flatness of her stomach.

"No, Liz," his voice cracked as tears trembled down his cheeks. "Please don't, please don't." He feverously lifted her head, her arms dangling unresponsively at her sides as he desperately placed his ear next to her mouth, hoping to hear her breaths, longing to feel her warm living breath brush against his cheek. But there was nothing there. 

"NO!" he screamed. He looked down into her face. Her eyes were closed. You could almost take her for sleeping, if it wasn't for the lack of rising movement of her chest. "No no no no, don't leave me. Don't… Please, no… Liz… Come on, baby. Come on." 

Her limp upper body was shuddering with his trembling desperate movements. His lips were warm against her cold skin when he tried to kiss the life back into her. He knew she was gone. He knew it. Everything was telling him that she was dead. That her heart had given up on her. But he couldn't give up. Maybe it wasn't too late. Maybe, just maybe, it would be alright. Looking down into her peaceful face, he gently kissed her lips, his warm tears falling on her increasingly taut skin. "I love you."

Then he gently lowered her back down on the floor, brushed the majority of tears off his face with the back of his hand and with one last glance, he stood up and left the bathroom to find a phone and call 911.

TBC...


	47. Chapter 47

**Chapter 47**

"Max! Max! MAX!"

Her arms pulled him out of it, and his eyes shot open to look straight into her worried brown gaze. His breathing was erratic as he continued to stare at her, trying to understand what was happening.

"Max, are you okay? You were having a nightmare."  
"Oh my God," Max whispered, staring at her as if he was in trance.  
"Are you okay?" Her eyes turned a darker shade of concern and her grip on his biceps hardened slightly.  
"You were dead. You were dead," he whispered, his eyes panickedly scanning over her face.  
"I'm fine," Liz answered.  
"But I woke up. I woke up and you were not there. It wasn't a dream. Is this a dream?"  
"Max!" Liz said sharply, forcing his eyes to gain some focus when her voice cleared some of the fear that was still holding his heart in a death grip.  
He ripped the sheet to the side, revealing her bare legs, his fingers brushing over her skin.  
"Max, please," Liz whispered, his desperate actions scaring her.  
"You're not dead," he whispered again, the previous panicked state of his voice now replaced by questioning.  
"Max, I'm fine," Liz said, her voice firmer as she tried to snap him back to reality. The nightmare was still lingering in his mind to a degree that she could almost feel the swirls of unconsciousness brush against her fingers as her hands cradled his face.  
Despite her strong efforts in trying to make him focus his gaze on her face, his eyes were still moving over her body, as if he was looking for something.

His hands moved slowly over the thin silk that was covering her flat stomach. "The baby… You were pregnant."  
His eyes flickered to the doorway, his forehead creased in deep valleys from confusion and worry. "Josh… Joshua was here. He…"  
Liz watched his face as his eyes took on faraway expression and she could feel him slipping away from her.   
His breathing was becoming increasingly labored as more details of the dream flooded him. "No… he was… and I had to identify his body… But it was you. He was not there…" his eyes turned to her face and his eyes looked straight into her soul "…it was you. You were there instead."  
Fresh tears trickled down his already wet cheeks.  
She softly cradled his cheek, her thumb brushing some of the tears away. "Shh…it's okay now."  
But he didn't hear her. "You were dead, Liz. You were dead. And you were pregnant…"

Liz wasn't sure if she should remind him that she actually was pregnant, because for some reason Max was giving her the impression that he thought her pregnancy had been part of the dream as well and she didn't want to upset him further.   
"And then I woke up. I was sure that I woke up… I found you in the bathroom and you were on the floor. You weren't breathing. Oh God." He ran his fingers over her face, tracing the features, following every line. "This is a dream, isn't it? Either you are dead and this is a dream, or…"  
Liz took a firm grip of his chin and angled his eyes forcing him to look directly at her. "Max! Stop it!"  
His breathing was erratic as he stared at her, tears running silently down his cheeks.  
"You're awake and I'm fine. Nothing happened. You had a nightmare. Okay? It was just a nightmare. Now, snap out of it."  
He inhaled deeply, trembling, and the confusion interlaced with disbelief in his eyes told her that he still couldn't believe her. Whatever dream he'd had, it must have been very real to be so unwilling to loosen its grip on him. She took a hold of the hand that was still moving over her face and brought his fingers to her lips, kissing the tip of every finger slowly.  
"This is real, Max," she whispered. He was still staring at her, not letting himself blink in fear of her disappearing during that millisecond.

She moved his hand down to her chest, placing his hand above the swell of her breast, above her heart. "I'm right here." She leaned forward and softly touched his lips with hers, suspecting that his eyes were open the entire time, still watching her. She leaned back so that she could get eye contact with him, "And I'm not going anywhere."  
He looked at her in silence, while torture and horror blanched his face. Liz had to struggle not to break down with him, because the sight of him so broken reminded her of a Max that she thought had left a long time ago, a Max that had been lost in his own head, listening to the voice of his dead wife. The Max in front of her at the moment appeared lost, only now listening to the voice of his fear instead of Tess. His fear of losing her. It was the type of dark, bottomless fear that only someone who had already lost everything once could feel. Someone who knew the coldness and loneliness first hand.  
"Love me, Max," she said softly. She wanted him to feel her. Wanted him to realize that she was still there, that she was still alive.  
She didn't have to ask him again.

He crushed his lips against her with a desperation she had never felt before, the salty taste of his fear mixing with the familiar taste of him. He gathered her hair in his hands, pressing her lips harder against his, as they fell back against the pillows. His hands didn't stay in one position for longer than five seconds, his movements bordering on frantic in the exploration of her body. To her, it felt as if he was touching her everywhere at the same time. Her senses were heightened, her skin sensitized to the brink of electrified tingling. His heated kisses were scolding her skin, leaving her body aching for more. During some of those few seconds, Max had managed to remove his pajamas pants, causing both of them to groan as one as their naked legs came into contact with each other.

He kept looking at her though. She could feel his heated eyes on her, the quivering concern keeping track on her every move. She was aware of it, but she decided not to voice it. Something had really scared him and she had to let him take his time to work it through. Although, at the speed he was shedding his clothes as well as hers, Liz's apprehension increased. They didn't speak. Didn't utter one word. Only the sounds of their lovemaking filled the air, making the surroundings less dark.

He collapsed on top of her, his breathing harsh and shallow. She was staring up in the ceiling, her hand slowly running through his damp hair. His body was slightly trembling and she started to run her other hand up and down his back with a feathery lightness. They lay like that for a while, in silence, until their breathing had calmed down. When he spoke, his voice was so soft she almost missed it. "I'm sorry."  
She looked down at him, frowning in confusion. "For what?"  
He shifted, burying his head in the crook of her neck, reminding her of a boy trying to hide to avoid being scolded. "I was too rough."

He had been rough. Nevertheless, she had still felt his gentleness in every movement along the way, which is why she hadn't stopped him. But he had been desperate. As if joining with her would remove all the demons in his head, and he had been anxious to get there as soon as possible.  
"I'm so sorry," he whispered and he shifted making her arms tighten around him. She would not let him leave her right now.  
"Max, what really happened? In your dream?"  
There was silence for a couple of seconds and then he lifted his head. Without looking up at her, he slightly lifted his upper body and angled his head so that he could follow the travel his finger was making between her breasts with his eyes. He could feel the thickened texture of the white scar under his fingertip, a scar that created many conflicting emotions in him. Without saying a word, his hand continued down her stomach, lifting his body off hers more and more to unveil her flawless olive skin. He bent down and tenderly kissed her stomach, an act that made her chest tighten.

"Max?" she whispered.  
"I love you so much," he said softly, meeting her eyes for the first time since they had made love.  
"I love you too," Liz said gently, her eyes trained on his as he moved back up her body, her body reacting in the most sensual way when his skin brushed against hers. He came to a halt with his lips barely an inch from hers, their eyes connected and their bodies flush with each other as he put most of his weight on her. Liz could feel her heart rate increasing. It was as if the air around them was electrified, making the small hairs on her arms stand on end. His eyes were holding onto hers as he closed the miniscule distance between their lips and ever so softly tasted her. She was looking at him as their lips connected, refusing the reflex need to close her eyes at the sensation of his warm lips. She wanted to see him. She watched as his eyes turned darker and she could feel the pounding of his heart against her breast increasing its rhythm.

She didn't want to interrupt the sexual tension building up around them, but she needed to know. "Max." Pleasure produced small shivers under her skin when her lips brushed against his when she spoke. He was so close. She could feel the warmth from his breath against the skin of her heated lips. He pulled back slightly, leaving distance between them, but still they were within two inches of each other.  
"I have this reoccurring dream," Max said quietly. "It's… When… It's from a memory."  
Liz nodded, whispering, "Okay," when he stopped.  
He swallowed, his gaze flickering to something next to her face, something that only he could see. "I had to identify Josh's body… after the accident."  
Liz bit her lower lip in an attempt to lessen the pain prickling her heart at the anguish in his voice.  
"I've been having nightmares about that day…that event… since the accident. I go there to identify him and when they pull the sheet away, Josh's…Josh's eyes open."  
"Oh God," Liz whispered almost inaudibly.  
"Sometimes he asks me why I'm leaving him. Why I'm not taking him home?"  
She felt one of his tears drip on her collarbone, followed by another, which together made their way down along her scar.

"Tonight… it was different." He was looking at her again. He licked his lips as if it would give him the last strength he needed to speak, but she could see in his eyes that the dream was still vivid and still haunting him.  
"I thought that I would see Josh there, but when I pulled the sheet away… It was you, Liz. You were there and you were… Your eyes…" His voice cracked and her arms tightened around him. "You were dead. You were pretty far gone in your pregnancy…"   
She nodded slowly, understanding now why he had kept repeating that she was pregnant before.  
"Then I woke up."  
Liz relaxed, bending down and placing a kiss on his forehead.  
"But I didn't."  
Liz frowned. "What do you mean?"  
"I guess I must've dreamt that I woke up. I reached for you, but you were not there. So I went to look for you. I saw that the light was on in the bathroom so I went in there."  
Liz was looking at him in trepidation, his fear so poignant that she could feel it seeping through her skin.  
"I found you on the floor and you were not…you were not breathing. I went to call an ambulance and that's when you woke me up. Thank God you woke me up. I thought it was real." Tears welled up in his eyes. "I thought it was real. That I had lost you too."

That I had lost you _too_.

His voice echoed in her head and she took a deep breath, trying her best to gather her scattered emotions.  
"I'm not going anywhere," she said, repeating what she had said an hour earlier.  
His sad eyes looked up into hers, causing her heart to miss a beat. "You don't know that."  
She didn't have an answer for that. What was she supposed to say? "No, I don't. But I know this; it will take a lot to remove me from you." She brushed the remaining tears away from his cheeks. "Okay?"  
He nodded, his face still worried and his eyes still melancholic.  
"Okay," she repeated, feeling the tears sting her eyes. Guilt flooded her, feeling as if she had just lied to him.

TBC...


	48. Chapter 48

**Chapter 48**

_One week later_

"Hey man, how're you doin'?"  
Max just nodded at Michael, walking past him into the leaving room as Michael stepped to the side to let him in.  
Michael's eyebrows slightly lifted, forming an 'oh okay' expression.  
"Come inside, please," Michael murmured, closing the door behind Max.  
He turned around to see Max walking back and forth across the living room floor, running his hands through his hair.  
"So, what's up?" Michael asked lightly, his voice giving no indication of the turmoil Max's agitated behavior was igniting.  
"Can I talk to you about something?" Max asked, glancing quickly at Michael, while continuing his pacing.  
"Of course, man," Michael said and sat down on the armrest of one of the armchairs Maria had forced him to buy when she had gotten fed up with the fact that his only piece of furniture was a worn out couch. According to Maria, the couch smelled. Michael still didn't know what she meant.  
"Liz is pregnant," Max said.  
Michael smirked at him. "Eh, yeah. I was there. At dinner. When you and Liz told us, remember?"

"I mean… She can't be pregnant."  
Michael scratched his head and spoke slowly, "Riiight. But she is? Right?"  
"Yes, I just… I don't want her to be pregnant."  
Michael frowned, staring at his best friend. Max's pacing wasn't making it easier for him to think either. "Man, could you please stop wearing a hole in my carpet?"  
Max sighed and sank down on the old couch.   
Michael rubbed his forehead, feeling a headache coming on. "I thought that you and Liz had talked about this,"  
"We had," Max said.  
Michael looked at him, took in his washed out face, the four days old dark stubble on his chin and cheeks, and the dark shades under his eyes. Something had happened. "So what changed?"   
Max rubbed his tired eyes, a slight shiver coursing through his body. "I had a dream… no, I have been having several dreams. I can't help but think that they are trying to tell me something, that-"  
"Okay, Maxwell, I barely slept last night and I haven't eaten in six hours. You are really not making any sense at the moment."

Max directed his eyes up at the ceiling, emitting a sigh of exhaustion. "I keep dreaming that I find Liz dead. The first dream she was in the bathroom, the second dream was in the kitchen. Now they are starting to mix with my nightmares of Tess and instead of Tess dying in the car crash it's now Liz-"   
"Max, it's probably perfectly normal for you to be scared-"   
Max looked up at Michael, interrupting him, "It feels like it's more than that. I have this really bad feeling that this pregnancy is a bad thing."  
"You know better than I the risks involved in Liz's pregnancy," Michael said, "but something must have gotten you to support her before. What made you decide that she should go through with the pregnancy before?"  
"It was Liz," Max swallowed and Michael guessed this was where the dilemma was. "She wants this child so much. She never thought that she could get pregnant."  
Michael rubbed his forehead again. Didn't people know by now that he was really not the right person to talk about these serious things with? "What about you?"  
Max looked down at his feet, feeling the world weighing down on him even more than before. "I want the child too. I know that I still need more time to deal with Josh's death, but maybe this child would help me to start a new life…"  
"But now you don't feel like that anymore?" Michael enquired.

Max shook his head slowly, his eyes closed in anguish. "I don't know. I just feel that I don't care about the child if Liz might die. I can't sacrifice her for this child."  
"There are no guarantees of what will happen if she continues the pregnancy," Michael said, knowing enough about this topic than he ever thought thanks to Maria's worried ranting. "She might die, but she might live. The child might die, but the child might also live."  
Max let out a harsh, frustrated sigh, covering his head in his hands. "That's the thing. We don't know."  
"Have you talked to her?" Michael asked.  
Max voice was muffled in his hands when he finally replied after a couple of seconds of silence. "I don't want her to feel like I'm betraying her. I said that I would stand by her and support her decision, but now I just want to tell her to get an abortion." Max looked up and Michael's throat thickened at the anguish in Max's red eyes. "I can't tell her that. I can't tell her that I want her to remove our child. Our baby."  
Max's voice cracked and he leaned back in the couch, placing his head on the top of the back, staring up at the ceiling as he tried to reign in his feelings.  
It was at this point that Michael wished that Maria or Isabel was here. He had no idea what to say.  
"Uhm… You want a beer?"  
A snort, which was intended to be a laugh, was heard from Max. "Sure, thanks Mike."  
"Right," Michael mumbled to himself and disappeared into the kitchen, his mind fervently trying to figure out what to say to Max to help him out.

Max sighed again, his mind filled with thoughts of what had transpired the last couple of days. He had tried his best to hide it from Liz, but he was aware of that his appearance might be giving her clues to that something was not right. He hadn't been able to get himself to eat or even shave. He was continuously tormented by what to tell her. Because he knew that he had to talk to her eventually. None of them were sleeping very well, because he kept waking her up when the nightmares scared him out of his sleep, sometimes several times per night. He jumped out of his reverie when he felt the cold moist texture of the chilled glass beer bottle against his hand.  
"Thanks," he said, straightening up. There had never been a doubt in his mind to who he should talk to this about. Many might not consider Michael their first choice to discuss serious personal matters with but Max needed Michael's simple outlook on life. Michael didn't get worked up or took it personally. He saw things for what they were. That was something which differentiated Michael from Max, and Max had realized a long time ago that he needed Michael to counterbalance his tendency to feel strongly about most things with Michael's tendency to take everything lightly.

"You should talk to her, she has the right to know that you are feeling this way," Michael said after a long silence interrupted merely by the soft sounds of beer being swallowed, had transpired.  
"I know," Max said quietly. He wanted to ask Michael what he thought. If he thought that Liz should keep the child or not, but he already knew that there was no use asking him. Michael wouldn't give his opinion on a thing like that, because he didn't think he had a say in it. Max knew that it wouldn't help him to ask Michael either, because Max was the one that had to make the choice in the end.  
"How is Liz feeling?" Michael asked.  
"She wants to keep the bab-"  
Michael waved his reply away. "I don't mean that. How is she doing? Is everything okay?"  
Max was surprised that Michael would ask such a question, but recuperated fairly quickly. "She hasn't really mentioned anything. She says that she is a bit lightheaded, but that's normal for pregnancy. Tess had the same thing."  
"Right," Michael nodded. "I was just thinking… If there was any indication that the pregnancy is hurting her in any way it might, you know, make it easier for you to reach a decision."  
Michael looked fairly uncomfortable, as if he had just voiced something that he was not allowed to, but Max stilled his worries. "I know what you mean. But no, she hasn't told me anything…" His voice trailed off as a thought occurred to him. What if she had been feeling bad, but had avoided to tell him, afraid that it would give him a reason to tell her to terminate the pregnancy.  
"I'm sure it's nothing then," Michael said casually, suspecting where Max's thoughts had gone.  
"Yeah, yeah," Max agreed absent-mindedly and then stood up quickly. "Thanks, Michael."  
"Uhm… you're welcome," Michael replied, feeling that he had not really said anything helpful at all. Before he knew what had happened, Michael was staring at the closed front door through which Max had disappeared.

--------------------------------------------

"I still can't believe you are pregnant," Maria said over Liz's shoulder.  
Liz jumped slightly in surprise at her voice and dropped the small sized sweater she was holding. She thought that Maria would spend more time in the jewelry section and hadn't been prepared to be caught.  
"I thought I would find you here," Maria continued when Liz turned around to face her.  
"I know it's stupid. I'm barely one month into the pregnancy and I'm already looking at baby clothes," Liz said weakly, a blush of embarrassment coloring her cheeks.  
Maria smiled at her. "It's not stupid. It's called 'making plans for the future'."  
Liz returned her smile.  
"So, how are things? How are you feeling?" Maria asked as they started walking through the rows of baby articles, Liz trying her best to pretend to not look at all of the miniscule clothes.  
"I'm fine. My morning sickness is not that bad anymore."  
"That's great. What about Max?"  
"No, Max never had any morning sickness," Liz said absent-mindedly as she touched a pair of miniature sneakers. Maria's laughter brought her out of her dream world.  
"Well, that's good. 'Cause I was a bit worried about that for a while."  
Liz laughed softly, realizing what she had just said. "Sorry, I haven't been sleeping that well."  
Maria frowned. "Why not?"  
"Max has been having nightmares," Liz answered, picking up a small pink cap.   
"Nightmares? About what? Tess?"  
"No, me," Liz said, and Maria wasn't surprised to hear a tinge of guilt in Liz's voice. Typical of Liz to be guilty about someone else having nightmares about her.

"What happens?"  
"I die," Liz answers, swallowing back the emotions elicited by the memories of Max's anguished screams in the middle of the night. She had desperately needed to get out of the house today. Max's worn down appearance was starting to really worry her and she needed to put her feelings on hold for a couple of hours to regain her powers.  
"Oh," Maria said quietly.  
"Yeah." Suddenly Liz didn't feel that much like walking around in the baby section anymore and walked over to the make up section. Maria followed her, trying her best to still her inquisitive mind. But she could try all she might; she knew that she would lose eventually.  
"How do you die?"  
Liz glanced at Maria over her shoulder, swallowed back the anxiety, while running her fingers over a pearl necklace. "It's the pregnancy. My heart gives up because of the pregnancy."  
Maria nodded. Of course. "Is he really okay with all of this? I know that you said that he was against it in the beginning but that he came around and decided to be on your side."  
Liz frowned. "Yeah, of course he's on my side. Otherwise I don't really know if I could still go through with this. I don't think I would be able to do this alone." And I need to know that he is going to be there if something happens to me, to take care of the child, she added silently in her head.  
"Right," Maria said. "Just wondering."  
"Yeah," Liz said lightly, forcing the image of Max's haggard face to the back of her mind. Was there something Max wasn't telling her? She had thought that his increasing moments of silence and him barely eating was due to the nightmares alone. Was there something else that was tormenting him?  
Maria interrupted her train of thought. "Could you help me find a present for Michael?"  
"It's his birthday?" Liz wondered, trying to shake her thoughts off her.  
"Yep… and he keeps saying that he doesn't want anything, but I want to give him something. What would you give him?"  
Liz stared at her. She was kidding, right? "Uhm… an action figure?"  
Maria rolled her eyes. "Haha, very funn- hang on, that's not such a bad idea."   
Liz laughed. Spending time with Maria never lost its novelty.

--------------------------------------------

His arms sliding around her waist made her sigh. Before her sigh would've been filled with feelings of contentment and love, but her conversation with Maria had planted doubts and insecurities in her mind instead.  
"Hey," he murmured, softly pressing his warm lips against the skin of her neck.   
"Hi," she answered, her hands not halting for one second in their movements of chopping the cucumber into rectangular pieces.   
"Did you have fun?" Max asked softly, almost huskily. Liz's eyes closed without her being able to control it when his lips traveled further up her neck and his hands forced her closer to the hardness of his chest.  
"Uh-huh," she answered, unconsciously licking her lips, all of the sudden feeling very warm.  
His hands slowly left her waist, not losing contact with her body for one second as he moved them out towards her bare arms. Her head fell slightly backwards and her breath hitched in her throat as he stroked her arms languidly, running his fingers down her arms to her fingers, lacing them together.  
"Good to see Maria again?" Max continued, his lips gently caressing the skin along her shoulder blade, where her shirt had fallen down. His fingers squeezed hers, making her breathing quicken. She should stop this. She really shouldn't allow herself to be seduced. She needed to talk to him. He loosened his grip on her fingers and started to slide his hands up her arms again, leaving a trail of goosebumps in their wake. His mouth moved upwards, nibbling her earlobe as his fingers stroke the bare skin between her shirt and the lining of her skirt.  
"Yes," she partly whispered, partly moaned in response to his question. "Did you…get the sour…sour cream?"

Max's hands wandered upwards, bringing the shirt along with them, causing her to lean further into him when a sudden weakness attacked her legs. "Uh-huh, sour cream…" His fingers encountered the lace of her bra, "…all taken care of."  
"Max?" Jesus, where is your self-control, girl? Before he had time to answer, she turned around in his arms, trying to will her determination to put a stop to this. But she barely had time to turn the full 180 degrees until he had captured her lips with his. Without knowing exactly how it happened, she found herself sitting on the counter, her back pressed up against the microwave, his hands in her hair, his lips ravaging hers.  
"Max," she moaned into his mouth, the hands she had moved in his direction to stop him ignored her instructions and instead cradled the back of his head to bring him even closer. He hadn't kissed her like this in a long time. With complete and utter abandon. She could feel his stubble move roughly against her cheeks and chin, which only served to heighten the sensations.  
"Max, the food…" she tried, when he moved to kiss her neck, causing her back to arch. He was so close. He was so warm. She was so warm. She could feel his strength between her thighs as he stepped even closer in between her knees.   
"I know," he murmured.  
"Okay," she groaned, using the heels of her feet to push him even closer, causing him to moan her name against her ear. She wasn't really aware of at what point he removed her shirt or when he decided to lift her up from the counter, crashing their lower bodies together, leaving them aching for more, and placing her on the wooden kitchen table. He stopped, looking down at her laying on the hard surface, her former pony tail unrecognizable with tresses framing her flushed cheeks, her lips red and swollen.  
"Beautiful. Absolutely beautiful."

She thanked him by taking a hold of the collar of his shirt and pulling his upper body down on top of her. Next, she took a grip of the hem of his shirt, pushing it upwards, exposing surface and more surface of bronze skin. She threw the shirt to the side, not really caring where it landed as her hands slid over the skin of his back, feeling the muscles ripple under her touch. His mouth adored hers in every way possible; his tongue tasting every millimeter of her while making her tremble underneath him. She frowned as strong smell itched her nose.  
"Max…"  
"Mmm," Max mumbled, working himself down her body.  
Burnt. Something smelled burnt. Liz pushed on Max, her mind suddenly very clear.  
"Max, something is burning!"   
"What?" Max asked, coming to a halt.  
As Max moved slightly to the side, Liz got a peak of flames behind Max. "Oh my God…"  
Max whipped his head around. "Shit!"  
He crawled off her and quickly opened the door to the storage room, ripping out a fire extinguisher. Before Liz had time to scramble off the table, the fire caused by the shirt Liz had accidentally thrown on the stove was extinguished, just in time for the smoke to set off the fire alarm.  
"Shit!" Max repeated and with Liz's help they opened the front door and most of the windows in the kitchen.

When the smoke finally cleared and the fire alarm stopped, Liz started laughing. Max looked at her incredulously. She was now leaning over, gasping for air, tears of laughter joyfully escaping her eyes.  
He smiled, a crushing feeling of love tightening his chest. The intense feeling of love was accompanied by sadness and fear. What would he do if anything ever happened to her?  
"God, look at us," Liz got out between the fits of laughter. Max laughed softly, taking in her ravaged appearance, topped off with the lack of shirt and the ripped pantyhose that he had obviously somehow torn. He glanced down at himself, at the soot that was now covering his naked chest.  
"Next time we do this, watch were you throw that shirt, Parker," Max said.  
She straightened, amused disbelief marking her features. "Oh no, there won't _be_ a next time, Evans."  
His face dropped slightly, causing another laugh to slip out of her. "_In the kitchen_. No next time in the kitchen."  
He quickly recuperated, trying to pretend that he hadn't for a second there thought that she had told him that they would never have sex again. "But what's the fun in that?"

She stepped up to him, close enough to only be separated by the warmth being emitted from their bodies, and ran her fingers down his chest, letting her nails scrap against his skin. Her eyes fixed on his she watched his eyes turn darker and his gaze hungrily travel to her lips. She rose on her toes and wetted her lips. Slowly, making sure he watched every movement.  
"You and I, Max," she whispered huskily, causing his head to automatically lean closer to her, "should see if there is anything left that we can use for dinner."  
His muffled head merely registered the small smile on her lips before she was gone, but his hand snaked out, his fingers encircling her wrist. She turned her head towards him in surprise, looking down at where his hand was grabbing her wrist before looking up at him. A chill of anticipation and arousal coursed through her when she looked up into his black eyes, feeling the tight grip on her arm.  
"We'll continue this later," Max said in a low voice, "Okay?"  
She nodded slowly, transfixed by the sexual magnetism surrounding him. "Okay." 

TBC...


	49. Chapter 49

**Chapter 49**

_Two weeks later_

"I have an appointment with the doctor tomorrow," Liz mentioned softly.  
Max looked up at her, fear flashing over his face. "Is something wrong?"  
Liz smiled warmly at him, knowing that he had thought she had been referring to the cardiologist. "It's with the obstetrician."  
Max relaxed, but Liz was surprised to still see worry on his face. Pretending like she had not just caught him off guard, Liz continued, "Do you want to come?"  
Max reached over the table and entwined his fingers with hers. "Of course."  
Liz was observing him closely. He was acting like he had done something wrong, guiltily averting his eyes, trying to smooth it over with soft touches.  
"When is it?" Max asked, casually picking up his glass of wine with his free hand and bringing it to his lips.  
Liz followed his every move. She wanted to ask him what was wrong, but at the same time she was afraid that his answer would confirm what she feared the most. That he had changed his mind. That he didn't want her to have the baby anymore. She was afraid because she knew that she had gotten pretty good at reading him and Max pretty much wore his heart on his sleeve. She was afraid because she had held him throughout the nights and knew how the nightmares scared him. _The nightmares of her dying as a result of her pregnancy._ Why would he _not_ want her to terminate her pregnancy?

But maybe, as long as the subject wasn't breached, she could pretend that her pregnancy was really not the reason to him acting strange. She could pretend that she couldn't read him and that she was just being paranoid. Still, she wanted them to have the conversation. She wanted him to speak to her, to tell her what was bothering him so that they could deal with it together. She had promised herself that she would be as honest with him as possible. Her thumb was absent-mindedly stroking his thumb, when she answered his question. "Ten a.m."   
"Okay," Max said, smiling at her weakly.  
Liz took a deep breath. She was itching to talk to him. She wanted to confront him on this. There was a chance that she could convince him that they were fine. That the baby was fine and that she was fine. There was a big chance that she wouldn't be able to argue with him though, because they were both aware of the risks involved in her pregnancy.

Taking another look at him, she made up her mind. She would wait to talk to him until after they had been at the hospital tomorrow.

-----------------------------------------------------

"Elizabeth," Dr. Reynolds said, shaking Liz's hand, "nice to see you again."   
Liz smiled. "Dr. Reynolds, this is Max Evans."  
Max shook Dr. Reynolds hand firmly. "Hi."  
"Ah, the father I presume," Dr. Reynolds smiled.  
Liz nodded, pure adoration in her eyes as she looked up at Max. She blushed and averted her eyes when he looked down at her.  
"Yes, that's me," Max said, a chill he couldn't quite identify the origin of running through him.  
Dr. Reynolds patted the examination table behind him. "Elizabeth, jump up on the bed and we will take a look."  
Max swallowed. He was surprised that he was so nervous. He had done this before, with Tess. Back then he had been so happy. Becoming a dad had been one of his most wanted dreams coming true. He could still remember the feelings of anticipation and excitement. That first appointment with Tess was forever imprinted in his mind as one of the happiest days of his life.  
"Max?"  
Her tentative touch pushed him out of his memories and he focused on her. He swallowed. Her dark, large eyes glistering with nervousness and concern were trained on his face, begging him to not abandon her right now. Her expression squeezed his heart. Biting back the tears, he swallowed again and softly cradled her face in his hands. "You are so beautiful." He meant every word with an honesty that could not be truly translated into simple words.

A fresh tint of red crept up her cheeks, her almost timid smile making her eyes shine with internal glow. It made Max's heart beat that much faster and he could literally feel himself falling for her even harder, which merely served to frighten him. He loved her so much. He couldn't lose her. Forgetting where he was, the world blurring out around him, he bent down and tenderly kissed her lips.  
"I love you so much," he whispered against her lips, words reserved for her ears.

Dr. Reynolds watched the couple with a mixture of fascination and amazement. There was something about how the man treated Miss Parker that touched him. It made him think of when his wife used to watch old romantic movies from the 50's and be moved to tears. He had asked her why it was that women cried when a man was a real softie to a woman. Her reply was always; 'Simon, there is so much evil in the world that when a man shows such tenderness towards a woman, as if he would sacrifice his life to save her, it is one of the most beautiful things. It moves me.' He had never been the man that would cry when watching movies. To be honest, he did not cry very easily at all. But for some reason, the scene in front of him almost made him tear up. Maybe he shouldn't tell his wife about this. She would be so pleased to hear that something finally had made him teary. Much too pleased. 

Suspecting that he had ceased to exist in their world, Dr. Reynolds pointedly cleared his throat. Hearing the doctor's subtle interruption, Liz gently stroke Max's cheek. "It will be fine. Everything is okay."  
Max nodded, not hearing anything but Liz. Liz gave him a smile of encouragement, before looking up at the doctor, giving him the green light in the form of a nod.  
"Okay," Dr. Reynolds spoke up, pulling the ultrasound machine up to the bed, forcing Max to move away from the close proximity with Liz. His hold on her hand tightened.  
"Let's see how we are doing," Dr. Reynolds continued, exposing Liz's stomach and fetching a plastic bottle behind him. "This will just feel a bit cold, Elizabeth."   
Liz nodded with a look of anticipation on her face. Gel was squirted on her stomach and Dr. Reynolds pressed the apparatus against her stomach, eliciting a picture on the screen. Max felt a tremor go through him and the squeeze he received from Liz told him that she had felt it too. He could see it. It was not bigger than a peanut, but it was there. Their baby. _Their baby_. He had studied the first ultrasound pictures of Joshua enough to know exactly what it looked like. He watched as Dr. Reynolds pointed out the embryo, feeling the world turn silent around him, his eyes transfixed on the black shape on the ultrasound. He didn't hear Liz's laugh of surprise over the smallness of the baby and he missed the smile lightening up her face.

It was not until Liz swung her legs over the edge of the bed, minutes after the ultrasound machine had been moved to the side and Liz's stomach had been wiped clean, that Max returned to reality.  
"Max, is everything okay?" Liz wondered and the tears he had been holding back during the examination threatened to escape his eyes when he saw the worry on her face.  
"We made a baby, Liz," Max said softly.  
Liz smiled, the concern replaced by radiating happiness. "Yes, Max. We did."  
"I can't believe we made a baby," Max said, kissing her forehead.  
Liz wrapped her arms around him and pulled him close. "I know that you are afraid, Max. But please don't give up on this baby."  
Her quiet plea in his ear made his heartstrings tighten. Why couldn't this be easy?

---------------------------------------

It was with a sinking heart that Liz walked down the hallway towards where she knew she would find Max. Joshua's room. It was never a good sign to find him there. Usually he didn't go there, as if he didn't want to disturb the presence of Joshua that might still be lingering. It was when he had a lot on his mind and when he was shaken up that he went there. Considering the concern and distance she had felt from Max the last couple of days it was with fear infecting her body that she opened the door.

He was sitting on the floor, a blue teddy bear in his arms. Without looking in her direction, he voiced softly, "Hey."  
She walked up to him, her concerned presence enveloping him as she brushed around him and sat down next to him. "Hey."  
There was a long silence before Max broke it, "Sometimes I tell myself that I can still feel his presence in here."  
Liz looked at him, squeezing his hand tighter. "Josh will always be a part of you, Max. No one can ever take him away from you."  
Max looked down at the teddy bear and slowly shook his head. "No, that's not what I mean. I know that he will always be there, in my mind, but sometimes I told myself that I could actually _feel_ him in this room. It was so strong that I could almost see him run around and play hide and seek…" Max shook his head again, a bittersweet smile forming on his lips as his eyes stared off into a world that had been, "He always wanted to play hide and seek. He never grew tired at it. When he couldn't play it with Tess or me, he played it with this teddy bear." He looked down at the teddy bear again, unconsciously squeezing it closer to his chest. 

She looked at him, her eyes tracing over his features, recording every flicker of emotions transpiring, without knowing what to say. Feeling that there wasn't anything she could say in this situation. No words were needed. So they just sat there. Max with a faraway expression on his face and Liz clinging to his hand to prevent him from going to far into the past.  
"I think we should move."  
Liz frowned, looking at him in bewilderment. "What?"   
Max met her eyes and repeated, "I think we should move."  
"As in move to another house?" Liz asked.  
Max nodded slowly, an unreadable expression on his face. "There's nothing left for me here. This house," he paused and looked around the room, "This house is haunting me. There are too many memories. I can't move on."  
"Max…" Liz said slowly, softly. She could sense the anguish of making one of the hardest decisions of his life radiating off of him in waves.

"This is not your home, Liz. There are too many rooms where you feel that you are not allowed to go. You moved in here… I want us to move in somewhere else – together – and start our own life."  
She couldn't help it but a smile began to form on her lips. A smile of relief and tentative happiness.   
"Max, are you serious?" she asked, not completely daring to be hopeful.  
Max turned more fully towards her and took a hold of her other hand. "I'm serious," his eyes held her soul in captive anticipation. "I've been thinking about it for a while now and I really need to put physical distance between my memories and me. I need to let go and I think I can only do that if I'm somewhere new. With you."  
She smiled and slowly leaned into him, gently kissing his lips. "I would love to move. But only if you are absolutely sure. I don't want you to feel forced to do this."  
"I want to do this," Max emphasized. "I _need_ to do this."  
Liz nodded. "Okay."

-----------------------------------------

_Three weeks later_

"What about this one?" Liz asked around a mouthful of ice cream, pointing at a small brick house in the catalogue in front of her with the back of her spoon.  
"Liz, you need to get ready," came the reply from behind her.  
"I'm ready," Liz said, grabbing the tub of ice cream to take another scoop. But before she had the chance to do so the tub was pulled out of her grip and with a pout she looked up at the man who had appeared in front of her. She put the spoon back in her mouth, trying to catch any remaining ice cream, while her eyes wandered up his black pressed pants and the white shirt which was still to be button up. Smiling around the spoon, she jumped up and took a hold of his shirt.  
"Are you telling me that you are going to go to dinner in my worn out T-shirt and twenty year old soft pants?"  
"Hey!" Liz burst out, the scold distorted by the spoon that was still in her mouth. "The pants are only two years old and I happen to like this T-shirt." Her small fingers moved with a feathery touch along his bare warm chest as she buttoned every button with a twinge of regret. Something so gorgeous should not be hidden behind a shirt. "Besides, it's just Isabel."  
Max reached down and pulled the spoon out of her mouth, putting that pout on her lips again. Looking up at him, she shrugged, "What's the big deal anyway? It's just Isabel."   
"No," Max said firmly. "It's not _just Isabel_. This is Isabel's birthday party."

"But… It's only going to be me, you, Michael, Alex, Michelle and Maria there… and your parents. We all know each other already. I'm sure they won't mind that I'm not dressed up."  
She finished the last button on his shirt and before she could lower her arms he took a hold of her wrists. "I don't think you fully understand what I'm talking about." His voice was dead serious, which elicited a laugh from her.  
She frowned at him in disbelief. "Are you serious? It's _that_ much of a deal?"  
Max nodded slowly, his features grave. "It is _that_ much of a deal."  
Rolling her eyes, Liz reached for the tub that makes had placed on the TV table behind him. "Okay, I guess I should-" her voice came to a halt when Max grabbed the tub before she could. "Max! Give it to me."  
"You shouldn't eat ice cream before dinner either," Max scolded her, looking at her like she was a five-year-old, "It will spoil your appetite."  
"No," It was now Liz's turn to be serious, "Believe me. _Nothing_ can spoil my appetite."  
"And Isabel knows that, so she's expecting you to eat _a lot_. If you don't, she will most likely get offended."

Liz sighed in resignation. "Fine, just rob me of what I love the most."   
"Tough love," Max said casually, and took the spoon he had taken from her, dug a scoop out of the tub and put it in his mouth. "Mmm… cookies and cream."  
Liz's eyes narrowed. "You are so pushing it."  
Max smiled at her sweetly. "I'm dressed. Now I have a lot of time waiting for you to get ready. Hmm…." He looked down at her, his smile growing as he started forming another scoop in the tub. "I wonder what I should do with all that spare time."  
Not knowing the territorial instinct Liz had developed about ice cream over the last week, Max was completely taken off guard when the tub was ripped from his hands. He couldn't help but smile when Liz ran off, giggling, with the tub in her hands. He shook his head. She was so not going to win this one.

-------------------------------------------

There was a gentle knock on the bathroom door and she slowly leaned away from the toilet bowl, the acid burning her taste buds.  
"Honey, are you okay?"  
She grabbed a hold of the toilet roll and ripped off a large piece, wiping her mouth.  
"Just nauseous," she answered.  
"Do you want us to cancel?" the voice asked.  
She shook her head, even though he couldn't see her. No, nothing was getting in the way of this party.  
"It's too late to cancel now, Alex," she answered.  
She slowly stood up and walked over to the sink. Looking up at her reflection, she put some tresses of hair back in the right place and grabbed a glass and put it under the tap. Looking back up at her reflection, she put the glass to her red-painted lips and let the water roll into her mouth and with movement she tried to remove the taste. Spitting the water out, she repeated the procedure five times before grabbing a lipstick and touched up her make up.  
When she opened the door, she gave a start, not anticipating Alex to still be standing there.  
"Are you sure?" he wondered, worried.  
"Alex," she said firmly, and letting him see the determination in her eyes. "We've done this before. It's just morning sickness. I'll be fine."  
He nodded. "I know. I just don't want you to wear yourself out. You know how much energy you put into these party preparations."  
"I'm fine, Alex," Isabel repeated and brushed past him. "Is the chicken done yet?"  
Alex sighed in resignation and turned around to follow Isabel, who had already covered a large distance with her hurried steps. "Yes, honey. I took it out a couple of minutes ago."

----------------------------------------------

"I taaake iit!"  
Liz smiled at Max when Michelle's voice drifted through the closed front door. He matched her smile, once again moved by how stunning she looked. It was not the make up (she hardly wore any anyway), or the dark green dress that gave her an aura of otherworldly beauty, or the smile that could thaw even the most stubborn ice. She was glowing. He could literally see the happiness radiating off her and it made him squeeze her hand a little tighter.   
The door opened and before he knew what hit him, Max was slightly pushed off balance by the small blonde fervently hugging his knees. He laughed and picked her up.  
"Hey rascal," he said and lovingly ruffled her hair, knowing that it would upset both Michelle and Isabel.  
"Uuuncle Maaax," Michelle cried.  
Grinning, he kissed her forehead lovingly. "Love you too."  
"Max, how about you leave my daughter's hair alone? For once?"  
Max shifted Michelle over to his hip so that he could see his big sister. "What can I say? I love her hair."

"But you messing it ub!" Michelle said looking at him with a pout very similar to the one he had seen on Liz's face two hours earlier when he had removed the ice cream from her. With his free hand, he enveloped Isabel's waist and pulled her close, placing a kiss on her cheek.  
"Happy birthday, sis," he whispered in her ear.  
She couldn't help but smile. "Thank you."  
"Happy birthday, Isabel," Liz said.  
Max looked between Isabel and Liz, knowing that things were still strained between them since Isabel had been very vocal about the need for Liz to terminate her pregnancy. To Max's – and Liz's – surprise, Isabel stepped up to Liz and gave her a hug.  
"Thank you, Liz. I'm glad you could come."  
Stepping away, leaving a baffled Liz in her wake, Isabel looked up at Max preparing to scold him.  
"Why are you so late anyway? I said 7 not 8.30."  
Max rolled his eyes at her. "Do you want your present or not?"   
Isabel sighed, deciding that she could let her brother get away with his lack of punctuality. This time.

-----------------------------------------------------

Michelle had been staring at Liz's stomach inquisitively for about ten minutes, something that Liz was very aware of but was trying her best to ignore. If Michelle wanted to know something, she would probably ask sooner or later anyway.  
"…but come on, Spiderman?"  
Liz joined in with the laughter at Michael's last comment about the birthday present Maria had given him.  
"I mean, she could at least have given me Batman. Batman is so much cooler-"  
"Is there a baby in there?"  
Liz looked down at Michelle, the conversation of the adults at the dining table fading into the background.  
"Yes, Shelly."  
"My mom says that I was in her belly once too," Michelle explained.  
Liz nodded. "Uh-huh."   
"How do you get in there?"  
Liz bit her lip to prevent the smile from forming. "The baby is actually…uhm… built in there." She sighed at her own lack of ability to explain, but her attention was quickly captured by the innocence in Michelle's ever growing eyes.  
"Like lego?"  
Liz laughed softly. "Something like that."  
"And when you have finished bwelding, the baby comes out?"  
Liz nodded, "Exactly."  
Forehead furrowed deep in thought, Michelle put a finger in her mouth and absent-mindedly started chewing on it. "Are you bwelding a girl or a bwoy?"  
"I don't know."

Michelle looked up at her and Liz could practically see her brain working hard. "But… if _you_ are bwelding, why doesn't you know?"  
Liz looked out over the table for help, but realized that the low conversation between her and the three-year-old was only between them. Without knowing it, Liz twisted the ring around her pinkie. "It's kinda like… My body is building the baby, without me knowing. It's like… Well, my body wants to surprise me and doesn't want me to know what it is doing."  
God, she absolutely truly sucked at this. But after confusion had narrowed Michelle's eyes for a couple of seconds, her face lit up in the most radiant smile. "Ohh… okay. So you are gwetting a pesent?"  
Liz replied to her smile with a smile of her own. "Yes, a present. We are getting a present."  
Michelle nodded, satisfied with the information, and then looked up at her tentatively. "Liz?"  
"Yes, sweetheart?"  
"Can me pway with the baby when it is finished?"  
Liz felt warmth spread throughout her body. "Of course, sweetie." Feeling his eyes, she looked up and saw Max smiling at her across the table. His smile made her grow still. The last couple of weeks, she'd had the feeling that Max didn't want her to have the baby. That he was afraid that she would die. They had yet to speak about it, but to her it was no mystery; she could read him like an open book. But there was something in that smile that told her that he had started to accept the pregnancy. That he actually wanted the pregnancy now. She felt a heavy stone being lifted from her chest, but her smile froze halfway through when she felt a tightening in her lower abdomen. Perplexed, she looked down as if there would be any outwards signs to tell her what that had been.

She looked up again, to look at Max, but found him leaning towards Maria as she explained something with grand hand gestures. Liz couldn't hear them. All noises were tuned out around her and she could hear her breathing very loudly in her ears. She waited with fear for the sensation in her abdomen to come back, but it didn't and the rational part of her mind started telling her that it had been her intestines. Gas or something. Nothing was wrong with the baby. Nothing _could_ be wrong with the baby.

------------------------------------

"Max, could I talk to you?"  
Max looked up at his sister, who had appeared next to him. Seeing the nervous seriousness on her face, he rose from the chair. "Sure."   
Following Isabel into the kitchen, Max felt a falling feeling at the pit of his stomach. He couldn't help but wonder that something was wrong. At entering the kitchen, Isabel started to dish out the dessert into small plates. Max looked on in silence, waiting for her to speak. When she didn't, he enquired softly, "Isabel, what did you want to talk to me about?"  
"Uhm…" Isabel said and if Max wasn't mistaking her voice had a slight tremble to it. "Uhm… Considering the circumstances, I thought that I should tell you…"   
Max's chest tightened when she grew silent again. "Tell me what, Isabel?"  
Following Isabel's gaze, he found the reason to her silence.

Liz was standing in the doorway, her facial expression hidden in the shadows.  
"Liz, I need to talk to Isabel for a sec," Max said, when Liz didn't move. There was something different about her, something that unnerved him. But he brushed it off, knowing that Isabel needed to speak to him about something.  
"Max," Liz whispered.  
"Something's wrong, Max," Isabel said in a low voice behind him.  
Walking closer to Liz, feeling the room closing in on him with every approaching step, Max was met with Liz's face. And her expression of utter fear.   
"What is it, Liz?"  
A tear fell down her cheek and her bottom lip was trembling with restrained crying as she answered, "I'm bleeding."

TBC...


	50. Chapter 50

**Chapter 50**

Max watched the tear run down Liz's cheek, her voice echoing in his head.

_I'm bleeding_

"You what?" Max's voice barely rasped out, his throat tightening.  
"Oh my God," Isabel whispered behind him.  
Liz broke down in front of him, her sobs violently shaking her small frame. Without being completely aware of the physical reality, Max took a hold of Liz and pulled her close, grabbing onto her as if he could redo whatever was happening by holding her tighter.  
"You have to get her to the hospital, Max," Isabel voiced and then she put sound to his frightening thoughts. "She might be losing the baby."  
Without a word, Max loosened his grip on Liz, only to bend down, hook an arm at the back of her knees and lift her off the ground. She wrapped her arms tightly around his neck, her tears quickly wetting the collar of his shirt.  
"Should I call an ambulance?" Isabel asked.  
Max shook his head. The hospital was close and by the time the ambulance had made its way here, he could have gotten her to the hospital on his own.  
"I'll take her."  
"What's wrong?"  
Max hardly noticed Maria's presence as he walked briskly through the living room, with Liz cradled in his arms. The sound of rushing of blood in his ears drowned out the explanation Isabel gave to Maria and the tears forming in his eyes made him miss the fear on Maria's face as she caught up with them at the front door.  
"I'm coming with you," Maria said and suspecting that Max hadn't heard her, she put more force and determination in her voice and repeated, "I'm coming with you."  
"Okay," Max said quietly, feeling like the past was catching up with him. Quickly.

--------------------------------------

The physician removed the speculum she had used to examine Liz and straightened up. She looked at the young couple; the worry on the man's face and the woman's red fearful eyes. For their sake, she was relieved that she had some kind of positive news.  
"Well, Miss Parker, your cervix is not open, which is a really good sign." The couple was still looking at her with big eyes, so she added, "If the cervix would have been open, you would have lost the baby."   
"So what about the bleeding?" Max asked, confused. He had been certain that Liz had suffered a miscarriage, something that had, to his surprise, scared him. He thought that he had been sure that it would've been for the better if Liz lost the baby, but being faced with the actual situation had scared him to death. In the last hour he had realized that it was not only Liz that wanted this baby. He wanted it too.  
"Well, this is what we would call a threatened miscarriage," the physician explained. "The body is threatening to remove the baby."  
"There's something wrong with the baby?" Liz asked, squeezing Max's hand harder. If the body wanted to get rid of the baby, something must be wrong with the baby.  
"We are going to let you have an ultrasound to see if there's anything wrong with your baby," the physician answered.  
"Okay," Liz nodded, still shocked.

"Have you had intercourse recently?" the physician asked, flipping through Liz's medical journal.  
Liz looked up, worried, at Max. Had they done this? "Uhm…yes, well. Yesterday."  
"I thought it was okay to have… uhm…intercourse when you were pregnant," Max stumbled over the words, trying to remember what the doctors had been telling him when Tess had been pregnant. There had never been any problems with Tess' pregnancy and they hadn't really exercised celibacy.  
The physician looked up from Liz's very extensive medical history. "Sex is only one of the reasons to vaginal bleeding during pregnancy. It happens in around 30 of pregnancies and can be caused by hormones, an infection, but in your case, Miss Parker, it can be related to the immunosuppressive drugs you are taking for your heart."  
Liz's eyes closed, shutting the new tears in. She had known this could happen. To be honest, everyone had more or less been screaming the risks in her face, but she had always been hopeful that maybe it would be okay. She felt Max's warm lips against her forehead and the tears overflowed and ran down her cheeks.  
"It can still be alright, Miss Parker," the physician said, her voice warm and consoling. "Let us take a look at the ultrasound first before we jump to any conclusions."  
Liz opened her eyes and nodded, wiping the tears away with the back of her hand.  
"Here you go," the physician said, handing her some tissues.

The ultrasound was rolled into the examination room and the procedure which had filled Liz with anticipation and hope just a couple of weeks earlier was now connected to dread and hopelessness in her mind. The cold gel was applied to her stomach and almost immediately the room filled with the rapid lub-dub sounds of the baby's beating heart. Max felt his knees go weak and he sank down on the chair positioned next to him. The baby was alive.  
The physician smiled, confirming what Max already knew, "The baby seem to be doing okay. Its heart sounds okay."  
Liz nodded, knowing that she should be relieved, but she knew that she was still bleeding and that was preventing her from being able to fully relax.  
"What happens now?" she heard Max ask.  
"Since Liz's bleeding is still heavy, we are going to keep her here overnight, just as a precaution."  
"But the bleeding will stop, right?" Liz whispered.  
"Hopefully, it will stop. It might come back. Some women experience recurrent bleedings over a couple of weeks."  
"Oh no," Liz whispered, the prospect of continuing going through this anxiety making her nauseous.  
"But she won't miscarry?" Max asked.

"It's not for certain," the physician said grimly. "Around half of pregnancies with threatened miscarriage go through the pregnancy without any further problems while the other half will lose the baby."  
Liz shook her head in a sign of hopelessness and devastation at this and turned her head away from Max and the physician.  
"A nurse will come in shortly and help you get installed in a room," the physician said. "Do you want me to tell your friend to come in?"  
She was referring to Maria, who was waiting outside. Max glanced at Liz and shook his head. It was probably for the best right now to handle things without Maria's involvement. This was between Liz and him. "I think we need some time alone first," Max said.  
"That's fine," the physician said, giving him an understanding half-smile.  
"Thank you, doctor," Max said, releasing Liz's hand to shake the doctor's hand.  
The physician gave a short nod and left Max and Liz alone.   
Max sat down on the edge of the examination table, stroking Liz's hair. His hand froze when she spoke, "This is what you wanted, isn't it?"  
For a second he was at lost of words, because he really hadn't expected her to say anything like that at this moment.  
"No, of course I didn't," he said forcefully.  
"If the child would die, at least you wouldn't lose me," Liz continued.  
Max swallowed when she touched on the truth with such rawness. "Yes, that's true."  
Liz made herself smaller, very subtly inching away from him.  
"I couldn't bear losing you, Liz. And this whole thing… I was not sure if the baby was worth it. I'm still not sure."  
"The baby is part of us, Max," Liz sobbed, her voice small and lonely.  
"What if I lose both of you? The stakes are too high."  
"So you want me to terminate the pregnancy?" Liz whispered fearfully.

There was a long pause before he answered. "No. I thought I did, but after what just happened… I want this child just as much as you do, Liz."  
He looked up at the ceiling, feeling the weight of the reality pushing down on his shoulders. He was being honest, but his recent feelings of love towards their unborn child had grown into guilt for being willing to risk her life. Even if Liz was more than willing to do that herself, Max had felt like he should be the one responsible and see the catastrophe before it arrived and stop it.  
"What are we going to do?" Liz said quietly.  
"We have to take every day as it comes I guess," Max said weakly. What was he supposed to say? He knew as little as she did. In this situation that had become their current life, they were lost.

------------------------------------

Maria rushed up to Liz when she walked through the examination doors and enveloped her in a tight hug.  
"Babe, how are you feeling? Is everything okay? How is the baby? What are you going to do now?"   
"Uhm…" Liz said, not really sure what question to answer first.  
"She has to stay in the hospital overnight," Max replied, wrapping a protective arm around Liz's waist.  
Maria's eyes grew bigger, a combination of fear and sorrow lacing her features. "Did you lose the baby?"  
Liz glanced at Max before answering. "The baby is fine."  
Maria frowned, relieved at Liz's statement but still puzzled. "So why were you bleeding?"   
Unconsciously leaning into Max, Liz decided to fill Maria in on what the doctor had told them.  
"Oh my God," Maria whispered when Liz finished and pulled Liz into another hug. "Are you okay?"   
Liz gave her a weak smile, trying not only to comfort Maria but also herself. "I'm… I'm scared."

Her voice trembled at the last word and she felt Max arm around her waist tighten in its hold. She blinked to prevent the hot tears from rolling down her cheeks. She watched Maria's eyes tear up and tried to swallow the fear to protect her best friend.  
"Oh, sweetie," Maria murmured, protectively brushing a strand of Liz's hair behind her ear. "You are going to get through this, okay? Your baby is going to make this. I know the baby is a fighter, just look at her mommy."   
A teary laugh tumbled over Liz's lips, wanting to believe Maria's every word so badly.  
Maria caringly stroke Liz's cheek, removing the silent tears that were wetting the skin. "This is just a minor setback. You will get through this; I have no doubt in my mind."  
"Okay," Liz whispered, somewhat broken. She longed for the confidence she could see in Maria's eyes, but her fears were still too strong, too dominate.  
"Okay?"  
Liz nodded, brushing the tears away with the back of her hand. "Okay."

---------------------------------------------

_One day later_

"What do you think you're doing?"  
Liz bit her lower lip, knowing that she had been caught, and slowly lowered the cup she had been washing to the bottom of the sink. "I'm just washing my cup."  
His hand pressed against the small of her back as he stepped closer to her, "I'll do that, Liz. You should be in bed."  
She rolled her eyes. "The doctor said that it wouldn't really make a difference if I was resting or not, as long as I'm not like exercising or something."  
She could feel the heat of his strong body as he stepped closer, his arm snaking around her waist to protectively rest against the slight swell of her stomach. "I still think you should rest."  
She turned the tap back on and rinsed the cup. "Max, my hands are itching. I needed to do something."   
"Yes, Max. She's not handicapped."  
Max and Liz jumped at the presence of another voice, turning around in the direction of the sound. Isabel smiled when she saw the perplexity on their faces. "The front door was open."  
"What are you doing here, Isabel?" Max asked, stepping up to his sister.  
"Gee, you can really make a girl feel special," Isabel said sarcastically and pulled Max into a hug. "How are you holding up, little brother?"   
"Uhm," was Max reply as he was released from his sister's overprotective embrace.  
Isabel offered him a hint of a smile, before turning her attention to Liz, while her voice answered his initial question. "I came to visit Liz."  
Liz frowned. "Me?" 

Granted, Liz and Isabel had had some discussion about getting along, but things had continued to be strained between the two and Liz had thought that this would only fuel Isabel's argument about Liz being bad for Max further.  
"Yes, you," Isabel emphasized; her facial features letting everyone know how ridiculous Liz was being. "How are you feeling?"  
"Uhm…"  
"You certainly are a match made in heaven… Do you have any other information to give me but 'uhm'? I heard from Maria that you didn't lose the baby."  
Liz nodded, quickly catching up with the present. "The baby is fine. I had something called threatened miscarriage."  
Isabel shot a worried glance in Max's direction, before granting Liz's face a closer look in an attempt to read if this was good or bad. "That doesn't sound good."   
Liz shook her head. "I could be fine… but," Liz swallowed, meeting Max's eyes, "I could also lose the baby."  
"Oh Liz," Isabel said sympathetically and surprised Liz by pulling her into a hug.  
Max watched the scene with confusion and decided to be painfully blunt. "I thought you didn't like Liz being pregnant to start with."  
"Max," Liz warned as Isabel pulled away. Isabel turned to her brother, hurt shining in her eyes. Max was right, she had felt that way, but it was painful to hear him more or less accuse her of wanting their child dead.  
"How can you say that?"  
Max took a mental step back, realizing that he might've been too harsh. "All I'm saying is that Liz would be better off not being pregnant, right?"  
Liz looked at him, wondering if he was only saying the words he thought Isabel was thinking or if it was also the words in his mind.

Isabel opened her mouth to defend herself with some defensive words, but at the last second decided against it. Instead she turned towards Liz. "I… I'm sorry for the way I treated you and for how I talked to you before." Liz's eyes widened in surprise and Isabel hurried to continue. "I mean, if I were pregnant and someone disrespected me and my baby like that, I would... I would be really hurt. I'm sorry, Liz."  
The hint of an insecure smile fluttered across Liz's lips. "That's okay, Isabel. I completely understand your reaction."  
"But that doesn't make my reaction right," Isabel said, shame over how she had treated Liz trembling over her beautiful facial features.  
"Thank you, Isabel. Let's just put this behind us, okay?"  
Isabel visibly relaxed and her face brightened with a warm smile. "Yes, okay." Her smile grew when her brother's arms encircled her waist from the back. Giving her cheek a peck, he whispered. "Thanks, sis."  
Isabel blushed, getting uncomfortable with the sudden overwhelming gratitude and with a smooth step out of Max's arms; she brushed the strong feelings off and redirected her attention to Liz. "Now, how about you and I go for a little trip?"  
"Isabel-"   
Isabel silenced Max's protest with a warning glare and with a determined tone she said, "Max, Liz obviously needs to get out of the house. Don't worry. I won't let her do anything. She is going to be so pampered."

Max looked at Liz desperately. If he couldn't work with Isabel, maybe he could convince Liz not to go. Liz saw the honest worry in his eyes and stepped up to him, unconsciously taking a hold of his hand. "Isabel, where are we going?"  
"Manicure, pedicure, facials, you name it," Isabel said with a proud smile, confident that no woman would reject an offer like that, Elizabeth Parker included.  
Liz smiled warmly. Where had this Isabel come from? She looked up at Max, squeezing his hand in a comforting gesture.  
"I'll be fine, Max."  
Max met her eyes, and she could see how he was struggling to push the worry out of the way and his attempt to put on a smile was pathetic if not completely catastrophic. "Okay." His eyes still on Liz's face, his voice rose slightly in volume as he directed it in Isabel's direction. "Look after her, Isabel."  
"Don't worry, brother, I will take care of her."

TBC...


	51. Chapter 51

**Chapter 51**

"Max, where are we going?"  
Max glanced at her out of the corner of his eye, a smile warming his face. He was amazed every time she did or said something that made him fall so much harder. How was it possible to fall more in love with someone with every passing second?

She had asked him the same question four times now, but he wouldn't give her a definite answer, which was obviously driving her inquisitive mind insane.  
"If I told you, it wouldn't be a surprise, now would it?"  
He didn't have to look at her to know the pout that was already shaping those beautiful soft lips of hers.  
"I hate surprises," she mumbled.   
"You'll love this one," Max answered and reached across the gear stick to grab her hand. His hand brushed against her stomach in the process, causing a familiar flutter in his heart. Two months had passed since he had rushed her to the hospital because she was bleeding. She had been bleeding for three days after she had come home from the hospital, but the bleeding had not returned since. Max felt like he was constantly holding his breath, waiting for the other shoe to drop. He wouldn't allow himself to relax, to get his hopes up, but as more time passed he couldn't help but get more optimistic. Feeling the warmth seep from her hand into his, he wondered, for not the first time, what was going on in that beautiful head of hers. He knew that she was worried, because she had told him so. But how worried? He knew that some nights failed to grant her sleep as she turned from side to side next to him. He knew that she didn't want to make any plans for the future or buy any baby clothes out of fear that it would jinx the baby. He knew that the fear of jinxing the baby stemmed from an irrational idea that her looking at baby clothes with Maria just days before she had started bleeding and the connection made between the two events.

"Why won't you tell me?"  
Her question interrupted his train of thoughts and he cast her a look, alternating his attention between the road and her demanding gaze.  
Then there were the hormones. During the time that had passed since he was last in close proximity with a pregnant woman, he had happily repressed what a rollercoaster it could be. From months of practice at reading her signals, he knew that he was now threading dangerous ground and he needed to choose his words carefully to avert a possible emotional overload.   
"Sweetie, just humor me, okay? We'll be there any minute now."  
"Fine," Liz said indifferently, turning her head to gaze out the window, suddenly feeling mellow. She didn't like surprises. He knew that. Why was he insisting on forcing her to do something she didn't like? Her mood was instantaneously transformed in the next second, when her interest was piqued as Max turned off the main road they've been traveling down the last fifteen minutes. Out of his peripheral vision, Max saw Liz straighten in her seat and he smiled inwardly. He was positive that she was going to like what he had to show her. As the house came into view, he felt a chill of anticipation run down his spine and he maneuvered the car into the driveway. Liz turned to him with a mixture of wonderment and confusion written all over her face when he turned off the engine. 

"What's this?" she asked, her voice tentative, wanting to believe her suspicions but not really daring to.  
"I think you know," Max said, leaning over to brush his lips over hers. She sighed in his mouth, already leaning into him and her sigh turned from contentment into disappointment as he pulled away far too soon. She missed him so much. After the doctor had told them that sex could've been a contributing factor to her bleeding, they had decided to stay away from each other. According to the doctor, it was most probably the immunosuppressive drugs Liz was taking that were causing the bleeding, but she didn't want to risk it. She could practice abstinence. Looking up at his tanned face as he opened the car door for her, the shadows created by the tree looming over him playing over his face and bringing out his sharp chiseled masculine features, she had to inhale deeply. Abstinence had seemed an easy task in the beginning – the first three hours. After that, the ache had started. It wasn't only sex for her. Being with him in that most intimate way made her feel safe and loved. Falling apart in his arms and seeing her pleasure mirrored on his face made her feel like she belonged somewhere. How he looked at her when he gently stroked her naked skin with his fingers, his tongue, his body, made her feel cherished and worshipped.  
"You okay?"  
His eyes, shifting into a color of rich honey with concern, took in her sudden lack of movement. She swallowed, feeling tears burn her eyes at the gentleness in his voice. Dropping her eyes to regain control over her emotions, she cursed the hormones.  
His finger under her chin tenderly forced her to look at him. "Baby?"  
She swallowed, nodding as she mustered up a smile. "I'm fine."

"Is it because I didn't tell you?" he wondered, and when his barely contained guilt flooded his eyes she felt like crying all over again.   
"No," she said quickly and cradled his cheek against her palm. With a soft smile she continued, "Surprise me."  
Taking a hold of her hand and turning his head to place a kiss against her palm, he smiled in relief before helping her out of the car. He brought her hand up between them and she looked down with curiosity when she felt cold metal against her skin.  
"Lead the way, Ms. Parker," Max whispered, the warm timbre of his voice causing shivers to roll down her spine with an intensity that would've forced her to her knees if he hadn't still been holding onto her hand. She closed her eyes, already scolding herself for her weak self-control. She looked up at the Victorian house in front of her, her eyes devouring the eggshell whiteness of the walls, the dark shimmering ebony of the roof, the small tower raising from the second floor, just above the veranda that was leading up to the front door. With trembling legs, Liz took her first steps towards what she already knew was going to be her new home. She was already falling in love with the large windows facing the street, which she knew were hiding a roomy and bright kitchen, and the chimney on the side of the house which told her that there was a large old-fashioned fireplace on that side of the house.

Max was looking at her with nervous anticipation. Michael had tipped him off about the house two weeks ago and since Liz and Maria had been on a weekend trip in New York at the time, he had decided to check out the house on his own. He had taken one look at it and had known that it was their house. Everything had felt right. He'd had this weird moment when he felt like he was watching a movie, where he could see Liz and he lying together in the wooden hammock on the veranda, where their children would play hide and seek among the bushes and where Liz and he would grow old together. The days following his tour of the house, he had been waiting anxiously to see if his bid would be the highest. He had found out two days ago that he was the new owner of the small Victorian house in a very nice neighborhood where he could see perfect childhoods being formed.

Her hand was shaking when she put the key into the keyhole and turned. This was one of those defining moments of your life, she realized as the door opened before her, revealing a large open area, the wooden floor spreading out all around her as she slowly took a step over the threshold.

"Max…" she breathed, not believing her eyes. Voicing her disbelief, she whispered, "How did you find this?"  
"Let's just say this; we are indebted to Michael for a lifetime," Max answered behind her.  
"Michael? Michael did this?" Liz wondered quietly, her eyes scanning the area, her mind already furnishing the room.  
"The person living here before is one of his work colleagues and Michael knew that the house was going to be put up for sale before it was made official to the public."  
"Why would anyone want to move away from here?" Liz questioned, her eyes large as she slowly continued into the next room.  
"So that we could move in," Max replied.  
Liz shook her head slowly, falling in love with the old staircase in front of her.  
"Are you saying…?"  
She couldn't believe it. Had he really bought it? Was it theirs?  
"They are waiting for my final confirmation…" He looked at her in expectancy, letting her know that she had the final say in this. 

Her hand brushed against the wooden railing as she walked up the stairs. She didn't feel the pain in the small of her back from the pregnancy as her complete focus was on the second floor. Turning her head into the direction of the round room first, which from the outside had looked like a tower, her eyes started glistering with tears of happiness. It was perfect. And she was about to tell him just that when a movement in her uterus stopped her.  
"Max," she gasped and she realized how close he was standing when he was by her side in nanoseconds. The tone of her voice alerted him to that she wasn't concentrating on the house any longer; something that alarmed him. But before he had the chance of opening his mouth, she grabbed his hand, pressing it against her stomach.  
"The baby… it kicked," she whispered.  
Max eyes traveled from her face to her stomach, staring at it in silent awe. Just as he was about to ask her if she was sure, he felt the movement himself. His cry of surprise mingled with her words, "There it is again!" 

Excitement enveloped them, making Max stepped even closer. The made a enchanting image, their foreheads resting against each other, their hands covering her stomach, and the bright smiles on their faces. The light shone in from the windows lining the rounded wall, illuminating their bodies, being enhanced by the intensity of the happiness, relief and hope radiating off them.  
"This is her room," Liz murmured.  
"Her?" Max question, his eyes drifting to hers.  
"I have a feeling it's a girl," Liz answered, meeting his eyes.  
He looked down at her lips, feeling the sudden urge to taste her. To show her how much she meant to him. How she had saved him from a life of eternal darkness. Grasping her lower lip between his, his eyes drifted close when he felt her respond to him. His fingers fluttered across her check, to nestle in her dark hair.   
"It's perfect, Max," Liz mumbled against his lips, causing his eyes to open and he slightly pulled back to look at her.   
"Really? I did good?"  
She smiled brightly at his imitation of a little boy who had done something well, pulling him closer again and before fusing their lips together, she answered, "Yes, you did really good."

------------------------------------------------------

Liz's hand tightened around Max's as her smile grew bigger, her thoughts still on the conversation in the examination room they just left behind them.

_Everything seems really good. The baby's heart rate is normal and sounds perfect._

Liz looked up at Max, feeling his responding squeeze around her hand. She wanted to cry out in ecstasy, jump around with joy, run up and down the hallway laughing loudly, but it was strange how foreign she was to the emotion. What was she supposed to do? She knew what her giddy heart was telling her, but at the same time she didn't want to get her hopes up to later have them crushed. Meeting Max's eyes, she knew that it was inevitable. They already had their hopes up. Their steps slowed down and came to a halt simultaneously as they in unison turned to face each other. She could see the nuances of different degrees of happiness play over his face, as he tried to contain the enormous smile on the inside by squeezing his lips together. She was biting her lower lip, her eyes sparkling as she watched his face. Then, as if their seconds had been counting down to that exact moment, they cried out, a sound of euphoria, and he picked her up, swirling her around as they laughed. They felt invincible. Immersed in giddy happiness.

_Elizabeth. Max. I haven't dared to say this before, and there are still risks, but if you have gotten this far I think most of the potential risks are behind you. I would suggest you go home and celebrate. Makes some plans for the future. Relax. The baby seems perfectly healthy._

They had taken the doctor's tentative and sober tone seriously, knowing that anything could still happen. But at least they were through the rough times. They had reached the other side and the baby was still healthy. Feeling her hair billow around her, the air playing with the dark tresses, Liz felt like the luckiest woman on earth. They came to a stop and she buried her face in his chest, his unique smell enveloped her and suddenly she could only think of one way they should celebrate this. Feeling the familiar tingles spread over her body, she looked up at him, but was taken aback to see him staring over her shoulder, his brows furrowed in confusion. She frowned as well, turning in his arms to see what had captured his attention.   
Her eyes landed on the tall blonde woman in the same second as the woman spotted them. The woman's pace slowed down, the look of a reindeer caught in the headlights on her face.  
"Isabel?" Liz voiced in confusion. What was she doing here? At the hospital?  
Max's hands slid over Liz's stomach as she turned more fully in his arms, her back now pressing up against his broad chest. "Is everything okay, Is? What are you doing here?"  
Isabel stepped up to the couple, cautiously, tucking a strand of hair nervously behind her ear.  
"I'm…uhm… Michelle wasn't feeling too well so I just wanted to consult with a pediatrician," she answered, somewhat evasively, avoiding her brother's eyes by keeping her gaze on Liz's pregnant shape. Her features softened some; her gaze sliding from Liz's stomach to Liz's questioning face. "How's the baby?"   
Liz could almost feel Max's heartbeat picking up where she was pressed with her head against his chest and she was hit with the same wave of unexplainable happiness. "The baby is fine."  
Isabel couldn't help but smile at them, knowing from the energy she could nearly see radiating off them that it was really good news.

"What are you doing in the obstetrician section?"  
Liz's smile fell at Max's question, realizing why Isabel's answer to why being there had irked her. The pediatrician section of the hospital was on another floor.  
"Oh… I… I got lost," Isabel answered fleetingly.  
"Isabel," and Liz could easily pick out the warning in Max's voice.  
Isabel took a deep breath, her eyes resting on Liz's protruding stomach for a couple of seconds, before she straightened her shoulders, pulling herself back together; transforming into the confident woman they were used to see.  
"I was going to tell you later. It felt like I would be rubbing it in if something happened to your baby."  
"You're pregnant." It was more of a statement than a question as Liz voiced what Max already suspected. She felt Max's arms loosen around her and she watched with a new smile as Max pulled his sister into a tight hug.   
"You should have told me," Max whispered in Isabel's ear.   
Isabel felt tears well up in her eyes, relieved and happy to be able to tell him; to tell someone. Only Alex knew. They hadn't even told Michelle, knowing that she would without a doubt tell Max.  
"Oh, Isabel, congratulations," Liz smiled, hugging Isabel as Max took a step back. The two women gave a teary giggle as their stomachs bumped into each other.  
"You're okay with this?" Isabel asked, and Liz realized that it was the first time she had seen the fear of rejection in Isabel's eyes.  
"Are you kidding me?" Liz implored, her eyes growing bigger with excitement. "This is the best day of my life! Just imagine, they are going to grow up together!"  
Isabel laughed, relieved, and just had to hug Liz again.

TBC….


	52. Chapter 52

**Alvernogrl** – Thank you so much!

**Babyroswell** – Thank you! About Lethal Whispers, I'm planning on updating it, but I know that it's not looking very good since I haven't been updating in like forever. But I won't leave a story unfinished, so I will finish it – eventually.

**LastStar** – Welcome to this fic and thank you for the feedback!

**Chapter 52**

"…the dreams, that you dare to dream, really do come true…"

Her soft singing voice was carried up the stairs by the silence of the house, billowed down the hallway, tentatively crept around the corner of the doorway, sifted across the wooden floor of the bedroom and flowed around him as he put another pile of shirts into the cardboard box on the floor. They were moving into their new house in a week and Max was in the process of packing whatever he wouldn't need in the next couple of days. His head turned in the direction of the sound and the smile started on the inside, in the core of his soul, before brushing against his lips, turning his gaze into one of longing.

How was it that even with her this close, it wasn't close enough? The clothes rapidly forgotten, he started to walk in the direction of the sound, her voice pulling him, enchanting him, like the song of the Sirens. His feet barely made a sound as he carefully walked down the stairs, not wanting her to know that he was there. One of his favorite occupations was to watch her without her knowing that she was being watched. He loved to see what she did when she felt free to do whatever she wanted. Sometimes he could crave the fleeting smile that would pass over her lips when a memory or a thought passed through her head, unaware of that she had an observer. He loved how she would bite the end of the pencil as she, in deep thought, was planning a plot line for a story she was writing. He loved how she would bite her nails when she was watching a horror movie, and his steps slowed down to a halt when his eyes took in the present scene in front of him.

His ears became aware of the soft instrumental music accompanied by Eva Cassidy's gentle voice, softly mingling with Liz's voice. She was dancing, in the middle of the living room, her body slowly swaying from side to side, her hands caressing her stomach, and her eyes trained on where her baby was resting, safely tucked away under her beating heart.  
"Someday I'll wish upon a star, and wake up, where the clouds are far behind me. Where troubles melt like lemon drops, away above the chimney tops, that's where you'll find me…"  
She was singing to the baby, an unexplainable glow on her face. He had never heard her sing before and he knew in that moment, feeling a deep sense of calmness settle over him, that he should force her to sing more often. Her voice was light, easily following the keys of the professional singer.  
"Somewhere over the rainbow, skies are blue, and the dreams...that you dare to dream, really do come true. If happy little bluebirds fly above the rainbow, why, oh, why can't I?"

She didn't notice him walk up to her. His sudden interruption to her communication with the baby gave her a slight startle as his arms crept around her waist, hugging her back to his chest.  
"Sorry," he whispered against her ear and her eyes drifted close as the warmth of his breath drifted over the skin of her neck. "What are you doing?" Even though he knew the answer to the question, he wanted to hear her answer it. He wanted to hear her words describe the magic he had just witnessed, the pureness that was still enclosing her, gradually including him.  
"Nothing," she answered softly, feeling very self-conscious all of the sudden. She had never sung in front of anyone before and especially not to an unborn baby. Did he think she was ridiculous?  
He pressed his lips softly against the side of her neck, something he did a lot but which always ignited the same strong reaction in her. A need. A need for him.  
"You have a beautiful voice," he murmured.  
She felt herself blush and was grateful that he couldn't see her face, even though she suspected he knew exactly how she was reacting. Somehow, he could read her every expression by now. Sometimes she was convinced that he knew her better than she did.  
"I love this song," she answered, trying to divert the attention away from her. Her own reference to the song made her realize that she was still dancing, and so was he, together slowly swaying to the music, their bodies close together.  
"How's she doing?"

Liz smiled, looking down at her hands that were still caressing her stomach and her smile widened as she watched his fingers lace with hers. Max had taken her belief of the baby to be a girl for a fact since she had mentioned it at their future house and he had referred to the baby as 'her' ever since. Liz was still somewhat tentative, afraid to get too attached to the baby. Just in case something were to happen.  
"Wide awake and alert," Liz answered.  
"She's being rough on you?" His lips traveled up the slope of her neck, placing a small kiss on her earlobe.  
Liz held back a giggle. Max knew that her ears were ticklish and she was sure he was doing it intentionally, so she wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of knowing that he was right.  
"Nothing I can't handle," Liz answered, the smile on her lips flattering her voice.  
Max moved their entwined hands under her shirt, the desire to touch her skin becoming too great for him to resist.  
"I miss you." Her soft confession arrested the movement of his lips against the slope of her shoulder. The realization of what he was doing, how he must be teasing her, hit him. They made the decision, together, to not be intimate since it could be a risk factor to the baby. But he couldn't help it. Whenever her smile enveloped him, he became blinded with want, with the need for her. He was addicted to her. To her smell, the warmth and softness of her skin, the soft moans floating over those red inviting lips. There were still things they could do, but they had intentionally stayed away from that as well since once they had started something the craving to reach that final state of completion was too much for them to defy.  
"I'm sorry," he said quietly, guiltily, and started to pull his hands away. But she stopped him, tightening her fingers around his.  
"Please, Max. Stay. Can we just stay like this?"  
He hesitated, not trusting his self-control when he was around her. But being around her always won over not being around her, so he lowered his forehead to her shoulder, pulling her closer to him. He had just come up with another reason to why he couldn't wait for the baby to be born.

--------------------------------------------

"Mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy…"  
Isabel stepped out of the kitchen, a grin on her face as the voice of her excited daughter came closer to the house, increasing acutely in volume as the front door opened.  
Wiping her hands on a towel, she said loudly, "In the kitchen, sweetie."  
She could hear the voice that had been gradually diminishing in volume grow stronger again as Michelle turned and ran back towards the kitchen. Alex appeared in the doorway before his daughter, looking at Isabel with a look of… Isabel frowned. Apprehension?  
Before she could decipher her husband's look any further, their three-year-old rushed into the room and Isabel blinked.  
"Mommy, mommy! Look! I'm a cat!"  
Isabel blinked again, looking at her daughter who didn't look at all like she did when she left the house this morning. The tip of her little nose was colored black, lines transforming into whiskers were drawn on her cheeks, red had been painted in the centre of her lips, distorting her very human mouth into something feline. To top it off, her face was divided up into different sized triangles, changing from white to light brown to darker brown.  
"Yes, yes," Isabel stammered, "I can see that."  
Isabel looked up at Alex, needing an explanation, a response, anything. What she got was apprehension, guilt and…amusement?

Answering his wife's silent question, Alex scratched his eyebrow and said, "There was this face painter in the supermarket."  
"Uh-huh," Isabel answered, not sure yet how she should respond and looking from Alex's and her daughter's expectant faces she was aware of that they were awaiting an answer as well. Alex knew very well Isabel's opinion about putting money into unnecessary things and not being able to say 'no' to a three-year-old, but when it came to his daughter Alex was weak. How could anyone refuse that cutie? Those long dark eye-lashes and large puppy eyes?  
Shaking her head in resignation, Isabel transferred her gaze from Alex to Michelle, wanting to sit down on her heels so that she could look Michelle properly in the eyes, but her current condition prevented her from doing just that. Which reminded her of what was on the agenda today.  
"You are without a doubt the prettiest cat I've ever seen!" Isabel exclaimed and while Michelle started jumping up and down clapping her small hands together in excitement, Isabel noticed Alex relax out of the corner of her eye. Smiling, Isabel did her best to calm the bubbly Michelle down and glancing in Alex's direction, she took Michelle's hand.  
"Come here sweetie. Mommy has something to tell you."  
Michelle's eyes went wide with anticipation. "What is it? Is it a seeec…secret?"  
Isabel smiled at Michelle's efforts to correctly pronounce the last word, and tugged on her hand to move them out of the kitchen to the living room couch.

"Let's sit on the couch, okay?"  
"K," Michelle giggled, jumping up on the couch, bouncing up and down until the stern look from her mother informed her that not even on special occasion like this seemed to be was it alright to jump on the couch.  
Isabel sat down slowly, the more months that passed making her increasingly aware of the child growing inside of her.  
Alex took a seat on the other side of Michelle, looking at his wife expectantly. Sometimes it would be nice to know what kind of revelations his wife would offer beforehand.  
"Shelley, you know that Uncle Max and Liz are going to have a baby soon," Isabel started and a light went on in Alex's head. She was going to tell Michelle about the pregnancy?  
Isabel caught Alex's soft smile and pulled Michelle closer to her, for some reason feeling as if this moment was monumental. Michelle responded by curling up next to her mom, catching a hold of a few blonde strands of Isabel's hair, something she usually did when she was getting tired and wanted to cuddle.  
"Uh-huh," Michelle nodded, looking up at her mommy expectantly.  
"Well, uhm… actually, you will not only have one playmate soon, but _two_."  
Michelle frowned, looking utterly confused and her father chuckled next to her. Isabel was trying to be cryptic with a three-year-old, Alex thought.  
"Huh?"  
Isabel ignored Alex's chuckle and stroke an errant strand of hair away from her daughter's face. "Not too long after Uncle Max and Liz's baby has been born, you will get a little brother or sister."  
"Uncle Max's baby is my bwother?"

This caused Alex to chuckle even more, causing Isabel too look at him threateningly.  
Isabel pulled on the hem of her shirt, pulling it upwards to reveal the small bulge of her stomach. "Here, sweetie. In here is your brother or sister."  
Michelle stared at her mother's stomach, her mouth hanging open and her eyes big as saucers. Experimentally, she poked the stomach, wanting to see if the brother or sister her mother was referring to would come out or maybe even give a response poke.  
"The baby will be in mommy's stomach for a while, then the baby will come out and you will be a big sister."  
Michelle looked up at her mother, her mouth still hanging open, blinked a couple of times and said, "Sweet!"  
The word she had picked up from one of the neighbor's kids was followed by her jumping off the couch. "I's gonna pway now." With that she was gone.  
Alex took one look at Isabel's crestfallen expression and burst out laughing. At her obvious offense with his reaction, he scooted closer to her and pulled her into a hug.  
"She's four, Is. She has the attention span of a fly." Still laughing, he added. "Don't take it personally."

She pushed out of his arms, looking at him maliciously. "It's not funny!"  
"Yes, it is," Alex exclaimed.  
Stubbornly, she crossed her arms in front of her. "I thought she would be excited, she was so excited about Max and Liz's baby."  
"You're so cute when you're frustrated, you know that?"  
Isabel sighed loudly, exasperated.  
Alex put his arms around his wife, using force to pull her towards him again. "Come here."  
Against her own principles, she found herself relaxing in his arms and found his fingers moving through her hair and his fingertips massaging her scalp extremely soothing.  
"Michelle is going to love the baby, I'm sure of it," Alex whispered into her hair, pressing a kiss on her forehead.  
"I know, I know. I'm being silly."  
"That's why I love you."  
"Alex!"  
Alex chuckled. "Hey, you said it, not me."  
"Fine," Isabel murmured, wanting to show her irritation with him by pulling away, but his embrace was too warm. Too secure.  
"I love you, Isabel," Alex said quietly, his words spreading warmth all over her body. How did he always know the right thing to say?  
She smiled, feeling for the first time in months like things were finally looking up.

TBC...


	53. Chapter 53

**alvernogrl** – my faithful feedbacker :-) Thank you!

**Chapter 53**

Max finished work early on Thursdays and that gave him the opportunity to cook dinner for Liz. She was home most of the days, but she usually spent Thursdays with Maria and didn't return home until dinner time. It was Maria's day off work so Liz and Maria were always up to something to celebrate their "femalehood" as Maria liked to call it. Something Max had yet to completely figure out, but the giddy happy state Liz was in when she came home was enough to convince him that this femalehood was a good thing. There was something different about this Thursday though. Just like on all other Thursdays, Max collected the mail from the mailbox, sifting through the different sized and colored envelopes while simultaneously trying to balance the grocery bags on the crooks of his arms. His walk slowed some as his eyes landed on a dark brown C5 envelope and he read the sender stamp in the top corner. Feeling his heart picking up in speed, a smile teased the corners of his mouth and the dinner that same night took on a higher level of importance.

--------------------------------------------------

As Maria opened the door to her apartment, yelling in a general direction that she was home, Liz had never anticipated the little furry animal that came running towards them. Laughing, Maria kneeled down to embrace the small over-excited creature.  
"Who's this?" Liz asked, wondering how long this small addition to Maria and Michael's home had been around.  
Maria scooped the small Labrador puppy into her arms and stood up.  
"Elizabeth Parker, meet Dog. Dog, this is my best friend in the whole wide world."  
"His name is Dog?" Liz asked incredulously, grabbing the small paw that Maria offered.   
Maria rolled her eyes, remembering her own reaction when Michael had informed her of the dog's name. "The workers at the shelter called it Dog and while Michael kept him hidden from me he kept calling it Dog and now I can't rename it. It kinda stuck." Maria had been away for business for a week and this was obviously when Michael had decided to get this little cutie for Maria.  
"Michael got you a dog?" Liz knew that her mouth was hanging open, but she couldn't help it.  
"Yes, can you believe it?" Maria said with a bright smile.

Liz stared at the pup, thinking that she really couldn't believe it. For as long as she had known Michael, he had gone to great measures to inform everyone of how annoying he considered dogs to be. Liz had heard numerous times, from Maria, how Michael would sigh and fuss every time he saw a dog out on the street. She watched with a mixture of amusement and disgust as Dog licked Maria's face ferociously. It was one of those moments when time seemed to slow down around her and she found herself watching her best friend with new eyes. She saw the happiness on Maria's face, heard the tinkle of her laughter while the black energy fur ball attempted to lick Maria to death.  
"Why?" Liz wondered.   
"Sorry?" Maria giggled and Liz had difficulty seeing her friend through the fur.  
"Why did Michael get you a puppy?" 

"I thought it was appropriate since all of the girls around her kept getting knocked up and Maria was kinda left out," Michael's voice announced behind them. Liz turned around and smiled at Michael's blunt statement, reading between the lines of what he was saying. He was afraid that Maria would ask him for a baby and he had thought that the easiest way to get out of that possibly happening was to get Maria a substitute.  
"Hi Liz," Michael said, awkwardly giving Liz a hug.  
"Hey Michael," Liz answered, trying to maneuver her stomach out of the way the best she could. When had such a simple thing as greetings become an act of acrobatics?  
"Speaking of which," Michael looked pointedly at Liz's stomach, "when are you scheduled to pop?"  
Maria might still be getting attacked by the pup, but she was not too immobilized to smack Michael on the arm for his choice of words.

Liz smiled. She liked Michael, she really did. His honesty was really refreshing at times. But she would always be impressed with how Maria put up with it 24/7. Considering that thought, Liz realized that most of the time Maria didn't put up with it.  
"The caesarean is scheduled for the 2nd of March," Liz said.  
"Ohh," was Maria's excited input, "Only another month to go."  
Michael frowned in confusion. "C-section?"  
Liz nodded. "Yeah, they don't want me to do it the natural way, you know, because of my heart."  
Michael's face brightened with understanding. "Ahh."   
Shuffling Dog into Michael's arms, Maria flung an arm around Liz's shoulders, pulling her into a sisterly embrace. "Who would want to do it naturally anyway, right Liz?"  
Liz smiled weakly, letting herself be lead into the living room. She might be crazy, but she was probably the only one that actually wanted to give birth to her child the normal way. Shaking her head clear of the thoughts, she smiled to herself thinking that you always wanted what you couldn't have. The human being was truly never satisfied.

"How's the moving going? Have you unpacked everything yet?"  
Liz sighed tiredly at Maria's question.  
"I take that as a 'no'", Maria smiled, helping Liz to sit down despite Liz's protests in a futile attempt at trying to preserve some of her dignity and independence.  
Shuffling around, trying to make herself comfortable, Liz spoke, "It's taking forever. We still have so many boxes that are waiting to be unpacked."  
"How is that possible? You must've been there for…what? Like almost two months now?"  
Liz brushed some hair away from her face, thinking that she was in a desperate need for a hair cut. "Well, since Max is refusing to let me help out-"  
Maria frowned. "I get that you shouldn't be lifting stuff, but you can at least unpack small things, right?"  
Liz smiled humorlessly. "Try telling Max that. I unpacked all my clothes and the other day he noticed that I had started to unpack some of the china and cutlery while he had been away at work and… Well, he wasn't very happy."  
Maria snickered. "Are you fighting over china?"  
Liz rolled her eyes. "We're not fighting." She sighed, to Maria embodying the perfect replica of the three-year-old Michelle. "It's more like Max scolding me and I'm trying to argue my point. We won't agree and then we won't say anything to each other for like ten minutes. Then he will kiss me and we're back to normal."

Maria shook her head. God, her friends were really a cheesy couple. "You guys are unbelievable. If Michael were to forbid me from doing _anything_ – anything at all - I would kick his sorry ass out of here."  
Liz smirked. "I know you would. Have you seen me lately, Ria? And have you ever taken a good look at Max?" Maria raised her eyebrows silently communicating that of course she had checked Max out. Ignoring her, Liz continued, "It would be extremely difficult for me to kick him out, even if I weren't the size of a whale."  
"Oh come on! You're not a whale!"  
"You don't have to be nice, Maria. I might not be a whale, but I'm getting there."  
"So, do you want ice cream?"  
Liz stared at her friend incredulously. "Did you just hear what I said?"  
"I heard you," Maria said matter-of-factly. "We have Rocky Road, Cookie Dough, Chocolate Chip, Strawberry Delight-"  
"How many people are you feeding?"  
"Michael has a big appetite," Maria answered and smoothly pecked Michael on the cheek as passed him on her way to the freezer.  
"Right, it's _me_ who eats all the ice cream," Michael said to Liz. Wiping his hands on a towel, he sat down opposite Liz. Puzzled, looked at him.

"So, I couldn't help but overhear, but do you need some help with those boxes?"  
With surprise and disbelief coursing through her system, Liz was momentarily speechless. Michael never ceased to surprise her. "No… Michael, thanks, but you don't-"  
"Liz," Michael said, "You don't want all those boxes hanging around when that little offspring of yours comes into the world, do you?" Liz laughed insecurely, not sure what to believe. "Besides, Max might need my help to move some of the furniture. I've been meaning to talk to Max about it, but he's been kinda busy."  
Liz nodded. "Yeah, school's ending soon, so he has a lot of assignments to grade and exams to prepare."  
"Which is why you need my help," Michael emphasized.  
"Are you sure?"  
"Liz, I'm just glad I can help."  
Liz looked at him and said warmly, "Thank you, Michael."  
"Don't sweat it," Michael said casually, quickly standing up as he saw Maria approaching from the kitchen, two tubs of ice cream in her hands. "Is tomorrow okay?"  
Liz nodded, still slightly flabbergasted by what Michael had just proposed.  
Maria plopped down on the couch next to Liz and looked at Michael's retreating back curiously. "What was that about?"   
"I don't think I've told you this before, Ria, but Michael is a really good guy. Hold on to him."  
Maria looked at Liz suspiciously and then shrugged offhandedly. "Yeah, he's alright."   
But there was bright happiness in her eyes as she handed one of the tubs to Liz.

--------------------------------------------------

Liz sat down on one of the boxes in the hallway, letting the tempting smells from whatever Max was cooking fill her senses. If she had known what a good cook he was, she would've searched him out sooner. She flexed her neck to the side in an attempt to remove some of the tension. She was exhausted and her lower back was killing her. Her feet probably needed a good massage as well. Another one of Max's hidden qualities was his expertise in massaging. Looking up at him as he approached, she was once again reminded about how lucky she was to have him in her life. He leaned down to gently kiss her lips and his fingers lightly caressed hers as he transferred the wine glass from his hand to hers.  
"Thank you," she said, their faces still close together as she looked into his eyes.  
"My pleasure," Max winked and stole another kiss before he straightened. Liz put the glass to her lips and tasted the cool apple juice, her eyes trained on the dark-haired man in front of her.  
"How's your back?"   
"It's okay," Liz said, not wanting to interrupt his cooking with complaints about back pain.

Max grimaced in dislike as his eyes swept over her homemade chair. "Honey, why don't you sit on the couch? It's going to be at least ten more minutes."  
"I can't see you from the couch," Liz said, feeling as if she was stating the obvious.  
Max smiled, taking her free hand and gently placing a kiss on its back. "I can assure you, I'm not doing anything overly exciting. Later, you can watch me as much as you want to."  
"I haven't seen you all day," Liz said, ignoring the tingle running down her arm from his gentle grip on her hand.  
"I'm not going anywhere," he assured her.  
"Just humor me, okay?" Liz tried, knowing that when it came to her health and her comfort, Max was unyielding.  
Max sighed, looking at the stubborn woman in front of him. Today, he was willing to compromise. Without a word, he disappeared into the living room to return, much to Liz's dismay, dragging one of the armchairs. It was amazing to her how he could lift that huge armchair on his own and she immediately stood up, unable to passively watch him struggle without her helping.

"Max, what are you doing?" she admonished, taking a hold of the free end of the armchair.  
Echoing her question, Max looked up at Liz. "Liz, what do you think you're doing?"  
"Helping you out, what does it look like I'm doing?"  
"Liz," Max warned. "Sit down."  
She seriously considered objecting, but the look in his eyes firmly told her to not continue helping him out. She sat down on the box again, watching guiltily as Max pulled the armchair up against the wall in a spot where she would have a clear vision of the kitchen.  
"Max…"  
His breathing slightly labored, he walked over to her, offered his hand, while placing the other hand around her waist and pulled her to her feet. Unconsciously caressing the small of her back, knowing that she was in pain even though she wouldn't admit it, he guided her over to the armchair and helped her to sit down.  
"I'm not handicapped, Max," Liz protested weakly.  
"Let me know if you enjoyed the show," Max teased, ignoring her statement, and placed a kiss on her forehead. Whoever did she have to thank to have this man in her life?

------------------------------------------

"Mmmm," Liz sighed, licking the dessert fork. "Will you marry me?"  
Max's fork stopped mid-air and he looked at Liz. From her semi-closed eyes and the expression of utter contentment on her face as she enjoyed every gram of the mud cake, he quickly came to the conclusion that her statement hadn't been a serious one.  
"I thought that was my question to ask," Max said lightly.  
"I'm just making sure that you will never get away from me," Liz said, looking at him intently. Max's mind was working hard trying to decide if she was still playing with him or if the message he got from her eyes was telling him something. Of course he was planning on marrying her, but up until today he hadn't been sure how to pop the question, how to make it special. Because she deserved nothing less than perfect. Today, another event that had transpired had presented him with an idea. But if he were to use that idea, his proposal to Liz would be far in the future. Besides, he was worried that an engagement on top of the pregnancy and the move they were still in the middle of might be a little bit too much for Liz and he didn't want to place unnecessary stress on her.  
When Max didn't respond, Liz continued, "Because, you know, I'm sure a lot of women are just waiting to take my place."   
He grabbed her hand, lacing their fingers together. "No one is taking your place, not if I can help it."

She smiled at him, but her smile faltered as a dark thought entered her mind; a thought concerning what he would do when she wasn't around anymore. She would most likely die before him, due to the transplant. Feeling nauseous, she pulled her hand away from him, mustering up a smile as she reached for the juice container.  
"Really, Max. This was gorgeous. Thank you."  
Somewhat taken aback by the change in her behavior, Max couldn't help but scrutinize her. "I'm glad you liked it."  
"You're spoiling me," Liz said.  
"Try to stop me," Max challenged, still keeping an eye on her through the fluttering of the warm hue from the candles.  
"Now, why would I?" Taking another scoop of the homemade cake, Liz train of thought changed direction. "Oh, by the way, Michael offered to help with the unpacking."  
"Really?" Max looked as surprised as she had felt when Michael had offered.  
"Yeah, we could use the help."  
Max nodded, gratefully. "Definitely." He sliced another piece of the cake and balanced it on the knife to carry it to his plate.  
"Impressive," Liz said.  
"I am a man of many talents," Max said.  
"That you are," Liz agreed. When the words had left her mouth, Max dropped the fork on the floor.  
Liz laughed as he ducked under the table to retrieve it. "Obviously, handling cutlery is not one of them."

Looking up from under the table, Max was not only carrying the dropped fork but also a brown envelope. "What's this?"  
Liz frowned, taking the envelope that Max held out for her. "I don't know. You found it on the floor?"  
"Yeah," Max said, concealing the fact that he had placed that envelope on the floor earlier that same night. "Maybe one of the moving guys left it."  
"Maybe," Liz murmured, but she was speaking without realizing what she was saying, because she had spotted the sender on the envelope and had seen that it was addressed to her. She didn't even notice how Max was watching her intently, as her trembling fingers severed the top of the envelope. Her heart was hammering away in her chest, the sound of blood loud in her ears as it rushed to fuel her cheeks, draping an anticipated and nervous flush over her face.  
"What is it?" Max wondered, unable to contain himself any longer.  
"It's…" Liz tried to work her jaw, tried to get her tongue to cooperate to form words but for some reason she had forgotten how to speak.   
Slightly worried that it might be a rejection letter, Max rose from his chair and went to stand behind Liz, his arms enveloping her across the shoulders and collarbone as he read the letter over her shoulder.  
"Ms. Elizabeth Parker. We are pleased to inform you that we want to publish _Heartbeat_. We will contact you on a later date with more information. Congratulations."

"It's my book," Liz whispered. "They're going to publish my book."   
Max smiled broadly and tightened his arms around her as he kissed her cheek. "I knew they would."  
"Max," Liz said, shocked. "They are going to publish my book."  
Max chuckled. "Uh-huh."   
"Oh my God," Liz said, emitting a trembling exhale.  
"It's an extraordinary book, Liz," Max said.  
"Oh my God," Liz repeated, still staring at the piece of paper in her shaking hands.   
Max released his grip on Liz and walked around her, kneeling in front of her. Tears were flowing down her cheeks and his smile broadened. It was happy tears. She looked from the paper to him, back to the paper, to return to him.  
"I don't understand."  
Max caressed her thigh, anxiously waiting for the news to really sink in. "They liked your book, Liz. Soon everyone will be able to read it. Soon everyone will know what an incredible writer you are."

She thought about the pile of rejection slips that she had saved, still packed away in one of the numerous moving boxes. She had never stopped writing. She had never given up. But she had gotten so used to getting rejection notices that she had forgotten how it felt like to anticipate an acceptance letter. After she had submitted her latest novel, after Max had read through it, her busy every day life had taken over and she had almost forgotten about the reply she was awaiting. She had been accepted? They were going to publish her book?   
A smile spread over her face, which was quickly covered behind her hand as if it was too big to be let out. "They are going to publish my novel."  
"Yes," Max said.  
Barely containing the squeal of joy, Liz flung herself into Max's arms, her stomach pushing Max off balance so that they ended up flat on the floor.   
"They want my book!" Liz exclaimed, her excited hands taking a firm grip on his cheeks and kissing him elatedly.  
"Yes, they do," Max laughed.  
Liz sat back, her thighs straddling his waist and looked off into the air, a big smile on her lips. "I can't believe it." Looking down at him, the intensity of the bliss in her eyes, almost took his breath away. "Can you believe it, Max?" 

Before he had a chance to respond, she was kissing him again. At first she was raining small kisses all over his face, but as his hands moved into her hair, she felt the change in the air and her lips automatically sought his out. Later, thinking back on the whole incident, she couldn't remember how they maneuvered around her stomach, but neither of them was aware of the third person between them at that point. A need strong enough to ignite a fire was boiling between them, their kisses growing increasingly demanding. As her mouth tasted him, felt him, was adored by his mouth, her hands were on a mission of their own, unbuttoning his shirt. She moaned into his mouth as her hands came into contact with his taut, hairless skin. Assaulted by the sudden need to taste his skin, she slid her lips down his throat, leaving a wet trail of kisses in her wake. His hands adored the few inches of naked skin he could find, until that wasn't enough and he took a hold of her sweater and tugged on it. Sliding over the bulge of her stomach, his actions separated her from her exploration of his skin as he pulled it over her head. Not bothering to remove her bra, he pushed the material upwards to capture one of her dark nipples in his mouth. Liz inhaled sharply at the touch. She couldn't remember ever being this sensitive. She could feel his loving radiate out from her breast as tingles throughout her entire body.  
"Max…" she moaned, her head rolling backwards as she arched her back.  
Finding it too much of a hassle to navigate around her bra, Max reached behind her to unclasp it.

"God, Liz," he sighed as she sat naked across his chest, merely clad in denim jeans. The reason why they should not continue this was staring him straight in the face and he halted. Liz, noticing his lack of response, met his eyes.  
"What's wrong?" she panted.  
"We can't do this," Max said, regretting every word.  
"What? Why?" Her mind was dazed, but the cold air of the living room made her acutely aware of her unclothed state. Following Max's eyes to her stomach, she sighed, cursing her own stupidity for almost letting things get out of hand. "Oh…"  
Leaning forward, Max pressed a kiss against the stomach, simultaneously taking the moment to will himself to calm down.  
Feeling the goosebumps form on her skin under his lips, he pulled back and collected her sweater from the floor next to them. Giving her a loving half-smile, he helped her pull the sweater back on. He gently stroked her hair back from her face, reveling in the feeling of her soft skin against his thumb. He could never get enough of her. Liz reciprocated a more radiant smile as her thoughts returned to the cause of them almost losing their control.  
"They're going to publish my book!"  
Her giddy giggles were partially drowned out by his kisses and their laughter filled the house as Liz lost her balance and fell off of Max's lap. 

TBC...


	54. Chapter 54

**alvernogrl** – thank you!

**Chapter 54**

The feathery touch to the skin of her stomach woke her up. Her mind still groggy from sleep, she slightly opened her eyes to find Max with his head resting on her belly. He looked at her, startled, as her hand crept into the mass of dark hair on his head.   
"Hey," he whispered, his eyes dark in the humble lightning of the early morning. "Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you."  
"Max," Liz mumbled. "What are you doing?"  
He had pushed her nightgown upwards to expose her naked skin and she could feel the warmth of his fingers softly pressing against her stomach.   
"Nothing," Max whispered and granted her with a small self-conscious smile before moving up beside her, aligning his strong body with hers.  
"You know, you're going to make our poor child sleep-deprived if you keep talking to her that much," Liz said.  
Resting his weight on his elbows, he stretched out and smothered the hair away from her forehead before adorning it with a kiss. Complimenting her cheeks and the tip of her nose with kisses as well, he came to rest his forehead against hers, looking into her eyes, feeling the presence of her lips less than an inch away.   
"You're going to make _me_ sleep-deprived," Liz continued, very aware of the proximity to Max's body.  
"I needed to tell her something," Max answered, his lips teasingly brushing against hers with every word.  
"Really?" Liz moaned, his traitorous fingers moving further up her body, under the nightgown. "What's that?"  
"That, my love," his hand brushed against her breast and he captured her gasp with his lips, sensually slowly touching her lips, "is a secret between her and me."

"Hey," Liz protested, and she had to struggle, in more ways than one, to be able to push him away from her and onto his back. As she hovered over him she was unaware of the opposite effect her attempt at putting him in his place was having on him. "If your discussions disturb me as well, I think I have the right to know what those discussions…" His hands, cradling her cheeks ever so gently, halted her sentence, causing the last words to weakly whisper through the air, "…are about."  
"I love you."  
The honesty she could hear in his voice and the love she could see in his eyes heightened his statement until it was rolling down her spine in rivulets of goosebumps. Leaning down to kiss him, she responded softly, "I love you too."  
His fingers were threading through her hair, his eyes looking up at her longingly. "I've been thinking."  
"Good for you, Max," Liz smiled.  
In a quick sweep, Liz unexpectedly found herself on her back and before she even had the chance to voice her surprise, Max was kissing her neck.   
"Besides," Liz said breathlessly, angling her head to grant Max better access, "what are you doing _thinking_ at six in the morning? And do you know what day it is?"  
"Sunday," Max answered, his voice creating vibrations against her skin and her leg unconsciously draped over the back of his thigh.  
"And what do people normally do on Sundays?"  
"Some go to church… actually, if I remember correctly it's the day God rested and I'm sure there was complete silence on Earth on that day of rest."  
Liz pulled back to look at him through narrowed eyes. "What are you implying? That I talk too much?"  
"At the moment," he kissed down her neck, pushing the strap of her nightgown out of way to trace her collarbone, "yes."  
"You started it," Liz countered.   
Kissing down between the valley of her breasts, eliciting another moan from her lips, Max smiled against her skin. His lips lingered there before looking up at her while resting his chin on her chest. 

"I think it's time to discuss names," he said. They had avoided the subject out of fear that a name would increase the attachment value to the baby; something they weren't willing to do while there was still a large risk that the baby might die. But Max thought it was about time to plan for the future. "Any suggestions?"  
Liz looked at him incredulously. "Are you telling me that you woke me up to talk about names?"  
"You're so cute when you're cranky," Max said.  
Liz resisted the urge to smack him. "Max, it's-" she glanced at the digital clock on the nightstand, "6.20 _a.m._. Anyone would be cranky at this time."  
Her voice took on a softer tone and she kissed him on the forehead. "Actually, I have thought of a name."  
Noticing her sudden shyness, Max slid further up her body, burying his face in the crook of her neck. The heat from his body encased her as his naked chest pressed up against the exposed skin at the top of her gown and she could feel the rhythmic beating of his heart against her breast.  
"Tell me." His voice was distorted, coming from the warmth and security of her neck. There were a couple of seconds of silence before she responded, the breath she held as she voiced the name exposing how highly she felt in her heart that the baby she was carrying was supposed to carry the name on her mind for the rest of its life.  
"Miranda."

Silence and immobility followed, seconds stretching far too long for Liz's comfort, but after what was in reality only five seconds, Max lifted his head and met her eyes. She briefly saw his joy and contentment sparkle in the brown color before he turned his head away from her, directing his eyes to her stomach. Kicking the sheets slightly out of his way, Max eased himself down the length of the bed, brushing against Liz's body unknowingly but ever so enticingly. He rose to his knees next to her stomach and positioned his hands against the protrusion, his hands dark in contrast to her milky skin. His entire attention on the baby resting on the other side of the protective integument, Max spoke in a voice that made Liz tear up. "Hello sweetie. Mommy and I have talked, and you know what? You are now Miranda. How about that?"   
"Do you like it?" Liz asked and swallowed when she heard the teary quality of her voice.  
Max looked at her and took a hold of her hand, lacing their fingers together. "It's perfect. Just like you." Turning back to her belly, he tenderly kissed it, sealing the bond between a father and a daughter with a kiss. "And you."   
"Any suggestions for a boy's name?" Liz asked, wiping a runaway tear off her cheek.  
"Now, why would we need that? We already know it's a girl, right?"  
They didn't really. They hadn't medically confirmed it.  
"Just in case?"  
"Liz, this is Miranda. There's no doubt in my mind that you are carrying a Miranda."  
Liz smiled, nodding while tears silently rolled down her cheeks. "Okay."

-------------------------------------------------

"Thank you, again, for doing this, Michael," Liz said as Michael picked up another box off the floor.  
"If you don't stop thanking me already, I might just hurt you," Michael said. Liz laughed at his gruff tone of voice. Glancing over at her over his shoulder, he shrugged. "I don't mind."  
Smiling to herself, Liz picked up a photo frame from the box Michael had positioned on the dining table and her movements slightly halted as she saw the small boy staring back at her. Joshua. Unconsciously stroking her pregnant stomach, she slowly placed the frame on the table. A thought occurred to her then. An idea.  
"Michael?"  
She assumed that the huff she got in reply meant that Michael was listening and continued, "Do you know anyone that are good at making photo collages? You know, digital art?"  
Michael turned towards her, looking at her with a blank expression. "Uhm… yes, I know someone. He's rather good. What did you have in mind?"  
Liz lifted the frame off the table surface and gave it to him. Michael got a wistful expression on a face, an emotion that passed quickly before he looked up from the photo. "You want to make a collage of Josh?"  
Suddenly not so sure that it was a good idea, Liz nodded insecurely. "Do you think Max would like that?"  
Michael looked down at the photo again, contemplating her question. His eyes remained trained on the photo as he answered. "Yes, I think he would like that."  
With a rush of excitement over this new project, Liz bit her lower lip to prevent her smile from exploding. "Uhm… I think he has some more photos upstairs. I'll go and look."  
"Okay," Michael said absent-mindedly and returned to what he had been doing.

Liz had fallen in love with their new house from the second Max had put the house keys in her hand, but climbing the beautiful stairs had proved to be an ever increasing challenge. Feeling the weight of her abdomen pulling downwards by the force of gravity, Liz was tired after merely seven steps. She pressed her hand against the belly and tightened her hold on the rail, and ignored her sharp breathing in her ears. Her forehead was glistering with sweat when she reached the top step and she had to stop for a few seconds to get her breathing back under control. While she stood there, making herself take deeper and slower breaths, she felt something wet spread through her panties. Frowning, she looked down at herself, seeing a darkening of her pants spread along the side of one of the legs and she frowned. Did she just wet herself? She hadn't even felt the need to go to the toilet. As she straightened up to walk into the direction of the bathroom, it hit her.  
"Oh no…" she whispered.  
It was too early. It was a month too early.  
"Stay calm, stay calm," she told herself, while her heart was racing away. Getting herself worked up would only make the situation worse. Get Michael. She needed to get to Michael. She turned around and looked down the long stairs, putting one foot on the first step with the intention of going down when she felt a sharp pain in her stomach. She doubled over, her hand gripping the rail tightly. It lasted only for a few seconds, but it was enough to knock the wind out of her.  
Fearfully, she looked down the stairs. "Stay calm, stay calm."  
Not seeing Michael where she had left him, she could feel the panic build up inside. "_Michael!_"

She was taken aback by the strength of her voice, and apparently, so was Michael who appeared around the doorway, looking up at her with an unreadable expression. "What?"  
Stay calm. Stay calm.  
"I need you to call Max."   
"Max's at work," Michael answered.  
Liz closed her eyes, focusing on her breathing. Thank you, Michael, for stating the obvious. "Yes, Michael, I know that. But you need to call him. Tell him to call Dr. Reynolds and let them know that they need to prepare for the caesarean today."  
Michael gaped at her. "What?"   
"My water just broke, and I'm having contractions."  
"I thought you said you were not going to have the C-section until a month from now."  
Liz closed her eyes again. Out of all people, why was she with Michael when her water broke?  
"I guess the baby didn't get the memo. You might want to call an ambulance as well…" Her hand tightened around the rail, "…I'm not feeling too well."  
Michael took a step towards the stairs, seeing her sway. "Liz?"  
"I'm fine. I'm fine. Please, Michael. You need to call Max."  
Michael looked at her for a long second, before running up the stairs, taking two steps at the time.  
Liz stared up at him as he towered protectively over her. "Michael, what…? I just told you-"  
"Look, Max is going to kill me if he finds out that I just left you like this." Before she had a chance to react, Michael had scooped her up in his arms and was carrying her towards the bedroom. "And I don't think he would've been too happy if you had fainted and fallen down the stairs and broken your neck."

He laid her down on the bed cover, as if she was made out of glass, a tenderness Liz never knew Michael possessed. Before she had the chance to ponder that fact any further, another contraction hit her and its suddenness tricked a cry over her lips. When the pain disappeared, she noticed Michael's hand caressing her forehead and looking at her worriedly.  
"Michael, what are you still doing here?"  
"You okay?"  
"Yes, yes, I'm fine. Just get Max, okay?" If she hadn't been panicking she might've felt guilty about the harshness of her voice, but Michael didn't seem to notice as he nodded and disappeared. For the next ten minutes, she was lying on the bed, staring at the ceiling, only partly aware of how Michael was hovering around the bed. It was the longest ten minutes of her life and it did nothing to lessen her worry about the baby.  
"Liz?"  
"Yes," she said.  
"The ambulance is here. Do you want to wait for Max?"   
Liz looked up at Michael and shook her head. "I need to get to the hospital. Tell Max to go to the hospital."  
She had suspected that Max wouldn't make it in time. The school where he worked was a twenty minutes drive from where they lived.  
"I've got her," Michael told the ambulance men as they walked into the room and before Liz had the chance to protest, Michael had lifted her up again and was carrying her out of the room and down the stairs. 

Michael lowered her on the stretcher and she managed to catch his hand before he jumped out of the ambulance. "Thank you, Michael."  
He just nodded, a perfect model of shock, and then he was gone.  
"Don't worry, Ms. Parker, it will be fine," one of the ambulance men assured her. She nodded inattentively, her eyes focusing on the backdoors as they were closing. Before the doors closed completely, something stopped the ambulance man on the other side and Liz could hear voices. _His voice_. Relief washed over her. She started crying when she saw him jump into the ambulance. Seeing her tears, lying there on that stretcher in the ambulance, his heart almost stopped.  
"Baby," he said, his hands in her hair, caressing her cheeks, his mouth kissing her tears and his arms pulling her into his arms.  
"It's too early," she cried into his shirt.  
"It's going to be okay. It's going to be okay."   
"She's not ready to come out."  
His arms tightened around her as he mumbled soothing words into her hair. When she bent forward as another contraction hit, he, almost instinctively, rubbed the small of her back without loosening his hold on her. He remembered how nervous and panicked he had been when Tess had gone into labor with Josh, but all of those feelings were not present at this moment. He knew how important it was that Liz remained as calm as possible and he was going to do everything in his power to remove her fears.

----------------------------------------

"How are you feeling, Liz?"  
Liz smiled weakly at the nurse, squeezing Max's hand tighter. "Okay."   
"That's good. Everything is going okay. You just relax."   
Liz's eyes wandered to the mint green colored sheet blocking her vision from the operation, before she looked up at Max who, clad in matching mint green, was alternating between watching the procedure on the other side of the sheet and watching over her. Their eyes met and she could see the reassuring smile in his eyes even though the facial mask prevented her from seeing it on his lips.   
"What's going on?"  
Max glanced over the sheet, still trying to get past the sight of all the blood as the doctor cut through the layers of skin and mesentery. "They haven't gotten into the uterus yet."  
Liz nodded, worry prominent in her eyes. At her expression, Max kneeled next to her, so that his face ended up level with her shoulder. She turned her head to look at him and he squeezed her hand. "You're doing fine."  
She nodded, strange conflicting feelings tearing inside of her. She wanted the child to come out so that she wouldn't be exposed to Liz's immunosuppressive drugs any longer, but at the same time she wanted the child to remain in her womb and not come out until she was fully equipped to handle the harsh outside world.  
"Hey," Max said, demanding her attention, "remember all those baby books we've read? We know better than anyone that a baby born in week 35 is usually just as well developed as a full-term baby."  
"I know," Liz agreed. She knew all of that. Still, she was afraid that her case would be different. Her case _was_ different. Even though the baby was only one month premature, she might still have a low birth weight and that would affect her chances of survival.

Her train of thought was interrupted by a loud cry. A baby's cry. _Her_ baby's cry. She looked up at Max, desperate to hear his confirmation to what she was hearing, but his head was turned into the direction of the sound. She knew that the baby would be rushed off directly, to be supplied with oxygen and to prevent it from getting cold, but she was hoping that maybe she would see her before.   
"It's a girl, Mr. Evans," the doctor told Max and he barely noticed the tears flowing down his cheeks as he followed the very small baby's trip towards the back of the room, until he couldn't see her anymore.  
"It's a girl, Liz," he said, turning to Liz. She was smiling at him, but as the increasing distance between him and his newborn daughter diminished the screams, his ears picked up on the beeping of the ECG that was hooked up to Liz. It was telling him that her heart was beating, but even though he was not a doctor, it was also telling him that her heart was not beating regularly. Before he had a chance to ask the question, a nurse leaned over Liz.  
"Liz? How are you feeling?"  
"Is the baby okay?" Her voice was weak and Max felt the ice-cold hand of dread squeeze his heart.  
"It's a very healthy baby girl," the nurse answered. "But you have to focus on you now, Liz."  
"I'm kinda dizzy," Liz mumbled, her words becoming more incoherent. Max watched in horror as her eyes drifted close and he heard his own voice scream 'no', blending with the incessant high-pitched flatline signal from the ECG. Hands were pushing at him, trying to separate his hand from hers. Voices were yelling around him, words he understood but didn't want to hear. _Heart has stopped. Losing blood._  
"Mr. Evans. You need to step outside."  
With his life collapsing before his very eyes, he was led out of the room. Through the plastic window in the green door closing in front of him, he watched Liz's body jolt as electricity was sent through her unresponsive body. Again and again…

TBC...


	55. Chapter 55

**Alvernogrl** – Without you I would most likely forget to update. Thank you for the feedback!

**Chapter 55**

"Max?"  
He turned around and mustered up a smile as he saw his sister. "Hey."   
She pulled him into her arms, her protruding stomach being slightly compressed between their bodies. "How're you holding up?"  
"I'm okay," Max answered, unconsciously squeezing his sister harder.  
"Have you seen the baby?"  
Max nodded, a true smile lingering in his eyes. "She so tiny."  
"But she's okay?"  
"Yeah."  
"That's really good, Max."   
"It's too soon to tell if the immunosuppressive drugs have caused any damage, but the doctors are optimistic."  
Isabel smiled. "That's really good news, Max."  
He nodded, distractedly, while staring into the wall with unseeing eyes.

_Max grabbed a nurse that rushed out of the room, his grip tight and demanding her attention. "What's happening?"  
"Mr. Evans?"   
Tears threatening to spill over, he ignored her question, "Is she dying?"  
The nurse turned more fully towards him, seeing the worry in his eyes. "Mr. Evans, there were complications, her heart stopped-"  
"I know that god damnit!"  
His loud outburst didn't affect the nurse a bit. Having seen numerous of worried fathers, husbands, brothers, uncles, and so on during her 27 years of residency she recognized his anger for what it truly was. Fear.   
Speaking calmly, the nurse tried to catch his eyes which were routinely fluttering to the plastic window in the door, trying to see what was going on. "She's bleeding a lot, so the doctors are trying to stitch up the caesarean and they are trying to restart her heart. Mr. Evans, considering your wife's medical history, we were fully prepared for that something like this could've happen. We have the best doctors in there working on her right now."_

"How is she?"  
Max jumped out of the reverie and looked at the red-eyed Maria who was running down the corridor, with Michael chasing her heels. But before he had a chance to answer, Liz's parents appeared through the swinging doors behind Maria and Michael. With determined strides and an aura of familiarity that someone who have visited a hospital more times than should be allowed, Nancy and Jeff Parker overtook Maria and Michael. Jeff granted Max a look, the father's eyes fearful, while his wife was staring straight ahead, her destination several doors down the corridor.  
"Is she okay?"  
Max turned to look at Maria and recognized the fear on her face as his own.

_He could see the medical staff clearing out of the room, something that didn't make him relieved, but only further heightened his fear. There were two reasons to why they would be clearing out the room. Either they had succeeded and she was okay, or she was dead. He caught the first doctor walking out of the room.  
"What's going on?"  
"Mr. Evans?" Max sighed internally, but gave the obligatory nod.  
"Has anyone informed you of what is going on?"  
"I was hoping you would do that," Max said, feeling the sudden need to hit the man in front of him. Could they stop with the politeness already and get to the point?  
"Elizabeth's heart reacted to the anesthetics and she had an arrhythmia. The development was fast and her heart stopped."  
Max was unaware that he was tightening his fists so much that his nails digging into his skin caused his skin to break. He would look down at his palms two days later and wonder where the wounds came from.  
"We were able to resuscitate her. She's stable."  
Max's body collapsed against the wall in a trembling sigh. His voice weak, and tears of repressed fear mixing with relief flooding down his cheeks, he whispered, "Can I see her?"  
"We have to move her and after that a nurse will let you know when it is okay to visit her."  
Max nodded, his eyes reverted back to the window. As his eyes tried to pick up every glance of Liz possible through the nurses milling around, he missed the small sympathetic smile on the doctor's face._

"They say that she is stable at the moment, but that they still need to monitor her closely," Max said.  
A trembling, well-manicured hand covered an 'Oh God' and Maria turned into Michael's waiting arms, the built up fear that had been holding her up, keeping her going, diminishing and making her legs weak.  
Isabel hugged Max again, thinking that she was doing it for Max without realizing that she was the one needing the comfort more than her brother. It was different for Isabel than it was for Maria. If she had known Liz better she might have formed a stronger bond, a bond that would make her fear Liz's death. But at the moment, all Isabel could think of was her brother and what Liz's possible death would do to her brother. It was the fear of losing him again that made her hug him tightly and the two tears falling on his shoulder were tears of deep-rooted worry - for Max.  
Max caught Michael's eyes. "Thank you for looking after Liz."  
"Don't mention it," Michael answered, feeling slightly uncomfortable with the heavy gratitude in Max's voice. Michael was happy he had been able to help and to hear that there was a good reason to believe that Liz would be okay caused relief to drown his heart, something that was not visible on his face.

Max looked over in the direction Liz's parents had disappeared to and the suffocating feeling of guilt and inadequacy flooded back up to the surface. He felt torn between Liz and his newborn daughter. Both were floating between life and death and he didn't know who he should visit. Even though the feelings were not completely eradicated, the nurses had made the decision easier for him.

"_Mr. Evans?"_ _  
Max tore himself away from the plastic window, ignorant to the fact that the image of hospital beds, cables, machines, and scrubs would be forever imprinted on his retina, and looked at the red-haired nurse in front of him.  
"Yes."  
She extended a slender hand, accompanied by a soft smile, and he took it, needing the physical contact more than he was aware of.  
"My name is Anna. I'm the head nurse for your daughter."  
"Oh," Max said, feeling as if she was talking to someone else. Talking about someone else's life. It still did not feel real. His daughter's birth did not feel real. How could something that was supposed to be a moment of joy and celebration be transformed into something he wished was a nightmare he would wake up from? Even though it had been difficult to fathom that he was a father when Joshua had entered the world, that situation had been vastly different from the current. Josh had been born the natural way; there had been no complications whatsoever, and Josh, still wet from amniotic fluid, had been placed on top of Tess' chest soon after birth. They had been able to look at the baby, contemplate his smallness and wonder over the fact that they were parents. They'd had time to let everything sink in._

With Liz, it hadn't sunk in. He had been amazed and elated the moment they picked the very small girl out of Liz's womb, but that feeling had quickly disintegrated as Liz's condition had worsened. He was only a father for a few seconds, but Liz had owned his heart for more than a year, and the feelings of fatherhood had quickly dissipated when Liz's heart had stopped, and an indescribable fear of losing her forever had mercilessly put its claws into him. Hearing the tall nurse refer to his daughter frightened him. He had forgotten about his daughter and worse yet, when this nurse had presented herself he feared that she would take him away from Liz. Guilt followed quickly thereafter. It was his daughter, for Christ's sake! He should be elated to hear about her. But all he could think about was Liz. Liz was all that mattered.  
"Does your daughter have a name?"  
Max blinked, glancing through the window again to see if they were about to move Liz yet. The sooner they would move Liz, the sooner he would be able to see her.  
"Miranda."  
"Miranda," Anna mused. "That's a beautiful name. Would you like to meet her?"  
Her inquire caused him to look at her with mixed feelings of fear and excitement. Fear of leaving Liz. Excitement about seeing his daughter.

Noticing how the man's gaze kept flickering to the plastic window, nurse Anna said, "I'm sorry about your wife."  
"We're not married," Max answered thickly, wishing desperately that he had actually proposed to Liz.  
"Oh," Anna said. "Has anyone informed you on what's going on?"  
Max offered Anna a sideway look. "She's stable, but they are going to move her."  
"Yes," Anna said, "They are probably going to keep her sedated for awhile and I'm pretty sure they won't allow visitors during the first hour."  
He knew that she was only trying to help, trying to let him know what was going on, but her statement made him want to cry.   
"It's up to you, Mr. Evans, but I could take you to Miranda and you could see her, before going back to Elizabeth."  
Max looked back at the window, feeling like he wanted to split himself in two. Nurse Anna's message was coming through loud and clear. Since he wouldn't be able to see Liz anyway, he might as well visit Miranda. But something was holding him back, letting the decision sustain its difficulty. 

"Will the baby stay in the hospital for long?"  
Isabel pulled him back from his memories, forcing him to focus on the present. "Uhm…according to the nurse, premature babies usually stay in the hospital for the remaining time that they were supposed to have spent in the womb. But it really depends on if she is putting on enough weight."  
"God, this whole thing feels surreal."  
Under other circumstances, Max might try to offer some reassurance by repeating what the nurse had told him, but since the words he had been given had not sound particularly reassuring to him, he decided not to.

_As they walked towards the neonatal intensive care unit, Anna informed him of Miranda's condition. She told him that even though Miranda was more or less considered full-term in terms of number of weeks, Miranda, with her 5 pounds and 4 ounces was considered a low-weight baby, and her length of 15 inches was very small. Max wouldn't realize how small until he later laid his eyes on little Miranda. The neonatal intensive care area was intimidating with its buzzing activity. At the beginning, all he could see, and hear, were the machines. Heaters, ventilators, and blood pressure, heart rate, temperature, and oxygen monitors. He was attacked by a myriad of beeping sounds, all different alarms for when a value was not right somewhere.  
"It can be a bit daunting the first time," Anna said, smiling at him reassuringly, "but you'll learn to ignore it after a while."   
Max nodded, his eyes taking in the numerous nurses moving around and next he looked at the small plastic containers, enclosed on all sides, except for the round holes on the long sides, two on each side. He could see how the nurses would put their hands through the holes to touch the small babies inside. His heart lurched at the sight of the babies. He remembered how terrified he had been of possibly hurting Joshua, because he had seemed so small. But this was something else entirely. Some of the smallest ones were the length of his underarm and their faces were hidden behind thick tubes._

Seeing the evident distress on his face, Anna said, "The really small ones have undeveloped lungs and need a tube to help them breathe."   
"Miranda?" was all Max was able to say. The sight of the small babies, some not looking quite human in their undeveloped state, was making him nauseous.  
"Her lungs are much more developed, Mr. Evans," Anna answered. "She needs some extra oxygen because at this stage her lungs can't get as much oxygen out of the air as her body needs, but that's only through small plastic tubes attached to her nostrils."  
Max nodded mutely and almost walked into nurse Anna when she suddenly came to a halt next to one of the plastic incubators. He looked at the incubator, looked through the two sheets of hard plastic at the small baby on the other side.   
"Max, meet your daughter."

"Max? Max?"  
He turned to look at Isabel, realizing that he had zoned out again. His sister narrowed her eyes, scrutinizing his weary expression and the gray tone of his skin.  
"Have you slept at all?"  
Max shook his head and opened his mouth to answer, when Maria walked up to them. In the time Max had spent staring at the wall, remembering what had happened the last couple of hours, Maria had gone off to talk to Liz's parents.  
"She's awake."  
He whipped his head around to look at Liz's best friend and he tried to say something, but Maria beat him to it.  
"She's asking for you."

TBC... 

----

For those of you who are not used to the US system;  
5 pounds 4 ounces app. 2380 grams  
15 inches about 38 cm


	56. Chapter 56

**Chapter 56**

The rain was falling heavily outside the window and she automatically pulled her knees closer to her chest. How typical for it to be raining on a day like this. Oddly enough, she had been looking forward to this day, wanting to meet the miniature Liz so badly, but right now she was wishing that Liz had never gotten pregnant. She practically jumped when someone's hand touched the top of her head.  
"God," she sighed when she realized who it was. "Stop sneaking up on people, Michael!"  
"I brought you coffee," Michael answered, sidestepping around her remark. There were many sentences he could retort with, but considering Maria's current emotional state he decided to try and be civil. It was a challenge, but he was confident that he could do it.  
"I don't feel like coffee," Maria murmured.  
Michael shrugged. If she didn't want his coffee, fine with him. Putting the paper cups on the floor next to the window he plopped down opposite her on the windowsill.  
"So, when are we going home?"  
Maria glared at him, which made him narrow his eyes. "What?"

Sighing exasperatedly, she turned to look out the window again, completely ignoring him.  
"Look, visiting hours ended like one hour ago, there's no need to stick around. You won't be able to see her until tomorrow anyway."  
He was tired, worn-down by recent events, having gone through the shock of his life while trying, to his best knowledge, to take care of Liz, and he just wanted to go home and get a nice night's sleep.  
"So leave," Maria said.   
Staring at her profile, Michael struggled to keep his temper in check. But the hours had been too long; the dramas had stretched him too thin. "Fine."  
Standing up, he ripped his jacket off the back of a nearby plastic chair and stormed off.  
With his departure, her tears started to fall, her crying face soon matching the wet surface of the windowpane.

------------------------------------------------------

_Three hours earlier_

He could feel the penetrating gaze of Mr. Parker when he stepped into the room. For some reason, the gaze made him feel like seventeen again, when he had been caught trying to sneak into the house during the early morning hours. But Liz's parents were quickly forgotten when he caught sight of her. More now than before, he was struck by how small she looked in that hospital bed. Vulnerable and tired. Her eyes were closed and he walked up to the bed, slowly, as if afraid of disturbing the sleep the circles under her eyes told that she was in dire need of. He soundlessly pulled up one of the wooden chairs to the bed, and carefully took her hand in his. At that moment, it was only him and her. No nurses. No doctors. No parents. No child. Just Max and Liz. Warm tears floated down the surface of the back of her hand when he tenderly kissed it, mistrusting the hope inside of him, making him tremble slightly.   
"Max…"  
He smiled at her as she whispered his name and then slowly blinked her eyes open.  
"Hey beautiful."  
She returned a weak reflection of his smile.  
"How are you feeling?"   
"Tired," she answered, her smile lingering while her eyes were already drifting closed again.  
"You get some sleep then," Max said.  
She gave a miniscule nod in agreement and her head rolled slightly to the side as the medication and lack of energy from the ordeal pulled her back to a state of unconsciousness.

Max looked up at Jeff and Nancy, feeling as if they were blaming him for putting their daughter in that hospital bed. In a way, he couldn't blame them. He was partly to be held responsible. If he hadn't gotten Liz pregnant, they wouldn't have been here today.  
"How's the baby?"  
Max only partly managed to hide his surprise at Nancy's soft question. He had recognized their list of priorities from when they had rushed into the hospital, with only their daughter on their mind. He had recognized that list because his list had looked similar. His initial need to watch over Liz had smothered the urgency to visit his newborn baby girl.  
He offered them a trying smile. "She's beautiful. Looks just like Liz."  
Tears started to flow down Nancy's cheeks and she smiled through the wet curtain. "Is everything okay with her?"  
Max nodded. "She's slightly small for her age, but her organs seem well developed."   
"I'm sorry."  
The teary, desperate apology made all three adults turn their heads towards Liz, who was now looking at them with wide-open eyes. But her flickering gaze eventually landed on Max, repeating her plea for absolution. "I'm sorry, Max." 

Max hushed her, squeezing her hand tighter while his other hand brushed the hair away from her forehead. "What are you talking about, Liz? You have nothing to be sorry about."  
"I failed her. I was meant to take care of her and protect her and I failed her." Max was shaking his head in disagreement, but Liz continued. "If I hadn't been so stubborn about helping to unpack. If I had only listened to you, she wouldn't have been born this early."   
"Liz," Max said sharply. Her words trailed off and her red-brimmed eyes looked up at him. "We were aware of the risks when we decided to keep the baby. We did everything we could to help the pregnancy. There was nothing more we could do. According to the doctors, it's more common in your situation that babies are born much earlier. You did everything right, Lizzie."  
"I let you down," Liz whispered.  
"No, no," he kissed her forehead, fighting his own tears. "You could never let me down. You amaze me every day, Liz Parker. After everything you've been through, you still have the energy to do this. I was so scared that you…that you would die." Tears now flowing freely down his cheeks, Max cradled her cheek in his hand. "Don't scare me like that again."  
She smiled weakly, kissing the skin of his palm.  
"Is she… is she…"  
Max smiled reassuringly at her. "She's beautiful, Liz. She's a miracle."  
Liz nodded, her smile making her tears shine brightly in her eyes. "Looks just like me, huh?"  
"Yep, just like you."

"_Max, meet your daughter."  
Max looked through the plastic walls of the incubator, his breath caught in apprehension. Miranda was tiny, the small diaper they had put on her seemed almost ridiculously small. She had her eyes closed, her arms aligned along her bare body. Plastic tubes were attached to her nostrils and running across her pink cheeks to supply her with extra oxygen. Electrodes were attached to her chest to monitor her heart rate and blood pressure, and tubes were coming out of her miniscule arms to facilitate blood sampling. But Max saw past all medical equipment and took a close look at his daughter. And he smiled. For the first time since Michael had called him to tell him that Liz was in labor and that he better hurry back, he felt somewhat relieved. Their daughter, the child they had been certain would most probably not survive, was right in front of him; breathing and alive.  
"Would you like to touch her?"  
Max tore his eyes away from Miranda and looked at the nurse, nodding with dumbfounded excitement. Nurse Anna smiled at him and pointed towards a sink. "You need to wash your hands thoroughly first so that you don't bring any bacteria or viruses into the incubator. Her immune system is not that strong yet."_

It was with trembling hands and tears blurring his vision that, two minutes later, he pushed his hands through the round holes. Seeing his hesitation and the way his hands were trembling, Anna smiled softly, a smile completely lost on Max as his complete attention was on the little girl.  
"It's okay. You can touch her."  
The interior of the incubator was warm, helping Miranda to sustain a normal body temperature. Tentatively, Max brushed his fingers against the calf of Miranda's right leg. The mixed sensations of her very soft skin and the realization that her calf was about the same size as his index finger caused his accumulating tears to overflow and venture down his cheeks.  
"Hey honey, it's daddy."  
Anna's smile broadened as she watched the young man lean over the incubator and talk to his baby girl.  
"You sure made a dramatic entrance."

------------------------------------

She woke up from something brushing against her arm and she instantaneously became aware of the numbed state of her legs.  
"God," she murmured and stretched her legs, letting the blood flood back into her limbs, causing her to wince in pain at the prickling sensation.  
"Hey," a soft voice said above her head and she looked up at the person who was responsible for disrupting her weak slumber. He was the most disheveled she'd ever seen him. His hair was pointing in various directions, his clothes were wrinkled, several of the buttons at the top of his shirt unbuttoned, and his face held a ghostly pallor.   
"Hey yourself," Maria mumbled, straightening her legs some more, trying to rouse herself from the heavy weight of sleep.   
"Coffee?"  
She looked at the paper cup he was offering, the tendrils of warm coffee smell teasing her nose. What's up with hospitals and coffee? she wondered silently.  
Accepting the cup, she gave him a weak smile. "Thanks."  
He sat down on the edge of the armchair opposite hers, rubbing his eyes tiredly. His actions drew Maria's attention to the dark purple circles under his eyes.   
"You should get some sleep."  
Max shrugged. "I'm not tired."  
Maria nodded, her eyebrows raised. "Ah." Carefully, she tasted the hot liquid. Scrunching her nose in mild distaste, she put the cup to the side on the small wooden table.  
"Did you come from Liz's room?"  
What a stupid question, she realized as soon as she had uttered the words. It was very likely that he came from Liz's room.

His answer surprised her. "No, Miranda."   
"Oh." Licking her dry lips, she pulled her legs under her body, causing her to sit up straighter. "How is she?"  
"Do you want to meet her?"  
She stared at him with something akin to fear. "No…no… I couldn't."  
"It's okay. As long as I give my approval, and you wash your hands and such, you're allowed in."  
Maria smiled at him, the shock ebbing off. "Max, really. That's really sweet. But… I can't. It would just be weird, you know. I don't want to see Liz's baby before _she_ has even seen her."  
Max nodded. "Okay."  
"But let me know when Liz has seen her, okay? I'm dying to meet Miranda."  
Max offered a weak smile.  
"How's Liz?"  
The question had been burning on her tongue ever since Max woke her up. For some reason, she was afraid to ask, afraid to get bad news, but she couldn't hold herself back any longer.  
"She's tired. Plus the medication they are giving her has a sedative in it."  
"Okay…" Her heart was beating hard. She wanted so badly to visit Liz. Normally, by now she would have been in there, along with Liz's parents. That's how it had always been whenever Liz had been in the hospital during their whole friendship. But now was different. Max was here. She hadn't let her feelings of being pushed out of the way take a hold of her though, because she knew how important it was that Max was by Liz's side right now. Even though it slightly hurt, Liz had asked for Max when she had woken up, not Maria. That didn't stop her from desperately wanting to see Liz.

As if reading her mind, Max said, "She just fell asleep, but you can go in there if you want to. She wants to see you."  
She didn't realize how much she actually cared about Liz needing her until Max uttered those words. Feeling her heart clench, she whispered. "Really?"  
Max smiled at her, seeing the fearful hope in her eyes. "She loves you, Maria, and she misses you. She needs _you_ as well. It doesn't matter how hard I try, some things she just won't discuss with me."   
Maria laughed softly. "You just wouldn't understand anyway. No offense, Max, but you are after all just a man."  
Max almost rolled his eyes at this, but decided against it. "Whatever." 

TBC...


	57. Chapter 57

**Chapter 57**

"Hey Maria."  
The drowsy voice made Maria look up from the magazine. She hadn't been reading; her mind unable to accept that simple distraction. The smile on her childhood friend's face caused Maria's whole body to relax with a sigh of relief.  
"Hey, how are you feeling?"  
Liz's smile was lingering, while desperately trying to keep her eyes open. "Fine," and seeing Maria's disbelief she corrected herself, "Better."  
"And they call me the 'drama queen'," Maria said, seemingly out of the blue. The odd look from Liz prompted her to elaborate. "I mean, couldn't you for once have done something without adding so much drama to it?"  
Liz clasped Maria's hand, which was resting on the edge of the bed. "Sorry, Maria. I didn't mean to steal your thunder."  
Her voice was soft and coated with understanding. Maria shook her head, still amazed by how well they knew each other and how easily they could read the underlying meanings. Even before Maria had understood why she had said what she had just said, Liz had heard the hidden fear.  
"Don't do it again," Maria mumbled and Liz squeezed her hand.  
"I won't."  
Silence lowered itself over them as Maria unconsciously let her thoughts wander, and Liz fell into a semi-slumber.  
"You know, he's really a great guy."  
Liz forced her eyes open and scanned Maria's face. "Who?"  
"Max."   
Warmth spread itself throughout Liz's body, adoring her cheeks with a blush. "Yeah..."  
"I always knew there was someone better out there waiting for you. I mean, come on, _Kevin_?"  
Liz laughed softly. "Yeah, I never believed Kevin was the one either."

Maria stroked some hair away from Liz's forehead, looking at her with motherly protectiveness. "You look pale. Are you sure you feel okay?"   
"I'm just tired."  
Maria nodded, wanting desperately to believe her. As Maria's concern grew thicker, weighing down on her, Liz decided to change the topic. "Maria, how _is_ Max?"  
Maria debated if she should tell Liz the truth or not. She didn't want to, unnecessarily, put an extra burden on Liz's already weakened shoulders.  
"Maria, please…"  
Maria mustered up a smile and stood up to tuck the blanket closer around Liz's body. "It's so typical you, Liz, to worry about someone else when _you_ are the one that just had a run in with death."  
Liz managed to grab Maria's restless hand, demanding Maria's attention with her tight hold. However, it was the trepidation in Liz's eyes that forced Maria to capitulate. "He's doing fine, Liz."  
"You're lying," Liz said without hesitation. "I've seen Max. He's not doing fine."  
"Then why are you asking me?"  
"I want to hear it from your perspective. He's putting up a good front when he's with me, but I know that something's up."  
"Liz," Maria sat down again. "You almost died. Of course he's not doing well."  
Liz turned her face to the side, but not before Maria saw the tear slide down her cheek and she immediately regretted her wording. "It's not your fault, Lizzie. You couldn't prevent it."  
"That's what Max said," Liz said bitterly.  
"He's right. He doesn't blame you. No one blames you, Liz, so stop feeling guilty. Liz? Look at me!" Reluctantly, Liz looked into Maria's green eyes. "It. Was. Not. Your. Fault."

"I know that," Liz whispered and Maria almost huffed, not the slightest convinced.  
"Knowing you, you will continue to blame yourself, so there's not much I can do about that. But know this, no one else thinks this was your fault. It was completely out of your hands, Liz. You can't affect nature. You should be happy that Miranda is alive. According to Max, she's doing really well."  
"I know, I know," Liz said weakly. "I am happy. It's just…"   
"What Liz?" Maria asked as Liz sighed.  
"I just feel so hopeless…"  
The tiredness combined with the trauma she had been through caused her emotions to run into overdrive and Liz was incapable of preventing the tears from running down her cheeks.  
"Liz…" Maria said softly.  
"I can't do anything. I just lay here."  
She was sobbing now, not even having the strength to wipe the tears off her face.  
Maria opened her purse and hauled up a package of tissues, pulling out three that she handed to Liz. But seeing the total weariness in the Liz's movements, Maria decided to wipe Liz's cheeks herself.   
"You're here to get well so that you can take care of your baby."  
Your baby. Those two simple words caused Liz's sobs to intensify and it was at this point, as Maria was dabbing Liz's face with tissues, that Max entered the room.  
"Liz?" 

Cursing softly under her breath, Maria turned her head and looked up at Max standing behind her. This was really nothing Max needed to witness at this point. Maria might not know Max very well, but she could recognize a person on the edge of a nervous breakdown when she saw it. She took a deep breath as she realized that she was the only collected person at that moment, maybe even the only sane person however weird that might sound, and she was the one that would have to divert the situation away from a possible catastrophe.   
Keeping her voice light and casual, Maria addressed Max. "She's fine. She just needed to get something off her chest."  
"Are you feeling worse?" Max asked, leaning over Liz.  
Max's alarm was so tangible Maria could feel it physically weighing down on her. If _she_ felt it, what was it then doing to Liz, who was already close to a breakdown? Maria decided she needed to stop this right now. Standing up, she took a hold of Max's upper arms and, with more force than she had anticipated, pulled Max away from Liz separating their hands.  
"Maria, what…" But before Max had a chance to finish his protest, Maria cut in.  
"I know that you are worried about Liz, but I was actually talking to my best friend here. We can handle it without you, Max. We were talking and she just got a little upset. But she will be fine. She just needs to cry it out. Right, Liz?"  
Maria gave Liz a pointed look and Liz sniffle out a consensus. "Yes, Max. I'll be okay."  
Max looked back and forth between the most important woman in his life and her childhood friend, finding it very difficult to listen to either when every fiber of his being was telling him to stay with Liz. Taking a closer look at Liz, he made up his mind and pulled out of Maria's grip. He cradled Liz's cheek, his thumb brushing against the dampness of her cheek and he was too engrossed in his concern for Liz to hear Maria's exasperated sigh behind him.

"Why are you crying?"  
Liz leaned into his hand feeling comforted but simultaneously oddly agitated by his presence. Liz looked up at him and saw the dark circles under his eyes, the haunted look in his eyes and the ashen color of his skin. She swallowed, tormented by the dilemma of wanting him close and wanting to protect him. She realized that at the moment, having him close and simultaneously protecting him was not possible.  
"I just need a few more minutes with Maria."  
He blinked, surprise washing over his face. "Are you sure?"  
She nodded bravely, fighting against the need to have him put his arms around her and pull her against his chest, where she felt safe.  
He offered her a small encouraging smile. "Don't cry, okay?"  
She nodded again, not trusting her voice enough to speak any longer. He leaned closer and brushed his lips against hers, tasting the saltiness of her tears on the soft skin. Before she had the chance to fall into his kiss he was gone, giving her a lingering look when he reached the doorway.  
Maria decided to break the staring contest. "Okay, Max. Enough. Leave already."  
The air changed around Liz and he was gone.

Determination quickly replaced the sobs as Liz turned towards Maria. "Maria, I need a favor."  
"Anything, babe."  
"Take care of Max for me, would you?"  
It was not so much her request, but the way she said it that unnerved Maria. "Are you sure you want to leave that responsibility to me? I'm not really known for my expertise in looking after people."  
"Maria, I know you better than anyone. And if there's anyone that would make sure that Max is sleeping and eating, it would be you. You're the smartest and kindest person I know."  
Maria smiled softly at her words, a blush spreading over her fair skin.  
"If you don't, I know where you live," Liz added.  
Maria laughed, rolling her eyes. "You're such a dork. But that's why I love you. Of course, Liz. I'll look after your man for you. I think this is the best assignment I've ever received. He's not exactly hard on the eyes."  
"Okay, don't get too excited now," Liz warned. "I still want Max back un-traumatized after being in your care."  
"Dork," Maria repeated, but her being was tingling with happiness. The person in the bed in front of her was not just a pale, weak patient any longer. She was steadily materializing into Liz, and Maria couldn't have been happier.

----------------------------------------------

"Hello smelly!"  
Max looked up at Maria as she sat down next to him on the fairly comfortable blue couch.  
"Uhm…hi?"   
"No, but seriously," Maria continued, scrunching her nose, "You smell pretty bad, Max."  
"I don't," Max protested weakly, gazing over Maria's head towards Liz's room, his thoughts constantly on the person on the other side of that sky blue door.  
Maria snapped her fingers in front of his face, causing him to divert his eyes to her face. "Hey, focus!"   
Sighing tiredly, Max rubbed his hands over his face. His voice came out muffled hidden behind his hands. "What do you want, Maria?"  
"When was the last time you took a shower?"  
Max's rubbing movements stopped and he peered at the blonde pixie through his fingers. "Maria, what the hell are you talking about?"  
Maria looked at him with understanding patience and repeated slowly. "You. Smelly. Shower."  
"Is Liz still awake? Is she feeling better?"  
"Nah-uh, don't think you can just change the topic. _I_ think that we should get up, walk out to my car, drive to your place and you can take a shower, maybe even a nap. And maybe, just maybe, we can get you back into looking like a respectable young man again. Because, Max sweetie, this is starting to get embarrassing."  
"I'm fine, Maria. I don't need to go home."  
"My nose says differently."

Max stood up and Maria looked up at him expectantly. Was it really going to be that easy? But before she had a chance to stand up herself, Max had turned and was walking into the direction of Liz's room.  
"Where are you going?" Maria whined. Why couldn't Max _for once_ listen to what she was saying?  
"To see Liz," Max answered simply.  
"She's asleep," Maria said to his back in a futile attempt to make him turn around. But if she knew Max correctly, he would want to see for himself that Liz was really asleep. Sure enough, Max continued to walk as if Maria hadn't even opened her mouth. She was just about to start running to catch up with Max, when she saw the door open and a nurse come out. The nurse stopped Max in the doorway, shaking her head sympathetically.  
"I'm sorry, Mr. Evans, but visiting hours are over."  
"Oh…"   
Maria couldn't help but feel bad for Max when she saw his body slump as hope of seeing Liz one more time tonight left him. She put her hand on his shoulder, lending him whatever support she could.   
"How is she? She's alright?"  
The nurse nodded. "Yes, she's getting much better. She's asleep now." The nurse took in Max's tired appearance and gave him an encouraging smile. "You should get some sleep too."  
They watched the nurse walk off.  
"Come on, Max, let's get you home."  
"I can stay here," Max answered. The hospital had some visiting rooms where Max had been spending the last days.  
"Max, you heard the nurse. Liz is doing better. There's nothing more you can do here tonight. You should go home, get something to eat, take a shower and get some sleep. Okay?"  
Max considered it for a minute, before reluctantly nodding.

-------------------------------------------------------

Maria switched off the engine and looked over at Max. He was asleep, snoring with his head resting against the car window. Maria shook her head to herself.  
"Not tired, huh?" she said quietly with a smile before grabbing a hold of Max's shirt-clad bicep and giving it a shake. "Max?"  
She hadn't fully realized how tired he was until she had to wake him up. He wouldn't respond at all so she shook him harder, saying his name louder. It was not until she was basically yelling at him to wake up that his eyes sprung open, looking at Maria with such horror that she immediately regretted having woken him up.  
"What's wrong?" he gasped.  
"Nothing, nothing," Maria assured, her voice soft in order to try and calm him down. "We're home."  
"Oh," Max said, blinking as he looked out the windscreen at the house. It was his house with Liz. Sadness captured him and he swallowed. She's not dead. She's not dead.  
"Max?"   
He closed his eyes, fighting the demons from his past and future. He took a deep breath. "Okay."  
"Okay," Maria said. She watched him unfasten his seatbelt and open the car door, and the determination, close to desperation, in Liz's request took on a new meaning. As Max made his way out of the car, Maria could see what Liz saw. She could see the fear Max was harboring. The fear that Liz would die, just like his former wife had. She tore her eyes away from Max and opened her own door to get out.

As they were walking up the driveway, Maria remembered that she had forgotten her purse in the car.  
"Uhm, I forgot something in the car. I'll catch up with you."  
Max nodded and pulled out the house keys from his pocket. As he inserted the key into the lock and turned, he realized that it was already unlocked. He stared at the door, his breathing growing shallower as he tried to remember if he had forgotten to lock the door. Just as he had reconciled with the thought that he had probably forgotten to lock, a noise from inside the house echoed down the stairs, reaching his tired ears and sudden fear caused adrenaline to pump out in his veins. Someone was in the house.

TBC...


	58. Chapter 58

Oh my God, I just realized that I've forgotten to update chapter 58 of this story. I came here to update chapter 59 and saw that I only had 57 chapters. I'm so sorry!

**alvernogrl** and **Brieepbreee** – Thank you SO much for your feedback!!

**Chapter 58**

Maria frowned as she saw Max's immobile form in front of the door, keys inserted into the lock.  
"You okay?"  
He turned around so quickly that Maria gasped.  
"Maria," he breathed.  
Maria stared at his hand that had grabbed a hold of hers. "Yes?"  
"Go back to the car, okay?"  
Maria looked at him, confused and concerned. "What's going on?"  
"I think someone's in the house," Max whispered, already pulling on her arm to get her moving towards the car.  
"What?!" Maria hissed. "Like a burglar?"  
"I don't know."  
Max was looking over his shoulder, afraid that the person inside had heard him turning the key in the lock or something. He had to get Maria to safety. He pulled the car keys from Maria's unresponsive hands and unlocked the car. Within seconds Max had opened the door and pushed Maria in. With a 'wait here' he closed the door, leaving Maria too look after him in fear. She opened her purse and pulled out her cell phone. Her fingers were shaking so badly that she had to dial the number twice. How could a three-digit number be so difficult to master?

Max carefully pushed the door open. He listened intently for more sounds, but the rhythmic sound of his heart thudding in his ears was making it very difficult to hear anything. He tried to decide what to do in a situation like this, compiling information from the numerous criminal shows he had watched over the years in his head. The person in the shows being in Max's position would usually decide to yell out 'Who's there?', 'Hello?' or something similar, something that had always struck Max as slightly careless. He had no intention of revealing that he was there. As his feet moved slowly across the wooden floor he realized that it might've just been better if he had called the police. What was he doing walking into the house on his own? The intruders could be armed. There could be several of them. He wouldn't stand a chance. He heard a sound behind him and he quickly spun on his heels, his heart lurching up into his throat. Fighting the desire to call out 'Who's there?', he fearfully watched the shadow from the intruder spread across the floor.  
"Mommy?"   
"Oh my God," he breathed. Out of the shadows walked a little girl, the familiar voice rapidly followed by a face.  
"Uncle Max?"

He fell to his knees, his mind quickly figuring the rest out. For some reason, Isabel was in the house with Michelle. There was no other explanation to why Michelle would be here. He opened his arms in invitation and Michelle happily ran into them. She hadn't seen her uncle in a couple of days and she missed him.   
"Sweetie, what are you doing here?" Max asked into her golden curls.  
Before Michelle could answer, an "Oh shit!" came from upstairs. Max looked up and saw Michael standing at the top of the stairs.   
"Michael?" He rose, bringing Michelle with him, who naturally put her legs around his waist and tightened her arms around his neck. "What are you doing here?"  
Michael coughed and plastered a surprised smile on his face. "Max? Fancy meeting you here."  
"It's my house," Max said. "Is Isabel here too?"  
Michael nodded, starting a descent down the stairs. "Uhm, yeah. Isabel is here."   
"What are you guys doing here?"  
Michael came to stand in front of Max and offered his hands. "Here, I can take her."  
Michelle's hold on her uncle grew firmer and she whispered into Max's ear, "I's want to be wid Uncle Max."  
"It's okay, I've got her," Max said to Michael. "How did you get in here? I'm pretty sure I locked the door."  
Michael looked guilty and absent-mindedly scratched his head. "I was given an extra key and I keep forgetting to give it to you."  
Max reminded himself that the previous owner of the house had been Michael's work colleague so the explanation was highly plausible. "So what are you doing here?"  
"We bwuilding house for the baby," Michelle answered.

Michael looked at Michelle with an expression of being caught in the act, and he laughed nervously. "He he, she's funny that one." He ruffled Michelle's hair, which only resulted in Michelle burying her head further into Max's neck. She hated when people messed up her hair. Like mother like daughter. "Where do they get everything from these days?"  
Max narrowed his eyes and looked past Michael up the stairs. Raising his voice, he directed his question to the second floor. "Isabel?"  
"Come, Uncle Max. I's show the way."  
"Thank you, Michelle," Max said, giving Michael a long look. Michael was staring at Michelle, his eyes spelling out _Traitor_.  
As the first floor had been immersed in darkness, the second floor was bathing in light. He could hear voices from the round tower room.   
"Over dere," Michelle announced, pointing towards the room.  
"Thanks spunk," Max murmured.  
He pushed the half-open door fully open and to his surprise found Isabel standing in front of one of the walls with a paint brush in hand. Having heard her daughter's voice, Isabel turned and met Max's eyes.

"Oh Max," she burst out, looking down at the paint brush in her hand and the green paint buckets on the plastic covered floor. She made a futile attempt at moving in front of the buckets so that she would be hiding them, something that in retrospect would strike her as a ridiculous thing to do. "What are you doing here?"  
"What are _you_ doing?" Max countered.  
Isabelle looked between her daughter and her brother, and sighed. "It was supposed to be a surprise. With you spending so much time at the hospital, we wanted to prepare Miranda's room so that you wouldn't have to worry about that when you got home."  
"Suppise!" Michelle exclaimed, throwing her hands up in the air with a smile stretching from one ear to the next.  
Both Max and Isabel burst out laughing and Max kissed the top of Michelle's head. "Thank you." Looking over at this big sister, he repeated with emphasis. "Thank you."  
Isabelle shied away from Max's gratitude and looked at the half-painted wall. "Do you like the color?"  
Max looked up at the wall and the dark cyan color. He had in a predictable fashion imagined Miranda's room to be pink but he had to admit this color was fantastic in its uniqueness. "It's great, Isabel."  
Isabel shone up. "Really? Guess who picked it."   
Before Max had a chance to guess, Michelle slid down his leg while broadcasting, "I did! I did! I pick color!"  
"You did?" Max asked, smiling broadly.  
She looked up at him expectantly. "You like?"  
"I love it, Shelly. _Thank you_."  
Michelle began to jump up and down with joy. "Yaaay!!"

Max stepped up to Isabel and pulled her into a hug, placing a kiss on her cheek in the process.   
"Max," Isabel half-complained. "I'm covered in paint."  
Ignoring her statement, Max hugged her harder. "It's really great, Isabel. I don't know what to say."  
"You don't have to say anything," Isabel answered.  
She looked at him closely when he stepped back. "Max, god, you look exhausted."   
"I'm fine," Max answered with a soft smile, appreciating her concern but still being positive that he was not as tired as everyone kept claiming him to be. Her statement had Max thinking about why he was here and by association on Maria.  
Grimacing he put his hand to his forehead. "Oh no, Maria."  
"What about Maria?"  
"She's out in the car, probably talking to the police right now."  
Isabel looked at him in bewilderment. "The police?"  
Just then the ear piercing sound of sirens could be heard in the distance. Chuckling slightly at the absurdity of the situation, Max helplessly shook his head. "I heard you inside and thought that I was being robbed."  
"Ooh…"   
As the sound of the sirens grew in intensity, Michelle placed her hands over her ears and said loudly. "Wad's dat noise?"   
Isabelle pried one of Michelle's hands off her ear and grabbed it. "Come pumpkin, let's go downstairs."  
This was shaping up to be an interesting night.

------------------------------------------------------

_Next day_

His body was aligned with hers, his head resting on her shoulder, his left leg covering her right and his arm positioned securely across her waist. He felt her fingers tighten around his as she gradually left the state of sleep behind her.  
"Hey," she whispered, looking down into his eyes. He smiled at her and stretched up to give her a morning kiss.  
"Good morning. How are you feeling?"  
"Much better now," Liz answered, her fingers unconsciously brushing the hair away from his forehead. He looked much better today and she reminded herself that she had to thank Maria later. "How are _you_ doing?"  
"I miss you," Max answered.  
She nodded. "I miss you too."   
Looking up into her eyes, he said, "I have something to tell you."  
She smiled. "What's that?"  
"If you're feeling up to it, the doctor has given you permission to see Miranda today."

For a few seconds, she was at loss of words and then she nodded, fresh tears of hope shining in her eyes.  
"Would you like that?" Max wondered, tightening his grip around her hand.   
She nodded again. "Yes…Yes."  
She looked over at the door and then back at Max. "Can we go now?"  
Max laughed softly at her impatience. "I think that could be arranged."  
He could feel her trembling underneath his body, but he knew it was a good tremble. The type of trembles that stem from barely contained restlessness and excitement. He remained still next to her for another couple of seconds, reveling in being close to her again, before he rose. "I'll be right back."  
She nodded. He held onto her hand until the last possible second, when their fingertips finally brushed against each other before being separated by air.   
"Be right back," he repeated.

Five minutes later, he was back with a nurse and a wheelchair.  
"Ready for a walk?"  
He pulled the sheet away from her body and gathered her frail body in his arms.  
"Yes," she answered and let herself be lowered into the wheelchair. She reached her hand over her shoulder and Max grabbed it, kissing the back of it.  
"Don't worry, Liz, she's beautiful."  
Liz smiled. She knew that. She already loved Miranda deeply. Now she was ready to meet her.

TBC...


	59. Chapter 59

I just updated chapter 58 as well. So if you've reached this chapter without reading chapter 58, I suggest you go back one step.

Thank you for reading…

**Chapter 59**

"Would you like to hold her?" nurse Anna asked.

"Could I?" Liz asked worriedly, looking at the extremely small baby on the other side of the hard plastic box.

She glanced at Max and he gave her an encouraging smile. He hadn't been given the opportunity to hold Miranda yet so Liz being offered to hold her daughter must be a good sign. It had to mean that Miranda was getting stronger. Yesterday they had removed the tubes in her nose that were supplying her with extra oxygen, which meant that she was healthy enough to breathe on her own.

"Of course," Anna answered.

"But doesn't she have to be in the incubator?" What if she hurt her daughter in any way?

Anna shook her head. "The purpose of the incubator is to keep Miranda warm because she doesn't have enough body fat to do it on her own. But if you take her out of there, we will put a cap on her head and put her under your gown so that she can get direct body warmth from you."

"Oh…" was all Liz could say.

"Do you want to hold her?" Anna repeated, smiling warmly.

Liz stared at Miranda, a myriad of feelings bubbling inside of her. She was so close to hold her. Her baby. Her answer was barely audible. "Yes."

Max had already instructed Liz to wash her hands, so all they had to do was to lift Miranda out of the incubator. The small body shivered as the cool air of the outside environment hit her and she stirred in her sleep. Staring at Miranda without blinking, Liz started pulling on the hospital gown. Max saw what she was trying to do and quickly helped to loosen the bow which was holding her gown together at the back. Liz smiled 'thank you' as he helped to pull the gown down her shoulder.

Liz's breath got caught in her throat as Anna placed Miranda against her breast, guiding the small legs into the gown, aligning Miranda's body diagonally across Liz's stomach. As Liz stared down at Miranda, Anna fetched a blanket and put it around Liz and the baby. She gave Max a small white cap with blue ducks on it and Max awkwardly put it on Miranda's head. Miranda moved slightly and Liz expelled the breath she hadn't been aware she had been holding.

"She's beautiful," she whispered and looked up at Max.

Max smiled at her, tears forming in his eyes. Liz didn't grant Max many seconds as she quickly returned her gaze to their daughter. She gently ran her finger over the small nose, over one cheek and watched how Miranda would reflexively turn towards her mother's finger, making sucking movements with her pink lips. A plastic tube was tracing Miranda's cheek and the end was taped to the side of her head. At her confused expression, Max explained to her that it was a nasogastric tube used for food. Miranda's right hand was fisted up against Liz's breast and Liz carefully traced the thin arm, encircled the wrist with her index finger and gently pried the fingers apart so that she could look at each individual finger. 

"Look at her nails," Liz said quietly, mostly to herself. The nails were the size of a third of a sunflower seed and her own nail looked gigantic next to Miranda's.

Miranda's lack of body fat became obvious as Liz looked further down Miranda's body and saw the motion of her heart beating against the fragile ribcage, producing a rapid rhythmic rise and fall of the skin. Max watched the interaction between Liz and Miranda, occasionally pulling the blanket closer around his two girls as he imagined the air growing increasingly chillier around them.

They stayed like that for another half an hour, Max kneeling next to Liz's wheelchair and Liz hugging Miranda protectively against her skin. But even though Liz was trying to fight it, and hide it, Max could see that she was growing increasingly tired.

"Are you okay?" he asked her gently and she met his eyes, her gaze tired but happy.

"Yes," she answered.

Anna, seeing how Liz was fighting to keep her eyes open and understanding how difficult it was for Liz to leave Miranda, decided to intervene and take the decision out of the couple's hands so that they didn't have to feel guilty about leaving.

"I think Miranda is a little hungry," Anna said. "Would you like to feed her?"

If she let Liz do something, Liz was more likely to stay awake and she would have more peace of mind when she had to leave.

"How…uhm…what…" 

Liz knew how babies were fed, but this wasn't a normal baby. She also knew that the nurses had been instructing her on how to mechanically pump milk out of her breast that would be used to feed her child. She wasn't sure how it worked from there though. 

Reading her hesitation and confusion, Anna explained, "A syringe with your breast milk will be attached to this tube," she pointed at the tube that was taped to the side of Miranda's head, "and then we will just push the milk into the tube. The tube goes through her esophagus, down to her stomach."

Liz grimaced. It sounded horrible. It must be so uncomfortable for Miranda to have that tube down her nose. But she didn't say anything, merely nodded her interest in trying to help feed Miranda.

Anna prepared the syringe and attached it to the tube. Liz looked up at Max worriedly.

"Do you want me to do it?" Max asked.

Suddenly Liz felt ridiculous. This was her child. Of course she could press down on a simple syringe. "No, I'll do it."

As she was about to press down, Miranda opened her eyes and looked up at Liz. Liz sucked in her breath as she met the blue-grey eyes.

"Hello," she whispered. "Max…"

Max wordlessly squeezed Liz's hand and kissed the side of her head.

"It's true," Liz said wistfully.

"What is?" Max asked.

"That all babies have blue eyes," Liz answered.

"It appears so," Max said.

Her eyes not leaving Miranda's, who was staring intently at Liz as if she wanted to tell her mother something important, Liz pressed on the syringe and pushed milk into Miranda's stomach.

Feeding didn't take very long. Miranda was soon fast asleep again and, as Max was soon to realize, Liz was almost asleep as well.

"Lizzie?" 

"Mhmm," she murmured, blinking heavily.

"Let's get some sleep," Max said.

Liz reluctantly looked down at Miranda's slumbering countenance. She wasn't really that tired. She could stay. Wouldn't it be better if Miranda just continued sleeping here, in her arms?

"You can come back later," Anna said.

Liz looked between Anna's friendly face and her sleeping daughter.

"Okay," she said, disappointment clinging to her voice.

Anna leaned down and with united efforts Liz, Max and Anna got Miranda out of the warm cocoon Liz had created. During the air flight from her mother to the incubator, Miranda woke up. What was first small disapproving sobs quickly turned into full out crying. Liz felt the sudden urge to grab Miranda from Anna's hands as she put the screaming Miranda into the incubator, but Max's hand on her shoulder stopped her. 

"What's wrong?" Liz wondered worriedly.

"She just woke up," Max answered.

Fierce protectiveness over his daughter had put its claws into Max as well as his daughter's screams had filled the air, but having had experience with babies before he could more easily control that instinctive need to rescue Miranda than what Liz, who hadn't had any experience with newborns, could.

"She's okay?" Liz asked, frightened for her daughter's well-being. 

"She's fine," Anna answered and as if Miranda wanted to confirm this, she settled down as the warmth of the interior quickly lulled her back to sleep.

"I'm not really that tired," Liz said and yawned. "I could stay for a little while longer."

"Liz," Max said, "Anna will take good care of Miranda and she will be here when you have gotten some sleep."

"You can come and visit any time," Anna said.

"Really?" 

"Yes," Anna answered. "If I'm not here, someone else will be." 

"Thank you," Liz said.

"Let's get you in bed," Max said, helping to tie Liz's gown back together. Liz was asleep before Max had taken off the breaks of the wheelchair.

------------------------------------------------

It was a week later before Liz was considered well enough to go home. She had spent most of that week sleeping and spending time with Miranda. It was with great sadness that she was wheeled out of her room, feeling like she was leaving her heart behind.

Max, seeing her lost expression, said reassuringly, "We'll visit her everyday."

"I know," Liz said, trying to offer him a smile. "It just won't be the same."

Max kissed her temple and she smiled despite her grey feelings. At least she was going home with Max. She had missed him.

Max wasn't able to get anymore days off work and had to go to work the next morning, but Liz would most certainly be spending most of her days at the hospital anyway. It was an unspoken agreement. Liz would look after Miranda when Max couldn't and Max would join her after work.

Forty minutes later, Max carried Liz across the threshold to their house. She had fallen asleep during the car trip and Max didn't have the heart to wake her up. She still needed as much sleep as possible. The doctors had ruled her physically well, but anyone could see that she was emotionally drained. As he pushed the door open further with his foot, his eyes opened wide at the sight of Maria with her mouth open wide, just about to say – make that yell – something.

"Maria," Max whispered in warning which fortunately put a stop to Maria's outcry.

However, it wasn't enough to stop Michelle, who exclaimed; "SUPPISE!!"

Max sighed and rolled his eyes as Maria turned around and hushed the little girl. "Michelle, Liz is asleep; you have to be a bit quiet now."

"She's awake now," Liz murmured against Max's chest and Max looked down at her, mouthing 'sorry'. He lowered her feet to the floor and slightly wobbly with sleep, Liz stepped up to Maria and pulled her into a hug.

"Sorry, Liz," Maria said, "Maybe I should've told Max about this so that he could've warned us that you had fallen asleep."

"That's okay," Liz reassured.

She smiled as small arms wrapped around her knees and looked down at Michelle. The blonde girl was looking up at her with an insecure expression, silently wondering if Liz was mad at her for having been woken up.

Liz kneeled down, wincing slightly at the pain that lingered from the surgery, and looked at Michelle seriously. "Don't I get a hug?" 

Michelle brightened and flung her arms around Liz's neck with such force that Liz fell slightly backwards.

"Michelle," Max warned, "Be careful."

"It's okay, Max," Liz said, hugging the small body close. "Now, tell me Michelle, what _is_ the surprise?"

Michelle pulled away, her eyes and mouth round as she gestured excitedly with her arms in the air, about to spill it all.

"Shelley, remember what we decided?"

Liz looked up at Michael to witness a silent communication between the three-year-old and the twenty-six year old, which resulted in Michelle biting her lower lip and shaking her head at Liz. "I's can't tell Liz." Distracted by Liz's flattened stomach, Michelle curiously changed the topic of conversation. "Baby is not in Liz's tummy any longer. Where did it go?"

Isabel emerged from the shadows and sat down next to her daughter. Giving Liz a quick apology, she turned to her daughter. "Michelle, remember that I told you that the baby came out from Liz's tummy?"

Michelle nodded seriously. "But where is it?"

Max put a consoling hand on Liz's shoulder, sensing the inner turmoil, as he stepped up behind her and answered Michelle, "The baby is still in the hospital."

Michelle's forehead folded in three creases. "Why?"

"The doctors are looking after her, honey," Isabel answers.

"Does the baby has a tummy ache?"

Last time Michelle had been sick with a stomachache, her worried mother had taken her to the doctor.

"Something like that," Max answered.

Michelle's face contorted in concern. "But…but…she's dere all alone."

Alex picked this moment to interfere, seeing the obvious guilt cross over Liz's face, and scooped his daughter into his arms.

"Come on, Shell-bell, let's show Liz the surprise."

The baby temporarily forgotten, Michelle animatedly clapped her hands together. "Yay!!"

Max put an arm around Liz and helped her to her feet. "You okay?"

Shaking the feelings off her, she nodded and mustered up a smile. "Yeah… I'm fine." 

He was still looking at her worriedly. "There's nothing we can do. She is best off at the hospital."

"I know that," Liz swallowed.

Max pulled her into a hug, "Come here." Liz sighed against his chest, letting him hold her and comfort her while their friends patiently waited at the base of the stairs. Well, almost all of them were waiting patiently.

"Uuuncle Maaax!"

"I think she wants our attention," Liz mumbled with a smile in her voice.

Max gently kissed her forehead and sighed, "Becoming more and more like her mother every day."

Max grabbed Liz's hand and together they walked towards the stairs. While passing Isabel, his sister said to him, "I heard that."

Max just smiled, which made Isabel breathe easier. For not the first time, and most definitely not the last, she had to admit to herself that Liz had done wonders in her brother's life. The upcoming surprise was just a miniscule sign of her gratitude to Liz for bringing Max back from his dance on the edge of death.

---------------------------------------------------

All she could do was to sigh as the melancholy, which had been hovering on the outskirts of her consciousness since she came home, took a firmer grip on her. She wanted to go back to the hospital, wanted to go back and visit her daughter. With sadness, and numerous other emotions she didn't even dare to name, she watched the water turn slightly white as it ran in rivulets over her swollen breasts. She bit her lower lip, harder than she was aware of, as she tried to muffle the sorrow. She closed her eyes and hung her head, leaning her body forward while her weight was supported by her hands on the tiled wall, letting the water cascade around her heavily.

She couldn't imagine having to live like this for at least a month, awaiting the homecoming of her daughter. She didn't want to be separated from Miranda, but everyone in the medical staff had assured her that it would be better if she went home and got some rest in her own bed. They had assured her that she could visit Miranda during the days.

She directed her face into the stream of water and let her tears be washed away. It wasn't enough. Seeing Miranda once or twice during the day wasn't enough. It didn't matter that she could stay there for as long as she wanted to. It wasn't the same. 

Her hands brushed over her full breasts and she wondered what it would feel like to breast-feed her daughter. It was a normal part of being a mother that she had always taken for granted. Even though they had been prepared for a difficult pregnancy, she had never thought that she would have to watch her milk flow down a tube that disappeared into the nose of her baby. There was nothing natural about it.

She gave a start as she felt arms slide around her waist. She swallowed the tears, trying to regain composure.

"Max, you have to stop scaring me like that."

She cursed her voice for trembling, suspecting that Max had picked up on it when his arms tightened around her, flushing her back against his front. Her body gasped in response to having him so close, feeling every inch of his front against her back, and her eyes unconsciously drifted closed. Thanks to their proximity, she was certain he could feel her quiver as he pressed his lips against the side of her neck, softly and ever so gently trailing down the tense muscles.

"How are you feeling?"

Her breathing was becoming shallower and she struggled to answer him evenly. "I'm okay."

His hands shimmed over her stomach, fuller now as a result of the pregnancy. "Do you miss her?"

She dropped her eyes, looking down at where his hands were lovingly positioned on the place where Miranda had been residing just ten days ago. At her silence, he rested his chin on her shoulder and wrapped his arms around her upper arms, his underarms slightly pressing against the swell of her breasts. Detached, Liz noticed the stark contrast of Max's dark tanned bronze skin against her fair, almost white, skin. The sight caused a shiver to tickle down her spine and her head leaned backwards, coming to rest against his chest.

"I didn't know it would be this hard," she said softly.

He replied by kissing her temple. She closed her eyes and continued, "I thought the pregnancy was going to be the worst part. But this is worse. She might still…what if she…and I'm not going to be there."

Max's arms loosened around her just enough to turn her around in the circle of his arms. The sobs got caught in her throat as golden eyes met chocolate brown.

"Stop that right now," he said quietly, but with such intensity that she hiccupped on the restrained sobs. "She's going to be fine. Nothing's going to happen to her."

She wasn't convinced. She wanted to believe him, so desperately. But she didn't dare to. So she averted her eyes, staring at the blue tile to the right of his broad chest.

"Liz," he said and some of the firmness had regressed to give room to tenderness. His hand gripped the base of her chin and he forced her to look at him. "You were bleeding so much in the beginning that I was constantly prepared to hear that she had died." He winced at the sounds of her sobs as they stumbled over her lips. "I was living in terror - every day - that she would be taken away from us." 

"I know," she sobbed quietly. She had felt the same way, and she had been next to him during those endless nights when nightmares had prevented him from getting any sleep at all.

He bent down somewhat to catch her eyes, which she kept conveniently directed away from him. "I don't know how she did it, but she hung on. Baby, she's a fighter. Just like you."

She gave a humorless laugh, raising her head to look at him. Max smiled at her softly, his fingers caressing the side of her face, her neck, her arm. "She's going to get through this. I've never been so sure of anything in my life."

She smiled tentatively. "You really think that?"

Unable to resist the temptation any longer, he captured her wet, trembling lips with his, mumbling into her mouth. "Yes."

The kiss was deepened when Liz responded and with a groan Max steadied her head, pushing his fingers through her wet hair. Liz whimpered; a sound that was almost Max's undoing. He could never resist her. Would never be able to resist her. But now he had to. They couldn't take it further, not yet. Reluctantly, and earning a moan of disappointment from Liz, he pulled away, resting his forehead against hers as he willed his heart, and other parts of his body, to calm down.

"I love you," she whispered and Max looked down at her, momentarily fascinated by how the water drops would cling to her dark eye-lashes before the weight would dislodge them and have them tumbling down her flushed cheeks.

"I love you more," he answered with a smirk that elicited a laugh from her.

She shook her head stubbornly, "No, _I_ love you more."

She gasped in surprise as his lips entrapped her earlobe. His murmured reply caused tickling vibrations to scurry over her ear, down the skin of the side of her face and neck. "No, I-" 

"Prove it," she whispered heatedly.

He pulled back to look at her. "Is that a challenge?"

She bit her bottom lip, blushing under the raw desire in his gaze and, as her voice failed her, she simply nodded. His look alone was turning her into a quivering mass of jelly and she struggled for her next breath. He moved closer, his body inching her body backwards until she was pressed up against the wall. She gulped as the coldness of the tiles made contact with the heat of her skin.

"Liz, we have to stop." His words contradicted his actions as his hands brushed over her skin. She arched into his hand as he reverently touched her breast.

"Don't…" she gasped.

"I don't want to hurt you," he mumbled, his lips leaving hers and traveling down the arch of her neck. His hands enveloped hers and their fingers interlaced as he pushed her arms over her head, pressing them against the wall, needing to be as close to her as possible.

"Max…" 

"We should stop," he repeated, returning his mouth to hers, increasing the intensity of the kiss.

"No…" she moaned. He took a deep breath and then he pulled away, regretfully stroking her wet cheek. The loss of the warmth from his body chilled her even with the hot water raining down on them. 

"Max, please…"

Unable to meet her pleading eyes, he pulled her into his arms, fitting her head under his chin. "We can't, baby. We can't. The doctor-"

"I don't care about what the doctor said," she interrupted quietly. Before, they could've hurt Miranda, but there was no risk of doing that now. She was willing to take the risk. She needed him. Had longed for him for months. Not only her body was aching for him, but her mind.

His stillness and silence spoke volumes of his hesitation. She decided to make the decision easier for him and pressed her mouth against his shoulder, feeling the hardness of his shoulder blade against her lips, a sensation she found highly erotic. His body was so hard, his muscles taut. Her eyes traveled down his bicep and her breathing picked up. Having his large arms holding onto her so tightly caused her to tremble in anticipation, image after image of where this strong body was more than capable of taking her filling her head.

"I want you," she said. "I want you so desperately."

His body tensed against her and the cessation of movement from his chest told her that he too had forgotten the simple mechanism of breathing. 

"Let me love you," she continued, kissing a trail of open-mouthed kisses down his chest, smiling as his muscles rippled under her touch. She knew that he was looking out for her, worried that she would still be in pain from her ordeal, but sometimes he just didn't know the right thing to do. She just needed to give him a push in the right direction.

But as she slid down further down his body, pain engulfed her, distracting her from her ministrations. The wince crossed her features before she could even consciously plan to stop it and when he moved down and gently grabbed her by the arms, she knew that he had seen it.

"Come here."

Her abdomen ached as Max slowly straightened her body, holding her close to his body so she could support her weight on him.

"I'm okay," she said weakly, trying to remove the traitorous visible signs of pain from her face.

"Sure you are," Max mumbled and reached behind her to retrieve a shampoo bottle.

She watched him as he squeezed the liquid into his hand. She studied his face as he brought the shampoo-drenched hands to her head and began to slowly massage it into her hair, his fingertips massaging her scalp in the process.

"Max, seriously, I'm fine," Liz reiterated.

"You need to get some sleep," Max answered, still not looking at her. 

She looked at him closely, resisting the urge to close her eyes at the way his fingers were deliciously sliding through her hair, rubbing against her head. That's when she realized.

"Max, it wasn't your fault."

When Max's hands momentarily stilled in her hair, she knew that she had been dead on.

"I need you so much, Max. I really thought that we could do this. It's been so long…too long."

"I should've stopped it."

Liz laughed softly at this, tempting Max to look at her.

"I'm not a child, honey. I'm responsible for my own actions. The only reason why I'm hurting right now is because I brought it upon myself."

He looked away from her and said gently, "Turn around."

She did as she was told and Max led her head into the streaming water, tilting her head back and keeping his hand pressed across her hairline to prevent the foam from running into her eyes.

"I should've stopped it."

His solemn voice drifted through the water running past her ears and she mentally shook her head in hopelessness. Max Evans was the king of self-blame.

Very carefully, he covered her body in shower gel, making sure that every inch of her was covered, his hands lingering first on the stitches from the caesarean and then the scar between her breasts from the heart transplant.

"I'm scarred," she said then, but he only shook his head.

"You're stunning." And the awe in his voice left no room for objections. 

He turned off the tap and wrapped her in a large towel, his heart clenching at how small and fragile she looked as the dark blue material practically consumed her.

"Let's go to bed," he said as he rubbed the material over her skin.

She nodded and then leaned in to give him a long, languid kiss. "Thank you."


	60. Chapter 60

We don't have that long way to go of this story. If I've calculated it correctly, there are two chapters left after this one and an epilogue. I have most of it mapped out, I just need to write it.

**Alvernogrl** – my faithful reader. Thank you!

**Chapter 60**

_A couple of days later_

His body jerked abruptly as the nightmare frightened him awake. He blinked in the darkness as the dream world began to disintegrate around him. Slowly becoming increasingly awake, he forced his breathing to calm down by taking deep breaths. Squeezing his eyes tightly closed, he grabbed the hand to the arm that was positioned across his waist, the palm pressed up against his naked chest. He practically jumped when he felt her lips press just below the hairline at the back of his neck.

Feeling guilty about waking her up, he turned around to face her. She was looking up at him, her eyes misted with sleep but nevertheless acutely aware of her surroundings – and him.

"Did I wake you?" he whispered.

Scooting closer to him, so that her silk-covered breasts pressed up against his damp chest, the sweat a testament to the horrors of his nightmare, she ignored his question by saying, "I'm worried about you."

He considered what to answer her and decided to act as nothing was wrong and his tone was light when he said, "That's my line."

The seriousness in her eyes as she brought her hand to trace his eyebrow thwarted his attempt at a light mood. "I can see it in your eyes." 

Even though he knew that she was referring to the terror he was unable to mask, he feigned ignorance. "See what?"

She frowned, observing him as if he was this great puzzle that needed to be solved. "Do you want to talk about it?"

He let himself fall into the depths of her eyes, felt the pull – the desperate need – to talk to her, but was just as quickly reminded that she wasn't getting a lot of sleep herself. Not wanting to weigh her down with his problems as well, he nuzzled his head in the crook of her neck, breathing in the combination of the lotion lingering on her skin and the mango shampoo in her hair.

"Let's go back to sleep," he mumbled against her skin, feeling her fingers making soothing circling motions against his back. "You need your sleep."

"Maybe it will help if you talk about it?" she suggested.

Small legs, cold and blue, flashed through his mind and he pulled away from the warmth of her neck. His eyes were closed, as if that would help to force the image away.

"Max?" 

Her voice was one of concern, but instead of soothing him it caused the image of her crying over the dead baby in her arms to spur to life. He loosened his arms around her and pulled away, pushing the covers off him in the process.

"Honey?" 

He looked at her and shook his head. "I can't. I can't…" talk about it, he silently added.

He swallowed against the concern in her eyes and clumsily got his trembling legs out of bed. He stopped at the edge, his feet pressed against the cold surface of the wooden floor, prepared to spring into action, and his head fell heavily into his hands. He heard the whispers of the sheets as she rose in bed and his body trembled when she placed her hands on his shoulders. He moaned in anguish when she softly kissed his shoulder blade.

But she didn't say a word, compelling him to stay with her touches but still letting him take the first step if he wanted to talk.

"I need her here," he whispered after several minutes of silence. He felt her still behind him, and cursed himself for giving in. He should've gone with his initial impulse to not share his troubles with her. Even though she wanted to be there for him, she wasn't emotionally strong to shoulder both her own and his worries.

"Me too," she whispered. "Is she…are you… is she the one you're dreaming of?"

He swallowed and tried to decide if he should stop this right now, before he upset her. But he had already breached the subject. To walk away now would be more inconsiderate than to have this conversation with her.

"I dream of her every night," he answered truthfully.

Her hands slid off his back and with the absence he became aware of how cold the room was.

"Good dreams?"

Her voice was weak and not quite as hopeful as it should've been, because it had been evident that Max had been having nightmares. He turned around to face her. Her eyes were downcast, focusing on her hands in her lap, her hair shielding most of her face from his scrutiny.

"No." 

She nodded slowly, biting her bottom lip.

"Baby," he said quietly, touching her chin to get her to look at him. She was on the verge of tears, his fears having awakened her own. "It's just nightmares. I can deal with it."

She looked at him for the longest time, but even under the weight of her teary eyes, he refused to look away. "I'm sorry."

He sighed in frustration, already knowing where the conversation was heading from here. "Liz, you have nothing to be sorry about."

"I…I… if you had met a normal woman, you would've had a normal child and you wouldn't have to worry about me or your child dying," she stuttered in guilty sadness. "You would've been able to get over your grief about Tess and Josh, and your nightmares would've stopped."

Irritated, Max left the bed and stood to stare at her. "Liz, I swear to God-"

"You would've been able to heal. I'm just stopping you. I'm making your life horr-"

"Liz," Max almost yelled and watched her jump with a twinge of regret. "Don't you ever dare to say that again." He crawled back on the bed, cradling her face almost forcefully between his hands. "Without you I wouldn't have a life. Don't you get it? After all we've been through? How can you for a second think that I would be better off without you? You're the only reason I'm alive right now. I would have died if you hadn't come into my life."

She was staring at him with an expression of fear and shock, her mouth hanging open and her eyes blinking slowly.

He looked down, taking a deep breath before looking up at her again, his voice softer, "Liz, with the risk of sounding cheesy, you saved me. You brought me back to the living. I don't regret a single second with you. It's the only thing that keeps me going. You," he stroke her cheek lovingly with his thumb, "and Miranda."

Speechless, she kept staring at him. He smiled softly at her. "I don't know how your previous boyfriend treated you, but I'm not him. I don't see you as a burden. I admit, I worry about you every second of the day – and night – but that's what I do. That's what you do when you love someone."

Tears slid down her cheeks at him touching one of her largest insecurities, implanted in her by Kevin. How Kevin had never wanted to look at her naked body in the revealing glow of the lamp, always wanting the lights off because he didn't want to see her scar. How Kevin would sigh and scold her for not calling him and telling him where she was, accusing her of making his life difficult because he had to unnecessary worry about her just because she couldn't pick up the phone.

"If you haven't noticed already, I'm your typical mother hen," Max said and smiled self-consciously. "I worried before the accident and I will always worry. It's what I do. Even when we have Miranda safe at home – which will happen – I will worry about her. I will worry about her when she falls and scrubs her knees. I will worry when she is learning to ride a bike. I will worry when she goes on her first date-"

Liz gave a teary laugh at this and Max momentarily stopped talking as he smiled. "I will worry if she's marrying the right guy, if he's going to treat her right. And about the nightmares…" He inhaled deeply, shuddering. "I don't know why I still have them. I want them to disappear, but I think that as long as Miranda is not here and I won't be able to get up and look at her and ascertain myself that she is alright, I will continue to have the nightmares. It's just a matter of time, Liz. I'm healing a little bit more with every day, and it's all thanks to you," he kissed her lips softly. "And that gorgeous daughter of ours." 

Silence embraced them as Liz looked into his eyes, searching them, trying to mop up every precious emotion shifting through the golden irises. Next she smiled in relief and put her arms around him, pulling him close against her in a tight hug.

--------------------------------------------------

_Two weeks later_

"You're getting a bath," Liz said softly, smiling as the large eyes looked up at her, "Yes, you are."

Miranda made a gurgling sound which was a typical sound for a baby to make, but a sound of divinity to Liz.

"Just hold her like this," Anna instructed, showing Liz how to support Miranda's head while they lowered the small body into the water. 

"This is your first bath since you left mommy's tummy," Liz said, ignorant to everything going around her, everything except Miranda's face. 

Anna smiled at the image they made and gently repositioned Liz's hands when Miranda gave sounds of discomfort. Liz laughed as Miranda's small legs repeatedly impacted with the water surface, causing water to splatter everywhere.

"You like that, don't you? You like the water, huh?"

"Here," Anna said taking a hold of Miranda, causing Liz to break free of the spell her daughter had placed over her. "Put your hand here instead." She directed Liz's hand to the side of Miranda's head, covering her right ear. "And the other one here." Liz put her hand where instructed under Miranda's belly and with Anna's help they turned Miranda around. She was now floating on her stomach instead, her head resting in Liz's palm. Miranda quieted down and the content smile on the baby's face made Liz grin widely.

"They usually like to be on their stomach," Anna said.

"Look at her," Liz said, a soft laugh escaping the barely contained happiness building inside of her. "She's in heaven."

Miranda was smacking her lips together, her eyes drifting close as she appeared very satisfied with her current position.

"I wish Max could have seen this," Liz murmured regretfully.

"There will be more opportunities," Anna assured.

Liz nodded. There would definitely be more opportunities. Miranda was doing really well. The nasogastric tube had been removed and Liz had, on some occasions, already been able to breastfeed Miranda. All Miranda's organs were fine and she was gaining weight. She was looking a little bit more like a baby now, healthy pink skin and rounded cheeks. According to the doctors, if Miranda kept progressing in the same manner as the last two weeks, she would be dismissed from the hospital earlier than they had thought in the beginning. Liz couldn't have been happier.

--------------------------------------------------

_Five days later_

"Seriously, what's wrong with that cat?!"

Maria looked up from searching her purse for her car keys and looked at Liz's cat that had been living with Maria since the start of Liz's pregnancy to decrease the risk of Liz miscarrying. The cat in question was, with her claws firmly attached to the fabric of the foot stool, running around the edges of the stool, her body almost completely horizontal to the ground.

Maria couldn't help but laugh at the sight. The cat seemed incapable of fatigue and the speed it was running round and round this stool with was enough to make someone dizzy if they looked at it for too long.

Maria shrugged. "She's a cat."

"She's possessed," Michael said. He put the car magazine to the side, deciding that there was no way he would be able to concentrate on reading when the risk of being attacked by a psychotic cat was increasing by the second. While still keeping one eye on the cat, Michael looked over at his girlfriend.

"Where are you going?"

Maria rolled her eyes. "I've told you." 

"So tell me again."

She sighed. Keeping track of dates had never been one of Michael's strong sides. "Liz is bringing Miranda home from the hospital."

Michael's eyes widened with interest and Maria smiled inwardly. Even though Michael would probably never admit it, he had grown quite attached to the small baby. It was very possible that Michael had visited Miranda more times than Maria. 

"That's today?"

Maria nodded. "Uh-huh. I wanted to be there." 

Michael stood up, ruffling a hand through his hair. "I'll come with."

Maria concealed a knowing grin and instead gave him an incredulous look. "Why?"

Michael hitched his thumb over his shoulder towards the cat that was still running around the stool. "You really think I'm gonna be here alone, with _that one_?"

"Alright," Maria said and grabbed her jacket. "Let's go."

As Michael rushed up to the door, Maria laughed.

Michael turned to her and looked at her as if she was the one to just have behaved uncharacteristically. Before he could ask the question, Maria's lips pressing against his stopped the movement of his lips.

She pulled back and looked up at him, barely stopping herself in time from pinching his cheek. "Ah, you are just…"

"What?" Michael asked, somewhat dazed when she didn't finish the sentence. Kissing Maria always seemed to have an immobilizing effect on him. 

"You are so cute!"

Michael scrunched his nose. He really didn't like to be called cute.

"Come on, we're going to be late," Maria said and took a hold of his hand to drag him out of the apartment.

Michael, however, turned out to be the one doing the pulling and after asking for the car keys with the lame excuse that he needed to warm up the car, he rushed down the stairs leaving an amused Maria behind. Who warmed up the car in the middle of summer in New Mexico?

---------------------------------------------------

The last rays from the descending sun were stubbornly squeezing themselves through the half-open blinds, chasing each other over the carpeted floor. Some of the rays reached further than others, some victorious in tickling the feet – and even legs – of the people standing in the middle of the room. The rays entering the room from the opposite window intersected the other rays and stretched high up on the painted walls, adoring and circling around the figures that had been painted on the walls.

To a human, the figures would mean Disney – Snow White, Cinderella, various animated mice, Nemo, Simba, Belle – but to the rays they meant nothing but contrasting colors that would highlight under their touch. As a soft voice whisked through the silence, the attention was drawn to the people; the man and the woman.

"She's so beautiful."

He put his arms around her middle, fitting her head under his chin and she sighed, embracing his arms with her own. Their eyes were fixed on the small baby resting on its back in the wooden crib, her arms and legs occasionally twitching from whatever a one-month old baby would be dreaming of. Around the edges of the crib were all types of stuffed animals, having been supplied by the people that had already fallen in love with the little girl. 

Max kissed Liz's temple, whispering in her ear, "Are you happy?"

He felt her head move in a nod against his cheek and he smiled.

"Yes…" she breathed wondrous, as if she couldn't quite fathom that idea. 

Their daughter was finally home.

TBC...


	61. Chapter 61

**alvernogrl** – thank you! I'm so sorry for the ridiculously late update. But at least you'll reading the last two chapters at the same time…

_Lyrics in the chapter are from Peter Gabriel's "The Book of Love"_

**Chapter 61**

The cry cut through the silence of the night and slowly, but securely, made its way over to the adjacent bedroom, crept up the bed and gnawed its way through the cotton of sleep surrounding Max.

He mumbled and turned onto his side. But the sound wouldn't go away and as the knowledge of who was responsible for that sound reached his consciousness, he forced his eyes to open and blinked in the darkness as Miranda's cry for her parents continued to envelope him.

He rolled over to Liz, who was slowly waking up and kissed her temple.  
"I'll go."

Liz barely registered his words as sleep was still hanging down on her heavily.

Max made his way out of the bedroom and into the tower room where his princess slept. His heart constricted as his eyes fell upon her flustered, twisting body in the crib. She was so small and he loved her so much it hurt. He slid his hands between the mattress and her body and she stilled some, looking up at him at the realization of his presence.

"Hello, you," Max said softly.

She sobbed and hiccupped in reply and he gently cupped her against his chest, her small body feeling warm and alive against his bare chest. Gently rocking her, he tried to will her back to sleep, but Miranda wanted nothing of that. She wanted something else. Her crying, although not as powerful as before in the safety of her father's arms, was still present.

"Let's go downstairs, Mira. Let your mommy get some sleep."

Her crying followed them downstairs, like a trail of sound, and by the time he had reached the kitchen he had started to worry, as he does. 

"Shhh," he hushed softly. "Daddy's here. You want something to eat?" 

He placed her in the crook of his arm, the length of her body easily fitting against his arm, and opened the door to the refrigerator.

"You want some of mommy's delicious milk?" he asked, picking out the bottle with breast milk that Liz had pumped before going to bed that same evening.

As if knowing that she had gotten her message through, Miranda quieted down and looked up at him through glistering eyes. She had her mother's eyes alright, with the power to make him want to jump off a cliff if he couldn't make her happy. He removed the rubber at the top of the bottle and inserted the bottle into the microwave.

"Soon," he promised Miranda, gently rocking her so that she wouldn't start crying again.

But Miranda was hungry and hadn't counted on having to wait any longer for her 3 a.m. snack. Her face scrunched up, the numerous folds forming having fascinated Max to no end in the beginning, but now caused him to panic because he knew what followed. 

"Princess, food is coming," he said gently, rocking her, but her small lungs managed to produce a loud cry before he had a chance to finish the sentence. She was crying like someone had just stolen her best friend, large tears running down her cheeks.

"No no no," Max whispered. "It's okay. It's okay. Food is almost done."

He glanced up at the microwave and saw that it still had ten seconds to go. Thirty seconds had never felt that long before. At the sound of the microwave bell, he ripped the door open and pulled out the bottle, put the nipple on, shook it and put a drop on the back of his hand to check the temperature.

He had to use some persuasion to get the bottle into her mouth because she was convinced he still didn't have any food for her. Satisfied sucking sounds filled the kitchen when Max won the battle. Her eyes met his and he sighed in happiness as he sank down in the couch in the living room. He could sit here with her forever.

Soon the milk had filled her stomach, but air had followed the ingestion and she wasn't completely satisfied. Knowing this, Max put her head against his shoulder and repeatedly hit her diaper-clad bottom to force the air out of her stomach. At the burp, he walked over to the stereo, not prepared to let her go yet, and pressed play. Strings filled the air, soon followed by Peter Gabriel's low soft voice.

_The book of love is long and boring  
No one can lift the damn thing   
It's full of charts and facts and figures  
and instructions for dancing_

He gently began to move to the music, looking down at the bundle in his arms. Her eyes were wide open as she quietly took in her surroundings.

_But I  
I love it when you read to me  
And you  
You can read me anything_

He kissed the top of her head, loving the smell of her dark hair.

_The book of love has music in it  
In fact that's where music comes from  
Some of it is just transcendental  
Some of it is just really dumb_

He looked up when he heard her in the stairs. She smiled sleepily at him, her eyes radiating with love.

_But I  
I love it when you sing to me  
And you  
You can sing me anything_

"I wanted to teach her some moves," Max whispered as Liz stepped up the dancing couple.

Liz smiled at him and then looked down into Miranda's face who was looking very content to be dancing with her daddy. Max put his free arm around Liz's waist and pulled her to his side, inviting her to the dance.

_The book of love is long and boring  
And written very long ago  
It's full of flowers and heart-shaped boxes  
And things we're all too young to know_

Together, the small family danced to the music and, as Max kissed Liz, Miranda's eyes slowly closed, giving in to sleep.

-------------------------------------------------

_Five weeks later_

Michael swung the door open and grimaced at the sight that greeted him.   
"Whoa, man. Have you slept at all?"

Max had some pretty impressive bags under his eyes and his stance screamed fatigue. But there was a shine in his eyes which Michael probably wouldn't have picked up on unless it had been reflecting in the small smile on his old friend's face.

"Hi Mike," Max answered, promptly ignoring his question and walked past Michael into the apartment.

"So, how's fatherhood treating you?" Michael said, closing the door behind Max.

He looked over at Max when Max didn't respond and had to shake his head at the foolish dreamy grin that now adored Max's lips.

"I take that it's going well, except for your obvious insomnia, that is," Michael filled in.

Max nodded, rubbing his forehead absent-mindedly, but the smile remained. "Yeah, I don't remember Josh being up so many times during the night."

"But you don't care, do you?" Michael asked with a grin of his own. 

Max smiled impishly and shrugged. "Who needs sleep anyway?" 

"Yeah…No," Michael said slowly, "I'm not gonna agree with you on that one… Sleep is extremely undervalued."

"Uhm… I'm in a hurry, so…"

Michael nodded. "Right. Hang on and I'll get it."

When Michael disappeared, Max sank down on one of the wooden chairs by the kitchen table and let out a shaken breath. How could he already be nervous?

Michael was back in no time, unceremoniously placing a heavy, moderate sized cardboard box on Max's lap. Max held in a groan and granted Michael a glare for his decision of where to dispose the box. Michael just gave him a casual, typical Michael look in return. Max took a firm grip of the box and stood up.

"Thanks, Michael. I owe you one."

Michael shrugged. "Don't sweat it." He walked over to the front door and opened it for Max. "Just bring that offspring of yours over sometime. Maria is blabbering my ear off about how little she sees of Miranda."

"Right. Maria," Max smiled.

Michael shrugged again. "Women. Maternal instinct. Beats me."

"Yeah, I'll bring her over," Max answered, but after glancing past Michael into the not so tidy apartment, Max added, "But clean the apartment some first, okay? I don't want her to catch anything." 

Michael almost rolled his eyes. "No problemo."

------------------------------------------------

_Two days later_

He froze, his whole body tensing in an acute combination of fear and nervousness, as he heard the key in the lock. His hands were shaking as he moved the lit match to the last candle. With his back towards the front door, he heard the door open, but when he didn't hear the familiar jingle of keys being put down or a jacket being removed, he turned around.

The candles cast a soft warm yellow light that reached into the hallway. It barely touched her figure, making her remain semi-masked in the shadows while speckles of light moved over her surprised face.

Max swallowed. God, she was beautiful. 

"Max?" 

His mouth felt very dry, suddenly having decided to stop producing saliva, and his palms were sweaty where his body had decided to exaggerate the production.

He forced a smile on his face and hoped that she wouldn't notice how tense he was. But the candlelit room, the aromas from the dinner he had spent half the day preparing and the soft music playing in the background must have been enough to make her suspicious because she wouldn't move from her spot. Her keys dangled forgotten in her hands and she repeated, her eyes fixed on the dining table.

"Max?" 

He got his legs working and moved up to her. As he came closer, she looked up at him, his face hidden in darkness while the sparse light from the background illuminated the contours of his body.

_Just like an angel_, she thought.

"Come on. It's not like this is the first time I have thrown you a surprise romantic dinner."

The surprised suspicion remained draped across her countenance for a few seconds more, before she smiled guiltily. "Sorry."

He softly touched his lips to hers and she felt the tingles spread throughout her body. Was it possible to still be so head over heels in love with him and still falling deeper every day?

"Where's Miranda?"

She knew that she probably shouldn't have asked, because knowing Max's surprise romantic events by now she knew that everything was very much planned and taken care of. Just so that she wouldn't have to worry about anything except enjoying herself to the fullest.

He smiled at her, having anticipated the question. "She's with my parents."

He had foreseen the expression of halting worry on her face as well, but pretended he hadn't seen it as she quickly tried to hide it. He understood why she would react that way, because that same worry was constantly coursing through his own veins.

God, they must be the most paranoid parents alive. However, one couldn't really blame them for being a bit on their toes after everything that had happened to them lately.

"And…and they are okay with that?" Liz stuttered, trying to stop herself from saying what she really wanted to say.

_Miranda doesn't know her grandparents yet_ and _What if she starts crying and they can't comfort her_ and _What if she gets a stomach pain or fever_. But she didn't want it to seem like her life nowadays revolved only around her daughter – which of course, it did.

"They can take care of a baby," Max said softly, a smile fluttering at the corners of his mouth. "They raised me and Isabel, remember? And we turned out pretty okay. Besides, she's only going to be there for one night. How much harm can they do in one night?"

The worry re-entered Liz's eyes and she bit her lower lip. "She's going to spend the night there?"

Max soothingly stroked Liz's cheek, bending closer so that his face was a mere inch from hers. Her reaction to his proximity was direct, natural. Her heart rate picked up and her breathing started to sound shallow in her ears.

"I needed you to myself."

The seductive tone to his voice, combined with the warmth of his body so close to hers, caused her to blush and she dropped her eyes, unconsciously licking her lips. 

"And why is that?" she asked coyly, not daring to meet his eyes out of fear that the look in those golden orbs would cause her to jump him right there and then.

Her eyes drifted closed as his hands contacted with the bare skin at the top of the semi-closed coat. She licked her dry lips again as he slowly began to unbuttoned the large buttons on her coat.

"First, we need to get you out of this coat," he said huskily.

How could he make something as simple as removing her coat for her feel like something similar to running his tongue over her naked skin? 

She laughed softly as he pushed the coat off her shoulders, his palms flat against her shoulders, making her whole body tremble in longing for a closer touch.

"What?" he asked and she heard the smile in his voice before she saw it. 

Looking up, she shook her head. "I'm just… I feel like a teenager."

"Why's that?" he asked and removed the keys from her hand and placed them on the small table next to the full-body mirror.

"Lack of self-restraint," she said, laughing again at her own ridiculousness.

He looked at her curiously, waiting for her to elaborate.

She pushed an errant strand of hair behind her ear, a blush spreading across her smiling face. "God, I so want you right now, Max Evans."

She looked up at him, feeling shy all of the sudden and bit her lower lip when she saw the darkness spread in his eyes. The seriousness and surprise on his face told her that he hadn't been expecting her to say that. As she waited for his response, any response, she felt increasingly foolish for saying that.

But then she was moving across the floor, his strong arms around her waist and his lips devouring her. With a surprised yelp she was pressed up against the wall.

"Max," she moaned and wrapped her legs around his waist while he pushed her firmer against the wall.

She could feel his strength between her thighs and his desire in his hands as they moved over her body in a febrile search to still his longing for her.

And just as soon as it had started, it ended and he pulled back. She looked at him, her lips sore but tingling and her breasts moving quickly up and down where they were visible in the cleavage that Max had made more obvious by tearing two buttons of her violet shirt.

"Sorry," he murmured, but she couldn't see a trace of excuse in his eyes, only a raw, primal blackness.

Casting caution to the wind, she took a hold of the back of his head, threading her fingers through the dark masses and with a strength and passion that was unknown even to her, pushed his lips down on hers again. She gently bit his lip and his tongue tickled hers in a way that made shivers run down her spine.

"Jesus," he groaned against her mouth and she giggled.

She felt giddy, like there were no worries in the world. Like they have been made to stand here in the hallway of their house of many years to come, tearing at each other's clothes; tasting, touching, trembling, loving. Her giggles drowned in a whimper as he ripped her shirt open, the clattering of plastic buttons hitting the floor deaf to their ears, and pressed his moist warm lips against the swell of her pale breast. Her head hit the wooden wall behind when her chest arched into his awaiting mouth, but the pain only added to the pleasure. 

His open-mouthed kisses followed the angle of her chin, his tongue warm and arousing wet against her skin, while his hands buried themselves inside the cups of her bra, taking over the role of cupping her breasts. She could feel herself sliding, her body feeling weak and energized at the same time.

He felt the slide and with a disapproving moan from Liz, his hands left her breasts and grabbed her bottom firmly, pushing her upwards, against him with such a force that they both gasped at the contact.

"Oh God," she sighed, her breaths coming so quickly she could barely keep up. This man was going to be the death of her.

"Bedroom," he huffed and she nodded, pulling at his sweater as he moved. 

Clothes were discarded on the way and she laughed in a drunken daze of desire when he almost dropped her in the stairs. They fell in a heap on the bed and wasted no time to complete the unclothing process. Max scrambled out of his pants and only wearing his boxers, he paused and looked at her as if the reality of what they were doing just had sunk in. They were both on their knees on the bed, facing each other with chests heaving in a type of unison that was almost uncanny, he, only in his boxers, and she, in panties, a bra and half-opened shirt.

His eyes moved over her flushed face, the messy dark hair, the large brown eyes which had taken on a very dark quality, and her red and bruised lips. He sighed. _Goddess_. She was a goddess and she was in front of him, half-naked and waiting for him. Wanting him. He cradled her hot damp cheek in his palm and watched as she turned her head in his hand, placing an open-mouthed kiss against the soft skin of his palm. In silence, he let his hand skim down her neck, barely grazing her skin with his fingertips, skim over her collarbone and registering how her breathing would pick up the closer he got to her breasts.

His index finger brushed over her hardened nipple and she whimpered. His heart skipped a beat. His fingers traveled down her stomach, touching the edge of the laced underwear. His eyes traveled back to her face when she moved her arms, but were soon propelled to her chest as she reached behind her back and unclasped the bra, freeing her breasts from the confinement. 

It was amazing to him that every time he saw her naked his body reacted as if it was the first time. He felt the heat of arousal course through him and then he was lowering her down on the mattress, caressing, sucking, biting, fondling. Her fingernails dug into his back; with moans of pleasure and impatience trying to urge him on. He responded by slowing down, resting his forehead against hers, his breath shallow and warm against her face.

"We have to slow down, baby," he murmured.

She shook her head in the negative and answered with conviction. "No."

As if to emphasize this fact, she arched up into him, flushing almost her whole skin surface with his.

He groaned and took a hold of her hips to still her movements. "Jesus… Liz, it's going to be over for me very quickly here if…"

She looked up at him, realizing the strain he was under and couldn't help but giggle. "Okay."

He smiled back at her, a somewhat disconnected smile as his main concentration was on not letting go too early. But just as soon as he has made taking slow an important factor, he broke his own statement by pushing into her. She gasped in a blend of surprise and pleasure.

"Max…" she breathed as he stopped, fully enveloped in her.

"I couldn't wait, so sue me," he answered.

She smiled ruefully at him. "Yeah, I might have to punish you for that one." 

This only resulted in a groan and Liz laughed again. She felt drunk. The happiness was almost too much, the sensations causing her whole body to tingle and fireworks were going off all over her skin. And they hadn't even really started yet.

"Let me know if it hurts anywhere, okay?" he told her and responding to the concern in his eyes she turned serious and nodded.

Her body trembled as he started moving within her. She had almost forgotten what it felt like. Even though she'd had her share of erotic dreams during the forced celibacy of her pregnancy, her memory and imagination couldn't quite make up this type of sensation. Nothing in her wildest dreams could compare to reality.

She arched up into his chest, her lips pressing against his, lingering. "So… would you call this… a success?" she pants.

"What?" he murmured, suckling on her neck.

"Your romantic surprise… We never really…really…" she moaned, biting her lower lip hard, "really made it to dinner…"

"I can live with that," he answered and instead handing him a comeback for that comment, she nodded silently, throwing her head back, her eyes closed.

"Max… faster…"

She was close and he gladly obeyed with her wishes.

The heat was excruciating as the friction increased, her walls clamping down around him. He moved faster, seeing the trembles wracking her body, knowing that any second now, any second now…

"Maaaax!" she cried out, her nails digging hard into his back. The pain from her nails caused the control to snap in him and he joined her in the intense sensations.

"Maybe I should blow out the candles," Max whispered in her ear as he kept his body on top of her, the heat from their bodies flowing back and forth.

"Later," she answered breathlessly and kissed him.

"Yes, later," he agreed, his fingers already exploring what his fingers thought needed to be explored.

------------------------------------------

One hour later, Liz forced Max out of the bed and downstairs, saying that she was starving and she couldn't live with the knowledge of him having slaved away in the kitchen all day without the result being eaten.

Max hadn't really been that enthusiastic about leaving the bedroom and putting an end to their activities. The place might've burned down before he would decide to go downstairs and blow out the hundreds of candles all over the living room if it weren't for the fact that the main factor that he needed to resume his activities was right now walking in front of him, clad merely in one of his T-shirts (he was fully aware of that she was _only_ wearing that shirt), intent on eating.

"We just have to heat it up," Max said behind her, as she experimentally moved the vegetables around the frying pan with the spatula.

He stepped up close behind her, barely leaving an inch between them, and put his hands on her hips, seductively moving them upwards over her naked skin, pulling the shirt upwards in the process.

"Max…" Liz half scolded, half moaned. "I'm hungry."

"Me too," he answered and she had a feeling he wasn't talking about the roast.

Liz turned in his arms, smiling at him. He was looking down at her like she was his last meal and her breath caught in her throat. He was gorgeous. Did he know how gorgeous he was? She brushed the dark hair away from his damp forehead, feeling like she wanted to cry.

Picking up on the change in her mood, he asked gently, "Hey, are you okay?"

She sniffled back the threatening sobs and nodded. "Yes."

"You sure?"

How was she supposed to not cry when he was looking at her like that?

"I'm just so happy."

He relaxed, leaned in and kissed her deeply. "I love you."

She nodded, swallowing her sobs and announced, "Let's eat. Or… at least heat up the food."

-----------------------------------------

Max put down his fork on the plate. "There was actually a reason behind this whole spectacle."

Liz looked at him in dramatic shock. "You mean, _besides_ the mind-blowing sex?"

He grinned and said pointedly, as if he was disgusted with the notion that she thought he would do something like this to get her to have sex with him. "Yes."

"Wow, this most be my lucky day," she answered and took a sip from her water.

"Besides, if I wanted to get into your pants, I don't think I would have to go to these measures," Max said calmly.

Liz's eyebrows rose. "Max Evans, are you calling me easy?"

He shrugged, uncommitted. "I wasn't the one calling you a teenager, saying that you wanted me."

He was overflowing with self-confidence to such a degree that Liz couldn't do anything but laugh.

"So, what is the reason then?" she asked, curiosity getting the best out of her.

"This," he answered simply and pulled out a book from underneath the table. 

Her hand stilled on her glass and she stared at the book. "Is that…?" she whispered.

"This, Ms. Elizabeth Parker, is your book," Max said and turned the cover facing her, pointing at the title and the author name. "See, it says right here; _Heartbeat_ by Elizabeth Parker."

"Oh God," Liz more or less squealed and almost knocked over the pitcher of water when she reached over to snag the book out of Max's hands. 

Sitting back with the book in her hands, she reverently traced the cover with her finger.

"Max, you should be ashamed of yourself," she whispered, her voice oddly dripping with awe.

He couldn't keep the grin off his face and asked, "Why's that?"

"You tricked me into having mind-blowing sex _before_ giving me this. That is just… well…"

His grin grew wider. "Believe me, Ms. Horny, sex wasn't in my plans until maybe _after_ the revelation of the book."

Putting on a face of deep understanding she said, "Aha."

"Open it," Max said, unable to contain himself any longer.

She opened to the first page, reading the dedication with teary eyes. She could feel Max's eyes on her the whole time.

She turned to the second page and her movements came to a screeching halt. Her breathing temporarily stopped and she was filled with wonder and anticipation, but mostly nervousness.

"Max," she breathed. "There's something wrong with the book. It doesn't look like a normal book."

Max, putting his best acting abilities to the test, widened his eyes in surprise. "Really? What's wrong with it?"

Liz stared at the square hole inside her book. Where the words were supposed to be, there was a black small velvet box.

"I'm not sure," she said slowly, carefully picking up the little box, knowing exactly what a box of that size meant. "It seems like someone has carved a hole in the book in order to hide something inside."

Max gasped, "You're kidding", and stood up. 

"I'm certainly not," Liz answered and opened the black box with shaking hands.

Max stepped up next to her, his heart pounding loudly in his ears.

She gasped as she found herself looking at a ring made out of white gold, a small diamond perched on top. The design was clean and simple, but gorgeous. It was just what a girl who rarely wore jewelry would dream of.

"Max, someone put a ring inside my book."

"A ring?" Max asked. "That's odd."

"Very odd," Liz whispered and looked up at him, tears building in her eyes.

Max swallowed, finding her more beautiful than ever in that exact moment. "Maybe you have a secret admirer."

"It appears so," Liz answered, keeping her eyes locked with his and as she watched, he fell to his knees and her heart rate increased. 

"Liz," he said softly. "I know it took me forever and a day to do this. I had my reasons-"

"Needing to carve out a hole in my book and all," Liz filled in, her voice cracking.

"Exactly," Max said. "Do you remember that evening when you came to my house, after breaking up with Kevin?"

Liz smiled warmly, not being able to stop herself from touching his cheek gently. "Of course I do. I didn't have anywhere to go and you took me in."

Max nodded. "I was in a very bad place then."

Liz remembered. She had stayed over in the guestroom but his anguished screams, his mind tortured with nightmares of his dead family, had woken her up in the middle of the night.

He took her hand between both his palms, his voice trembling as he continued, "I tried to push you away. I tried to hide, because I was afraid of what you would see. That you would see me as a monster-"

"I could never see you as a monster," Liz said softly.

He nodded. "I know that now. I didn't then. It hit me the other day, that it was when you stayed over that things changed. I couldn't pretend that you didn't care anymore, because you-" he laughed, still not quite believing that she actually stayed with him, "you kept being there for me. Even when I was at my ugliest, you were there; holding me. That day in the mall, when I lost Michelle, I was a complete stranger to you, but you still helped me. Because that's what you do. You are incredible, Liz Parker. Your strength impresses me every day. Your strength gives me strength. I never thought I would be free of the nightmares, but being with you… They are gone, Liz. There's no doubt in my mind that you made them go away. I consider myself the luckiest man on earth because I got to get to know you, love you and be loved by you. I can't imagine a life without you."

She smiled, keeping her eyes steady on his face even though her view was blurred by tears. She sniffled as he took the box from her hand and took out the ring.

He gentle took her hand, positioning the ring at the tip of her ring finger, awaiting her reply, and then looked up at her.

"Liz Parker, would you be my wife?"

Liz stared at him for what seemed like an eternity. He was so nervous his stomach was starting to hurt.

She leaned down and kissed him lovingly. "I thought you would never ask."

"Is that a 'yes'?" he breathed.

She smiled brightly, her face glowing with happiness. "Yes, doofus, yes!"

He smiled in awe and bliss, and slid the ring onto her finger. "You know, that would make you Mrs. Doofus."

She laughed. "If you're Mr. Doofus, I'm Mrs. Doofus."

TBC...


	62. Chapter 62

Challenge by Deejonaise

_This challenge is based loosely on the movie Return to Me with Minnie Driver and David Duchovny. I won't give a detailed synopsis of this challenge because it's important to me that the author make the story his/her own._

The gist is this: Max and Tess have a wonderful relationship, strong marriage and delightful two-year old son. All their happiness is destroyed in an instant by a drunk driver. Max's wife and son are killed.

Meanwhile, Elizabeth Parker is on her deathbed and desperately in need of a heart transplant. She has a rare blood type which has made selection difficult. However, Liz is given a second chance at life when a perfect donor match is found. (The heart is Tess', of course.)

Now fast forward 2 years into the future. Max and Liz meet by coincidence and are instantly attracted. They try to fight their feelings. Max is still grieving for his wife and Liz is afraid of getting close because she doesn't want to explain her heart condition. It's inevitable that the two fall in love.

However, how will Max react when he discovers that his new love is the recipient of his dead wife's heart?

This is an AU fic with no aliens. Toss in the other characters at your own discretion. Any rating is accepted but the ending must be happy. 

Final Words

I can't believe I finally reached the end of this story. It's sad to see it go, but at the same time I have this great feeling of contentment. I'm glad that I was able to tell this story and hopefully everyone that has read this story (or some of it) thought that I was doing the characters justice. To you, all my beautiful readers, I want to thank you for your support, your words and your encouragement. But most of all, for your patience. It became a long story and it stretched over a longer time span than I had intended, but I loved every second of it.

I wish there was something else that I could say to show my appreciation for your comments, but all I can say is _THANK YOU!_

**Chapter 62**

"Oh Liz," Maria sighed with a dreamy expression. "It's beautiful. Absolutely gorgeous."

Liz smiled, looking at her own reflection in the full-body mirror. The upper part of the white dress was hugging her subtle curves intimately, letting it billow out just below her waist.

"Do you think he will like it?" Liz asked, biting her lip.

Liz saw Maria's nod in the mirror. "Uh-huh. If he doesn't – if every single guy out there doesn't take a second look at you – something is seriously wrong with the male population."

Liz's smile grew wider.

"Now, let's fix that make up of yours," Maria announced.

Liz frowned. "Shouldn't we have done that before I put on the dress?" 

Maria shrugged. "Before. After. Does it matter?"

Liz looked at her strangely, but then shrugged as well. "I guess not." 

Liz looked towards the door as a loud banging filled the air. "What's that?"

"Oh, the construction workers," Maria answered simply.

"In a church? On my wedding day?" Liz asked.

"Don't worry, Lizzie. They'll take a break soon."

"Uhm…okay." 

"Sit down so I can put make up on you."

Liz took a seat in front of Maria and Maria bent down, red lipstick in her hand. Liz scrunched her nose in disapproval.

"Uhm… I never wear lipstick, Maria. I look weird in lipstick, remember?" 

"You need some color," Maria stated.

Liz looked up at her and then weakly agreed.

But as Maria put the wine red lipstick against Liz lips, she pressed the material very hard into Liz's soft flesh and the stick broke, falling onto Liz's white dress. In horror, Liz watched the stick roll across the white material, leaving a dark red trail.

"Oh no!" Maria gasped and whipped around to grab tissues. "I'm soo sorry!" She started to move the tissues over the red color, only serving to further smoother it into the material, increasing the affected area. 

"Maria, no!" Liz cried out, but Maria wasn't stopping.

Maria merely took a new tissue, spat on it – as if saliva would magically be able to remove the make up – and pressed it hard against Liz's dress. All the time the banging continued around them, wearing on Liz's rapidly deteriorating good mood.

"Maria, you're making it worse," Liz tried and then Maria started to cry. 

Liz stared at her in confusion. Why did Maria sound like a baby?

"It's okay," Liz tried, desperately wanting Maria to stop wailing. "I'll just…uhm…wear something else."

But Maria didn't stop. Her cries grew louder, more insistent.

Liz felt something touch her stomach and looked down, jumping in surprise as she saw a tanned, muscled arm around her waist.

Her eyes sprung open and she stared into the darkness.

_Just a dream_, she thought tiredly.

She looked to her side as she heard Max moan with fatigue. The crying was still there, and in the darkness of the night Liz realized that Miranda was once again awake. Hadn't she just put her to bed?

Liz snaked out from underneath Max's arm, which proved to be more difficult than she had anticipated because he kept tightening his hold on her every time she moved. Using some of that last ounce of willpower, she pulled away and stumbled to her feet. Grabbing the robe on the chair next to the wardrobe to shield her naked body, she walked towards the nursery, breaking out into a large yawn. Automatically, she turned on a small bedside lamp, creating a soft light in the bedroom.

Liz smiled down at Miranda in the crib as she grew quiet at the sight of her mother's face. "You are enjoying this, aren't you?" 

Miranda suckled happily on her fist in reply and Liz shook her head in amusement. It didn't matter how many times her daughter woke her up. She would always be just as tired, but she loved these moments in the middle of the night when she would have her quiet times with her daughter.

As she picked Miranda up from the crib, she realized that Miranda's sleeping habits hadn't been the reason to Miranda waking up this time, because she realized that the construction workers from her dream were back. She protectively pressed Miranda close to her body and walked out into the hallway, looking up at the clock when she passed it. Who was knocking at their door at 3.20 a.m.?

Deciding that it wasn't really safe to open the door in the middle of the night, with a baby in her arms nonetheless, she went into the master bedroom and leaned over Max. 

"Max? Max, wake up."

He muttered something and turned his head in the other direction. Liz grabbed a hold of the sheet and pulled it off him.

"Max!" she said in a loud whisper, the knocks on the front door sounding once again. "Someone's at the door."

"What?" Max murmured, his eyes beginning to blink towards wakefulness. 

"There's someone at the door."

Max opened his eyes and looked up at Liz, seeing how she was pressing Miranda closely to her breast and her words sunk in.

He sat up, suddenly wide awake and rubbed his eyes. "What time is it?"

"After three," Liz answered.

He rose from the bed, grabbing his robe and looked her straight in the eye. "Stay here."

She nodded, watching him disappear. Gently rocking Miranda in her arms she walked out into the hallway, positioning herself at the top of the stairs, where she could see the front door. She watched Max walk up to the door and look through the peeking hole and then quickly remove the safety chain and unlock the door.

"Max, thank God. You sleep like the dead! I've been standing out here for almost five minutes-"

"Alex, what…?"

Max eyes skimmed over the slumbering blonde girl in Alex's arms.

"Isabel's…she's-" 

Max felt the fear pierce his heart. "What's wrong? Did something happen to Isabel? Is the baby okay?"

Alex nodded profusely. "Yes, yes. She's in labor. She's out in the car – probably ready to bite my head off for the delay. Could you watch Michelle? I know that you are probably busy with Miranda and all, but Isabel insisted that she didn't want anyone else to watch Michelle. Just you."

Max nodded, already having taken a hold of Michelle. "Of course."

Alex helped Max in the transfer of the child and smiled at Max gratefully. "Thanks Max."

"Don't mention it," Max answered. "Tell Isabel I love her."

"I will," Alex said, the trembling in his voice revealing his nervousness.

"You'll be alright," Max smiled at him.

Alex nodded distractedly, looking over his shoulder at the car with the engine still running behind him. "Yeah, yeah, of course."

And then, without a single word of departure, Alex turned around and ran towards the car. 

"Uncle Max?" Michelle murmured against Max's ear and Max quietly shut the door.

"Yes, baby. It's me. Go back to sleep."

He felt it the second she gave into sleep, as her body slumped in his arms, her arms and legs dangling along his sides as he supported body with his arms and hands.

He walked up the stairs, leaned in and kissed Liz gently on the lips when he reached the top stairs.

"Isabel?" Liz asked, although she had more or less already figured out why they had suddenly gotten a second child to look after.

"She's having her baby," Max smiled.

-----------------------------------------------

The early morning sun had barely managed to search its way through the windows, the majority of the birds still slumbering, as Liz opened her eyes. She frowned wearily and rolled over. Why was she awake? Her hand moved to the side, where she expected to find Max, but the spot where her fiancé normally slept was empty and cold. Max hadn't been in bed for a long time. She strained her hearing, searching for sounds and heard some noise that seemed to be coming from downstairs. 

Refusing the impulse to close her eyes and go back to sleep, she rolled out of bed and pulled a thick sweater over her nightgown to fight off the chill of the early morning air.

She had a perfect view of the living room as she descended the stairs. Max was sitting on the couch, one arm around Michelle who was curled up against his side and wrapped in a blue and green wool blanket. Miranda was sleeping in the crook of the other arm. As Liz reached the bottom of the stairs, she saw that they were watching 'The Lion King'.

Max looked up at her and silently met her eyes as she walked closer to the couch. She sat down next Miranda, pulling her legs underneath her, and kissed the top of Miranda's head. Max smiled at his future wife and leaned over to kiss her on the forehead. Liz snuggled closer to Max, needing his warmth and love. Needing to be enveloped in the scent that was just him.

"Miranda woke Michelle up," Max whispered and Liz nodded.

Michelle giggled, pointing at the TV screen, unaware of Liz's arrival. "Look at his hair! It's standing all out!"

They all looked at the screen, where a grown-up Simba shook his body fervently to get rid of the water after his swim in the lagoon, spreading water everywhere and making him look like a hedgehog.

"Silly," Michelle added, curling closer to Max.

Liz gently grabbed Miranda's small hand, straightening the miniscule fingers to look at them individually. Max looked down at what Liz was doing, observing the expression of awe and love on Liz's face. She lightly moved her finger up the length of Miranda's arm, reveling in the feel of her baby-soft skin, while Max continued to watch her.

"I love you," he whispered when her finger reached Miranda's rosy cheek.

Liz looked up at him in surprise, a smile spreading over her face. "I love you."

As Simba was reunited with Nala and the soft tunes of 'Can you feel the love tonight' filled the living room, Liz's eyes drifted closed, her hand enclosing Miranda's and her head resting heavily against Max's bare bicep. Careful not to jostle her, Max reached over Liz and pulled at the blanket that was folded at the end of the couch and pulled it up over Liz's curled up body. His eyes were on his family as the voices from the movie circled around him.

"_Simba, wait up. It's awful, isn't it?"_

"_I didn't want to believe you."_

"_What made you come back?"_

"_I finally got some sense knocked into me. And I've got the bump to prove it. Besides, this is **my** kingdom. If I don't fight for it, who will?"_

"_I will."_

-----------------------------------------------

"Come here," Alex said, lifting Michelle up into the hospital bed in the empty space next to her mother. "This is your little brother." 

Michelle's eyes were wide as she looked at the bundle in Isabel's arms. After a moment of silence, she said, matter-of-factly. "He look exacky the same as Mianda."

Isabel looked up at her husband and laughed softly before lovingly pushing back the blonde curls from her daughter's face. "Yeah, most babies look the same."

Michelle looked at the baby, slightly disappointed that he was so small.

She knew from having been around Miranda that her brother wouldn't be that much fun right now. He would just be sleeping, crying, eating and pooping. Still, she had hope that _maybe_ her brother would be different. Maybe he would be big, ready with white sneakers and a ball to play with her.

"When can he play?" she wondered.

Isabel and Alex looked at each other in amusement. Alex put his arms around his daughter and pressed a kiss against her temple. "He has to get a little bit bigger first, honey. But you know what? As his cool older sister, you will be able to teach him all the cool games."

Michelle's face brightened. "I's can learn him how to put make up on my make up doll!!"

Alex held back a snicker. "Yes, you can teach him all the neat tricks."

Max and Liz visited thirty minutes later, exclaiming with oohs and aahs over the handsome newbie in this world. Liz hugged Isabel warmly and kissed her on the cheek.

"He's beautiful, Isabel."

Isabel smiled, glowing. "Thank you, Liz."

The two women had come a long way since they were fighting about what was best for Max. It seemed like such a long time ago already. Looking over at Max, looking so natural standing next to Liz, Isabel was glad that she had pushed her pride to the side and accepted Liz as a constant in her brother's life.

"I'll wait outside," Liz told Max softly. Isabel's smile grew wider as she watched how Max's gaze would follow Liz until she was completely out of his sight.

"What?" he smiled as he saw the big grin on his sister's face.

She shook her head. "You. All happy. In love."

A blush spread up his neck, sidestepped his cheeks and instead aimed straight for reddening his ears.

"Yeah, about that… I wanted to talk to you about something."

Isabel patted the free space next to her on the bed. "What's up?" 

"Uhm… I asked Liz to marry me," Max said.

Isabel's smile widened until it barely fit on her face, her eyes glowing. "And…?" 

Max's eyes returned her glow, nodding. "She said 'yes'." 

Isabel laughed, pulling him into a hug. "Of course she did. It was about time you asked."

"You're okay with this?" he asked haltingly against her ear.

She let go off him so that she could look him straight in the eyes. "Why wouldn't I be, Max? You're happy. And I'm pretty sure Liz is what is making you happy. All I ever wanted was for you to be happy." 

He couldn't help but hug her again. "Thanks, sis." 

She wiped some tears off her cheeks and hitched her chin into the direction of the book lying next to Max.

"What's that?"

Max picked up the book and handed it over. "Liz wanted you to have it."

Isabel looked down at the cover and asked in surprise, "Is this…?"

Max nodded. "It's her book."

"Wow," Isabel breathed. "She did it. She really did it."

Max beamed proudly. "Yes, she did."

Isabel looked up from the book at her brother. "Tell her 'thank you'."

"I will," Max promised and leaned in to place a kiss on her cheek. "You look tired. You should get some rest. I'll be back later." 

She nodded. "Okay."

"Do you want me to help you put him back in the crib?"

"Please."

Max felt his chest swell with warm fuzzy feelings as he picked up the small baby. It struck him then how quickly babies grow. Miranda was already big in comparison with his nephew. His nephew. Max smiled and gently placed the baby in the crib, pulling it up to the bed so that Isabel would have close access.

"Catch you later, sis," he said softly.

"Love you," Isabel answered.

"Love you too," Max responded.

When Max had left the room, Isabel looked down at the cover of the book and absent-mindedly stroked the indented letters of the title.

_Heartbeat_

Elizabeth Parker

Her son graced the silence with a gurgle and she smiled, looking over at the baby. The one-day old was happily suckling the side of his fist and Isabel stared at him in wonder a long time before turning her eyes back to the book in her hands and opened it to the first page. 

_In Memory of Tess Evans, the woman who gave me life in more ways than one._

Isabel's hands were trembling, tears running down her cheeks at the act of Liz dedicating her book to her best friend and with a sobbing smile she turned to the first page and started to read.

_I must have been six years old. The memory is as clear as the morning dew sliding off a green leaf in the early morning sun, but there is fog blurring the edges._

I remember sitting in a corner of the small kitchen. I remember the full smell of chocolate muffins heavily surrounding me. A smell that normally would have left me itching with anticipation but which that afternoon only left me with the suffocating longing for air.

I remember his large hands, the skin that was worn by thousands of small lines of age and sun, reaching down and lifting me up. I remember having difficulties to breathe but the calm I felt to be held close against his shirt. His familiar grandpa smell enveloped me and while my heart was barely keeping up, I could feel – and hear – his heart beat against my ear. Calm and steady.

"_Have I ever told you about my talent?" he asked me as he sat me down on the majestic wooden kitchen table. I think he stroked my hair back from my face, but my memory of that detail remains hazy. At the shake of my head he tells me._

He tells me of his talent of being able to see wings on people. How some people are so beautiful on the inside that they have wings. I can still to this day remember the confusion and hunger I felt to understand what he meant.

"_Sometimes I have to squint my eyes to see them, but some people…some people are glowing."_

My childish imagination produced an amazing radiant white angel and I laughed with the same type of giddiness you feel when your father comes home from a long trip and brings you a present.

He smiled and said, "I see them on you, Lizzie. I see them on you."

I didn't understand it then and not for many years to follow. But I do now.

Because I see them now. __

I see them now.

**THE END**


End file.
